The Coach Ratner Podcast
Coach Ratner is not a matchmaker, but a MateMaker. With 7 books under his belt, Coach Ratner is an accomplished author and sought-after speaker on topics such as relationships, self-esteem and spirituality. His unique insights and captivating speaking style have helped countless individuals achieve their goals and transform their lives.
The Coach Ratner Podcast
What Amazon Can Teach You About Your Marriage-Sunscreen Love Audiobook
Let me know your thoughts about the podcast. Thank you for listening!
Marriages that stand the test of time aren't built on fleeting passion or convenience—they're cultivated with an infinite mindset. Drawing inspiration from Simon Sinek's business philosophy, this eye-opening exploration reveals how the same principles that transformed Amazon into a global powerhouse can revolutionize your relationship.
Discover ten powerful strategies that transform ordinary relationships into extraordinary legacies. From mastering emotional regulation and embracing vulnerability (much like a lobster must shed its shell to grow) to developing resilience and seeing challenges through your partner's unique lens. Each practice builds upon the others to create a relationship infrastructure strong enough to weather any storm. When you commit to never raising your voice, speaking positively, judging favorably, and considering how your actions impact others, you're not just improving your marriage—you're modeling healthy relationship patterns that your children and grandchildren may one day emulate.
Ready to shift from short-term thinking to infinite impact? Your journey toward a marriage that outlasts you begins with the choices you make today. Subscribe to the CoachWriter podcast for more relationship wisdom that transforms not just your partnership, but generations to come.
Infinite marriage. The infinite marriage represents a marriage that is nurtured, developed and sustained, not only for your lifetime, but also for your children and future generations. If you want your children to experience a great marriage, you must model what a great marriage looks like. It all begins with you. The effort you invest in your marriage isn't just a one-time commitment. It's a continuous journey. Every action you take to foster a strong relationship today lays the groundwork for a legacy that extends far beyond your lifetime. This perspective is essential for building anything that thrives in the long run.
Speaker 1:In Simon Sinek's best-selling book, the Infinite Game, he explores how adopting a finite mindset in business can hinder long-term success. When leaders focus solely on achieving immediate goals, they risk overlooking the sustainability of their organizations. Many executives prioritize short-term financial gains or sales targets, often influenced by their compensation packages, which can misalign their goals with investors. In contrast, an infinite mindset encourages leaders to think about the company's future. What will it look like in 20, 30 years and beyond? This approach ultimately leads to a more sustainable and successful business. Amazon exemplifies the power of an infinite mindset. For years, the company operated at a loss, leading many investors to question its viability. Yet under the leadership of founder and CEO Jeff Bezos. The company remained steadfastly on long-term growth and innovation. Bezos prioritized building a sustainable business model over appeasing short-term traders or immediate financial returns. His vision was not just about the next quarter, but about where Amazon would be in 20 years and beyond. This commitment to the future has ultimately positioned Amazon as one of the most valuable companies of all time, demonstrating that patience and a long-term perspective can yield extraordinary results.
Speaker 1:The same mindset should be applied to your marriage. Creating an infinite marriage can actually be more straightforward than establishing a long-lasting business. Unlike businesses that often grapple with financial constraints and the constant need for funding, a thriving marriage doesn't always have to contend with such pressures. Instead of running out of money, the primary concern is a marriage running out of patience. While businesses focus on immediate profitability, your relationship can flourish with the right investment of time, effort and love, ensuring its longevity for future generations.
Speaker 1:What constitutes a finite marriage? A marriage based on a specific physical goal? Early in this book, we explored the idea of marrying primarily for reasons such as having children or other physical aspects of the relationship. While children can indeed be a compelling reason to marry, they shouldn't be the sole focus. A successful marriage requires a deeper foundation that extends beyond the physical. As you enter the commitment phase, it's essential to start contemplating the long-term vision of your relationship, considering what lies beyond your lifetime may not be at the forefront of your thoughts when dating, but this perspective is crucial as you solidify your commitment to one another. How can you ground your marriage in the infinite marriage? What steps can you do to lay a solid foundation for your entire life together and, ideally, for your children's children? Here are 10 key strategies to help you get started. Just as Steve Jobs built Apple and Warren Buffett grew Berkshire Hathaway, you too are laying the groundwork for a legacy that can span generations.
Speaker 1:Number one never raise your voice. I know this can be challenging for some. With patience, it's entirely achievable. Different strategies work for different people. Some count to 10 when anger strikes. Other bite their tongues, while some retreat to another room and beat up a pillow, recognizing that yelling rarely accomplishes anything except fulfilling your desire to get angry. Often, those who tend to show their anger have learned this behavior from their parents. If you find yourself struggling to keep your voice down, try to pause and transition to a calm tone as soon as you can. If you can't, leave the room and go somewhere else where you can vent without anyone hearing or seeing you, and then you can be the papilla if you need to.
Speaker 1:Number two be resilient. Resilience is one of the most valuable traits to have in a spouse. Resilient individuals remain calm and collected in the face of adversity. They don't complain about dirty hotels. Instead, they say they are happy they don't have to sleep on a park bench. They don't complain about airline food. Instead, they comment how amazing it is that they are sitting in an aluminum tube flying 600 miles per hour at 40,000 feet above the earth, while the flight attendant is pouring them a 7-up and giving them a hot meal. If they encounter a dirty glass at a restaurant, they simply take a napkin and wipe it down instead of making a fuss. They don't panic and go to the hospital. When a child has a fever or hits their head in the corner of a table, they wait calmly and use ice or a cold bath to reduce the fever or swelling. They don't panic about the current diseases being plastered all over the media. They think for themselves and take precautions that make sense.
Speaker 1:Number three be vulnerable. Embracing vulnerability allows your authentic emotions to surface as a hallmark of emotional health. We can learn a lot about being vulnerable from a lobster. A lobster is a soft, mushy animal that lives underwater in a hard shell. When its body grows, it becomes very uncomfortable because its shell does not grow with it. To adapt, the lobster undergoes a molting process, shedding its old shell. In this moment of transition, it becomes highly vulnerable, lacking protection from predators. To protect itself, it hides beneath rocks or reefs until its new shell hardens, just like the lobster.
Speaker 1:Being vulnerable in your marriage requires courage. It means opening up about your fears and insecurities and feelings without the immediate safety of your emotional shell. By allowing yourself to be vulnerable, you create deeper intimacy and trust with your spouse. When we feel uncomfortable or in emotional pain, what do we do? What many of us do is figuratively lose our shell and allow ourselves to be vulnerable and grow. Instead, we go see a doctor who may prescribe anti-anxiety medication. These drugs numb our feelings, but this approach can create a cycle of avoidance, preventing us from facing and processing our emotions, ultimately hindering our connection and relationships. True healing and growth comes from confronting our discomfort and allowing ourselves to be open and vulnerable.
Speaker 1:You can't be authentic when you're focused on pleasing others, pretending to be someone you're not or suppressing your true feelings. Bottling up emotions will inevitably lead to emotional turmoil, creating a finite relationship that lacks depth. In contrast, an infinite marriage thrives on vulnerability. It involves acknowledging your insecurities and anxieties and confronting them head-on. This honest self-examination can be challenging. It involves acknowledging your insecurities and anxieties and confronting them head-on. This honest self-examination can be challenging, but it's essential for building genuine emotional intimacy with your spouse. No one enjoys being vulnerable. It's inherently challenging. Admitting I'm wrong can feel like a defeat. Saying I love you opens up your heart, and expressing I need help requires humility. Yet personal growth hinges on your ability to embrace vulnerability, particularly in your marriage. This willingness to share your true self flaws, fears and all creates an environment of trust and intimacy. It's through these authentic exchanges that you become the person you're truly meant to be, both for yourself and your spouse. Vulnerability may be uncomfortable, but it's a crucial step toward deeper connections and a more fulfilling relationship.
Speaker 1:Number four judge everyone favorably. It is very easy to find fault with people and always focus on their negative characteristics, even if you only do it with people you don't know well. Someone who is working on an infinite marriage will focus on the positive aspects of everyone they meet, especially those they don't know. If you can judge people favorably that you don't know, think about how much easier it would be to judge the closest person in your life favorably your spouse. One effective approach to foster understanding and empathy is to foster understanding and empathy is to view each new person you meet as a 50-chapter book. When you encounter someone, especially in a negative context, you're only witnessing a single chapter of their story. They might be in chapter 25 and you have no insight into the first 24 chapters that shaped who they are today. Perhaps you've experienced emotional trauma or faced challenges you know nothing about. Keeping this perspective in mind can help temper your reactions and judgments. After all, you have no idea what the final chapters of the book will reveal. Their story may culminate in a beautiful, uplifting conclusion.
Speaker 1:Number five speak positively. Create infinite marriage begins with a culture of positive communication. This means refraining from criticizing your spouse and instead using language that uplifts and encourages. Just as negative speech can undermine and tear someone down, positive words have the power to build them up. By consciously choosing to focus on the positive aspects of your relationship and expressing appreciation, you can shift your mode of communication. Number six embrace life. Celebrate the beauty in everyday moments, whether it's a rainy day or muddy floors. Open your doors and windows to let in fresh air, welcoming the world outside. Don't spread over the occasional bug that might wander in. Instead, embrace your resilience and remember that little chaos can add character to life. By choosing to find joy in these imperfect moments, you cultivate a spirit of appreciation and adventure that can invigorate your relationship and create lasting memories together.
Speaker 1:Number seven never quit. Always demonstrate that you are not a quitter. It's perfectly acceptable to step away from a situation to gain clarity, but make sure you return with renewed determination to keep trying. Approach challenges with creativity and an open mind, looking for solutions outside the norm. Remember when you give up, you're choosing a finite mindset. Instead, embrace the infinite, persevere, adapt and keep pushing forward, even when the going gets tough. Number eight don't take things personally. Remember no one is out to get you.
Speaker 1:When your spouse acts in a way that feels insulting, resist the urge to take it to heart. Often their actions are not meant to be personal. They may stem from their own insecurities or the influence of a difficult upbringing. Finite relationships often suffer when partners interpret each other's behavior as a personal attack. In contrast, infinite relationships thrive on the understanding that your spouse generally wants the best for you and would never deliberately cause you pain. Cultivate this mindset and you'll find it much easier to navigate challenges together. The most effective way to alleviate the stress of interacting with a difficult person is to cultivate compassion for them and offer assistance when you can. Often, those who behave inappropriately are carrying far more emotional baggage than you might realize. Take a moment to be grateful that you aren't facing the same struggles they are. Remember people can evolve and transform into remarkable individuals over time. While you can't change someone else, you can change your reaction to them. By responding with understanding and kindness, you create an environment that may inspire positive change in them.
Speaker 1:Number nine try to see someone else's perspective. Strive to understand situations from your spouse's point of view. Your perception of the world is shaped by your unique experiences, just as theirs is shaped by theirs. For instance, if you grew up in a chaotic household or your spouse was raised in a calm and organized environment, your backgrounds create different realities. These differences can lead to misunderstandings, prompting one spouse to exclaim why can't you be just like me? The truth is, they can't because they are not you, recognizing that each person has their own way of doing things that doesn't make either of you wrong. Instead of adopting a judgmental attitude, embrace a mindset of appreciation. Aim to complement each other's differences rather than criticize them.
Speaker 1:Number 10. Consider the impact of your actions on others. At the heart of the infinite marriage is the awareness of how your actions ripple out to affect those around you and, potentially, future generations. If your behavior could harm others, whether through fighting, yelling, lying, arguing, cheating, acting irresponsibly or being overly critical, it's worth reconsidering those actions. Reflect on how your choices resonate beyond the immediate moment, shaping not only your relationship but also setting a precedent for future generations. Thank you so much for listening to the CoachWriter podcast.