Timothy (DM)
Welcome to Shadows of Prophecy, a D&D real play podcast following the ill-omened web of lives whispered by the Void, their names repeated in the darkness. Shadows of Prophecy is a Dungeons and Dragons podcast with violent themes and adult language. Listener discretion is advised.
With us today to traverse through adventures of creeps and conspiracy, we have myself, Timothy, as our ambivalent DM.
Ellie (Markie)
I'm Ellie. I'm playing the kobold bard "Valerian's best friend" Markie.
Chris (Sal S)
I'm Chris. I'm playing the tiefling cleric "Willing to jump into danger - crossed the continent for a literal stranger" Salvador Saltrose. [Dan and Ellie laugh]
Ellie (Markie)
That's so good.
Dan (Wren)
And I'm Dan, playing the human scholar and methodical medic, Wren.
Timothy (DM)
Last time on Shadows of Prophecy, a cleric named Sal, a physician named Wren, and a bard named Markie met in a bar, and a strange coin drew them together. Set on atoning for their guilt, Salvador used this opportunity to garner some aid and track down Desmond Calderos' family cottage, but when they got there, nothing was as expected. Weird ramblings, scientific research, signs of a squatter, and nursery rhymes littered the abandoned cottage, which led them to a cryptic note and a trap door.
Ellie (Markie)
And the cryptic note was: 'I hope the cute tall one survives' [all laughs] We're still not sure who that means.
Chris (Sal S)
It's gonna be plaguing us for the rest of the campaign.
Dan (Wren)
[confidently] I mean some us... some of us know who that is. [laughs]
Ellie (Markie)
Right, yeah.
Chris (Sal S)
It's obviously... it's obviously, uh, Salvador, yeah.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, we all know, yeah.
Timothy (DM)
Sure, mmhm, mhmm.
Dan (Wren)
Clearly Twilight. [laughs]
Ellie (Markie)
Our party is going to be torn APART from the inside out.
Dan (Wren)
Definitely my cat. [laughs]
Chris (Sal S)
Twilight wakes up from their nap.
Ellie (Markie)
They're tall for a cat.
Chris (Sal S)
Slightly tall.
Dan (Wren)
Like, if you hold them up, they do the loooong, like.
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah, they're long!
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, like wiggle wiggle.
Timothy (DM)
So! [laughs] You've just placed the key with the eye and the three parallel lines running from top to bottom into the keyhole, and turned it [Dan: *click*] It clicked.
Ellie (Markie)
Let's RUMBLE!
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, I guess we open it. [all laugh]
Timothy (DM)
You pull open the door, and a cloud of dust bursts up into the air.
Ellie (Markie)
*coughing khh-khh-khh* Oh well, I guess that hasn't been used in a minute.
Timothy (DM)
You peer down and see a dim glow at the base of a set of wooden stairs ending at a wooden door.
Dan (Wren)
Is the glow coming from, like, underneath the door?
Timothy (DM)
Yes.
Chris (Sal S)
I'll head down. I feel like being the person that broke into this house first, I'll lead you guys down there.
Dan (Wren)
[plainly] It is your fault, yes. [laughs]
Chris (Sal S)
What?!
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, this is sort of your thing. We're just, like, along for the ride.
Chris (Sal S)
"I wouldn't say 'fault' but, uh, 'privilege' maybe? No. It's, uh... I... yeah, sorry." Okay, so I'll-I'll descend the staircase.
Timothy (DM)
Alright, so you ascend down the squeaky wooden stairs...
Ellie (Markie)
Ascend down? [all laugh]
Dan (Wren)
Ascend down.
Chris (Sal S)
It's a topsy-turvy world!
Timothy (DM)
[ominously] Time is not malignant!
Dan (Wren)
Time, also space.
Timothy (DM)
You DESCEND the stairs, they creak beneath your feet, and you come up against the wooden door.
Chris (Sal S)
I listen to the door. Is there anything happening behind it?
Timothy (DM)
Give me a Perception roll.
Dan (Wren)
I like to think that Markie and Wren are just, like, sticking their heads down and being, like... just waiting for him to open the door.
Chris (Sal S)
I got a 16.
Timothy (DM)
16, you press your ear up against the wood of the door and listen to the other side. You hear some creaking, maybe the scurrying of a critter. That's about it.
Chris (Sal S)
So, this glow: is it like throbbing, or is it like a steady illumination?
Timothy (DM)
It's like a flicker of a flame.
Chris (Sal S)
Okay. I motion to Markie and Wren and...
Ellie (Markie)
We ascend down the stairs [all laugh] Or, Markie ascends down the stairs. I can't speak for Wren.
Chris (Sal S)
Can I slowly try to turn the knob of the door?
Timothy (DM)
Yeah, so you put your hand on the knob, and you start to slowly turn it. It kind of squeak a little as the metal rubs up against itself, and you hear the click of the mechanism.
Chris (Sal S)
And I push open the door.
Timothy (DM)
You push open the door. Inside is a stone chamber. A stone slab sits at the other end of the room with lit candles flickering against the wall.
Chris (Sal S)
Do these candles look like they have burned down, or like these are... I'm thinking this might be like a perpetual flame that doesn't actually melt.
Timothy (DM)
The wick is black. The wax is partially melted, [Chris: "Okay."] and there is a door to the right.
Chris (Sal S)
So, slab, door, nothing else inside.
Dan (Wren)
Candles.
Timothy (DM)
Yeah, nothing immediately.
Ellie (Markie)
How big is the space? Is it like a cha--
Timothy (DM)
It's like a 15 by 15 room [Ellie: "Ok, just like a regular room] Weirdly empty, moderate-sized room. Stone, flagstone flooring, masonry walls.
Chris (Sal S)
I'm gonna go walk over to those candles and-and look at them.
Timothy (DM)
They are white wax candles. [Chris: "Mmm"] The wax has started to drip down the sides of each of them.
Chris (Sal S)
[curiously] Just like in the fairytale.
Ellie (Markie)
What's the deal with the slab? Like, is it--?
Timothy (DM)
It's a stone table, but like a rough-hewn organic shape.
Ellie (Markie)
But there's just candles on it? Nothing else?
Timothy (DM)
Just candles on it, and just two,
Ellie (Markie)
Just two candles, oh, ok.
Timothy (DM)
--each of the back corners
Chris (Sal S)
So, it looks good. Maybe we can move on?
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, Wren will try the door.
Timothy (DM)
Wren moves over to the door on the right side of the room, turns the handle. It's unlocked. [Dan: *click*] You push forward and peer out into a short wide hallway. There's another door on the other side of the hallway. It ends abruptly to your left, extends maybe 20 feet to your right: stone, flagstone floor, brick masonry, and a torch lit on the wall.
Dan (Wren)
So, the hall-- I'm not, like, facing into the hallway. I'm, like, on the side of the hallway that goes right and left? [Tim: "Mmhm"] Okay.
Ellie (Markie)
And there's a door (you said) directly across also? [Tim: "Mmhm", Dan: "Oh"] Markie pokes her head around your side, I guess, to also look at the door. Is there anything, like... light flickering from beneath the closed door across the hall? Or is there light flickering from either of the ends of the hallway? Any light flickering anywhere?
Timothy (DM)
I mean, there's a torch in the hallway. [Ellie: "Okay, great."] and it seems like the room across the hall is also lit.
Ellie (Markie)
Well, I got no horse in this race.
Chris (Sal S)
I'm thinking, maybe continue going through doors?
Ellie (Markie)
[shrugs shoulders] Yeah, what's not to like?
Dan (Wren)
[shrugs shoulders] Yeah, I don't see why not.
Chris (Sal S)
Go for the door [correcting himself] *I* go for the door. [Dan and Ellie laugh]
Timothy (DM)
This door is also unlocked. [Chris: *whistle*] You open it, and this room is slightly different. The walls are no longer masonry, but plaster and on each of the four walls, you see a mural. In the center of the room, you see a small square patch of dirt.
Ellie (Markie)
As opposed to... what is the rest of the floor made of?
Timothy (DM)
Flagstone. [Ellie: "Oh, okay.]
Dan (Wren)
What are the murals of?
Timothy (DM)
The first mural is a tree with red and orange leaves starting to fall. The next mural is a mound of snow. The third mural is a flower sprouting from green grass. And the fourth one is a landscape of bright overgrown flowers.
Chris (Sal S)
Found their all-year-round room, I suppose.
Dan (Wren)
Their four seasons room?
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah. [with a concierge voice] 'Welcome to the Four Seasons.' [all laugh] And there's dirt in the middle! I'm gonna go in and what's in this dirt? Is it just loose loam?
Timothy (DM)
Give me an Investigation.
Chris (Sal S)
9.
Timothy (DM)
You start to sift through the dirt and find nothing of interest.
Chris (Sal S)
Pretty boring room other than the murals.
Ellie (Markie)
When you say there's a patch of dirt in the middle, how big, like, what are the dimensions of the patch? Are we talking like a grave? Mostly, like.
Timothy (DM)
No. [Ellie and Dan laugh]
Dan (Wren)
A small grave, yeah. [laughs]
Timothy (DM)
Maybe like two feet by two feet? [Ellie: "Oh, okay", Dan: "Very small"] A pretty small patch.
Ellie (Markie)
As if some sort of square animal was buried here. [all laugh]
Chris (Sal S)
It's a Creeper!
Ellie (Markie)
And there's... the only door in the room is the door that we came in?
Timothy (DM)
Uh, there is a door... two doors [Ellie and Chris: "Oh!"] across the way.
Chris (Sal S)
Oh, okay on the... on the snow wall?
Timothy (DM)
On the snow wall. They are painted with part of the mural. [group "oh's in unison]
Ellie (Markie)
Well, should we check in both? See which one looks more interesting?
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, I'll take the one on the right.
Ellie (Markie)
All right. I'll take the one on the left. Salvador, hold down the dirt fort.
Chris (Sal S)
Ok, I'm standing on the dirt, and I'm looking, keeping guard. [Dan and Ellie laugh]
Dan (Wren)
That's not gonna end poorly.
Timothy (DM)
Alright, Wren and Markie go to each of the two doors and try to turn the handle.
Dan (Wren)
Do we count?
Ellie (Markie)
Count on three to open?
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, 1, 2, 3! *HHHH*
Timothy (DM)
They're locked.
Ellie (Markie)
Ahhh, that was so anticlimactic.
Chris (Sal S)
Try the key!
Dan (Wren)
Oh yeah! So, let's--
Timothy (DM)
And as you do so, you hear the door you came from close and click.
Ellie (Markie)
Uh! We got a problem, folks. [Tim and Dan laugh]
Dan (Wren)
Unexpected, uh...
Ellie (Markie)
Salvador! What are you doing back there?!
Chris (Sal S)
I was guarding the dirt, like you said!
Ellie (Markie)
Don't listen to me. I'm not in charge of this situation [Dan laughs] I'm barely in charge of my own life. [Chris laughs]
Dan (Wren)
Are they... are there key holes on the doors that we are trying to open?
Timothy (DM)
[gleeful] No.
Dan (Wren)
Oh, great.
Chris (Sal S)
And was there on the one that we entered in from?
Timothy (DM)
[mournful] No.
Ellie (Markie)
Can I go back and just wiggle the doorknob of the one we entered from, just to check?
Timothy (DM)
You may. It is locked.
Chris (Sal S)
Okay.
Ellie (Markie)
Ohhh, bad news.
Chris (Sal S)
Do I have a shovel?
Timothy (DM)
You... [laughs]
Chris (Sal S)
I have a crowbar, which is probably the closest...
Timothy (DM)
--have a crowbar?
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah. So, I'm going to try to start excavating the dirt mound.
Timothy (DM)
So, you start digging the mound of dirt. Mmhm-mmhm-mhmm. You start to get a pile of dirt on the stone, and you keep digging...
Ellie (Markie)
I'll help too. [Chris: "Ok"]
Timothy (DM)
...and digging and digging...
Chris (Sal S)
So, I get down, like, four feet. That's probably when I stop.
Timothy (DM)
Oh my gosh! That's so far!
Ellie (Markie)
That takes a long t-- We're there for, like, three hours! [Tim laughs]
Chris (Sal S)
No, I... do, I do...
Timothy (DM)
With a crowbar!
Chris (Sal S)
Do I have anything else? I probably have, like--
Timothy (DM)
It's rather loose [Chris: "Yeah, it's not packed"] soil, like almost as if it was tilled.
Chris (Sal S)
Mm hmm. Very small area to till. I wonder how they... ok.
Dan (Wren)
Wren will, like, look through the murals and see if there's, like, any, like, secret doors or little buttons to push, you know, like, there might be in a trap.
Timothy (DM)
Give me an Investigation check.
Dan (Wren)
15.
Timothy (DM)
15; you scour those walls, and you're feeling them up and down.
Ellie (Markie)
Caressing some flowers.
Timothy (DM)
Caressing the walls. No indentations of note.
Ellie (Markie)
What's the ceiling like?
Timothy (DM)
Ceiling is also plaster.
Ellie (Markie)
Is there any light sources within the room?
Timothy (DM)
No. Other than the torches on the walls.
Ellie (Markie)
Oh, their torches on the walls? Yep. How many torches?
Timothy (DM)
One on each wall.
Chris (Sal S)
So, they're not actual doors. They're just painted doors?
Timothy (DM)
No, they're actual doors that the murals have been painted over partly.
Chris (Sal S)
Oh, ok. What... is there anything painted specifically on the doors of the mural for the snow wall? No? No snowman or..?
Timothy (DM)
Mmm, nothing of note.
Ellie (Markie)
[a la a video game prompt from an NPC] 'You have to complete the snowman's face' [Chris and Tim laugh]
Dan (Wren)
[singing that familiar tune] Do you want to build a snowman?
Chris (Sal S)
'Did you bring a carrot along? I hope so!' [thinks] Okay, so is there something seasonal? Like, we have to do s-- Like, it's not that we'd have to plant something or harvest something?
Ellie (Markie)
Well, if the dirt is tilled in the middle of the room. [looking at Sal's handiwork] Well, now it's just a big FUUUUCKING HOLE, I guess, SO...! [Dan laughs]
Chris (Sal S)
Salvador starts pushing it in the hole, using his legs to kick the dirt back end.
Ellie (Markie)
Does anybody have a seed of some kind? A plant?
Dan (Wren)
[whispers] Um, I don't think I do.
Chris (Sal S)
Oh, the P! The signet ring; did we bring the... we didn't bring the signet ring. But that's not a literal pea, that's just in the shape of a 'P'... [Ellie and Dan laugh]
Ellie (Markie)
The P! The vegetable the pea!
Chris (Sal S)
Twilight!
Dan (Wren)
We should have brought that with us.
Ellie (Markie)
We didn't bring it with us?
Dan (Wren)
I think we wou-- we'll say... we grabbed it, right? I pocketed it.
Timothy (DM)
You... you were pocketing a bunch of shit from that.
Dan (Wren)
That's fair, I also thought that...
Chris (Sal S)
How big of a gap is under the door? Like, could Twilight theoretically squeeze through 'cause they're a cat?
Dan (Wren)
What's Twilight going to do if it's, um, he's on the other side of the door.
Chris (Sal S)
What if... Just jump up and...
Ellie (Markie)
Is Twilight, like, a special cat?
Dan (Wren)
No, he's just a cat.
Ellie (Markie)
[laughing] Then nothing probably.
Chris (Sal S)
Oh, then I guess... then he can't talk.
Dan (Wren)
Just a well trained cat.
Chris (Sal S)
Ok, I was thinking, maybe he could, like, hit the doorknob to like... because it's locked from the outside. Ok.
Timothy (DM)
Okay, so Markie, as y'all are having this little discussion, and Salvador is frantically pushing the dirt back into the center of the room. You notice a seed sitting on one of the flagstones. Must have been in the dirt.
Chris (Sal S)
See!?
Ellie (Markie)
Check it out, guys.
Chris (Sal S)
Oh, good eyes, Markie.
Ellie (Markie)
Thanks. I got... I have darkvision, so...
Chris (Sal S)
Same.
Ellie (Markie)
Oh, then I saw it, and you didn't, so...
Chris (Sal S)
Well. I was busy. I was looking INTO the dirt, but you saw the "forest through the trees", or the 'seed through the dirt".
Dan (Wren)
I can only see, like, five... doesn't matter. [all laugh]
Ellie (Markie)
There are torches; we are in full daylight I gue-- well, not daylight, but, like, fully lit. All right, well, team, I think we have got to grow our gardens.
Chris (Sal S)
Does anybody have water? [to Markie] Because you drink all my water?
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, I've got a little. I've got some water. [Chris: "Okay"] Yeah, I got a water pouch.
Ellie (Markie)
I'll dig a li-- I'll use my little claws to, like, dig a small hole and put the seed in and *pat-pat-pat-pat-pat* it into place. All right.
Chris (Sal S)
And then... oh, I have Sacred Flame, which is radiant. To act as sunlight? [Ellie: "Hmm."] What were you thinking?
Ellie (Markie)
And also: what if (because time speeds up)... what if we get, like, a big time skip, and the plant grows really quickly because time speeds up? That's kind of like in meta?
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah.
Dan (Wren)
Well, I'll water it.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, water it. That can't hurt.
Dan (Wren)
I'll sprinkle some water over it.
Timothy (DM)
So, Wren starts to sprinkle water over the mound in which the seed was placed in the patch of dirt in the middle of the room. And right before your eyes, it begins to sprout into a little seedling. WHOA!
Ellie (Markie)
[in unison] WHOA!
Dan (Wren)
Amazing!!!
Ellie (Markie)
What kind of, like, a plant does it look like?
Timothy (DM)
It looks like it might be a maple tree.
Ellie (Markie)
*gasp*!
Chris (Sal S)
Just like on the mural!
Ellie (Markie)
Oh, so do we just, uh, sit tight, team?
Chris (Sal S)
I want to use Sacred Flame to make... because it's--
Ellie (Markie)
[concerned]What if it burns it?
Chris (Sal S)
No, but it's-it's only radiant, so it's (I imagine) it's just... I'm not attacking IT, but I'm, like, shooting at the ceiling.
Timothy (DM)
You can hold Sacred Flame. [Chris: "Yeah"] You don't HAVE to throw it. [laughs]
Chris (Sal S)
Ok, so yeah, I'm--
Ellie (Markie)
Sorta, like, shining light on it like a fucking Grow lamp.
Chris (Sal S)
I'm the UV light for this plant.
Timothy (DM)
It actually says it in the text that you can choose to throw it [Chris: "Ok"] as an attack. As you cast Sacred Flame and hold it to the plant, it begin to grow until it's about two feet tall and starts to sprout leaves.
Dan (Wren)
[tenderly] Li'l sapling.
Ellie (Markie)
Well, we should... I read an article once or somebody told me something once that if you sink to a plant, it likes it. So, Markie... I can't say actually, but I'm going to tell it a really good story about a little tiny plant that grew up to be a really big strong tree and even though there was, like, a big storm, it didn't blow over, and even though, like, birds nested in it, it didn't blow over and, like, all that kind of stuff.
Timothy (DM)
You go over to the tree, and you start to tell it a story. As you tell the story, you see the leaves begin to shake.
Chris (Sal S)
I think that's applause.
Timothy (DM)
And then they begin to turn yellow into orange into red, and one falls off the tree and starts to float down to the ground.
Ellie (Markie)
Did I... kill the tree? [laughs]
Dan (Wren)
I think that's right, though, because if we follow the seasons, we've hit fall.
Ellie (Markie)
We started with spring, right because it grew.
Dan (Wren)
Started spring: the sprouting. Water would make it grow in summer then fall...
Ellie (Markie)
And, like, leaves came out in summer.
Dan (Wren)
Right, and then the leaves fell off in fall...
Ellie (Markie)
And then winter maybe unlocks the winter doors...
Dan (Wren)
Maybe if we have... does anybody have any ice on them? [laughs]
Ellie (Markie)
Cold? Anything to make it cold?
Chris (Sal S)
[thumbing through cleric book] Um... I don't know if I have ice; I have necromancy, which is sort of like ice... [Tim and Ellie laugh]
Ellie (Markie)
In SOME ways. [Chris: "I have..."] Hmmm. Oh! Prestidigitation: 'chill, warm, or flavor up to one cubic foot of nonliving material for one hour.' Shit! A tree lives... Air is a nonliving material, can I chill a one foot square of... cube of air around the sapling with prestig-- prestidigitation?
Chris (Sal S)
[in awe of Ellie] That's wild.
Timothy (DM)
You may do so. So you cast Prestidigitation, and you chill the air in that one foot cube.
Ellie (Markie)
Not, like, freezing, but just like chill it, yeah.
Timothy (DM)
Just chill it, calm, cool.
Chris (Sal S)
It's crisp, cool.
Timothy (DM)
And as you do so, the remaining leaves fall to the ground, and you hear two clicks.
Ellie (Markie)
"I'M A GENIUS!" [Dan and Tim laugh] Markie does a victory lap, [Chris: "YASSS!"] runs around the perimeter of the room. "WOOO. Okay, great. Now, should we try our door opening maneuver again, Wren?"
Dan (Wren)
Mmhm, mhmm, mhmm. Ready? [in unison with Markie] 3-2-1. *HHHH*
Timothy (DM)
Both doors open. [all rejoice]
Dan (Wren)
Nailed it.
Chris (Sal S)
Do they exit to the same hallway?
Timothy (DM)
They do not. [Chris: "Ok"] They exit to two separate hallways that branch off in both directions. One goes to the right. The door on the right goes to the right; the door on the left goes off to the left, and you see (in both of them) one door on the other side of the hall. The left hallway, you also see another door on the same wall that you're standing. So, the right door has one door as an option. The left door has a door forward and a door backward
Chris (Sal S)
Okay.
Ellie (Markie)
But a different door backwards than the door that we're using [Tim: "Correct"] and the hallway doesn't... it just leads right to these other doors; there aren't.... it, like, doesn't continue down beyond sight?
Timothy (DM)
Correct, they're very short hallways.
Ellie (Markie)
Ok, short hallways... Well, folks, I think I've pulled by weight in this situation! [all laugh]
Chris (Sal S)
I guess we have more options with the left hallway compared to the right hallway.
Ellie (Markie)
True, but if the door back locks every time we go into a room.
Chris (Sal S)
I've got some pitons I can jam into the hinges to stop it.
Ellie (Markie)
True; we just need some doorstops.
Chris (Sal S)
Okay, so left hallway?
Ellie (Markie)
Left hallway.
Chris (Sal S)
Left hallway.
Ellie (Markie)
Ahead or back?
Dan (Wren)
[in unison with Salvador] Mmm, ahead.
Chris (Sal S)
No looking back.
Ellie (Markie)
Of the same mind, you and I; we make such a good team.
Timothy (DM)
[giggling] All right, you head down the hallway to the left.
Chris (Sal S)
Oh, oh geez.
Ellie (Markie)
Why are you laughing?!? [Tim laughs]
Dan (Wren)
That's not fair.
Timothy (DM)
Sorry! I know things!
Ellie (Markie)
No! We go to the right, actually!
Chris (Sal S)
We go back the way we came!
Ellie (Markie)
Stop! Don't chuckle! [all laugh]
Timothy (DM)
[laughing] You go off to the left, and the door is unlocked.
Dan (Wren)
We look inside.
Timothy (DM)
You look inside: you see another room (20 by 20 feet square room). In the center of the room is an altar surrounded by nine pedestals. On each pedestal, there is a stone statuette, and the altar looks to have indentations for three things. You look at the statuettes. You see (1) a man with an abacus, (2) a smith with a hammer and a forge, (3) a warrior with a spear, (4) a warrior with a bow, (5) a woman who is topless, (6) a bear, (7) an apple, (8) a rooster, and (9) a quill,.
Ellie (Markie)
Well, do we want to look in the door back just to check and see? [all laugh] No, no, I mean, no going back.
Dan (Wren)
Is there anything on, like, the middle pedestal?
Timothy (DM)
The three indentations.
Dan (Wren)
That's it? There's nothing else?
Ellie (Markie)
So, we got to figure out what, like, sculptures go in the middle, which one's right, which one's wrong.
Dan (Wren)
Right...we don't know any--
Timothy (DM)
There's also a placard. Yeah, it's definitely probably important or something.
Chris (Sal S)
What does it say? [Dan laughs]
Ellie (Markie)
Oh, well, now are we committing to going in the room and if we're committed to going in the room, I suggest we wedge the door open.
Dan (Wren)
I wedge the door, and then...
Ellie (Markie)
All right, stellar.
Timothy (DM)
That's easy enough to do; you wedge some pie-tons, pitt-ins?
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah, peetons.
Ellie (Markie)
Peetons?
Timothy (DM)
--in the door and that seems to hold it open quite well, and you go over to read the placard. It says the following: "You who wish to be rewarded, choose the three that keep things sorted."
That's interesting. "Sworded" like "sword" like a smith.
Ellie (Markie)
But there was the one with the abacus, and I feel like an abac-- well, that's counting; not really sorting.
Chris (Sal S)
Oh, sordid, like S-O-R-D-I-D, like a woman. [Ellie: "Ohhh"] Like the topless woman.
Ellie (Markie)
[judgy of Salvador] Well, let's not slut-shame. [all laugh]
Chris (Sal S)
[flustered] I'm not! I'm just... I'm going by-- I'm going by typical parlance; I-I don't... it depends on the community that you're in if something's sordid or not.
Dan (Wren)
[judgy of Salvador] Yeah, that came out to you really quickly. I'm just saying.
Chris (Sal S)
I'm sorry. [Tim and Dan laugh]
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, Sal, I don't know, man.
Chris (Sal S)
I-I-I'm also a cleric, so this is kind of... it's not--
Ellie (Markie)
Oh, you're a prude.
Chris (Sal S)
[defensive] I'm not a prude. I try to actively fight against--
Ellie (Markie)
You are a prude. Sal is... You know what? We all have our deep... our engrained beliefs.
Dan (Wren)
[puts hand on Sal's shoulder] You can't win 'em all.
Chris (Sal S)
Sal looks very disheartened by this. He's like "I'm not...! I'm COOL! [Ellie and Dan laugh] I-I can't..."
Ellie (Markie)
[mocking Sal] I love topless women!
Chris (Sal S)
This is... Yeah! And apples and roosters! That's, yeah...
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, do we... but, I don't suppose you have, like, a list of... or could you maybe repeat it again? Of the list of every, all the sculptures?
Timothy (DM)
There is a man with an abacus, a smith with a hammer, [Ellie: "Ok, smith hammer."] a warrior with a spear, a warrior with a bow, the topless woman, a bear, an apple, a rooster, and a quill.
Chris (Sal S)
How was "sorted" spelled on the plaque?
Timothy (DM)
It says "sorted".
Ellie (Markie)
S-O-R-T-E-D?
Timothy (DM)
S-O-R-T-E-D.
Chris (Sal S)
Okay.
Ellie (Markie)
But it could be like a play on words.
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Normally, it's a spoken riddle. But yeah, so...
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, so abacus makes sense because it would keep things sorted, but also the quill might make sense.
Chris (Sal S)
If you're keeping a log.
Ellie (Markie)
Like tracking thing.
Dan (Wren)
Keeping a log, keeping track of things.
Ellie (Markie)
There isn't anybody with a sword, so I don't think we're going for 'sworded'. 'Sorted'... Well, maybe we can choose to eliminate some right off the bat that, like, we think are definitely not... like 'apple'. I can't think of any way an apple keeps things sorted in any context.
Dan (Wren)
Agreed.
Ellie (Markie)
All right. Can I move the apple sculpture from its pedestal to, like, a corner of the room? Yeah.
Dan (Wren)
Throw it on the floor, yeah? [laughs]
Timothy (DM)
You take the apple off of its pedestal and place it in the corner of the room.
Ellie (Markie)
That's the discard pile. [Tim laughs]
Dan (Wren)
Just toss it!
Ellie (Markie)
Okay, a bear...
Chris (Sal S)
Can't think of anything. [Dan: "Yeah"]
Ellie (Markie)
Unless it's like "a bear poops in the woods" and that's sort of sordid? No, because a bear has no concept of shame.
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah, no decency.
Ellie (Markie)
[laughing] Yeah, so bear in the discard pile.
Timothy (DM)
All right, bear goes in the discard pile in the corner of the room.
Ellie (Markie)
[whispers] Sordid.
Chris (Sal S)
So, we have a... two warriors. I don't know if either warrior is around sorting or sordidness.
Ellie (Markie)
[whispers] Spear or a bow. Sworded.
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, I would get rid of the... both of them as well. Doesn't makes sense to me.
Ellie (Markie)
Discard, discard the warriors. Got it.
Chris (Sal S)
So, we're down to five.
Timothy (DM)
The warriors have been discarded.
Ellie (Markie)
All right. I feel like maybe abacus, topless woman, and quill are, like, the only three that I can even think of a kind of justification for. [whispers] Sorted.
Dan (Wren)
I mean, the rooster crows in the morning, so it keeps you sorted in that sense; lets you know when to wake up.
Ellie (Markie)
And it is like... it kind of runs the-the coop, keeps everybody... keeps all the chickens in line.
Dan (Wren)
[tilts head] Do they? [laughs]
Ellie (Markie)
I don't know!
Chris (Sal S)
Maybe casually, very casually in line, I guess. Um, I don't know. I still... I still think that the smith has merit of being keeping people sworded.
Ellie (Markie)
[in unison with Wren] Oh, sworded!
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah, S-W-O-R-D-E-D. [Dan: "ooOOhh"]
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, ok, I like that. Okay! 'Cause then we get sorted: abacus; sordid: topless woman; sworded-- [Tim and Dan laugh] (this is gonna work REALLY well in an audio format) sworded: the smith. [Chris: "Yeah"] All right. Well, let's go for it. What's the worst that could happen; we all trigger some kind of terrible trap and die of poison gas?
Chris (Sal S)
You have to BATTLE--
Dan (Wren)
[serious] I imagine that that is the worst that can happen.
Ellie (Markie)
WE PROPPED THE DOOR OPEN. [Dan laughs] We can leave anytime we want.
Chris (Sal S)
What would be really wild as if the five rej-- the six rejects FOUGHT you, so, like, you have an apple and a quill and then a rooster and--
Ellie (Markie)
A bear!
Chris (Sal S)
--and a bear, yeah. [trying to seem like a non-prude] And a topless woman, like, I don't know... [all laugh]
Ellie (Markie)
All right, yeah! Let's make THIS consequence happen. Okay, so we're doing the... is there... are the three indents on the pedestal, do they seem like interchangable, do they have any distinct subtlties to them?
Timothy (DM)
Yeah, they're all the same shape. All of the statuettes have the same shaped base--
Ellie (Markie)
Is it, like, a circle?
Timothy (DM)
--which is the same shape as the... yes, it is a circle... same shape as the... and size as the indent on the pedestal.
Ellie (Markie)
Okay. Do we each want to put one... each we hold one and we put them in on three?
Chris (Sal S)
Is there anything on the bottom of the... of the statuette? Like, is there anything marked on the bottom?
Timothy (DM)
No. [Chris: "Okay."]
Dan (Wren)
I'll take the abacus.
Ellie (Markie)
[quickly] Dibs on topless woman. [all laugh]
Chris (Sal S)
And I pick the smith.
Timothy (DM)
All right. You all pick up those three statuettes? And you hover over the altar, and you place them in their divots.
Chris (Sal S)
*CLUNK*
Ellie (Markie)
*CLUNK*
Timothy (DM)
And as you do, you hear the two doors on the other side of the room *click* open.
Dan (Wren)
[deep voice] NAILED IT. [laughs]
Ellie (Markie)
We are soooo smart! [Chris: "Wooo"] Oh my god. I hope that whoever is at the end of this thing is so impressed by us. [Chris laughs]
Chris (Sal S)
[imitating the Watcher] 'I've been watching you; very good!' Yeah.
Dan (Wren)
[incredulous] Who BUILDS things like this? Who DOES this?!?
Ellie (Markie)
It's like the... it's like the person who monitors an escape room, right?, where they're like over the speakers like 'Don't touch that; that's not part of the puzzle. [all laugh] Stop pulling on the door. That's not part of the puzzle; that's the emergency exit.'
Timothy (DM)
[crypticly] Who DOES build these things?
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah. This is like a BIG... this is a lot to be under a little cottage. [Chris: "Yeah, I think..."] None of the other houses in this neighborhood must have basements, or they're like, 'Oh, we're gonna put in a basement. Oh shit. We dug into one of the fucking trap rooms again!' [Tim and Dan laugh]
Chris (Sal S)
Or, like their lease does not cover basements, like.... they just stole... like, they-they bought everybody else's basements, and they just connect them all in a hive. [Tim laughs]
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, there are, like, blocked-off staircases in every room. [Chris and Dan laugh]
Timothy (DM)
Sounds like you all are going to need to read some books. [laughs]
Ellie (Markie)
Wait, we need to read books?
Chris (Sal S)
I imagine there's, like, foreshadowing in them.
Dan (Wren)
[in unison with Ellie] Ohhhhhh.
Timothy (DM)
Anyways, these two doors are now open, they're unlocked.
Chris (Sal S)
If we run into any mud men, then we'll know.
Timothy (DM)
The one behind you never closed this time.
Chris (Sal S)
Because of the door.
Ellie (Markie)
Because we're geniuses. How many pitons do you have?
Chris (Sal S)
I have 10.
Ellie (Markie)
Okay, great. Well, hopefully there are less than 10 situations. [Tim laughs] Okay, want to do our door maneuver again, it was so successful last time.
Dan (Wren)
Yep, yep, got it. [in unison with Ellie] 3-2-1. *HHHHEUGH*
Timothy (DM)
You both open these doors. Very anticlimactically, you see two hallways; one leads to the left, one leads to the right, both of them have a door on the other side of the hallway, and BOTH of them have another door leading backwards. [Chris and Dan: "Hmmmmm"].
Ellie (Markie)
Well, basically, arbitrarily, we went left last time, so we could go right this time?
Dan (Wren)
Do we go backwards or straight?
Ellie (Markie)
I think keep going straight.
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, forward.
Ellie (Markie)
BECUASE... I'm trying to mentally visualize this.... Like, if we go back, does it just lead to the other option of the one that we were last in, right?
Chris (Sal S)
I don't know.
Ellie (Markie)
Because like if... [Dan:" Oh, 'cause like"] right? Because like...
Chris (Sal S)
Oh, they go back like they're a nest, a net?
Dan (Wren)
It's almost like... it's almost like a... what's it called? What's the... that's the thing you call you do in sports? You make a--
Chris (Sal S)
A net?
Ellie (Markie)
A bracket?
Dan (Wren)
A bracket! It feels like a bracket, yeah. [Tim and Dan laugh]
Timothy (DM)
[laughing] It's a bracket, oh fuck my life.
Dan (Wren)
[laughing] A bracket of rooms.
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah, you're right.
Ellie (Markie)
[drawing a schematic away from the mic] Yeah, so it like this...[uncomprehensible] and then it... and then so this... Like, right? Because if you're coming out the store, but then there's also an option to go back and that is just, like, whatever... [Chris: "Yeah." Dan: "Yeah, that makes sense"] I'm drawing for the... for our listeners at home, I'm drawing like a fervid idiot. [all laugh]
Timothy (DM)
Yeah, it's starting to hit.
Dan (Wren)
[looking at Tim] Who builds this many trap room?!?
Ellie (Markie)
Oh my god, this is insane?!?
Timothy (DM)
[slyly] Who does this?
Ellie (Markie)
Someone with a LOT of time on their hands.
Chris (Sal S)
Y'know, like a few hundred years.
Timothy (DM)
[laughing] Where are you going? Right or left?
Dan (Wren)
We're going right, and we're going forward.
Ellie (Markie)
Right, forward.
Timothy (DM)
Right, forward. All right. The door is unlocked.
Ellie (Markie)
Great. We block it open again. Wedge it open. Again right?
Timothy (DM)
You wedge it open, put your piton in. [Ellie and Dan: "Pit-tonnnn!"] You can see another 20 by 20 foot room, very nondescript, and nothing else. Just a door on the other side.
Chris (Sal S)
Seems like a trap.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, because there's nothing to do once we get in there.
Dan (Wren)
"Let me see if I can find anything," and I want to look for traps. [laughs]
Ellie (Markie)
Well, I mean, we wedged the door open, so we can always go back and try the other route [Chris: "Yeah"] if there's nothing in here.
Dan (Wren)
I'm worried about ground plates, like, pressure plates.
Timothy (DM)
Give me an Investigation roll.
Ellie (Markie)
What kind of life have you lead, where you're worried about pressure plate?
Dan (Wren)
You KNOW what... [laughs]
Ellie (Markie)
--I've never stumbled across a pressure plate in my entire life and I've lived here my entire life. [Chris and Ellie laugh]
Dan (Wren)
A 15.
Timothy (DM)
A 15, you start to inspect the floor. None of the stones seem to be particularly uneven or discolored or have any mechanisms associated with them. Nothing on the walls either; they are (again) plaster walls.
Ellie (Markie)
Anything on the ceiling?
Timothy (DM)
Ceiling is plaster. Plain plaster. Smooth. No cracks, crevices, any indications of a trap.
Chris (Sal S)
I think this is a hall of violence [?]
Timothy (DM)
--besides, like, the door situation that's pretty obvious.
Right? But we've--
[laughs] but y'all figured that out
Ellie (Markie)
--circumnavigated that. "Well, maybe I can just go over and try the door on the other side. Maybe it's unlocked."
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah, fingers crossed.
Dan (Wren)
Just an empty room. Just didn't... never, never finished the puzzle on this.
Chris (Sal S)
It was like "Yeahhh..."
Ellie (Markie)
That! That is the puzzle: is that we're going crazy, [Dan laughs] while the door across the way has been unlocked the whole time, so I'm just gonna go try the other door across the way.
Timothy (DM)
Alright, so Markie goes over, across the way [Ellie: *doo-doo-doo-doo*] to try the door, and they pull the door handle. It's locked [Ellie: "Ah."]. And that's when you hear behind you [Ellie: "AH!"] this SCREECHING of metal as the door behind you ATTEMPTS to close... unable to do so.
Ellie (Markie)
HAHA! We're geniuses.
Timothy (DM)
--And on each of the walls, something begins to glow.
Ellie (Markie)
I... can I run out of the room, evacuating it?!? [all laugh]
Timothy (DM)
They're numbers. [Ellie: "Oh."] Right of where you came in: the number '1'; the door you came in from: there is a '2'; then a '3'; and the door that you're attempting to go through, the wall says "Break me."
Ellie (Markie)
[gesturing to the boys] Would anybody like to punch through the wall?
Dan (Wren)
[laughing] I am NOT the person to do that.
Ellie (Markie)
[laughing] I am also not the person to do that.
Chris (Sal S)
[high and mighty] So, it falls upon Salvador with his 13 modifying Strength [Dan and Ellie laugh] to punch through a wall. Is this plaster or is this stone?
Timothy (DM)
The wall's plaster.
Chris (Sal S)
I'm going to attempt to hit this wall with my battleaxe.
Timothy (DM)
Alright, give me--
Dan (Wren)
[fake impressed] Ohh, battleaxe.
Ellie (Markie)
[real surprised] You have... you've had a battleaxe this WHOLE time? [Dan and Tim laugh]
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah! I was gonna use it to, like, get, like... if the door was overgrown, I was gonna chop away the vines but.... I mean--
Timothy (DM)
They're a cleric, duh! [Chris: "Yeah!", Ellie: "Oh, right!"] They always have DEADLY weapons on them like maces and shit.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, got it, got it.
Chris (Sal S)
I actually use this for gardening. [Tim laughs]
Dan (Wren)
I literally just carry a dagger on me, and that's... that's practically it. [Tim laughs]
Ellie (Markie)
I got two daggers, but I've never had to use them for anything. I just use them to gesture while I'm telling stories; it gives me an air of danger and intrigue.
Chris (Sal S)
It's like your pointer; it's like a very short pointer.
Ellie (Markie)
[gesturing with the daggers] Ah! Ah!!
Timothy (DM)
Give me a damage roll.
Chris (Sal S)
8.
Timothy (DM)
8, cool. You nick some of the plaster off, and you realize it's not stone underneath like you would have expected. You can continue to hit it
Chris (Sal S)
"You guys can get in on this, too!" and I start... I keep whacking at the wall.
Dan (Wren)
[avoiding responsibility] I'll just... I'll check out the numbers. [laughs]
Timothy (DM)
You keep whacking at the wall, and finally you break a small hole. You can see into a hallway on the other side. It is stone masonry with flagstone floor, and there are more torches, and this hallway goes to the right and left quite significantly further, and there are many doors.
Chris (Sal S)
But there's not a door directly across from us.
Timothy (DM)
There is. [Chris: "Okay."]
Ellie (Markie)
And do... as you break through the hole...Well, Markie comes over and looks over your shoulder... [realizing Markie's short] under your arm, more likely... Can you see the door that we're busting a hole next to that goes back into this room? [Tim: "Mmhm"] Okay, and the hallway..., well so there's one door, so I guess it's not another, like, split situation. Great job, Sal!
Chris (Sal S)
Thumbs up.
Ellie (Markie)
I can tell you're really... probably repressing something... [laughs]
Chris (Sal S)
I'm just... I try... yeah. [Tim laughs]
Ellie (Markie)
--the way that you went at that wall. [laughs]
Chris (Sal S)
*HEUGHH, HHWEUGH*
Timothy (DM)
And you probably keep going at it because you need to break a hole in it big enough for you to step through. [Chris: "Yeah"] That door does not unlock.
Chris (Sal S)
We've got 5' to 6' tall people here.
Ellie (Markie)
And me!
Timothy (DM)
And you eventually break through the fourth wall! [smiles and laughs maniacally] [Editor's Note: the "fourth wall" is a performance convention in which an invisible, imaginary wall separates actors from the audience.]
Ellie (Markie)
AAAAA.
Chris (Sal S)
OHHHH.
Dan (Wren)
I HATE it. I absolutely hate it.
Chris (Sal S)
We look at all the viewers, and they all clap.
Ellie (Markie)
Oh my god. Oh, wow, yeah.
Dan (Wren)
I make eye contact with you: the listener.
Ellie (Markie)
Timothy is STANDING in the hall.
Chris (Sal S)
WHUH! What's that over your shoulder?
Dan (Wren)
And don't look out the window.
Timothy (DM)
WHO made this dungeon?
Ellie (Markie)
The DM!
Timothy (DM)
I shrug. [laughs] Uh, yeah, so you break through.
Ellie (Markie)
And how many doors are there in this...?
Timothy (DM)
So, there are four doors on the other side of the hallway, two on the same side of the hallway, including the one that you just broke a hole next to.
Ellie (Markie)
Okay, so we know where that one... So, I think that our bracket theory is probably right.
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, so we have four options moving forward. [Tim: "Mmhm"]
Ellie (Markie)
We could just check in all of them, and see which one looks coolest.
Dan (Wren)
It's true. Nothing's stopped us so far.
Ellie (Markie)
Or most productive, I guess. I'm sorry. Sometimes I forget that you guys are trying to, like, solve a mystery here, and I'm just having an **epic** time. [Chris laughs]
Dan (Wren)
We could do three doors at the same time?
Chris (Sal S)
Sure.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah.
Dan (Wren)
1, 2, 3, left to right?
Chris (Sal S)
[to the cat] Twilight, what do you think about this?
Ellie (Markie)
[to the cat] Twilight! Can you open a door? [to Wren] Can Twilight open the door?
Dan (Wren)
No. [Ellie laughs] I don't know why we're still on about this.
Timothy (DM)
Twiight does not have opposable thumbs.
Chris (Sal S)
What if we... what if we sat them on top of it, like, their belly's on the knob, and then--?
Ellie (Markie)
And now here's a question: are they, like, lever handles? Or are they, like, knob handles?
Timothy (DM)
Knobs. [Ellie: "Ach"]
Chris (Sal S)
Well, you still put them on the knob and then like if they... we tie a rope to the... nevermind, it's too complicated.
Ellie (Markie)
Let's do the first three.
Dan (Wren)
[passive aggressive] Can you not use my cat as a tool? That'd be great. [laughs]
Chris (Sal S)
As you wish.
Timothy (DM)
Alright., is there a preference on which one is NOT being opened?
Dan (Wren)
The last one, the farthest, right?
Chris (Sal S)
The fourth door on the right.
Timothy (DM)
On the right?
Ellie (Markie)
Unless... Is there anything, like, different about these four doors?
Dan (Wren)
Oh, yeah, that's fair.
Timothy (DM)
Yeah, no, they're all wooden iron-reinforced doors, no peepholes, small cracks at the bottom--
Ellie (Markie)
No light shining from underneath?
Timothy (DM)
--Where you can see that they are lit in the room on the other side.
Ellie (Markie)
No, no noises coming from under them?
Timothy (DM)
Weirdly, there are torches throughout this ENTIRE dungeon and they are ALL lit.
Ellie (Markie)
And you know what's funny is that that big cloud of dust when we opened the trapdoor, there must be a different way into the dungeon on the other end and somebody just comes through, and they, like, reset all of this every time. Do you think they fixed the wall? [Chris: "Maybe, they got Mending"] The plasterer? Do you guys know any evil plasterers?
Chris (Sal S)
Mmm, oh, yeah, I see--
Timothy (DM)
[laughing] WHO says this is an EVIL dungeon? [Ellie and Tim laugh]
Ellie (Markie)
There's just a construction crew that comes in--
Dan (Wren)
A test of skill.
Ellie (Markie)
--and they're like "Oh my god... Oh, they broke the fourth wall again. Great! Now we got to fix the fourth wall!"
Chris (Sal S)
Well, this is probably great for them because they always have a steady reliable income of, of work.
Ellie (Markie)
How many people are wandering into this cottage?
Chris (Sal S)
[backpedalling] I mean...
Dan (Wren)
Probably not too many with the amount of dust we kicked up.
Chris (Sal S)
Maybe... or the dust is, like, imported, and it's just, like, on a cannon and it--
Ellie (Markie)
Oh, they reset the dust.
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah.
Ellie (Markie)
Sure, they use a little flour sifter *chh-chh-chh-chh-chh* [all laugh]
Timothy (DM)
Oh my gosh. [sighs]
Ellie (Markie)
Alright, so let's open the first three doors? [Tim: "All right"] See what we see.
Chris (Sal S)
So, 1-2-3?
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah.
Dan (Wren)
I'll take 3.
Chris (Sal S)
2.
Ellie (Markie)
[counting down] Duh-duh-duh.
Dan (Wren)
3- [*FHWAP, as Sal open his doors*] 2-1.
Ellie (Markie)
SAL! [all laugh]
Chris (Sal S)
[abashed because he misunderstood what Wren said] I thought we were going--! I thought you were just counting... ok.
Timothy (DM)
Sal opens the door FIRST, so I will read you what Sal's door has inside it FIRST.
Chris (Sal S)
Sorry, I can't count. "Who-who's counting? We couldn't figure... [to Wren] You don't know letters; I don't know numbers."
Dan (Wren)
Canonical.
Ellie (Markie)
I don't know anything... [Dan laughs] [sagely] Except that I know nothing.
Chris (Sal S)
And that's the wisest thing to know of all.
Timothy (DM)
Sal, as you open the door, you see two main things. The first one is that there is a pile of iron spikes in the center of the room. [Chris: "Perfect."] [smiling] On the other side of this pile of iron spikes are two creatures with spiky spines and big singular eyeballs that take up *mmm* 90% of the real estate on their face. [Chris: "Mm, ok"] You can see long, slender tongues kind of hang out, and against that backdrop sharp fangs.
Chris (Sal S)
I closed the door. [Ellie and Tim laugh] "Sorry, gang, I... we'll do it on the... three again."
Dan (Wren)
2-1 [all laugh]
Ellie (Markie)
"Buh!" Markie opens the door. [laughs]
Dan (Wren)
We open our doors.
Timothy (DM)
Alright, [to Chris] are you going to the fourth door to do that?
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah, I'll do on the fourth door.
Timothy (DM)
Cool. So, we're gonna read these one by one [Ellie: "Great"] again. We will start with Wren. So, Wren, in the middle of the room, you see a table with a crystal ball on it. You also see four floating scaly creatures with tentacles extending from the tops of their heads. One of them is facing you, and you see a large singular eyeball taking about 50% of the real estate of its face up.
Dan (Wren)
Wren will slowly close the door. [Ellie and Dan laugh]
Timothy (DM)
Markie, your room has a ladder in it and scrawled in what appears to be blood or something of that color "Don't lose your head." That's it...
Ellie (Markie)
All right, Markie keeps the door open. [Ellie and Dan laugh]
Timothy (DM)
In Salvador's room, a toppled statue in the northeast corner, and you can hear weeping on the other side of a far door, and that is all.
Ellie (Markie)
Alright, team, so I think probably either the ladder room or the statute room.
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, I had scaly tentacle creatures floating in the air.
Chris (Sal S)
I had spiky eyeball creatures on the ground. [Wren: "Yep."]
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, no creatures for us today, thanks. [Dan and Tim laugh]
Chris (Sal S)
Well, there's somebody also crying in this room, or on the other side of this room.
Dan (Wren)
And 'Don't lose your head' is ominous at best.
Ellie (Markie)
In blood, too, so...
Dan (Wren)
Could be red paint. It's probably not red paint. It's probably blood; you're probably right.
Chris (Sal S)
You're a doctor, you'd know.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah.
Dan (Wren)
Yeah. Does it pool like...?
Ellie (Markie)
Does it have the viscosity of blood?
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, does it have... from afar, can I tell the viscosity of the red liquid?
Ellie (Markie)
--the way it dries? [Chris laughs]
Timothy (DM)
So, you go over to Markie's door and you peer in--
Ellie (Markie)
Hey, take a gander at this, doc.
Timothy (DM)
--you peer in, and you see that it's dripping as if it was applied in liquid form, and little bits of it has pooled in just small puddles at the bottom, how, where it has dried.
Dan (Wren)
Would I be able to tell if that's what blood... like it... does it acting like blood?
Timothy (DM)
Whatever it was, it is dry now.
Dan (Wren)
Oh. You know how blood dries like a brownish color? Does it have that?
Timothy (DM)
Yeah, it's like a brown-red, iron-y.
Ellie (Markie)
I think statue because if we figure out who's crying, maybe they can answer some questions for us.
Dan (Wren)
That's fair. I agree with that.
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah.
Ellie (Markie)
Or, it might be a trick, but...
Chris (Sal S)
Is the statute broken, did you say?
Timothy (DM)
It's just toppled over.
Chris (Sal S)
Oh, it's just toppled.
Ellie (Markie)
And what's the statute of? Sorry.
Timothy (DM)
It's a robed woman... or a robed figure with long hair.
Ellie (Markie)
Well, let's wedge both doors open. [Chris: "Sure."] Keep our options open. Let's start with the statue room?
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, that sounds good. Yeah, I like that.
Ellie (Markie)
Okay, great. Let's go into the Statue Room. I think... I mean first of all, stand the statue back up?
Chris (Sal S)
Sure.
Dan (Wren)
How big is the statue? [laughs]
Ellie (Markie)
That's true. [laughing] The three of us, like, scrawny little idiots stand there, like, looking at each other. [Dan laughs]
Timothy (DM)
It's about 6' tall, so close to real life depiction of a human [Dan: "Mmhm"] but larger... slightly larger than life.
Ellie (Markie)
Is there anything in the room? Is it like plaster walls, plaster ceiling, one door across?
Timothy (DM)
Weirdly enough, it is black-and-white tiled floor.
Chris (Sal S)
Oh! This is a chessboard.
Ellie (Markie)
With only one person. [Tim laughs]
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah.
Dan (Wren)
Let's set up the statue, I guess.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah. Is there, like, a pedestal or anything that the statue...
Timothy (DM)
No, its base has fallen with it. It's attached to its base.
Ellie (Markie)
Well, can we tip it upright? [Chris grunts]
Timothy (DM)
All right, everybody give me a Strength check.
Ellie (Markie)
Haha!
Dan (Wren)
12.
Chris (Sal S)
Natural 20.
Ellie (Markie)
Nat 1, no modifier. [all laugh]
Dan (Wren)
I have a -1 modifier. [laughs]
Ellie (Markie)
Markie's not doing fucking anything. She can't help at ALL. [laughs]
Timothy (DM)
Uh, Salvador gets to show off this type.
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, we, like, try and be like 'Oh! You... oh! you got it.' [all laugh]
Ellie (Markie)
Salvador... amon-- in a kingdom of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. That's really what we're getting at with Salvdor here. [Tim laughs]
Chris (Sal S)
Salvador's really flexing for the people that are watching this trial.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, Salvador is like 'Who's the cutest? WHO is the cutest?'
Chris (Sal S)
Definitely the manliest... the brawniest!
Timothy (DM)
All right, and you upright the statue. The crying still continues.
Chris (Sal S)
Do we get a better look at the statue? Like we just see the same as we did when it was horizontal?
Timothy (DM)
Yeah, when you get a look of it, you recognize it as a standard depiction of Voluptia.
Chris (Sal S)
Mmmm! Yeah, goddess of beauty... and other things.
Dan (Wren)
Of voluptuousness.
Timothy (DM)
Voluptia teaches her followers that pleasure is the purpose in life.
Ellie (Markie)
And no click from the door across...? Oh! I'm just gonna go check the far door and make sure it is actually locked. This is Markie's running theory. [Dan laughs]
Timothy (DM)
You open the door. It is unlocked.
Ellie (Markie)
It's unlocked?!?
Timothy (DM)
It is unlocked.
Chris (Sal S)
We're just doing good deeds.
Ellie (Markie)
I am so glad I checked, guys, [Dan laughs] because we would've spent SO long in here just the manhandling this statue.
Chris (Sal S)
It's like 'I move the statue across the room.'
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, it's like, 'Oh, well, we gotta get it to the end of the chessboard, like drag it across the...' Great. What's behind the unlocked door?
Timothy (DM)
Another hallway. [laughs]
Chris (Sal S)
Oh, that would be great use for ball bearings, though. [Ellie: "Oh yeah."]
Timothy (DM)
Except this time, it kind of extends off towards the direction you've been traveling with one door to the right, one door to the left at the end of the hall.
Ellie (Markie)
And the weeping?
Timothy (DM)
Seemingly behind you now.
Dan (Wren)
[joking] It's IN the doorframe.
Chris (Sal S)
I tap... I knock on the door frame. Does it sound hollow or filled?
Timothy (DM)
[laughing] It sounds like a wooden door that's iron-reinforced and not hollow.
Ellie (Markie)
Markie paces back and forth, like, through the doorway, like, five feet on either side, trying to, like, localize.
Timothy (DM)
And as you do so, the sound continues to be in front of you, behind you, in front of you, behind you, in front of you, behind you.
Chris (Sal S)
Is it up or down?
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah.
Timothy (DM)
It's almost as if you're passing THROUGH it. [Chris: "Mmm."]
Ellie (Markie)
This was a sneaky little something. [Chris: "Maybe"] Maybe we should cry.
Chris (Sal S)
I can't cry on command.
Ellie (Markie)
Me either...Wait! Yeah, I can! Actually, I'm really good at performance.
Chris (Sal S)
Oh yeah, you have Dragon Tears! Yeah.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, can I [laughing] cry a little bit?
Timothy (DM)
[laughing] Yeah, give me a Performance check.
Chris (Sal S)
Doesn't it make you... like, people pity you?
Timothy (DM)
Oh, you also have Grovel.
Ellie (Markie)
Dragon's Tear? No... oh, I have Grovel. Yeah, I... Yeah, ok. Great, that is an 18+7. [Dan and Chris laugh]
Chris (Sal S)
Wow, so, you were being humble!
Ellie (Markie)
I just, like, collapse on the ground. It is genuinely, like, distressing, I'm sure.
Timothy (DM)
She's flung on the ground. She's in the most pitiful bout of tears to the point that, like, you two are not sure if this is an act or if she has broken down because of the absurdity of this fucking dungeon.
Chris (Sal S)
Wren, Wren, do you think that they're...
Dan (Wren)
Is she okay? I... No, I can't tell.
Chris (Sal S)
I-I've only known her for, like, a day. Less than a day.
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, um, oh!
Ellie (Markie)
I stop crying and listen to see if the crying... anything changed about the other crying.
Timothy (DM)
[laughing] The crying continues.
Ellie (Markie)
Sorry, guys. That's it for me. *wipe wipe*.
Dan (Wren)
It was impressive.
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah. I... 10 out of 10.
Ellie (Markie)
Thanks. It comes in handy more often than you'd think.
Dan (Wren)
I imag-- Yeah, I can believe that.
Ellie (Markie)
So!
Dan (Wren)
Right and left door, I guess.
Ellie (Markie)
Again, is there any, like, difference between any... do we... should we open both and check?
Dan (Wren)
Oh, yeah, I guess I can continue to--
Chris (Sal S)
That's our standard protocol, yeah.
Ellie (Markie)
Sal, why don't you stay back 'cause I think you've proven you don't know how to open doors in synchronization with other people.
Chris (Sal S)
I know how to c--... I know how to count. [Tim laughs]
Dan (Wren)
No, it's... it's okay, you don't... lets--
Ellie (Markie)
Well, I don't think you do. You don't know how to count. It's fine.
Dan (Wren)
Let us do the heavy work.
Ellie (Markie)
It's not a big deal, don't worry about it.
Chris (Sal S)
FINE! I guard the door.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, guard the door. See if anything happens with the crying.
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah, I'll keep an ear out for the crying.
Dan (Wren)
All right. [in unison with Ellie] 3-2-1.
Ellie (Markie)
Shoot!
Timothy (DM)
All right. Sal's door, on the left.
Ellie (Markie)
No, Wren's door.
Timothy (DM)
[laughing] Wren's door, on the left. [all laugh]
Ellie (Markie)
Sal doesn't GET a door. Sal isn't responsible enough for a door.
Chris (Sal S)
My door is open.
Dan (Wren)
Sal is doorless.
Timothy (DM)
On the left, there is a door that Wren has opened. You see a stone room with a slit along the ground, maybe two inches deep that runs the length of the room along the center line.
Dan (Wren)
Is there a door on the opposite side?
Timothy (DM)
There's a door to the right along the slit, at one end of the slit. There's also a door to the left on the other end of the slit. In Markie's room, another table with a crystal ball on it.
Ellie (Markie)
Doors? Creatures?
Timothy (DM)
No, no door, actually. No creatures.
Ellie (Markie)
No door in this one.
Dan (Wren)
Two doors in this one.
Ellie (Markie)
Wow; somebody's getting fired. [Ellie and Dan laugh] Alright, well, let's do the one with the doors, I guess.
Chris (Sal S)
You're not curious about the crystal in that it might reveal some information?
Ellie (Markie)
Is that your experience with crystals?
Chris (Sal S)
Uh, I did have an interesting experience with a floating one. That's probably the only interaction I've had with gems.
Dan (Wren)
People have just paid a lot for them in my experience.
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah.
Ellie (Markie)
We could tried both.
Dan (Wren)
That's true, which would be first?
Ellie (Markie)
I mean, I guess the doorless one first since once we go into the one that doors we're, like, continuing.
Dan (Wren)
That's true. Fair enough.
Ellie (Markie)
Sal, you're so enthusiastic about the crystal.
Chris (Sal S)
I will dash in! How many... how many rooms have I... I have jammed open 1-2-3-4, I'm probably down to, like, half of my pitons, so...
Ellie (Markie)
All right. Well, we can always go back and grab some iron spikes from the iron spike room with the creatures. [Dan: "Sure, Yeah.] If we really need them.
Dan (Wren)
I'm not doing it!
Chris (Sal S)
So, yeah, I'll... Sal will walk into the crystal room, and what's the crystal ball's deal?
Timothy (DM)
It is a clear crystal ball sitting on a stand made of brass on a stone table.
Chris (Sal S)
[in a fortune teller's accent, moving his hands] 'Crystal crystal, what do you see? Tell me the future, tell it to me.'
Ellie (Markie)
[in awe of Sal's showmanship] Wow.
Timothy (DM)
It sits on the table. There is no response.
Chris (Sal S)
Sorry, I thought that'd work. I saw it in a... in a book once.
Ellie (Markie)
No worries. No worries. As good as try-- as good as guess as any, honestly.
Chris (Sal S)
Should we take it with us?
Ellie (Markie)
Eh, do you want it?
Dan (Wren)
How heavy is it? I try and pick it up.
Timothy (DM)
Wren grabs the crystal ball--
Ellie (Markie)
You're getting cursed dude. [laughs]
Timothy (DM)
And Salvador and Markie, you see him get sucked into it.
Ellie (Markie)
Bye, Wren! [all laugh]
Timothy (DM)
And Wren appears in the other room [Chris: "Ohhh] that had the crystal ball in it.
Dan (Wren)
Oh, no!
Ellie (Markie)
With the creatures?!?
Dan (Wren)
[laughs] Yeah, apparently.
Timothy (DM)
With the four floating creatures and the tentacles coming out of their heads. I need everybody to roll initiative. [all laugh]
Ellie (Markie)
Oh, boy.
Dan (Wren)
16.
Chris (Sal S)
18.
Timothy (DM)
All right. And Markie?
Ellie (Markie)
16.
Timothy (DM)
[intrigued] Ohhhh.
Ellie (Markie)
I have a 2 to Dex. Do you have... what's your armor--?
Dan (Wren)
I also have 2 to Dex.
Ellie (Markie)
Well, I guess we gotta arm wrestle.
Timothy (DM)
Cool, Salvador, you have just seen Wren get sucked into the crystal. What do you do?
Chris (Sal S)
I look into the crystal. What do I see?
Timothy (DM)
You don't see anything [laughs, Chris: "Oh, god"] in the crystal. It is a clear crystal ball.
Chris (Sal S)
Markie, do you think... do you think that he's actually inside the crystal?
Ellie (Markie)
I'm positive that's the case. That has to be it.
Chris (Sal S)
I-I can't see him, though. I would... I would think that there'd be something.
Ellie (Markie)
I don't know about magic stuff. Do YOU know about magic stuff?
Chris (Sal S)
I know tangentially--
Ellie (Markie)
You seemed like the guy who knew about the crystals.
Chris (Sal S)
Can I do an Arcana check to, like...
Timothy (DM)
Yeah, give me an Arcana check.
Chris (Sal S)
Okay, I hope I do well. I'm reasonably intelligent. That's a 7. So, no, I don't know.
Timothy (DM)
7. You're like 'Mmm, crystal balls are usually used for divination. What the fuck is this one?'
Chris (Sal S)
"That didn't work, 'cause I said the right words!" Okay, well, I pick up the thing off of the stand.
Timothy (DM)
Alright, Markie, [Ellie: "BAH!"] it's your turn. You've just seen Salvador get sucked into the crystal ball, right after Wren, and it has dropped to the floor.
Ellie (Markie)
Did it break at all or crack or anything?
Timothy (DM)
It has not, but--
Ellie (Markie)
*sigh of relief* Good thing this thing is robust.
Timothy (DM)
--it did have a pretty terrifying clink when it hit the stones.
Ellie (Markie)
*panicked yelp* [Chris and Dan laugh] My friends' souls are in there!
Chris (Sal S)
Well, time to go home.
Ellie (Markie)
Well...shit. Like, trying not to metagame I don't think Markie would touch it after seeing two people sucked into it. [Chris and Dan: "Yeah."] So, like, she's probably... she's, like, 'My friends are strapped inside this ball. I don't know anything about magic. I think I have to get this ball out of here and take it to somebody who is going to be able to solve this problem for me.' So, she's going to use, like...
Dan (Wren)
Soccer it around. [laughs]
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah. Or use your daggers to, like, poke it out the door.
Ellie (Markie)
Like, fashion out of, like, let's see... Oh, she's got a costume. [Tim: "Perfect."] She's gonna use... Oh no! She's gonna pull out her little hat, which is like a bucket hat. [Tim: "Wonderful", Dan laughs] She's gonna gently scoop up, being very careful not to touch it, like sliiiide the hat underneath, so it's, like, sitting. She's just gonna hold it in front of her, walk out into the hallway.
Timothy (DM)
All right, and you start backtracking, and you try to get back to the entrance of the...
Ellie (Markie)
I can't because the... I know the door behind me is locked at some point. Like, if I backtr-- because the first door we didn't prop open and that's locked, right?
Chris (Sal S)
Like, the-the season room.
Ellie (Markie)
Seasons door.
Timothy (DM)
It might have unlocked with the other ones, but you didn't check.
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah, we heard two clicks. So, it might have been muffled with the other two clicks of the two exit doors.
Ellie (Markie)
That's true. Okay, yeah, I'll... the devil I know. I'll start backtracking through all of the various rooms that we went through to try and get out the trapdoor and [tearfully] take my friend's souls to, like, I don't know, the city hall? [Dan laughs]
Chris (Sal S)
Get me to the Department of Magic Spheres!
Dan (Wren)
To Serpent Fang! Serpant Fang will know what to do!
Timothy (DM)
Serpent Fang is gonna know what to do.
Chris (Sal S)
They start pawing it around.
Ellie (Markie)
"Hey, Serpent Fang, can you... is there, like, an extension or a department of, like, crystal globes?" [all laugh] So yeah, that's what Markie is gonna do for right now. I don't know, maybe she'll hear some noise.
Timothy (DM)
So, you get like a room... you get to the previous room, you get back into the hallway before that. Wren, what are you doing? You have just teleported into this room and then Salvador came!
Dan (Wren)
AHH! [looking at the monster] Shit.
Chris (Sal S)
I think we're trapped in the crystal ball.
Timothy (DM)
These things with tentacles on their heads floating with big giant eyeballs (and oh! there's a lot of teeth) are staring at ya.
Dan (Wren)
I... so, I for sure recognize this as the room that I opened.
Timothy (DM)
There's the four creatures that you recognize and the crystal ball that you recognize.
Ellie (Markie)
Unless there's another creature crystal ball room in here.
Dan (Wren)
[laughing] Yeah, I'mma first try and grab that crystal ball again.
Timothy (DM)
[smiling] You grab the crystal ball and *PLOOOP* You're right in front of Markie.
Ellie (Markie)
AH!
Chris (Sal S)
You pop out of the hat.
Ellie (Markie)
AHHHHHH! WREN! [Dan laughs] Oh my god. You gave me a heart attack. I'm gonna die. [Chris and Tim laugh]
Dan (Wren)
I'm gonna not say anything, but use my action to Dash to go to the door, where I know that Sal is in and just like holler into the door: "Touch to the orb again." [Ellie laughs]
Timothy (DM)
All right, you holler. You can hear some sort of commotion on the other side. Probably Sal. Sal, you hear him yell, but it is now [Chris: "The monsters"] the monsters' turn.
Ellie (Markie)
Oh, Sal.
Chris (Sal S)
I'll be fine. I'm beefy. I have 18 AC.
Ellie (Markie)
As you've proven over and over again.
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, liftin' that whole statue up by yourself.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, busti'n a few walls and the statue.
Timothy (DM)
Um, you see four VERY, VERY terrifying eyes lock on you like a target.
Chris (Sal S)
[narrows eyes] Come at me, Four-Eyes.
Timothy (DM)
And colorful rays start to burst from their eyeballs. [laughs] Right at you.
Ellie (Markie)
Oh, Sal. Get those steppin' feet on.
Timothy (DM)
*Ohwahhh* Okay, we've got some dice to roll. So, first one is going to shoot rays... two rays at you! I am going to need you to make a Dexterity saving throw, and a Wisdom saving throw.
Chris (Sal S)
18 and 16.
Timothy (DM)
All right. Second one. I'm going to need you to me a Strength saving throw
Chris (Sal S)
5.
Timothy (DM)
And a Wisdom saving throw.
Chris (Sal S)
14.
Timothy (DM)
All right.
Chris (Sal S)
No, 16.
Timothy (DM)
You are thrown into the wall across the room. [Chris: *BWAH*, Ellie: "Oh"] That's the effect of that.
Chris (Sal S)
I'm on the ground.
Timothy (DM)
Not knocked prone according to this.
Chris (Sal S)
Oh, so I'm just push-- it's like a Tilt-a-Whirl. and you're just... ok.
Timothy (DM)
You're just pushed into the wall, and you're like *WOOOF* Yeah, great. Uhhh, I need to make a next... another Dexterity saving throw and another Wisdom saving throw.
Wow, I'm just running the gambit. [Ellie: "Oh god."]
Chris (Sal S)
That's a Natural 20 [Ellie: "Woo!"] on the first one, and that's a Wisdom? 6.
Timothy (DM)
All right. As you are hit by another ray, you've become charmed.
Dan (Wren)
Oh no. [laughs]
Timothy (DM)
Your speed is halved.
Chris (Sal S)
That's fine.
Ellie (Markie)
This is not a very big room.
Timothy (DM)
--and you have disadvantage on attack rolls. [Chris: "Okay."] And then there's the fourth one! [Dan and Ellie laugh] Which is going to be a Dexterity saving throw with disadvantage.
Chris (Sal S)
Is that 'cause I'm charmed? Or...
Timothy (DM)
Yes. [Chris: "Okay."] And another Wisdom saving throw.
Chris (Sal S)
So, that's gonna be a 10 for the Dex and then wisdom is 7.
Timothy (DM)
All right. You are going to take some cold damage as your body gets very chilly. 12 cold damage. [Chris: "Ok."] And you remain charmed because that one was also a charm. [Chris: "Okay."] So, you're charmed a second time!
Chris (Sal S)
Does the charm... Is it like Charm, or is it like Friends, where like, if they attack me, it drops or this is, like, permanent?
Timothy (DM)
It would drop if they attacked, but this one hit you with a second charming ray.
Chris (Sal S)
Ok, so it's the same.
Ellie (Markie)
So, you were like uncharmed for like two seconds and then charmed back again.
Timothy (DM)
You were unchamred and charmed immediately afterwards. As you hear Wren calling on the other side of the door, Salvador. [Dan muffled yells]
Chris (Sal S)
I rush towards that orb, and I touch it.
Timothy (DM)
All right. You get to the orb. You grab it, and *blup-oop*.
Ellie (Markie)
AAH!
Timothy (DM)
You're in front of Markie and behind Wren.
Chris (Sal S)
I'm iced over.
Ellie (Markie)
I dropped the hat with the globe in it.
Dan (Wren)
[muffled, yelling into the door] Touch the door! Touch-- [turning around] Oh, oh, hi!
Chris (Sal S)
Thanks for the advice.
Dan (Wren)
[realizing his mistake] "Touch the door." Touch the orb!
Chris (Sal S)
'It's not working!' Yeah, okay, well, I put a big X on the door with chalk.
Ellie (Markie)
All right. No more globes for us, lads.
Dan (Wren)
Put that down.
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah.
Ellie (Markie)
I already did, I dropped it. As soon as you both came back, I was like "Bye, globe."
Chris (Sal S)
I'm going to use a Cure Wounds on me.
Dan (Wren)
Oh, I can just do that.
Chris (Sal S)
Oh, okay.
Dan (Wren)
[thinking on his offer] Well...
Chris (Sal S)
You don't know me that well.
Dan (Wren)
I have to sp-- I do have to spend a-a thing. [Chris: "Yeah."] So, you probably have more spells than this.
Chris (Sal S)
I've got spell slots to spare.
Dan (Wren)
I'll let you heal yourself. It's fine.
Chris (Sal S)
Okay. I feel like I got just rewards for opting to go into the crystal ball room, so I will definitely default to your leadership now.
Ellie (Markie)
No, no, I liked your spirit of experimentation and adventure.
Dan (Wren)
Even if it was wrong.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah.
Chris (Sal S)
I mean, who's the one that touched the ball first?
Dan (Wren)
That was me. [Chris: "Yeah."] Yeah, I also touched it third, I guess? [Chris: "Yes."] So, like, I figured it out on how to go back...
Chris (Sal S)
Anyway!
Ellie (Markie)
I'm the only one who's innocent here [all laugh] which I think makes you the de facto decision maker for the remainder of the campaign.
Chris (Sal S)
Markie, you know what? I think that's right.
Ellie (Markie)
[immediately rejecting the idea] No, don't give me that responsibility. I don't know anything. I'm dumb as a rock. I have nothing going on up here *ding-dong* [all laugh]
Dan (Wren)
The other room!
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah, the other room, yes.
Ellie (Markie)
With the slot!
Chris (Sal S)
The slot room.
Timothy (DM)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Ellie (Markie)
Except your movement is halved, so we're, like, plodding along.
Chris (Sal S)
Well, how long does that last for? I don't know, so I'm halved until like an hour or so.
Timothy (DM)
Like a minute.
Chris (Sal S)
Ok. So, I'm like... you're waiting for me. I'm, like, really lagging behind.
Timothy (DM)
You're lagging behind and you're like "What the fuck is going on?"
Chris (Sal S)
One of us was--
Ellie (Markie)
I just CAN'T stop thinking about those creatures. There's something about them.
Timothy (DM)
Big golden eyes just glinting in the torchlight.
Ellie (Markie)
You just get LOST in them.
Dan (Wren)
Does Sal pick up a tentacle fetish? Is that we're talking about? [Ellie and Tim laugh, Chris blanches]
Ellie (Markie)
Write it down.
Chris (Sal S)
Ewwww. Gross.
Timothy (DM)
Possibly.
Dan (Wren)
Canonical!
Chris (Sal S)
NOT happening.
Ellie (Markie)
But with the Kraken!
Chris (Sal S)
Oh god.
Timothy (DM)
Alright, so you go into the door with the slit from one end to the other. There is a door to the left, and to the right. To recap, the left will take you in the opposite direction that you have been generally moving.
Ellie (Markie)
So, like, back, yeah.
Timothy (DM)
And the one to the right will take you in the same direction as you've been generally moving.
Ellie (Markie)
Door to the right?
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, let's check it.
Ellie (Markie)
Just... now that it's worked once. Try the door again and see if it's locked.
Timothy (DM)
Who is trying the door?
Ellie (Markie)
I'll try it.
Timothy (DM)
All right. I need you to make a Dexterity saving throw.
Ellie (Markie)
Great. I just--
Chris (Sal S)
I think you have the best Dex.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, that is a 19.
Timothy (DM)
Oh, cool. So, you hear the kind of *ka-shing!* of, like, a metal blade behind you--
Ellie (Markie)
Oh, is the slot in the--
Timothy (DM)
--as a guillotine, like, pendulums across the room and slams into the door, and you are able to step backwards out of the way.
Chris (Sal S)
Oh, you're the smallest!
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, I am smallest, true, actually. Yeah. *phew* [points to guillotine with thumb] "Guillotine." [all laugh]
Dan (Wren)
"We saw." Does it open the door? Does it, like, smash the door open?
Timothy (DM)
It does splinter the wood a bit; seems to be kind of wedged in there now.
Ellie (Markie)
I, still out of the way of, like... I assume it swung, like, along the slot in the floor kind of basically? [Tim: "Yup, exactly"] I'm going to REEEACH over and try the doorknob, standing WELL out of the way of the slot on the door and see if I can open the door.
Timothy (DM)
It's unlocked but with the blade wedged in, it is a little stuck.
Dan (Wren)
[looks at Sal] Okay, muscles, you're up again.
Chris (Sal S)
All right. I can try muscles or I could try to blow this store apart. So, I'll try muscles first.
Dan (Wren)
[taken aback] Blow the door apart?
Chris (Sal S)
[plainly] Clerics know spells.
Dan (Wren)
Ohhhh, right.
Ellie (Markie)
[a la Sesame Street] "Clerics know spells".
Chris (Sal S)
Wren, while you were studying the book... while you were studying the blade (like the medical blade!), I was studying storm spells.
Ellie (Markie)
Oh! You guys are so cool. [Tim laughs] [thinking about her skill set] Would anybody like to laugh? [all laugh] In sort of a painful, upsetting way?
Chris (Sal S)
Tell us like a very bittersweet tale. [Ellie: "Yeah."] So yeah, I'm gonna use my pruner. I'm gonna try to keep, like, whittling away the area around the thing that's stuck into the door.
Timothy (DM)
Yeah. And you can you easily, like, not stand in the, like, pathway of the guillotine in case it were to, like, I don't know, swing back after it gets unstuck. Give me a damage roll.
Chris (Sal S)
[singing] *Doon-doon-doon*. That's a 1+2 is 3.
Timothy (DM)
All right, so this is an activity that has no actual time limit to it. So, you get to start hitting at this door, this time not showing off, like, [Chris: "Yeah"] It's kind of embarrassing this time. I don't know what happened, maybe it has something to do with the fact that you've been, like, frozen, charmed, like--
Chris (Sal S)
Slammed into a wall, mocked.
Timothy (DM)
Slammed into a wall, you're getting a little tired.
Dan (Wren)
We're, like, sitting, we're just, like, checking our nails, being like "I wonder what's happening. Like, he's still going at it".
Timothy (DM)
Uh, but eventually, the guillotine--
Ellie (Markie)
Taking a while, Sal. [Dan laughs]
Timothy (DM)
--does come loose, and the door is freed from being stuck. [Chris: "Yeah."] As you push open, you see a hallway (surprise) that has a door directly across from you, and it continues on and actually wraps left down another hallway.
Ellie (Markie)
I mean, we've been taking the door across from us this whole time, but the fact that it wraps around left is, like, new and unique. Do we stick with our strategy or deviate?
Dan (Wren)
Let's deviate. Let's just have fun.
Ellie (Markie)
Deviate, let's do it! Walk down the hallway that wraps around.
Dan (Wren)
Our strategy hasn't really gotten us anywhere yet.
Ellie (Markie)
I mean, it's gotten us--
Dan (Wren)
In this direction. [Ellie laughs]
Chris (Sal S)
So, I only have... I have one piton left.
Ellie (Markie)
Oh gosh. Okay, well.
Timothy (DM)
Which is very fun because this is a very anticlimactic detour because you round the hallway, and you see it ends at a dead end with no doors on other side.
Ellie (Markie)
Hmmpf.
Dan (Wren)
Huh.
Ellie (Markie)
Well.
Dan (Wren)
Whuh, who does this?!? [Ellie laughs]
Chris (Sal S)
False door?
Ellie (Markie)
If I were... if this were up to me (and maybe I'll come back and make some improvements personally, now that I know this is here) I would put, like, some kind of cool little picture down here like a portrait of somebody or...
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, yeah, why?
Chris (Sal S)
You have that portrait.
Dan (Wren)
[protecting Wesley's photo] I'm not leaving my portrait here!
Ellie (Markie)
What about... think about the next people who come through here how disappointed they're gonna be?
Dan (Wren)
No.
Ellie (Markie)
Okay, very well. Let's backtrack.
Timothy (DM)
All right, do we want to try the one door?
Dan (Wren)
The only door. Yeah, the only door left.
Ellie (Markie)
Actually, Markie is going to leave a... her bar of soap at the end of the dead end [all laugh] just so, like, that the next people who come through here get, like, SOMETHING.
Chris (Sal S)
Do you want to carve your name into it or something or?
Ellie (Markie)
Oh yeah, I do. I-I use the tip of one of my daggers and I write "Markie was here" on my soap. Oh wait, no! I use the soap to, like, mark the wall "Markie was here" and then I leave the soap.
Chris (Sal S)
"Don't lose your head" in soap. [all laugh]
Timothy (DM)
Great.
Ellie (Markie)
I'm improving... I'm improving this dungeon.
Chris (Sal S)
You're cleaning it!
Ellie (Markie)
I should be getting PAID for this. This should be my job.
Timothy (DM)
All right. So, you right 'Markie was here' on the wall in soap. Is it a colored soap? Is it scented?
Ellie (Markie)
I think it's just like a regular whatever soap, like tallow or whatever.
Timothy (DM)
So, it leaves like a little bit of a weird waxy appearance that doesn't really... it's very hard to read, uh and then you place the soap on the ground, and make your way back to the door. Who's opening this door?
Chris (Sal S)
I'll open the door.
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, we don't have to count down any... you'll be able to.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, this door requires no coordination.
Timothy (DM)
There's no coordination necessary. There ALSO wasn't any coordination necessary on ANY of the previous doors.
Chris (Sal S)
AT ALL, yeah!
Ellie (Markie)
We don't know that.
Dan (Wren)
No, no, no, there was. [Tim laughs]
Timothy (DM)
But! You push open this door, Salvador, [Chris: "Yeah."] and inside is a study. There is a loveseat pushed up against one wall to the right, an ornately decorated rug in the center of the room in front of a fireplace, and a lounging chair. There is one door to the right.
Chris (Sal S)
Well, I think we earned a break!
Ellie (Markie)
I know, this is the nicest room we've been in yet! Have a little sit down. [Chris: "Sure."] Unless... do you think it's cursed?
Dan (Wren)
Is the fireplace lit?
Timothy (DM)
Fireplace is lit. [Dan: "Oh!"]
Ellie (Markie)
You sit down on the couch, and you appear on a different couch? [Tim and Dan laugh]
Dan (Wren)
There are monsters.
Chris (Sal S)
Well, I think that chair is very dubious, so I'm not going to sit on it.
Ellie (Markie)
And there's just one door out?
Timothy (DM)
Just one door out to the right.
Ellie (Markie)
I can check if it's locked?
Timothy (DM)
It is not.
Ellie (Markie)
Are there books in here, I'm assuming? It's a study.
Timothy (DM)
There is a small bookshelf.
Ellie (Markie)
What kind of books are on the bookshelf?
Timothy (DM)
Classics.
Chris (Sal S)
Any, like, books that Markie knows, or it it, like, world-renowned classics?
Ellie (Markie)
That Markie wouldn't know about.
Timothy (DM)
Uh, Mary Shelley's "Frankenstein."
Chris (Sal S)
Ok, gotcha.
Dan (Wren)
Pride and Prejudice.
Chris (Sal S)
Car Repair for Dummies.
Timothy (DM)
Whatever the equivalent of that is in this world... and they're all like the color coordinated tomes that are, like, 'Volume 1, 2, 3...' all the way to '20' of the collection of short stories written by so-and-so, whoever.
Dan (Wren)
You know, 'Romano and Julia', that's a classic. [all laugh]
Chris (Sal S)
[to Markie] Door?
Dan (Wren)
Oh yeah, what's behind the door?
Ellie (Markie)
Oh, yeah, if I open the door, is it just a hallway?
Timothy (DM)
You open door? [Ellie: "Yeah."] And there's a stairwell [Ellie: "A stairway!"] leading up.
Dan (Wren)
OhhHHHhh.
Chris (Sal S)
We descend the stairwell. [all laugh]
Ellie (Markie)
We descend the stairwell.
Dan (Wren)
We descend up the stairs.
Timothy (DM)
[sing-songy] Descend up the stairrrrrrs!
Ellie (Markie)
Can we use our last piton to wedge open this door between the stairwell and the study?
Chris (Sal S)
I looked at my last piton--
Ellie (Markie)
We can always come back for [Chris: "Yeah."] if we change our... I just...
Dan (Wren)
You can always get more, too.
Chris (Sal S)
You know, there was that room... the room that I saw had a giant pile of iron spikes in the room with tentacle monsters, so maybe iron spike monsters, but yeah, I'll-I'll watch the thing into the hinge.
Ellie (Markie)
'Cause this just feels too...
Dan (Wren)
Too good.
Chris (Sal S)
Easy.
Dan (Wren)
Too easy.
Ellie (Markie)
Right?
Chris (Sal S)
I mean, I would hardly say this whole trial has been easy, but...
Ellie (Markie)
"I would... I would definitely expect there to be somebody sitting in that cushy chair, like, turn around and they're stroking a cat." I look pointedly at... [points to Twilight] Evening?
Dan (Wren)
Twilight? [all laugh] "If I didn't distrust the chair to teleport me someplace else, then, sure, I'd do that."
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah. But, like, who... where's the mastermind, you know?
Dan (Wren)
Up the stairs maybe? [Chris: "Yeah"] So, let's descend.
Ellie (Markie)
Alright. [all laugh]
Timothy (DM)
So, you descend up the stairs, which end at a trapdoor in the ceiling
Ellie (Markie)
Why are you pointing at me?
Chris (Sal S)
Is it the same trapdoor that we came down? I'd be... I would really be mind boggled if it did.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, me too. That seems spatially improbable.
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah. So, is teleporting, but I don't know.
Timothy (DM)
[laughs] Well...
Dan (Wren)
Have you ever teleported before?
Chris (Sal S)
Just the... just that once, I think.
Ellie (Markie)
With the crystal globe?
Chris (Sal S)
Yes.
Ellie (Markie)
Just now?
Chris (Sal S)
Oh, yes.
Dan (Wren)
Oh, ok.
Chris (Sal S)
Have you teleported?
Dan (Wren)
Yeah.
Chris (Sal S)
When?
Dan (Wren)
I don't know, during the war, once or twice
Chris (Sal S)
To where?
Dan (Wren)
Places that we needed to be.
Ellie (Markie)
Secret.
Chris (Sal S)
Okay, gotcha.
Ellie (Markie)
I open the trapdoor. [Chris and Dan laugh]
Timothy (DM)
Alright, it is unlocked, and it creaks as you open it.
Ellie (Markie)
I poke my little snoot out.
Timothy (DM)
The weight of the door flops down in the grass besides you, and as you peek out, you realize that you are ascending into an overgrown garden. You see tall withered trees extending to the sky all around you, vines wrapped around their bark and growing along the edge of the door. You also notice a grand stone wall, one akin to a castle. And across the way, you see flowers, all at one point were probably astounding to look at, now have become unattended and overgrown. There's a fountain, a pergola, and ginormous stained glass windows along another stone wall and double ornately carved wooden doors.
Ellie (Markie)
Well, it's not the trapdoor we came in. [Chris: "Yep."]
Dan (Wren)
"Well, we're not in Valeria anymore, Twilight." So sorry. [laughs] [Editor's Note: this is homage to a quote from the obscure film "The Wizard of Oz" :)]
Ellie (Markie)
But there is a castle, so [Dan: "It's true."] It's entirely probable we are.
Dan (Wren)
It's.. that's very... are there castles in Valeria?
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah, there's a castle.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, there's Valeria Castle.
Dan (Wren)
Oh, the whole thing's a castle, ok... I just thought it was a city in the wall.
Chris (Sal S)
Well, no, theres--
Ellie (Markie)
Like there's A castle. There's supposed to be. Didn't you see it when you came in? It's famous. If you haven't gone there yet, I highly recommend you do a tour.
Dan (Wren)
I'm sure it was, like, cloudy or something. Anyways...
Ellie (Markie)
So, I guess we emerge into this... Well, do you wanna go get your piton back?
Chris (Sal S)
Uh, no, l'll leave it there. I can always get more.
Ellie (Markie)
We emerge.
Dan (Wren)
We emerge.
Timothy (DM)
You emerge.
Dan (Wren)
So, we're in, like, a courtyard sort of situations. There's walls on either side, all sides of us, right? [Tim: "Yeah."] And there's the double doors.
Ellie (Markie)
Well, have we achieved our objective? [to Wren] Oh, wait, you still does have any memories?
Dan (Wren)
Nope.
Chris (Sal S)
Nope. Well, we are--
Ellie (Markie)
I honestly don't think you lost anything that important.
Chris (Sal S)
Other than... other than looking through a bunch of boxes and getting some chocolate, which you actually have.
Dan (Wren)
Right. It was good, too. Good chocolate. [Ellie: "Yeah"]
Chris (Sal S)
We can always go back to that person and ask where they found it.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, you lost, like, what? Three hours of memories? Five hours of memories.
Dan (Wren)
It's hard for me to tell without those memories.
Ellie (Markie)
That's true. Yeah. Nothing important happened.
Chris (Sal S)
[lying] Oh, you told me the wildest story.
Dan (Wren)
Oh, what about?
Chris (Sal S)
[realizing he can't lie well] About your past...
Dan (Wren)
[not buying it] "Uh huh." [Ellie laughs] Wren looks at you skeptically. [laughs]
Chris (Sal S)
I'm just kidding. I don't know anything about you.
Ellie (Markie)
He doesn't seem like the type.
Dan (Wren)
I'm not the sharing kind.
Ellie (Markie)
"Well, can we go peek..." Well, okay, first of all, Markie, who is pretty familiar with the city... is this a location in the city that Markie would recognize or be able to, like, draw a conclusion about?
Timothy (DM)
Give me an Insight check.
Ellie (Markie)
That is a dirty 20!
Timothy (DM)
With a dirty 20, you recognize the stone: it is Castle Valerian. You've seen it many many times sitting at the top of the city, hanging over you all. You've never been inside, but can be pretty sure this is the same stone.
Ellie (Markie)
And do I know, like, do people live here? Is this, like, a seat of ruling, or is it, like, abandoned?
Timothy (DM)
The lord of Valerian, King Victor Valeria--
Ellie (Markie)
Oh, Victor Valeria.
Timothy (DM)
--is the reigning lord [Ellie: "Okay."] and is supposed to live here.
Ellie (Markie)
Has anybody seen in Victor Valeria in a while?
Timothy (DM)
Yeah. Yeah, he's actively ruling.
Ellie (Markie)
Oh, well, well, well.
Chris (Sal S)
Should we knock on the door? Do you know that people live here?
Ellie (Markie)
Not personally. I see him in parades sometimes. I don't know if we're dressed to knock on that door. We can but like I'm.. it's, like, the-the lord lives here. [Chris: "Oh."] You're don't just, like, show up to the Lord's house and be like, 'Hello. we've traversed a complicated dungeon. [Dan laughs] We almost died many times. It turns out it exits into your garden, which is a security risk that you might want to look into.'
Dan (Wren)
If anything, were helping him.
Ellie (Markie)
That's true.
Chris (Sal S)
We're like the people that hack into businesses and they're like, 'Oh, well, you could pay $100,000; we'll help you not be hacked.'
Dan (Wren)
A secret shopper of sorts. [laughs]
Ellie (Markie)
Okay, I'm convinced.
Chris (Sal S)
Is there a knocker on the door?
Timothy (Moaning Shambler)
There is a knock on the door and a lion carved into the door, which the knocker is hanging from. You knock. You hear an echo across the chamber on the other side, and you wait for a response... when you start to hear something sliding as it has this uneven gait to it and then a moan. "AHHHHHHHH" [all laugh]
Timothy (DM)
[fearful that the party isn't scared] Nooooo!
Chris (Sal S)
A man in a bright red leather jacket jumps out.
Timothy (Moaning Shambler)
"BUAAAAHHHHH"
Ellie (Markie)
Is that coming from inside, or like behind us?
Timothy (DM)
It's coming from inside
Ellie (Markie)
[graciously] Perhaps they're ill.
Chris (Sal S)
When was the last time you saw them in person? [Tim laughs]
Timothy (DM)
There was a parade, like, not even a month ago.
Ellie (Markie)
Like pretty recently, like a month ago.
Timothy (DM)
And there are other people that live here and servants and the whole family and the army guards.
Ellie (Markie)
And the garden shouldn't be this poorly maintained.
Chris (Sal S)
Is this an enclosed garden? Like, there's no other exit other than this door?
Timothy (DM)
There are two sets of doors.
Chris (Sal S)
Oh, so one in and out.
Timothy (DM)
--that lead into the castle.
Chris (Sal S)
Oh, so it's still two doors on one wall, ok.
Timothy (DM)
Yeah.
Dan (Wren)
I mean, timey-wimey nonsense.
Ellie (Markie)
If we are in the future, I'm gonna lose my m--, I mean, we're always going into the future--
Dan (Wren)
[ever the realist] You've probably already lost your job. [Tim and Dan laugh]
Ellie (Markie)
They're like 'And Markie just stopped showing up one day.' [sadly] Oh, but my mom. [sad sounds from Chris and Dan] She doesn't know why I would never have come home.
Chris (Sal S)
[whispers] Oh, no.
Dan (Wren)
[comforting] Well, we can go find her.
Ellie (Markie)
She's very old. Okay, well. I guess let's open... MMMMM, I don't know if I like the sound of that shambling, though.
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, I have experience with shambling beings, and that's what they sound like.
Timothy (DM)
[getting called out] I didn't say "shambling", but, yes--
Dan (Wren)
Sure sounds like shambling!
Timothy (DM)
--it sounds like a shuffle, shamble... I, I think you all have a pretty good idea of what is on the other side of this door.
Chris (Sal S)
How tall are these trees? Do the trees peak above the crenellations of the.. of the courtyard?
Timothy (DM)
No. [Chris: "Okay."]
Ellie (Markie)
What about the other set of doors? Any shambling noises from those? If I scoot over?
Timothy (DM)
Sscoot on over, and give yourself a little listen. No, just silent on the other side of that door.
Ellie (Markie)
No shambling over here guys Shall we... as wrong as this feels, shall we go on in?
Dan (Wren)
There's literally no other way we can go. [Chris and Dan laugh]
Ellie (Markie)
Well, we could try to go back the way we came through the tunnels and traps? [Dan: "Oh, yeah, I guess that's fair. Yeah."] We could try to scale the wall?
Chris (Sal S)
[points to door] I opt for this quiet door.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, I can't scale the wall.
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, lets... let's do the door.
Ellie (Markie)
All right, through the door. Or I guess... is it open? Is it unlocked, the quiet door?
Timothy (DM)
It is unlocked. You turn the doorknob, and you pull it. It's a very heavy door. So, it let's out a louudd loooong groooan as it opens.
Ellie (Markie)
Ugh, so much for subtlety.
Timothy (DM)
The light behind you shines into the dark room. You see several rows of pews facing an altar. There is a door leading out of the room.
Chris (Sal S)
No windows though.
Timothy (DM)
There are the stained glass windows on the wall that the door you just opened [Chris: "Oh, ok"] those also... the light kind of reflect, refracts on the ground.
Ellie (Markie)
And the room is otherwise empty?
Timothy (DM)
Yeah, pretty empty.
Ellie (Markie)
Ever deeper?
Chris (Sal S)
Yep.
Dan (Wren)
Low and slow.
Ellie (Markie)
[unfamiliar with the lingo] What???
Dan (Wren)
Quietly, yeah, sticking to a wall.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, kind of slowly go over to the other set of doors and open them?
Dan (Wren)
Yes, stealthing, I imagine.
Ellie (Markie)
Stealthing, yeah. And maybe listen at the doors before we open them also?
Chris (Sal S)
I have disadvantage.
Dan (Wren)
Are you heavily armored?
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah, I have heavy armor. So, I will stand near the back.
Timothy (DM)
As you make your way over across the room, a gust of wind bursts in, and the large wooden doors begin to rattle.
Ellie (Markie)
[shudders] Fuckin' haunted..
Timothy (DM)
And then calm.
Ellie (Markie)
[trepidly] Okayyyy?
Dan (Wren)
I don't like this, but let'ssss keep going.
Ellie (Markie)
Don't really have another option, and we're out of pitons, so we can't prop them open.
Dan (Wren)
That's true. They're pretty big for pitons.
Ellie (Markie)
We'd need a lot of pitons.
Chris (Sal S)
We'd need a really big... we'd need, like, a-a stanchion or something really durable.
Dan (Wren)
So, listening at the other set of doors and then opening them if, depending on what we hear, I guess.
Timothy (Moaning Whale)
Cool. You go up to this door, and you start to listen. It's quiet at first and then you hear of moaning wail behind you. "WHOOOooOOOaaaAAAA", and as quickly as it came, it fades off to your left. [Dan laughs]
Ellie (Markie)
To our left?
Dan (Wren)
In the room?
Timothy (DM)
It was behind you
Ellie (Markie)
Well, I think as soon as it starts, we, like, whip around.
Chris (Sal S)
Now, it's on our right because we're facing backwards.
Timothy (DM)
Give me Perception rolls as you whip around.
Dan (Wren)
16.
Ellie (Markie)
15.
Chris (Sal S)
13.
Timothy (DM)
Everybody but Sal, as you whip around, you notice a trail of blue smoke moving towards the left wall that kind of spins and eddies before dissipating.
Dan (Wren)
D-Did you guys see that?
Ellie (Markie)
I saw it, right? [Tim: "Yeah."]
Chris (Sal S)
[getting better at lying] Yeah, yeah, I saw that. [Tim laughs]
Ellie (Markie)
Wh--, but it just went straight into... at the wall and this is like a solid wall?
Timothy (DM)
Just straight at the wall, yeah,
Ellie (Markie)
--it's not the one with the windows in it.
Dan (Wren)
[involuntary moan] We just keep going, right? We'll just keep going.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, I don't think that's our business. Anybody have any ghost-related abilities or anything?
Chris (Sal S)
I can Spare the Dying. I don't think that works on spirits, but they might have some tangential effect.
Dan (Wren)
I will crack open the next door and peek through.
Timothy (DM)
You crack open the door--
Dan (Wren)
Ever-so-slightly.
Timothy (DM)
And you notice that it leads into a GRAND hall with parquet flooring, very ornately detailed parquet flooring, and to the right of the door, just outside, a skeleton lays on the ground.
Dan (Wren)
It doesn't move? Is it moving? A moving skeleton?
Timothy (DM)
It is not moving.
Dan (Wren)
Okay, just a dead skeleton.
Ellie (Markie)
Just the regular kind.
Dan (Wren)
Just the regular kind of skeleton. We always have to check. [Ellie: "Yeah."] If there's nothing else, then I'll slowly make my way into the room.
Timothy (DM)
Alright, as you open the door, enough to slink out, you see this hallway goes off to the right into a great dining hall. And then continues off to the left between... before turning. There are doors all along this grand hall and big massive black carved stone pillars lining the center, and as you step out into the hall, the candelabras light, and that's where we'll end this session.
Dan (Wren)
NOooo.
Chris (Sal S)
[singing Phantom of the Opera] Dun! Dun-dun-dun-dun dunnnn.
Ellie (Markie)
Oh my god. It's super haunted!
Timothy (DM)
And that is where we will put a pause on today's story! Thank you all for joining us for this menacing mystery as we plunge into the abyss. I hope you enjoyed this episode of Shadows of Prophecy. Join us next time to find out what becomes of Wren, Salvador, and Markie in these hallowed halls.
I want to give a special thanks to JayCeeAitch (JCH) and Chris B, our fabulous patrons keeping the candles lit here at Goblin Forge. Your support has meant the world to us, and we are so greateful for your absolute generosity.
I would like to thank Scrubcast for some incredible sound mastering, music and effects. They have been so easy to work with and I highly recommend checking them out if you’re ever in need of audio editing, especially for their epic music and effects design.
I would like to thank Syrinscape for some outstanding atmosphere and music. Make sure you check them out at syrinscape.com. I use Syrinscape all the time at my game table and for our Twitch streams, and it adds that little something special to bring your players and audience into the story.
I would like to thank our players this evening. Dan, Ellie, and Chris. I'm so happy to have you in our cast and can't wait to hear what fiendish adventures we'll find ourselves in next time.
Our Theme song was written by my brother, the chill electronic vapour soul artist Lusq. You should check out their most recent single, Gus.
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