Am I The Asshole... I Guess We'll See

I have always wanted to react to Am I The Asshole reddit threads. Warning I do get a bit emotional, who knew people I never met could piss me off so much. 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello my beautiful creatures. Welcome back to But Like That's On My Mind. I am your wonderfully amazing, beautiful host, Shanti Augustine. Okay, so guys, I have always wanted to do this. Um, I'm well, first of all, I need to get off social media. I really need to. It's so bad for me, y'all. I just be up just scrolling, zoom scrolling. I need a break, a mental break, but like I I will delete Instagram in the morning and then download it like five hours later. It's she just doesn't work. It just doesn't work. Cold Turkey does not work. Um, but one thing that I love to watch on Instagram is Am I the Asshole reaction videos? Um, or I like to just watch like someone like the automated voice reading them, and then I'm just like, uh like I make my own opinions based off of what I'm hearing. Um, and I was like, well, that's kind of cool. Uh let's try that. And I originally wanted to do this on my podcast a year ago, and so I actually like one year ago, I went and I chose I think maybe like four or five. I I have not looked at them yet. Um Am I the Asshole? Reddit threads, and I screenshotted them, and then I was like, okay, I'll do this in a couple of months, so this way I forget which ones I because I chose them, so obviously I had to read like I didn't read the paragraph, but I read like the titles, and I was like, okay, well, I chose these, so let me give myself a little bit of time to kind of forget which ones I chose. Um fast forward an entire year because I not only did I forget which ones I chose, I forgot that I wanted to do this. So I was scrolling through my photos, like deleting and you know, like trying to clear space because Apple had you pay extra money, like extra$10 for more terabytes, and then still said using the space. Like, how did that Apple? How did that make sense? That makes no sense. Um, but then I came across the photos, the screenshots that I had taken of the Reddit threads, and I'm like, oh my god, love to do this. This is so cool. So uh without further ado, let's get started. I do remember one of them, not because I read it, but because it happened to my friend, and she was the one who wrote this. Um, it happened to me like a year ago, and she told me that she wrote it. I'm like, please can I react to this on my podcast? She was like, absolutely. So I don't know how she wrote it, I don't know how she formatted it everything, but I do know the premise of what happened because she told me as it was happening. Um without further ado, let's get started. Okay, what do we have? Am I the asshole for accepting inheritance from my dead V father? Oh, these are pretty short, so we're we're gonna be here long today, period. Um, I'm 19. I barely remember my father. The last memory I had was that he was yelling at my mother and I was maybe six and hiding under the kitchen table. He was a terrible man with an alcohol problem. One day he fled what the hell? One day he fled the country and was never seen again. My mother met my stepfather who was a great man and raised me to be his own kid. Y'all, the way I have anxiety right now because I suck at reading out loud. I really wanted to start a career as an audiobook actor because I'm like, these half of these people are so terrible at their job, no offense, but there's some audiobooks actors who like to just give up because their voices like make me stop reading the book. Um, and I'm like, well, I can't be any worse. Then I suck. And I'm like, yeah, I can't read out loud. Okay, sorry, let me start over. Am I the asshole for accepting inheritance from my dead peak father? I'm 19 and I barely remember my father. The last memory I had was that he was yelling at my mother, and I was maybe six and hiding under the kitchen table. He was a terrible man with an alcohol problem, and one day he fled the country and was never seen again. My mother met my stepfather, who was a great man, and raised me to be his own kid. Just a few months ago, I received a formal notice from my real father telling me that my grandmother, his mother, had died, and he didn't expect me to go to the funeral as I did not even know the lady, but decided to pass her apartment to me as he was never a part of my life. It's the least he can do. He doesn't expect me to contact him or anything. He wrote that he knows how terrible he was and nothing can excuse that. I was excited about the fact that I could start my life way easier and told my family about it, and they got really mad at me, telling me how terrible a person he was and all, and that was all true. My mother said that he is probably using this to contact me, or even worse, used to claim that he took care of me, so I have to take care of him when he's old. So I talked to her pro bono lawyer about it, and she told me that accepting an inheritance can't be considered paying child support, which he never did. So if I decided to accept the apartment, it does not oblige me to anything. My parents are still mad at me. My stepfather says I should honor my mother's wish and not accept it. While I believe that it would be stupid to say no and deny a chance to start my life a bit easier than others my age. Am I the axhole for accepting that apartment? Okay. That's wow. The fact that he flee the country, I just really want to know the backstory behind why he flee the country. Um, it's like yes and no. Because it's like for one thing, okay. We'll start on like the family side of this. If I was if if I was the mom and I was in the relationship with a man who was horrible to me and to my to our child, I would not want that man. And then he then disappears for her entire life and then comes back and like, oh, I want you to have this hormon. I wouldn't want him anywhere near her because I don't know what his intentions are, I don't know, you know, what the situation really is. You know, obviously I knew him when he was a bad person, and it's been what 13 years, I'm assuming by she said that's when she remembers him when she was six, she's 19 now. You know, I don't know, he could have become a even more horrible person. I didn't know at the time where he was even capable of change, so why would I expect that he changed now? Especially when he's contacting her out of the blue. So as a mother, I would be like, do not come near my child, don't give her anything. I don't want you anywhere near her. You have no authority, you have no right. Um, so you know, I I can kind of like put myself in her shoes in that way, and then obviously as a stepfather, you want to support your wife and just be like, you know, like come on, you know, and you would want your child to support you too, but it's like also then being in the child's shoes. I'm I keep saying I'm 23 because I'm I turn 23 next month, and I don't. Well I do, but I'm like, I'm still 22. But as someone who's 22 years old and saving up to move out, and kind of I would honestly love if someone could give me an apartment, but then again, there's also like adopt like something that could happen for me. Like if my my my dad said like if he if I if I want to, he would get me an apartment, but like I don't want that because I want to do it on my own. Like, I'm someone who needs to be able to stand up on my own two feet. I don't want the charity from other people. So I if someone just like out of nowhere was just like, here's an apartment. Me personally, I'm like, I mean, well, is it paid off? If the apartment's paid off, then it's just like okay, why not? Because now, like, because then it's like okay, I don't have to rely on you to pay it, say you're gonna pay it, and then you stop paying it. That's a different thing, versus if the apartment, so I'm I do wish she had contacts for that. Because if the apartment was paid off, like she owned, she like now owns this apartment, that's a great deal. Because you're gonna just like the economy is horrible, y'all. It's hard, okay? It's hard as hell to be a young adult in this economy. Like, we can't afford this. So if this apartment is paid off and he's giving it to her and no strings attached, I don't think she's an asshole for accepting. I think that's actually very financially smart on her end. If it if it if it genuinely means that there is no strings attached, she doesn't have to stay in contact with him if she doesn't want to, she can just take this apartment and it's a good apartment, it's somewhere she's comfortable with living, if it's close to home, you know, that would be perfect. Genuinely perfect. Now, on the other hand, if it's uh, oh, you know, you have to stay in contact with me to have it, I you know, it's not paid off, so you know, we have to continue paying it, um, stuff like that. Like, I'll help you type thing. Okay, then maybe it's like you know, A, is she at a time where she can personally afford to pay for her own apartment if she's accepted this apartment? B, if she can't afford this own apartment on her own, getting a help from someone who was never a part of her life, and when they were a part of her life, they were horrible to her. That's not a good idea. Like that, I would be like, don't do it, you know, like that's that's risky because if they get mad at you, then they can stop paying and now you're fucked. Um, and then it's also the context of just bringing in your mom with that because like while if it's completely paid off and it's like a financially good idea, it's also like you know, you're like you as a child, you want to respect your parents, so she's like you don't want to disappoint them in any way, but it's like at the same time, the mom can't just make it about her, like it's also about the future and well-being of her child, so it's it's it's complicated. So it's like on one hand, paid off, go for it, baby, because it's harder for her live by here. But if it's not, then it's like okay, maybe you know, and I think it's just like overall just being sensitive to her towards her mom, even as at the end of the day, she's an adult, she can make the decision herself, and her mom will eventually just have to get over it because it's not has nothing really to do with you, it has to do with your child. Um, so yeah, so that's my two cents on that. Me personally, no. If it was paid off, then I probably I would ex- No, the other thing, I don't know if I would, because if my my mom generally didn't want me to, I really wouldn't because I'm a mama's girl. Okay, moving on. Am I the asshole for refusing to save tickets to my graduation for my stepmom and stepbrother? Just off the bat, before I even get into reading this, know if you're not close to them. Because if you there are other people you want to go, because I've been in the situation with two of my graduations, my high school graduation and then my college graduation, which deciding where the tickets go. Because I'm like, I obviously I have a very less family, I have nine siblings, and I have a bunch of nieces and nephews. But it's like uh I would love this person to be here, but genuinely if you were either if I'm A, really close to you, or if if you were like really big part of like getting me through college, like for instance, my older brother, he uh well A, we're very close, but B, he was also very you know, he was the only one who lived in Florida with this when we were in college. Um, I mean I lived an hour from him, but like if whenever I needed him, if I needed help, if I needed advice, if I needed money, he was always there. Or there was a situation where my sister had passed out at work and we had to take her to the hospital. We had to call an ambulance and get her sent to the hospital, and it was like a whole thing. But he was the first person I called and was like, please help me, like I don't know what to do, please help me. Like I'm reading him. And so, you know, but I was like, okay, I want him to come, but they don't I don't have many tickets. Like, I want his kids to come too because they're my they're my nephews and I love them, but I'm like, I can't, I can't, you know. So I had to like pick and choose. Um, so if you're not close to them, then they don't need to come to your graduation, they can come to the after party, right? Bring you gifts. Okay. And I'm the asshole for refusing to say tickets for my graduation for my stepmom and stepbrother. I graduate high school in a few months and I was told that I'm only allowed ten ten free tickets. We were given like three and had to fucking get our friends to give us more. What the hell? I graduated high school in a few months and I was told that I'm allowed ten free tickets for my family. All the tickets are available for purchase. Recently my father asked for the tickets and I told him about the free ones. He claimed that he should get to that he should get five, and my mother's side should get five to make it fair. I told him that under normal circumstances I would agree. However, there are only three family members on his side that I'm offering tickets. The three are my father, my grandmother, and my grandpa. The rest are my mother, sister, stepdad, brother-in-law, and three grandparents on that side. He claimed that this was unfair and that I need to uninvite my stepdad and brother-in-law in order to invite my stepmom and stepbrother. I said that if they would like to attend, I have no objections, but my stepmom does not want to go and has been separated from my father for months. For background context, she left us three times before. What the hell? This time she kicked my father and I out of the house instead. Also, she has started to the the divorce process. I now currently live with my mother as my primary caretaker. Back to the story though. My father called me selfish, disrespectful, and said that my stepbrother and brother-in-law were not even from my family. He even said, bitch, then your stepmother isn't your family. What the hell? Um, oh my god, where He also said that my graduation day is not about me, it's about the people who raised me, so I had so I had no right over who is invited. I disagreed and told him so. He said that if I didn't invite my stepmother stepbrother, he would not be attending, nor would he allow my grandparents on his side to attend. He then called me at his appointment and dropped me off at my mother's house within five hours now, and he's calling, texting Nala Stop, saying I need to apologize to him. Am I the A Hall? Oh, she did a small update, but I don't think I screenshot the full one. The few lines that I did was thank you guys so much for the reassurance that I'm not saying a lot of my mother agrees with you guys, and I plan to ask my sister about the situation in the morning as she had to graduate high school and my dad who marries my mom. Um, okay. That's a lot to unpack. Okay, firstly, I am the one who did 12 years of schooling. I'm the one who did four years of high school. I am the one, like there will be no graduation if I didn't actively put in all the work to graduate. So this is not about you didn't do shit. What the fuck? Like you took me to school, thanks. You maybe helped me with some assignments. Thanks. Besides that, I did all the work. So my graduation, my decision. Secondly, um, stop, this is has genuinely has to be sh that's crazy. Secondly, why do you how are you gonna say that her step mother, her stepdad and brother-in-law aren't family? Then that means that the stepbrother and stepmother aren't family either. First of all, family is who you choose, not by blood. Like my sister-in-law is one of my best friends, and so many times I call her my sister, and then when I bring up the fact that she marries my brother, people are like, huh, and I'm like, sorry, she's my sister-in-law. Like, that's that's how little I think of the in-law part with them, like, I love you, you're my family. I don't need the extra, you know, words. Um, so that right there, that makes no sense for you, and then also you want a woman there who's divorcing you and has kicked you out of her house and left you three times before this. So, what is the big deal with her coming? Why do you want her to come? Like, this is this is this is making me angry for some reason. Uh, no, she's not the asshole. What the hell? No, because the thing is, she's not even saying they can't come. First of all, the most of the ticket might be is$20. If even it's I I highly doubt a graduation ticket will go above$20, probably 10 or 15. So they can pay that much money, okay? And then you the the fact that she even wants to invite you and people on your side is you should be grateful for that. Because she could just say, I want to invite people on my mom's side. The hell? I don't want to live with you anymore. And then to tell say that you she can't invite uh her grandparents on your side, you're not gonna let them. First of all, if they want to go to their granddaughter graduation, they don't gotta listen to you. You are their child, not the other way around. Um, no, that's ugh, that's gross. That's honestly so rude. And it's first of all, any parent who's okay with disrespecting their child, like people get so big on saying a child should never disrespect their parent, but it's never the other way around, like, oh, a parent can disrespect their child because they're the one paying bills and doing this and that. First of all, I didn't ask to be born. Trust me, I don't think I would have asked to be born if I hadn't been given the choice. So why are you treating me like shit when you're the one who was fucking and brought me here? No one told you to be fucking without contraception. And if you were and you broke, there are things to do with that. Or if you simply do not want me as a child, just give me up. It sucks, but I'd rather be giving up than being treated like complete and utter shit for my whole life, and you blaming me and home made disappointment, that's not okay. Like, people like that are just so ugh so gross. Now, I think that she should take his ticket and say, if you want to go now, you gotta five. And give it to the people that she wants to. Like that if and clearly Clearly, she has not much of a big problem with the stepmother. Cause just because she's not giving her a free ticket, she says, I have no problem with them going. So then she said she can go. It's in basically the way we heard with the stepmother, stepmother was a bitch. I mean, who knows? The dad could be a whole person. See, by the way, I mean it seems like the dad could be a horrible person too. It seems like they're toxic together, and that's why they both act like this. Um, no, she's not ow, she's not the asshole for r refusing to save tickets for her stepmom and stepbrother. Because I don't know anything about the stepbrother, but I'm assuming she's not that not as close with him to not just straight up give him a ticket, um, but close enough that she's like, you can still come, just buy your ticket. So that's what we're gonna say on that because that's crazy. That is people are so weird. People are such weirdos, it's insane. That's probably this would be something that I did. Am I the SO for not apologizing for something I forgot I did? Before I get into this, I'm someone to forget stuff constantly, not just like, oh, I forget something and I want to go into the next room, or I forgot when someone told me to go grab and something or something like that. No, like I genuinely will not remember what I have for breakfast this morning, which I I didn't forget this morning because I didn't have any for breakfast. Your girl is kind of hungry. Um, but if I found out that I did something, well, A, I need to ask before I apologize for something you guys say I did, if I don't remember it, I need to figure out if I actually did it before I go apologize. Because I'm about to be apologizing for something that I didn't do, but you guys are trying to lie to me and say that I did. That's gaslighting. But if it if I if I'm starting to remember that okay, I did do this thing, or like if I'm like, okay, this definitely does seem like something I would do, okay. And once I get further confirmation that I did, in fact, do it, then yeah, I'm gonna apologize because why not? Unless I did it intentionally, which I never do anything intentionally that requires to be like apologizing. Okay, let's get into it. I, a 24-year-old female, have been with my partner, 26 male, since we were in high school. At the time we met, I was going through a lot at home that led to some pretty intense memory repression, and I can only often recall anything prior to turning 18 through photographs. Because of this, people need to remind me things I said or did all the time. So my friends are aware of my memory loss during school and have been since it happened. Recently, a couple of my friends in my social circle, 27 male, 29 female, started dating and begun putting on grand displays of affection with the rest of us. I didn't mind at all until things began to get NSFW. What does that mean? Stop, hold on. What does NSFW mean? Not safe for work. What? Why would I say that? Okay. We couldn't even go to the movies without an uncomfortable comment being made every 10 minutes toward each other. Oh, ow. I finally asked them to tone it down and it made me uncomfortable to hear the details that I don't like and I don't want to know about that personal aspect of the relationship. The boyfriend went off with me on a long warrant that I was being a hypocrite for telling them they couldn't do PDA. I was confused and asked what he meant needing a memory refresher. He told me that when I was 15, I often did PDA with my boyfriend with the rest of the group there. When I asked if there was NSFW, he said it wasn't, but the type of PDA didn't matter because I was still telling Stalin, I did the same thing. While I didn't agree with that, I told him I couldn't change the past, but I was an immature kid and we were all adults now. He told me he wouldn't stop unless I would apologize for the PDA I did back in high school. This is where we reached an impasse because I refused to apologize. I told him that I didn't remember any of that, and I refused to apologize for something I had no memory of because it would be disingenuous and only what he wanted to hear. I did say I was sorry, I forgot, but I didn't remember what I would be apologizing for, so I wasn't gonna do it. I offered in a different way to make it up to him in the present, but he refused. He got angry at me and walked off, and the uncomfortable PDA has continued on despite my clear discomfort. He doesn't he does know I'm uncomfortable because he teases me often about it, but they don't stop. I asked my boyfriend, he confirmed we used to have the same level, some level of PDA, but it wasn't as extreme as or as uncomfortably sensual as our friends are doing every time we hang out together. I still won't apologize though, I truly don't think it is right to do when I don't exactly remember the apologies for I'm frustrated for the detail and seem to upset my friends without me knowing it. I don't think I'm in the wrong here, but he's still upset nevertheless. Am I the asshole for refusing to apologize for the public display of affection I did in the past because I forgot I did it edit if we're allowed to do okay, wait. Okay, before I get into the edit, because that's like an update thing. Um okay. So I'm not someone who likes public displays of affection. Um I think I mean in in a way is in I mean it like this. I think it's okay to hug, kiss your partner, to hold hands with them. No one should be have to hide their relationship in any way, shape, or form. I do think, however, it's inappropriate to and it used something that irritating the shit out of me when I was in high school. In college, no one really did that because people aren't fucking weird. But like, you know those people in high school when there's like before I'm making out against the lockers, or just like I don't like it when I'm like with my friend with like my friends who are in relationships, like my family, um, and they like grab each other's asses or like start shaking each other's like parts, and like that's like literally hand-on, just like moving. Like, I think that to me is weird when you're around people, um to the point where my when I I lived with my sister and my brother-in-law, and it was my sister and I'm apartment and my brother-in-law, technically didn't live there, but he was always there, so it was like he lived with us. I really didn't mind because he's you know one of my best friends. Obviously, at the time I was a bit more sensitive to her, just like you know, I would like to have my sister on the weekend, so if you could go home, that'd be great. But besides that, um, which then they would both go to his house on the weekend. I'm like, no, I don't want just us to be here on the weekend. I want just I mean, I don't want just me to be here, I want just me and my twin. But you know, I here or there. Um, but I don't like seeing people kiss. Um, it's especially straight people, it's disgusting, it's genuinely gross. I don't mind if you kiss your partner that's gross, but like when you're making out and just like disgusting. So I put because I'm a troll and an asshole, and uh and um I would I put a bulletin board on our living room wall, and it had a I have this like sticker that's uh anti tay agenda, which is like a little my it's a what me and my my sister-in-law call ourselves whenever we're we like mess with my sister and we'll just like do stupid shit to her. Like the main thing that I knew that I did that was genuinely really funny was I opened her favorite pack of like Trader Joe's um like gummies and I took out all the flavors that she liked and I ate them and then I left all the ones that she hated. So that stuff like that I'm genuinely like messing with my sister. But she bullyed me when I was a kid so you know this is payback. But I put a like I put a sheet of paper that I made onto the bulletin board and it said no kissing for every kid so you pay like 25 cents. So it was mainly a m a way to mess with them. It wasn't like a serious thing and so they they were both very good about respecting my boundaries because it's just something that makes me uncomfortable but they wouldn't mess with me and then start completely making it out just to piss me off or they would I would be if I was facing a different way they'd make kissy noises and I would turn and they just they go and I'm just they were like how we got you and I was just like for what um but for the most part you know I think respect is a big thing especially because that is something that A it's not appropriate in in in some places. B it's just it's disrespectful when you're around people like it's okay to be couple that's fine no one's telling you not but when you're groping each other when you're saying highly sexual things to each other that's it's it's inconsiderate and I think I don't think she's the answer for apologizing because well A she doesn't remember that she did this right that's something that's genuinely a traumatic mental thing that she went through she doesn't remember something that happened before really before she was 18. So you know that's something that's hard for her already if she did like was did PDA with her boyfriend in high school okay she's a high schooler that's what they did. They were not on that level that her friends are currently on but if her friends were uncomfortable at the time they should have said up they should have said something like people one thing people aren't mind readers people make mistakes people do things if you don't tell someone when if something they're doing is making you unhappy or uncomfortable how are you supposed to know some people don't have that type of common sense I'm not gonna lie um so if you guys had a problem with it then you should have told her you don't bring it up damn near 10 years later as a way to throw that into her face because you are uh insecure about and embarrassed about what you are doing and to also know that this stuff makes her uncomfortable and to tease her about it and you still do it she's better than me because I'm like fuck all you I'm very quick like I'm someone I I very much value my friendships but at the same time if I see that this friendship is no longer valuing me and if I'm the only one putting in time and effort and I'm the only one caring and I feel like I'm being disrespected I will end this shit on a fly on a drop and I won't care. Maybe I'll care down the line but I'm I would be very quick to be like okay this is not working thank you bye and I've done that multiple times especially when I was in college because I was a part of a big friend group and I found that they I just didn't their values didn't align with mine the way they treated people around them did not align with how I feel like people should be treated even if you don't like a person treating them that way is that's just plain bullying or just say different things and like okay cool I love that for you but we are not gonna be friends anymore. If you have a friend and you're you know that they're uncomfortable with something that you do and you just continue to do it because you feel like you deserve an apology for something that happened 10 years ago that you were too much of a pussy to stand up for come on especially because it's not that big of a deal um no I think her friend is the asshole. Don't like that person. And then it's just like a no and to like throw a whack in someone's face like it's one thing if she it's one thing if you were genuinely upset and you like hey this is something that did upset me and I never was able to speak up about it then but I do want to speak up now. Okay cool fine I can I can understand like okay you know I am sorry for that and not just wanting her to apologize because you you want retaliation because you're mad that she's telling you to stop basically fucking your girlfriend in front of everybody. Like come on come on no she is not the asshole her friends are the asshole and she really needs new friends. Okay here's the edit I don't know for a lot of the edits but I just spoke with the boyfriend it was over text it's early in the morning and we didn't want to meet up in person I'll paraphrase to the least words as I can without leaving out oh to leave out personal identifying details as a lot of it did mention private things. Me. Do you want to do you still want me to apologize for the past? Him about the PDA? Yeah me I did tell you why I wasn't uncomfortable with that though. I don't want to give you a hollow apology it doesn't seem fair. Is that alright? Him I know you don't remember but it was annoying when I was single so it was only annoying because you were single bitch me. Alright then I'm sorry about the PDA back in high school whatever happened I never intended to cause any distress him okay me can we call it even and do not do the PDA stuff anymore him. I don't get why it even bothers you after you did the PDA too bitch she doesn't Oh my god This made me angry me you said yourself mine wasn't fat at the PDA I was 15 and honestly I don't want to hear about or see you squeeze your girlfriend's butt pretend to lick her during dinner him you're overreacting we're all adults me I apologize for all I did and you said you stopped to him I'll think about it talk to you later. So I guess I did and we'll see what happens now. Girl you need friends people are not worth your self-worth or disrespect. I'm sorry no one is worth that no matter how much you may like them or care for them if they're okay with disrespecting you and he is and he's a hypocrite and a terrible friend and he does not keep his word because he said if you apologize and he'd stop and then he's like I'll think about it and he continues to throw stuff up in your face that is not a good friend you need to drop his ass but that's just me okay moving on am I the asshole for asking my wife to pay me for doing housework this is a man. This is a man yes I don't need to read this moving on moving on moving on no of course you are because why that's one thing about men that doesn't go or when they like uh when hey first of all if your wife didn't leave her you would have to do housework so number one number two when they have kids and they're like first of all your wife didn't have to ask you to watch the kids they're your fucking kids you fucked her and that's why she's pregnant so what are you doing? And be when like uh men were like oh I have to babysit my kids tonight you're not babysitting you're being a fucking father what are you talking about? Okay. Am I the asshole this is why why do I agree with you this because this shit starting to piss me off. Oh my god am I the asshole for asking my wife to pay me for doing housework my wife 30 oh me this bitch can't smell spell me 30 year old man wife 29 year old uh female I always roughly made the same amount of money so we contributed the same financially so like the housework evenly this always worked well for us recently I lost my judge sorry I don't know where this is going what okay this is starting to piss me off recently I lost my job I just don't like when people have lack fucking common sense recently I lost my job I'm getting my country's version of an unemployment check which is about 60% of my regular pay I can still pay my share of household and all bills etc but that leaves me pretty much zero spending money things are well looking well job wise but in the end this will probably still mean four months without any money to spend on anything fun at all and I'd rather not tap into our savings to have a beer. Okay that's smart. Now to the argument my wife suggested I could help out a lot more around the house now that I'm out of a job and I agreed. I won't be sitting around all day doing nothing but I still have way more free time than I had or she has. I did however suggest that she pitch in a larger percent of the household finances than her normal 50%. That way I could at least have some spending money for the coming months. She disagrees and we had a somewhat civil argument about it. We couldn't see I the way she sees it I can still pay for my part of the household money so I should and I do have the free time so it's normal that I spend more time doing chores and etcs my point of view as me paying her for doing housework as as her paying me for doing housework in our own home which she finds absurd. The way I see it yes it makes a lot of sense for me to do more housework in this period but it also makes sense for her to chip in more during this period. I think it's unfair that she expected me to spend my extra time on the housework but she won't support me extra financially financially this isn't a problem for her it's uh blah blah blah blah we talked about this a long while and we can't seem to come to an agreement so I'm looking for an outside view am I the asshole from my point of view here my wife is aware of this post BCW and agree on it. Okay so maybe he's not a complete and utter asshole um okay okay wait I have a thing as you saw my reaction before I read it was very like uh okay let's break this down I think at the end of the day this comes to the state of your relationship and how you run your relationship um I think all comes down to communication it can be seen from different points of views okay I get what he is saying in the sense I think it's just me because I'm just like why do you want I mean I get okay let me take my own dislike of thing out of this um okay so if I had a partner and I lost my job and I was still able to financially pay for my side of things and they wanted me and I had no extra money for anything but paying bills that's hard as someone I've done I've been through that that is very difficult. You would think well your financial needs are taken care of so why do you need extra money? Trust me it's hard to not be able to buy something when you want to buy it even if it's small like that that it it can be very hard on your self-esteem it can very it can be very hard on your mental health so I understand that aspect um I do understand where the wife is coming forward is like if I'm giving you more money if I'm paying more money if I'm giving you money because you have more free time to clean the house I am essentially paying you to clean the house which is crazy because we both live here. So like that I generally see both sides because it is like if I was going through a hard time I I would it would be nice if my partner could financially support me a bit more so that I could have spent spending money. I think that's important in relationship that if someone's going if if one part of the relationship is not able to come commit fully the other part takes a higher stance on that and is able to commit to make up for them. So I I do I think you know it would be nice if the wife definitely could you know maybe give a bit more money financially to support her husband in his time of because it it's one thing if and I I I I reacted to this before I read it because in my mind I'm like oh he's probably being fucking lazy and unreadable but I'm like okay he is paying his side the bills he is doing more work and stuff in the house so it would be nice to have you know it is it would kind of suck to like obviously this is your house you are doing more work but like you really besides I mean obviously you will have nothing to show for because you have clean house but it is like I mean I'm doing my work and I I don't all of my I have no money. You know that would suck so I do think yes I don't think he's an asshole I don't and I don't think the wife's an asshole. I think it's genuinely just they got it's something they just gotta figure out I don't even know to tell you because it's based off of your own relationship. I think it would be nice as the wife to be like okay I you know you are I get your point and I do want to like financially help you in this time and you know yes in a way it is it's all the way you see it so yes in a way it's like I'm I am paying you to do household work but at the same time she could also think of it as a that's like a glass half empty option versus like a glass half full option it is I see this as me helping my man's out because he is putting in more work to make sure like the household is together and he's not able to go out with his friends or do probate things. Hell maybe I want him to party flowers he can't do that if he has the money. So yeah me putting up more money because he's in the time of financial need is my job as a wife to to for our relationship and I think that would be helpful. Um and I think it's more as long as he doesn't just like throw it in her face I think money can be very money's like I think one of the main causes of like divorce in this country. Um so I think it's a lot of just it's genuinely just the way you see it and just the way you go about it. If he goes about it as like in a bad way then it can be very understandable for like to be like this is your house though like why why do you want more money for excuse me for your housework versus if it's like I think I'm doing kind of a hard I'm having a hard time and not being able to financially well being able to financially support us without having anything left for myself is is hard for me and in this time of need if you can help me out in this way and this way I can at least you know I'm I'm still putting in the work I'm not just sitting like on my ass doing nothing. I'm still cleaning up the house I'm still getting things done so by the time you get home we're good dinner is cooked I can run real bath stuff like that like you know if I think her looking at it like her paying him is the problem versus looking at it like okay I'm supporting my man. So he's not the asshole. This is the one time I will agree with a man he is not the asshole in this situation it's generally just gossip full of gossip empty you're either paying him through housework or you're financially supporting your man during a difficult time. Clearly you guys have a good thing going on it's not a bad thing to help your partner. You know maybe I should have reacted the way I did before I read it because now I'm just like um but you guys tell me tell me your thoughts in the comments let me know how you feel um no I genuinely probably should have read this before I figured out about it. Okay sorry I started reading I think I have oh did I not have my friends on here? Oh I have one more I thought I added my friends. I guess I didn't oh well okay am I this is the last one my beautiful creatures okay am I the asshole for not defending a girl I barely know after she was kicked out of the friend group for asking to be paid I 21 uh female have a group of six friends okay guys don't do that do not have a friend group that's bigger than like four people please I was in a large friend group in college and it was very toxic it was a horrible I'm gonna say it was a horrible experience because it did teach me a lot and I did have a lot of fun at different times but at the same time it was just like not healthy and I was very happy when it all ended um okay I 20 year old female have a group of six friends. Two months ago a new girl James 22 female was introduced to the group also why are we introducing new people I mean I've I've we've had that happen we've introduced new people but like it wasn't like they were new people we all knew them we were all cool with them they just never hung out with us entirely but like so we knew what kind of person they were and when one girl they tried to introduce a new girl we were all like great no she's she sucks she's not a nice person she's all she does is complain and she's really mean to people like what the hell um for context one of our friend group does oh okay for context one thing our friend group does is trade services for example I'll do one of my friend's nails for free and she'll do my hair for free when I need it done in the future we generally try to keep the trades within the same price range for example if my hair costs 60 euros I'll trade doing males for 60 to 70 euros anything over 10 euros is usually paid on top of the free service if my hair costs 60 euros and nails are 100 my friend will pay me 40. Okay. To be clear this is their obligation to do these trades and to my knowledge no one has been pressured into one. It's all about favors and doing nice things for your friends. Anyways Jane joins the group ish group two ish months ago and immediately starts asking about my nails. At one point she says she can't afford to get her done right now so I asked if she wants to do a trade. Jane makes her own t-shirts, clothing and accessories. The nails I end up doing her cost 160 euros fuck. When it was my turn to pick clotheslash accessories I end up leaving with about 70 euros worth I told her not to worry about paying me back with the 90 euros. All in all I thought it was a good experience and I got to talk to Jane 101 it was fine. Until Wednesday the 11th of December I get a text from Jane apologetic and saying she can't afford to just give away 70 euros worth of stuff and she needs me to pay her ASAP or she'll need the stuff back. At first I'm really confused because I could not have been more clear about how the trades work and I never forced her into one. I apologized back to her but and said I don't have some of the smaller items that I planned to give into my sister for her birthday. Jane kept telling me to just pay her back and I said I would when I got paid for my job. The issue came then became her texting she went to our group chat to complain about me not paying her for the clothes she gave me she ended up giving me letting me slip she ended up letting it slip that it was a trade and everyone showed her she can't back out of a deal weeks after it happened. She ended up taking the TikTok to complain about how I stole from her refusing to pay her back in response she was kicked out of the friend group. However now the group is split half say actually just paid her as she does seem genuinely as she does seem to genuinely be struggling while the other half say I'm no under no obligation to pay her due to the agreed terms of the trait. The first group thinks that I'm an asshole and Jane definitely thinks I am so am I the asshole? Girl you're not the asshole she is so like I said I already I'm biased because I don't think big friend groups are a good idea um they have only caused me pain but I think A I think her friend group should not have split I don't I think they should have all back there you guys are all aware of this trade thing. You guys all do it right so you know how it works and you know that that's she shouldn't have she's not obliged obliged obligated to pay anything obviously she could have I think if the girl was went about it in a different way and was like hey I'm struggling financially um and I I fucked up I shouldn't have agreed to this trade because I can't afford it then it's like I then it's like okay I can I can maybe pay I can pay you back for like$70 if it's the stuff you know that's fine. You know so like I think it's all about the way you go about things but because she went like such a negative way she talked shit she was she was just mean to her she went into the group chat shitting on her and then went on TikTok or anyone who goes to TikTok to complain about people I think you are a median asshole to me. You just suck um so that was like you know if she gone about in that way then okay I I can kind of justify redoing this trip wow it's so bright in here the sun is so bright the sun is so bright okay then I can justify um her you paying her like you know because money that she needs it. Now on the other hand if no she's the asshole because like she she genuinely just wanted to take advantage of you she knew she could not on a regular day afford$160 nails so she excuse me had you do them because she knew she wouldn't have to pay you back. She knew that she she would have known at the time that she could not afford to give away 70 euros worth of clothing why would you do it? She this was a plan for her. She knew what she was doing because then she wouldn't have gone about it this way I think she's genuinely asshole she this is why you gotta be careful letting people in your circle because some people are not genuine people and I hope that her friend gets back together because that sucks but at the same time if they're okay with letting some random girl who just entered the group destroy your friendship you guys weren't probably the best of friends to begin with. It's my honest opinion um yeah no that's honestly that's a shitty situation people because she took advantage of her that's literally all it was she took advantage of her and then she wanted to seem like a victim for it. No and I hope if I really I'm gonna look after this end I'm gonna look this up to see if there's any updates because I'm very curious because baby girl you're not the asshole none of the people in this were the assholes so yeah okay that's it thank you guys so much for coming on and listening to me give my beautiful wonderful opinion on things I really need to start reading the whole thing before I react because I'm not gonna lie you know you know um no this was actually very fun I definitely will do this again um I love to give my opinion on people's dramas I just don't like to be in drama like leave me out of it but if you want my opinion I I don't mind giving it to you uh but yeah guys thank you so much for coming on and hanging with me I will see you all next week make sure you follow me on my social medias and guys tell your friends okay your girl's trying to grow we're trying to grow okay I promise oh I'd show you all my kitty but he's sleeping so bye