Olivia: [00:00:00] Here's a question nobody asks at IEP meetings. What happens during the other 130 hours of the week? Because here's the thing, we can get so focused on goals and accommodations, and specially-designed instruction that we forget our children have entire lives outside those school walls. 

Lives that need downtime, joy books that reflect their experiences and caregivers who are not completely depleted. Welcome back to part two of my conversation with Stacey Shubitz. If you miss part one where we dove deep into navigating the special education system, go back and listen. It's right below this episode. It's essential groundwork for what we're about to explore.

In this conversation, we're talking about what most parenting books won't tell you that it's okay to skip speech therapy homework. That curating joy isn't indulgent, it's [00:01:00] intentional, and that when one speech pathologist slipped, “Take care of your marriage,” between recommendations for two word sentences, for Stacey and her husband, that person knew something most people learn the hard way. Stacey opens up about the cost of not taking care of yourself. The shorter fuse, the emotional overwhelm, the feeling that everything is a catastrophe. But more importantly, she shares what it looks like to protect your relationships with your partner, your other children, and yourself.

We'll explore why finding a middle grade novel about her daughter's chronic condition changed everything. How reading together creates a safe space for siblings to ask hard questions and why Saying, okay, well practice tomorrow might be the healthiest parenting decision you'll make all week. This is about more than surviving, it's about thriving. Here's part two of my conversation with Stacey [00:02:00] Shubitz.

This is Schoolutions Teaching Strategies, the podcast that extends education beyond the classroom. A show that isn't just theory, but practical try-it-tomorrow approaches for educators and caregivers to ensure every student finds their spark and receives the support they need to thrive. 

Stacey, I am so happy to launch into part two of our conversation. Um, I'll deem it beyond IEPs life outside of school hours. And, you know, listeners, if you have not listened to part one of our conversation, go back. It's below this episode. And Stacey, you know, as, as we kick off this part of our conversation, I'd really love to know more. Um, we've talked system, we've talked meetings, we've talked planning. Why did you want to include a portion of the [00:03:00] book to and dedicate it to beyond the school hours? 

Stacey: Well, if you think about it mathematically, there are 168 hours in a week. Approximately 130 of them are spent outside of school and like that's a big sizable chunk. Yes, there's a bunch of them where people are sleeping, but that, that's a, there's a lot of time away from actual physical place of school. I think it's really important that we think about those hours because years ago I remember being that parent who was like, we can't take a speech therapy vacation. Like we can't go away in the summer. And I over time learned that it was okay to take breaks. And I think, um, as I learned that I started living it and realizing like, yes, this really matters and it matters for myself, matters for my child, my husband, and for my other [00:04:00] child who is not the one going to therapy. 

Olivia: Yeah. I would say too that you very, very, um, intentionally chose the word curate. And so when we talk about curating joy, you didn't say find, you didn't say create, you chose curate. Why that word? 

Stacey: The idea of curation, of like carefully putting something together to, um, be very intentional to arrange our lives in a similar way to how a museum curator organizes an exhibition. I think you wanna highlight just certain things and you want to have a meaningful, joyful life, but it doesn't just happen. You have to work at it. And I think that's why I was very intentional with that. So thank you for noticing that word. That was actually very intentional. 

Olivia: Yeah. Yeah. And I think when we, when [00:05:00] we pause and you just said, you know, don't hesitate those family vacations, um, because of therapy, uh, we also need to think about downtime. Because often when our children are home, if they have therapy services, if they have homework to do, we tend to be relentless of, no, we can't let this go because it feels like it will be a downward spiral or a domino effect. So can you speak more to downtime? What, what are your, what are your tips about that?

Stacey: There are so many. Um, and obviously the book goes into very specific, like parts of it, like after school, weekends, school holidays, summer. Um, but I think everyone needs a break and they need to rest. Um, my son is learning a foreign language. Um, he has been for, I guess, three years now and we need to practice a little bit every day, and he has just been [00:06:00] depleted this week. I don't know if he's about to grow. Or if he's about to get sick. But he looked at me yesterday, he goes, I just can't practice today. And I was like, okay, 

Olivia: Okay. 

Stacey: Like, that's fine. We'll do it tomorrow. Like it, like the world's not gonna end if you don't practice your foreign language today. Um, and so I remember years ago when my daughter had vision therapy for ocular motor dysfunction. Um, which by the way, I think I've discovered I had. And that's the answer to why I struggled as a reader growing up 'cause it's kind of hereditary. Um, I think I I was like holding so fast and tight, like you've gotta do the vision therapy exercises. It's gotta be for 30 minutes a day. And I realized like that was really putting a lot of stress on this little first grader who was coming home from school, like, and pulling a second shift of vision therapy when she was exhausted.

[00:07:00] And my son was diagnosed with the same thing last year, like I said, runs in families. Um, and he went to vision therapy twice a week, no homework. And I found a place that said like, we don't believe that doing the homework is great. You know, it, it creates a lot of strife, um, at home. And so like we asked that you bring the kids twice a week. Now. I mean, that's a time commitment. It's a financial commitment, however. I knew that that would probably also save our home life. 

Olivia: Yeah. 

Stacey: So I think when we think about, um, how we structure our time away from school, we have to remember that like we need breaks and we need to rest, and our kids need to rest as well. And we're modeling healthy habits when we show them how we rest and take care of ourselves. Like my kids now at night, I read books in my bed. Like I am, I don't turn on the television. I really try hard not to scroll social media. And that is my time. That is my me [00:08:00] time where if I don't have it, I don't sleep as well and I'm grouchy.

Olivia: Mm-hmm. And nobody wants a grouchy mom, Stacey.. 

Stacey: No. No, they don't. 

Olivia: No. I I also, I love your curation of children's books and 

Stacey: Thank you. 

Olivia: Really leading and guiding us to connection through reading because every family can do that. Every family can read together and I've actually, it's interesting because my youngest is in eighth grade and my oldest has flown and he's in school, but we still talk about reading and it may not be reading the same book together at the moment, but we read the same book separately and then talk about it. That's 

Stacey: That’s nice. 

Olivia: And so and so…

Stacey: What real adults do…

Olivia: Right. Exactly. And so, yes, that idea of connection, um, but you really thoughtfully, um, curated a collection of children's books [00:09:00] that nurture empathy and understanding. So can you speak a little bit more to that?

Stacey: I think that most of the listeners of your podcast are going to be familiar with the concept of Windows mirrors and doors from Rudine Sims Bishop. Um, and so I, I think about that all the time because my second book was about mentor texts. I just think like, how can we make sure that kids are seeing themselves in books. And seeing the lives of other people. And when I think about disability, um, I really think it's important that kids see themselves in a book. My daughter has a chronic medical condition, and I will never forget when she found a middle grade novel about it. She devoured it and she said to me like, where are there other books like this? I'm like, I, I don't know, you know?

But maybe you have to write one one day. But the point is like, I think that she read it twice, which, I mean, she's a reader, but it's not like what she does. She doesn't usually reread things, but like, she wanted to buy it. She wanted to have it, like, [00:10:00] it was like really important to her. And kids need mirrors. They’ve gotta have them. On the same token, I'm sure you saw like there are books for siblings and books for families in there. And, um, my son and I, and I asked my daughter if I could share this before, you know, um before sharing it here with you today. 'cause I kind of knew that you might ask about this. My son and I are reading a book that has a neurodivergent character in it.

And, um, he's reading it to me. I'm not reading it, um, aloud to him. He's reading it and I'm sitting there listening and I'm, you know, being the literacy specialist mom, I'm just like, you know, having conversations about it. It's really interesting. It's really a window for him. And he says like, oh, is that like what my sister does or is that similar to when she da da da? I'm like, yes, it's same diagnosis. And [00:11:00] I think it's really helpful for him because it's helping him develop empathy for his sister in certain things that are hard for her, so all kids can benefit from this. So the book list is quite comprehensive. It's not perfect. I mean, I, I, I will always apologize for the fact that like, I don't think I categorized everything perfectly, but I did my best. And, um, there are some disabilities that have lots and lots of books, and then there are some that don't. 

Olivia: Mm-hmm. 

Stacey: So, you know, the book list does reflect that, but I tried to go with mostly picture books and some like really stand-out graphic novels and middle grade novels because I know that, you know, there are parents who are parenting fifth and sixth graders and they want those types of books for them as well.

Olivia: I love that you asked your son and your daughter for permission to share that story because I think a lot about our, our siblings and our, our children who are experiencing [00:12:00] this world on the periphery and the fact that the books can also offer opportunities for him to ask questions. That is this like what my sister or my brother are going through?

It opens space for dialogue and, and discourse within families in a really safe, beautiful way. So I, I am glad that you just uplifted that story. Um, the other thread in your book that was unexpected and extraordinarily important is the idea of couples and caregivers that are experiencing this together, uh, taking time to, to really nurture their relationship and to take care of themselves. So I wanted to end part two with you highlighting what happens when we don't take care of ourselves as parents of [00:13:00] children with disabilities. 

Stacey: You lose yourself. Mm-hmm. You feel like you're drowning? Um, because there have been times I have not cared for myself, um, in the way that I needed to, and it feels very hard. I have a shorter fuse. Um, I get more emotional. Everything feels like a, a catastrophe when I'm not taking care of myself, um, or when I'm not nurturing my relationship with my husband. That was advice that was given to me. The day that my daughter received a childhood apraxia of speech diagnosis in 2013.

I mean, I have, I, I still to this day have the pages of recommendations and one of them is, take care of your marriage. You must work on your marriage. Um, and when I asked why that was in there, you know, tucked between like how to get her to make like two word sentences. Yeah. And you know, something else about speech production. And he's like, because I've seen many families who haven't. [00:14:00] So this speech and language pathologist who, um, was really like this world-renowned person and gave us this advice to take care of our marriage, he had seen, um, many marriages, um, really have a lot of stress on them because partners weren't taking care of themselves, um, and nurturing their lives as a couple, going out on a date, just, you know.

Spending some time together in the quiet of the day at home, doing something together. If you start disconnecting from that person, I mean, like I know with me, my husband, like he's, he's an anchor and there are times when I feel like I'm losing myself and he jumps right in. And vice versa. I mean, we, we help each other. Like he is my true partner in this and I, I think that it's really important that we have to take care of ourselves and our spouse, partner, whoever we're doing [00:15:00] this with. If we are doing it with someone, if we're not having someone else who's a go-to who you can tap on the shoulder and say, I need some respite. Can you come over for a couple hours? I really need some time. 

Olivia: Um. What I appreciate, I've looked to you as a mentor for many, many years as a teacher, and, um, you're my go-to person when I need to know how to teach writing better. 

Stacey: Thank you. 

Olivia: I'm always growing. Um, and now it's this whole other glimpse into what makes you really special, um, because parenting is it just such a journey and it's really hard. In a good way. 

Stacey: It's the hardest job that I've ever had. 

Olivia: Yeah. And just to open yourself up and be so vulnerable and share this part of you and your life with us and the world. Is it, it's just so, um, so [00:16:00] humbling, Stacey. So thank you.

Stacey: Thank you, I appreciate your kindness, Olivia. 

Olivia: Yeah. 

Stacey: You know, you're, you're very kind. Thank you. 

Olivia: Yeah. Um, and I think that this conversation. Will help so many teachers, it will help so many caregivers. It will also help so many children as a result. 

Stacey: Thank you so much.

Olivia: So, and, and that's what this is all about. And so I'll go back, it's the title of your book again. Make the School System Work for Your Child with Disabilities: Empowering Kids for the Future. And that is indeed what you are on a mission to do. So thank you, Stacey. 

Stacey: Thank you. 

Olivia: Take care. I am so grateful to Stacey for opening up her life and sharing not just the strategies, but the heart behind this work. If you're feeling seen right now, if you're realizing that you're not alone and feeling overwhelmed, or if you're finally going to give yourself permission to rest, that's [00:17:00] exactly why conversations like this matter.

I sure hope this conversation resonated with you, and I highly recommend picking up Stacey's newest book, Make the School System Work for Your Child with Disabilities. The book includes a comprehensive list of children's books categorized by disability, practical strategies for structuring time at home, and honest guidance for protecting your relationships while advocating for your child.

This book is not just for caregivers, it's for educators alike. And here's something special. Stacey's even sharing a promo code for you to go directly to Guilford Press and buy her book. You can use the promo code E-M-J-A-N-1-5-3-3, for 15% off. Make sure to act fast because that code expires February 21st.

Remember, you don't have to be perfect. You don't have to do all the therapy homework. You [00:18:00] just have to show up with love, advocate with clarity, and protect the joy in those 130 hours outside of school walls. 

Next week, Melanie Mehan and Maggie Beattie Roberts are joining me to reveal groundbreaking research behind their new book on foundational writing skills. We are unpacking how understanding the brain's role in writing from handwriting to executive function can transform how we teach every child to become a confident, capable writer. You won't wanna miss it. 

Until next time, take care of yourself. You matter in this equation too.

Schoolutions Teaching Strategies is created, produced, and edited by me, Olivia Wahl, thanking to my older son Benjamin, who created the music playing in the background. You can follow and listen to solutions wherever you get your podcasts, or subscribe to never miss an episode and watch on YouTube. [00:19:00] Thank you to my guest, Stacey Shubitz, for helping us bridge the gap between classroom and home life for families navigating IEPs, 504 plans and disability services.

Please, if you found this valuable, share it with another caregiver, another teacher, another person who needs to hear that they're doing better than they think. Make sure to send me an email at schoolutionspodcast@gmail.com. To let me know what your next steps are, what you're excited to try next, and don't forget to tune in every Monday and Friday for part one and part two of my guest conversations with the best research-backed coaching and teaching strategies that you can apply right away to better the lives of the children in your care. Look for your 6o-second bite-sized piece of learning on Wednesdays from our conversation that you can share with a colleague. Take care and thank you for forever getting better with me. See you next [00:20:00] week.