The Coach Ratner Podcast
Coach Ratner is not a matchmaker, but a MateMaker. With 7 books under his belt, Coach Ratner is an accomplished author and sought-after speaker on topics such as relationships, self-esteem and spirituality. His unique insights and captivating speaking style have helped countless individuals achieve their goals and transform their lives.
The Coach Ratner Podcast
Criticism Burns, Compliments Heal-Sunscreen Audiobook
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The silent relationship killer might be lurking in your everyday conversations. That seemingly innocent comment about the dishes left unwashed or the forgotten errand isn't just a passing remark—it's potentially erasing the protective layer keeping your relationship safe from harm.
Through my years of relationship coaching, I've discovered a powerful truth: criticism acts exactly like wiping sunscreen off someone at the beach, while compliments reapply that essential protection. Each critical word strips away the safeguards you've built together, leaving your connection vulnerable to the burning rays of resentment and disconnection. This metaphor has transformed how countless couples communicate, helping them recognize the true impact of their words.
Ready to transform your relationship through the power of words? Start by finding one genuine compliment to share with your partner today. Then watch what happens when you consistently choose to apply sunscreen rather than wipe it away. Your relationship deserves this protection—and so do you.
Compliment, don't criticize. I grew up in a home where criticism was common and often directed at me and my siblings. It may have been passed down from my parents' upbringing or was simply a part of their way of communicating. No one saw it as a negative trait at the time. The problem arises when criticism becomes so ingrained that it shapes who you are. You may not even realize you're being critical and if you're married, one spouse may begin to resent the other. This can set off a downward spiral in the relationship where it feels almost impossible to recover. Think about how many times you may have criticized your spouse without even thinking about it. No one likes to be criticized. Every time you criticize your spouse, you are wiping the sunscreen off, and every time you compliment your spouse, you're putting sunscreen on. Understanding this concept can keep your relationship from burning. Case study I was coaching a woman in her late 30s beautiful, accomplished and with so much going for her. She shared with me about a recent brief relationship that had just ended. Her story highlighted for me how common criticism can be in relationships. She told me that she met her date at a restaurant when they both ordered soup and sandwiches. As an observant Jew, she went to wash her hands and say a blessing before eating her bread, as is the custom for religious Jews. Before eating her bread, as is the custom for religious Jews, her date, who is not nearly as observant, returned from washing his hands and started eating a sandwich without saying anything. She then says to him aren't you going to say a blessing? He responds no, I was just washing my hands because they were dirty. She says you know you're supposed to say a blessing before you eat your sandwich. He then poured his soup all over her lap. I'm just kidding about that.
Speaker 1:After she shared this story, I said to her do you realize that you criticized him? She looked surprised and responded no, I didn't, I just wanted to be a better man. At this point. I told her you criticized him and no one man or woman wants to be criticized. Are there times when criticism is necessary in a marriage? You criticize them and no one man or woman wants to be criticized.
Speaker 1:Are there times when criticism is necessary in a marriage? Absolutely, but far less often than you might think. For example, when your spouse leaves her underwear on the floor Definitely not worth criticizing or when they forget to put the toilet seat down, not even close. These minor inconveniences are easy to live with. Think of it this way when you criticize your spouse, it's like wiping sunscreen off someone at the beach. You're erasing the love and romance you've built, leaving your marriage exposed to the harsh rays of negativity.
Speaker 1:Most people don't take criticism well, and even though you are only criticizing the action, many people will take that as you being critical of them and not the action. Men in particular don't like being criticized because they often internalize it as a lack of respect. Some women tell me that their husbands do nothing around the house and they can't stand it, so they criticize them. My advice to these women is to treat their husbands like a man they respect. When you do, you'll start to see them become a man that you respect. Find one thing, no matter how small, to compliment your husband on. You'll be surprised how much they appreciate the positive reinforcement and hopefully it will inspire them to seek more opportunities to earn your praise.
Speaker 1:Before criticizing, take a moment to pause and ask yourself if it truly needs to be said. Instead of focusing on the negative, practice constructive communication. Frame your feedback by telling your spouse what you'd like them to do, rather than pointing out what you don't want. Focus on the positives. Remember there was a reason you married this person. Reconnect with the reason and you'll be more likely not to criticize. Now let's explore four key strategies to help keep the sunscreen on in your relationship, protecting and nurturing it for the long term. This is Coach Ratner of the Coach Ratner Podcast. If you like this, please share, comment, save, subscribe and tell your friends about it. Thank you so much.