The Coach Ratner Podcast
Coach Ratner is not a matchmaker, but a MateMaker. With 7 books under his belt, Coach Ratner is an accomplished author and sought-after speaker on topics such as relationships, self-esteem and spirituality. His unique insights and captivating speaking style have helped countless individuals achieve their goals and transform their lives.
The Coach Ratner Podcast
Body, Ego, Soul: The Poke Bowl of Human Existence-Sunscreen Love Audiobook
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Have you ever considered what makes a poke bowl complete? It's not just the rice or the salmon alone—it's the harmonious combination of all ingredients working together. Much like this delicious dish, we humans are composed of three essential elements: body, ego, and soul. When these components work in balance, we experience true fulfillment. When they don't, we're left constantly chasing satisfaction that never quite arrives.
Your body craves what feels good in the moment, your ego pursues what looks good to others, and your soul seeks what is genuinely good for your well-being. This internal tug-of-war plays out in every decision we make, especially in our relationships. Without spiritual grounding, we often make choices based solely on physical attraction—what I call "first date bias"—missing opportunities for deeper connections that could last a lifetime. A spiritually anchored relationship encourages looking beyond surface-level qualities to build bonds based on shared values and purpose.
The physical desires of our bodies are inherently insatiable. Think about finishing that bag of chips—were you truly satisfied, or did you want more? When body and ego dominate our choices, we find ourselves trapped in cycles of temporary gratification followed by lingering regret. But when connected to our souls, even in the face of physical discomfort, we discover resilience and deeper joy. After 23 years of marriage, I've learned that possessions are ultimately meaningless; what matters is growing spiritually together, focusing on positive traits, and connecting beyond the physical. When we choose what our souls know is good—even when our bodies or egos protest—we build relationships that don't just survive but genuinely thrive. Ready to create more balance in your life and relationships? Start by recognizing which part of you is driving your decisions today.
Body, soul or poke bowl. What is a poke bowl? Essentially, it's deconstructed sushi, a combination of rice, vegetables like avocado, cucumbers, fresh fish, often salmon, and a flavorful sauce like soya teriyaki. If you only have a bowl of rice, is that considered a poke bowl? No, what about just a bowl of salmon? Still no. It takes all the ingredients coming together to create a true poke bowl. No, what about just a bowl of salmon? Still no. It takes all the ingredients coming together to create a true poke bowl.
Speaker 1:Humans are much the same. At our core, we're made up of three essential parts body, ego and soul. Focusing on just one while neglecting the others often leaves us falling short of our full potential. This imbalance can also create challenges in our relationships, like the Poke Bowl. True harmony comes when all the pieces work together. When you recognize that we are composed of three parts body, ego and soul it reveals our inherently spiritual nature. Your body makes decisions on whether something feels good to you, your ego makes decisions based on whether something looks good on you, and your soul makes decisions based on what is truly good to you. Your ego makes decisions based on whether something looks good on you and your soul makes decisions based on what is truly good for you. This is a test we live with every day of our life to try to choose our soul over our body or ego. Google defines spiritual as something affecting the human spirit, as opposed to material or physical things.
Speaker 1:For the purpose of this book, let's break down the word spirituality into two parts spirit and ritual. Spirit this represents the non-physical part of us, the essence of who we are. It includes our soul, our thoughts and our ego. Though abstract, these qualities are fundamental to our being. Just because we can't see them doesn't make them any less real. Science has long explained the existence of visible forces like air, radio waves and gravity. Likewise, our spirit is an unseen force that drives us, shaping our values and how we connect with others. Ritual this is the physical side of our existence, the part we see and experience through our bodies. Rituals involve our daily habits and the routines that sustain us, like eating, breathing and taking care of our basic needs. We often perform these actions without a second thought, but they are an essential part of our lives. The ritual component of spirituality represents the disciplined, purposeful actions we engage in to nourish our spiritual well-being. Together, spirit and ritual make up the concept of spirituality. It's about understanding and nurturing both the unseen, internal part of who we are and the daily practices that bring those deeper values into our physical lives, focusing Beyond the Physical.
Speaker 1:When you first meet someone, it's natural to focus on their physical appearance. It's the first thing you notice, and why I call it first date bias. If you base your relationship solely on what's visible, you risk missing out on a deeper connection, one that could last a lifetime. Too much emphasis on physical attraction can cause us to overlook potential soulmates, people whose spirit resonates with ours. A spiritually grounded relationship encourages you to look beyond surface level qualities and build a connection based on shared values and purpose. This deeper bond is what keeps relationships strong.
Speaker 1:Through the inevitable changes life brings, whether it's aging, financial stress or difficult challenges, spirituality can act as a constant ensuring that your relationship isn't derailed, one that has the power to last through anything Understanding the body and soul. When preparing for marriage, it's crucial to recognize that your shared meaningful life purpose should extend beyond the physical realm and encompass spiritual fulfillment. This begins with the understanding that you, as a person, consist of both a body, ego and soul. If your soul lacks purpose or spiritual connection, you may attempt to fill that void by overindulging your body, seeking temporary satisfaction through physical means. This compensatory behavior often manifests in various ways focusing slowly on your children, obsessing over physical fitness, accumulating wealth, taking extravagant vacations or acquiring material possessions.
Speaker 1:Here is the key realization your body will never be fully satisfied. The desires of the physical are insatiable, continually seeking more and less. They are balanced by the fulfillment of your soul's deeper spiritual desires. Consider the last time you finished a can of Pringles or a bag of Doritos After eating the final chip. Were you truly satisfied? Probably not, because the craving for something salty or indulgent rarely goes away. Our physical cells are wired for cravings and can easily become addicted to fleeting pleasures. From a young age, we are conditioned to desire more the better toy, the faster bike, the bigger house, the higher paying job, the flashier car. Better toy, the faster bike, the bigger house, the higher paying job, the flashier car.
Speaker 1:When the body's desires dominate, it becomes increasingly difficult to find lasting satisfaction in anything, including marriage. The body naturally seeks pleasure and gratification, which is why it often dictates our choices. Without a strong spiritual foundation, this tendency can lead us astray, driving us to make impulsive decisions that may feel good in the moment but don't serve us in the long term. Take, for instance, the temptation of a delicious piece of chocolate cake. Our initial reaction is to indulge, perhaps even to have another slice if it's particularly rich and moist. But when do we stop? Do we stop when we're truly satisfied, or do we stop only when we start feeling sick or guilty for overindulging? The truth is, unless we learn to control our physical desires, we can easily fall into patterns of excess, whether it's overeating, overspending or overindulging in any number of temporary pleasures. This lack of self-control can make it harder to maintain a balanced, fulfilling marriage.
Speaker 1:Relationships, just like our health, thrive on disciplined and intentional choices. Without the ability to remain in your urges, you may find yourself becoming more reactive, more easily upset and, ultimately, less connected to your partner on a deeper level. To cultivate a meaningful, lasting relationship, you need to strike a balance between your body's needs, your ego's desires and your soul's nourishment. Only when the soul is provided with spiritual meaning can you temper the body's cravings and build a life grounded in purpose rather than fleeting pleasures. Here are three scenarios that may help you to distinguish between the body and the soul, showing how much they each manifest within us.
Speaker 1:Scenario number one Imagine your friends are over to watch a football game. Your best friend, joey, arrives and you tell him to grab a beer from the kitchen. Moments later he collapses on the kitchen floor from a massive heart attack, despite your efforts to revive him. The paramedics arrive and declare Joey dead as they prepare to take his body away. Your friend Maddie arrives. You tearfully tell him Joey's gone. In shock, maddie runs to the kitchen, sees Joey's body lying on the floor and exclaims what do you mean? He's gone, he's right here. You try to explain that Joey has died, he's gone. Maddie continues to argue with you and say yes, joey's not gone, he is right here.
Speaker 1:The question you need to ask yourself is simple Is Joey there or is he not there? If you understand that included in our essence is a body and a soul, the answer becomes clear. However, if you don't recognize this, you may struggle to answer him because your mind is caught in contradiction. This contradiction highlights a fundamental truth Joey's body may be present, but his soul, the essence of who he is, is no longer there. The body and soul are distinct and the real Joey departed with his soul.
Speaker 1:Scenario number two you order a pizza with your favorite toppings. After three slices. You're full, but you notice there's one slice left. You wrestle with the temptation to eat it and finally you give in. After you enjoy eating the slice for about 30 seconds, you immediately feel awful stuffed, uncomfortable and filled with regret. You enjoy the pizza in the moment, left uncomfortable and filled with regret. You enjoyed the pizza in the moment, but the pleasure was fleeting. The guilt, however, lingers much longer. This scenario illustrates how listening to the body over the soul often leads to short-lived gratification followed by regret. Your body isn't happy because your stomach hurts. Plus, your soul isn't happy because it knows you made the wrong choice.
Speaker 1:Scenario number three You've just completed a grueling 10-mile race. When you return home, you devour three sandwiches and collapse on the couch, exhausted and sore. Your body aches and you can barely move. But how do you feel? You feel incredible. Why? Because, even though your body is in pain, your soul is elated from finishing a 10-mile run. The joy of finishing the race far outweighs the physical discomfort. This is a clear example of how the soul's fulfillment brings a deeper, longer-lasting sense of satisfaction than the body's temporary cravings. In scenario number one, joey's body remains, but his soul, his true essence is gone. It's the only time we exist in two places. The body stays behind, but the soul moves on. In scenarios number two and three, you see that when the body is in control, lasting happiness is elusive. But when the soul takes charge, even in the face of discomfort or pain, you find joy and fulfillment.
Speaker 1:When you listen to your soul, you are more resilient and more accomplished and much happier overall. Following your soul allows you to rise above life's pettiness. A person who lives spiritually finds meaning even in challenges, recognizing them as opportunities for growth. This mindset is what true resilience looks like. It also dramatically improves relationships. Minor quirks or irritations that may have once bothered you about your spouse will no longer carry the same weight. Someone who is connected with their soul is better equipped to handle marriages inevitable ups and downs. When you live with a focus on your soul, you gain a deeper understanding of what it means to be in a lasting relationship, one where you are never leaving.
Speaker 1:The love I have for my wife today, after 23 years of marriage, is profoundly deeper than when we first got married. This transformation is because we have both grown spiritually and have become less attached to material things. We've learned that all the possessions are ultimately meaningless. In fact, the more I acquired, the more I had to manage. Everyone has quirks or habits that can be challenging in a marriage, the key is finding a partner who is committed to living with meaning and purpose, focusing on your positive traits and connecting with you on a spiritual level, beyond the physical. Now, with our focus on spirituality, I can devote the time and energy needed to nurture our relationship and help it flourish. Our body wants to do what feels good. Our ego wants to do what looks good. Our soul wants to do what is good. This is the test we live with every day, and focusing on your soul, especially in a relationship, is how we can be our best. Thanks for listening to the Coach Writer Podcast.