The Coach Ratner Podcast
Coach Ratner is not a matchmaker, but a MateMaker. With 7 books under his belt, Coach Ratner is an accomplished author and sought-after speaker on topics such as relationships, self-esteem and spirituality. His unique insights and captivating speaking style have helped countless individuals achieve their goals and transform their lives.
The Coach Ratner Podcast
Monthly Honeymoons: How Taking Breaks Keeps Passion Alive-Sunscreen Love Audiobook
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Passion fades. Every couple knows it's true. That electric feeling you experienced when you first met your spouse gradually dimmed as years passed, replaced by comfort and routine. But what if rekindling that spark were possible through surprisingly simple techniques backed by both modern science and ancient wisdom?
The "seven-year itch" isn't inevitable. When couples find their excitement waning, many make the devastating mistake of seeking new relationships rather than revitalizing their current one. The truth? That same passionate connection you once shared still exists—it just needs intentional rekindling.
This episode explores two powerful pathways to renewed passion. First, we dive into how regular strenuous exercise naturally boosts serotonin levels, creating what I call "free drugs" that transform your emotional state and energy levels. You'll learn why even small beginnings matter, like my own journey from barely running one block to completing multiple miles. Just as a NASA rocket's tiny course correction can prevent missing a destination by millions of miles, small consistent efforts in your relationship create profound change over time.
Then we explore a fascinating approach from Jewish tradition that creates "monthly honeymoons" through intentional periods of physical separation. This practice addresses the relationship-killing problem of "sexual ambiguity" by creating clear periods of anticipation followed by passionate reunion. The result? A marriage that maintains both the "fire" of excitement and the "water" of stability—elements that naturally conflict yet are both essential for lasting love.
Ready to transform your relationship? Start with small changes today, whether it's running to the end of your block or having an honest conversation about intentional intimacy. Your relationship's renewed passion awaits. Subscribe now for more relationship wisdom that actually works.
A monthly honeymoon? Do you still feel the same spark with your spouse that you did early in your marriage? Regardless of your answer, there's always room to deepen that connection. You may have heard of the seven-year itch. Thankfully it's not a skin condition and if it were, you definitely want to avoid it. Instead, it's a term for the point in a relationship, often around seven years, when one or both partners might feel the excitement has waned. This can lead some to seek new relationships rather than reigniting the passion in their current marriage. The same feeling you had in the beginning is often still there. It just needs to be rekindled. How do you make your relationship feel fresh and exciting again? How do you bring back that spark and passion you felt when you first met or got married? Let's dive into some key ideas that can help you keep the passion alive.
Speaker 1:Exercise Strenuous exercise can increase the passion in all your relationships. Sure, a little soreness might come with it, but that's nothing compared to the pain of getting a divorce. Any activity that gets your heart pumping is fantastic, but running is the most efficient and has the greatest impact. While many people seek youth through vitamins or plastic surgery, the true, lasting benefits often come from regular, vigorous exercise. In today's world, most of us live sedentary lives. We're no longer trekked to the river to fetch water or hunt for our meals. Instead, almost everything we need is just to tap or cook away, requiring little effort. But this lack of movement can take a toll on our mood, energy and, ultimately, the way we connect with our loved ones. Regular exercise isn't just about fitness. It's essential for mental well-being. Exercise naturally boosts serotonin, sometimes called the happy chemical, in our brains. As we age, our serotonin produces production declines, which can lead to depression, anxiety and sleep problems. The good news is that regular exercise can help counter this by elevating serotonin levels, improving your mood and overall sense of well-being. With more energy and patience, you'll bring renewed passion to your relationship.
Speaker 1:In colleges worldwide, students often experiment with various drugs in search of a good feeling. Consistent running offers what I like to call free drugs no cost or harmful side effects, and a natural high. The benefits include improved health and a whole range of other positive effects. To be clear, while a leisurely three-mile walk is beneficial, it won't generate the serotonin boost needed to shift your outlook on life. For that, you need exercise that significantly raises your heart rate, making you sweat and breathe hard. Sitting on a stationary bike and lightly pedaling while reading a book won't cut it. Although yoga is fantastic for health and flexibility, most yoga classes aren't strenuous enough to trigger that serotonin surge. Health and flexibility. Most yoga classes aren't strenuous enough to trigger that serotonin surge. Choose an activity that pushes you physically, as that's what will have the greatest positive impact on your relationships Getting motivated to start exercising.
Speaker 1:You're not going to meet your future spouse or improve your current marriage while sitting on the couch eating bonbons. You have to get off your tush and get started. That's exactly the mindset I had to adopt when I decided to get back in shape. Back in college, I worked at a pizza shop making pizzas from scratch. Every day, for every slice I sold, I'd eat one 25 pounds later. I left college overweight.
Speaker 1:I was unhappy with my appearance and low stamina, so I decided to start running. At first I could barely run a single block before feeling winded, but I got up and ran that one short block. It only took a few minutes, but it was a start. Each day I aimed to add another 20 or 30 feet just making it to the next driveway. Little by little, I built momentum. After a couple of weeks I managed to run four blocks and before long I could run a full mile. That was a big milestone, because once I could run a mile, two miles was within reach. And once I hit two miles, running a 5K or even a 10K started to feel possible.
Speaker 1:At this point you can confidently call yourself a runner, and the feeling is amazing. The positive changes in your life become evident as you experience a surge of happiness and energy. The exhilaration of a runner's high is where your body and soul are at peace and perfect harmony. This newfound vitality translates into greater passion and stamina for everything you pursue, especially for cultivating a thriving relationship. Incorporating just a bit of exercise into your daily routine can lead to significant improvements over time, even if it's as simple as running a few blocks. If the idea of running feels daunting, consider breaking it down to manageable chunks. For example, running a quarter mile four times throughout the day is just as effective as completing a mile in one go To inspire you to take those small steps toward the transformation you desire.
Speaker 1:Here is a helpful analogy A NASA rocket scientist is sending a satellite to a planet in a galaxy far, far away, unbeknownst to him. The direction the rocket is headed is off by about one centimeter. No one notices the error until well after the rocket has left Earth's orbit and entered outer space. What seems like just a tiny error can end up sending the satellite to a completely wrong galaxy, millions of miles from its intended destination. If it only takes a tiny error to throw the rocket off course by millions of miles, then making just a small correction earlier would have put the rocket right back to its destination. If your life is off course, it can significantly impact your relationships. Just one small change today can have a tremendous impact months or years down the road. This analogy applies to every aspect of life. Just start small and eventually all those small changes in your life will put you back on course to enhance the relationship you currently have. There is no excuse for you not to run to the end of the block and back go run now, get rid of uncertainty.
Speaker 1:I like to refer to an issue I call sexual ambiguity. Sexual ambiguity arises when one spouse is eager for intimacy while the other isn't interested. For example, he's ready to go but she's feeling a bit under the weather, or she longs for closeness while he's too drained from work. As marriages evolve, the likelihood of encountering uncertainty grows. This uncertainty can introduce stress into the relationship, often compounding over time and potentially leading to its breakdown. A strong physical bond is essential for a healthy marriage, and when ambiguity arises in this area, it becomes a slippery slope, increasing risk of insidality or divorce. There's also the risk of monotony, which can creep in when you're with the same spouse for a lifetime.
Speaker 1:So how can both you maintain the physicality and passion that characterize the early days of your marriage? You've likely heard of the concept of date night, a valuable tool for married couples to reconnect, especially those with children. Amid the daily hustle and bustle, it's easy to lose sight of why you fell in love in the first place. Setting aside dedicated time for just the two of you allows for meaningful rekindling of your bond. Prioritizing time together without the kids is crucial. It creates space for intimacy that often gets overshadowed by family responsibilities. While date night may help address the issue of this uncertainty in a marriage, it's not a guaranteed solution. So how can you effectively tackle this challenge that many couples face? Is there a way to eliminate sexual ambiguity so when you go to bed, you are clear on whether you will be physical together?
Speaker 1:Fire and water don't mix. Every couple yearns for two essential elements in their relationship A fire-like intensity and a water-like calmness. What sets fire and water apart? Fire is hot, passionate and electrifying. It symbolizes a relationship filled with desire, excitement and fervent love the exhilarating feeling that many couples recall experiencing early in their marriage. The challenge, however, lies in sustaining that fiery passion. Over time, we want to feel that rush when our spouse enters the room and yearning to be close, to ignite our passion and to connect, as if we are two souls merging into one. On the other hand, water embodies a relationship that is dependable, calm, tranquil and consistent, much like a gentle stream, its soothing sound slowing over smooth rocks. This stability is essential in a marriage, as a relationship can't thrive solely on fiery passion. We also need moments of serenity where we can simply be ourselves. While a relationship grounded in water may function, for a time your spouse may become almost like a loyal business partner. They are always there when you need them, but you eventually miss the fire. Here's where the challenge lies. For most couples, fire and water can't survive together. No scientist has successfully combined the two. Either the fire evaporates the water or the water extinguishes the fire. So how can you nurture both a fire relationship and a water-like relationship, keeping it fresh.
Speaker 1:We can gain valuable insights about marriage from the Jewish tradition, which has been preserved for thousands of years. You don't need to be Jewish or adhere to any particular faith to appreciate these teachings. If something has endured for millennia, it likely holds significant wisdom. Among these traditions are the laws of family purity. When a woman experiences her monthly cycle, the couple typically separates for about two weeks. During this time, they refrain from hugging, kissing or possibly even sharing the same bed. This intentional break from physical intimacy allows for a significant shift in the relationship dynamic. With the physical aspect temporarily set aside, the emotional connection takes center stage, fostering deeper conversations and understanding on a more profound level.
Speaker 1:As the two-week period draws to a close, an exhilarating sense of anticipation begins to build. This heightened desire can manifest romantically, creating electricity between the spouses. The thrilling tension draws them closer together, igniting the spark of passion and intimacy that they have been longing for. Just like anything else in life, when something is constantly available, it tends to lose its allure. The excitement and special feelings you once had with your spouse when you first got married can fade over time. The thrill of anticipation diminishes, making those once-sparkling moments feel more routine and less extraordinary. When the break finally concludes, the woman immerses herself in a spiritual bath, known as a mikvah, and then it's time for the fireworks. It's just like being on their honeymoon. The desire to be passionate together returns, just as when they were first together.
Speaker 1:Taking a physical break, even for a short period, can be a powerful step to reigniting the passion in your marriage. Start with a few days and gradually extend the duration each month until you discover the optimal time that helps recreate be a powerful step to reigniting the passion in your marriage. Start with a few days and gradually extend the duration each month until you discover the optimal time that helps recreate that exhilarating feeling of being together for the first time. This approach can effectively eliminate the dilemma of sexual ambiguity. A couple is either on or off. This removes any ambiguity about the physical intimacy, which will significantly reduce stress in your relationship.
Speaker 1:After her cycle, a woman typically makes herself available to her husband without excuses like I have a headache or I'm too tired. During the off period, there's no room for last-minute disappointments or uncertainty. The husband can then arrange his evenings without worry that he won't be needed for intimacy with his wife. He can then spend time with friends or attend sporting events stress-free. Knowing this takes so much stress off of the relationship. While introducing a physical break in your marriage may feel challenging, the effort can lead to a deeply passionate relationship as a reward. It's relatively easy to find a partner and reach the commitment stage, but navigating the journey to the phase of never leaving is far more complex. Just as running is one of the most efficient forms of exercise, intentionally taking a break from physical intimacy might also be the catalyst for rekindling the passion in your relationship. This is Coach Radner, the Coach Radner Podcast.