Fear of Being Forgotten When Nobody Comes | Episode 476

Fear of Being Forgotten When Nobody Comes | Episode 476

A quiet cemetery can say more than you expect. After Easter weekend, I drive to visit my dad’s grave and I find myself sitting in the car, trying to gather my thoughts before stepping out. The grief is real, but what hits me next surprises me even more: I look around and see so many headstones with nothing on them. No flowers. No flags. No small sign that someone stopped by. And my mind goes straight to the mental health questions we don’t always admit we carry, like loneliness, abandonment, and the fear of being forgotten.

I’m not here to judge how anyone grieves, or to claim flowers equal love. Life is complicated. Families live far away. Money is real. Some relatives are gone too. But standing there, I can’t help reflecting on how time keeps moving, how quickly the world changes, and how easily people can fade from view. We talk about what that reality can stir up inside us, especially if you’re already navigating trauma, depression, anxiety, recovery, or complicated grief.

We also end with something simple and doable. If you have someone you’ve lost, and you’re able to stop by someday even for a minute, consider doing it. Say a prayer, offer a thought, play a song, or just remember them on purpose. If this message lands with you, subscribe to Voices for Voices, share the episode, and leave a review so more people who need mental health support can find us.

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Chapter Markers

• 0:00 Welcome And Why We’re Here
• 2:17 The Mission And How To Help
• 3:12 Easter Weekend And Losing Dad
• 9:58 Sitting In The Car With Grief
• 10:54 Headstones Without Flowers And What It Means
• 15:19 Time Moves On And The Fear Of Being Forgotten
• 18:22 A Simple Prayer To Remember People
• 22:52 Closing Thanks And Share The Show

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Transcript

Welcome And Why We’re Here

Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes 0:00

Hey everyone, it's Justin here. Thank you for joining us on another show. TV Show and Podcasts are coming to you live here on Instagram Live. And we have our our buddy, our pal Lucy with us. Uh so you'll see her uh moving around. Yeah, she's the the best watch dog. Uh and uh so cool. Uh so thank you for joining us, whether you watch, whether you listen, uh whether this is your first show or you've been following us from the beginning. We're grateful to have you with us. Uh, if you can give us the big thumbs up, like, follow, subscribe, share. Uh if you can follow us on social media, we're everywhere. Voices for Voices. We're built on uh the uh the the pillars and foundation of mental health, mental challenges, uh trauma, traumatic brain injury, uh recovery. Uh I started this organization, Voices for Voices, after my own uh say kickoff to my mental illnesses, so uh they don't go away. Uh just try to manage them the best we can. Um and and so that's uh why we're here. We're here to help people. Uh we're helping a lot, we've already helped a lot, and uh we uh could uh use a little bit of free help, just like reaching out and uh to maybe 25, 50, 100 of your contacts in your uh in your phone, let them know about the voices, voices for voices TV show and podcast. We'd love to have you, love to have them join us. Uh we're over 470 episodes of the show. So we are making it happen. We are for those who don't know, we're a nonprofit, so we are a 501c3 nonprofit charity organization. Say that real fast a couple times. Uh so any donation at lovevoices.org, lovevoices.org, lovevoices.org, or on Venmo or Cash App is 100% tax deductible here in the United States. We're reaching people all over the world. So tax check with your tax preparer uh and let them know. And uh, I'm not sure uh again, country to country, uh what uh what that looks like, uh, but we are full-blown charity. Uh we operate as a business, and we're grateful to have you with us. So it's the day after uh we're filming this the day after uh Easter, and so there's a lot of you know family time getting together. Uh hopefully you were able to. And if you don't celebrate, hopefully you're able to uh just have some time uh away from potentially work and away from school and and just be able to spend some time with loved ones. Uh and as I was doing that kind of in between uh visits, I guess, you know, to to families for uh celebrating Easter. Uh as you may know, uh if you've been following us, and you may not know if you haven't, uh then my dad passed away on March 1st of 2024, had this turbo cancer. Look up other episodes. There's a lot of episodes that I share and talk about this. So I'm gonna try not to talk about my dad as as specific on this show because I want to talk about what I saw and what I learned uh while being at the cemetery to visit my dad. Uh so while that part is clearly about my my dad, you know, stopping to to visit, pay my respects, uh, say some prayers, uh play his favorite song uh for him, for me. It was a very emotional time, as it always is. Um before I got out of the out of my car to go over to pay my bucks uh where where my dad's at and his head his headstone and uh the just vibrant flowers uh that my mom always has picked out and rotates through and across. And again, you don't have to be a believer uh to be a part of the voices for voices movement. Um I am, we are, so we'll talk about that, you know, from time to time. But you don't have to be a believer to have uh interest in voices for voices, let's put it that way. So yeah, before I was getting before I got out of the car, I you know, you know, put the car and park, I'd be selling music off, windows up, and just start to, you know, gather my try to gather myself with which isn't exactly easy to do. Uh it's not easy to do. Uh it it just isn't. Uh I'm an emotional type of person, and when I focus, which I try to do as much as I can, is to focus on the good times, the the times we spent together, and there's so many great fun learning times from my dad, you know, even even tying into getting this organization started, yeah, he was he was part of getting me an ambulance to take me to the hospital where I ended up there for five days, impatient, and while it was what felt like my worst time, it also was the best time uh because of what has transpired since since then. I've been able to live a lot better quality of life, even though I obviously nobody's perfect. So let's get back to the because I can I can go on the tangent, as you know. And so as I was sitting collecting my thoughts, reflecting on my dad, and you know, it with Easter being a holiday, you know, he would be with us. Uh you know, we would go to my mom and dad's and we would celebrate Easter and you know, time together and all the all the things that go go with it. And so I'm sitting there at the at the cemetery, collecting my thoughts, and it's what we just turned the calendar a few days ago to April. So it's April. We've had here where I live, we've had days in the 70s, I think we even touched 80 uh a day or two ago, and now we're at 49 degrees and getting down into the 30s at at night. So fluctuations, you know, we've talked about the seasonal effective disorder and all that with me. Uh but anyway, so it was a it was a cooler day, uh, and and and so I I I was collecting my thoughts and you know, zip zipping up my coat, and I I was just looking looking around the cemetery. And there were headstones everywhere. There was memorials, uh there were memorials in different fashions. Thurman Munson uh used to play professional baseball, I think, for the New York Yankees. His uh his memorial was huge, and it's it actually faces kind of like right across uh the the driveway from where my dad is is laid to rest. And so, you know, looking around, I said I see that, and then I see all just so many, you know, you just some have flowers, some I would say some have flowers, and a majority of them don't. And that's what I want to talk about a little bit on this show. And I'm not here to talk about if you have loved ones that have passed away, that you have to change flowers and you have to always go to the cemetery on this regimen. That's not what this is about. This is just about like the mental health of those individuals. Yes, they've passed some a long time ago, like a real long time ago, lots of years. And so I was struck more this past visit to the the cemetery than I had been in the past. Maybe I was before I just wasn't ready to kind of talk about it, uh, in a public way. And and so I I I couldn't help but think how alone those those individuals may have been in their final days. Maybe some were some passed suddenly, you know, unexpectedly. And so if if that happens, then I don't know that I I don't I don't know how the process goes, right? If somebody passes unexpectedly, if there's not a headstone, if there's not a cemetery, and there's you know, everything costs money. And so I'm just I'm just taking all this in and I again I'm noticing, you know, very few headstones have flowers or a cross or some type of uh some some type of something that, you know, goes into, you know, kind of the the vase, the the vase, the the flowers or other uh other things could could go into uh I know some that uh you know when it's we talk about veterans, that's where they put the flags in. And that cemetery looks full to me and just shows that that those times when they when they do put the the again, I live in the United States of America, uh, so I'm sure it's the same one in your home country. If if you're joining us, which thank you so much for joining us. We're we have a big goal to reach and help three billion people over the course of my lifetime and beyond, and it's because of you it's helping us, it's got us this far. Thank you so much. And so I kind of contrast those two because time, periods, and and and time, where the one the cemetery looks so barren, so empty. Again, flowers here and there, it's uh catching my eye. Again, this isn't knocking on anybody. It was just I I was just taking in what I was seeing yet yesterday more than what I had before, and I guess I just have this opportunity to to talk about it and and share soon after today, like today, like I'm doing. Uh and and it just made me like extra sad because I know that with my dad I know my mom my mom visits him every day, every single day. Doesn't mess. I mean, if there's a foot of snow, she's trying to get there uh to to visit. Sometimes she'll stay in the car so she doesn't right, 'cause if the weather is icy, we we don't want we don't want her to slip at all, anybody to slip. So I I just think about those and there's so many and and this this really gets me because time doesn't stand still. You know, there's some times where we want time to stand still, right? Like like getting married, we we want time to we want time to stand still. Uh vacation, we want time to stand still. When we're maybe attending a concert or a ball game or a play or a movie uh or other other events, other experiences where we we wanna we want time to stand still. I mean just slowing down. But what we learn at a certain age, I don't know what age that is, but at some point we learn that time doesn't stand still and it keeps moving. And that's what those the majority of those headstones at the cemetery represented to me is Man, time doesn't stand still Like yeah, I I would have loved to have seen just all kinds of flowers, all kinds of uh memorials But again, it it's not about me. This is more just about more what I saw and what I heard. And I look over and I see my dad they had this vase and had just like the most beautiful flowers and so vibrant and then I look you know to the right, to the left, behind, and nothing. And that's just in a very s very small sample area. Again, maybe everybody in the family has passed on to heaven. Maybe maybe they live out of the area. I I don't I don't know. It just made me extra emotional and sad to take that in and to see and just wonder from the mental health standpoint of man. I know though I know those individuals in heaven, they're not taking any of that personal. And if their relatives are alive, I guess. What I'd like to kind of conclude this episode and and the show on is almost kind of like a prayer that some of us, not all of us, but some of us have had family members, loved ones, co-workers pass away. And I guess I would I would pray that it if you're able to, and again, I was there at a a given point in time too. Uh so maybe I I I missed a busy time. I I don't know. I just got extra sad. And not that flowers have to be a symbol of, oh well this person, this family cares more than others. That's not the case at all. It just struck a chord in my with me and my mental health of just f being forgotten, being afraid. You know, that when we leave this earth, we can't take things with us, we can't take possessions, and we've talked about this on other shows. So I'll leave that right there. And so I guess uh, you know, the the the prayer or the thought, if you're able to and you have a loved one and you're near or you're gonna be traveling and you're gonna be near the cemetery, man. Maybe maybe stop by. Maybe stop by, even if it's just for a minute. It just really got me from the mental health side, like, oh my gosh. This is gonna be me someday. I prayed that I'm going to heaven and then I prayed it my loved ones will wanna visit me and say a prayer. Um and so I think that's really where where this kind of kinda wound up for me on that visit to the cemetery is man you know these these people they're we hope they're in heaven and spend a minute, five minutes, ten minutes, what any any time. We're even just even just thinking about them again I'm not I'm not doing this and trying to compare it. I'm I'm just going straight up on a motion of kind of like a three second. 60, like I'm seeing this, and then it's reflecting back onto me. Go on, oh my gosh, Justin. So say a prayer, a thought. Let the people that you're you were close to or in your family. Just let them know that they got they have somebody thinking about them. And if you're able to, sometime, someday, maybe stop by. That's another free thing to do. So thank you for watching this episode of the Voices for Voices TV show and podcasts. This is Justin Allen Hayes, as always. Again, follow us on socials. Obviously here, Instagram. But we're everywhere. And if you can give us those big thumbs up, like follow, subscribe, share, and uh, you know, the word of mouth, we're reaching out to 25 or 50 of the contacts you have in your phone. Let them know about the voices for voices, TV show and podcast. Let them know we're we're trying to help and be there for a whole host of people. We already have, we already are, but with your help, we can we can help and reach more. So thank you very much, and we'll see you on the next episode of the show. Let's celebrate the voices of everybody, and let's be a voice for not only ourselves, but those who aren't able to share their voice, especially those who have gone before us. We'll see you later. Thank you so much.