Timothy (DM)

Welcome to Shadows of Prophecy, a D&D real play podcast, where we will find out what it takes to become a hero, face our darkest fears, and pull ourselves out of a pit of despair. Shadows of Prophecy is a Dungeons and Dragons podcast with violent themes and adult language. Listener discretion is advised.

Timothy (DM)

With us today to traverse through adventures of loss and tragedy, we have myself, Timothy, as our ambivalent DM; Helen as "No, not that bush" druid, Panret; Russell as "I'll try anything" Wild Surge Berzerker, Uprielyn Upri; and Kendrick as our designated driver, Monk Yonce Bey. Join us as we enter the Shadows of Prophecy. Prologue, A World Unravels. Chapter Six - Sweet Meats.

Timothy (DM)

[in an unplaceable foreign accent] Oh, how interesting. Did I miss you before? Well, nevertheless, every good story needs their fool, and our third hero is no shortage of such an archetype. And so, with new eyes, we return to the land of Everfear to watch their story unfold.

Timothy (DM)

The sound of birds punctuates the rhythmic rustling of leaves, the cry of a loon, the piping of a chickadee. The morning light filters through the leaves and flowers the trees like stained glass, casting hues of green and purple across the leisure hut, illuminating the instruments and bottles laid to rest from last night's festivities. A chipmunk scurries in through the window to nibble a bit of cheese left out. Upri and Yonce, you sit in the leisure hut of Nims' treehouse, home of the Strays. Upri, would you introduce your character?

Russell (Upri)

Upri is a half-orc berzerker lady, pronouns she/her. She's about six foot five; very muscular, very thick, very built. She has a wide strong jaw, but otherwise very angular sharp features like her nose and her cheekbones. She has dark brown eyes, I think, and she has this, like, wild mane of long hair that goes halfway down her back that is beautiful, like raven-black with, like, blue iridescence to it. Like, it looks like she kind of puts a lot of work into it and dyesit but it just grows that way naturally. [Kendrick wishpers "flawless"] Yeah, she just wakes up flawless, yeah. And she's wearing no armor. So, just basically animal leathers, which is a midriff because she wants to show off her, like, 12-pack. [Tim and Kendrick laugh] She also kinda has, like, a bunch of tattoos and stuff. She also always carries around her weapon with her, which is a tree sapling that has grown around a boulder that she uses a hammer.

Timothy (DM)

All right! Yonce, would you please introduce your character?

Kendrick (Yonce)

So, Yonce Bey is a half elf monk of the Open Palm Society. [as an aside] Just gonna do that. [Tim and Russell laugh] So, he is short. I don't know the exact height. Let's just say four five because that seems cool--

Timothy (DM)

Okay.

Kendrick (Yonce)

He is bald, pronouns he/him with hazel eyes, no tattoos... yet! He's a very quiet person, but when you disrupt him or make them annoyed, he does go off. So... yes.

Timothy (DM)

All right. So, what are you two doing in the treehouse? The early morning... you did have a bit of a party last night.

Russell (Upri)

So, we're a bit hungover?

Timothy (DM)

Potentially.

Russell (Upri)

How old are we? [existentially] How old am I?

Timothy (DM)

[laughing] That's a good question.

Russell (Upri)

I think late, late 20s at this point, right?

Timothy (DM)

Yeah, probably about.

Russell (Upri)

I think it was like 23. We'll say I'm 25 now.

Kendrick (Yonce)

And I'll just say I'm 21 just so I can be legally allowed to drink in this world if that's a part of it.

Russell (Upri)

Have you seen this world? They probably just give alcohol to children. [Russell and Tim laugh]

Kendrick (Yonce)

That is true. That is true. So, I'll just say 21 just because... I've-- yes, work.

Russell (Upri)

Hooo-whee! Yeah, we went a little too hard last night.

Kendrick (Yonce)

I can see. You just look hungover.

Russell (Upri)

[so hungover] I know. I know. [groan] It's that mead. It's just so sweet. It sneaks up on you.

Kendrick (Yonce)

I know; it is so good, but I knew how to cut back, so I feel kind of good this morning.

Russell (Upri)

Do you really think they put real blood in it?

Kendrick (Yonce)

I hope not because that would just be weird, right?

Russell (Upri)

It's got to be like food coloring or something right?

Kendrick (Yonce)

Maybe some... um, like, that thing that use, like, to grind bugs and make that red food coloring?

Russell (Upri)

Yeah, I know what you mean. The beetle. Yup, mmhmm.

Kendrick (Yonce)

But yeah... hopefully, it's not real blood, but either way, it still tastes good.

Russell (Upri)

Yeh, yeh. Do we have to do chores today? What...what day of the week is it? What month is it?

Kendrick (Yonce)

What year is it?

Timothy (Nim Nim)

So, as you mentioned [laughs], the word "chores", you hear Nim Nim, or Nim, as Yonce would refer to them as, call from outside the leisure hut. [in a Midwestern accent] "Well, yes, I changed the chorewheel this morning. Make sure you check it!" and they creak open the door and stumble in. They are covered in moss from their shawl. They have a striking blue amulet laid atop a plain green-gray roughhewn tunics and a simple wooden staff with a leather satchel tied to their waist. This is Nim, mentor of the Strays.

Russell (Upri)

Wow, Nim Nim. You are just glowing this morning. How are you not hungover? I saw you take back an entire pitcher by yourself.

Timothy (Nim Nim)

Well, I've definitely had my days. You learn after a couple hundred years how to hold your liquor.

Kendrick (Yonce)

So, we were trying to figure out do they actually put real blood in this mead? 'Cuz I hope not.

Timothy (Nim Nim)

Unsure... where'd you get that? [laughs] That's not like any mead I've ever seen.

Russell (Upri)

[disconcerted] Oh, yeah-yeah. Me neither?

Timothy (Nim Nim)

Well, don't forget to do your chores. Changed the chore wheel this morning!

Kendrick (Yonce)

Are you sure we need to do chores today? It's... it feels like a Saturday to me.

Timothy (Nim Nim)

Well, it is a Saturday! That's the day.

Kendrick (Yonce)

Oh, maybe I am a little hungover. Whoops.

Timothy (Nim Nim)

[chipperly] It's chore day. [Russell laughs] Well, I'll be out. Just gonna go collect some things. Probably won't be back for the rest of the day, but glad to see you're up and about and not too hurt from last night.

Russell (Upri)

Hurt? What do you mean?

Timothy (Nim Nim)

Well, y'all aren't like me.

Russell (Upri)

Ah, I thought y' meant like I fell down the stairs again or summ'n.

Kendrick (Yonce)

Well, you did fall down the stairs. I did see that last night, but that's okay.

Russell (Upri)

Aw shit. Is that's why my ass hurt so much?

Timothy (Nim Nim)

[shaking their head] Aw, Upri...

Kendrick (Yonce)

I HOPE that's the only reason why ya ass hurts so much.

Russell (Upri)

[muttering their own name desperately] Upri! Upri!

Timothy (Nim Nim)

Well, do take care of yourselves today!

Russell (Upri)

You too, Nim Nim!

Kendrick (Yonce)

Bye, Nim.

Russell (Upri)

Don't get mistaken for a bush again.

Timothy (Nim Nim)

Well, ain't the worst thing that happened to me.

Kendrick (Yonce)

I kind of want to know what IS the worst thing that happened to you now

Russell (Upri)

You really don't, Yon. Y'don't.

Kendrick (Yonce)

Okay, okay, fine. [whispers to himself] I'll ask later, Nim.

Timothy (Nim Nim)

All right--

Russell (Upri)

Wait to the next mead festival.

Timothy (DM)

"--Have a good day." And he is going to walk out and close the door behind him. Which takes us to Panret. Panret, as you push back the person-sized leaf of the philodendron, you realize that you've reached your destination: the giant blue dracaena towers above you into the canopy. You see a long rope hanging from the largest of the three structures above you, connected to a rusted bell. Panret, would you introduce your character?

Helen (Panret)

Panret is a squat fair-skinned middle-aged human. They have substandard hygiene, I would say, um [Russell and Tim laugh, Kendrick says "ew"] Mostly... mostly to the extent that their hair is typically full of leaves and twigs. Often, their clothes are covered in kind of, like, various forest debris. A little dirt is not unusual. Panret is known in their home village as being a bit solitary and a bit of a weirdo, but very kind and helpful even if sometimes a little confused. And typically, their place in the village is as a birth and death doula, so really focused on the transitions of life. And otherwise, spending time alone thinking about nature, stuff like that.

Timothy (DM)

Lovely. Alright, Panret. So, as you approach the treehouse, you see the rope with the bell.

Helen (Panret)

[to themself] "Look, there's a rope with a bell on it." they say to themselves.

Timothy (DM)

Yesss. [laughs]

Helen (Panret)

Do I have to ring it for anything to happen? [Russell and Tim laugh]

Timothy (DM)

You don't HAVE to ring it.

Helen (Panret)

Panret stands at the base of the rope and seems to have a long internal conversation with themselves, while looking at the bell and finally rings it.

Timothy (DM)

All right, the bell begins to ring, which is heard by Upri and Yonce.

Russell (Upri)

What's the purpose of the bell? Normally? [Kendrick agrees "Yeah"]. Is it like a doorbell or is it like "Hey, we're under attack"?

Timothy (DM)

Yeah, it's a doorbell. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. [laughter]

Russell (Upri)

[laughing] Not clear.

Helen (Panret)

Yeah, he's either gonna be like "You summon your friends" or "Roll initiative." [Tim laughs]

Russell (Upri)

Oh, sounds like company: chores can wait, come on, Yon!

Kendrick (Yonce)

[resolute] Exactly. Let's go.

Russell (Upri)

Is there a staircase to go down? Can Upri, like, slide down... [laughing] ohmygod, she's gonna fall down again...

Timothy (DM)

Yeah, there is a spiral stair off the edge of the leisure hut. There's also a ladder.

Russell (Upri)

[laughing] I want to slide down the banister.

Timothy (DM)

All right,

Russell (Upri)

Is it smooth wood?

Timothy (DM)

It's probably pretty roughly hewn.

Russell (Upri)

Let's go for it--

Helen (Panret)

Well, it used to be rough until you started sliding down at three times a day.

Timothy (DM)

There you go, yeah. [laughs]

Russell (Upri)

Polished it with my ass...

Kendrick (Yonce)

Another reason why your ass hurts so much.

Timothy (DM)

Well-polished and greased from all of the sliding that you are inclined to do.

Russell (Upri)

[incredulous to Tim] Greased?!? How dare you. [Helen laughs]

Kendrick (Yonce)

I'm gonna just go down the ladder because I want to see them fall down the stairs eventually. [Helen laughs] It's... I think Yonce, though sweet, loves seeing other people fall or in pain, but not in, like, pain that would, like, kill them, like, a minor headache, or something like that.

Timothy (DM)

Okay... [laughs]

Kendrick (Yonce)

I don't know. We're gonna just take this as we go, viewers.

Helen (Panret)

Mild schadenfreude.

Kendrick (Yonce)

Exactly. Mild inconveniences I enjoy.

Timothy (DM)

All right, so, Panret, you see Upri, who you remember from years ago in your adventures to Freya's temple and a new person. Coming down the banister, sliding: Upri. And climbing down the ladder: this other person

Helen (Panret)

[like a racecar driver] Goooooooooooooooooooooooooood morning!

Russell (Upri)

"Pan Pan!" [Tim and Helen laugh] I run over, and I scoop Pan Pan. [Tim and Helen laugh]

Kendrick (Yonce)

Yonce's looking at both of them, very confused.

Helen (Panret)

Hello, Oop-ree. It's so nice to see you again.

Russell (Upri)

You too, Pan Pan! How've you been?

Helen (Panret)

Oh, you know...

Russell (Upri)

Oh, I see you got some new leaves on y'head. They look great!

Helen (Panret)

Oh, thank you. I found a fresh alder tree that I've been exploring a bit, so you know...

Russell (Upri)

That sounds like a good time. I'd love to see it someday.

Helen (Panret)

[nodding their head] Yeah, it's great. It's a great tree.

Kendrick (Yonce)

Yonce is doing the "head-back-and-forth" 'cause they are just very confused on what's happening... [Tim laughs]

Helen (Panret)

Hello, New Friend, wha--

Russell (Upri)

Yon, this is Pan Pan.

Helen (Panret)

Hi, I'm Pan...ret. [staring at Upri] Panret.

Russell (Upri)

Yeah, sorry. [Russell and Tim laugh]

Kendrick (Yonce)

Can I call your Pan?

Helen (Panret)

You can call me Pan. That's fine.

Kendrick (Yonce)

Hi, I'm Yonce; some people call me Yonz... it's whatever. As long as you say it with respect... [as an aside to Russell] I feel like I'm getting the Southern drawl-- the Southern drawl that you're doing [Russell and Helen laugh]

Helen (Panret)

Y'know, it's hard not to mimic [Kendrick: "Exactly"] other people all around the table.

Kendrick (Yonce)

[to Russell] No, continue doing. It's just, I'm... I hear myself doing it, going into it...

Timothy (DM)

[in a Southern accent] We'll all be Southern at the end of the-yiss. [all laugh]

Kendrick (Yonce)

Tune in next time. But, yeah, "Nice to meet you."

Helen (Panret)

It's nice to meet you too.

Kendrick (Yonce)

How do you in my older sister know each other?

Helen (Panret)

Well, there was this FANTASTIC... shrubbery. [Russell and Tim laugh] And next to this shrubbery was this, like, really big temple to the Goddess, Freya, and there were these two little fellas who had lost a statue, and Upri and I happened to be nearby with another friend, and we helped them get the statue back, and boy, those little mushroom fellows? They were adorable.

Russell (Upri)

Oh, yeah, the cannibalistic ones?

Helen (Panret)

They were the cutest. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I'd say bloodthirsty, but I guess they don't have blood... [rubs chin]

Kendrick (Yonce)

Yonce continues to look back and forth at their conversation. Just very confused.

Helen (Panret)

Anyway, that's the long and short of it. How do you know each other? Bein' siblings? Or...?

Russell (Upri)

Yeah--

Kendrick (Yonce)

But not by blood?

Russell (Upri)

Adoptive.

Helen (Panret)

[matter-of-factly] Oh, well, blood is overrated; mushrooms don't have it. [Tim laughs]

Russell (Upri)

Fair point.

Kendrick (Yonce)

I guess THAT is also true. That is a fair assess-- yes.

Helen (Panret)

Yeah. Okay!

Russell (Upri)

So, what brings you here, Pan Pan?

Helen (Panret)

Well, I came to extend an invitation. You see, there's the new alder tree. Okay? And next to the tree, we are going to be having a festival, and I was just thinking that of all the people who might appreciate a festival, that my old friend Upri, and of course, any beloved plus ones, or fives or twelves.... (it's outside, so we have a lot of room) you know, who might want to join us for this festival. So, you know, it's summer; the solstice just past; days are gonna start getting shorter again. We're gonna have a little bit of enjoyment of these midsummer days and evenings and trees, and the shrubberies are so green right now, it's just really something you got see it [Upri: "They really are"]. Yeah, you got, I mean, yeah. Soooo, we would love to have you are trying to get some nearby... So, yeah.

Kendrick (Yonce)

Does this mean that we can avoid doing chores if we go to this festival?

Russell (Upri)

Yeah. Wait, when's the festival, Pan Pan?

Helen (Panret)

There will be no chores involved at the festival. Let me make that clear first. Okay, so think about that. Otherwise, the festival is going to involve lots of picking flowers, maybe making, like, little flower crowns. Maybe making, like, little flower, like, capes? Maybe making, like, little flower, like, lingerie or like, you know somethin', that's maybe, like the evening--

Kendrick (Yonce)

You had me at lingerie. I'm in.

Helen (Panret)

--Yeah. Maybe like the evening activities. My village: we're well known for our beekeeping. If you've seen those carriage bumper stickers that say "Save the bees!" Yeah, we make those. [conspiratorily] There will be mead involved.

Russell (Upri)

Ohhhh, I wonder if that's where Aldi got that made for last night?

Helen (Panret)

We are a local supplier...

Russell (Upri)

Are we leaving right now is what you're saying?

Helen (Panret)

Well, you're welcome to come to village whenver--

Russell (Upri)

"Cool, I'll be right back." [Helen and Tim laugh] Upri...you see Urpi run up, back up the stairs, and you just hear her grunts and hear [heyr! hyahh!] . And then you hear the sound of wood snapping, and then you just see the chore wheel [boomerang noise] into the treeline. [Kendrick laughs] She comes back out, hands on her hips, proud of herself. "All right, I'm ready."

Helen (Panret)

By the way: don't bring any snacks because there will be a feast.

Russell (Upri)

How cool.

Kendrick (Yonce)

All right,

Russell (Upri)

Where are the other kids at? Senn? Aldi? Mare? Varn? You here?

Timothy (DM)

Either they are still asleep, or they are out doing the chores.

Kendrick (Yonce)

I feel as though we should be also doing chores, but I don't want to do them. So...

Russell (Upri)

I mean, what chores? [smiling] Ready! [Tim laughs]

Kendrick (Yonce)

Yonce is going to quickly go upstairs, grab their things just in case any fighting happens to happen. I don't know... and come downstairs being like "Alright, I'm ready."

Timothy (DM)

And Upri, as you were tearing the chore wheel off the wall and throwing it into the forest, you did notice that you had been assigned "Harvesting from the garden" and "Foraging for mushrooms and berries". Yonce was assigned "Cleaning".

Kendrick (Yonce)

Oh, we are DEFINITELY leaving. [Helen laughs] Yonce don't do no clean-- I'm kidding. Yonce likes to clean. [Helen laughs]

Russell (Upri)

We'll bring back some mead, and Nim Nim will forget all about it.

Kendrick (Yonce)

I'll sweep the floor... eventually.

Helen (Panret)

By the way, um, are either of you vegan?

Russell (Upri)

No. [Yonce in unison]

Helen (Panret)

Okay, good. Don't worry about it. Just... you know, thinking out loud. [Tim laughs]

Russell (Upri)

[disconcertedly] Okay...

Helen (Panret)

Let's go!

Russell (Upri)

Yeee!

Timothy (DM)

All right--

Russell (Upri)

[sing-songy]We're off to see the wizzer...? [mumbles "the Wonderful Festival of Mead"]

Timothy (DM)

[liltingly] The festivalllll... the wonderful festival... [Russell laughs]

Kendrick (Yonce)

Upri, I didn't know you were such a bard! [Tim laughs] Bard's got bars.

Timothy (DM)

So, Panret guides you through the twists and turns of the forest through the brush, over hill, and over creek, welcomed into their neck of the woods by the totems of the Goddess sporadically cropping up, watching over the woods, each laid with offerings of fermented berries and dried flowers.

Helen (Panret)

The journey isn't that long, but it takes forever 'cause Panret keeps stopping and saying "Look at that tree."

Russell (Upri)

Oh, wow. That's a nice tree. Pan Pan. What kind of tree is that again? [Tim laughs]

Helen (Panret)

Oh, that is a spruce. A noble, noble spruce.

Russell (Upri)

Ohhhh, I love a spruce. Look at that bark; it's so... sprucey.

Helen (Panret)

[enthusiastically/earnestly] I agree!

Kendrick (Yonce)

I tripped over a spruce one time.

Helen (Panret)

Oh, I'm so sorry. Did you apologize to it? [Russell laughs]

Kendrick (Yonce)

[firmly] No?

Helen (Panret)

[out of the corner of their mouth] Well, that explains a lot.

Russell (Upri)

[whispers] Pan Pan, not now. Yon's got a temper.

Timothy (DM)

As you arrive in Ilrune, the first things you notice are all the small wooden structures that are built into the side of a hill, peeking through the trees, and four simple towers surrounding a colourfully decorated pagoda in the center of the village. The flora of the village is especially vibrant, even for standards in the Enchanted Forest, and many of the plants are new to you. Well, not Panret, but new to Upri and Yonce, seemingly expertly cultivated, yet growing like weeds all over the place. Based on Panret's little side excursions [laughs] um, and side conversations, you arrive in the late afternoon. You are given a kind reception, dinner, and a casual evening, where they cater to you with teas and little cakes and sandwiches, and they set you up in the cottages, which are a small subset of the residences that are specifically designated for visitors.

Russell (Upri)

What do the other villagers look like compared to Panret?

Timothy (DM)

It is a village of humans. None of them are quite so...

Helen (Panret)

Chaotic? [Kendrick and Tim laugh]

Timothy (DM)

Leaf... uh...

Helen (Panret)

Leafy!?! Leafy?!?

Russell (Upri)

Alright, so Panret's the only one that looks like a bush, ok. [Helen and Tim laugh] Perfect.

Timothy (DM)

Leafy--

Timothy (DM)

Panret is the only one that looks like a bush. There's definitely a lot of druidic influence here. So... people do have, like, a lot of reverence for nature and have incorporated that into their aesthetic, but in a little bit more "thoughtful" way. [laughs] but they all seem to get along with Panret. They all seem to love Panret. Panret seems to enjoy them, and they just have different ways of expressing their love of nature.

Helen (Panret)

I like that. "Expression"

Timothy (DM)

"Expression." [Tim and Helen laugh] So, anything that you would like to do in the evening before settling in for the night?

Russell (Upri)

Are we all in our own cottage or...?

Timothy (DM)

You're given one cottage that is a bunk situation. So, several beds about a main area. A lot similar to the living quarters of your treehouse.

Russell (Upri)

Alright,.

Kendrick (Yonce)

Dibs on top bunk.

Russell (Upri)

Yeh. [abashed] Sorry about that one time it broke and I fell on you...

Kendrick (Yonce)

Yeah, I still have the scars.

Helen (Panret)

Mental and physical.

Kendrick (Yonce)

Yes.

Russell (Upri)

I said I was sorry.

Helen (Panret)

Make yourselves at home here. If you need anything, give a holler. I'm going to be sleeping in the hedge right outside the window.

Russell (Upri)

Oh, okay. All right.

Kendrick (Yonce)

That's "nice"

Russell (Upri)

"What kind of hedge is it?" [Helen's mind short circuits] Oh shit, I'm sorry.

Kendrick (Yonce)

You broke... you broke Pan. [Russell and Kendrick laugh]

Timothy (DM)

Recalling names of trees is okay. Bushes? A little bit more tricky. [Helen and Russell laugh]

Helen (Panret)

It's the green one. You can't miss it.

Russell (Upri)

Ohhh, yeah, yeah.

Kendrick (Yonce)

I will assume that you will be the only person sleeping in a bush?

Timothy (DM)

Oh, yeah, Panret does have a residence here. It's just quite empty. [Helen and Tim laugh] It's really more of a storehouse than anything.

Helen (Panret)

Yeah, I keep some books there, and, like, neat little shiny things and stuff that I find.

Kendrick (Yonce)

You're a very interesting person, Pan.

Helen (Panret)

Thank you! You know, I just think shrubberies are great.

Kendrick (Yonce)

I'm glad someone does. [Tim and Helen laugh]

Helen (Panret)

[momly] That's nice.

Kendrick (Yonce)

And even though it sounds sarcastic, I'm truly being sincere. [Helen and Tim laugh]

Russell (Upri)

Oh, you just have a deadpan voice.

Kendrick (Yonce)

I just have a deadpan voice. My excitement voice... it takes a while for people to understand Yonce; he only knows calm and violence.

Timothy (DM)

All right. All right. And with that, night sets on Ilrune. You hear the chorus of crickets lull you off to sleep, and you're woken by the rays of sun.

Russell (Upri)

Stretch! [all laugh] [stretching noises] How'd you sleep, Yon?

Kendrick (Yonce)

Fine. Do you think Nim is gonna be mad that we kind of broke the chore wheel and left without doing any of our chores?

Russell (Upri)

[dismissively] Oh, please. That chore wheel's gonna be so hard for Nim to find.

Kendrick (Yonce)

You did throw kind of far.

Russell (Upri)

Yeah, high up too! Don't forget about that.

Kendrick (Yonce)

Well, I can't reach it I'm kind of short.

Russell (Upri)

Not a short as Nim Nim.

Helen (Panret)

[sing-songy] Good morningggggg!

Russell (Upri)

Good morning, Pan Pan! How'd ya sleep?

Helen (Panret)

You hear, like, a rustling outside the window [Helen and Tim laugh]

Kendrick (Yonce)

I can see found a new leaf...

Helen (Panret)

"Oh!" Panret touches their hair, feeling for the new... "Oh, and there's... feels like uh... let me get this lil' ladybug. [whispers to theirself] Just give me one second, there we go." And they have a pull a ladybug out of their hair and gingerly set it on the ground. "There you go, little fella. Well, how 'bout some breakfast?"

Russell (Upri)

Sounds great.

Kendrick (Yonce)

I could eat. Let's go.

Russell (Upri)

Is the festival today or...?

Timothy (DM)

Yes. So, the festival is today, and they are going to have a breakfast in the communal congregation area in the middle of the village, where everybody would probably smell the food being cooked already and be wafting to the air, and you would hear the clatter of utensils and cookware, people talking and chattering. It's a very lively morning already.

Kendrick (Yonce)

So, is there meat that we can eat?

Helen (Panret)

Yeah, there's meat. We make all of our biscuits out of cricket flour.

Russell (Upri)

Oh. Ain't that fascinatin'?

Kendrick (Yonce)

Oh, that's...unconventional...

Helen (Panret)

You can't even tell after you put like... takes about a quarter cup of honey.

Russell (Upri)

Yeah, thank you so much for telling us after we had several last night... [Tim and Helen laugh]. Could-could not tell.

Helen (Panret)

Also, they're bacon! Also, there's bacon.

Kendrick (Yonce)

"You had me at bacon." And Yonce just walks out the door. [Helen and Tim laugh]

Timothy (DM)

As you are exiting your little hut that they've assigned you, you see a woman standing. Panret, you would know this person to be the Steward.

Helen (Panret)

Good morning, Steward. How are you?

Timothy (The Steward)

[in an old English madam voice] Oh, good morning, Panret. Are these are visitors?

Helen (Panret)

Yes, they've come from the nearby treehouse. You remember Nim? I think they've passed through a few times.

Timothy (The Steward)

[thinking] Nim... Nim. Ah, yes. Little gnome man?

Helen (Panret)

Yeah, that's right. That's right.

Timothy (The Steward)

Yes. covered in moss. Very similar to you, Panret.

Helen (Panret)

Yeah, yeah, we're uh...

Timothy (The Steward)

You must get along.

Helen (Panret)

Yeah, we... I gotta, I gotta say he's really a "great guy".

Timothy (The Steward)

Very lovely. [to Upri and Yonce] Well, very nice to meet you two.

Russell (Upri)

You too, Stew!

Timothy (The Steward)

[hesitantly] Yesss... Is that a phrase from where your from?

Russell (Upri)

That's your name right? Stew?

Timothy (The Steward)

Stew, ohhh, ohhh... got it. Yes. My name is the Steward--

Russell (Upri)

[nodding] Right. Stew.

Timothy (The Steward)

I am the Steward of the Goddess. It is my job to oversee this village and ensure that, well, everything is splendid. So, are you going to be joining us for breakfast?

Kendrick (Yonce)

I smell bacon, so yes.

Timothy (The Steward)

Oh, wonderful, wonderful. And then after breakfast, maybe you want to participate in the hunt? That's why I'm here. I came to specifically invite you in this annual activity.

Kendrick (Yonce)

What is the hunt--

Timothy (The Steward)

It's quite fun!

Russell (Upri)

Yeah, what-what we huntin', Stew?

Timothy (The Steward)

Okay, so it is, uhhh, customary that we are efficient with the way we utilize our resources in Ilrune, and so the hunt is an activity that we partake in once a year. It's like a little competition. So, the group that is able to find and hunt the largest game wins this competition. It's all friendly, not really that competitive, but just kind of embraces this idea that we only kill what we need to survive. So, by being efficient in finding the biggest beast, you can take one knife to feed many.

Kendrick (Yonce)

What happens to all the other beasts that you kill during this competition that isn't the biggest?

Kendrick (Yonce)

Yeah, do you--

Timothy (The Steward)

Oh, we eat all of it, but it's just to encourage people to think about the lives that are being spent.

Kendrick (Yonce)

Sounds very... sustainable.

Timothy (The Steward)

Yes, yes, of course. We are stewards of the environment that we live in, and therefore it is best that we take care of it as it nourishes us.

Russell (Upri)

Seems sensible.

Kendrick (Yonce)

Can I have my bacon now?

Timothy (The Steward)

Oh, yes. Sorry, I am sorry. I have been known to be quite long-winded. [laughs] You may go eat breakfast. I will see you laterrrr. And after the hunt, come visit me in the temple, and I can teach you more about our ways.

Russell (Upri)

"You gotta deal, Stew!" and Upri's gonna punch him in the shoulder.

Timothy (The Steward)

[surprised] "Oh, very, very well." and they gingerly, kind of, tap you back on the shoulder.

Russell (Upri)

[play-acting] Oh, ah, oooh. You got, you got an arm there, Stew. [Tim laughs]

Timothy (The Steward)

All right. Well, enjoy breakfast.

Helen (Panret)

Thank you, Stew. Stewart. [Helen and Tim laugh]

Kendrick (Yonce)

Bye, The Steward.

Timothy (DM)

We're all gonna be Southern by the end of this.

Helen (Panret)

Thank you, Steward. It's important that I think all of our guests feel welcome, so I will meet up with you later at the temple.

Timothy (The Steward)

Lovely. I will see you later, Panret.

Kendrick (Yonce)

So, where's that bacon?

Helen (Panret)

[sing-songy] This wayyyyyy.

Timothy (DM)

All right. So, you make your way into the center of the village. People are having breakfast. Lots of options: there's hoecakes. There are... we have hoecakes--

Russell (Upri)

[accusatory to Timothy] What-what'd you call me?

Timothy (DM)

Hoecakes! Oh my gosh, have you never had a hoecake? [sing-songy] Delicioussss!--

Russell (Upri)

No, what's a hoecake!?!

Kendrick (Yonce)

That's what they called me in college. [Russell laughs]

Timothy (DM)

It's like a pancake but cooked on a hoe over a fire--

Russell (Upri)

Correction: hoeCAKES is what they called me. [laughs]

Kendrick (Yonce)

They did call me hoecake. [makes a herr-owwww noise]

Timothy (DM)

--Hoecakes, bacon, biscuits, tea, coffee. Like, all sorts of wonderful lovely breakfast goodies.

Helen (Panret)

And honey over everything!

Timothy (DM)

--and honey over everything. Oh my gosh, they LOVE honey.

Russell (Upri)

Honey-honey glazed bacon? [Helen laughs]

Timothy (DM)

Honey glazed bacon, yes.

Kendrick (Yonce)

Yeah, now you're talking my language.

Timothy (DM)

You all are able to, kind of, feast for breakfast, which is really only to show you what is to come for the rest of the festival.

Kendrick (Yonce)

Yonce grabs four plates. [Tim and Helen laugh] Just keeps going back for seconds and thirds and fourths.

Russell (Upri)

Yon, you gotta pace yourself. You're not gonna be able to run later when we're huntin'.

Kendrick (Yonce)

"I think I'll be okay" as I eat more bacon [Helen laughs] and stuff some in my little... my backpack just for a little snack later. Yonce really loves bacon. End of the statement. [Russell laughs]

Helen (Panret)

I just think it's really nice how much you like bacon.

Kendrick (Yonce)

It's meaty. It's salty. It's sweet when you put the honey on it. It's one of the two things I'm truly passionate about. That and crocheting.

Helen (Panret)

[to Tim] Does everybody in this D&D group crochet? [Tim laughs]

Kendrick (Yonce)

No, actually, I don't even crochet--

Helen (Panret)

[laughing] Oh, okay.

Kendrick (Yonce)

I'm learning how to knit, though.

Timothy (DM)

It's a requirement: you must crochet, um...

Russell (Upri)

I'm not crafty at all. [Tim and Helen laugh]

Helen (Panret)

Okay, sorry. [all laugh] I like to imagine that you... that you've croch-- that you have, like, a little crocheted, like, bacon and eggs.

Russell (Upri)

[lovingly] Oh, that's good. [Tim awws]

Kendrick (Yonce)

Okay, we're adding that into the story somehow. I will take that.

Helen (Panret)

So, now that you've had a nice restful night and a enormous breakfast, we'll enjoy the hunt today. You might want to grab an extra biscuit in your pocket for when you sugar crash in about two hours from all the honey. Um--

Russell (Upri)

Oh, good thinkin'. [awkward pause]

Kendrick (Yonce)

Yonce grabs a couple of biscuits and a handful of bacon and then turns to the nearest person. "Hey, for the leftover bacon, can you just put that in the guest cottage on the top bunk, please. Thank you very very much." [Helen laughs] And I hug them, and I take one more piece of bacon, and I eat it

Helen (Panret)

So, for the hunt, we roll Yonce out of the breakfast area. [Tim laughs]

Kendrick (Yonce)

One thing that you should know about Yonce is Yonce can eat. [Helen laughs] They will not get tired.

Timothy (DM)

And so as breakfast is starting to dwindle, you notice that people are starting to collect at the edge of the village near the forest line, the tree line.

Helen (Panret)

Well, are you ready to hunt?

Russell (Upri)

Sure am!

Kendrick (Yonce)

Sure.

Russell (Upri)

Upri, uh, holds up Fern, her hammer that I've just named. Fern, even though it's a tree, uh...[laughs]

Helen (Panret)

I love it. [laughs]

Russell (Upri)

Ready to go.

Kendrick (Yonce)

I have a dart and something called a Y-K-L-W-A.

Timothy (DM)

I don't know how to pronounce it, but yes! [laughs]

Kendrick (Yonce)

Oh, yik-you... it's-it's pronounced "yick-you-lah-wah".

Russell (Upri)

Yick-youluh?

Kendrick (Yonce)

Yick-youluh!

Timothy (DM)

Yick-youluh. Okay.

Kendrick (Yonce)

Or, yick-you-wha. I'm gonna name it Spruce. Just because I don't want to keep saying yklwa.

Helen (Panret)

That's good. Pan has a stick that they insist is a quarterstaff. [Tim laughs]

Timothy (DM)

And, like, is it like a stick? Like, how long is this?

Helen (Panret)

It's like a stick the length of a quarter staff, but it's, like, clearly just been picked up off, like, the fl-- the ground, and also, they're not wearing armor, it's just leaves.

Timothy (DM)

Of course!

Russell (Upri)

Seems sensible. [pointing to self] Yeah, also unarmored.

Helen (Panret)

Yeah, when I created this character, I forgot to give them armor, so I'm just like rolling with it. [laughs breathlessly]

Russell (Upri)

What's your class again?

Helen (Panret)

Druid.

Russell (Upri)

Oh, yeah, you should be wearing medium armor. [laughs in agreement]

Kendrick (Yonce)

I am wearing chainmail and studded leather 'cause I was like "Go for it".

Timothy (DM)

[in Valley Girl] Go for ittttt. Interesting choice for a monk, but... [Tim and Helen laugh]

Kendrick (Yonce)

You know what? Before Yonce was a monk, Yonce's seen some things, but if you stay ready, you ain't gotta get ready. And that's Yonce his motto.

Timothy (DM)

Absolutely.

Kendrick (Yonce)

So, even though they did... they were a monk, I'm just gonna consider it half-monk. They know how to be monk-y. Oh, that's, mmm, whatever, I'll use it. But they--

Russell (Upri)

Monkish?

Kendrick (Yonce)

[agreeing] Monkish, but they still--

Russell (Upri)

Monk-like, even? [Helen laughs]

Kendrick (Yonce)

Monk-like. Yeah, I guess a monk-y is not really the best way to describe 'em.

Helen (Panret)

Monk-adjacent? [Russell laughs]

Kendrick (Yonce)

The derivative of monk, so that's what I will say.

Timothy (DM)

Perfect.

Helen (Panret)

I just imagine Yonce is, like, nibbling on things. "If you stay vacant, you might not get bacon" [all laugh]

Kendrick (Yonce)

I like that.

Timothy (DM)

"If you stay vacant..." [laughs] So, everybody is congregating. You see the Steward is there, chatting with various groups, other people who are going to be participating in the hunt. And as you arrive, she clears her throat. [throat clearing noise]

Timothy (The Steward)

All right? It appears that the hunt is ready to begin. Just as a reminder to everyone: the group that is able to hunt the largest game will be declared the champion for the Festival of the Goddess. This is a wonderful title that is very highly revered in our community, and so I wish you the best of luck. And yes, let the hunt begin!" And with that, people start trekking into the forest

Russell (Upri)

Upri is gonna [Hoooo-wee!] and just start boltin' into the woods.

Helen (Panret)

All right. [laughs]

Kendrick (Yonce)

Keep that in! [laughs]

Timothy (DM)

All right. So, you head on into the forest.... Are any of you hunters? [Tim and Helen laugh]

Russell (Upri)

Oh, I'm good at Survival.

Timothy (DM)

Alright.

Russell (Upri)

I've hunted a thing or two.

Helen (Panret)

I'm good at Nature AND Survival.

Russell (Upri)

Oh, oh yeah. We've established this: you're much better at both than me.

Helen (Panret)

Oh, that's right. We had like a tense moment--

Russell (Upri)

Remember, 'cause I was your guide, and they you lead the way 'cause I was bad at it.[laughs]

Helen (Panret)

I see Upri has NOT forgotten. [laughs]

Kendrick (Yonce)

And Yonce is just... they can handle their own, but don't leave them out there for the night. Please don't leave them out there for the night. I'm serious. Do not leave them out for the night.

Russell (Upri)

Leave who out?

Kendrick (Yonce)

Me: Yonce. I don't do the woods.

Helen (Panret)

Okay, good to know.

Russell (Upri)

[confused] Yon, we-we live in the... [resignedly] okay.

Helen (Panret)

Okay, well, Panret seems much more focused than usual.

Russell (Upri)

Alright, Pan Pan, what do you see? Anything yet?

Helen (Panret)

Well, Panret is making a concerted effort to see if they can smell anything. So, let's have a surv--

Timothy (DM)

Perception or Survival. Yeah,

Helen (Panret)

A Perception check, okay. A 19.

Russell (Upri)

Daymn.

Timothy (DM)

Oh, very nice. You do pick up some pheromones, and you recognize them as a brown bear.

Kendrick (Yonce)

[laughing] I was gonna say "Why it gotta be brown?" I'm so sorry [Russell and Tim laugh]

Helen (Panret)

Okay. [sniff] Yes, uh-huh. [sniff] Okay, bacon. [sniff] Honey, mhm mhm. Oh, there's a brown bear. Let's see, let's see... the wind is coming, uh, north, northeast. And let's see. Let's see. [sniff] A little bit... a little bit of spruce in there. Yeah, okay. Yes. They're... we're near.... Let's see. We have... I've picked up a scent.

Russell (Upri)

That is a neat trick, Pan Pan.

Kendrick (Yonce)

I'm actually impressed.

Russell (Upri)

Which direction?

Helen (Panret)

West.

Russell (Upri)

Weast? Alright.

Helen (Panret)

Well, I don't know. Remember, the goal of the hunt is to try to find something large. Brown bear is pretty large, but also--

Russell (Upri)

Not very tasty?

Helen (Panret)

--it's a bear. [laughs]

Kendrick (Yonce)

It's a bear, so that would be hard to kill.

Helen (Panret)

How do you feel about potentially pursuing this bear?

Kendrick (Yonce)

Can Yonce look at the floor to see if there's any twigs that are broken. Foot tracks?

Timothy (DM)

Give me a Perception check.

Kendrick (Yonce)

All right. That's a 19 as well.

Timothy (DM)

All right. So...

Helen (Panret)

That's the sugar rush from the honey. [Russell laughs]

Timothy (DM)

[sing-songy] The sugar ruuuush!

Kendrick (Yonce)

That's the bacon.

Timothy (DM)

With Panret's guidance off to the west, you start looking that direction, and you do start to notice some broken twigs and a berry bush that's been recently picked clean.

Kendrick (Yonce)

Sis, look over there. You see that bush over there? The berries have been picked clean over there, so I think we have to head that way. Also, I just call you "sis" because I... we're close enough where I call you "sis".

Russell (Upri)

Yeah, I get that it's... that "sis" and not the other one. (meaning the word "cis"). So, we're committin' to the bear?

Helen (Panret)

I don't know. What do you think?

Kendrick (Yonce)

Is there anything bigger that we can hunt? Or, what is the lore around here?

Helen (Panret)

Well, the biggest thing is probably the mountain. [Tim laughs] [with some tears] But it's not edible. [Kendrick laughs]

Russell (Upri)

Alright, uh, let's follow the bear trail, and we'll just keep an eye out for bigger tracks--

Helen (Panret)

Okay!,

Russell (Upri)

--while we're following it.

Helen (Panret)

Sure, that's a good plan.

Kendrick (Yonce)

I look at Upri. "She's a weird one." [Tim laughs]

Russell (Upri)

I mean, you know our siblings; come on. She ain't that bad compared. [Helen laughs]

Kendrick (Yonce)

"That is true." And I just walk in the direction, I don't even.... I start walking.

Helen (Panret)

Alright, we head west.

Timothy (DM)

All right. So, you start following the broken twigs, the scent of the bear pheromones, and make a Survival check.

Russell (Upri)

Everyone?

Timothy (DM)

Yeah.

Helen (Panret)

18.

Kendrick (Yonce)

Russell (Upri)

Natural 20. So, 23.

Timothy (DM)

Alright, so, between three of you, you can keep an eye on this path. Then, also give me a Dexterity check.

Russell (Upri)

Just Dexterity, not saving throw?

Helen (Panret)

Timothy (DM)

2 [Russell laughs]

Kendrick (Yonce)

15.

Russell (Upri)

18.

Timothy (DM)

Alright, so you're able to continue monitoring the pathway, finding more broken twigs, a couple paw prints in the dirt, and Panret is continuously distracted by various shrubberies and trees and begins to slow you down.

Russell (Upri)

Pan Pan, pick up the pace. We're gonna lose it!

Helen (Panret)

Oh, sorry. I just... I just... did you see that juniper back there?

Russell (Upri)

Oh, I mean I did, but we got to stay... we can come back later.

Kendrick (Yonce)

We can also see it when we come back.

Helen (Panret)

Right. Yeah, you're right. You're right. The juniper will still be there tomorrow.

Russell (Upri)

Yeah, maybe we can make gin with it... from it or something.

Helen (Panret)

"Okay, okay." Panret takes some deep breaths, touches a leaf, and then says, "Okay, I'm ready."

Kendrick (Yonce)

Yonce looks at Upri, just in confusion. The crash, the sugar crash is beginning. [Tim and Russell laugh] So, I open my pack, take one of the many pieces of honey glazed bacon that I "liberated" from the pan and take a bite and put it back in my pack... for later.

Helen (Panret)

Okay, we've had a moment of focus and a snack. Let's keep following this bear--

Russell (Upri)

And keep an eye out for bigger tracks as well!

Timothy (DM)

Yes, that's right 'cause maybe this little side dialogue was for the best because at this moment, Panret, you notice a hoof print... A rather LARGE hoof print.

Helen (Panret)

[curiously] Ohh. Do you see that?

Russell (Upri)

I do. What do you suppose made it?

Timothy (DM)

Give me a Survival or Nature.

Russell (Upri)

Is it bigger than the bear? Oh, we don't see bear footprints though; we just saw the twigs, right?

Timothy (DM)

You saw the paw prints.

Kendrick (Yonce)

I got a 7. So, I just don't know nothing. [Tim laughs]

Helen (Panret)

I got a 9. So, I'm like "It's an animal."

Russell (Upri)

I got a 4. [Tim laughs]

Timothy (DM)

All right. I mean, you know it's a big animal or a big hoof. So, whatever has a hoof and is very big. Could be a deer, could be an elk, could be--.

Russell (Upri)

I have a question, Pan Pan--

Helen (Panret)

[whispering] Could be a centaur.

Timothy (DM)

Could be a centaur.

Russell (Upri)

Yeah, we're not gonna [whispers] kill a centaur. [Tim laughs]

Timothy (DM)

Please don't kill a centaur.

Russell (Upri)

How do they determine what's the biggest hunt, y'know? Size? Weight? Volume? Most meat? A bear, you can use the pelt and stuff too...

Helen (Panret)

We are looking for food for the feast. So, we're talking about, like, how much meat can we get off this thing?

Russell (Upri)

All right. I mean, I guess it is summer, so bears probably don't have a lot of good meat on them yet.

Helen (Panret)

It's a little chewy, bear meat? Or actually, I've had bear, it's a little gamy.

Russell (Upri)

Alright, let's see where these hooves go. I don't think you're supposed to eat bear. I think it's lots of [incomprehensible adjective]. It's why you don't eat racoons...

Helen (Panret)

Well, I can tell you, though, that there's this thing.... If this is like a deer or something... I mean, I don't know if you've ever had venison stew, but...[give a satisfied mm noise] Panret gives you, like, a knowing look and, like, starts to-to zone out a little bit, a little bit of drool. Like, they start to salivate, like. [laughs]

Kendrick (Yonce)

Pan Pan! Focus, come on, come on.

Helen (Panret)

You know this? [points to hoof prints] This may be a better bet for us than the bear. And also, if this thing has hooves that mean it does not have claws. Just sayin'.

Kendrick (Yonce)

That is true.

Russell (Upri)

I mean, hooves can still hurt you if you get a good kick on you.

Helen (Panret)

That's true.

Russell (Upri)

Never stand behind horse. I've learned that bad.

Helen (Panret)

That's true. I wouldn't want to go up against a moose or something. Anyway,

Russell (Upri)

Hoooo-weeeEH!

Helen (Panret)

[laughing] Let's go forward.

Timothy (DM)

Alright, give me a Surviva,l Panret.

Helen (Panret)

Kendrick (Yonce)

That was very gingerly, and I lived for every moment of it.

Timothy (DM)

Alright. [laughs] So, you start to follow these tracks. They go off into a thick brush, and as you reach this brush, you lose the trail, and you start kind of sifting through and kind of getting lost in the thick of it. Would anybody like to assist Panret?

Russell (Upri)

So, we noticed that Pan Pan loses it?

Timothy (DM)

Yeah.

Helen (Panret)

Well, I've found this great bush, [Tim laughs] but I have no idea where the animal's gone.

Russell (Upri)

It's okay. Pan Pan. We'll take it from here.

Kendrick (Yonce)

Yeah, well both help.

Russell (Upri)

You look for prints, I'll look for other signs... eaten trees? What-what do hoofed creat-- I don't know...Clearings?

Timothy (DM)

Give me a Perception.

Kendrick (Yonce)

I got a 2.

Russell (Upri)

12?

Timothy (DM)

A 12. So, you make your way around this patch of shrubbery, and you're pushing back undergrowth, looking for twigs or something, and you can't be too sure, Upri, but you think you see a freshly snaped branch off to your left.

Russell (Upri)

I'm gonna go "Pan Pan, come your smell this. [Panret sniffs] What does it smell that?"

Timothy (DM)

Give me a Nature. [Helen rolls; Russell and Kendrick laugh] Lots of loooow rolls here.

Helen (Panret)

A natural 1, so I sniff the branch, and I'm like "It smells like a tree." [Tim laughs]

Russell (Upri)

I mean, I think this is a bush, Pan Pan. But...

Helen (Panret)

[crestfallen] You're right. Yeah, you're right.

Kendrick (Yonce)

Are you okay, Pan Pan?

Helen (Panret)

[to herself] Maybe I need a little bit of sugar.

Russell (Upri)

Yon, do you have any snacks you could share with Pan Pan? [Helen laughs]

Kendrick (Yonce)

I look at my pack, and I see all the bacon. "No." [Helen and Russell laugh]

Helen (Panret)

[hurtedly] Panret eat some leaves. [Tim laughs]

Russell (Upri)

All right, well, let's head this way anyway, just in case this is the way it went?

Helen (Panret)

[optimistically] Maybe we'll fall on something.

Timothy (DM)

Yeah. [Helen laughs]

Kendrick (Yonce)

We are not going to win this competition.

Russell (Upri)

Worse case scenario: we can eat someone else's find. [Tim laughs]

Kendrick (Yonce)

Can knock someone else in the... over the head.

Russell (Upri)

I mean, I'd do that too, but we just can't get caught. [Tim laughs] We're guests here, Yon.

Kendrick (Yonce)

That is true. That is true.

Helen (Panret)

[assessing the situation] Well... so we have no idea what we're doing...

Russell (Upri)

But, we're following broken twigs!

Timothy (DM)

Ya' got sidetracked, so lost the bear trail, and now you're following "a" trail. You think?

Helen (Panret)

A hooved trail.

Russell (Upri)

Just one broken twig?

Timothy (DM)

Just one broken twig so far. Give me a Dexterity check to make pace.

Kendrick (Yonce)

15.

Helen (Panret)

10.

Russell (Upri)

11.

Timothy (DM)

Wow. All right.

Russell (Upri)

[Owen Wilson voice] Wowwww. [group laughs]

Timothy (DM)

So...[Russell laughs] Wow! So, you all, kind, of meander off in that direction, still struggling to find good signs of where you're going. So, you're just gonna, kind of, mosey on over in the direction you think that it was. Can't be sure that it didn't double back or anything. Give me a Perception check.

Kendrick (Yonce)

12.

Helen (Panret)

17.

Russell (Upri)

Timothy (DM)

All right. And Panret, that is when your nose kicks in. [all laugh]

Kendrick (Yonce)

It was the leaves! It was the leaves! [Helen laughs]

Timothy (DM)

The leaves gave you that little bit of sustained sugar.

Helen (Panret)

The oomph! [Tim laughs]

Kendrick (Yonce)

That chlorophyll- form? What's in that?

Timothy (DM)

Chlorophyll?

Russell (Upri)

Chloroform is what you use to knock somebody out and kidnap them. Russell and Helen laugh]

Kendrick (Yonce)

Well, I am a monk, not a scientist.

Timothy (DM)

But, that is when your nose kicks in, and you get the faint odor of a male elk.

Helen (Panret)

There's a smellk here. [laughs]

Kendrick (Yonce)

Uh, what's a smellk?

Helen (Panret)

Y'know, the smell of an elk? A smellk?

Kendrick (Yonce)

Did you make that up?

Helen (Panret)

[not addressing the question, pointing in the distance] It's this way! [Tim laughs]

Russell (Upri)

Okay, lead the way, Pan Pan.

Kendrick (Yonce)

I look at Yonce...that's me. I look at Upri and say "The chores seemed kind of better at this point." [Helen laughs sadly]

Russell (Upri)

I mean, you like cleaning floors?

Kendrick (Yonce)

I mean, I can put on my favorite podcast "Shadows of Prophecy" and just tune in. [Tim laughs]

Timothy (DM)

[dismayed yet laughing] Oh, no.

Helen (Panret)

[laughing] Womp-womp.

Timothy (DM)

[sad trombone] Womp womp womp.

Helen (Panret)

Alright, well, I catch... I catch the [laughs] scent I catch the scent--

Kendrick (Yonce)

I crack myself up.

Helen (Panret)

--I catch the scent. And we...?

Timothy (DM)

Follow it off to the east this time.

Helen (Panret)

We go east.

Russell (Upri)

Oh, we're doublin' back.

Timothy (DM)

Doublin' back in the forest. Hopefully, you don't get lost. [wink] Alright...

Helen (Panret)

Wouldn't it be funny if we got lost? [Tim and Kendrick laugh]

Timothy (DM)

So, you start following the scent until you come across another set of tracks These ones are a little bit more pronounced than the ones you picked up first: large hoofprints.

Russell (Upri)

They look fresh?

Timothy (DM)

They look VERY fresh. Seems like you are keeping pace with this creature. Almost as if it's lumbering through the forests.

Russell (Upri)

Alright, let's pick up the pace.

Kendrick (Yonce)

Can we tell how large it is? Like heightwise?

Russell (Upri)

Oh, yeah, how tall it is.

Timothy (DM)

Yeah, give me an Insight.

Kendrick (Yonce)

Timothy (DM)

All right, so--

Helen (Panret)

[stating the obvious] We are in the woods.

Timothy (DM)

"We are in the woods." You do you see a couple lower branches that have been broken, but you don't see anything up in the trees.

Kendrick (Yonce)

I point just so I can feel like I'm contributing. "Look guys, branches that are broken."

Russell (Upri)

Well done, Yon. Alright, let's go!

Timothy (DM)

They do point you off in the right direction, so you have confirmed that you are maintaining this trail.

Russell (Upri)

Oh, would I know elk mating calls by chance?

Timothy (DM)

Give me a Nature check.

Kendrick (Yonce)

Oh no.

Russell (Upri)

It's a minus one.

Kendrick (Yonce)

Please be a nat 20.

Russell (Upri)

That is a one.

Timothy (DM)

Yeah, you don't know elk meeting calls unfortunately.

Helen (Panret)

Here's your mating call: "Here elky!" [Russell laughs]

Russell (Upri)

"Come here boy!" [makes cat beckoning pss-pss noises]

Timothy (DM)

You have a trail of cats behind you. [Kendrick and Tim laugh] Yeah, so... no, you don't recall any elk mating calls unfortunately.

Helen (Panret)

Too bad. We'll just, like, y'know gingerly approach it.

Russell (Upri)

Naw, this thing is running. We gotta... we gotta break into a jog to keep up with it.

Helen (Panret)

[whispers in dismay] Jog.

Russell (Upri)

All right, come on, Pan Pan. [Tim laughs]

Kendrick (Yonce)

Yes, jog.

Helen (Panret)

J-jog, you mean like running? [Tim laughs]

Kendrick (Yonce)

It's like running but with less force.

Helen (Panret)

Panret looks distressed, but they start, kind of, power-walking. [Tim and Kendrick laugh]

Timothy (DM)

All right, everybody give me a Dexterity check.

Kendrick (Yonce)

I got a 3.

Russell (Upri)

Helen (Panret)

I got a natural 20, which gives me 19. [Russell laughs]

Timothy (DM)

Yay!

Russell (Upri)

You kinda rock out.

Kendrick (Yonce)

Like those Olympic people?

Timothy (DM)

Panret is on a roll, leaving you in the dust.

Helen (Panret)

[radly] Like a retired lady at the mall!

Timothy (DM)

And Panret, as you are power walking and stepping over felled trees, pushing through the brush, give me a Perception check.

Helen (Panret)

[excited noise] Natural 20 again, which gives me 23.

Timothy (DM)

23, okay.

Kendrick (Yonce)

Those leaves you ate really are kicking in. [Russell laughs]

Timothy (DM)

So, you are pushing past a shrub. You notice that there are chunks of this shrub broken off, broken branches above you (well above your head) and in the trees, you see the span of antlers, maybe 10 feet in diameter--

Helen (Panret)

[astonished] 10 FEET! This thing has 10 feet? Do we see all ten hoofprints?

Timothy (DM)

--Ginormous antlers, and they're just like a crown on its head.

Helen (Panret)

Wowwww.

Timothy (DM)

This thing is so FUCKING regal, and just, like, stoically just standing in the forest, just surveying its surroundings

Helen (Panret)

Panret abruptly stops power-walking.

Timothy (DM)

And that is where we will put a pause on today's story. Thank you all for joining us for a plunge into the abyss. I hope you all enjoyed this episode of Shadows of Prophecy. Join us next time to find out becomes our var unfortunate players in this most dreadful act.

Timothy (DM)

Shout out to my brother known as the chill electronic vapor soul artist, LUSQ, for writing our chillingly epic theme song; editing by Scrubcast; and a big shout out to Syrinscape for some amazing atmosphere and music. Make sure you check them out syrinscape.com I always use them at my game table, and it adds that little something special to bring your players into the story. Also, please follow us on Twitter @ShadowsProphecy and Instagram @shadows_of_prophecy. And hey, show us some support by becoming one of our fabulous patrons at patreon.com/shadowsofprophecy, where you can get access to both his content like handouts, encounter maps, and even adventure guides to run your own horrific campaigns or one-shots. And at the very least, give us a five star review on your podcast platform of choice. This is how we get the word out about our podcast, and we love sharing it with you all. Thank you, and tune in next time for more tales of dread and despair at Shadows of Prophecy.