Simple Improv Tips to Boost Confidence, Sales & Being Present with Gillian Bellinger

Ever felt like you were stuck in a script with no room for ad-libs in your daily life? Join us as the remarkable Gillian Bellinger, the creative powerhouse of Misfit Improv and Acting School in Asheville, North Carolina lights up our conversation with her infectious energy and expertise. Gillian shares simple tools you can start using immediately, without ever stepping foot into an improv class.

Tricks and tools that will:

• Improve your communication with loved ones and new people
• Increase your connections with others
• Boost your confidence and your speaking skills
• Help you allow more clients into your practice
• Learn new things about yourself you never knew!
• Help you with being present

Gillian is also a character actor who can be seen on the Disney Channel and Hulu, to mention a few, and is still adjusting to small town life in Asheville, North Carolina after moving here from LA. 

Connect with Gillian Bellinger

Instagram
@misfitavl
@gillianbellinger

https://www.misfitavl.com/
http://www.gillianbellinger.com/

Chapters

• 0:00 Benefits of Improv for Personal Growth
• 13:52 Transitioning to a New Improv Community
• 25:10 Benefits of Improv for Communication
• 34:47 Building Relationships Through Listening and Improvisation
• 42:27 Improving Communication Through Improv Skills

Transcript

Gillian Bellinger: 0:00

Some people come to improv just to play. They want to be creative Great. Some people come to improv to make a career out of it Great. Some people come to do it like as a craft Great. Some people do it professionally for a while and then stop, like. All of those things are possible. Just like with yoga Some people become yogis, some people don't. Some people do it for a little while, some people do it as a hobby Like. It is definable by the person who's experiencing it, which I think is something is. One of the gifts that improv gives everyone is that it is available to everyone.

Rhonda Ryder: 0:41

Welcome to the Delicious Alignment and the Art of Abundance podcast. We cover topics related to health, wealth and happiness from a spiritual and metaphysical point of view. I'm your host, author and intuitive coach, rhonda Brighter. Would you like to win a coaching session with me? Here's a way you can become eligible. Simply share the link to this podcast deliciousalignmentcom slash podcast or share a specific episode on Facebook or Instagram and tag me, and you'll be entered into a drawing. At the first week of every month, I'll announce the winner and contact you to set up your free session. I look forward to meeting with you All righty.

Rhonda Ryder: 1:27

So about today's episode if you've been listening to my show, you've probably heard me mention that I started taking improv classes. I think I started last August. Has it been that long already? My gosh, time really does fly when you're having fun, and I am having fun in improv class mainly because of my teacher, jillian Bellinger, who is the director and founder of Misfit Improv and Acting School.

Rhonda Ryder: 1:57

Jillian is smart, funny and maybe even double-jointed. It is very clear that physical comedy is her specialty and I am inspired by her range of motion and emotion. Jillian is also a character actor who can be seen on the Disney Channel and Hulu, to mention a few, and is still adjusting to small town life in Asheville, north Carolina, after moving here from LA. So even if the thought of taking an improv class makes you break out in purple hives all over your body which I totally understand, by the way, jillian shares with us simple tools you can start using immediately, without ever stepping foot into an improv class. That will improve your communication with strangers or people who just feel like strangers.

Rhonda Ryder: 2:48

You'll hear tips to enhance your sense of connection, your confidence and your speaking. Plus, if you're in sales, or if you're a coach who thinks sales is a slimy game, you'll hear some tips that make it a little less slimy and more about connection and not to get all ecart totally on you well, maybe a little bit. The biggest benefit from improv, in my opinion, is that it helps you with being present, being in the moment, and who doesn't want more of that? All righty, then let's jump in to the interview. Hi Jillian, hi Rhonda, how are you? Great, great, long time no see.

Gillian Bellinger: 3:35

Just saw you last night, less than 24 hours even.

Rhonda Ryder: 3:38

Yeah, yeah, another improv class Last night was so fun.

Gillian Bellinger: 3:44

Thank you. Thank you, I mean you did it, it was all your work, so you made the fun.

Rhonda Ryder: 3:51

Yeah, yeah, I just love it so much. And what is going on? What's happening to me? Going through a metamorphosis? Yeah, I'm so glad you moved here from LA, is it? That's right?

Gillian Bellinger: 4:08

Yes, thank you. Yes, yes, I'm glad to be here.

Rhonda Ryder: 4:11

Yes. So can you tell me a little bit about your story? When did you get the acting bug? And then, when did you get the improv bug? Because I looked, what is it? Imbd'd you, imbd, yeah, imbd'd me, yeah, and I'm like, oh man, she has been on TV and films and stuff. So, yeah, really cool, really cool. So tell me a little bit about you, because I don't know that much.

Gillian Bellinger: 4:41

Yeah, sure, so my name is Jillian Bellinger. I am the artistic director and founder of Misfit Improv Theater and acting school in Asheville, north Carolina. Prior to that, though, I lived in LA for 13 years, and prior to that I was in Chicago. Prior to that I was in Minneapolis, so I grew up in Texas. I've always loved I guess I've always loved acting. I grew up in Waco, so I didn't have clarity around what it meant to be a professional actor or how one would even do that. And my parents, my family they're academics more and also ministers. They're both ministers, so that was not their world at all either.

Gillian Bellinger: 5:33

But I knew I did theater in like Enrichment Theater in junior high. I did it in high school. I lettered in it even there's nothing cooler than a letter jacket that says drama. And then I went to school in St Paul, minnesota, at Hamlin University, and I got a theater degree. So I just kept doing it. While I was in college I also did two semesters, one at the London Academy of Theater and one at the National Theater Institute, and that's when I started to really kind of understand oh, this can be a job, and what does it mean for it to be a job. I think it was still the very beginning of that idea for me, really mostly because they would say this is work, treat it like work. But when I was 19, I didn't have a relationship with work. So even the idea of treat it like a job, I was like, well, I don't know what that is. So when I was a barista in the kiosk in the mall, what does that mean? And I think it actually continues to reveal itself to me what it means to be a working actor or to be a working artist and how many hats one wears in creative spaces. So I got a theater degree and then, back in the day it's now online but there was a publication called Backstage. It still exists, but it exists as a website now, yes, so it used to be a newspaper and so you'd go and you'd read the auditions that were in Backstage.

Gillian Bellinger: 7:22

And there was an audition notice for an improv company in Minneapolis called Stevie Ray's Comedy Cabaret, which also still exists, and they were looking for improvisers. And I went to the audition and they invited me to become part of the ensemble. Honestly, I think they invited me to become part of the ensemble because they sort of wanted fresh blood, particularly females, not because I was good, because I was a mess. I could understand the general concepts, but improv is a craft like anything else, and so I made all of the mistakes that every single person that ever picks up improv makes, which is to walk into a scene and ask my partner all the questions, or walk into a scene and steamroll somebody and try and tell them what the scene is about by telling them what to do, like, great, we're in dance class, I'm going to tell you what move to do with every part of your body, which is fine. It just doesn't really create comedy. And they were gracious enough to let me learn. Really, they created a space for learning and then I did some workshops and shows at a place called Brave New Workshop and then I became part of basically it was like a farm team is how it was referred to, but a farm team for comedy sports in Minneapolis, and that gave me a lot as well, because we started I just started to get more reps, right, I just started to play more shows with more people, get more scene work under my belt, and then I got moved from the farm team to the ensemble and then, pretty quick after that, I moved to Chicago Like I had fallen in love with improv.

Gillian Bellinger: 9:16

I had asked folks who were fancier improvisers than I was where should I go, and they said go to Chicago. You need to go to Second City, which is what I did. I moved to Chicago with a friend that I met in Comedy Sports Minneapolis. We both moved to Chicago, we both did improv at Second City and I just fell more in love. It takes a long time. It's like becoming a painter, becoming a hotter life.

Gillian Bellinger: 9:46

It really is a skill.

Rhonda Ryder: 9:48

Yeah, an incredible skill.

Gillian Bellinger: 9:51

So then, yeah, so then I did the programs at Annoyance. I did the program, I did three or four programs at Second City and then I moved to LA and then I started teaching for Second City in Second City, hollywood, and I also worked a lot with a theater called Westside Comedy Theater and I was on their touring company. So they have a bunch of college shows that they tour, a little script based, a little improv based. They also have a touring show called Mission Improbable. That is all short form improv and I did that at the home show.

Gillian Bellinger: 10:28

So I just really like right when I got to LA I started to hit the sort of my 10,000 hours of reps to change and I knew who I wanted to be as an improviser, but I couldn't get myself there until I had just done it enough times really, and then it just happened. It just happened. I didn't have to fight to make it happen the way that I did when I was younger and I was able to deliver a consistency with ease to being on stage in a way that I ate couldn't when I was a beginning in an intermediate improviser and I could diagnose a scene a lot faster or have a bit of comfort around the fact that I didn't know what I was gonna say and I didn't know what my partner was gonna say, but that was okay.

Rhonda Ryder: 11:28

Sort of like right now I'm like I don't know what you're gonna say. I don't know what I'm gonna say and that's why, frankly, I took up improv. You know, laura, one of your students, my friend. She told me she was going here and we had talked about improv. Then I said, oh okay, yeah, here we go, let's do it. And I really wanted to do it to help me with my speaking, with the podcasts and also with coaching, with everything. But lo and behold, I didn't know that all these other things were gonna happen and that I was gonna really enjoy it this much and that it would have so many benefits in my life.

Gillian Bellinger: 12:14

So what would you say?

Rhonda Ryder: 12:15

the other things that happened are yeah, yeah, well, definitely, I feel like it is helping me with the podcast. But I would say the practice of being present, which I really am into, and that's kind of something that I'm passionate about practicing. But improv helps you do that. Improv trains you how to be present in the moment, when, not just when you're sitting there like meditating or walking on a nature walk.

Rhonda Ryder: 12:50

But I've talked about this before on my show that I was always an overprepare. I really chronic overprepare, and I told this story recently where I gave a talk. I was in some kind of shark tank competition and I totally bombed and I thought I was gonna win and I stayed up all night and I couldn't sleep overpreparing, overpreparing. There were three people I gave in third place and it was just like I was definitely not in the moment. I was so in my head and every time I had a speaking engagement, I had speaking engagements. Then I would get so nervous and really feel it wasn't fun. It wasn't like an enjoyable experience because I was in my head and I was overpreparing and so I just wasn't trusting myself at all. So this is helping me just in everyday life, just freeing me up so much and I'm having so much fun. I didn't know that this improviser was in there. Yeah, like I didn't know her.

Rhonda Ryder: 14:00

Yeah, I hadn't let her out in a long, long, long long time.

Gillian Bellinger: 14:03

Yeah, yeah. How does she feel different than the persona you normally operate by?

Rhonda Ryder: 14:11

Yeah, yeah, I think before I was very guarded and very cautious, just not being able to let the words flow because I was self-conscious, and so the improv helped me to just speak more naturally and just let it flow, without trying to edit myself or filter myself, just really being more of me and then realizing that I have the side of me. I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, but I mean you thought, I was a performer, you know, yeah, I didn't, I wouldn't have.

Gillian Bellinger: 14:50

I mean, you are a performer, you do have a podcast.

Rhonda Ryder: 14:53

Yeah, I am a performer. Yeah, I'm a performer, let's face it. But I didn't know that I had the improv gene. Sure, Like you, I have a degree in theater, but it was mostly for writing, writing plays and stuff like that. I remember doing an improv class eight or nine years ago in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. I did see a glimpse of her then. Yeah, interesting, I saw it then and they were like you should do this, you should do more of this. And I was like yeah, yeah, yeah, but the timing is the timing. And here you are, you showed up to Asheville.

Gillian Bellinger: 15:31

That's why you called me. That's right, thank you, you specifically called me into existence.

Rhonda Ryder: 15:42

Yes, you made it happen. I summoned you. Yes, I did. I did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So how are you liking it here in Asheville?

Gillian Bellinger: 15:51

Yeah. So it's an interesting question. So we moved here because my parents are here half the year and they're getting older. Right, we wanna be close to them, we wanna spend time with them. My husband's mother is in Virginia, so she was also on this coast and I think after going through COVID we just sort of felt like A there was a bit more flexibility to what our professional lives could look like, because so much moved to virtual. So that gave us a bit more freedom than we felt prior to COVID. But I think also COVID brought into focus this feeling of mortality and what it means what would we regret or what matters or how do we wanna spend our everyday? And so being near family just became a larger priority and so we moved here. So I would say one thing we love we love being able to spend time with our parents. That is very joyful. They're only here half the year.

Gillian Bellinger: 17:00

I would say we're still adjusting to a couple things. One, we're adjusting the size. I mean Asheville is 2% the size of Los Angeles, so it is just quite a bit smaller and like it's also about the size of Waco when I was growing up. So in a way I sort of feel like, every time I moved, I went to a larger city, and this is the first time I've come back to a smaller one. And not only that. I live a little bit outside of Asheville. I live in a town called Waynesville, which is about 10,000 people, so it's even smaller.

Rhonda Ryder: 17:37

I mean smaller than even what I grew up in.

Gillian Bellinger: 17:42

So that is an adjustment. It's not good or bad, it's just very different. It's sort of notably different than every day. I mean I could walk down my block in LA and get a coffee and here it's a 20 minute car ride. Not good or bad, just very different. So it changes all the habits of like how we operate on a day-to-day basis. I would say. The other thing is that, and a result of that is there's improv shows every day of the week in Los Angeles at multiple venues, and so I could step in with a team kind of anytime I wanted to, and also I was known in that community. So it was very simple for me to do a show, or be asked to do a show or I don't know, just play because I just wanted to play. And that is different here. Right Is that shows are more special because they aren't as consistent. There isn't an improv theater. There are performance spaces where improv shows happen, and I would say one of the missions of Misfit is to make that improv community bigger so that we don't just see the same people on stage all of the time, that we get to see a world of people that are performers in Asheville. Yeah, I mean that feels important to me. So the other thing I would say is we definitely are building community in Asheville.

Gillian Bellinger: 19:24

We still very much miss our community in LA. I mean, I was there for 13 years, my husband was there for 20 years and we had really strong networks. So to move to a place as an adult without a network and also we don't have children, so to be in our 40s without children is a thing right To like make friends in that space. So we're still getting used to that, like who are our people? What is our community look like? How do we find a sense of comfort in deep relationships? And I don't know that. We haven't answered that yet, which is okay, right, it's just the natural. That's not. I don't think that's unnatural, I think it is a process that we're in.

Rhonda Ryder: 20:15

Yeah, interesting. Because me looking at you, oh my gosh, she has so many friends, she's so connected. But really you're new here, you're not even here a year yet right, and so you're in the midst of building these networks and connect.

Gillian Bellinger: 20:31

Yeah, that's true. So it's been 13 months. We're just over a year.

Rhonda Ryder: 20:36

Yeah, so that was interesting what you said about it's important to you to have more people performing and stuff like that, because last night one of our teammates, monica, said I wanted to know what everyone wants, what everyone's goals are, cause some people just wanna be there, just wanna play, just for play and enjoy, and I get a sense some people maybe don't want to perform. I mean, in the three classes I've taken, some people don't wanna do that beyond stage or be in the showcase. But I'm interested in like sticking my toe in the water and just experimenting with that and seeing how that feels. But I sense that will like I don't know, it's just exciting to hear you say that, that you want more performance.

Rhonda Ryder: 21:22

Oh my gosh.

Gillian Bellinger: 21:23

it's exciting and terrifying at the same time, yeah yeah, yeah, and I think improv is the way I sort of think of improv is. There's a metaphor to yoga, for me anyway, which is improv is a practice. Right, I can play just like yoga. So you know, there's that yoga teacher saying that, like the mat never changes, it's how you come to the mat that changes. I feel the same way about improv the games don't change, it's about how I come to the games that changes. So I could play an improv game a million times, which I have right, I've played, I don't know we'll just pull one out of a hat, like I've played Blind Line. I've probably played that game thousands of times and it's, the game doesn't change, I change. So how I come to that game is going to change every time I play it, and that's also what's sort of interesting about it. And I think in that moment there are there. We come to it in all kinds of ways.

Gillian Bellinger: 22:30

Some people come to improv just to play. They want to be creative Great. Some people come to improv to make a career out of it Great. Some people come to do it like as a craft Great. Some people do it professionally for a while and then stop, like all of those things are possible, just like with yoga. Some people become yogis, some people don't. Some people do it for a little while, some people do it as a hobby. Like it. It is definable by the person who's experiencing it, which I think is something is. One of the gifts that improv gives everyone is that it is available to everyone.

Rhonda Ryder: 23:13

Yeah, yeah, and it's funny. I did notice that I had an experience where I was feeling a little I don't know what the word is, I wouldn't say insecure but all of a sudden I hit up against a little bit of a wall, like do I really belong here? I think I shared it in class.

Gillian Bellinger: 23:30

Yeah, you did.

Rhonda Ryder: 23:32

It's funny because the name of your company is Misfit Misfit Improv and Acting School and I hit up against that wall feeling like do I belong here? Because these people are amazing, they're so talented. But everyone was so welcoming, so it wasn't me, it wasn't them. And then all of a sudden, I don't know what happened, but I changed. Like you said, something switched in me or clicked and I came in like before I was like I don't want to host, I don't want to host a game, I don't want to host a game, for I'm just here for the fun. Then, all of a sudden, something switched and I was like yeah, you can host, of course you can host you host a podcast, yeah, right, yeah.

Rhonda Ryder: 24:14

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Rhonda Ryder: 25:10

Now back to the interview. Can you tell us some of the I don't know philosophies or general benefits of improv for the non-thesbian type person, regular person that just wants to know, like, well, why would I take improv? Why would I do that? I don't want to be an actress, I don't want to get on stage. What are some of the benefits of doing an improv class?

Gillian Bellinger: 25:36

Yeah. So the philosophy of improv is yes, and, and as an idea it sounds simple, right? You come to me with when I'm thinking of it in just layman terms or layperson terms. You come to me with an idea, a question, a person, a project. I yes it, which isn't to say I agree with it. It means that I accept that you have brought this thing to me and then I and it. And what the and means in regular life is that I build a bridge between what you have brought to me and what I think, feel or do with that. So it is to me yes, and in practice is to be in creation with someone, even if that creation is just a conversation. And in order for us to yes and each other, I have to be listening to you and I have to be choosing to connect to you, even if that is difficult, which I think in life it can be certainly, and I have to be present enough, in both my own experience and receptive to you, to know how to build that bridge. So when I think about what improv is in practice, I think of it as it is both a surrendering of control. I choose to be present. You have brought this to me.

Gillian Bellinger: 27:12

I was not expecting it. I had not, I did not have this preplanned, or maybe I did, but it shows up different than I thought, or it shows up exactly like I thought and now I engage with that from the form of connection. So you and I find something together and we make it. Whether that's a conversation, whether that's I'm a leader and you're my direct report and we need to build a project, whether that's I'm a leader, we're in a feedback conversation. I have to give you feedback, you give me some I wasn't expecting. Now we have to figure our way through that. You're a family member. You say something I don't like at Thanksgiving dinner. I have to find a way to accept, not agree, accept and build a bridge to connection, which doesn't mean I give up my ideology, whatever that might be. So let's say you know, somebody says something off color. I can say I accept that this has been said and I do not feel that that is appropriate here. We will not engage with this further.

Gillian Bellinger: 28:27

So one of the myths or I don't know what the right word is, but one of the myths is that yes and means I'm always in agreement with everyone, always. And that isn't what it means in practice? Actually, it's more the art of surrender while building something with someone else. It isn't a panacea and there are moments where I say no, I might say no and I might say no. And here is what I think about that right.

Gillian Bellinger: 29:02

So when I think about the benefits of what improv can give to people the ability to listen, really listen and I mean like I'm not always doing it perfectly I do think it has given me the gift of being a better listener and I think it has given me the gift of finding connection even when it's difficult, and I would say it improves communication. So it makes you a better communicator. It builds relationship. It requires you to operate from a place of trust. It requires you to overcome the fear of the unknown. All of those things are things that happen in life. It challenges us to engage in joy. I think the challenge of it is also to be in a state of learning, feel like a growth mindset perspective. Yeah, I don't know. Is that enough things?

Rhonda Ryder: 30:10

Yes, well, I wanted to circle back. That is, I love it. I love it, it's so true, all of it. And I want to go back to two things that you said. And it's the yes and, of course, is a big thing in improv, and I see you demonstrating that and modeling that a lot. And also I also sense that you have boundaries too and you know what your boundaries are. So it's okay if you say no, but the yes and is a tool.

Rhonda Ryder: 30:40

The yes and is like instead of a yes, but Like a yes but is yes, yes, I hear you, but you really don't hear them because you want to get your opinion in there and let them know that they're wrong. But yes, and is a communication tool as well. In real life. It's a wonderful way to navigate sort of like nonviolent communications like yes, I just see you hear you, yes, like in class. I'm in class yes, and so you're really learning valuable communication skills that you can take into your regular life.

Rhonda Ryder: 31:23

I like, even with my dad, like, oh, I could have done that. I could have done that yesterday instead of going you can't believe everything you read on the internet, dad I could have said yes, and you know. So it's just yeah. Yeah, it's wonderful, and I was listening to a podcast I guess it was last night. I was just trying to brush up on some things for today's interview. I think it was a. It was a really old interview with Alan Alda and Tina Fey. You're familiar with that Well.

Gillian Bellinger: 31:57

Alan Alda has like a corporate, a corporation that goes, that helps other corporate companies with improv, which is also what that's what my day job is. I didn't work for Alan Alda's company, but but that's what he does. He works with we're dead, work with people, just people, because he's he died, right.

Rhonda Ryder: 32:17

I think he did. Yeah, um, but so this was like 2018. And so it was him and Tina Fey. Um, he, it was interesting, they're both shy. They said they're both shy. And then I was listening to another show where there's actually a lady. I did the improv class within Myrtle Beach, gina Trimarko, and she said that introverts really make good improvisers because they're really good listeners. Yeah, but just to know that if you're shy or if you're an introvert, that this is perfect for you as well.

Gillian Bellinger: 32:54

You know if it's something you wanted to try. I wouldn't describe myself as an extrovert.

Rhonda Ryder: 33:00

Oh no.

Gillian Bellinger: 33:02

Okay, no, like even when you started and you said I just don't really really know very much about you, that's because I'm not an extrovert, right, I mean I don't, um, I have a persona as a performer, um, but but yeah, I don't know that. I would say I'm shy, but I would say I'm private and so yeah and so, and I also don't. It requires an immense amount of energy for me to put even just to teach it. It requires a fair amount of energy, and I do think there is some truth to the. To the listening piece.

Rhonda Ryder: 33:51

Yes, yeah, absolutely yeah, oh. And the other thing I wanted to say is improv can help you with sales. If you're like in that mindset that I want to focus on sales, improv is a great tool for that. Can you speak to that a little bit? Sure.

Gillian Bellinger: 34:15

So if I am a sales person, I need to solve a problem for my buyer, right, whatever that problem is, but I don't actually know what that problem is. I can make some assumptions about what their particular pain point is, to use a real sales term, um, and if I'm not listening to them, then I'm not actually providing a solution for them that really is going to speak to the specificity of their particular situation. Listening also allows us to build deeper relationships. When I build deeper relationships, I build a better business for myself and ultimately, hopefully, my network gets wider because I'm able to function from a place of trust with the people that I sell to. So it's a it's an incredibly useful tool when thinking about how do I build relationship, how do I listen and also, what do I do when I don't know what to say, which sometimes you might be in a pitch and you don't know what to say, or they do. Well, I think a couple things One, take a breath, uh, and I think transparency, honesty, which is something we talk about in class, is, uh, is something that often reads. People laugh at it and they can sense when something is authentic and being able to say, hmm, I don't really know what to say to that that's honest and true. If it is. Anyway, in this hypothetical situation, let's say Um, and, and we actually build trust by being vulnerable with people. So when we are able to be honest and say, that's a really interesting perspective. I haven't really thought that through. I'm going to need to give my some thought to that before I respond. I that I had not thought of it that way. Let me think about how we could still make this work in the way that you need it to, and I don't want to rush to an answer because I've just never thought of it, right? So two things I think that are really useful.

Gillian Bellinger: 36:33

I think the other thing is is when we are operating from, yes, and it allows us to be in a place of innovation. So if you say something I'm not expecting, to which I would make the case, is every conversation that we've ever been in, ever. So when people say to me I'm not an improviser or I've never done improv, everyone has done improv they're doing it all of the time, right? If you've ever been in a conversation, if you're a parent, if you're a child, so it is, we're already doing it. It's just that when we go into a classroom setting. We lay on this like performance element to it that some of us may embrace and some of us don't. To me, the performance is it.

Gillian Bellinger: 37:28

When we get down to the crux of improv isn't super important. Right, I can take an improv class to pull all of these skills that we're talking about, so that when I'm in that sales conversation and I don't know what to say, I can really listen and say, yes, what I heard you say was this and this is me just spitballing here is what that brings up for me. And then there's a sharing of ideas. That's occurring. So then you're in collaboration with the person, with your client or your customer, however you want to refer to them, and you're building something together. Yeah, I realize that's like an idealized idea, because I have been in sales before, and sometimes just even getting a conversation with that person is 90% of the battle of who you're trying to sell to, and once you're in that conversation, though, being available to be in relationship with them is really valuable.

Rhonda Ryder: 38:30

Yeah, yeah, but yes, and like repeating back to them what you heard and that creates relationship. They feel heard. I was listening to something yesterday about so many people these days are afraid to sell. It's just like I'm serving, I'm being here for you, and I was like, oh, my God, that's me, like I'm, that's me, I'm a coach and I just really want to serve people and if they want to coach with me, great If they don't. But then I was listening to this and it's yes, but there's this other piece. You are still serving them. If you say here's what I see, here's a recommendation, here's a path forward for you, that would help with this. And I was like, oh, I really like that. Can you talk a little bit about that?

Gillian Bellinger: 39:20

I can. I'm a corporate trainer and a certified coach and I work with generally mid-level executives. As a coach and as a corporate trainer. I started doing corporate improv training, so experiential corporate training where we literally go in with improv exercises and build connection to your average everyday person's experience. Then from there, really through referrals from other improvisers, I moved into learning and development with a couple of other organizations that do topic-based trainings. So I do trainings around feedback, I do challenging conversations, I do what is feedback?

Rhonda Ryder: 40:10

Are you training them on how to give, or?

Gillian Bellinger: 40:13

receive. I'm training them on both. Usually I train on I don't know 50 plus maybe even more different topics and all emotional intelligence or psychological safety, or the growth mindset, or what motivates people, or delegation, or time management, or business writing. Those are all classes that I teach. Only, I do everything virtually now. So I'm in a Zoom room having an experiential class, I'm following a PowerPoint and at the same time, in real time, people are putting things into the chat or they're talking to me and I have to respond. Right, I have to be present with them to hear them, I have to acknowledge them. I have to then take whatever they've said and link it to whatever the content is about. I also have to. It doesn't mean that everything they say I agree with. I might want to adjust a little bit what was offered. So every once in a while someone will say something and I think no, but I have to be very diplomatic. So what I say is yes, I hear you what you?

Gillian Bellinger: 41:37

have just said, and the adjustment that I would make to that statement is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Right, so my day career has I also work as a consultant as well. So your average artist actor, there's a lot of hats and I wear a lot of hats. Um, I also. I'm still auditioning. I also I was gonna ask you about that. Yes, yep, yep, so I'm also still auditioning. I'm also running Misfit. I also am teaching, right, performing and running town. I'm also still performing.

Rhonda Ryder: 42:15

Yep, it's yes, so your improv skills led you into this day career. Yep 100%, yeah, 100%. Awesome, jillian. Is there anything that you think? Anything else, like, say, for someone who doesn't want to take an improv class, sure, but are there some tips, and tricks or hacks that you could share with them to improve their communication or their ability to be in the present moment or just enjoy life?

Gillian Bellinger: 42:46

Yeah, I mean I would say a couple things, so you hear me do this on a regular basis, but I literally use the phrase yes and and. For a lot of people it will feel clunky at first and we don't want it to be inauthentic. However, I have built it into my lexicon to force myself to find connection and I, you know, we have to mean it right. I could say yes and I like ice cream, and the other person could say yes and no, I don't. Right, we actually need them. We need to mean it when we say it, and I actively try and do that. So I would say, linguistically, you can start to incorporate the phrase yes, which means I hear you. And then, what do you think, feel or want to do about that? The other thing I might offer is someone says something pause, pause, just take a breath, right, what do you really want to say? Or do you need to say anything, if anything?

Gillian Bellinger: 44:01

Yeah, and I think someone that I think is really really good at this and is fascinating to watch in interviews is Mr Rogers.

Gillian Bellinger: 44:09

I think he was one of the best listeners I have ever seen in my life, so much so that I think he made other people uncomfortable because he was so present with them and every interview I've ever seen him in he takes a beat and very carefully he responds, and I think it's beautiful to watch and also disquieting for some people and I kind of think maybe that's a good thing. Like what is it to be fully present with each other? Yes, so I would say those two things are really useful. I think the other thing is knowing. It is an ideological battle that maybe we, some of us, have, which is the fear of stepping into the unknown and just reminding ourselves, from a mindset perspective, that the unknown also holds joy, in addition to a multitude of other things, and the fear that we feel may manifest itself in resistance, and that resistance is based on evidence that we have predetermined but we don't actually know is true, and so we might find only joy in that unknown.

Gillian Bellinger: 45:32

We might find play, we might find laughter, we might find a friend.

Rhonda Ryder: 45:37

Yes, I want to add that to my list of benefits that I have gotten so far. Is that the unknown and how? It's a metaphor for life, like you don't know what you're going to say next. And a lot of times, especially in the beginning in the improv classes, the tendency well for me anyway is to try and plan ahead what I'm going to say, as we're going around like I have some time, but then you lose the present moment. You're out of the present moment now because you're trying to figure out what you're going to say, so you missed what the art person said and so you're not responding in real time, so you can't plan ahead, because that totally defeats the whole purpose.

Gillian Bellinger: 46:21

Yeah, and I might even offer that, like you, don't need to plan ahead, right, we're capable individuals that have spoken conversations our whole lives. Yeah.

Rhonda Ryder: 46:32

We'll know what to say. I know, but that's what's so incredible is the things that come out of my mouth. You know, from this, where is it coming from? Like you don't have to worry about planning because there it was and then I got to laugh or I didn't. You know it was funny or it wasn't, but I still in the funniest moments are. For me is like I'm not trying to be funny, I'm just correct and I was saying that.

Gillian Bellinger: 46:59

listening that's the funniest moments, for the audience too. Yeah.

Rhonda Ryder: 47:04

Yeah. So then that transfers into your life of the fear of the unknown and life in general, that, oh, I don't have to be so afraid of the unknown because it works out and maybe I am afraid, yeah, and that's okay and that's okay, I do it anyway. That's okay too.

Gillian Bellinger: 47:24

Feel the fear and do it anyway. You know, because there's, I am afraid, often and that's okay, like part of it is just saying like, yep, feel that, okay, yes, yeah, I don't know how this game is going to work. Or even there was a moment in class last night where I, in my head, I just inverted who was doing what in a game and I was like explaining it. And then, you know, a student was like isn't it reversed? And I was like, oh, yeah, it totally is. And it just flew out of my brain, right, but in that moment there's this little bit of like I did something wrong and everyone just watched me do something wrong. And then I'm like, okay, which I think is one of the gifts of improv, is just to go yep, yeah, and for sure I'm going to keep going.

Rhonda Ryder: 48:16

Because in the beginning it was like, oh my God, I screwed up, oh my God it's, you know, not too bad, I wasn't too bad. But if I screw up, quote unquote, screw up, because we're not really screwing up. But then it's like, oh gosh, embarrassed, or whatever. And then learning that everybody's doing it like that, I mean, yeah, there is no perfection.

Gillian Bellinger: 48:37

Yeah, there is no perfection, and just even that idea of like I did it wrong is like. I mean, you were in learning, Thank God you did it wrong. That's part of if you weren't doing it wrong, then you're not in a state of learning.

Rhonda Ryder: 48:52

So that's another benefit right there. Yeah, because you get more and more accustomed to being okay with quote unquote failing, yeah.

Gillian Bellinger: 49:02

Yeah, I mean, that's actually one of our student commitments is that we allow ourselves and others the grace to fail?

Rhonda Ryder: 49:10

Yes, yeah, and I love the community. And then at the end we all pat each other on the back and say got your back, got your back.

Rhonda Ryder: 49:20

Another thing you learn in improv is what's in service of the team, what's in service of the show yeah, and what's in service of the scene and what's in service of the scene, so you don't always have to be front and center stage with all eyes on me. It's like, well, how can I best serve my team and the scene? Yeah, yeah, oh man, I just love it so much. Thank you so much for talking to me today and for moving to Asheville for me when I summon you.

Gillian Bellinger: 49:52

Thank you, it's my pleasure. Thank you for being in our classes, thank you for being part of our community, thank you for bringing your joy and your light and your I mean just the fun that you bring to your experience and on stage.

Rhonda Ryder: 50:07

Yeah, yeah, I love it.

Gillian Bellinger: 50:09

You kidding, which you know. If any of your listeners are in Asheville, we have a show on the 21st, if anyone wants to come Show at 7.

Rhonda Ryder: 50:18

Yes, so, oh yeah, that's our showcase if you're in Asheville. So this is where I ask you, jillian, to share anything you want to share. How can people find you? Jillian Bellinger, and also Ms Fit, tell us all the things.

Gillian Bellinger: 50:34

Okay, great. So I primarily am on Instagram. You can find me on Facebook, but I don't really use it. It's, you know, just a vehicle for my parents to see pictures if I feel like posting them, so I would go to Instagram and the first one I would go to is Ms Fit, which is Ms Fit ABL. So Ms Fit, asheville at Ms Fit ABL. And then for me, specifically, it's at Jillian Bellinger, and Jillian, even though you might not be able to hear it, has a G. It's spelled with a G, like giraffe or ginger.

Rhonda Ryder: 51:09

So at Jillian Bellinger, yeah, yes, and your website is your website.

Gillian Bellinger: 51:15

Sure, you can go to there. Jillianbellingercom. Yeah, okay, you can IMDB me.

Rhonda Ryder: 51:20

Yes, yes, she's been on Disney and all kinds of stuff. Ooh, look her up, yeah.

Gillian Bellinger: 51:28

Or don't, it's fine.

Rhonda Ryder: 51:30

Or don't, but yeah, no, it's cool and the name of your company is.

Gillian Bellinger: 51:36

Ms Fit, improv and Acting School, yes, yeah.

Rhonda Ryder: 51:39

Really great, great improv school here in Asheville, beautiful, beautiful Asheville, asheville. So thank you so much, jillian. Yes, I know you're filling in for one of your teachers tonight, so you've got to run, that's true. Thank you so much for this video. Thank you, rana. Okay, take care, okay, bye.

Rhonda Ryder: 51:56

I hope you enjoyed this episode with Jillian Bellinger, director and founder of Ms Fit Improv and Acting School. The best way to connect with Jillian is on Instagram. At Ms Fit AVL or at Jillian Bellinger. Jillian is spelled with a capital G. You can also find her at MsfitAVLcom. And here are a few ways you can connect with me, which I would really like. You can join my Facebook group, delicious alignment. You can subscribe to my YouTube channel and leave a comment, or subscribe to this podcast wherever you listen to your shows. This way, you'll never miss an episode. You can also follow me on Instagram at deliciousalignment. Feel free to tell your friends about this podcast. I would so appreciate that, because you sharing this podcast is the absolute number one best way to help us grow. All the links mentioned are in the show notes as well. Join me every Thursday for a new episode. And that's it for today, my friend. See you next week.