[00:00:00] Olivia: Welcome to Schoolutions, the podcast where education extends beyond the classroom. You'll leave each episode with coaching and teaching strategies that ensure every student receives the inspiration and support they need to thrive. I'm Olivia Wahl and I am incredibly honored to welcome my two guests today, Meg and Brett Reichert.

[00:00:27] Olivia: Let me tell you a little bit about Meg and Brett. Meg Reichert is a health and wellness professional serving on the board of directors for an innovative wellness startup and the assistant director of a prominent health coaching program. Meg is a board-certified health and wellness coach and holds a bachelor's degree in human development and a master's degree in mental health counseling.

[00:00:50] Olivia: Meg has served in many different capacities, from bereavement care for hospitalized pediatric populations, counseling families and children. Nutrition education for families and wellness education. Brett Reichert is a U. S. Army Goodpastor fellow and a Ph. D. student in public policy at Cornell University.

[00:01:12] Olivia: His research examines how emerging military technology affects conflict dynamics and the use of force. He also holds a Master of Policy Management from Georgetown University. Prior to joining Cornell, Brett was a Brady Fellow assigned to the 19th chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and the 40th Army Chief of Staff.

[00:01:34] Olivia: Meg and Brett are both caregivers to two beautiful boys, Eli, who is five years old and a rising kindergartner, and Noah, who is eight years old and a rising third grader. Megan Brett, it is such an honor to share your stories and have your insight on what it's like to be caregivers of two boys and being a military family yourself.

[00:01:59] Olivia: So thank you for taking the time to have this conversation. 

[00:02:00] Brett: Thank you. 

[00:02:04] Meg: Yeah. Thanks for having us. 

[00:02:05] Olivia: Yeah. Um, what I kick off every episode doing is having guests share an inspiring educator. So, Meg, would you start us off and share, um, who has inspired you over the years? 

[00:02:21] Meg: Yeah. So when I first think of educator, I think of some, you know, a teacher that I had.

[00:02:26] Meg: Um, but then I also think of teachers that I know. And so my sister is a wonderful art teacher and works, um, to support STEAM out in California and the growth that she has been on, not only as an educator but as a person, has been very inspirational. And she's just always encouraging that learning. She encourages expressive learning in our children, um, and so she's just a true treasure. 

[00:02:51] Olivia: Awesome. What's your sister's name? 

[00:02:53] Meg: Amy Bultena.

[00:02:54] Olivia: Yeah, we've got to give her a proper shout-out, Meg. 

[00:02:56] Meg: Yes, absolutely. 

[00:02:59] Olivia: Brett, how about you? 

[00:03:00] Brett: I, I, mine is an actual educator, a teacher, uh, my middle school science teacher, Miss Fritsch. Phenomenal. Still talk to her every once in a while on social media to this day. Every couple years she'll check in with me. But she, beyond the science curriculum, we did some extracurricular stuff, a future city project with Ford Motor Company a couple years. And I think she taught me the true value of learning.

[00:03:23] Brett: Um, not just of learning math and learning sciences and doing well on tests, but of enjoyment and learning. And that is a lifelong gift that I think she was able to give me, and I appreciate it. 

[00:03:36] Olivia: Well, it's that lifelong; the relevancy, but also the engagement of what it means to be engaged as a learner. And both of you have continued your education.

[00:03:45] Olivia: Um, and we, our paths crossed, uh, because it's all about community, isn't it? And, um, we share a friendship with a family that you are neighbors of. Um, and so we've gotten to hang out a couple of times and the more I learned about you as a couple, um, your partnership, the way you are raising your boys. It's.

[00:04:09] Olivia: Absolutely fascinating to me, and I thought it would be extremely helpful for, uh, podcast listeners to better understand what it's like in the world of military families and, um, you know, from both of your perspectives, because I know you tackle caregiving in different ways based on who you are. Um, so. I, I always name an issue up front and, um, I think it's almost captain obvious, but right out of the gate, military families often have to move very often.

[00:04:40] Olivia: Um, and I have statistics I can refer to. Meg, I know you're also going to illuminate exactly how many times y'all have moved, um, even within the last five years, I think we have talked, um, before the interview in private conversations around concerns with the kids’ friends, you nurturing friendships ongoing as well.

[00:05:02] Olivia: So that's something else that I know people face and the idea of what it means to have a permanent home. And I'm interested to have you both speak to that because do we need permanent homes or is it everywhere you are becomes a permanent home for a time being? So, um, I want to just read a statistic that I think is more universal, um, and this is from the USO.

[00:05:26] Olivia: According to the Department of Defense, a military child will move six to nine times between kindergarten and high school graduation. This usually means that every two to three years, which is more than three times the national average, military children must pack up their things and move to a new city, new state, even a new country.

[00:05:46] Olivia: Here they will have to make new friends once again and learn the route to all of their classrooms, once again, trying to find a sense of home in an unfamiliar place. And you are both masterful at, you know, helping your boys navigate this. So Meg, give us your family bio. Um, you know, what, what has this journey been like for, with two boys?

[00:06:12] Meg: Yeah. So Brett and I have been married 10 years in November. And before we met today, I was counting up, you know, how many times we've moved and I believe, and Brett, correct me if I'm wrong, I believe we're on our fifth military move, um, and this is our fourth military move with, uh, children. So at least one child has, uh, Noah has moved four times.

[00:06:34] Meg: Um, and this is our second move with, uh, uh, one of our children being in school and our very first move with our kids being in the public school system. So, um, Noah did kindergarten at our last duty station and we'll do, uh, no, he did kindergarten in first grade or last station and we'll do has done a second.

[00:06:53] Meg: He'll go until 5th grade. We will move when he's in 5th grade. Um, yeah, and Eli, gosh, Eli will be a kindergartner this year and he will, um, be going into second grade when we move, I think that's right. So yeah… 

[00:07:11] Olivia: So you already know when you'll be moving again. That's predictable. 

[00:07:18] Meg: Yeah. But if you want to take that one, Brett.

[00:07:20] Brett: That is sometimes predictable, not all the time. And, um, and just because we know when generally we'll move, we don't know the specifics and we certainly don't know where, um, and so depending on where we're at in the career and what opportunities exist, it could be that we move in the summer of 2026, but it could be anywhere from three hours upstate or Germany.

[00:07:44] Brett: Um, so there's Germany, Alaska, and a few other locations. And so we won't maybe know those things until, you know, I think six months has been the shortest amount of time that we've gone from understanding where we're going to move to actually moving. 

[00:07:59] Olivia: So, it's interesting because I know, Meg, we've talked that you usually focus more on social-emotional wellness conversations with the boys, and Brett, you focus more on academics.

[00:08:10] Olivia: So, Meg, I'm going to bounce this to you. Do you have these conversations with the kids? Do they know when a potential move is happening next? 

[00:08:22] Meg: Yes. So they, we talk all the time at dinner now, even where we will potentially be stationed at our next move. And so a lot of times we ask them, you know, what their input is.

[00:08:32] Meg: We don't necessarily get a lot of input on where we're going to be located. Um, but Brett is able to kind of rank things a little bit. Um, so, you know, we'll kind of talk to the boys to think like, here's, You know, here's some of your options. Here's some things that you could we can do for the next move.

[00:08:46] Meg: Um, and we talk about that and we talk about, you know, making new friends and what that experience is going to be like, um, and, you know, and how that can be. And we really work hard to base our life off of adventure. So, when, um, we got married, Brett made a, this huge speech at our wedding, which is, if you know, Brett, just the most normal thing ever.

[00:09:10] Meg: Um, but he invited me into this nomadic way of living where we get to move. We don't have a home base; we get to create our home base together, um, in, in our relationships. And so we really talk to the boys a lot about that, that even though we don't have a physical home base, you know, when we are all together, this is home.

[00:09:30] Meg: And so we talk a lot about the adventure that we get to go on, right? Like, it's going to be another adventure. You know, where do you think we're going to go next? What do you, what do you think our friends are going to be like? What do you want our house to be like? And then we reflect too on our past experiences, right?

[00:09:44] Meg: Oh, you know, we really miss this friend that we had in DC. We really miss our teacher that we had in Colorado. And the boys really like to talk about the houses. Um, so they're like, man, we really loved our basement in Colorado, but I think this is our favorite house because we love our yard. Um, so we really do focus a lot on the positives and, and I think we're lucky right now because our kids aren't so old where they're, you know, the friend dynamic is not quite the challenge that, that we know that it will be.

[00:10:17] Meg: Um, and so we're trying to kind of set that foundation now and, and so that our kids can don't struggle as much in those transitions later. 

[00:10:26] Olivia: Yeah, I can't imagine. And I adore the idea of bringing them in on the adventure that you both have thrived within your partnership and your marriage. It takes a really special person to be able to embrace constant adventure. And I mean, this isn't something that's going to shift, right, for a while. And so I think that fact that you have found each other and that the boys get to see your collaboration, um, and your complete flexibility, it's, it's so beautiful. And I think that's what drew me to both of you, um, as friends and it, we're just so lucky that our paths crossed.

[00:11:06] Olivia: So also with that said, um, it’s interesting to me because Noah's had different experiences with schooling based on where you are. So I'd love to have Brett, if you don't mind sharing academically, you know, what have schools gotten really right that you've encountered? What have they done well in your transitions?

[00:11:26] Brett: Yeah, um, before I answer that, let me talk a little bit from my perspective. That based on what Meg just said is, you know, I, I struggle and I think a lot of people in the military that are, you know, families, parents in any way, probably struggle with, um, sometimes we feel like maybe this is our career and we're dragging our families through all of this frustrating nomadic lifestyle to benefit me.

[00:11:50] Brett: And it is just my career in that sense. Um, but for the listeners that don't have any idea of what the military lifestyle is like, and you know, you always can walk in the store and people will say, Oh, thanks for your service. It's, it's more than just the deployments and the things that you probably think of with military service.

[00:12:05] Brett: This conversation is the actual sacrifice that I think people may not completely understand when you're thanking somebody for their service and understanding, ‘Hey, you could probably make more money doing something else.’ This is the hard part. It's the, it's all of the time at home that is constantly moving.

[00:12:22] Brett: Life is frustrating, your household goods aren't in position, you've got a new teacher, a new way of life. Um, everything changes constantly. It's not easy, and it's certainly not easy for kids. Um, so getting to the academic side of things, you know, Meg's gift is with the social, emotional, behavioral side of things.

[00:12:39] Brett: Um, I'm obviously concerned with those things, but she's got that covered for us. Um, the academics for me are hard. It's hard. Um, and I think the academics for Noah is hard. Um, you know, he, he struggles in a couple of subject areas and we try to get ahead and we try to do the right thing and we try to understand what the curriculum is at the place that we're at, so that he can be successful and be inside of the system that has been designed for him to be successful.

[00:13:05] Brett: Um, but when you change that rapidly and over time, it becomes confusing. You know, the simple task of learning to read, um, isn't so simple when it's being taught to you in maybe four different ways from a multitude of teachers. And it's certainly not easy for the parents to wrap our heads around. How do we do it here in New York?

[00:13:24] Brett: And how did they do it in Colorado? The other part that's been a struggle for me personally, and for us as a family has been the different academic standards. Um, and so part of military moves, obviously, is we're trying to find the best home that we can possibly create for a few years at a time in the best communities that we can find, but also the best school districts that we can find.

[00:13:45] Brett: And so I think early on when our kids entered into the public school system, we're clearly looking for those clear demarcations of what makes a good school district. And a lot of times those are Standardized test scores that sort of determine from an outsider's perspective. What sort of school district are we going to look for?

[00:14:02] Brett: How much of our money per month do we want to sacrifice to rent or to buy in an area that might have a better school district only to find that that isn't really what matters to us, at least in a family level, right?

[00:14:14] Brett: Um, and so in Colorado, as an example, we were in the second-best school district in the state and we were at the number-one elementary school inside of that school district.

[00:14:22] Brett: Um, and Noah did not thrive. He loved it. The school was amazing. The teachers were great, but the, the rigidness of the testing standards and how often they tested is categorically different than what we're doing here in New York now. Um, and so on a, on a, on a scale level where we're at in New York is probably quantitatively less impressive than where we were at in Colorado. Um, but qualitatively much better for our family. 

[00:14:51] Brett: Um, the community is much richer. The teachers, I think are more understanding of, of Noah's situation and, and more communicate, they communicate with us in a much different and better way for us to all collectively come together and help Noah and Eli. And so, um, anyway, that's, those are sort of some thoughts, um, with the academic switching constantly.

[00:15:12] Olivia: Yeah. And I guess I'd also wonder too, are you typically transitioning mid-year or are you able to decide that when the transition's going to happen, or do you just take control over that? And one of you stays back? Like, that's interesting to me. 

[00:15:30] Brett: Uh, the, the military, uh, this is both a good and this is a pro and con of military moves. Uh, the military does a really good job of attempting to move as many people as possible in the summer months, mostly because they understand the family dynamics in school situations. And so you'll see the majority of times, school will end in that particular duty location and you will have a max mass exodus of families.

[00:15:56] Brett: Um, and so the, the con to that though, is all of us are moving at once. And so it strains other parts of the military life. Um, you're getting your household goods and all of your homes settled and moved. There's only so many movers in the U. S. and we take up quite a bit of them in the summer months. Um, so that part is difficult.

[00:16:13] Brett: The other part of it, school-related, um, that I find difficult to move in the summer, is that there tends to be a gap between your school years. And so we'll find ourselves, this was last summer for us here in New York, is we find ourselves in a gap where the kids don't have, you know, an easy way to go about making friends.

[00:16:31] Brett: We are already too late to enroll in school districts in summer camps, and so we're kind of left on our own to figure out what the community structure is and how we can integrate ourselves quickly before the school year starts. And so we're already starting the school year, um, maybe one step behind, or it feels like it's one step behind a lot, um, because we move in the summer. But thank goodness for us, at least we've been able to move, um, school calendar timelines, traditional school calendar timelines. 

[00:16:58] Olivia: Well, and, and I know here in Ithaca, if you are not registering your kids for camp pretty much end of February, beginning of March you're, you're out of the loop. And so that wasn't even something I had considered.

[00:17:11] Meg: So when we found out we were going to be here for Brett to go back to school, that was one of the things I jumped on was I think I got on like the local mom's Facebook group, and I was like, ‘Flood me with summer camps.’ Um, and even then, I think that was March, maybe the end of March. Um, when Brett made, when he made his decision, and almost everything was full.

[00:17:33] Meg: So we were really lucky that the community that we live in has a, um, a community center, and we were able to put the kids in camp there and Noah was able to meet, you know, a gaggle of kids that he was in school with this year. So it, it ended up working out, but, uh, there was a, you know, in Colorado schools let out early May and then here schools didn't let out until the end of June.

[00:17:54] Meg: And so we had, it was like last summer was the world's longest summer, um, and they were home so much. And we were in transition and, and Brett was in a different state doing training. I was trying to get everything settled here and working. Um, It was, it last summer was, was nuts, but, um, the summer is much better.

[00:18:15] Olivia: Well, and, and I, I always am fascinated with the idea of surprise. Um, and it seems like you all tackle surprises with grace. Uh, what would surprise us? Um, that would you do your best? What would surprise us? From a caregiver's perspective, Brett, you've already illuminated some things that I never would have considered, but what would surprise us from a caregiver's perspective?

[00:18:41] Olivia: And then what would surprise us that the boys have said or articulated for you as caregivers about this lifestyle? 

[00:18:51] Meg: Um I think like Noah, a lot of times he hears us talk now about when Brett transitions out of the military. And we talk a lot about what our forever home will, will look like. It's one of like the things that Brett and I like to really dream about and just think about, you know, one day, and then we kind of take all the things that we like about every house that we've lived in and we're like, I want this from this house and this from this house.

[00:19:13] Meg: Um, and so we talk about that a lot. And so now Noah has heard us talking about that. And so he'll say things like I'm ready for our forever home so that I can stay in one school. Um, and so, uh, you know, for me, I kind of hear that and I'm like, ‘Okay, like, I also know Noah is, um, you know, he has a flair for the dramatic and likes to kind of do that.’

[00:19:33] Meg: And so I hear it and I'm like kind of in one ear out the other and then Brett hears it and a lot of times that'll be a later conversation for him and I, where he's, you know, and I'm not trying to speak for you, Brett, but where he'll feel, you know, a little guilty, like, Are we doing the right thing for our kids?

[00:19:48] Meg: Um, and I just constantly go back to the, yeah, like, what a cool life of adventure that they get to look back on and they have friends and all these states that we stay in touch with. Um, so I think from the caregiver perspective, it's the surprising part is every time, no matter how much we plan, whether we have a year in advance, six months, um, we always get to the last couple of weeks and it is like trauma and repetition over and over where we are. Brett and I are running around like crazy trying to get everything ready for the movers. The kids are super resilient and can find fun in the smallest of things. And they kind of, um, you know, they, they work around it. Like they kind of circle around the chaos.

[00:20:36] Meg: Um, but Brett and I are kind of at like stress level 10, you know, for about six weeks from. Transitioning out of an old duty station and transitioning into the next one. And it's always surprising because it's like, we, we do this a lot. We should have this down pat and it's, um, Nope. It's always, it's always kind of crazy.

[00:20:56] Olivia: But there are so many changing factors. It's, and that's, I think something that's hard too, because as the boys get older, their needs shift and change your priority shift and change too. And I, I'd be interested to know too, like, Brett, you know, I'm Meg just shared something that probably tugs at your heartstrings.

[00:21:16] Olivia: Like, are we doing this? Is this good for the boys? What else keeps you up at night? What else do you think about? 

[00:21:22] Brett: I think that that is my number one, I think, concern almost every day. I'm thinking about it in some way, shape or form is, um, It is guilt, I think, a lot of times. And so I, you know, Meg and I will constantly talk, like, when is the right decision?

[00:21:37] Brett: And it has to be a family decision. Um, I don't want to continue along a path and have a career that benefits just me. Um, and the funny thing is, this isn't the case for a lot of military families, but for us, Meg did not grow up in a military home. I didn't grow up in a military home. So this is what we're describing as very foreign to us as, as, as it's children and adults, um, where a lot of the military it's generational in some way, shape, or form.

[00:22:04] Brett: There are a lot of people who have grown up moving around the world. And so they'll join the military themselves, or they'll find a partner who's in the military in some way. And so this is a lifestyle, um, that's happened for quite some time and that's not our case. And so I'm very skeptical. Sometimes that we've chosen the right path and that we continue to choose the right path.

[00:22:21] Brett: Um, Meg assures me that we're, we're on the right path. And I think the, the most surprising part, I think from the kids perspective, the boys are more resilient than I thought that they would be. And that's, that's accounting for the changes. In their age as we've moved, we haven't hit what I think will be the hardest phase and that's when they're teenagers and they have deep friendships that are much different than the ones that they have now, but the level of resiliency and their ability to get to know people deeply and quickly is incredible.

[00:22:54] Brett: Um, Noah, in particular, I think; he's the older of the two, but no, in particular has has. I don't know if it's just his personality, or if it's his personality and this lifestyle if it's been nurtured in a certain sense. But his ability to go in and make friends, I think, is normal for his age. I mean, of course, everybody just makes friends at this age.

[00:23:13] Brett: But the level of deep friendship and how quickly it happens, I think, is partly a result of him, and partly a result of It's a necessity factor for him, and he does it so often. And so I think resiliency is one part that's impressive to me every time. Just how resilient these, um, the boys are in this lifestyle.

[00:23:31] Brett: Um, and then the other part is that their ability to, like Meg said, reflect on where we've been. And, um, and be excited about where we're going, um, but the details of where we've been and where we're going, it's, it's fun to watch, um, because their network of friends is much, much broader than I think what their, their friends would have in a local area.

[00:23:53] Brett: And so there's certainly advantages to growing up and, um, growing up with your friends for many years in the same school district and the same teachers in the same community. Um, lots of advantages to that. But when you talk to Noah or you talk to Eli, they will probably within five minutes reference Washington, D.C., Colorado, North Carolina, their friends in all of these locations. And then they also know where all these friends still live. And so they're like, ‘Oh, isn't, uh, isn't this person in D. C. and didn't, didn't James move to Germany?’ And so it's, it's a worldwide network of friends. And that goes for Meg and I as adults, and it also goes for them as kids. And so you would be hard pressed to find a state in the United States or generally most large countries in Europe where we don't have friends somewhere right now, and we know where they're at. And we'll stay in touch with them in some way, shape or form. Um, and so it's just a, it's a different, I guess the breadth of community is different, and that is surprising, I think, to me, as an adult experiencing this and now being a parent, that that is now translated from Meg and I to them.

[00:24:55] Olivia: How do you keep in touch, though, too, because the boys are younger, so I'm sure as they get older, they will, you know, have other ways to communicate. But, you know, how do you keep in touch with the myriad of families all over the world? And then how do you make sure the boys keep in touch with friends?

[00:25:11] Olivia: Because it sounds like they are. 

[00:25:13] Meg: Yeah. So we, social media, right? I mean, that's our biggest factor is, um, you know, I think that's kind of our driving force. And, um, I think military spouses as a whole are, you know, I, think I'm glad to kind of put myself into this community, but we're really amazing at staying in touch.

[00:25:32] Meg: And, and even if like, ‘Oh my gosh, this, this person I was so close with here and I haven't seen them in, you know, three years, we see things happening on social media and we, you know, we're, we're crying, we're so excited.’ And, you know, we're sharing those moments with people as best as we can. Um, and that network of support is just there, right? Like I can message a spouse and be like, this really sucks. And this is really hard. And instead of being like, well, you chose this life, which is a lot of times what, what we hear, it's like, yeah, it really does. Like let's FaceTime and, you know, and talk about that. Um, and so with the boys, we do the same things, right?

[00:26:06] Meg: Like when we see their friends on social media, we're like, Oh my gosh, look at like, look at what he's doing. How cool. Um, the kids have done pen pals with their friends. Um, And like Noah, especially in Colorado. Um, and then, you know, we FaceTime, we, we moved, um, from DC to Colorado at the height of COVID in summer 2020.

[00:26:25] Meg: And so for a lot of that, it was like, there wasn't a clean transition. It was just a very firm cutoff in March. And then we moved in June and we never saw those people again. Um, so we. We paired up with a family, um, that Noah was really close with one of their kids and that was our bubble. And so we were able to have this like really great transition with that family and, and that one child.

[00:26:50] Meg: And Noah still talks about like, Oh, this one child in DC. Um, and so, you know, we just kind of stay interweaved, um, and each other's lives as best we can. And then, you know, The army really, or the military, I guess, as a whole is a really small network. And so we know we'll eventually be stationed together again, and it'll be like, no time has passed, which is really cool.

[00:27:12] Olivia:  Yeah, there's also other ways. Um, I'm uh, I was very skeptical. I did not grow up with video games, but you know, Noah's eight and he wanted a Nintendo switch. 

[00:27:22] Brett: And so this Christmas, we wound up as a family getting a Nintendo switch and we bought Mario Kart because Meg and I grew up playing Mario Kart. Um, but what we figured out is for the kids, you know, obviously they're not on Instagram and Tik TOK and doing any of those sorts of things, but, um, we've set up user accounts where.

[00:27:40] Brett: Noah and Eli can play Mario Kart with my, their cousins in Michigan and with their uncle in Texas and with their aunt and other uncle in California. And so it's a fun way to just, it's not FaceTime where you're only going to get an eight year old or five year old's attention for 30 seconds on FaceTime sometimes.

[00:27:56] Brett: Um, to sit down and play a game of Mario Kart while FaceTiming and playing it with them, uh, on the same track. It's, you're keeping them engaged and having them in conversation. And you can have family like experiences. And so those are other ways that we're, we've been playing with as the boys have gotten older, how to stay connected.

[00:28:13] Olivia: It's brilliant. And I'll say too, Brett, I was worried about the same thing as a mom of two boys. And I had an interesting conversation with our. family care doctor, and he said, especially when kids are playing video games and it isolates them. That is such a different scenario than video gaming, especially COVID taught us to connect with others, uh, to play Mario Kart or a game like Minecraft where you're building and creating together.

[00:28:41] Olivia: So I think that's a really resourceful idea that is engaging for kids, and they'll be ready to go with it. Um, I'm interested to, I do want to hear something that would inspire us. And Brett, because you shared, this is not something that is a trajectory of past family members. What drew you to this lifestyle?

[00:29:04] Olivia: Because you were involved with this even before you met Meg, right? 

[00:29:07] Brett: Yes, I was. Yeah, I'm on 16 years. I think 16 years, something like that. 15 or 16 years. Um, and I don't, that's a great question. And you're not the first to ask it. And I still don't have a great answer for it. I think without being dramatic.

[00:29:26] Brett: I can tell you not necessarily what drew me to it other than, you know, me being young and stupid and attracted to adventure. Um, but I think it's a sense of purpose. That's what keeps me in at least. I think that's what Maggie and I talk about the most is it, you know, is this a lifestyle good for the boys?

[00:29:43] Brett: Is it good for our family? Do we want to put in deep community roots? Do we want to, you know, build a forever home and have the boys go to the same school and see the same friends? Those are the sort of things that we talk about. But on the other end of that spectrum, Is. Can I find and can we find collectively a career that means the same thing for me and for our family, and I don't think that there is anything that I have found yet that I think would fulfill the same sense of purpose that I get.

[00:30:13] Brett: And going to work every day and even when it's hard and I'm gone a lot training or deployments or whatever whatever nonsense that I'm dealing with and that meg now has the the burden of single parenting with two kids and all the other things it I guess it's easy to say and do When the reason we're doing it is, is, um, bigger than ourselves and bigger than our family.

[00:30:36] Brett: Um, and so the sacrifice, I think, is worth it in that sense. And there hasn't been a moment yet where we've said, you know what, I would rather exchange that sense of purpose for a little bit more money. And me being gone from home is going to be worth making more money. And that, that's just not the case for us.

[00:30:51] Brett: Um, and I think that's probably why I got into, you know, I was other friends, you go to law school, and there's wonderful careers out there that for everybody. Um, but none of those are interesting to me. They're just not the same. The problems aren't as big. The solutions are easier to find, I think, and other things. And so I'm, I'm attracted to the trauma. And the repetition and the difficulty of our lifestyle. 

[00:31:14] Olivia: Well, and I think that idea of a sense of purpose, isn't that what we dream of for our Children that they find something in their lives that gives them that sense of purpose and it's not tied to money necessarily and and that's I think really critical Meg speaking to that, you know, you land in a community.

[00:31:34] Olivia: Uh, we already know you make sure you have summer camps lined up the best you can. What do you both do to immediately establish community and some type of connectedness when you, um, move? 

[00:31:49] Meg: Yeah, I'm honestly, the first thing I do is jump on any like mom's Facebook group and try to figure out what you know what's there.

[00:31:57] Meg: I think it's also really different if we're going into a, an area that has a military installation versus not. So here, obviously, where we're at, and, New York does not have a military installation. And so it was very different infiltrating, um, into this community than it would be for the military community, right?

[00:32:19] Meg: And right, like when we're, when we're going from military installation to installation like those are going to have, you have unit Facebook pages, you have, um, you know, a commander's, uh, spouse or is going to, is going to greet you and reach out, right? There's, there's community. Inside of the military that specifically created to ease that transition for families and so, you know, we're able to jump right on on top of that.

[00:32:42] Meg: I think, um, coming here where we're getting this great opportunity to live as civilians; not having to listen to military acronyms and wake-up calls and bugles every morning. We, um, it was a lot different, right? It was, let's get involved in a really small community that we live in. How can we get involved in the schools?

[00:33:03] Meg: How can we, you know, help the kids transition? Because this is for them, the biggest move that we've made so far, because they are in school. So, you know, what does that look like? Um, and then I think the other thing is, you know, I research so much before we move, right? Like, what is the best area to live in?

[00:33:23] Meg: Um, you know, should we live on post? Should we live off post? What, what does schools look like? But also, like, what does opportunity to look like? Um, and what hobbies do our kids have? And how can we get them inside those hobbies? Um, you know, neither one of our kids. Well, Eli might, he's so young still, but neither one of them are super into sports, right?

[00:33:43] Meg: Like Noah likes to do sports at his elementary school here cause he gets to be with his friends. Um, but he's really big into horseback riding. And so he has gotten, he's always loved horses, but here, this has been his spot. So when we move next time. That's going to be one of the driving forces as well.

[00:33:59] Meg: How quickly can we get him to a barn? How quickly can we get him a writing instructor? And so he can feel comfortable in that space. Um, and then, I mean, honestly, in my, I know community is so incredibly important, but I think the stability of home is as well. So it's, quickly as we can get our house set up and everything established here and their room set up.

[00:34:23] Meg: And so they can have their space that has that familiarity. It has that, you know, these are, this is their bedding. These are their stuffies, right? These are their things. Um, this is the book they like to read before they go to bed as soon as we can establish that. I think that's really important as well, because that means they have a home base and they have a safe place to, to kind of catch their breath.

[00:34:43] Meg: And, um, you know, they're both really deep feelers. And I think that's really important for them. 

[00:34:49] Olivia: Brett, I know, you know, as caregivers, we each have our own style and we're getting a taste of your caregiving style, but how have you had to adapt based on the different communities you've landed in? 

[00:35:03] Brett: Yeah, you know, it's, it's funny, Meg and I talk about this a lot with both of our parents. Um, her parents are in town right now in Ithaca. And so we're, we're walking around with them and we're showing them what Ithaca is. And you could imagine walking to waterfalls and showing them campus and talking about those sorts of things. But our conversations with my, my mom and her parents most recently has been about how wildly different the general parenting style is of almost every location.

[00:35:28] Brett: And originally, you know, you, you have to, you have to live in probably four or more locations to even get a sense of this. Um, but you know, we're in North Carolina, we have a young infant and so we don't know that, but we moved to Washington D.C., and we start to get more of a sense. Of what's happening in D.C. from a parenting style, but we're new, and Noah's at a certain preschool age, and so we're just doing what everyone else does, and it's not until we get to Colorado that we kind of start looking around and go, this is much different than it was in D.C. What parents care about and this isn't necessarily, well, I'm not talking about at least isn't necessarily school driven and it's not societally driven, but it is how are the people in that community call to come to that place?

[00:36:12] Brett: How would they, how would they come to call that place home? And what are the similarities in the people in Ithaca versus the people in Colorado Springs versus the people in D.C. And what Megan, I have tended to find is that these folks, though, it's not like they're not connected. They're not friends. They tend to have similar belief systems and values and they've set up their micro-community and their local communities in a very specific way.

[00:36:37] Brett: And so it's really interesting to see the parenting style and I'll be specific. I won't name the location, but there's one particular location that we call free-range parenting and, um, and it's just, they're very much more of a hippie sort of mindset. Alright. Kids are going to grow and they're just going to be able to do whatever they want.

[00:36:55] Brett: And, and there are very few rules. Some of our peers in this particular location allow their kids to drink coffee at whatever hours of the night they go to, they choose their own bedtimes. And that lack of rigidness and rules is not something that I'm used to in the military. But isn't necessarily what would fly at a different duty location.

[00:37:17] Brett: And so I think what's interesting is Noah and Eli and what Meg and I are cognizant of. Is what are the societal rules that they're ingesting and I think of school as especially elementary school and middle school. It's much more than curriculum-focused, at least personally, though. I am the one that's concerned about academics between the two of us.

[00:37:38] Brett: If we had to choose, it's also about, like, learning how the world works and how to operate in society that standard changes. And the teachers are part of that micro-community that I'm talking about. And so I think I would just encourage folks who haven't thought about it before take a step back and look at the community that you're in and the general parenting style.

[00:38:00] Brett: And if whether or not that is. Connected to the way people teach the people with the way people learn. Is it more free-range? Is it less free range? Is it more rigid? You could imagine what a military on-post sort of community looks like. We're all up at the same time and we're all very rigid. So anyway, it's just a funny thing that I don't think I had ever thought of.

[00:38:18] Brett: Certainly nobody that's lived this lifestyle would ever probably think of. Um, yeah, I don't know. Meg, do you have anything? 

[00:38:25] Meg: Yeah, I think it's very interesting seeing those different dynamics and then having those conversations with our kids at home, you know, Noah will come home from school and be like, you know, little Timmy was doing this at school today and I was like, ‘Oh, do you think that is something that is appropriate in our house?’ And he would be like, ‘No, it's not.’ Or we see some of those behaviors coming into our house. And both Brett and I have, you know, we all have our parenting face and like, we just kind of look at our kids, like, what, where, what are you doing? Like, where did this come from? Um, but then there's other opportunities where, you know, it's not always negative, right?

[00:39:03] Meg: There's always, there's positive as well, where we see, you know, our kids are incredibly accepting of other people and, um, incredibly accepting of. All behaviors, right? And there's, you know, they're not saying like, well, that's a bad kid. That's a good kid, right? We believe behavior is very neutral and that does not base merit on a human.

[00:39:23] Meg: And so we see that happening with our kids too, which I think is, is, is just so beautiful to grow up in a space where they, they aren't judging based on those types of things. They're just saying, well. You know, this person is doing this, um, but they have, they have some, I think Noah came home one day saying they have a hard time self-regulating.

[00:39:45] Meg: And I was like, ‘Oh, okay, noted.’ You're also correct, but um, yeah, um, and so I think that that's the thing. It's so cool that they, you know, because they get to be parts of all these different communities and they're learning all these different types of behaviors and, and they're recognizing, you know, based on society, what's appropriate, what might not be, but also even if something's not societally appropriate, um, they can still accept that and they're not judging.

[00:40:16] Meg: Um, and I think that's one of my biggest hopes for our kids is that they can be accepting of all. 

[00:40:22] Olivia: Yeah. And I think something I was so inspired both of you. I have a long way to go with this, but you are incredibly, um, healthy humans. You're very athletic. And I know Brett, we had talked to you both joined a gym.

[00:40:39] Olivia: I think as soon as you get into a community or some type of facility like that, um, Um, and Brett, you do CrossFit before you had surgery recently, but is that something to like, when you go to a community, do you look for, um, networking in that regard as well? 

[00:40:58] Brett: So actually that is, that's Meg's thing. She just dragged me into it when we moved to Ithaca. 

[00:41:03] Olivia: That's so funny. 

[00:41:04] Brett: Meg has gone to gyms outside and has done CrossFit for years, has done um, other fitness groups. I'll let her talk about that, but she dragged me into it um, when we came here to Ithaca. And I love it. I think it's one of the best things we've done. And yeah, I think, you know, I don't want to speak for you, but a lot of it, probably 80, maybe 70 percent of it is for community.

[00:41:25] Brett: And the other part of it is for the physical activity. Um, and so it's, there's a difference between signing up for a traditional gym where you're going to go and you're going to be by yourself versus a community-oriented exercise group. And so I think that what Meg tends to find, and what I have certainly found since joining here, is that there are a lot of like-minded individuals.

[00:41:45] Brett: It's not just, they're not like, I'm not a gym buff or anything, but the people who are at that gym also tend to like community, and they also tend to like biking and hiking. And they also have kids that are around the same age, and they're around the same age. And so there's a lot of other factors that allow us to break through the ice early.

[00:42:03] Brett: And you also see the same people at their worst. They're nasty and sweaty and angry in the morning. And, and so it's really easy to just be like, yeah, you want to be friends? Like if you can get cleaned up and you can grab some coffee, then we're both going to be better humans than what you saw me this morning.

[00:42:18] Olivia: So that's great. Well, I'll pivot then. Um, and I'll ask both of you just to reflect and, what's Brett, I'll have you share. What's something that inspires you about Meg? 

[00:42:31] Brett: I think we've talked a lot about it already, maybe not specifically, but she is better than I am, which is like what you look for in any partner, I think.

[00:42:42] Brett: Um, but specifically better than I am in all the ways that I am not good at all, like that social, emotional, behavioral, um, the ways that she thinks about and how she can articulate our kids’ feelings and, um, I think there's a level of empathy, um, that she has that I don't have, um, or the type of empathy that I might have is so different than hers.

[00:43:09] Brett: And so her ability to feel deeply and to understand the boys' feelings deeply and see our community in much different ways than I do makes me a whole lot better. And I think too, she knows this. Um, Meg is about the only person that I could imagine having a partner with, um, because she is as vocal or more than me and fierce, um, and gritty.

[00:43:36] Brett: And so she's not, afraid to call me out, um, which I think makes this whole thing work, you know when you can have a conversation about I don't know if I'm doing the right thing if this career isn't beneficial for you or the boys I need to know or I'm feeling a certain way I know that she's not going to give me just a pat on the head and tell me everything's okay. She's legit going to tell me when it's not okay. 

[00:43:59] Olivia: Yeah. 

[00:43:59] Brett: Um, which she does a lot and that's good. So I think that's the part that I appreciate the most about her on a day-to-day basis. But, um, she's independent. And I think that's the other part for me. Folks that aren't familiar with our sort of lifestyle and community is the fierceness and the grit and the independence that is required of a military spouse, whether that's a male or a female, the majority are female, um, in terms of partners right now.

[00:44:25] Brett: And the independence is incredible. I'm not kidding when I say that Meg has to be a single parent, um, a lot of the time, more than I would like. And so, um, to do that, to have your own career. Cook dinner to grocery shop to raise two boys and to do it without understanding or having set predictable understanding of where your partner is going to be during any of that experience.

[00:44:53] Brett: Um, the majority of that lifestyle, unfortunately, falls to the partner. And there are opportunities that I have. This is one of them being in New York where I can give back. Um, but it is, it is not a symmetrical relationship in that regard. Um, and that's hard, that's difficult. And so those are some of the qualities that I think I like best about Meg.

 [00:44:59] Olivia: Yeah. Meg, how about you?

[00:45:12] Meg: It's so easy, right? Like, I mean, just having this conversation, he's like in a completely different room and I'm just like, gosh, man, I really love this guy. Um, yeah. So I think, you know, one of the things that I really value about Brett is. He's fantastic at what he does, right? I mean, he's, he's incredible in his career.

[00:45:34] Meg: He gives himself freely to, to his career, right? And he does this for that sense of purpose. Um, and I think that for a lot of people, it's very easy to get lost in that sense of purpose and say, well, this is the sacrifice that we're making. This is the sacrifice that you as a wife and that you guys as kids, this is what you're doing so that I, so that I can go have this sense of purpose.

[00:45:55] Meg: Um, and unfortunately, we, we also know some people who do do that. And I think what Brett does really well is he sees that sense of purpose. But he also sees the sense of purpose that we have in our home. And we have this responsibility to raising these humans to be amazing people. And they're, they're there, right?

[00:46:10] Meg: They're, they're these amazing human beings because they do have two parents who are fully invested in them. Um, and so I think, you know, when, you know, Brett has, you know, You know, there's this unwritten rule right in the military that you work long hours, and you work hard hours, and you are, you give everything to work and you leave nothing behind.

[00:46:29] Meg: Um, Brett has very vocally always said, ‘No, that that's not sustainable and that's not realistic.’ And so he does this fantastic job of he gets to work, he works the hours, he says, he's going to work. And then he says, ‘You know, this, there's still going to be problems tomorrow. Yeah, I'm going home.’ Um, and so one of the things that he said when we had Noah, he was in a really busy duty station, uh, when, when we had Noah, and he always said, I'm going to be the one who puts him down to bed.

[00:46:58] Meg: And so, oh, sorry, we're eight years into this parenting thing. And if he's not deployed, he puts both of our kids to bed every single night. Which, for people who don't live this life, that seems like a very trivial thing. 

[00:47:14] Olivia: I know, it's a big deal. 

[00:47:18] Meg: But yeah, he does. And they have, he sings these incredibly stupid songs to our kids every night that he makes up because he does not know any nursery rhymes.

[00:47:27] Meg: So, you know, he is silly and he is fun and he finds, he, he makes that time, he somehow makes hours appear that don't exist, um, so that he can be the parent that our kids need and, um, that our kids deserve and he does that in such a beautiful way, um, that it's, it's deeply inspiring and honestly, sometimes hard to live up to because I, a lot of times am the parent at home.

[00:47:54] Meg: And so, like I don't want to put you to bed, right? Like I just want you to go to bed. Um, and, and he, and he does this, right? It doesn't matter if he's been in the field, it doesn't matter. Um, if he's had a long training day, he, he comes, he leaves work at the door. He spends time with our boys. He puts them to bed.

[00:48:14] Meg: Um, and, and I think that, um, I think that is kind of a culmination of what I appreciate most of Brett is just that his ability to prioritize this sense of purpose for bigger than himself, um, you know, in, in terms of military, but then also recognizing this bigger sense of self with our kids too, and wanting to be an active participant and not a passive parent.

[00:48:37] Meg: Um, you know, we are, we are married, but we are an absolutely true partnership, um, in every sense of the word. And, um, you know, and, and I think that he is the one who pushes for that so much and, and it makes me very grateful, um, to, to get, to be part of that journey. 

[00:48:56] Olivia: Yeah. And usually I end conversations by asking, you know, what's a call to action or what needs to change?

[00:49:03] Olivia: And Meg, I think you just Illuminated that for us, you know, that idea of leave nothing behind. That doesn't really serve anyone ultimately, because then we're sacrificing everything for something else. So that idea it's, it's overused, but the idea of balance, I think that seeps into all careers in the world.

[00:49:28] Olivia: Um, but that demand of, you know, when I put my head on the pillow at night as a caregiver, am I able to say that my kids know I love them? And if it's a silly song I'm making up, what can we do to keep, whether it's five-minutes or an hour-long moment with our humans in the household so they know, they know that that's what matters most and that's What all the purpose is circling around.

[00:50:01] Olivia: Um, so I, this was incredibly vulnerable conversation that I'm just so grateful for both of you taking the time to, um, open up because I think that the world needs to understand what it's like to walk in the path of a military family. And just, you're both so caring and thoughtful and reflective. So thank you very, very much.

[00:50:25] Olivia: It's an honor to share your stories. 

[00:50:27] Meg: Thank you. 

[00:50:29] Brett: Yeah. 

[00:50:31] Olivia: Schoolutions is created, produced, and edited by me, Olivia Wahl. Special thanks to my guests, Brett and Meg Reichert. Also, a big thank you to my older son, Benjamin, who created the music that's playing in the background. You can listen to Schoolutions wherever you get your podcasts or subscribe and watch on YouTube.

[00:50:53] Olivia: Don't forget to reach out and share your coaching and teaching strategies by leaving me a voice memo at my website, www.oliviawahl.com/podcast, or by sending an email to schoolutionspodcast@gmail.com. Make sure to tune in every Monday this school year to explore how coaches, teachers, administrators, and families collaborate to create engaging learning environments and ensure every student's success.