Saying I Love You Before It's Too Late | Episode 457

Saying I Love You Before It's Too Late | Episode 457

455 episodes sounds like a number until you hear what’s underneath it: a clock you can’t stop, a mental health journey you can’t fake, and a choice to lead by example even when life feels heavy. I talk about why the Voices for Voices TV show and podcast keeps moving, and why creating something meaningful with very little budget can still change lives. If you’ve ever wondered whether your anxiety, depression, trauma, or diagnosis disqualifies you from building a mission, I want this to be a clear answer: it doesn’t.

I also return to a conversation that shook me, a rare and honest look at caregiving and how we treat people as they age. Dementia, Alzheimer’s, cancer, assisted living, end-of-life decisions, and family dynamics can make people disappear socially long before they’re gone. I share why dignity and respect matter, why “being there” can be the whole point, and how simple acts like sitting in the same room can bring real comfort when words run out.

The most personal moments come from my own story: recovery after a hospital discharge, fear that lingered for months, and the quiet support my dad gave me without needing credit. I also talk about regret, the weight of not saying “I love you” sooner, and what it felt like to finally say it while he could still understand. If any of this hits home, share it with someone who needs it, subscribe for more real conversations, and leave a review so more people can find Voices for Voices. Who are you going to reach out to today?

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Chapter Markers

0:00 Welcome And Big Ask To Share

1:20 Why The Catalog Keeps Growing

3:46 Making Hard Topics Visible

6:15 Caregiving With Dignity And Respect

12:52 When Presence Is The Comfort

14:54 Recovery Fears After The Hospital

18:17 Regret And Learning To Say Love

21:12 Time Is Limited So Show Up

22:55 Closing Thanks And Subscribe Reminder

#justiceforjustin #justiceforvoicesforvoicestiktok #VoicesforVoices #BeingThere #NonVerbalCommunication #EmotionalSupport #ConnectionMatters #PresenceOverWords #SilentUnderstanding #QualityTime #CompassionInAction #EmpathyInRelationships #MindfulPresence #SupportWithoutWords #HumanConnection #ListeningWithHeart #MeaningfulRelationships #AffectionWithoutSpeech #VoicesforVoicesPodcast #JustinAlanHayes #JustinHayes #help3billion  #TikTok #Instagram #truth #Jesusaire #VoiceForChange #HealingTogether #Episode457

Transcript

Welcome And Big Ask To Share

Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes 0:02

Hey everyone, it's Justin here, Voices for Voices. Thank you so much for joining, whether you're watching or listening, whether you're here in the United States or a country abroad, uh, across over 110 countries, territories, and provinces, and over 1,100 cities across the world. Thank you for joining us on this episode. We are well over 455 episodes in the Voices for Voices catalog. If you can do us a big favor, give us a big thumbs up, like, follow, subscribe, share to our Voices for Voices uh TV show and podcast episodes. And if you could reach out to maybe 25 of your contacts in your phone and let them know about Voices for Voices and the huge impact that we want to help at least three billion people over the course of my lifetime and beyond. Without you, we don't have a show. So thank you for the demand. Thank you for requesting more content. And that is what we are delivering on. We're going to talk about a couple different topics today. And uh the first one is one thing I get asked is why so many episodes? Why so many episodes? And at first, when I was being asked, you know, a year or so ago, uh, I really didn't have a great answer. I I I really didn't. The more I thought about it though, and have thought about it since then and now is one of the areas is having the mental illnesses that I do have. I want to be a spark of energy, of lowering that stigma of look what somebody with mental illnesses can do. And no matter how hard, how tough, how easy some of the days may be, I have to lead by example. And by doing that, a byproduct of that are the shows. That I just shared is a big part of why so many episodes. Number one, we know our time is limited, right? We we know our time's limited on earth. Uh and then that that second part that I just covered of look at what someone like me can do with very little money, very little budget, if any. Just enough to be able to get the shows out. And so if I can do it, you can do it. Maybe podcasting, maybe TV shows, maybe that's something that's not for you, maybe it's something else. And so let us, all of us in the world, not just me, not just voices for voices, let us all be a light in a world that at sometimes is a dark place where people aren't nice. People are hurting others. And all it takes is one. All it takes is one of us. So if I can do it, you can do it. I don't claim to be the best, I don't claim uh the yeah, and yeah, I don't claim the word the best. I mean, when I talk about being third behind the Joe Rogan experience in the Dan Bongino show, those are just stats to bear that, bring bring you know those numbers out. But other than that, we're just coming to you bringing real topics, transparency, or bringing easy topics, we're bringing hard topics, we're bringing topics to again, I say this over and over again, but it's so true. So many organizations are doing such great work. However, they're not covering the hard topics. I'll give you an example. So one of our past guests that you'll you have seen thus far, Marilyn Reichel from Seattle, Washington, here in the United States. And it just so happens that that's where she she lives. Uh not saying Seattle is, you know, the this uh special place. It's just where she's from, where she lives. And I have for a long time tried to no avail. So in a way, I've failed to find someone or someone to come on the show and talk about caring for individuals who are a little bit uh more mature age-wise. So they've they've they've lived a lot of years. And so I've tried to find assisted living facilities, individuals to talk about just that, what it's like, treating people with dignity, respect when it can seem like well, these individuals are at the end of their lives, they don't they don't have many years to live. And so when we had Marilyn Reichel on, and she talked about growing up in a home that didn't say the word love, the Calvinist culture heavily in her family. And so the thought was, well, almost like we're gonna cast away people when they get older, like they're some type of a commodity. And that's just not the case. And so you heard and saw in that episode where both of us were talking about experience. Let's say our dog Lucy here taking a snooze. Um Marilyn admitted that she wasn't the caregiver type of a person. Didn't think she could do it. Same thing for me with my dad. And so she talked just through this situation. She talked about doing art with her mom, she talked about uh giving like shoulder neck massages to people that she wasn't even related to, but she was given dignity and respect to these individuals, especially her mom and her dad, mother and father. And so by the fact that up until now it's taken over four hundred and fifty episodes to talk to somebody, and I I don't believe she's a registered nurse or doctor, nurse practitioner. I I don't I don't think she is, and so she was just doing it as a human, as she says and said just being a human, not somebody that well, they have dementia or Alzheimer's, or you know, they're not gonna you know, not gonna remember or they're gonna or forgetting and but she learned how to be a caregiver to the best of her ability. See if I can get a little bit more light here. This is kind of bothering me for those watching. Um just the the video is coming in a little bit dark for this episode, so like shadowy, not dark other words, the shadowy and it was so moving, so touching when she was sharing. I mean, I was in awe of that because I remember going into assisted living facilities for my grandparents. Some of them, some of the people lived living there at that time, some of their families visited and some of them didn't. Some of them may have had had family that were a long ways away. Some were just busy, some were just trying to almost like numb the pain. And I don't know this to be true, but I I know from my experience, you know, that maybe they were numbing the pain with alcohol and drugs and and and and things like that, or finding things to do, or moving away because it was hard to see just because we weren't able to have a conversation with somebody younger earlier in their years that could have. And I shared as well with my grandparents that and even with my dad that we didn't have to say sometimes we don't have to say a whole lot, but just be just knowing someone else is in that room with you, with me, it was enough. We wouldn't have to be in full-blown conversation mode to feel comfort. And I know from example, for me when I was discharged from the hospital in twenty seventeen and I was at home, I I was afraid for myself. I didn't I didn't know what was gonna happen. I was trying to recover, and and there were days that were scarier than others. And I remember asking my dad literally first to take me to take me to my therapy, and the first therapy group sessions that I went to was at a hospital, hospital that I was discharged from, and so it was that step down, and it was I think it was eight to eight to two or nine to two, anyways, there were several hours, plus an over half hour drive from my dad, and this therapy was I think it was like four days a week, and I was a f I was afraid of driving. That was one of the things that came with me at that point. I was just I was afraid, and so I had my dad come pick me up, take me to therapy. Sometimes he would go to the mall and walk, get some exercise, and then he would be in the lobby waiting for me after the therapy, and he was doing probably what I would have done too, is you know, taking a little bit of a snooze, but the fact that he did that on his own, he wasn't being compensated for it, he didn't have to do it, we didn't say a whole lot of words, a whole lot of conversation. And that was me in my 30s. So when the roles were reversed at the end of life for my dad, a lot of the time was just sitting in the same room together. I didn't know what was going through his mind, I had no clue. I knew he knew the diagnosis. But sitting with him for an hour or two or three was the least I could do as a human being and as a son. And that example I just shared about that therapy right out once I was discharged from the hospital, that was just one instance of some a time that my dad did something like that. Like I remember I'm 44, okay, and I was turned 40. And when I was younger, not a whole lot of people know this. I have shared it on at least one show. But when I was younger, in my teens, I didn't see I didn't foresee myself becoming 40 years old. Like for some reason, I didn't want to I didn't want to grow old, have gray hair. Just, you know, those types of things were going through my head at such an early age. And so it got very real when I got out of the hospital, and as I was getting closer to my birthday, I was I had no plans to do anything negatively to my body or uh that nothing like that, but I was just still just like still still afraid because years ago, that was the thought that went through my mind, and so with you know, kind of starting from the ground up in 2017, I I I called and I asked my dad, and it wasn't a therapy day. I just said, hey, and I and I wasn't able to process television very well, like I would get dizzy watching the television, so I found my favorite chair, my favorite spot, I guess, which I learned through therapy and things that that that happens where people at times find a comforts comfort zone, a comfort space to sit or to be in or around. Just like I had a comfort zone when my dad was around because I knew if anything happened, he'd be able to help take care of it for me. And he's ultimately who dialed 911, had the you know, the ambulance come, take me to the hospital, you know, to get that hospital stay started, where I decided it was time. It was time, it was time for me to have my mental health evaluated, checked out. And so I asked my dad if he would come up. I didn't say I had negative thought, I just said on my actual birthday, is a it was a weekday. I said, Hey, can you just come and just sit with me? That's what I said. And he did. He drove all the way out. He just sat there. TV was, like I said, barely on because I I I was I was getting dizzy watching. And so I know my my dad's in heaven, but I just want to say thank you again to my dad. You know, for all he he did, all he sacrificed all throughout my life. And I remember even with the shadows, and we're getting emotional that right. Sometimes we don't say as as a conversation with Marilyn in the previous episode. She was talking about you're talking about like saying talk saying, you know, how we love our you know family, our parents, and and and that. And throughout my life, I didn't I didn't really say I love you a lot to my parents. I don't know why. I think I thought I was just too not even too cool, just like, well, they're always gonna be there. And I don't need to, even though they would they would say, and so towards the end of my dad's life here on earth, we we were starting to say that we loved each other. Because one of my biggest regrets was for my grandparents that I wasn't there on their, you know, end of the day, end of their days. Before my dad had passed, my grandma passed the week of my wedding. And I was dealing with just I hadn't taken care of my mental health. And so I was just the I was just succumbed basically by the anxiety. And if she was in not a you know, not a great state. And the Wednesday before my wedding on Saturday, my grandma passed. And because my anxiety was so much for the wedding, and that I had just things build up for years and years and years, I I didn't know if I'd be able to handle it. And so I I didn't I didn't I didn't go to that that that facility. And that was a regret. And then my other grandma and grandpa was a little bit younger. And I really never had a chance, in my opinion, to say that I love them, like to them, not just to my parents and say, you know, tell grandma I love her, and tell tell grandpa or and I I I I I regret all that. So the one thing that of many things sorry, I have tears coming down if you're watching, but sometimes I'm like them away. So when my dad was getting, you know, his as all of our days are limited on earth, as his were getting more and more limited. We got to say, I love you. You know, before I would leave, you know, he wanted to stay at the house. We wanted him to stay at the house and not be in a facility. Um so we started to say, love you. Should have said it many, many, many, many, many more years sooner, but I didn't. And so that's that was a huge regret. The difference in this thought this time was he was still at at this point that I'm referring to, he had understood the diagnosis, and so we were again, we may have sat for an hour or two, and I remember dad said, you know, saying to me, you know, that we we didn't we don't have to talk a whole lot, that just being in the same room and just sitting there, like I just mentioned earlier, that that was that was just kind of what we did. Like I was telling in Maryland on our previous episode, and telling others at public events and and such that you know we could watch a ball game for two, three hours, and we may only say five, six, seven, eight words the whole the whole time. And most of the words were at the game, you know, saying something to the players like, come on, like why couldn't you make that catcher? Why couldn't you hit the ball or whatever that may be? So when we were saying you know, we love each other. I felt a little bit of a weight lifted off me because I at least got to tell him once. I got to tell him more than once, but I was able to tell him at least one time that he understood and he said it back, and then he said it, and then it just became kind of a standard that we would would do one once we you know, once we kind of got the diagnosis, it was like, well, tomorrow could be the day, today could be the day that God takes him. And so we said we just said it. And the one thing that I thought, in addition to the I love you, is so I would say I love you, he would say, you know, I love you, Justin, hey. It's difficult. He would say, I love you, and then he would say, Ever since the beginning. Basically, my understanding of that is since I was born or since my mom was pregnant with me when he said I love you, I love you, and I loved you from the beginning And he said it over and over again, and it never got old never and so I'm not I'm not doing this for pity. I'm not doing this so anybody feels bad for me. But that's part of the drive I have with voices for voices, is we don't know when our last day is gonna be on earth. Some may know somewhat of a time frame, some of it can be sudden, and so to go through what I went through to hear Marilyn, it's why that conversation with her was so it was just so refreshing to hear. Like I said, I've been waiting years to talk to some somebody, a caregiver. We've had doctors and we've had rabbis and priests, we've had you know politicians on both sides of the aisle. We've had quite a variety, but having Marilyn on and have her talk about her caring for her parents and to not treat them as like not human that well, their life's over because they have dementia or Alzheimer's or cancer or whatever that may be. So cherish the time you have with people. Not everybody's gonna, you know, we're not gonna get along with everybody. There's gonna be tough decisions we have to make. We've made a lot of tough decisions here as of late as an organization. Right, we can't we're not gonna be able to share those right now. They will probably maybe some point find their way out into the public. But when I'm asked about why so many episodes, why the drive. It's because I want to help people. No matter what situation they're in. Everything could be going great, and that's awesome. I hope for everybody that that can be possible. I just want to be a light for everyone that comes in contact with voices for voices and our voices for voices TV show and podcast. And with me, Justin Alan Hayes. And so thank you to Marilyn. Thank you to all of our guests we've had on thus far, our solo episodes. Just thank you for being a part of the Voices for Voices movement of helping people, having that mental health, that trauma recovery, that just helping spirit as part of ourselves. Thank you for tuning in. Thank you for giving us thumbs up, liking, following, subscribing, sharing, reaching out to 25 contacts and your phone. 50, 100, your social media, following our voices for voices, social media, following our profiles. It's for everybody. So thank you for joining us on this episode. Again, we have over 450 episodes in our catalog. And thank you for what thank you for making voices for voices, what it is, what it has been, and what it will be in the future. Let's celebrate the voices of all of us, and let's be a voice for not only ourselves, but those maybe at the end of life that aren't able to be voices for themselves, that we can still treat them no matter what stage of life they're in, treat them with dignity, whether they're a newborn or whether their days are numbered. All of our days are numbered, only God knows that. But from a human perspective, just treat people with the dignity and love and support that we we would we want to be treated with uh when it when it comes our our turn, because we're not gonna get out of this alive, unfortunately. And so we're sending a lot of love and support to you, whether you're a believer or not, we're sending uh good vibes your way. So we'll see on the next episode of the Voices for Voices TV show and podcast. I've been your host, Justin Alan Hayes, and we're signing off on this episode. Bye bye for now.