9 Years Sober and Still Getting Pressure: Here's How I Stay Steady | Episode 491

9 Years Sober and Still Getting Pressure: Here's How I Stay Steady | Episode 491

Friday nights can reveal what we’re really living for. Justin Alan Hayes gets candid about the mindset he carried 20 to 25 years ago, when weekends revolved around alcohol, pre-gaming, and chasing the next high, and how different life feels now with nearly nine years of sobriety on the horizon. With Voices for Voices approaching 500 episodes, we talk about what it takes to build a grassroots 501(c)(3) nonprofit charity that stays focused on mental health, trauma recovery, and lowering stigma, even when the world feels chaotic and time feels short.

We dig into gratitude and presence as real practices, not feel-good lines. When you remember that none of us are promised another hour, your priorities get clearer: family, community, small moments, and choices that protect your future. Justin also shares why he’s “all or nothing,” why “just one drink” isn’t a safe deal for him, and how that self-knowledge becomes a tool for recovery. He connects healthier weekends to sleep hygiene, consistency, and the kind of growth that looks simple on the outside but takes real effort day after day.

We also talk about pressure and persistence: being in a club environment while sober, holding a sparkling water, and proving to yourself that you can stay steady when people push. From there, the conversation opens into purpose and hope, encouraging you to explore outlets like music, dance, or any dream you’ve put on hold, one small step at a time. And when criticism shows up, we remind ourselves that free speech cuts both ways: you can disagree, you can change the channel, but we’re not quitting on the people who need these conversations.

If this helped you feel even a little less alone, subscribe, share the show with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more people can find Voices for Voices.

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Chapter Markers

• 0:00 Welcome And Community Thanks
• 2:10 Why The Charity Exists
• 6:05 Time Urgency And Being Human
• 7:52 From Drinking Plans To Family Time
• 12:15 Gratitude And Staying Present
• 19:00 Trying Again And Talking It Out
• 23:05 Sleep Hygiene And Healthier Choices
• 29:05 Staying Sober Under Social Pressure
• 33:20 Purpose And Helping One More Person
• 37:55 Free Speech And Not Quitting
• 42:05 Support The Mission And Donate

#justiceforjustin #justiceforvoicesforvoicestiktok #VoicesforVoices #Gratitude #SobrietyJourney #MindfulLiving #MentalHealthAwareness #AddictionRecovery #PositiveVibesOnly #TransformYourLife #SoberLife #ThankfulnessPractice #ResilienceBuilding #PersonalGrowth #HealingThroughGratitude #SoberSupportCommunity #EmotionalWellbeing #LifeChanges #JustinAlanHayes #JustinHayes #help3billion #TikTok #Instagram #truth #Jesusaire #VoiceForChange #HealingTogether #Episode491

Transcript

Welcome And Community Thanks

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices 0:01

Hi everyone, it's Justin. Hope everybody's having a great day. Uh, wherever you may be. Thank you for joining us on the Voices for Voices TV Show and podcast. We're over 490 episodes in our portfolio going strong. Thank you. It is because of you that we're even here. We are grateful and humbled by uh the support and love that you have shown us. Whether you watch, whether you listen, whether this is your first episode or whether you've been with us from the beginning. Thank you. If you can give us the big thumbs up, like, follow, subscribe, share, repost, uh, we would greatly appreciate that. Follow us on Instagram, Facebook. Uh, those are our main uh main platforms, but you can find us other uh social media platforms as well. Those are just the the key ones that we we use. Um, and if you can reach out to maybe 25 your contacts in your phone and let them know about the voices for voices TV show and podcast, we are truly a grassroots effort. Uh, we are a charity or a 501c3 nonprofit charity. Uh, so all proceeds, all donations, all purchases of our books, all of that is 100% tax deductible here in the United States. If you uh, as we have a lot of uh viewers and listeners from across the globe, uh, make sure you check with your tax preparer or however taxes are conducted uh in uh in in your your city or town uh where where you live. Uh we just want to thank you uh for for us to be a charity and to be where we're at with as many episodes, is truly uh humbling uh as a leader, as somebody who wants to help at least three billion people over the course of my lifetime and beyond. And uh again, thank you for for tuning in. This is uh really brightened my day, brighten my days. Uh, I look forward uh to uh to life uh a lot more now uh for many reasons. One of which is this show, because I I am able to, whether it's through a guest or through me or both, we're able to just talk about human human topics, experiences, uh, without regard of politics. We bring up politics only when there are uh particular topics and areas where someone is uh in our favor of helping others. And that's that's what I'm here for. I've come to that conclusion. Um because uh a charity uh just in general, if I think before Voices for Voices was founded, if I thought of a charity, one of the things that I probably wouldn't think uh would be true is to have nearly, and we're gonna are gonna hit 500. So uh to have so many episodes with so many people, so much diversity, uh taking a stand on issues, on experiences that nobody should have to go through. Doesn't matter what the income level where you live, we live in a gated community, uh, how many cars you have, it doesn't matter. What matters is we're all human. We put our clothes on, you know, one uh one leg uh at a time. Um, and we know that there are uh individuals who have lost a limb. Um and we just give so much thanks and and and pray for everybody, whether you're a believer or not, because we all are sinners, we all we all have faults, we all do that number one right here. I have a lot of faults. Uh so as we now work our way into uh not only here in the United States, springtime finally looks like it may be holding on, uh it's taking a bit, and then we go back to our episode on the groundhog, and that you can check that out where you know we talk about you know that you see the shadow and did not, and what all that means, and uh so that that was a fun episode when we did that. We we had some fun with that, uh, which we try to do, uh, but we also cover very difficult topics. As I learn, as I've whether somebody thinks I've matured or not uh since I was younger, as I've learned more and more and more and grown, at least in age, there are so many things that make uh make life difficult for us. Just to add, you know, to have another birthday, another day, another hour, another minute, another second. Uh time doesn't stop. And and that's why I feel a sense of urgency when it comes to what we share and what we talk about. Um because there is urgency to talk about these topics, because we want people to feel safe. We want them to be safe. We want people that don't follow the laws um to be you know handed justice. And that is a key key area, a key point. I'll give you I'll give you an example on how uh we talk about growing or at least by age, at least by you know another birthday, is we can so let's let's actually take the clock back twenty years, twenty-five years ago in my life, as I would sit here, stand here, uh, and it would be a Friday, I would be thinking, okay, what alcohol am I gonna drink? What am I gonna pre-game, you know, before going out to the bar or the club or what have you. Uh and so I was just consumed with that uh that mindset, just totally consumed. Now, fast forward, I want to spend with family. I want to uh spend it with my immediate family. Uh if anybody in my immediate family has a ball game, uh a recital, that's what I have to look forward to. And that makes me just as I'll say just as happy than again 25 years ago, when it was like, all right, what am I gonna drink and who's gonna be out and all these things? Um I was on a just a bad path for the most part, and to know that I can be sober going on nine years in in November and still feel joy or something to look forward to. Like I look forward to Dodge recitals, the things that she does, the things that she is is into. I can always be a better person, I can always be a better father. We all can be better people, and so as you know, we're we're here in the United States on Eastern Time Zone, as we're filming this on Friday, that's what I look forward to. And it again it makes me happy, makes me want to look forward in the same thing. Like I get to see my I get to see family members, you know, play ball or have a recital, um and so many other things that uh hang out with our dog that's sitting on my back and my shoulders. Um things like that just never really crossed my mind before. Uh well, number one, I'm dog-wise, we I didn't have a dog, so take that out of the equation. And obviously, there were times where I didn't have nephews because they weren't born yet. Um but in a good good sense, it's almost the tale of two lives. And now I I feel heading into the weekend, I feel a sense of gratitude, number one, that I'm here another day because none of us are promised another day, another minute, another hour, another second. There's a lot of craziness going on in the world. And so, first and foremost, to make it another day is really a really a blessing, whether you're a believer or not, uh to make it another day at any given time, could have a heart attack, could have a stroke, could have an aneurysm, could have so many different health issues that could just in the snap of a second take everything from oh, well, we were just doing this particular thing, and now all of a sudden, maybe we get a diagnosis that we have a disease that's uncurable, life changes, the outlook changes. And so as I sit here, as we have our have our time together, each and every listener, each and every uh viewer, each and every follower, we're so grateful to have this opportunity to talk, to share, to hopefully inspire, to have at least one person stand up for themselves to reach out for help that didn't think life was worth it. Like, all right, well, nobody cares about me. I can't make it. And and and so unfortunately, sometimes those are some of the last thoughts of individuals before they leave this world, this earthly world that we are living in. And so I just want to be a light for anybody, the show mental challenges. We talked about the autism, you know, we're still on the autism awareness month. Uh, people poke fun and at different things. I I know when I was very young, I wasn't the kindest person. And so I I apologize to any anybody who's on the other end of whether it's comments or actions or uh anything because I'm no better than anybody else. I'm I'm a human being. Put our pants on one leg at a time. And so to have the outlook kind of shortened up to. See, I I used to be a look out into the future five, ten, fifteen years. And while I still do that and have goals that are like that, I don't spend a majority of my time on those. I I spend more time and more focus because I've lost focus a lot where I find my mind so far into the future that I overlook, you know, some of the beauty of the world. You know, just having blue skies, and maybe the sun's out. Maybe somebody's walking their dog and never seen a dog that size, that that the hair a certain color, just going, oh, that was neat to see, or to see other animals uh or seeing a ball game of just sitting there and having it be not about me, it's about somebody else, and to be okay with that. I've had a lot of those moments where it's all about me is the only thing I think about. I mean we have to think about ourselves, you know, with the food, clothing, shelter, all those things, you know, that before we can start moving up Maslow's hierarchy of needs, but to stop and just be present in the moment to simplify life as much as possible. There's things that we can't impact that we can't control. And I run into this myself on many occasions. It's always easy, and I get it, it's easier said than done. But I know for me being a person that's at least giving it a shot, giving it a try. That's the best I can do. That's the best anybody can do is try. Try the the next time we're in a situation or an experience, we can maybe learn a little bit from previous experience and previous time. I don't know. I think I think we're all here for a reason. And again, you don't have to be a believer. All you have to be is a human being and say, Well, yeah, I was born and now I'm growing up, and yeah, but think of how many people weren't born and haven't been born, won't be born. You can't help but think, why me? Why am I here? Why am I still here given a series of absolutely awful, bad, not nice decisions that I've made over my lifetime? They've gotten better on the trajectory, they've gotten better. So the trend line is starting or has, I would say, since 2017, exiting the hospital. Gotten better, getting better. Um that's all we can do. And it's so much easier when we talk about it or journaling. I'm an introvert, which means I keep a lot of things myself. I don't I don't talk a whole lot to a whole lot of people. Uh mostly through text, email. And I'm getting better. I don't think anybody Ever reaches a point of perfection, number one, and number two, we can either have a positive outlook, a healthier outlook, which is where going to a ball game looking forward to that, and not to the alcohol portion of well, once the ball game's over, then I'm just gonna drink. So I gotta make sure I have whatever alcohol or what you know at at my disposal so I can do that. I've repried or reprietor. I'm sure that may be a word somewhere. I apologize. I I so I've repried or attized sleep, so I don't stay up as late as I I used to. And some of it was to film some shows, film you know, some episodes. But then I started thinking about my sleep hygiene. It was all over the place because some nights I'd be up till 11, some nights I'd be up till 2 a.m. or 3 a.m. And a great majority of those times there wasn't well, I don't want to say all, but a great majority of those times there wasn't anything life-altering that was changing. However, I will say some of the episodes in our portfolio were filmed late, late at night, early the next morning. And so, yeah, those times brought episodes, and then we went up a number, and then up another number. But on the cusp of reaching five hundred, five hundred anything is it's incredible, it's remarkable. I don't know how else to to talk about it. But like I said, looking forward to a weekend of you know healthy, healthier choices. I know is gonna resonate with at least one person watching, listening. That doesn't mean that again, I I I have to harp on this because there's some people out there who think they're sinless. Nobody is in this world, this earthly world. No, and so all I know is if I'm making a healthier decision, like well, I don't need to be out till 3 a.m. getting drunk for so many reasons that that would be taking me back to zero of where I started from. You know, and then some people will say, well, no, you can just have one or two. That's not how my mind operates. I'm one of these you know, like all or nothing type of people, and I've recognized that. I am unfortunately, and people say, Oh, let's go have a drink. Not not now, but back in the days when I was doing that, and again, it this is not to say that you have to be like me. You don't have to. I'm just giving you my experience. I'm not against people, they want to drink alcohol, they want to do do things that that that that's okay. That I'm not condoning it, uh, but I'm not gonna you know tell somebody how to live their life. I'm just gonna share my experiences and maybe they resonate with maybe one person. But just to make a healthier decision of okay, maybe that maybe that's help me live another day. Maybe it's something else completely that I don't even know. But if you asked me in my twenties if I would make it to age 44, I probably would have said no. Because I was in that, I was just in that constant loop of just making not great decisions. And even in my teens, so now that I'm here, I I mean, I think we all have kind of two decisions. Do we want to live or uh or do we not? And voices for voices has given me on top of being married and seeing my daughter born and spending time with family that I've neglected so much, so much. It's just terrible that those things are what what's important now. I remember the first time since I went sober years ago being in a club atmosphere with an org organization. We're on a we're at a conference, and so we had the day, and then they wanted to go to club, and I'm like, okay, Justin, this is kind of a it wasn't a do or die decision, but it was like, all right, how strong, how how mentally strong in this particular instance am I, or am I not? And after getting asked question after question by member and another member and another member of the organization saying, just have one, just have one. I I I would just get sparkling water or club soda by itself. So I was holding something, but it wasn't. It wasn't alcohol, and it would have been very easy to I'm at the same bar that people are getting served shots and drinks and mixed drinks and all that, and so that proves something to me internally, that I could put put myself or be in a position in a situation where again I could have just been like, yeah, like what's one what's one night of you know drinking or what's one drink? But again, like I said, I can't do that. I couldn't do that. I mean, I the binge drinking probably at some point, if you would have looked it up in the dictionary, would probably would have had a picture of me on it. If you'd look up binge drinking, you would see Justin and Alnace. Cause I couldn't stop once I started until I was just in a not a great great place. And so those are some of the the times where I think, how did I make it? How did I make it past those times? How how did I? How did I get through them? And all I can think of is there's somebody at a higher power than me that is thinking and saying, Well, I have more work for Justin to do on earth. It's gotta be the only reason, like the otherwise, again, people and people pass away every single minute of every single day across the world. So, why am I still here? And so I'll say this. I think I'm still here because of voices for voices. I think I'm still here because there's still another one person that can be helped, that can feel not alone, where the stigma is decreased, where an individual can be an upstander, not a bystander, can dream again, believe that you can do something you've always wanted to do. If music is one of your things, go to a local music shop and play. Practice on the drums, practice on a guitar, practice on their bass, whatever instrument. Right? You wanna you wanna before you buy it, if music is that that outlet for you. And I know for myself music is a place I turn to, whether it's the lyrics of the song, or more important, for me, for younger people, it would be the lyrics as well, because there would be certain you know, lyrics we would not want like a four-year-old, five-year-old to be learning and then start reciting. But for me, I prefer not to have lyrics that are you know talking about things or places where I've been and where I've been thought-wise. Maybe it's something else, maybe it's dance, maybe it's ballet, maybe it's tap, maybe it's drama club, um, maybe it's being a veterinarian. I've always wanted to be a vet. Maybe I can be that inspiration. Says, well just do start doing some research. Just do a little bit of research and then see how you feel. If you do that and you still have that interest, then do a little bit more. If it comes time that you want to apply, apply. Apply to go to school to get get your diploma, get your degree. Where there's a will, there's a way. And I'm living proof. I've had the studio taken away from me. I've had people badmouth or organization and myself uh on top of uh a whole other heap of insults and and those types of things. Does it bother me? Yeah, it kind of does, right? I mean, um I have emotions. You have emotions. So it it it does. But the key is do you stop? When there's laws in place like the First Amendment protects free speech for United States citizens. And other countries, uh if you're watching and listening, there's probably similar laws in place. I don't know what they are, I don't know which way they uh which way they go. But I just know as a US citizen, I have the threat of free speech. First amendment, right off the bat. Our forefathers that wrote the Constitution. So when people say, Oh no, you gotta take your videos down because we don't like them, and okay, I say turn to channel, put something else on. That's what I do. If I'm listening to music and the song's not on that I like or that I want to listen to at that very moment, guess what? I put a different song on. Same thing if I'm watching a concert on TV, and I don't like a song, I don't like an artist, I change it. So nobody's gonna take that that right away from us. And I hope I'm an inspiration of continuing on. Doesn't like I said, it doesn't mean I'm perfect. It means that I'm protected by the First Amendment as free speech. You don't like what I have to say? That's okay. Turn to channel. You don't like what we stand for? Turn to channel. That that that's what you do. That's what I do. That's what any person would do. Except if there's a reason why why somebody or somebody's don't don't want you to have a platform, don't want you to have a show. That must mean that they might be doing something that might not be in line with the law here in the United States. Or maybe another country. That doesn't fall on me. There's plenty of other shows out there. They get way more in depth, way more charged up. They're still going. Some have 2,000 episodes. We're coming up on 500, so that's only twenty five percent thereabouts. But as long as I I don't know, I'll say it again, I'm a believer, so as long as God wants me on this earth, wants me to continue Voices for Voices, that's what we're gonna do. We're a charity. I don't get paid to do this. People that get upset, they get paid to do what they do. So I've gone almost five hundred episodes without earning a real paycheck. That's called dedication, that's called purpose, persistence. That's what it's called. So thank you for joining us on this episode of the Voices for Voices TV show and podcast. Again, if you can give us a big thumbs up, like, follow, subscribe, share, repost, be greatly appreciated. Follow us on social media. Uh, we're era, we're everywhere. Uh, if you're able to reach out to 25, 50, 100 year contacts in your phone, let them know about the voices for voices uh organization, uh, which is founded on, which I founded. So um that's also the case that we don't have leadership coming and going every year. Um, I founded it on my mental health, my mental challenges, uh, trauma recovery. And so that that's what voices for voices stands for and was built on. So if you know somebody or somebody's 25, 50, 100 contacts on your phone, just let them know about the Voices for Voices TV show and podcast. And we are a charity. All donations, all purchases of our books are 100% tax deductible here in the United States. So if you're able to uh donate any amount, you can reach out to us at lovavoices.org. Lovevoices.org. Lovoices.org. Or you could head on over to Venmo and or the Cash App. Voices for Voices. Thank you for tuning in. We're sending love and support your way. And thank you for sending love and support our way. We hope you have a great day. And we hope to see you again on another episode of the Voices for Voices TV show and podcast brought to you by Voices for Voices Audio. We'll talk to you and see you soon. Bye bye for now.