Timothy (DM)
Welcome to Shadows of Prophecy, a D&D real play podcast following the ill-omened web of lives whispered by the Void, their names repeated in the darkness. Shadows of Prophecy is a Dungeons and Dragons podcast with violent themes and adult language. Listener discretion is advised.
With us today to traverse through adventures of ghouls and ghasts, we have myself, Timothy, as our ambivalent DM.
Dan (Wren)
Dan, human scholar and Dead Boyfriend Club member, Wren.
Chris (Sal S)
Chris, tiefling cleric and king of the card catalog, Salvador Saltrose.
Ellie (Markie)
And this is Ellie playing Valarian's best friend, kobald bard, Markie.
Timothy (DM)
Join us as we enter the Shadows of Prophecy. Act One: In the Shadows. Chapter 11 -The Forgotten.
All right, so you all just woke up from long rest. [Ellie's startled, Dan yawns]
Chris (Sal S)
Good mornin'.
Ellie (Markie)
This castle is SO HAUNTED.
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah, it's pretty bad.
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, I don't like it. I don't really like it.
Ellie (Markie)
We all had fucked up dreams, right?
Dan (Wren)
We all had fucked up dreams.
Chris (Sal S)
Naturally, yes.
Ellie (Markie)
Obviously, because it's super haunted. Oh, okay.
Chris (Sal S)
Well, is anybody want to volunteer to go first?
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, sure. I can go. I... actually, my dream kind of freaked me out, but it wasn't that bad, I think. Okay, so there is my best friend, Remy, who lives in my body, but only the parts of my body in other dimensions that I'm not using, and they don't have any hobbies, but we talked about it, and I gave them a book of stories, and they were really excited about that, and they said that we have to go to the basement because that's where the spell circle is 'cause they can kind of like see through time and space, and I was like, 'Oh, Remy, what about this time loop?' and they were like, 'Go to the basement; you'll know what to do.' And that's mostly what I remember, so honestly... I mean, there was some, like, cryptic, mysterious stuff interspersed in there 'cause I think that's just sort of, like, their flair, but ultimately, I feel like... they did say that they've always been with me, and that I didn't remember them, so I felt a little bit like an asshole, but overall, I... net positive, I'm gonna say, except their voice was like tHisSsss. But I try not to judge.
Chris (Sal S)
So you've never met Remy? Like Remy is a personal person?
Ellie (Markie)
Right. Yeah, no, I've never met Remy before, personally, but apparently they've always been with me, and they are using the parts of my body that I'm not using in other dimensions. [Chris: "Okay."] Well, they said that they needed to find their own body, but they didn't know where it was, so they were borrowing mine... but only the parts and other dimensions that I'm not using! [Chris and Dan grimace] I don't know why you guys are making that kind of a face.
Dan (Wren)
Well, that... that sounds horrifying. But also... honestly, like a breath of fresh air compared to what I got in MY dream.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, tell us all about it.
Dan (Wren)
I don't know, it just... this being that [raspy] tAlKeD LiKe ThIs tHe EnTiRe TiMe. [normal] Just told me it was everything and to join it. [Chris and Ellie: "Oh."] and then that's-that's all it said over and over again. Pretty much.
Ellie (Markie)
That's it?!? Oh, you guys didn't get to have, like, a conversation.
Dan (Wren)
No, no, it was very adamant about me joining it and it said I didn't have a choice. [Chris: "Mm.", Ellie: "Oh."] And... yeah, apparently, it's also been with me my entire life. Apparently. It's horrifying.
Ellie (Markie)
Is it using any parts of your body?
Dan (Wren)
It didn't mention. [Chris: "It probably is."] Again, it just wanted me to join it. [Ellie: "Yeah, yeah, okay."] Very single-minded, creepy ass creature.
Chris (Sal S)
"Broken record, yeah. I feel like mine was somewhere in the middle, where they were very evasive in what information they wanted to share. And they also said, 'Oh, I've been here the entire time.' And it was odd, where I saw these faces of people in a crowd, and I saw Gladys and these ticking clocks, and they're talking about, like, partnership and all that and I got this thing." And I pull out my... [to Tim] Is it actually a rose, or is it like the Ioun Stone?
Timothy (DM)
It's like a stone rose, yeah.
Chris (Sal S)
Okay, so I pull out this, like, crystalline pink rose. "And I don't know what does, but I woke up with this."
Dan (Wren)
"Oh... yeah..." I hold up my hand. "I got a new ring, apparently."
Ellie (Markie)
Oh, that's great! It looks nice.
Dan (Wren)
[winces] Is it great?
Chris (Sal S)
I think that's a bond.
Ellie (Markie)
Ohhh, maybe not. Yeahhh, you're right. Maybe not.
Dan (Wren)
It's a creepy ring. [to Tim] Can I take it off?
Timothy (DM)
Would you like to try to take it off?
Dan (Wren)
[confident] I will try and take it off.
Timothy (DM)
You pull on the ring, and it tightens around your finger.
Dan (Wren)
Great. I can't take it off.
Chris (Sal S)
You're cuffed!
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, you're right. That's not good actually. You're... married. [Tim laughs]
Chris (Sal S)
You can't resist!
Ellie (Markie)
To everything?!?
Dan (Wren)
To everything! [all laugh]
Chris (Sal S)
They don't allow divorce in the church.
Dan (Wren)
Uh, specifically "all". It said it was "all".
Ellie (Markie)
Oh, so, you're married to-to All. [Chris: "Oh, gotcha."] "Wh-- oh! Yeah, well, Remy gave me some presents too." I pull out my big Portable Hole. I go *fwoop!* and I slap it on the floor and I jump in... and then I jump back out. [Chris and Dan are astonished!] And I say, "Tada!"
Chris (Sal S)
That's a magic trick?
Dan (Wren)
Apparently.
Ellie (Markie)
And then I fold it back up.
Dan (Wren)
Wait, what? I'm terribly confused.
Ellie (Markie)
[reading the card that Remy handed to them] 'It's a fine black cloth, soft as silk and folds up to the dimensions of a handkerchief. It unfolds to a circular sheet six feet in diameter, and when you place it on something, it creates a 10-foot hole into an extra-dimensional plane...[Chris: "That's pretty useful."] and you can exit the hole by climbing out of it, unless it gets picked up and taken.'
Dan (Wren)
Ohhh, don't get picked up and taken.
Ellie (Markie)
Not while you're in it.
Dan (Wren)
Sounds horrifying. Well, I'm a bit jealous... [Chris: "Yeah."] that you got a useful item and I have a ring that's MAD at me for whatever reason. [all laugh]
Ellie (Markie)
I just got a no-strings-attached hole, baby. [all laugh]
Chris (Sal S)
And for some reason, this floating rose makes me harder to hit.
Dan (Wren)
Oh, oh. Is it currently floating around your head?
Ellie (Markie)
I test it out. I gently try and punch your arm.
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah, I toss it into the air and it is now circling my head.
Ellie (Markie)
Whoaa! That's just a cool vibe.
Dan (Wren)
[*sigh*] I feel...
Ellie (Markie)
Ripped off?
Dan (Wren)
Ripped off. [Ellie: "I knowwww..."] By these god awful dream demons!
Chris (Sal S)
Well, if you want I can join you in your... in your next dream, and we can... fight them?
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, you guys can come meet Remy. Actually, they talked about you.
Chris (Sal S)
How? By-by name?
Ellie (Markie)
No, they were just like... I was like, 'Oh...' they were like, 'You got to do the ritual.' And I was like 'Really, rituals aren't really my thing.' And they were like, 'Oh, but you've got friends who can do rituals.' I'm paraphrasing. Of course. [all laugh]
Chris (Sal S)
My, my, my person did not have name... or they-they didn't want tell me their name. I asked them about you guys, and they said that it wasn't really "consequential." So...
Ellie (Markie)
Wow. It's kind of really like drilling down to the inconsequential thing, huh.
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah. It was, like, a lot of the answers were just that... so, yeah.
Ellie (Markie)
Mine actually didn't have a name either. I just named them Remy. [Chris: "Oh, okay." Dan: "Oh, okay."] Well, they said they were the Forgotten One, but they weren't very happy about it. And I said, 'Oh, so I'll call you the Remembered One. And we'll call you Remy for short!'
Chris (Sal S)
Oh, that's so sweet.
Dan (Wren)
Oh, that's really nice.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, I like I'm saying, I think we had a really great time, but they d-- so what they said was that the ritual circle that Gladys cast that the time lock is in the basement. They were looking at the castle at a time when it was populated and full of people, so they may have been looking at the castle at a different point in time, the timeline. And during that time, this ritual was in the basement. So, if the ritual needs to be maintained to keep the time lock going, it's still in the basement. [Chris and Dan: "Oh, yeah."] But I don't know. Did your guys give you any tips? Your guys/gals? Void/everything?
Dan (Wren)
No, it was just trying to give me a membership. It was JUST trying to sell me a membership.
Ellie (Markie)
Persistent, right? Yeah. Unsubscribe! [Dan laughs] So, *I* personally would like to go to the basement.
Dan (Wren)
Sure. That sounds like the only lead we have.
Chris (Sal S)
I pushed back the bookcase. [Dan: "Yeah."]
Ellie (Markie)
Great. I'm gonna take one of my storybooks with me.
Timothy (DM)
As you push the bookcase back, a book falls to the ground and opens up to a page where you recognize them handwriting. [Chris: "Oooo, okay."] It is Alice's handwriting.
Chris (Sal S)
It's a history book that says "The Sunken Tower": 'East of the Pelican Mountains, the lost city is where I find the Herald. I must seek out a sunken tower."
Dan (Wren)
Is there a date on it?
Chris (Sal S)
No date.
Dan (Wren)
Oh... maybe that's where Alice went? Because she was obviously here.
Ellie (Markie)
The Herald?
Chris (Sal S)
Would she just leave all of her books and her diary?
Ellie (Markie)
If it was an emergency...
Chris (Sal S)
If she knew that we were coming, maybe, yeah.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, what is UP with Alice? You know?? I never met her.
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah, no idea. Friends with Vlad, so she's probably part of the eye cult.
Timothy (DM)
[balks] 'Eye cult' The Veil.
Dan (Wren)
Oh, what were they called? The View? No, that's not right.
Timothy (DM)
The View!
Chris (Sal S)
Joy Behar's just still there!
Ellie (Markie)
To be honest, I'm, like, not feeling like the biggest fan of ANY of these guys right now.
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, me neither
Ellie (Markie)
Like, I know there was a schism and some of them are supposed to be good and some of them are supposed to be bad, but so far I'm not liking any of them 'cause some of them want to, like, bring about the end of the world and all the other ones locked me and my friends in infinite cycle of re-existing the same day, so...
Dan (Wren)
I might not say any of them are good; some much less "not good".
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah. Okay to the basement!
Chris (Sal S)
Away!
Ellie (Markie)
[sing-songy] *duh-duh-duh!* Do you guys remember seeing stairs down anywhere?
Chris (Sal S)
I do not.
Dan (Wren)
I don't either,
Chris (Sal S)
But we can pull out the map.
Ellie (Markie)
I shoulda asked Remy... shoot. [Tim laughs]
Timothy (DM)
Personal mind phone?
Ellie (Markie)
*beep-boop beep-boop boop* 'Hi, Rems! Could you take a quick look around? Do you see any stairs going down from your position of looking through multi-dimensions?'
Dan (Wren)
I mean, I feel like our best option is to go downstairs and just start checking doors that we haven't checked yet.
Ellie (Markie)
That's true. There were a LOT of doors we didn't check. It's presumably on the first floor. So let's go back the way we came. We didn't run away from any unresolved monsters. did we?
Dan (Wren)
No, we bonked everything, yeah.
Ellie (Markie)
Cool. So, it should be easy breezy lemon squeezy. [Tim rolls dice] No problems. No haunting.
Chris (Sal S)
Perfectly normal!
Dan (Wren)
No erroneous dice rolls. [laughs]
Ellie (Markie)
Just a regular jaunt through a very haunted castle.
Chris (Sal S)
All the vases are unbreakable. [Tim rolls dice]
Ellie (Markie)
No weird noises.
Dan (Wren)
Right. None at all. It's going to be peaceful... walk to the haunted basement.
Ellie (Markie)
Mmhm, just like a regular walk.
Chris (Sal S)
Oh, look! The day... it's daylight outside. Nothing. Nothing bad happens during the daytime.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeahhhh.
Timothy (DM)
[coyly] All right. [all laugh]
Ellie (Markie)
Did we make it come true? Did we speak it into existence?
Dan (Wren)
Did anything happen during the daytime?
Timothy (DM)
[coyly] I don't know what you're referencing. [all laugh] You were leaving the library. You are opening the door.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, the door to the library.
Timothy (DM)
You open the door to library and it leads out into the hall.
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, we're gonna go down the stairs and then head for the other set of stairs in the ballroom.
Ellie (Markie)
And the back to the first floor.
Timothy (DM)
Alright, you head back down to the first floor. It's exactly how you remembered leaving it.
Dan (Wren)
I scoff at the vomit demon. [Ellie laughs]
Timothy (DM)
You scoff at the vomit demon [Ellie: "Amateur."] who's still there, just crumbled on the floor along with all the other corpses.
Dan (Wren)
Well, that's where I preferred to see them: on the floor.
Ellie (Markie)
Yep, that's where they belong, basically.
Dan (Wren)
So, I guess just starting at the end of the hall, going down the hall checking each door?
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah. Should we divide and conquer, like somebody take left side and somebody take right side? [Chris: "Sure."] Okay.
Dan (Wren)
Who wants to keep watch, like...?
Ellie (Markie)
Somebody in the middle? [Dan: "Yeah."] I'm not good at keeping watch... so I'll open doors, I guess.
Chris (Sal S)
I'll watch.
Dan (Wren)
Okay, I'll open doors.
Ellie (Markie)
I'll open doors. I'll take the left side!
Dan (Wren)
I'll take the right!
Timothy (DM)
Very self aware, Markie is. [all laugh]
Dan (Wren)
I am easily distracted.
Ellie (Markie)
I don't know, man. I don't want to be responsible for everybody. I want to be responsible for opening doors.
Timothy (DM)
Alright, yeah, you start to go door to door. What'cha selling?
Ellie (Markie)
Vacuums.
Chris (Sal S)
Avon! [Editor's Note: Avon is a brand of makeup, commonly sold door to door]
Dan (Wren)
Knives. I'm selling a fancy knife set.
Timothy (DM)
Nice. So, yeah, you start pulling open each of the doors, while one of you takes watch over the situation. You're opening various ones: one is, like, the storage room. There's, like, a music room with, like, a little piano. There's other rooms... you're, like, going through all the rooms. So, you open up a door. It's a study; there's, like, another library, but it's MUCH smaller than the first one.
Dan (Wren)
A dinky library.
Timothy (DM)
Oh, maybe this is the magic library because there was nothing about magic in the other library. [Chris: "Hmm..."] And we said they probably have a secret smaller library with the magic in it.
Dan (Wren)
This doesn't seem like a secret library, though... on the first floor.
Ellie (Markie)
It's actually less secret than the other library in a lot of ways. You're probably right.
Dan (Wren)
Noted in case we need it.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah. If we're ever like 'Oh, there's something that wasn't in the other library.'
Chris (Sal S)
I wonder... this is probably the children's library. [Ellie: "Ohhh."]
Dan (Wren)
Visitor's library.
Chris (Sal S)
'Curated for your particular needs.'
Ellie (Markie)
Guest library.
Dan (Wren)
Only the redacted histories in this library.
Chris (Sal S)
Just a lot of black text in here.
Timothy (DM)
As you do ponder the thought of this library, the lights go out in the library.
Dan (Wren)
I close door. [Ellie echoes]
Timothy (DM)
You close the door.
Ellie (Markie)
That's not my problem, actually! [Dan: "Nope!"] Op! Haha! *shut*
Timothy (DM)
And you continue down the hall on to the next doors.
Ellie (Markie)
Nice try, shadows. [all laugh]
Timothy (DM)
Then you come across the kitchen, a mess hall, a room with lots of beds in it. Oh! A stairwell [Dan: "Down?"] It leads down.
Dan (Wren)
Let's ascend!
Ellie (Markie)
Let's ascend!
Timothy (DM)
Let's ascend. Who's going first?
Ellie (Markie)
I'll go first 'cause I'm-- [Dan: "Oh."] this is important to me! [Dan: "Ok."] Plus! I'M the one who is trapped in the time loop, so I'M going to reverse the time loop and that's gonna make ME the big *hero*. This could be a Markie stor-- original story.
Chris (Sal S)
Better trademark that. [Dan: "Yeah."]
Ellie (Markie)
TM TM TM TM. [Editor's Note: TM stands for trademark.] [Tim laughs]
Dan (Wren)
You need at least four to make it official.
Timothy (DM)
So, Markie leads the way down the stairs...
Ellie (Markie)
Yep, *trot-trot-trot* on me little legs.
Timothy (DM)
--into the darkness of the basement...
Ellie (Markie)
Oh, it's dark? It's not lit?
Timothy (DM)
Yeah, it's not lit.
Ellie (Markie)
Well, I have darkvision so... I'm not that concerned about it. But you guys might want to light a light.
Chris (Sal S)
I can see in the dark.
Dan (Wren)
I can see 10 feet... 15? 10 to 15 ft?
Timothy (DM)
You see like a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dan (Wren)
I can see enough.
Timothy (DM)
Enough not to walk into a wall. [Dan: "Yes."] But not to know what the heck is in most rooms.
Ellie (Markie)
"Follow me; I'm the hero." She does hold on to the handrail, though. [all laugh] It would be embarrassing to fall down the stairs in my own heroic story; I would have to edit that out.
Timothy (DM)
And the stairs lead down into darkness. Being that you all have some sort of darkvision because that's the direction D&D has gone (as everybody has dark vision, so...)
Ellie (Markie)
No torches never.
Chris (Sal S)
Humans, yeah.
Timothy (DM)
Just except for humans, basically. You head into the darkness. So, you can only see shapes, and, like, shades of grey with dark vision. Keeping that in mind, everything is just like shades of grey, so you cannot make out colors, can't read writing. [Ellie: "Okay, for the moment."] So, if there was writing all over the walls, you wouldn't know it was there.
Chris (Sal S)
Who's gonna write on the walls of the basement? They probably clean that up!
Timothy (DM)
You can't see the writing on the walls. [laughs] There's not actually writing on the walls.
Chris (Sal S)
Blood stains that say "DO NOT COME IN HERE."]
Ellie (Markie)
*du-de-dum-de-dum*
Timothy (DM)
It's a phrase.
Ellie (Markie)
Well, I'll probably want to light a torch when we get to the ritual room just to see what's going on, but for now, we'll go stealth mode.
Dan (Wren)
Knowing our luck, it'll just be lit already. [Ellie: "Yeah." Tim: "Potentially."]
Ellie (Markie)
I mean, it had candles as part of the ritual.
Dan (Wren)
Oh, we grabbed that photo by the way.
Ellie (Markie)
Oh, yeah, the photo of Gladys.
Timothy (DM)
Oh, yeah. I figured that our record keeper's taking all of these pieces of paper and sticking them into a bag somewhere.
Chris (Sal S)
I got a binder.
Ellie (Markie)
Salvador's just like stuff, like, stuffing them into his pockets. [all laugh]
Chris (Sal S)
Salvador's... he's, like, repurposed one of the folios. He's just, like... he's got his paste and he's putting it in there.
Timothy (DM)
So yeah, you make your way down the stairs, which end at a door.
Ellie (Markie)
Okay, I gently try to open it.
Timothy (DM)
All right. Give me a Sleight of Hand.
Okay. Oh, nat 20! Plus 3; 23, baby.
23. [Dan: "Nailed it."] You turn the door handle. You feel the tension of the metal in your hands. So, you move very slowly, and you slightly push the door open. You feel it about to creak, and you stop. It's open just a sliver, and you can see your... (is it 60 feet for dark vision?) [Ellie: "Yeah."] ...down the hall. It is a very empty, long hallway, about 10 feet in width. There are doors on either side of the hallway along the way.
Ellie (Markie)
[to Sal and Wren] It's a long hallway with a lot of doors, guys. Nothing we haven't seen before. [Chris: "Yeah. Uh... let's go."] It's empty, though. Do you think we should light a torch?
Chris (Sal S)
Couldn't hurt I don't think.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, I don't want Wren to be at a disadvantage. We have to be inc-- try to be inclusive here.
Dan (Wren)
You can't light the end of an arrow on fire, could you?
Chris (Sal S)
Theoretically, yeah, if there was, like, a cloth on it.
Dan (Wren)
That's true.
Ellie (Markie)
Why are you looking at me specifically?
Dan (Wren)
Well, I don't... [to Markie] 'cause you got spells. You did the... [to Sal] Oh, you got spells, too...
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah, I got spells. [Ellie: "Oh."]
Dan (Wren)
You can huck lightning. I don't want to light something with lightning.
Chris (Sal S)
I can light things with sacred fire.
Dan (Wren)
Oh, that's fun. I'm just thinking if we, like, send something down the hall that's lit. If there are things down there, it'll catch their attention, and then we can see them before they see us... just a thought.
Chris (Sal S)
Okay, if it's a narrow hallway, they would see... ok, yeah.
Ellie (Markie)
Can I see down to the end of the hallway? Or...
Timothy (DM)
No, it continues on.
Ellie (Markie)
Oh, it's longer than 60 feet.
Chris (Sal S)
How long is Sacred Flame? I feel like Sacred Flame only has a range of, like, 60 feet also.
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, but if I wrapped an arrow in some cloth [Chris: "Oh, that's good. Yeah."] and you LIT the cloth with your Sacred Flame and then I shoot down the hall.
Ellie (Markie)
Or I can light or snuff out a candle, a torch, or a small campfire with Prestidigitation. I don't know if that c--
Chris (Sal S)
Either/or, yeah.
Ellie (Markie)
... if an arrow wrapped in cloth counts as those things. Sure. Let's try it... careful, though, the door's gonna creak if you open it any wider. I don't know if we're worried about a creaky door 'cause there's nothing behind it, so maybe it doesn't matter.
Dan (Wren)
Can I get an arrow through the current crack in the door?
Timothy (DM)
Not aimed... it would fit, but it would just go towards the wall to the right.
Chris (Sal S)
Are the hinges on our side?
Timothy (DM)
[Tim laughs] Umm... [rolls dice] Yes.
Chris (Sal S)
Can I, like, try to pour some water on the hinges to soften their creaky...?
Dan (Wren)
Do I have oil?
Chris (Sal S)
I don't know... I don't know if I have oil; I don't have my...
Ellie (Markie)
[cheerfully exasperated] I have two flasks of oil. [Tim laughs] I take it; I pour a little on my finger and I rub it on the hinges and then I open the door. [all laugh]
Dan (Wren)
Find out if it works.
Ellie (Markie)
I'm pretty sure it's, like, lamp oil. [Chris agrees]
Timothy (DM)
Ok, since you had a 23 on your Sleight of Hand [all laugh], you can successfully accomplish this task [Ellie: "Maintenance! I'm doin' maintenance!'] but not only were you able to stop before the creak was about to start because you could FEEL the pressure building up in the hinges, but now that you've oiled them, you can GLIDE it right on open, and the door is... open. The door is open.
Ellie (Markie)
A job well done by Markie. [all laugh]
Timothy (DM)
And now you have lamp oil all over your finger.
Ellie (Markie)
I wipe it on my pants. [all laugh]
Chris (Sal S)
Even better.
Ellie (Markie)
Well, now what? Shall we do our strategy again? Somebody in the middle, people on either sides, opening the doors going down? [Chris: "Sure."] Because there are a lot of doors.
Chris (Sal S)
Are we still gonna do the flame thing?
Dan (Wren)
Are we gonna huck a flame down there?
Ellie (Markie)
Oh, yeah, let's do that.
Dan (Wren)
Okay. [Chris: *fwoop*] I'll ready an arrow, wrap it in fabrics.
Chris (Sal S)
I light it on fire...
Dan (Wren)
And I shoot down the hall up to a certain distance that short bows can shoot... up to 320 feet.
Timothy (DM)
All right, at about 120 feet, it hits a stone wall, where at the very end, you can see a metal door.
Ellie (Markie)
And all the other doors are wood? [Tim: "Yes."] We should probably... let's start at that end. And then work our way back if THAT'S not the door we're looking for.
Dan (Wren)
It's a bit obvious, but you know, it just feels... I just have a feeling about the door.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah. But nothing, like, comes out in response to this arrow. We don't see any...?
Timothy (DM)
No immediate effect.
Dan (Wren)
No critters. Okay. Let's move slow.
Ellie (Markie)
No critters, alright.
Timothy (DM)
You listen. And give me a Perception check.
Dan (Wren)
Low and slow.
Ellie (Markie)
Dirty 20.
Chris (Sal S)
6.
Dan (Wren)
17.
Timothy (DM)
All right. None of you hear anything down here. [Dan: "Nice."]
Ellie (Markie)
All right! Okay, I'm going! *duh-duh-duh-duh-duh* [to Sal and Wren] Wait, behind me please! Thank you. [all laugh] *jogging sounds* Markie jogs down the hallway.
Timothy (DM)
All right. You jog to the end of the hallway; you approach this door where the light of the arrow has already gone out by the time you reach it. It is a metal door.
Ellie (Markie)
What's the handle situation? Is there a keyhole?
Dan (Wren)
Is there a lock?
Timothy (DM)
It has a regular door knob on it with a lock.
Dan (Wren)
*spins thieves' tools*
Ellie (Markie)
With flair. Wren? [Dan: "Yeah?"] Would you like to play a supporting role?
Dan (Wren)
Mmhm. Yes, please. [all laugh] Can I get, like, a little bit of light? Because I imagine that this...
Ellie (Markie)
Oh, yeah, sure.
Dan (Wren)
Just a teeny tiny little bit of...
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, I have a lamp. I will use Prestidigitation to light my lamp and hold it up for you.
Timothy (DM)
You have a little lantern light, and give me your thieves' tools check.
Dan (Wren)
That is a 17.
Timothy (DM)
Alright, it unlocks with a click. [Ellie gasps]
Dan (Wren)
[whispers] Nailed it. Thank you, thank you.
Ellie (Markie)
Excellent work.
Chris (Sal S)
You guys are so good at doors. [all laugh]
Ellie (Markie)
Door proficiency.
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, but you have lightning, so... [Chris: "Yeah..."]
Ellie (Markie)
Maybe you are good at... have you tried? [Dan echoes]
Chris (Sal S)
I mean, it's in my name, so I feel like I have some...
Ellie (Markie)
Salva-door! [Dan echoes]
Chris (Sal S)
I'll try the next door.
Dan (Wren)
Shut the front door. [all laugh]
Timothy (DM)
[shaking his damn head] These puns today...
Ellie (Markie)
We're on fire! It's been a door-heavy arc in general. [all laugh]
Chris (Sal S)
There's just all these doors!
Timothy (DM)
The arc of doors.
Dan (Wren)
Honestly.
Ellie (Markie)
It's a thematic metaphor?
Dan (Wren)
I will push the door open then. Or pull it open. I don't really know which way it goes.
Timothy (DM)
Give me a Sleight of Hand.
Dan (Wren)
Another one? [a la DH Khaled] 'Another one...' That was a 15.
Timothy (DM)
Alright. You push the door open. It creaks a little bit, and you hear echoing down the hallway. [Dan: "Great..."] No immediate effect.
Dan (Wren)
*ugh* Okay, I guess I continue.
Ellie (Markie)
Markie ducks under your arm [all laugh] and continues through the door... first!
Chris (Sal S)
SOMEbody wants to be the leader.
Timothy (DM)
Alright, Markie, as you get to the other side of the door, you see another long hallway; it goes beyond your field of vision. However, you notice along the left side, there are several doors with faint glowing lights. The first one green, the next red and then you think you can kind of make out blue further on.
Ellie (Markie)
I'm still holding my lamp, too
Chris (Sal S)
The doors are glowing or like the space underneath the door?
Timothy (DM)
Yeah, underneath the doors to the left [Ellie: "Like, coming from behind 'em."] There's a glow.
Ellie (Markie)
I'm inclined to go look at the end of the hallway again just to see if there's another big metal door, but I will point out to my compatriots that these are glowing.
Dan (Wren)
Do we want to... arrow trick again?
Ellie (Markie)
Do the arrow trick again? How many arrows and strips of cloth do you have?
Dan (Wren)
Excellent question.
Ellie (Markie)
Just curious. I don't... I don't know if we want to be...
Dan (Wren)
I don't know if I'm actually tracking how many arrows...
Ellie (Markie)
Well, you could pick up... you could pick up the arrow we used before.
Dan (Wren)
Oh, that's true. I'll just use the same arrow. I will pick it up.
Ellie (Markie)
Okay, I'll light it with Prestidigitation.
Timothy (DM)
It probably won't work well to fight anyone with that arrow 'cause you did set it on fire and it kind of burned down.
Dan (Wren)
It's the cloth; it'll be fine. I'd like to fire it down the hall.
Timothy (DM)
But it can be fired again to the hall, yes.
Ellie (Markie)
Ok, I light it again. I'll light it with Prestidigitation.
Dan (Wren)
And I'll fire it down the hall.
Timothy (DM)
So you light another arrow, notch it, loose it... bop it.
Ellie (Markie)
Twist it?
Dan (Wren)
Lock it? [Editor's Note: This is a reference to a toy from the 90s call a Bop-It, which would shout phrases like "Bop It!", "Twist It!", etc.]
Timothy (DM)
It travels down and hits the hall, maybe another 120 to 150 feet. There is no door at the end of the hallway, but you do see more doors along the side of the hall.
Ellie (Markie)
But only three of them have light coming from behind them.
Timothy (DM)
There are total four doors on the left and four on the right.
Ellie (Markie)
And what are the three that are glowing? Is it the first three on the left?
Timothy (DM)
It's hard to tell if the fourth one is glowing or not. [laughs]
Dan (Wren)
So with... all the ones... the first three on the left are...?
Timothy (DM)
Are all glowing, yes.
Dan (Wren)
In red...
Timothy (DM)
[in an accent] Green, red, blue.
Dan (Wren)
Green, red, blue?
Ellie (Markie)
[nervous] WHOA! Wait, why did the narrator voice come out there? What's going on?
Chris (Sal S)
No, that's just how Tim speaks. [Ellie laughs]
Timothy (DM)
What? Nothing. Nooo. [in French accent] I do not know what you're talking aboutttt.
Chris (Sal S)
Of these three colors, which do you think is the most trustworthy color?
Dan (Wren)
Blue.
Chris (Sal S)
I was thinking blue too.
Ellie (Markie)
What if we subvert expectations and go with red? [Chris: "Uhhh."] Or a door for each of us. We could each do a door.
Chris (Sal S)
Do you know how that worked out in the dungeon? [all laugh] We opened two bad doors and we closed them. So, I mean it could work too.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, we can always close the doors.
Dan (Wren)
So, you want red?
Ellie (Markie)
I'll take red. Sure.
Chris (Sal S)
I'll take green.
Dan (Wren)
Oh sure. I'll take blue.
Ellie (Markie)
I'm just saying you shouldn't have preconceived expectations about things.
Dan (Wren)
Oh, yeah, that makes sense.
Ellie (Markie)
Alright, so let's open then on three? Open the doors? [Dan: "Yeah."]
Timothy (DM)
Alright. So as you're heading down towards the blue door, you do notice the fourth door on the left is also glowing yellow.
Dan (Wren)
We got yellow down here. [Chris and Ellie: "Okay. Okay."]
Ellie (Markie)
Sorry, what's the order? It's...
Timothy (DM)
Green, red, blue, yellow.
Ellie (Markie)
Okay, well, we can tackle yellow if none of these work out, I guess. [Chris and Dan: "Yeah."] And that's all... and the righthand side doors' nothing.
Dan (Wren)
No glows.
Timothy (DM)
No glows on the righthand side.
Ellie (Markie)
Do they otherwise look the same as the lefthand doors?
Timothy (DM)
So, Wren is the one who's going down to the blue room, and as you are approaching it, you notice the glowing yellow to the left. You also notice a set of double doors at the end of the hallway to the right, and they are iron reinforced wooden doors.
Dan (Wren)
Gotcha. This is past the four normal doors, right?
Timothy (DM)
The three normal doors on the right. Four wooden doors on the left, three wooden doors on the right and then a double iron reinforced door at the end of the right side.
Dan (Wren)
We've got a double door that is reinforced.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah. Should we pivot because that seems like it might be...
Chris (Sal S)
Well, what are these... in these rooms? Why would they be glowing?
Dan (Wren)
I do want to know...
Ellie (Markie)
Oh, I don't know if that's any of our business. [all laugh] All right. On three? [Chris and Dan: "Yeah."] 1-2-3!
Timothy (DM)
You push open the doors and inside each of these rooms. You see a square room. [Dan: "Oh."] and in the middle of the room are magical sigils with four vases sitting around in various spots that have, like, writing all around them and candles at the points of the sigils, and an orb in middle of the sigil that's glowing the respective color.
Dan (Wren)
And these pots are just in the sigil, or these vases?
Timothy (DM)
Yeah, in, like, little spots that look like they were... the sigil's designed around them. There's, like, specific spots to set the vases.
Dan (Wren)
Gotcha. This feels like a mummy sort of situation, and there are organs in those pots, but that's my initial thoughts. [laughs]
Ellie (Markie)
I wouldn't put it past 'em; this castle's super haunted.
Dan (Wren)
But you also have vases and sigils and orbs?
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, I'm seeing sigils and vases and orbs.
Chris (Sal S)
Vase, yeah, candles.
Dan (Wren)
This seems like none of our business. [all laugh]
Ellie (Markie)
Close the door!
Dan (Wren)
I'm going to double check the yellow door. I peek in.
Timothy (DM)
Yeah, you peek into the yellow door... and you see the same thing except in yellow.
Dan (Wren)
Gotcha, cool. "Same thing."
Timothy (DM)
The sigil's slightly different, but more or less the same; very similar shape.
Ellie (Markie)
And this is not, like, the setup that Gladys was photographed in front of?
Timothy (DM)
No, no, no, no, no; this is something else.
Ellie (Markie)
I'll go check the double doors.
Timothy (DM)
All right. They're locked.
Ellie (Markie)
Wren!
Dan (Wren)
*whirrrrrrrr* [*poses and spins thieves' tools] [all laugh]
Ellie (Markie)
Oh my gosh, you look so cool, dude.
Dan (Wren)
[coyly] Huh? What? What do you mean? I'm just getting my thieves' tools out?
Ellie (Markie)
Oh, were you just standing regularly in a normal way?
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah, this is his natural... yeah.
Timothy (DM)
I never need to railroad you; I just need to put a fancy door and a lock and you'll know what direction to go.
Dan (Wren)
And I clickety-clackity that lock open.
Timothy (DM)
Alright, give me the thieves' tools.
Dan (Wren)
21. [lowers sunglasses] I'm good at this shit.
Timothy (DM)
Wren does not have problems with locks ever, apparently. And...
Dan (Wren)
I've opened my fair share of them...
Timothy (DM)
...you open the double doors. And do you push them open?
Dan (Wren)
Ever so slightly.
Timothy (DM)
Ever so slightly. Okay, you slowly push them open. You peek inside through a crack, and you see purple candles [Dan gasps] with mirrors [Dan gasps] around a sigil on the ground [Dan gasps]. It looks very much like the one from the photo.
Dan (Wren)
[gestures into the room] Markie.
Ellie (Markie)
"Thank you." Markie scoots under your arm and stuffs into the room, careful not to... I don't, like, cross any magic lines or anything. But I scoot into the room.
Timothy (DM)
You step into the room--
Dan (Wren)
Is this room lit? The candles are, like, lit?
Timothy (DM)
The candles are lit. They give a very very faint light, though because it's like a dark purple hue [Dan: "Gotcha."] that they give off. So, you didn't notice it before, but now that you're in the room, you realize that it is very faintly lit with a wash of purple. [Ellie: "Hmm."] The sigil on the ground, however, is a deep red.
Ellie (Markie)
That's blood, right? Pretty sure that's blood.
Dan (Wren)
Is it glowing? Like, glowing red? [Tim: "No."] Oh yeah, then it's probably blood.
Ellie (Markie)
You're the doctor. [laughs]
Dan (Wren)
'Oh, is it blood?' [all laugh]
Timothy (DM)
Would you like to inspect it?
Dan (Wren)
Yes. I don't want to *touch* it though. I just want to get close and see, like, how it, like, looks? I'll take... I'll borrow the lantern.
Timothy (DM)
You kinda lean down, take the lantern, and inspect the material used to create the sigil. Do you have a check to make?
Dan (Wren)
I would say Medicine? [Tim: "Okay."] Right? To identif-- that makes sense.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, to identfiy blood.
Timothy (DM)
I wasn't sure if you had a specific feat.
Dan (Wren)
No, 22 though.
Timothy (DM)
22. Yeah, it's blood. [Dan: "Okay."] Yeah, yeah. The sigil's made of blood.
Ellie (Markie)
Well, so... I'm the hero, obviously, but you guys are the magic people and so...
Dan (Wren)
[stifling a laugh] I don't have a lick of magic in me.
Ellie (Markie)
Oh, you don't know!
Dan (Wren)
No!
Ellie (Markie)
You're just smart.
Dan (Wren)
I'm just smart.
Ellie (Markie)
I'M magic!
Dan (Wren)
I just studied a lot.
Ellie (Markie)
Oh, well, I don't... well, maybe, smart man, you can tell me about what you do about rituals, and Remy said I would know when I got down here, but if I'm looking around, do I know?
Timothy (DM)
You are looking around the room, and at first your attention was only on the sigil on the center of the room, and then you realize...
Dan (Wren)
There are people (I'm kidding) [laughs]
Timothy (DM)
... to the back of the room, there's a hole in the wall that leads into a tunnel. You also continue to inspect the sigil and the items with it, and you start to make out little things that you didn't didn't notice in the photo so much, but the candles are set on skulls, and they are eight points of arrows pointing out in each direction with a wick at the end of each of them.
Ellie (Markie)
I gotta tell you guys: Remy said I was gonna know what to do. I really don't know what to do.
Dan (Wren)
What does your instinct say?
Go in the hole? [all laugh]
Chris (Sal S)
You know, you get a hole and every problem... [Editor's Note: This is a reference to the idiom "When the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail."]
Ellie (Markie)
That's my instinct! I'm just sayin'... I'm not saying it's the right thing!
Chris (Sal S)
My instinct is to snuff out these candles and WASH this floor.
Dan (Wren)
Break the mirrors?
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah. Okay, so that's three things: one person can be on floor washing duty, one person can be on candle duty, one person can break the mirrors. I think that's great.
Dan (Wren)
Which is going to curse... more likely to curse us after?
Ellie (Markie)
Oh, yeah, and get super cursed.
Dan (Wren)
I feel like breaking the mirrors is the action to get us cursed... though those creepy skull candles. So, have these candles not, like, burned away? [Tim: "No."] [in despair] Oh, God.
Chris (Sal S)
So the hole leading to a tunnel? Is it manmade? Or is it just, like... there's just a hole and it's not supposed to be there?
Timothy (DM)
It's just, like, a natural cavern hole. [Chris: "Okay."] The stone of the wall, however, does seem to be built around it as if the hole was there, and they placed the stones to keep the hole open.
Chris (Sal S)
Hmm, ok. So, hands in the middle? [Dan: "Okay?"]
Ellie (Markie)
Go team?
Chris (Sal S)
Go team!
Dan (Wren)
Oh! Go team. Sorry, I didn't understand.
Ellie (Markie)
I also was not sure until it happened. [all laugh] I'll snuff out the candles because I can do that with Prestidigitation.
Dan (Wren)
[to Sal] Do you carry a blunt weapon with you?
Chris (Sal S)
I have a battleaxe. That's the only blunt thing I have.
Dan (Wren)
Alright, gotcha. That's probably.
Chris (Sal S)
I mean, you could use that to break glass.
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, yeah. I was thinking my sword's probably not a great... I mean, you could.
Ellie (Markie)
You could use the butt of the sword?
Dan (Wren)
That's true, but I'd have to get really close to the glass, and I'd rather stay FAR AWAY from the glass. I guess I'm on floor duty... cleaning up blood.
Ellie (Markie)
"I have soap!" [Dan: "Oh!"] I pull soap out of my pocket. [all laugh]
Dan (Wren)
Perfect.
Chris (Sal S)
Wait, are you breaking glass; are you...
Dan (Wren)
No, you can break the glass... [Chris: "Oh, okay."] I'll wash the major points of this symbol on the floor. Like, where points meet, things like that. 'Cause it'd probably take me a hot minute to clean the whole floor.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, it's been there for how long?
Dan (Wren)
Right.
Chris (Sal S)
If you want it, I have a spell that could probably handle that. [Dan: "Oh? Yeah, what's that?"] It's called Sleet Storm. I guess it covers it with ice. Not necessarily rain water.
Dan (Wren)
Oh... but sleet is first water, right? And then it hits the ground and it becomes ice? Is that the idea?
Chris (Sal S)
Possibly?
Dan (Wren)
Isn't that what sleet is?
Ellie (Markie)
I do not know.
Chris (Sal S)
Hmm... [reading his cleric book] 'Freezing rain and sleet.' So, I mean, there'll be freezing rain.
Dan (Wren)
Oh, yeah. And it'll put out the candles too.
Ellie (Markie)
Perfect. Might even break some mirrors if it's sleety enough.
Dan (Wren)
[laughing] Maybe we just stand outside and you cast a spell in here! [Ellie: "Yeah."]
Chris (Sal S)
It will make it slippery for a little bit, but it's only gonna last a minute. I don't think the effects of it remain beyond spell, right? Like it's gonna be slippery, but it only lasts as long as the spell lasts.
Timothy (DM)
Oh, yeah.
Chris (Sal S)
Okay. So yeah.
Timothy (DM)
It dissipates.
Ellie (Markie)
I'm just worried because Remy said that I would need to pay a price. And so far, none of this feels like paying a price. And also Remy said there was something down here that they wanted, and I would know it when I saw it. And I haven't seen anything that Remi seems like they would be interested in.
Chris (Sal S)
Maybe they're in the doors that we passed up.
Dan (Wren)
Or in that tunnel.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, you're right. There is a lot. Yeah, let's do it. [Dan winces] How bad can it be? We're gonna make the time loop worse?
Chris (Sal S)
No way. [Dan laughs, *oof*]
Ellie (Markie)
All right, go for it, Sal.
Chris (Sal S)
Okay, do you want to toss your soap in there? Or do you want to keep it?
Ellie (Markie)
Oh, yeah, sure. I gently set my soap. I'm careful not to step on any of the lines, and I gently set my soap right in the middle of the sigil. [all laugh]
Chris (Sal S)
Okay, I crack my knuckles...
Ellie (Markie)
Maybe that's the price. [all laugh]
Dan (Wren)
I hold your tail as you lean over.
Chris (Sal S)
You're like "NoOoOoO" ... How much did you pay for that soap?
Ellie (Markie)
I just... have it. [Dan echoes and laughs] I just have it. I got it for free at a hotel I stayed at once. [all laugh]
Dan (Wren)
Honestly, it's been 17 years since the day you picked it up, so...
Chris (Sal S)
But yeah, I crack my knuckles. I prepare myself to channel Tao and I cast Sleet Storm on this room, and I waved my hands in sort of like a washing machine motion [all laugh] to make sort of a cyclone of freezing rain and sleet to pummel this sigil circle and this room of candle-y mirrors.
Ellie (Markie)
Candle-y mirrors, that's good way of describing it.
Timothy (DM)
So, you see your Sleet Storm pummel the room. You see dirt and detritus that had built up in the corners shift around the space, but no matter what energy you channel into the space, the candles do not go out, and none of the sigil is removed. The soap, however, is flung about the place.
Chris (Sal S)
There are bubbles EVERYWHERE. [all laugh]
Timothy (DM)
There are bubbles everywhere, but you can see the candles that are still lit, and all the mirrors and everything are perfectly in place.
Ellie (Markie)
Ah, it's complicated.
Dan (Wren)
Gotcha. That didn't feel too easy. [Tim laughs]
Ellie (Markie)
Purple is made by blue and red. [Tim laughs]
Chris (Sal S)
Oh, the things in the rooms? Yeah.
Ellie (Markie)
The colorful rooms! Also sigils. Also magic... orbs? I don't know. Blue and red make purple. Because what do we have? We have green, red, blue and yellow. One of these things is not like the other. We've got green, which is made from a combination of blue and yellow. And then we've got purple over here. We're missing orange.
Dan (Wren)
Do we make orange?
Ellie (Markie)
Do we make orange? How do we make orange?
Dan (Wren)
We want to check the other three doors?
Chris (Sal S)
Red and yellow.
Ellie (Markie)
[bluntly] I know red and yellow.
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah, we should open the doors.
Ellie (Markie)
Like should we? Yeah. Okay, let's check the other three doors. [Dan laughs] I'm gonna 'hero' on my way out of this.
Timothy (DM)
Heroes! We're gonna make orange. [all laugh]
Ellie (Markie)
Maybe Remy has set me up a color puzzle.
Timothy (DM)
[laughing] Yes, that's very on-brand for this place. Um... all right, you want to check the next door down?
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, we'll check the next door down.
Ellie (Markie)
Three Doors Down. [sing-songy] "If I go crazy, then will you still call me s..." [Editor's Note: this is in reference to a song called "kryptonite" by the band 3 Doors Down.]
Chris (Sal S)
Exactly, I was gonna...
Timothy (DM)
They're unlocked, and you can easily push it open. You peer inside, and it's a sort of laboratory, and you notice that there are long work benches in the middle of the room with parchments sitting on them. You also notice a couple similar candles to the ones from the ritual room, a couple of them broken.
Well, there's more paper in here.
Ellie (Markie)
What does it say?
Dan (Wren)
Wow, I don't know. I'd have to go in and look.
Ellie (Markie)
Oh, we'll check the other two doors first just to establish...
Chris (Sal S)
Sal races to a door because he hasn't been able to open a door yet!
Ellie (Markie)
[rushedly] Markie races him to a--! [kidding] "No, go ahead, open the door, Sal. Knock yourself out."
Dan (Wren)
I bodycheck you out of the way. [all laugh]
Ellie (Markie)
But if it's a really cool room, don't go in there until I'm over.
Chris (Sal S)
You have my word. [Ellie: "Okay.", Dan: "Next door."]
Timothy (DM)
You head to the next door. It's also unlocked. You push it open, and you see another laboratory with long work tables in the middle with parchment sitting on the table.
Chris (Sal S)
No candles?
Timothy (DM)
You see bowls of various things and white candles.
Dan (Wren)
Last door?
Ellie (Markie)
Last door!
Dan (Wren)
Markie?
Ellie (Markie)
I open the last door.
Timothy (DM)
You open the third door, and you see lots of broken furniture... [Ellie: "Oh."] and some mirrors and chairs and lots of things on shelves.
Ellie (Markie)
Are they similar to the ones in the other room?
Timothy (DM)
There are similar mirrors in there. They're not placed in any particular order; they're just a bunch of mirrors.
Ellie (Markie)
Bonus mirrors.
Dan (Wren)
Someone got mad in this room.
Ellie (Markie)
Okay, well, shall we take a gander at the parchments?
Dan (Wren)
Rumamge through the parchments? I can take one room if somebody else wants to take the other room. Just a quick rummage.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, quick rummage.
Chris (Sal S)
I'll go with Markie.
Ellie (Markie)
Okay, Markie and Sal will rummage in the other room.
Dan (Wren)
[glumly] I'll go by myself...
Ellie (Markie)
Just holler if you need anything!
Dan (Wren)
Sure!
Chris (Sal S)
And I have a torch lit to read these.
Ellie (Markie)
[to Wren] I give you my lamp. Here you go.
Dan (Wren)
Oh, perfect.
Timothy (DM)
All right. You start to sift through the papers, and I hand you a bunch of things.
Dan (Wren)
Oh, YAY.
Ellie (Markie)
LORE!
Dan (Wren)
Oh, more things?
Ellie (Markie)
Shall we reconvene in the hallway?
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, let's reconvene in the hallway.
Ellie (Markie)
All right, perfect.
Timothy (DM)
You grab a bunch of things off the tables, and you go out into the hallway and you start laying them out, and you notice that there are strange drawings on much of the parchment: creatures and monsters of some sort. You also see several diagrams of ceremonial circles, some ingredient lists and instructions, but everything's kind of scattered about... not really connected in any organized fashion.
Ellie (Markie)
All right, I'm gonna consolidate the freaky drawings of monsters because I think at the moment, they are maybe only going to psychologically harm us and not help. [all laugh]
Timothy (DM)
Wut??? Psychological harm?
Ellie (Markie)
We will focus (perhaps) on, like, the diagrams.
Dan (Wren)
Yeah. So I got a diagram here that has, like, a star and five points. [reading the recipe] 'Candles of that elements in center; five offering jars sat in the moons; align mirrors with points.'
Ellie (Markie)
Does that sigil look like the one that we saw in the purple room?
Dan (Wren)
The star and moons? [Tim: "Yes."] Okay, so that's the one we're working with.
Ellie (Markie)
And I've got one here that says 'Six candles at each point; six offering jars between each arm; align crystal with moonlight of the final hour.' And is this the one that is in the other colored rooms? [Tim shakes head no] No, have we seen the sigil anywhere? [Tim shakes head no] No.
Dan (Wren)
Okay, so what are on these lists? On one list, I have: 'jasmine ash, tears of the lost, five chaos candles, jars, charcoal (purified), mirrors, plus "pay the price"'. So this seems like--
Ellie (Markie)
Oh, that's what Remy was talking about.
Dan (Wren)
--this seems like the temporal spell because it's got the mirrors.
Ellie (Markie)
I also have a thing with a bunch of... pointed star that says like 'air, mind, body, water, earth spirit, force.' And then it also says 'imbue the seven white candles', so I don't know what that is. And then we've got a list here that says... Oh, good, great, awesome. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool... Cool? Cool.
Dan (Wren)
What does it say?
Ellie (Markie)
Metal flakes?
Dan (Wren)
Sounds cool. [Tim laughs]
Ellie (Markie)
Blood* (preferably from intelligent host).
Dan (Wren)
Okay, yeah.
Chris (Sal S)
Less cool.
Ellie (Markie)
Brain matter* [Dan: "Oh no!"] (preferably from intelligent host). Organs of the primary sacrifices, charcoal (purified), six white candles, focusing crystals, plus "pay the price". So... [group exchanges glances] This [points to six-pointed star] seems like it's the one that's in the other rooms because it has a focusing crystal, and I feel like that's what the orb is. And you were TOTALLY right about the organ jars!
Chris (Sal S)
You think they have organs in them?
Ellie (Markie)
I think they do.
Dan (Wren)
Probably... Yeah, [Ellie: "Probably."] I don't know where else the organs would be. [Ellie: "Yeah."]
Chris (Sal S)
The seven points on this thing make me think it's a color-based thing. Red for fire. Green for earth. Blue for water. Yellow for air.
Dan (Wren)
[looking at seven-pointed star] My brain is not working. It's not two triangles? No, it's not.
Chris (Sal S)
It's a heptagon... er, it's a heptagram.
Timothy (DM)
It is a seven-pointed star. [Chris: "Yeah."]
Ellie (Markie)
And then there's this one. There's this sigil here. 'Six candles at each point, six offering jars between each arm, align crystal with moonlight of the final hour'. That doesn't... we haven't seen anything like this.
Dan (Wren)
That's the one with the organ jars.
Ellie (Markie)
No, it's not. It's not the same. [Tim agrees]
Dan (Wren)
Oh, it's not? Oh, just kidding.
Ellie (Markie)
But maybe we could reconfigure that one [five-pointed star] into this one [six-pointed star] 'cause the ingredients seem to be the same, but we don't know what this one [six-pointed star] does.
Dan (Wren)
[laughing] Let's not go around performing rituals we don't know what they do. Oh, we also have these script with words on them that I can't read that seem like probably enchanting words? What are those called?
Chris (Sal S)
Incantations? [Dan: "Incantations?"]
Ellie (Markie)
Spell words?
Dan (Wren)
Spell words. [Tim echoes] Incantations: that's the word I was looking for. These look like incantations I am hesitant to mutter them out loud.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah...
Timothy (DM)
What would you like to do with this information? [laughs]
Dan (Wren)
I feel like we don't have enough information to really act???
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, like...
Dan (Wren)
Because we don't know what the other rituals are for besides the temporal one.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, we don't understand how they're related or if they're related at all. And there's one ritual here we haven't even seen yet.
Dan (Wren)
Right, and I'm hesitant (to say the least) to break a ritual or to mess with a ritual that we don't know what it does.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah. Sooo... tunnel time?
Dan (Wren)
Tunnel time. [Chris echoes]
Ellie (Markie)
Just to see if there's more info down there. Like, clues perhaps...
Dan (Wren)
We'll skirt the edge of the... of the ritual circle and go to the tunnel.
Ellie (Markie)
Just sort of scoot around.
Timothy (DM)
So you scoot around...
Dan (Wren)
Scoot-y scoot. We scootch on by there.
Timothy (DM)
And into the tunnel you go. It is damp, but not muddy. It is a natural tunnel system; does not look like it has been dug out. You can see it continues on into another room just at the edge of your vision, kind of opens up into a chamber, where you can see piles of *stuff*. Hard to make out from this distance.
Dan (Wren)
Oh, are we going to fire an arrow? Do we want to fire an arrow?
Chris (Sal S)
Well, we have torches and lanterns lit right now.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, that's true.
Chris (Sal S)
You want me to toss my torch in there?
Ellie (Markie)
Well, what if it catches fire or something? There are piles of stuff. What if it's flammable stuff?
Chris (Sal S)
We could just walk in.
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, we could just cautiously walk.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, cautiously walk in.
Timothy (DM)
Would you like to make Stealth checks?
Ellie (Markie)
Sure.
Chris (Sal S)
Why do you ask me this?
Timothy (DM)
I mean, like, the last five Sleight of Hand checks have been just to prevent echoing down a scary, spooky hallway. So... [laughs] I will always keep you on your toes. You will never know if a roll is for real or for fun.
Ellie (Markie)
It's all for fun. That's Dungeons and Dragons, baby. [all laugh]
Timothy (DM)
Okay, so we got an 8. [Dan: "Dirty 20."] Dirty 20. [Ellie: "10."] 10. All right. So, you start making your way down the long tunnel, and you start to notice that the piles of stuff are piles of broken furniture, moldy crates, random books that have been molded, and kind of just junk. But you can see as you step into this chamber, that it heads into yet another tunnel on the other side.
Chris (Sal S)
So, this is a hallway with stuff, or is it just a room with stuff in it?
Timothy (DM)
It's like a small chamber. Maybe 10 by 15 feet.
Dan (Wren)
It's like a natural cavern though, right?
Timothy (DM)
Yeah, it's like a natural cavern chamber. With piles of junk in it.
Dan (Wren)
I mean, no need to look through piles of junk, right? Just like junk.
Chris (Sal S)
You don't think there's gonna be something hidden in the junk?
Timothy (DM)
I would never.
Ellie (Markie)
It's like that other... I'm mean we saw one room already that had piles of junk in it.
Dan (Wren)
That's true. We did just ignore it.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, pretty much. There were mirrors in that room, though, so if we need more mirrors for some reason.
Dan (Wren)
That's true.
Timothy (DM)
Yeah, there were a lot of, like, mirrors, jars, other things that you've seen in the rituals.
Chris (Sal S)
Backup furniture.
Dan (Wren)
It's like their storage room. Yeah.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah. You know, ritual stuff.
Timothy (DM)
Ritual stuff.
Chris (Sal S)
What are they using all this furniture though, for?
Ellie (Markie)
It's a lot of broken furniture. They're not taking good care of their possessions.
Dan (Wren)
Maybe they need firewood? That's what I'd use broken furniture.
Chris (Sal S)
It's possible.
Ellie (Markie)
...a LOT of broken furniture, though.
Dan (Wren)
Well, do we want to keep going down the other tunnel? We always come back and rummage if we don't find anything.
Chris (Sal S)
Yes, tunnel.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, tunnel. We don't want to get shut off, though, from the temporal ritual because I'm still planning on taking that down.
Dan (Wren)
Yeah. Fair enough. Cool. Well, keep headed down the tunnel.
Timothy (DM)
All right. It leads down another tunnel, which you can see opens up into yet another chamber. This one: you do see several tables and a dresser and a small cooking pot.
Chris (Sal S)
Anything in the pot?
Timothy (DM)
You enter the room. You walk over to the pot, and you peer in. You do see something crusted over on the bottom.
Ellie (Markie)
Don't eat that.
Timothy (DM)
No. [all laugh]
Chris (Sal S)
[sassy] Thank you for the advice, Markie.
Ellie (Markie)
I saw you eying it. I know a hungry man when I see one.
Chris (Sal S)
That is true; I haven't had a meal recently. Like, what's the color of the crust?
Timothy (DM)
It's like a blacky brown [Chris: "Blacky brown."] Very dry. Like, whatever has been here has been sitting long enough for it to mold over and then dry out.
Chris (Sal S)
So, we got a jar of dirt. Or, like, a bowl of dirt.
Timothy (DM)
Basically, at this point. Pretty close to dirt.
Dan (Wren)
Wren will check the dresser, rummage through drawers?
Timothy (DM)
Yeah, you find lots of kitchen utensils.
Dan (Wren)
Oh! Not what I expected in a dresser but okay. Are they like rusted and old and broken?
Ellie (Markie)
Are they organized?
Timothy (DM)
Oh, yeah. All the wooden handles have kind of started to rot.
Ellie (Markie)
Is it, like, forks in one drawer, spoons in another?
Timothy (DM)
Just kind of haphazardly thrown about in the drawers. Yeah.
Chris (Sal S)
We have a source of metal flakes, then. If we need it...
Ellie (Markie)
If we want to do the rit-- do you think we do the ritual again?
Chris (Sal S)
But backwards.
Dan (Wren)
A double temporal ritual. [Ellie: "I know, yeah."] Two negatives make a positive!
Ellie (Markie)
'Oops, now we're stuck in the same minute!' [all laugh]
Dan (Wren)
Any other exits to this room?
Timothy (DM)
There is another tunnel. [laughs]
Dan (Wren)
Shocker.
Chris (Sal S)
What, is this like a cannonball apartment? [Editor's Note: Chris was referring to a "railroad" apartment"]
Timothy (DM)
It heads off... it kind of, like, does a U-turn back towards the other direction, and you see that it opens up into into another chamber.
Dan (Wren)
Ok. 'Slike a third chamber?
Ellie (Markie)
Third chamger.
Timothy (DM)
You can see beds.
Dan (Wren)
Beds?
Ellie (Markie)
So, like, people were living down here, I guess. This was, like, the mess hall?
Dan (Wren)
So, this is actual 'for eating', not for any sort of *dastardly* purposes.
Ellie (Markie)
But there were plenty of beds and stuff upstairs. Why would people be living down here?
Dan (Wren)
Maybe this was an addition that came from here and got into the castle versus people coming from the castle and going into here.
Ellie (Markie)
Well, next room.
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, next room.
Chris (Sal S)
And on your left, you'll see a lovely bathroom, completely redone.
Dan (Wren)
It's just a bucket.
Ellie (Markie)
First, last, plus brokers' fee. [Editor's Note: This is a reference to how people in Boston are forced to pay first and last month of rent, as well as a broker's fee]
Timothy (DM)
As you are heading down this hallway, there is, like, a small little, like, chamber, that you can just see piles of something that are now kind of dirt, but... [Ellie: "Perhaps."] Perhaps [Ellie laughs] or something else at one point...
Chris (Sal S)
What's the shape of the pile?
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, do you want to rummage through that pile? I don't want to rummage through that pile. [Tim laughs]
Chris (Sal S)
I've got a stick somewhere.
Timothy (DM)
They're mound-shaped.
Chris (Sal S)
Mound-shaped okay... [Tim echoes] Like, mound of human shape or...?
Ellie (Markie)
They're poop piles, Sal! [all laugh]
Chris (Sal S)
Anyway!
Timothy (DM)
They were shitting in piles in a quarter of this chamber [Chris: "That's gross."] and then you entered the sleep chamber, where there are beds that are mostly moldy... like, everything 's kind of rotted and sagging cushions and all of that. Everything has kind of started to decay. There are several decayed lockboxes of personal effects. [Ellie looks at Dan] Nothing too interesting, and also mostly just decayed or rusted.
Dan (Wren)
I saw that look, Markie. [all laugh] Listen. They're shitting in corners over there. I don't think they have anything worth value. Just a guess.
Ellie (Markie)
Oh, I'm sorry. I just see a lock, and I look at you instinctually.
Dan (Wren)
Are there any other exits to this room?
Timothy (DM)
But as you enter this space, you can see--
Ellie (Markie)
We're getting so far away from the ritual, it's stressing me out.
Timothy (DM)
...a bigger hallway, and when you look around, you see a massive pinky-gray blob kind of growing, like, cancerously out of a large stone platform. You can see candles set around in a circular shape.
Dan (Wren)
Are they white candles?
Timothy (DM)
They are white candles.
Dan (Wren)
Oh, this seems like the other ritual.
Ellie (Markie)
This is the other ritual.
Dan (Wren)
And it's got a flesh blob in the middle?
Timothy (DM)
A flesh blob kind of growing out of the side of it. [Dan: "Oh..."]
Ellie (Markie)
'Metal flakes, blood, brain matter, organs of the primary sacrifices, charcoal (purified), six white candles, focusing crystals...'
Timothy (DM)
And the blob is about 20 feet.[Chris: "Whoa!"] ...in diameter and resembles an amalgamation of brains. You see thick veins pulsing throughout the mass, and the whole thing is humming very quietly...
Ellie (Markie)
Hmm.
Dan (Wren)
I don't like it.
Ellie (Markie)
I'm not sure if this is our business.
Dan (Wren)
This does not seem like our business.
Ellie (Markie)
But it is... maybe by figuring out how to destroy THIS spell circle, we can fig-- learn something about how to destroy the other one.
Dan (Wren)
Or they're connected. [Ellie: "Yeah."] Or it's part of a larger sp-- maybe, like, all of the circles create the temporal lock. And so maybe breaking this one will break the whole thing.
Ellie (Markie)
They're all related.
Chris (Sal S)
How do you take--?
Timothy (DM)
That's when you notice something moving in the corner of the room. I'm gonna need you all to roll initiative [Ellie quietly groans] as several floating brains with tentacles start moving towards you.
Dan (Wren)
Brain tentacles. Tentacled brains. Every time I roll initiative with this group, it's just absolute trash.
Chris (Sal S)
Same here.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah.
Timothy (DM)
Wren? [Dan: "All 11."] Sal? [Chris: "6"] Markie? [Ellie: "Also 11"]
Dan (Wren)
What's your Dex?
Ellie (Markie)
Two?
Dan (Wren)
Plus 2. I'm like the same. 14? Or do you have 15?
Ellie (Markie)
14.
Dan (Wren)
Ok, we're the same.
Chris (Sal S)
When's your birthday?
Ellie (Markie)
You can go first.
Timothy (DM)
We're in initiative. I hope y'all hold on to your butts because several of these floating brains start zipping across the room towards you. They have these tentacles that are kind of dragging on the floor and as they come up to Markie who's probably still leading the way cuz Hero Time [Ellie: "'Cause I'm the hero!!!"] They are going to lash out at you, hitting you twice. You are going to take 11 piercing damage, and I'm going to need you to make a Constitution saving throw.
Ellie (Markie)
Okay. Okay, that's a 18.
Timothy (DM)
All right. As the tentacles hit you, you feel your skin begin to burn and sting as you feel poison start to course into your veins, but you are able to withhold your fortitude... and are fine.
Ellie (Markie)
Woof, don't get tentacled.
Timothy (DM)
Another one is going to go after Salvador.
Dan (Wren)
[happy] Yessss.
Chris (Sal S)
What?!?
Dan (Wren)
[meekly] I mean 'Nooo, not Salvador..."
Timothy (DM)
And also going to hit you once, but this is a very beefy hit.
Chris (Sal S)
My AC is 19 now because of the stone, okay.
Timothy (DM)
For 18 piercing damage, and I would also like you to make a Constitution saving throw.
Chris (Sal S)
I got 13.
Timothy (DM)
You can feel the sting on your skin, but you are fine. And a third one goes after Wren.
Dan (Wren)
Rude; absolutely rude.
Timothy (DM)
Also hitting you; you will take 4 piercing damage, and make a Constitution saving throw.
Dan (Wren)
Sal, you took 18 damage, was that right? [Chris: "I did."] Holy crap. I'll take 4; that's fine. [Tim laughs] What's my Constitution? Where is that at? That is a 7. I'm going to use a Reasoned Defense to spend a superiority dice to add to that roll. So that becomes 11?
Timothy (DM)
11 is enough. [Dan: "Oh, thank god."] No additional effect. [Dan: "Yeah, yeah."] So, there are three of these floating brains, one on each of you. Wren, what do you do?
Dan (Wren)
Sal, how much is 18 damage... for you?
Chris (Sal S)
It's about a third
Dan (Wren)
So, that's... so, like, you're not...?
Chris (Sal S)
I could probably take two more hits.
Dan (Wren)
Okay. In that case, I will... I'll just attack. I'll draw my short sword and my dagger, and I'll attack with my short sword and then probably use my bonus action to attack with my dagger... the one that's attacking me. And I am going to spend another superiority dice because I might as well use my fancy stuff to Lacerate, which means I'm going to make it bleed. I use my bonus action to Analyze it first so I can use my Intelligence instead of my Dex. And so that is a 13 to hit?
Timothy (DM)
A 13 will hit.
Dan (Wren)
Nice, so I will Lacerate, which means I add a d8 to my damage. Great: 10 piercing damage, and then it has to make... succeed on a Constitution saving throw. [Tim: "10."] That's not going to do it, and so it will take... well 1d4 of necrotic damage at the end of each turn for a minute unless it stops the bleeding by using an action.
Timothy (DM)
Okay, and what was your attack?
Dan (Wren)
10 piercing damage, and then I used my bonus action, so I'm done.
Timothy (DM)
Alright, and it's gonna take an additional 2 bleeding damage. All right, Markie.
Ellie (Markie)
Let's see... I saw Sal get got, and I am going to scoot on over to him, and I'm going to grab him by the sides, motivationally, give him a little shake, and say "You've got this! Don't fall to this feisty fiend!" and I imbue you with Bravery, and for one minute, you're immune to being frightened, and most importantly, you gain temporary hit points equal to my spell casting modifier at the start of each round or on the start of each turn.
Chris (Sal S)
Cool. What's the value of your...?
Ellie (Markie)
3. [Chris: "Okay."] So, at the start of each of your turns, you get 3 temporary hit points for the next 60 seconds.
Chris (Sal S)
Is that a Concentration spell?
Ellie (Markie)
That's a great question. Yes, it is. [Chris: "Okay."] So, I'm in the Zone.
Timothy (DM)
In the zone. [Dan: "Focused."] All right, you've just been shooken motivationally. [Tim laughs]
Chris (Sal S)
Because the creature attacked me, I'm going to use Hellish Rebuke as my reaction from their turn. [Tim: "Yeah."] And they had to do a Dexterity saving throw.
Timothy (DM)
They got a 22.
Chris (Sal S)
They passed, so they're gonna take half damage. And they take... Oh man! That's full...! So they take 15 points, they would have gotten 30 otherwise.
Dan (Wren)
Holy shit! [Tim: "Oh dammmn. Wow."]
Chris (Sal S)
So, they take 15, and now I'm going to attack it with myyyyy battleaxe. And that's going to be a total of 16 to hit. [Tim: "16 hits."] and it's going to take a whole 7 points of the slashing damage as I embed it deep into its temporal lobe
Timothy (DM)
Heck yeah.
Ellie (Markie)
Heh-heh, because it's a brain. [Tim laughs] We're undoing the temporal lock by hitting them in the temporal lobe.
Timothy (DM)
No temporal lock; temporal lobe!
Chris (Sal S)
You solved my brain puzzle. [Editor's Note: Chris meant to say 'solve' but said 'serve']
Timothy (DM)
All right. I hope everybody is ready for some more attacks. More tentacles... brain tentacles.
Dan (Wren)
So excited!
Ellie (Markie)
Yeppp, pretty much.
Timothy (DM)
So, Markie, you're get hit with tentacles yet again, [Ellie: "Oh, classic."] and you're gonna take 9 points of piercing damage, and again have to make a Constitution saving throw.
Ellie (Markie)
Great, good. That's a 3.
Timothy (DM)
In the second attempt, you feel the burn of the tentacle hit your skin and it starts to seize over your body. You have become poisoned for one minute, and you are paralyzed. You may repeat on the end of each of your turn.
Ellie (Markie)
And I assume I need... do I need to make a Concentration saving throw when I get hit with...?
Timothy (DM)
Yes, you do.
Ellie (Markie)
And that's a Constitution...
Timothy (DM)
So, it's 9 or 10 whichever is higher against your Constitution. 10 is the higher...
Chris (Sal S)
So, you have to pass a 10.
Timothy (DM)
Sorry, half damage or 10, whichever is higher against your Constitution save.
Ellie (Markie)
Great, that's a 6. Ugh, sorry, Sal.
Timothy (DM)
So concentration is dropped.
Ellie (Markie)
Aw, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Sal.
Chris (Sal S)
It was a valiant effort.
Ellie (Markie)
And you lose your...
Chris (Sal S)
My bonuses, yeah.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, when the spell ends, you lose it... so you don't even have your 3 anymore.
Chris (Sal S)
Well, this is happening concurrently. Like, they're all attacking at the same time?
Timothy (DM)
Yeah, y'all are being attacked at the same time, so it is attacking Wren (the other one is). Wren is going to get hit by the tentacles. Give me that Constitution saving throw as you take 11 piercing damage.
Dan (Wren)
11. That is a 21.
Timothy (DM)
A 21 will pass. As it lashes out at you, it also charges and gashes you with its beak.
Dan (Wren)
What?
Ellie (Markie)
It has a beak?!?
Timothy (DM)
Mmhmmmm.
Dan (Wren)
That's frickin' rude.
Timothy (DM)
You're gonna take 8 piercing damage from its beak attack. And Salvadorrr...
Chris (Sal S)
Not again!
Timothy (DM)
It misses you with its tentacle attack, but it does hit you with its beak; you're gonna take 8 piercing damage. All right, Wren. What's up?
Dan (Wren)
That's an excellent question. Sal, how you lookin'? How's it going?
Chris (Sal S)
I am at half health... below half health.
Dan (Wren)
"Same, I'm just about half health." I am going to attack it with my short sword (the one that's on me). That is a 22 to hit. Which I'm going to guess it's gonna hit...
Timothy (DM)
22 hits.
Dan (Wren)
And I will do... ohmygod, I keep rolling so low: 9 piercing damage. [Tim: "All right."] And then I am going to use my bonus action to spend a superiority dice to use Smelling Salts on myself, giving me 3. I heal myself a whole 3.
Timothy (DM)
3 is something! Markie...
Ellie (Markie)
I'm paralyzed. I can't do anything.
Timothy (DM)
You're paralyzed and poisoned. Make a Constitution saving throw.
Ellie (Markie)
That's an 8... doesn't do it.
Timothy (DM)
No. You cannot shake the poison from your veins. It is seizing control over your body.
Ellie (Markie)
What???
Timothy (DM)
And that's when you hear the voice. [Dan: "Oh no."]
Timothy (Remy)
[frantic] Yes, you found it. You found it! Give it to me. Give it to me. I WANT IT.
Ellie (Markie)
I can't talk though. So, I can't talk to Remy.
Timothy (DM)
You cannot, and you're the only one who hears this voice.
Ellie (Markie)
I'm just unclear on what Remy is talking about, like, yeah, like the poison? The brains?
Dan (Wren)
We'll find out, I'm sure.
Ellie (Markie)
I guess, yeah. That was Remy by the way.
Timothy (DM)
Salvador.
Dan (Wren)
Figured! [all laugh]
Chris (Sal S)
I see that Markie's defenseless so I'm gonna cast Guiding Bolt on their mind eater.
Ellie (Markie)
Thanks. [Tim laughs] I appreciate it. Can't say so, but I appreciate it.
Chris (Sal S)
That's only an 11.
Timothy (DM)
An 11... does not hit. [whispers] Oh, it's so close. [normal] I thought it did, but it does not hit.
Chris (Sal S)
Okay, from my last... because I have another reaction spell whenever I get hit.
Timothy (DM)
Yeah, do you want to use your reaction?
Chris (Sal S)
So, I'm going to use that on the one that's attacking me; it has to do with Dex save.
Timothy (DM)
Alright. 17.
Chris (Sal S)
So, 17 passes, but it takes half on a fail, [Dan: "Boooo."] I'm going to use Destructive Wrath, which is a Channel Divinity to make it roll. I can choose max damage on half. So, it takes a total of 8 lightning damage.
Timothy (DM)
8. All right.
Chris (Sal S)
And! Because it took lightning damage, it is now pushed 10 feet away from me.
Timothy (DM)
All right, so you are no longer engaged in melee for the time being, except it is its turn.
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah, that's the bummer of being at the end of the order. [Tim laughs]
Dan (Wren)
Where does this lightning come from?
Chris (Sal S)
It comes from...
Dan (Wren)
'Cause you summoned it from the outside of a window.
Timothy (DM)
[joking] It comes from within.
Chris (Sal S)
Well, the light... yeah, the lightning comes from within me. The Body Electric.
Dan (Wren)
Ok, gotcha. [all laugh] [Tim hums "Do the Hustle"]
Chris (Sal S)
So yeah, I run my hands together in sort of a preparation of static, and it burst from my fingertips right into the brain.
Ellie (Markie)
Wow, so cool.
Dan (Wren)
So cool.
Ellie (Markie)
[earnest] Sal is so cool.
Chris (Sal S)
You gotta get some gods on your side. It really helps out.
Ellie (Markie)
I should switch to being a cleric. [all laugh]
Dan (Wren)
We're over here, beating things with metal sticks and...
Chris (Sal S)
I mean, you could probably cause a personality shift like Phineas Gage if you, like, jam it in the right location.
Dan (Wren)
Right.
Ellie (Markie)
Hmm, yeah, they could become friendly.
Timothy (DM)
Right... Markie's brain miraculously misses its tentacle attack--
Ellie (Markie)
Even though it has advantage?
Timothy (DM)
Even though it has advantage.
Ellie (Markie)
Wait, hold on. Not to like fuck myself over, but it does... Oh...
Chris (Sal S)
Well, you have Pack Tactics, too, don't you?
Ellie (Markie)
I have Pack Tactics but that's advantage on my attack rolls. [Chris: "Yeah."] I haven't made any attack rolls: I'm a bard.
Chris (Sal S)
You gotta whip out spell attacks or sometimes.
Ellie (Markie)
I'm a dummy is what I am.
Timothy (DM)
But you do get hit with a beak attack. So, it starts chomping down on your neck
Ellie (Markie)
On poor sweet little paralyzed Markie. [Tim echoes]
Timothy (DM)
You are going to take 9 piercing damage.
Ellie (Markie)
I'm down.
Chris (Sal S)
No!
Dan (Wren)
Oh no!
Timothy (DM)
Markie collapses into the ground.
Chris (Sal S)
How much HP do you have?
Ellie (Markie)
29 points.
Chris (Sal S)
Oh my goodness.
Ellie (Markie)
"Ooof!" I can't make any noises. I just collapse silently.
Timothy (DM)
Wren, you're gonna get hit by a beak attack as well. [Dan: "Greattt."] But not the tentacle attacks.
Dan (Wren)
That's good; the tentacle attacks look scary.
Timothy (DM)
For 5 piercing damage.
Dan (Wren)
There goes that 3 that I healed myself for.
Timothy (DM)
And Salvador. You're gonna get hit by the tentacle attack, unfortunately, which is going to do 7 piercing damage and make that Constitution saving throw.
Chris (Sal S)
Oh my gosh, I've been rolling so badly now: it's an 8, which I imagined fails.
Timothy (DM)
Yeah, that fails. So, you are also poisoned and paralyzed.
Dan (Wren)
Excellent. [Tim wheezes]
Chris (Sal S)
Wren! Drag our bodies!
Ellie (Markie)
C'mon, Wren! You're a doctor!
Dan (Wren)
Ironically, I could have picked up something that I could cure poison, but I didn't. I didn't pick it up. I'm looking through my abilities to see what I can do.
Timothy (DM)
Markie, make a death saving throw.
Ellie (Markie)
That's a 1!
Chris (Sal S)
Noooo.
Dan (Wren)
That's double fail.
Ellie (Markie)
That's double fail.
Timothy (DM)
That's double fail.
Ellie (Markie)
Jesus Christ.
Chris (Sal S)
I was gonna heal you.
Dan (Wren)
Lord.
Ellie (Markie)
Fucking BYE MARKIE. Enjoy letting Remy own your body forever.
Timothy (Remy)
[desperate] Markie, no. Don't! LEAVE MEEEEE.
Chris (Sal S)
You're the one--
Ellie (Markie)
I'm trying my fucking best here, Remy, okay!
Timothy (DM)
Wren, what are you doing?
Dan (Wren)
Ok, so is Markie within range of me right now? Or will I have to move to get to Markie.
Timothy (DM)
You will have to take an attack if opportunity.
Dan (Wren)
Okay, well, I will take an attack of opportunity then.
Ellie (Markie)
Oh, that's so nice of you. You don't have to do that for me.
Dan (Wren)
You are one death save away from *actually* being dead. [Chris: "Yeah."]
Ellie (Markie)
[resigned] Yeah, but Markie's relived the same day for 17 years--
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, so let's get you to tomorrow! You NEED TO SEE TOMORROW! [To Tim]
Ellie (Markie)
If that's not death, what is?
Dan (Wren)
Okay, take it... Yeah.
Timothy (DM)
It misses.
Dan (Wren)
Oh, God bless. [all laugh] So I run over to Markie. Instinctively, I, like, flourish my cloak to, like, create a little tent around [Ellie: "Oh my god."] and then I'm going to spend a superiority dice to heal you...
Ellie (Markie)
So sad I'm not conscious to see it; I bet it looks so cool.
Dan (Wren)
And I heal you for 9.
Ellie (Markie)
Yay!
Timothy (DM)
So, Markie pops back up.
Ellie (Markie)
Is my poison and paralysis also healed, or am I still poison and paralyzed?
Timothy (DM)
Make a Constitution saving throw.
Ellie (Markie)
That's a 10. I'm sorry! My constitution's bad; it's my dump stat. [Tim: "Oh nooo."] I didn't think we'd be using it this much to be honest. [all laugh] Also, all my spells are bad; they're... a lot of them are focused on, like, being frightened or being charmed. [all go "Aww.", Chris: "Very interactional."] So, if that ever happens, I got you.
Dan (Wren)
We're golden.
Timothy (DM)
Unfortunately, that failed.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, that's fine. I do not pop back up.
Dan (Wren)
Oh, no. But you're not dying.
Ellie (Markie)
But I'm not dying. I'm alive.
Timothy (DM)
You are alive. Salvador.
Chris (Sal S)
This is a Constitution throw to break out of my paralysis?
Timothy (DM)
Yeahhhh. Uh huh.
Chris (Sal S)
Okay, I got an 18.
Timothy (DM)
Okay. You break out of your paralysis. [Chris *woops*] Just like that; you throw your hands up in the air *woop!*
Chris (Sal S)
Is it the end of my turn because I passed it? [Tim: "Yeah."] Okay. Well, do I have movement?
Timothy (DM)
You do you have movement.
Chris (Sal S)
So I'm gonna move towards Markie. Alright, and I probably can't drag them but I'm gonna get ready to drag them on my turn.
Timothy (DM)
You're gonna take an attack of opportunity.
Chris (Sal S)
[weighing his options] Oh, if that's... yeah. Okay. I'll do that.
Timothy (DM)
They miss. [Chris: "Ok, good."] All right, back up to the top of the order, which means brain buddies.
Dan (Wren)
They're flying, right?
Timothy (DM)
Oh, yeah, they're flying. They float. And they have tentacles and all of the beaks and the things.
Dan (Wren)
I was trying to think of, like, how we could cheese this with the... with the portable hole.
Timothy (DM)
...they're super cute.
Chris (Sal S)
Oh, yeah. Like, just drape it over top of them.
Ellie (Markie)
Or... well, no, you have to place it on a surface. But if you place it on a surface and then lure them in and then pick it up and close it, they start suffocating.
Dan (Wren)
Or do they breathe?
Chris (Sal S)
I don't know. Well, they need oxygen 'cause they're brains.
Dan (Wren)
That's true.
Timothy (DM)
Oh, but you're paralyzed. That was the advantage roll, and you're gonna get hit with another beak attack.
Dan (Wren)
I am covering Markie to be fair just to, like... as sort of like a visual... [Tim: "Ohh."] I am currently covering Markie with my cloak.
Timothy (DM)
You're right.
Dan (Wren)
So, that probably means I take damage.
Timothy (DM)
So, first attack misses. The first one misses completely (both of its attacks on you) as it literally tries to attack the cape; it just gets all confused.
Ellie (Markie)
Ha! It's dumb. It's a dumb brain.
Dan (Wren)
Stupid brain.
Timothy (DM)
Then the second one that's on Wren is going to hit with its beak attack. [Dan: "Ugh, great."] So, you are going to take 9 piercing damage.
Dan (Wren)
I'm not looking good, y'all.
Ellie (Markie)
What do you want us to do about that?
Dan (Wren)
I don't know. I'm not the only healer in this party!
Timothy (DM)
Salvador is not going to get hit by anything. I had been rolling *really* well at the beginning of this fight--
Chris (Sal S)
I was, like... the 18 points from the get-go.
Timothy (DM)
--and now I'm rolling regular. So... [Dan: "I'll take it."] It is Wren's turn. What are you doing?
Dan (Wren)
Nothing else I can do for Markie, unfortunately.
Ellie (Markie)
That's okay. I'm chillin'. I'm G chillin'.
Dan (Wren)
Which have we attacked the most? I forget.
Timothy (DM)
Salvador's has taken the most damage.
Chris (Sal S)
It's taken 30 points of damage.
Timothy (DM)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not looking great either. [Dan: "Gotcha."] [out the side of his mouth] Not quite as bad as some of you, but he's also not looking great. [laughs]
Dan (Wren)
I will attack what was Markie's and now is mine. [Ellie: "Thanks."] That is a...
Timothy (DM)
That one hasn't taken any damage.
Dan (Wren)
Oh! That one hasn't taken any damage? [Tim: "No."] Oh, I thought... What about the one that was on me? Where's that one at? I've lost track.
Timothy (DM)
It's also still on you.
Dan (Wren)
Then I'll attack that one. [Tim: "Yeah, yeah."] I'm good at attacking. That is a 16 to hit?
Timothy (DM)
16 will hit.
Dan (Wren)
11 piercing damage.
Timothy (DM)
Alright. It's also not going to great.
Dan (Wren)
Then I will use my bonus action to attack with my dagger as well.
Timothy (DM)
You can see, like, blood dripping from its, like, bruised brain matter.
Dan (Wren)
13 to hit? [Tim: "13 will hit."] Now do I expend another one...? Oh, has it been taking damage at the end of its turn for bleeding? [Tim: "Mm-mm"] I mean, you don't have to do it because I forgot to remind you.
Timothy (DM)
No, no, that's on me. And it's been two turns, so it's gonna take 4 more damage.
Dan (Wren)
Yes! And then I hit it with 1 piercing damage with my dagger.
Ellie (Markie)
Wowww.
Timothy (DM)
It's something.
Chris (Sal S)
[to self] Oh, I could cast Darkness on them all.
Timothy (DM)
Yours is now looking the worst. [Dan: "Yes!"] And Markie, make that Constitution save.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, 15? Please! God please! YES!
Timothy (DM)
A 15 saves. A 15 saves. YRRR!
Ellie (Markie)
Markie's back! She has 9 hit points, and she's back with a fucking vengeance. That's my whole turn, though, right?
Timothy (DM)
That's your whole turn, though.
Ellie (Markie)
But, I, uh... I've been lying on the ground and my eyes just *boop* fly open.
Timothy (DM)
*yawns* 'AHHH. That hurt!'
Dan (Wren)
You don't have Mass Cure Wounds yet, do you?
Chris (Sal S)
What?
Dan (Wren)
Mass Cure Wounds? You don't have that yet, do you?
Chris (Sal S)
No, not yet.
Dan (Wren)
Dang it.
Timothy (DM)
Salvador. What'cha cookin'?
Chris (Sal S)
Ok, which one...? So, you say Wren's looks worse than mine? [Tim: "Yeah."] I'm just gonna do another one level spell of... the Guiding Bolt. [Tim: "All right."] Okay, that's gonna be a 15? [Tim: "That hits."] Ok. So, they're going to take 4d6 of what-cha-ma-call-it damage.
Timothy (DM)
4D6!
Chris (Sal S)
It's probably going to kill... I'm doing it on the one that I was attacking. [Tim: "Yeah."] So that's 4d6--
Dan (Wren)
You're just gonna obliterate this thing.
Chris (Sal S)
It's gonna go to brain pulp. Well, we'll get the pulp of the intelligent creature for sure. So, that's gonna be a total of 19 points of light damage... of radiant damage and what happens to the brain?
Timothy (DM)
It is pulpy but not dead.
Chris (Sal S)
So, attacks on it have advantage until my turn... my next turn.
Timothy (DM)
All right, it's their turn, but they no longer have advantage on anyone, so that's a plus. Wren. Are you still shielding Markie?
Dan (Wren)
I am standing next to Markie, I guess, because Markis is up.
Timothy (DM)
So, you're fending off two of them. [Dan: "Sure."] Okay. [Dan: "Great."] The first one doesn't. [Dan: "Yes!"] but the second one... doesn't hit either! Oh my gosh! [Dan laughs] I rolled a 15; your AC is 16.
Dan (Wren)
Sure is.
Timothy (DM)
Sucks for these brain bodies.
Dan (Wren)
I'm just too smart to be hit is kind of what it is. [laughs]
Timothy (DM)
Wren, what would you like to do?
Dan (Wren)
They both missed?
Timothy (DM)
Oh, they both missed, but we still have the one on Salvador.
Dan (Wren)
I was gonna say...
Timothy (DM)
Which because Salvador's armor class is ridiculous does not hit either.
Chris (Sal S)
Woo! It's 19 now. 'Cause I have a shield and heavy armor.
Timothy (DM)
It is 19, and I just rolled a 16. All right, Wren, you're up?
Dan (Wren)
I'm going to try to finish off this one that's in front of me. I think it's the best thing; get one off the board. That is a 17 to hit. [Tim: "17 hits."] That [*sigh*] Lord, that's 8 piercing damage.
Timothy (DM)
All right: does not kill it. [laughs]
Dan (Wren)
Dagger. Oh, wait! It takes bleeding damage. Bleeding damage, bleeding dang damage.
Timothy (DM)
And it takes the bleeding damage...takes 3 more bleeding damage.
Dan (Wren)
Still not dead? [Tim: "No."] Freaking... freaking frick!
Timothy (DM)
But it is getting real freaking close. It's hovering slightly lower. Blood is oozing and sploshing out the bottom of the brain matter, splashing to the floor.
Dan (Wren)
For the sake of doing more damage to it (at least I'm going to try) I'm going to drop my dagger and pull out that fancy short sword that I got from above the bed.
Ellie (Markie)
Oh, the ceremonial ceremonial one?
Dan (Wren)
And I'm hoping, like, I don't know how sharp or how, like, good it is. I imagine it's, like, sharp enough to do damage, right?
Timothy (DM)
It might be? It might give you bludgeoning.
Dan (Wren)
Okay, well, I'm gonna try. I'm swinging with it. Swinging with it. Alright, what do I roll?
Timothy (DM)
Alright, roll your attack.
Dan (Wren)
24.
Timothy (DM)
24. Roll a d6.
Dan (Wren)
That's a normal shortsword.
Timothy (DM)
And add your Strength.
Dan (Wren)
Add my Strength... [laughs] Subtract 1. Yeah, [Ellie: "Great."]. That's 0.
Ellie (Markie)
Wow.
Dan (Wren)
I do zero damage to it with my shortsword. [Tim: "Zero damage."]
Ellie (Markie)
The ceremonial short sword is a piece of shit.
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah, it's blunted.
Dan (Wren)
[rules lawyer-y] But it's my offhand, so I don't add any... I'm just kidding.
Chris (Sal S)
That's the crazy thing, like, when Ken said that, that was... [Editor's Note: I believe this came up with Midnight Dunreath and her miscellaneous offhand weapon attacks.]
Timothy (DM)
It technically is true.
Ellie (Markie)
So, you DON'T add your Strength.
Timothy (DM)
So you do 1.
Dan (Wren)
So I do 1 damage?
Timothy (DM)
So, you do 1.
Ellie (Markie)
You're BETTER with your offhand.
Dan (Wren)
I just bludgeon it with a dull sword.
Timothy (DM)
And that is... that is D&D logic. Cool, so you do one more damage; it's looking about equally as bad as the one in front of Salvador.
Dan (Wren)
Bollocks. I don't think I have anything else to do. I don't have any reactions, which I need to react, I need something anyway so that's it.
Timothy (DM)
All right, Markie. You get to go.
Ellie (Markie)
Oh my god, how novel! [Editor's Note: Ellie has not done anything since her initial Bravery spell] Folks, I'm really hoping that these creatures can hear and understand me because I've got quite a good plan (what I think is quite a good plan) So... I'm going to start: so you hear as Markie has been lying on the ground, her eyes flip open. You guys are fighting, you guys are fighting, and then from behind you, you just hear *tick tock tick tock* as Markie stands up holding her little metronome in her hand and she looks at the one that was on her (I think?) the one that has... that doesn't have that much damage yet, right? [Tim: "Any."] Any damage. And she looks directly at it. She's so FUCKING pissed. And she says "Beastial brain, your paralyzing psychosis bears no influence in this place." and she is casting Unsettling Words, so as a bonus action, it has to subtract 1d8 from the next saving throw it makes before the start of my next turn, and then I, with like, more thunderous little voice than you would think could come out of this body, I just scream "LEAVE! THIS! PLACE!" and I'm casting Suggestion and it has to make Wisdom saving throw and subtract 1d8 from it. God, I really fucking hope this works. [Dan laughs]
Timothy (DM)
Does a 12 pass?
Ellie (Markie)
It does not! And did that... was that subtracting the d8 too? [Tim: "Correct."] Okay, it doesn't! So, it has to...!
Timothy (DM)
I rolled--
Ellie (Markie)
Okay, um, yeah...
Timothy (DM)
I rolled high on the d20 but also high on the d8.
Ellie (Markie)
Yes! *woof* Geez Louise. [Chris: "Nailed it."] Okay. Yeah, 'the suggestion is worded in a manner that makes the course of action sound reasonable.' I feel like 'leave this place' is fairly reasonable... 'and on a failed save, it pursues the course of action you described, which can continue for up to eight hours.' [Dan: "Eight hours!"] It is a Concentration spell, though... So... boys, don't let me get hit.
Chris (Sal S)
Stay in the back.
Timothy (DM)
You are concentrating, and this brain starts to float on out the tunnel from whence you all came.
Chris (Sal S)
[a la Dracula] Begone!
Dan (Wren)
We're gonna have to go back that way anyway.
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah, it's like 'What are you doing here?'
Ellie (Markie)
That's a problem for later. [Dan: "That's true.", all laugh]
Timothy (DM)
Salvador.
Chris (Sal S)
Okay, so because of Guiding Bolt succeeded last time, I now have advantage on my Sacred Flame to wipe this brain off the map. And that's going to be a total of 23 to hit. [Tim: "That hits."] and that's going to be 11 points of radiant damage.
Timothy (DM)
Finish it.
Chris (Sal S)
So, as-as Sal prepares, and he looks this brain dead in th-- where the eyes would be on the brain. [Tim laughs]
Ellie (Markie)
We keep trying to make eye contact with this brain. [all laugh]
Timothy (DM)
It does have a beak, so it has, like, a natural mouth location. Just no eyeballs, no.
Chris (Sal S)
And I say "What's the bright idea?" as this brilliant... as this brilliant column of yellow light pierces into the lobes as it starts to bubble like a big wad of chewing gum and explode. *poof*
Ellie (Markie)
Brain matter.
Dan (Wren)
We're COVERED in brain matter.
Timothy (DM)
Brain matter SPLATTERS across the room.
Chris (Sal S)
And that's my turn.
Timothy (DM)
[whispers] And there is one left... [normal] that is going to attack Wren.
Dan (Wren)
[weakly] Noo...
Timothy (DM)
It is going to miss its tentacle attack [Dan: "Thank god."] ...but crit on its beak attack.
Dan (Wren)
I'm probably down.
Chris (Sal S)
I got healin'.
Ellie (Markie)
*sighs in relief* Good, I don't.
Timothy (DM)
20 piercing damage [Dan: "That's down."] as it just gashes your arm. You scream out in pain as you faint to the ground. [Ellie wails] Just like that.
Dan (Wren)
Yep, just like that.
Timothy (DM)
Make a death saving throw because it's now your turn.
Dan (Wren)
7. That's a fail.
Timothy (DM)
That's a fail. Markie.
Ellie (Markie)
I.... what is that, a Medicine check? [Tim: "You whisper across the room."] Yeah, I... my Medicine isn't very good...
Chris (Sal S)
I mean, you just have to beat a 10.
Ellie (Markie)
Okay, sure. I'll try and... I'll do what Wren did for me. I'll sprint over to him. I'll kneel beside him and I'll...
Timothy (DM)
Do you throw out an invisible cape? [Chris laughs]
Chris (Sal S)
Your mink!
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, well, no, I don't know that he did that because I was down the first time [Tim: "Yeah, you were unconscious for that."] But I did wake up with Wren, like, standing over me, so that's nice and...
Dan (Wren)
Oh, I wish I could talk...
Ellie (Markie)
So, I run over to you at and I... you got beaked? That's what gotcha?
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, I got beaked. [Tim echoes]
Ellie (Markie)
He got beaked. So, I'm going to just hold pressure on... [grasps for words] beak wounds.
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, I've got, like, four beak wounds. Just sayin'.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, you've got more beak wounds that I got hands but yeah, I'm going to try to...
Timothy (DM)
There's one in particular that's, like, very deep cut.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, I'm gonna, like, lean my whole weight on it as I pat your little cheek. I'm like, "Stay with me! Don't perish, my pal!"
Timothy (DM)
Yeah, blood is, like, pooling around the impression on your hands, but you do seem to be slowing it, right? [Ellie: "Well, shall I?"] Let's make a... let's make a check.
Ellie (Markie)
Okay, that's a 15 Medicine.
Timothy (DM)
Ok, yeah. So, it does seem to be slowing, and you are stabilizing. [Dan: "Beautiful."] Wren?
Ellie (Markie)
Defy death! Defy death, Wren!
Dan (Wren)
Wouldn't be the first time. [laughs]
Timothy (DM)
That takes us to Salvador. [Chris: "Okay."]
Dan (Wren)
Blow this motha' up.
Chris (Sal S)
I'm going to do exactly that, and I'm going to attack it again with my Sacred Flame.
Dan (Wren)
I'm waiting for this battleaxe to come out. You talk about it so much, and you never use it.
Chris (Sal S)
I was thinking about... I was thinking about... okay. I was... I was really--
Dan (Wren)
I mean, you don't have to...
Chris (Sal S)
[earnestly] The problem with the battleaxe is that it... like, meta: it's, like.. it's not as strong as the cantrip of Sacred Flame. But...
Dan (Wren)
Do what you want.
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah, I'll go with the battleaxe. As I pulled out, I get a very low damage dice, but I hit with a 14? [Tim: "Yes, you do."] And I do 5 points of slashing damage as I embed it into the lobe. *wah-chunk!*
Dan (Wren)
[laughing] I shouldn't have told you what to do!
Chris (Sal S)
And it's now stuck in there because it's all goopy.
Timothy (DM)
It is on death's door.
Dan (Wren)
Arggg. Punch it! Punch it!
Chris (Sal S)
I've got my left hook. I got my shield my hand, so... Yeah.
Ellie (Markie)
Oh.
Timothy (DM)
Yeah.. you could totally do that.
Dan (Wren)
You could... technically, you could Unarmed Strike with your bonus action.
Chris (Sal S)
Oh, yeah. I'll try to Unarmed Strike.
Dan (Wren)
Right? Because it's technically your offhand?
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah, it's my offhand.
Ellie (Markie)
Make an offhand attack. You don't get proficiency, yeah.
Timothy (DM)
Just don't use your proficiency.
Chris (Sal S)
So, I don't use it on my attack roll or my damage?
Timothy (DM)
Do you have proficiency in Unarmed?
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah, so I get an 11.
Timothy (DM)
That does not hit.
Chris (Sal S)
My hand's just smushed up there now.
Ellie (Markie)
Mmm, gross.
Dan (Wren)
Your shield.
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah, I'm at least holding it at bay.
Timothy (DM)
It is going to try to lash back out at you, Salvador, so it is going to make its tentacle and beak attack. I rolled two 18s, and your AC is a 19. [Chris: "Mmmhm."]
Dan (Wren)
Oh. [whispers] Lord.
Chris (Sal S)
Thank goodness for this floating yel-- floating jewel that I got. [all laugh]
Timothy (DM)
So your little floating stone rose is just going to, like, deflect its attacks as it spins around you, and you see just, like, little shimmering magical barriers just kind of *pshh* and it is Markie's turn. [laughs]
Chris (Sal S)
Do it, Markie.
Dan (Wren)
DO IT. FINISH IT. [laughs]
Ellie (Markie)
Markie... Oh, fuck it, let's finish it Markie's Way. [Tim laughs] Okay, she's gonna look at the brain (metronome ticking) and say, "Back off my buddy, brain bastard." And that's Unsettling Words, so that's her bonus action; it has to subtract 1d8 from its next save [Tim: "So unsettling."] and then she is going to hit it with a Vicious Mockery and say, "You're nasty, not nice, ugly, unrepentant, uncouth, hideous, horrible. I HATE you!" and so it has to make a Wisdom saving throw with minus 1d8.
Timothy (DM)
A 9.
Ellie (Markie)
It does not make it; it takes 1d4 psychic damage. [Chris screams] I hope that does it - that's the only offensive spell. [all laugh]
Timothy (DM)
You hear this, like, piercing ring start to build throughout the chamber, and the brain bursts. Again: splattering you all in brain matter. [Chris: [radly] "Yeahhhh."]
Dan (Wren)
It's okay. I'm unconscious; I feel nothing. [all laugh]
Timothy (DM)
And you're out of combat.
Chris (Sal S)
I heal Wren.
Dan (Wren)
Oh, god bless.
Chris (Sal S)
So, you get 3d4+3? (I think). You got 9. [Dan: "Beautiful."] and the Healing Word is 'cerebral'. [Tim snorts, "Oh no..."]
Ellie (Markie)
Upsetting.
Dan (Wren)
Traumatic. [gasps awake] Oh, oh, they're gone. Okay. God bless. Or 'Tao bless us' or whoever it was...
Chris (Sal S)
It's whoever you want. Who do you worship? Is there a god of... anatomy?
Timothy (DM)
Apathy? [all laugh]
Dan (Wren)
God of apathy... It's just me. [all laugh]
Chris (Sal S)
You're your own god.
Dan (Wren)
No, I don't worship a god. I find them distrustful.
Chris (Sal S)
That's probably wise.
Ellie (Markie)
"So, Remy, you still here?" I close my eyes and I think.
Timothy (DM)
Give me a Wisdom-based roll that you feel attuned to.
Ellie (Markie)
An Insight perhaps? [Tim: "Sure."] Insight into Remy's nature. Okay, that's a 13.
Timothy (DM)
All right. You close your eyes, and you reach out into space... you think? [Tim laughs] and call out to Remy. And... it's hard to hear at first, but then you hear very faintly "Markie, Markie..."
Ellie (Markie)
Remy?
Timothy (Remy)
Yes.
Ellie (Markie)
Sorry. I was a little distracted by the brains, but you said this is what you wanted?
Timothy (Remy)
[breathless] Yessss. Yes! Yes, yes, yes! Give it to me! GIve me it!
Ellie (Markie)
Hold on. Wait. I know you're excited, but you're gonna have to calm down and be a little bit more specific about what it is 'cause there's a lot of stuff in this room.
Timothy (Remy)
The big brain. I want it. GIVE IT TO MEEEE.
Ellie (Markie)
Oh, the big brain is what you want? [to Sal and Wren] Hey, team. So, Remy really wants the big brain. I don't necessarily have a problem with giving it to them 'cause I'm not planning to use it for anything, ut what do you guys think?
Chris (Sal S)
...no.
Ellie (Markie)
No? [laughs]
Dan (Wren)
How would you give it to them?
Ellie (Markie)
I have to fall asleep holding it... [all laugh]
Chris (Sal S)
You think you can sleep in a place like this?
Ellie (Markie)
You know what? I've got a spell for that. [all laugh]
Chris (Sal S)
I actually have a spell for that too!
Dan (Wren)
[laughs] I could use the sit down.
Ellie (Markie)
"I think we could all use a sit down." Can I take a look at the big brain? [Tim: "Yeah."] I don't want to... if it has tentacles, I'm steering clear those but...
Timothy (DM)
It doesn't have tentacles per se; it just has, like, these giant throbbing veins that are kind of just, like, tendrilling out around the various amalgamating portions of the brain. All of it is kind of throbbing and humming.
Ellie (Markie)
I can't imagine what Remy could possibly want this for. Hmmm... What about the circle, the spell circle? Is it this one; is it the same?
Timothy (DM)
It is, yeah. It is a circle with a triangle in it with some points stickin' out of it and some weird circles, and there are some white candles around it. It seems to be made out of all of the materials from the ingredients list that you found in the other room. Candles are lit.
Ellie (Markie)
Well, so it says pay the price, but it seems like a price has already been paid.
Timothy (DM)
[Chris: "Yeah."] Give me an Investigation check as you're inspecting the brain. [Ellie: "3"]. All right.
Ellie (Markie)
Big brain. Biggg brain.
Timothy (DM)
Big. Biggg brain. Very lumpy brain. Not like a normal brain. Lots of weird lumpies.
Chris (Sal S)
Well, I think that we should probably dispose of this brain. Did he say that it has to be living?
Ellie (Markie)
Remy tends not to be that specific about things.
Timothy (DM)
Wren, you notice at the base of the brain, there's, like, clothing [Dan: "Gross."] that's been decayed... and jewels, gems!
Dan (Wren)
[bluntly] Listen. [all laugh] I am already packing a lot of gems and jewels. I don't know if I wanna go up to the...
Ellie (Markie)
You can't be tempted by brain gems. [Dan: "Right!"]
Timothy (DM)
But as you look at all this, you notice the clothing is, like, shredded, like something burst out of them.
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, this brain was a person: (what my thoughts are).
Timothy (DM)
More than one set of clothes.
Dan (Wren)
This brain was persons.
Chris (Sal S)
Merged.
Ellie (Markie)
People.
Dan (Wren)
Burst and merged together.
Chris (Sal S)
It's pretty big, because it's like 20 foot round. [Tim: "Mmhm, yeah."]
Dan (Wren)
So, lots of persons.
Ellie (Markie)
Oh, I wonder if one of these people was Remy. They said they were looking for their body, and they didn't know where it was. [Chris and Dan: "Ewwww."] I don't know if they want this body; I wouldn't want this body. [Chris: "It's not even a body."] It's a... it's a gross body if that's the body that they want.
Dan (Wren)
You would have to fall asleep while holding it, right?
Ellie (Markie)
I have to fall asleep holding it. You guys get the easy way out.
Dan (Wren)
Just to sleep [Ellie echoes]
Chris (Sal S)
Oh, but how long does your spell on the mind guy last?
Ellie (Markie)
As long as I keep concentrating, it lasts up to eight hours, and I'm hoping when I said leave this place, I kind of meant like 'the castle' and I'm hoping it interprets it similarly and isn't just, like, chilling in the next room. [Tim laughs]
Chris (Sal S)
Can it open doors?
Ellie (Markie)
It has tentatcles.
Timothy (DM)
It has tentacles, I think... maybe.
Ellie (Markie)
I don't think there really were any doors.
Dan (Wren)
And we left most of the doors open. [Ellie echoes]
Ellie (Markie)
So, hopefully it's just, like... going on a vacation. [Chris: "Peace, yeah."] And the candles are all lit, etc. etc? [Tim: "Mmhmm."] If I tried to put out a candle with Prestidigitation, what happens?
Timothy (DM)
You see the magic spark in your fingertips, and the candles stay lit.
Ellie (Markie)
It's like the other one.
Dan (Wren)
Ay-yi-yi.
Chris (Sal S)
Can we take these candles and just bring them with us, effectively ending the spell?
Ellie (Markie)
Can you lift them?
Chris (Sal S)
I want to try to lift one of the candles.
Timothy (DM)
Give me Strength roll.
Chris (Sal S)
Hey, baby, that's my... not my dump stat, but it is... is not a good stat. That's a 19.
Timothy (DM)
All right, you put significant effort into lifting this candle out of its spot, and the more you do, the more you feel a surge of arcane energy build in you, and then it zaps you, throwing you, and you're gonna take [Dan: "Oh!", Ellie: "Oh no."] 2 bludgeoning damage [Chris: "Not bad."] as you're thrown against the cave wall.
Ellie (Markie)
Well, what if this brain is, like, powering all of this, you know?
Dan (Wren)
Right, so did Remy mention what happens to the thing that you're holding when you sleep? Does it, like, disappear?
Ellie (Markie)
Well, I did it with the book, and yeah, it disappeared. It was enveloped by darkness and then disappeared. [Dan: "Oh."] Because I said I gave Remy one of the books that I had (of stories that I had) so that they could have a hobby.
Dan (Wren)
So, maybe if you fell asleep with this brain in your hand, it'll disappear...
Ellie (Markie)
That's LITERALLY what I've been saying.
Chris (Sal S)
Oh, gotcha.
Dan (Wren)
Okay, okay, okay.
Chris (Sal S)
I thought it would, like... Remy would come out but okay.
Ellie (Markie)
No, no, I go into the Void with whatever I have on my person at that time. I go into, like, the dream Void and with everything that I've got, and in the dream Void, I can give Remy stuff. And Remy can give me stuff like this hole. [holds up hole]
Chris (Sal S)
Well, we can suffocate the brain! Oh, you don't want to ruin it for Remy.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, I mean, Remy hasn't done me wrong so far.
Chris (Sal S)
It probably will solve... something? I don't know.
Ellie (Markie)
It will change something. Probably. And I mean, right now the brain is probably not on our side because all those baby flying brains were not on our side. [Chris: "Yeah."] But if Remy owns the brain, Remy is on our side. [Dan: "Ok."] That's my pitch. [Chris: "Sure."]
Dan (Wren)
That seems reasonable.
Chris (Sal S)
Maybe we can take a short rest so that if anything deleterious from the brain happens, you don't instantly K.O. you. [Editor's Note: K.O. stands for "knock out", a boxing term.]
Ellie (Markie)
I don't really want to fall asleep touching this thing, but *argggg*!
Dan (Wren)
You gotta spell for that, right?
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah! You got Prestidigitation.
Ellie (Markie)
Does that make me fall asleep?
Chris (Sal S)
No, but that cleans your clothes.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah... but I did... when I was talking to Remy, I was like, 'Oh, do I need to fall asleep with the brain?' And they were like, 'No, you'll know what to do.' But I don't know what to do, and I think I need to fall asleep holding the brain.
Dan (Wren)
Well, we'll be here.
Ellie (Markie)
Okay. I'm gonna cast Cat Nap on myself, I guess.
Dan (Wren)
How long does Cat Nap lasts for: is it five minutes?
Ellie (Markie)
Ten minutes [Dan echoes]
Timothy (DM)
So, your plan is to hold the brain and then cast Cat Nap, right?
Ellie (Markie)
Yes, it's just S/M.
Timothy (DM)
Okay, so you go...
Ellie (Markie)
Oh, wait, S is gesture. I'll gesture with one hand...
Timothy (DM)
Somatic, and yeah, that's fine.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, I'll sit down, and I'll like *ugh* "Fuck, I'll touch the brain".
Timothy (DM)
So, you place your hands on the brain. [Ellie: "Yeah, I hate it so much. *killed*"] Your consciousness is instantly pulled from the space. You start FLINGING through stars and galaxies and space and time, and stuff is just flying past you. You're warping and warbling and whipping all around, and all of this information and noise and sounds and lights and colors are FILLING your brain and then just DRAINING out and everything is filtering through you. All the knowledge of the universe is just FLINGING itself through your body.
Ellie (Markie)
This doesn't seem good for me! [all laugh]
Timothy (DM)
And then you pull away. [Ellie winces] Visions stop.
Ellie (Markie)
Don't touch the brain! Report! Update! Breaking news! Don't touch the brain. Oh, I wipe my hands on my coveralls. Okay, that's not going to work. I can't fall asleep while the entirety of human knowledge is filtering through my tiny body. [Dan: "Oh, is that what it was?!?"] That's what it was!
Dan (Wren)
Whoa, fun. You just froze for a second.
Ellie (Markie)
No, not really. I thought I was gonna puke. [Dan: "Okay..."] Nevermind them.
Chris (Sal S)
What if you fall asleep, and then we move your hand to touch it?
Ellie (Markie)
Then the entirety of human knowledge will filter through my tiny body!
Chris (Sal S)
But only for... I guess we don't know how long it takes for Remy to take over an object.
Dan (Wren)
What if you put something in your hands (like a cloth), like hold it with the cloth? [Ellie: "Hmm, yeah."] I could try it. See if I see all of human knowledge...
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, go for it. I mean, did it do anything bad to me? Besides being very overwhelmed?
Timothy (DM)
Hard to tell. [Ellie echoes] Salvador, can I have you do an Arcana roll?
Chris (Sal S)
That's my skill. That's an 8.
Ellie (Markie)
[Tim pouts] Disappointed DM face.
Timothy (DM)
[laughs] Disappointed DM face... I try to throw you a bone... no. Yeah, you are thinking about ceremonial magic. And you're like, 'Huh, like it's usually complicated, but, like, you get more powerful things out of it.' Hence why these are, like, supercharged spells, which is why they're so freaking difficult. But you're kinda just racking your brain for, like, what that means for your current situation. And you're just like, 'Hmm, maybe performing them could have an effect. I know typically ceremonial magic has, like, a lot of variables in it besides just the ingredients.'
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah, it's the motions and what you say... Oh, we have those words! We probably don't want to say them, but...
Ellie (Markie)
But we've got them if we want them. [Chris: "Yeah."]
Timothy (DM)
You have the words.
Ellie (Markie)
I'm curious if the... maybe this is a stretch, but if the clothes of the exploded bodies at the bottom of the corpse match any of the clothes that we saw anybody in any of the paintings or pictures wearing? [Chris: "Yeah."] Like, for example this unique floral embroidered situation or...
Dan (Wren)
This is Gladys. [all laugh]
Ellie (Markie)
Well, it might be Gladys and like five other friggin' people!
Timothy (DM)
Victor Valerian wore a very *particular* amulet. [Chris and Ellie: "Oooo"] and it is on the ground next to this brain. [Ellie heaves]
Dan (Wren)
How close to the edge is the, um... [all laugh]
Timothy (DM)
You fucking klepto!
Dan (Wren)
NO, actually, 'cause if it's a particular amulet, maybe it's tied to, like, magic or this spell or something. [Ellie: "Yeah."]
Timothy (DM)
Okay. I mean, it's on the ground. It's kind of stuck into the brain a little bit. Everything's kinda st-. There's, like, a viscousy build up...at the base of the brain.
Dan (Wren)
Twilight, get it! (I'm just kidding). [all laugh]
Ellie (Markie)
Where was the picture? Was that the swirly one with the arrows coming out of it?
Timothy (DM)
No, this is just a jeweled amulet that notice.
Ellie (Markie)
Oh, this isn't like one of his symbolic amulets.
Timothy (DM)
Not the symbolic amulet. [Dan: "Oh, okay."]
Ellie (Markie)
So Victor's in here.
Timothy (DM)
You do actually see one of those, though. sticking out of, like, another place with some other clothing.
Ellie (Markie)
Oh, which... Is it the eye? Or is it the swirl with the arrows or...?
Timothy (DM)
It's the eye with the swirl in the middle and the lips...
Ellie (Markie)
Oh, the whole kit and caboodle of the Silence.
Dan (Wren)
Oh, and the mouth on it.
Timothy (DM)
The whole kit and caboodle of the Silence. And then you look around the other side of the brain, and you see another of the same amulet.
Dan (Wren)
The Silence one... are any within reach that I can grab without entering the circle? That I can lean over and... or from the outside...?
Timothy (DM)
I mean, this is all on the outside of the ceremonial circle. It's all, like, growing out of the side of the platform that this ceremonial circle is on.
Dan (Wren)
Ok, I'm gonna HATE doing this, but I'm going to try and pull one of the Silence amulets out of it WITHOUT touching the brain. Sorta, having the amulet and pulling.
Timothy (DM)
Alright, you grab the chain of the amulet, and you get, like, faint whispers of things flying around through you...
Dan (Wren)
What's new? [Ellie laughs]
Timothy (DM)
...and you pull it out. It's sticky. Weird build-up at the bottom of the base kind of sloughs off of it.
Ellie (Markie)
Want me to clean that for you?
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, if you could.
Ellie (Markie)
I prestidigitate it. [all laugh] *ding!*
Timothy (DM)
And with Prestidigitation, nothing gross ever has to touch the party.
Ellie (Markie)
I'm just here to serve.
Dan (Wren)
I am going to... I'm going to touch the amulet... the actual, like, coin or amulet part itself. Do I regain my memories from...?
Timothy (DM)
No, you do not.
Dan (Wren)
Okay. Well, you know, worth I try...
Ellie (Markie)
Well, the ones we had were for, like, the Veil...
Timothy (DM)
You do feel a pull...
Dan (Wren)
A pool?
Timothy (DM)
A pull [Dan: "A pull."] towards the amulet.
Dan (Wren)
It's my own? My precious?
Timothy (DM)
And you feel your body pulling IT as you start hearing the whispers of a woman.
Dan (Wren)
Like, I'm pulled... like, I just want to hold on to it? Sort of?
Timothy (DM)
No... like your soul is being pulled towards it and it towards you.
Dan (Wren)
NAH! I'm gonna toss it back into the... well, I'll set it on the ground [Ellie: "I just CLEANED that."] I'll set it on the ground.
Timothy (DM)
Alright, you set it down on the ground.
Dan (Wren)
And I move away from it. "I wouldn't... it's it's creepy..."
Ellie (Markie)
Don't touch the amulet?
Dan (Wren)
It's got whispers in it.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, like everything down here [Dan laughs]
Chris (Sal S)
Like, common whispers or?
Dan (Wren)
Lady whispers. That's all... that's all I got.
Ellie (Markie)
I'm beginning to suspect that this brain situation was not the intended purpose of this ritual. And perhaps it was some sort of terrible side effect that happened to the people who did it. [Dan: "Yeah. That makes sense."] Or maybe they were all just trying to, like, achieve enlightenment by smooshing their brains together.
Dan (Wren)
Becoming one. [Chris: "Yeah."]
Ellie (Markie)
It's really hard to know with psychopaths like this.
Chris (Sal S)
How many sets of clothes do we see, so we can estimate how many brains have made this brain?
Timothy (DM)
Seven.
Chris (Sal S)
Seven. Okay, so a perfect number in terms of...
Ellie (Markie)
One at each point? [Chris: "Yeah."]
Dan (Wren)
[looking at the handouts] Do we have that seven-pointed star somewhere?
Ellie (Markie)
None of them are wearing Gladys's outfit though, right? Or none of them were wearing Gladys's outfit?
Timothy (DM)
You don't see Gladys's outfit...
Dan (Wren)
Gladys ran away. So, I'm thinking...
Ellie (Markie)
Oh, this was after the coup, right? [Dan: "Yeah."]
Timothy (DM)
... but you do notice Clarissa's...
Ellie (Markie)
Ok, Clari-- Clarissa Haj? [Chris: "Yeah."] Mama Haj?
Timothy (DM)
Clarissa Haj. You don't remember the names of any of the other people, but you do recognize some of the other clothing.
Ellie (Markie)
Yikes.
Timothy (DM)
Yikes, indeed. [laughs]
Chris (Sal S)
So, Markie do you think we should keep this brain or terminate it?
Ellie (Markie)
I think we should give the brain to Remy. I just don't know how.
Chris (Sal S)
What if you slept on top of it? Like, you put a blanket? [Tim laughs]
Ellie (Markie)
I can't! If my body touches it, then I'm flooded with visions of the universe.
Chris (Sal S)
Well, you touched it with your bare skin, didn't you?[Ellie: "Oh, okay."]
Dan (Wren)
Wait, I was gonna try that, and I had completely forgot about it. I'm gonna put on a pair of gloves that I have and lightly touch the brain.
Timothy (DM)
Nothing happened. [happy gasps]
Dan (Wren)
I think we're good. Here: do you want to... these aren't gonna fit you. Do you have gloves?
Ellie (Markie)
No, I don't have gloves!
Chris (Sal S)
You don't have gloves? I have gloves.
Ellie (Markie)
Why are you guys carrying gloves around?
Chris (Sal S)
I am a steward. I have to wear gloves.
Dan (Wren)
And I don't want to cut people open with bare hands.
Ellie (Markie)
Nothing that I do requires gloves. [Tim laughs]
Dan (Wren)
I guess that's fair.
Chris (Sal S)
You need to pick up some gardening.
Ellie (Markie)
But I could perhaps use my costume? [all laugh] I've got a little costume in here.
Timothy (DM)
[laughing] What's this costume look like?
Ellie (Markie)
Oh God, I didn't even think this through when I wrote it in my inventory. I'm wearing my casual outfit, but I do have a costume, and my costume is, like, one of those outfits that can... like, can go up and down, and so it, like, changes, like, you know, so one flippy side of it is a little tuxedo suit, and then when you, like, undo the tuxedo suit, and it falls down, the other side of it is a fancy dress.
Dan (Wren)
Very fun.
Timothy (DM)
We love it.
Dan (Wren)
Now, shove it into that brain! [laughs]
Ellie (Markie)
It's good. People like, you know, when I tell, like, the romance stories, you know? You gotta flop back and forth.
Dan (Wren)
Ohhh, yeah, be able to play both parts, yeah.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, well, sometimes I just get to leave the tuxedo on the whole time and that's actually useful too.
Dan (Wren)
Oh, we love a gay story.
Ellie (Markie)
"I know. Yeah. Or leave the dress on the whole time, or just, like, really swippy-swap it, but it's kind of convenient for... all roles. If we really want to, like, distill gender roles down to something that you wear... *rhegkjgklejhlakwje* YEAH! FUCK IT ! PUT IT IN THE BRAIN! I NEVER LIKE THIS OUTFIT ANYWAYYYY! [all laugh] The narratives of our lives and the way we identify are so much more complicated than this!" and I SLAP it on the brain and then I GO TO SLEEP ON IT! [all laugh]
Timothy (DM)
You jump up on top of this weird lumpy brain, and now you cast Cat Nap on yourself.
Ellie (Markie)
Great... *conk!* I'm out.
Timothy (DM)
You're out like a light.
Dan (Wren)
I love that you just did that without... we're like, 'Oh, nope. Okay. Here you go.'
Timothy (DM)
[to Chris and Dan] So, the two of you have just experienced Markie going on a rant, jumping up on top of a brain, and casting a spell, knocking herself out.
Chris (Sal S)
[whispers to Wren] Is this normal?
Dan (Wren)
I don't know. You've known her longer than I have, technically.
Chris (Sal S)
For like, a couple minutes.
Dan (Wren)
No, hours, because remember, I don't remember any of that.
Chris (Sal S)
OH! So I... oh, you don't remember. I guess I know her the most
Dan (Wren)
Okay. [all laugh]
Chris (Sal S)
[bone-chilling] "I guess we're just better friends than you are." [Chris trying desperately to walk that sentence back] That's not true. I don't say that. [Editor's Note: Chris thought this sounded funnier in his head and not so catty. He feels real bad about it saying it. Love you, Dan]
Ellie (Markie)
[OOC] That was so mean.
Dan (Wren)
See if I heal you again. [Ellie laughs]
Chris (Sal S)
But I healed you!
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, see if I ever heal YOU again. [sad Chris sounds]
Ellie (Markie)
All right. I'm asleep.
Timothy (Remy)
Markieeee.
Ellie (Markie)
"Remy! I have..." [to Tim] Do I have the brain? Is it... am I sleeping on the brain in Dreamspace?
Timothy (DM)
You are sleeping on the brain in Dreamspace?
Ellie (Markie)
Remy, look, I brought to you the brain! [Remy breathes creepy] Don't breathe like that, Remy, you're making me CONCERNED! I'm having second thoughts about the brain now that you're making noises like that. [Tim cackles]
Timothy (Remy)
I-I-I-I want it! I want it! But, Markie...
Ellie (Markie)
What?
Timothy (Remy)
That's not it.
Ellie (Markie)
You said the brain was it!
Timothy (Remy)
The brain only is the physical manifestation of what 'it' really truly is.
Ellie (Markie)
Well, can you take the brain and get the rest through your dimension-al shenanigans? You know, I don't understand this kind of stuff, Remy. I brought you the brain! I'm literally sleeping on top of it. I don't know if you know this, but that's REALLY upsetting for me. [Tim laughs, "Sorry."] Maybe you don't understand, Remy, because you haven't had a BODY in a long time, but generally people HATE it when their body touches things like this giant brain. [Chris: "Oh geez."]
Timothy (Remy)
I'm so sorry, Markie. I thought you knowwww.
Ellie (Markie)
Well, you're really overestimating me, then. If you're using my body in other dimensions, maybe I'm smarter in those ones?
Timothy (Remy)
*sigh* Well, I will help you out then. [Ellie: "Oh, great!"] I really truly do want it. I... you just need to perform the ritual.
Ellie (Markie)
But the ritual's already been performed. I gotta undo the ritual. That's what I'm trying to do down here, ding dong.
Timothy (Remy)
No-no-no-no-no, you can just do it again! You can just do it again, but this time, you have to set your own intentions. That's all a ritual really is. It's just a manifestation of your intentions.
Ellie (Markie)
I don't know... these rituals seem very specific.
Timothy (Remy)
All this other stuff are just rules that give it *life*.
Ellie (Markie)
So you don't want this brain?
Timothy (Remy)
No, I need what it represents.
Ellie (Markie)
Jesus CHRIST, Remy! [all laugh]
Timothy (Remy)
I need what it represents, Markie! I need the real thing: the truth.
Ellie (Markie)
You're asking a LOT of me, Remy. I'm an idiot. Here's the truth: I really thought you wanted this brain. And now that you don't, I'm a little disappointed because I feel like, Rems, you've had me jumping through hoops for you, and I've been letting you borrow my body in other dimensions, and you're just being increasingly demanding and increasingly cryptic, and I'm not feeling like our relationship is equi-namious and recip-riocal. [Editor's Note: Ellie said 'equanimous' and 'reciprocal' silly for effect]
Timothy (Remy)
*sigh* I'm so sorry, Markie. I don't mean to be like this! This is just how I am. I don't know who I am. I don't know where my body is, and we don't see eye to eye.
Ellie (Markie)
That's for sure.
Timothy (Remy)
I am having difficulty explaining things in ways that you'll understand, given your... *three* dimensions.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah... I would agree! So, maybe we should part ways, perhaps.
Timothy (Remy)
[agonized] NooOooOoOOoooOoOooOOOOO... [Ellie: [dismissingly] "Oh my god."] Don't part ways with me! I'm... you're... I'll be stuck here forever! Don't leave me, Markie. [Ellie: "Oh, well, calm down."] You're... you're my only friend!
Ellie (Markie)
No, it's okay. Okay, I'm not going to leave you. I'm not going to leave you... it's just I need to... First of all, you should make other friends. And second of all... [Dan laughs] I... don't know what to do! I guess I'll just wake up and talk to other people about this. I don't... I wouldn't even know how to perform the ritual even if I was convinced that was the right thing to do, Remy. So, I guess I have instructions--
Timothy (Remy)
Salvador will know. He'll be able--
Ellie (Markie)
Salvador will know, ok. Have you talked to Salvador?
Timothy (Remy)
--I can't reach him. [Ellie: "Oh... hmmm."] I'm kind of stuck... in your body.
Ellie (Markie)
*grrr* Fine, and you don't want the brain? Okay. Okay, I'm gonna wake up now, Rems.
Timothy (Remy)
O-one moment. [Ellie: "Yeah."] You need to set the intention.
Ellie (Markie)
Oh, okay. I want to break the time loop. I want to free everybody from the time loop so they can live their normal lives, like, in the regular way; that's my intention.
Timothy (Remy)
Are you aware of the implications?
Ellie (Markie)
No, certainly not! What implications, that everybody gets to live regular?
Timothy (Remy)
They do. And so do you. [Ellie: "Yeah."] And you will live your life. [Ellie: "Yeah."] And you will finish your life.
Ellie (Markie)
I think I'm gonna live for longer than 17 years.
Timothy (Remy)
And no one will ever know what you've done for them.
Ellie (Markie)
No, I'll tell them. I've already got it half-drafted up here. [points to head] Right? ...right?
Timothy (Remy)
[solemnly] You can tell them. [Ellie: "Yeah?"] You can tell them.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, it's gonna be a *great* story; the people are gonna love it. They've been hearing a lot about the ham hock for so long that they're gonna die for some new material.
Timothy (Remy)
But they'll never know.
Ellie (Markie)
Is this more dimensional stuff? What do you mean 'they'll never know'? I'll tell them; they'll know. Right? Right? And Salvador will tell them, and Wren will tell them! That's the only way anybody ever knows things is how... having other people tell them to. I didn't-- I wouldn't know anything unless anybody told me anything. I didn't know anything before you started telling me things. I'll tell people things just like you told me things, Remy. And then they'll know like I know. Wait! I don't understand anything you've told me. This is terrible! [all laugh] You should have picked a smarter person to share a body with, Rems. Somebody arcane and... complicated. Okay, well, I'm gonna wake up and talk about this with my team. Will you be okay here in the Void?
Timothy (Remy)
I'll be okay.
Ellie (Markie)
You can't just take the brain as, like, a favor because we really don't want to deal with it.
Timothy (Remy)
You'll need it... for the ritual. [laughs]
Ellie (Markie)
God, I'm stuck with the brain. I wake up. I say "We're stuck with the brain!"
Dan (Wren)
What? Ugh.
Ellie (Markie)
Remy didn't want the brain.
Dan (Wren)
Then what does she want?
Ellie (Markie)
I misunderstood; Remy wants the ritual that the brain is a result of.
Chris (Sal S)
[looks at the brain] You see how that turned out...
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. They're being really evasive. I don't know... as much as I like Remy, and they said all we have to do is do the ritual again but set a different intention, and it will change what the ritual does if our intention is different, but *I* don't think that anything that requires brain matter from an intelligent host can do anything good. That's not good magic. That's bad magic. If you're using brains, right?
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I've never dealt with incantations like this before, so I'd probably steer away from it.
Ellie (Markie)
Actually, Remy specifically said you would know what to do.
Chris (Sal S)
Uhhh, that's a patent lie. [all laugh]
Ellie (Markie)
So, what else is Remy lying about?!
Timothy (DM)
Give me an Arcana roll, Salvador.
Chris (Sal S)
Hopefully, it goes better than the last time. That's only a 12.
Timothy (DM)
Okay, so you would theoretically know how to do this ritual: you have all the components of the ritual--
Dan (Wren)
The circle is already drawn.
Timothy (DM)
--you would know enough that you would... the one that's already been cast has been cast. [Chris: "Yeah." Elllie: "The purple one?"] The one that's on the platform has already been cast; you would have to cast a new one. [Ellie: "Oh."]
Chris (Sal S)
Following the recipe...
Timothy (DM)
Following the same recipe and the sigils and doing it... The intention component is new to you. For your experience doing ceremonial magic or ritual magic, you are just kind of following the book to the 't'. So you put all the ingredients in, you do the waving of hands, and you recite the words, and it does what it supposed to do according to the spell book. So, setting a new intention is a new idea; you've never tried it before.
Chris (Sal S)
Well, Markie, do you really think that by doing what Remy wants us to, it will actually solve the problem with the town, because as far as I can tell, this brain has nothing... no impact on the temporal lock.
Ellie (Markie)
Well, that's what I was gonna say, this is like a completely different ritual super far away from the temporal lock that we were trying to fix. [Dan: "Right."] Like, I think the temporal lock was like a gate to all of this, but I don't think this is controlling the temporal lock. [Chris: "Yeah."]
Timothy (DM)
Oh, to clarify, you would want to do the temporal lock ritual... [Chris: "Yeah."Ellie: "Oh."] again. Not whatever the fuck this is.
Ellie (Markie)
Ohhh! I thought Remy was telling us to do this ritual.
Timothy (DM)
No no no. The temporal lock ritual.
Chris (Sal S)
Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.
Ellie (Markie)
But how would we... how would doing the temporal lock ritual give Remy the brain juice?
Chris (Sal S)
Because maybe the brain will decay and it will release all the brains? I don't know.
Timothy (DM)
You keep looking at the ingredient list, and you see "pay the price", and Markie remembers Remy said the brain IS the price. It's also what they want... or what they want was the price.
Ellie (Markie)
What they want was the price, and they want sort of the brain but really what the brain represents. So, we have to destroy the brain to do something to the temporal lock? We use the brain to break the temporal lock?
Dan (Wren)
I don't think she's talking about this brain.
Ellie (Markie)
My brain?
Dan (Wren)
Because I think if we're paying the price for a ritual, you don't pay the price with something else; you pay the price of something of your own, right?
Ellie (Markie)
No???
Chris (Sal S)
The brain is now ours.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, th-- this brain is ours. Just like when I have gold; that's mine, and then I pay the price to get, say, a ham hock. And then that ham hock is mine. This brain is mine, just like the ham hock would be.
Chris (Sal S)
So yeah, this brain is the price that Remy is accepting to un-- I'm assuming Remy isn't doing the lock?
Ellie (Markie)
No, I don't think Remy is undoing the lock. I think Remy's goals are, like, if we achieve our goals, it will also allow Remy to achieve their goals, but their goals are not necessarily the same as our goals. I suspect that by destroying the temporal lock, we will somehow release whatever knowledge is stored in this juiced up brain, and Remy can, like, feast on it or whatever, and we'll go back to living our lives like regular... while my invisible friend just feasts on an eternity-eternity of knowledge. I don't know, guys... I do not know... Should we try the temporal lock ritual again? I mean, what's the worst that happens? We get more temporarily locked?
Dan (Wren)
We're stuck in each minute.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah. [Dan: "Oy..."] What are the ingredients for the temporal lock one again?
Chris (Sal S)
Jasmine ash, which we can probably get from the lab. Yeah, the tears of the last.
Ellie (Markie)
Probably also in the labs. Hopefully they have extra.
Chris (Sal S)
Five chaos candles, jars, charcoal, mirrors, and price.
Ellie (Markie)
So that's, like, pretty straight... We don't even have to kill anybody for that.
Dan (Wren)
That's true. No brainer. Ha-ha, that's a no-brainer! [Ellie: "Niiiiiice."]
Ellie (Markie)
That's fine... Like, that's fine magic, probably. [Dan: "Yeah."]
Chris (Sal S)
We need five jars, though, and we only have four from the rooms.
Dan (Wren)
There were only four jars in the rooms?
Chris (Sal S)
Are there?
Timothy (DM)
There were plenty in the storage rooms.
Chris (Sal S)
Oh, there were plenty in the... ok.
Dan (Wren)
So, we can just imitate what it looks like in the successful spell. And then...
Ellie (Markie)
[points to the colorful star handout] What do you think this is about though?
Chris (Sal S)
It's probably the colors of the order that you put... although we don't know which ways up on this.
Dan (Wren)
I don't think we have extra colors. It's all the same, right?
Chris (Sal S)
But it's just... oh, like 'Red goes in this spot, green goes in this spot...'
Dan (Wren)
I don't think these two are related. [Chris: "Oh, okay."] I don't think the seven-pointed star and then the five-pointed star, which is the temporal lock, are the same rituals.
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah, 'cuz this only has five candles, you're right.
Dan (Wren)
And the one with seven says seven white candles, and we need five chaos candles, purple candles. So, do we go gather those ingredients from the... from the labs?
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, I guess and we'll try it with our intentions being different..? [Dan: "Okay!"] Oh, I really hope this doesn't fuck everything up. [Dan: "I knowww."] I'm going to be SO sad if it does, but we won't know, will we?
Dan (Wren)
No, we won't.
Ellie (Markie)
Well, we might think it worked, and we'll just continue to relive over and over and again.
Dan (Wren)
We'll just fight those brains over and over and over again [laughs]
Ellie (Markie)
Oh god... speaking of which, be careful on the way out everybody. [all laugh]
Timothy (DM)
All right, so you go about collecting the ingredients for the ritual, going through the laboratory and the storage room, it's pretty easy to find all of this stuff, it's pretty much readily available that they may have been crafting iterations of this spell. You see notes about experiments on it, stuff like that, and so you can find all the pieces. There aren't a ton of great places to put down the sigil other than near the brain.
Ellie (Markie)
Maybe we could kind of clear out some space in the laboratories or one of the storage rooms.
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, we could try that. Oh! While we're doing all this, can I get a short rest in? [Tim: "Yeah."] Okay. Thank you.
Ellie (Markie)
Oh, wait, when I took a catnap, I got a short rest in.
Timothy (DM)
Y'all get a short rest as you were just gathering ingredients, and nothing has attacked you throughout this time.
Ellie (Markie)
Actually, while you guys... if you regain hit points by spending hit die, you regain an extra 1d6. Oh, just FYI, if you want to...
Dan (Wren)
Just being around you?
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah, I, like, am telling you a cool story or something.
Dan (Wren)
Ugh, I rolled a frickin' one. [Ellie: *womp womp*] Ok, I'm doing way better than I was.
Ellie (Markie)
Let's start with this...
Timothy (DM)
And with some effort, you're able to clear out a space in one of the rooms and put the sigil on the ground, placing the candles in the places that you need and lighting them.
Dan (Wren)
Do we need blood for the sigil? The original one was drawn in blood.
Ellie (Markie)
It was; you're totally right. And a lot of blood, too.
Timothy (DM)
It doesn't have blood in the ingredient list, thought.
Ellie (Markie)
Maybe that was for dramatic effect.
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, just using it for flavor. [Ellie: "Yeah."]
Chris (Sal S)
Really edgy.
Dan (Wren)
Let's forego the blood for right now, and we can.. [Ellie: "And we'll see how it goes."] And we can redo it with blood if we need to. And then we have those two sets of words. Which I'm concerned about.
Ellie (Markie)
And we'll maybe try... Do you think? See, I feel like if we say the wrong words, but, like... it won't go, right, if we say the wrong... it'll only go if we say the right words with the right spell circle. So, if we say the wrong ones, nothing's gonna happen. So we *can* try both?
Dan (Wren)
It's fair.
Chris (Sal S)
Are these Abyssal, Celestial or Infernal?
Timothy (DM)
No. [Chris: "Okay."]
Dan (Wren)
Is it Elven?
Timothy (DM)
No.
Dan (Wren)
Okay, then I don't understand it. The one other language I speak.
Ellie (Markie)
Probably not Draconic, either. Okay, well, I guess we'll start with the shorter one. [Dan: "Yeah."] Shorter, less ominous.
Dan (Wren)
So, does one of... one of us has to stand in the circle and say it?
Ellie (Markie)
"I can do it. [Dan: "Ok."] I'm the hero. It's my family and my friends that I'm trying to save and my city, so I'll do it. And if this doesn't work out for me, you guys better tell everybody what I did and how good and heroic I was." [Dan: "Absolutely."] I gently set a little notepad outside of the circle and I say "I have some rough drafts in here that you can work off of. [all laugh] If you flip actually to the last page, I have a eulogy drafted for my own inevitable death. [Chris and Da: "Oh, okay."] Okay, so I'm gonna stay in the middle of the circle? [Tim: "Yep"] "Kalieapur Antioecele Dohcele" I say commandingly.
Timothy (DM)
And nothing happens.
Ellie (Markie)
Okay, do you guys feel any different?
Dan (Wren)
No, no.
Ellie (Markie)
No. Okay.
Dan (Wren)
Intention. [Ellie: "Oh, yeah."] Intend to break the temporal lock.
Ellie (Markie)
Ok, yeah, I'm thinking in my head about breaking the temporal lock, about it really hard. Okay, should I try the other one? [Dan: "Yeah."] Idishayme Teneicule Werearum Graviaycane Eccba Cisiocro.
Timothy (DM)
And nothing happens.
Dan (Wren)
The blood?
Ellie (Markie)
I don't know guys. I'm sorry. Do you think it's the blood? Where are we gonna get this much blood? I guess we could bleed the brain. It's got those HORRIBLE pulsing, throbbing veins all over it; those things must just be PUMPED with blood.
Dan (Wren)
What about the dead brains? Are they bleeding? Or are they gooping?
Timothy (DM)
They're just kind of gooping, yeah.
Chris (Sal S)
Do we know...
Ellie (Markie)
Milk the big brain for blood. [all laugh]
Timothy (DM)
Everybody give me an Insight check.
Ellie (Markie)
13.
Dan (Wren)
9.
Chris (Sal S)
18.
Timothy (DM)
Salvador: y'all haven't paid the price.
Ellie (Markie)
Oh, what's the price? I thought the price would just kinda pay...
Timothy (DM)
You put the ritual together, you said the words.
Ellie (Markie)
Do we have to move the brain over here, do you think? Onto the circle?
Chris (Sal S)
Is this another 'we need a live sacrifice'?
Dan (Wren)
There was no live sacrifice in the original ritual circle. Like, there was no blood on the floor besides the thing itself...
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah. Can we pull the photo back out and look at?
Timothy (DM)
Salvador, the castle.
Chris (Sal S)
Oh, all those servants--
Ellie (Markie)
The whole castle.
Chris (Sal S)
All of the bodies have fallen from standing or sitting positions...
Dan (Wren)
Ohhh, that's what killed everything. Can you sacrifice all the spirits in this place? [laughs] The haunting.
Chris (Sal S)
How many people would I estimate that is?Like, a hundred... fifty? Or...
Ellie (Markie)
You're, like, a steward? You know what it would take to run a castle?
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah, to support a castle this size, three floors, and all these bedrooms is probably, like, between 50 and 100 people.
Dan (Wren)
And we didn't even look through all the rooms...
Chris (Sal S)
And all the nobles that might have been here at the time.
Dan (Wren)
Oh, boy.
Ellie (Markie)
Oh, I'm not willing to kill all of those people again, even if we had them here, which we don't.
Dan (Wren)
Is there anything equivalent that we could use to that many lives?
Chris (Sal S)
That brain; well, that brain is at least several people? [Ellie: "The big brain?]
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, can you just intend from here to sacrifice the brain?
Ellie (Markie)
Well, no, because I'm worried if I focus on sacrificing the brain, it'll think that's the intention of the spell. I can't think of it too hard about two things at once, y'know.
Chris (Sal S)
Can we haul it? The tunnels are probably too small for us to move it here.
Ellie (Markie)
Do we have to redo the whole rit--? We can carry most of the stuff over to the brain, I guess, and re-set the ritual backup again?
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, next to the brain.
Ellie (Markie)
Next to the brain.
Chris (Sal S)
Around it.
Ellie (Markie)
Yeah. Okay, we do that.
Dan (Wren)
And then face the brain. [Chris: "Yeah."] We'll redo the ritual next to the brain. [Ellie: "Right."] Face you towards the brain, so you're looking at it, but think about...
Ellie (Markie)
Do you think we should roll the brain, like, onto the... sigil?
Dan (Wren)
The brain's like 20-- and we have to touch it. I guess we can gloves it.
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah, we can gloves it.
Ellie (Markie)
Fortunately, we have two brawny gentleman with the gloves
Dan (Wren)
We're *so* brawny. [Chris: "Yeah."] Can we, like, try and just ever so lightly nudge the brain... just so it's, like, a little bit in the circle?
Ellie (Markie)
A little bit in the circle?
Chris (Sal S)
Oh! I could... Yeah. I could sleet over the ground again to make it slippery.
Ellie (Markie)
You do love that spell.
Dan (Wren)
You're gonna knock all of spell stuff over.
Chris (Sal S)
Yeah, it's gonna make a mess.
Timothy (DM)
[sassy] You can also just, like, I don't know, setup the ritual, like, right next to it so it touches.
Dan (Wren)
Yeah, that's what we did. Yes. So yeah. So we draw the lines so it just touches.
Timothy (DM)
You can sucessfully do that so it just touches the brain. And now you have spent about an hour, uh, moving it. And you have the ritual in place.
Ellie (Markie)
Should I try again?
Dan (Wren)
Go ahead.
Ellie (Markie)
Okay, we'll start with the short one again. [Dan: "All right. All right."] Kalieapur Antioecele Dohcele.
Timothy (DM)
The candles begin to flicker. [Dan: "Oh, oh!" Ellie: "Ohhhh!"] The lines of the sigil begin to glow...
Ellie (Markie)
I'm thinking really hard about breaking the time loop.
Timothy (DM)
And then they melt into a liquid as blood begins to pour out of the lines that you've drawn. [Dan: "Oh, Okay."] And the humming of the brain begins to grow. It starts to raise in pitch until it is a shrill, piercing tone that is shaking your eardrums and dust and stone begin to fall from the chamber around you, and then the brain shrivels into a black husk as a beam of energy shoots up from the sigil and then everything falls silent, and the light dissipates. The candles now glowing steady.
Ellie (Markie)
Okay, what do we think guys? We won't know until we get back, right?
Chris (Sal S)
Do you feel older?
Timothy (DM)
And as Markie starts to speak, Salvador and Wren watch as she fades away...
Dan (Wren)
No!
Timothy (DM)
...and that's where we'll end this episode.
Chris (Sal S)
Noooo.
Dan (Wren)
Whoa!
Ellie (Markie)
What?!?
Chris (Sal S)
This was not part of the deal.
Timothy (DM)
And that is where we will put a pause on today's story! Thank you all for joining us for this vicious treachery as we plunge into the abyss. I hope you enjoyed this episode of Shadows of Prophecy. Join us next time to find out what becomes of Wren and Salvador in the city of Valerian.
I want to give a special thanks to JayCeeAitch (JCH) and Chris B, our fabulous patrons keeping the candles lit here at Goblin Forge. Your support has meant the world to us, and we are so greateful for your absolute generosity.
I would like to thank Scrubcast for some incredible sound mastering, music and effects. They have been so easy to work with and I highly recommend checking them out if you’re ever in need of audio editing, especially for their epic music and effects design.
I would like to thank Syrinscape for some outstanding atmosphere and music. Make sure you check them out at syrinscape.com. I use Syrinscape all the time at my game table and for our Twitch streams, and it adds that little something special to bring your players and audience into the story.
I would like to thank our players this evening. Dan, Ellie, and Chris. I'm so happy to have you in our cast and can't wait to hear what sadistic adventures we'll find ourselves in next time.
Our Theme song was written by my brother, the chill electronic vapour soul artist Lusq. You should check out their most recent single, Gus.
This has been a Goblin Forge production. Please follow us on Instagram , join our Discord, and if you really love us, show us some support by becoming one of our fabulous patrons at Patreon.com/Goblin_Forge, where you can find FREE bonus content like handouts, encounter maps, and even adventure guides to run your own horrific campaigns or one-shots. Shadows of Prophecy is a fully personally financed project and our first foray into the TTRPG arena. Any and all support is greatly appreciated! And at the very least, give us a 5 star review on your podcast platform of choice. This is how we get the word out about our podcast, and we love sharing it with you all. Thank you, and tune in next time to find out what happened to little old Markie. This was NOT part of the deal.