BONUS: How to Raise a Kind, Empathetic Child

In this S5E13 Schoolutions Teaching Strategies BONUS, I unpack 3 game-changing insights from my conversation with attachment expert @attachmentnerd that will transform your approach to classroom behavior, student engagement, and inclusive teaching.

🧠 THE NERVOUS SYSTEM TRUTH: Learn why students laugh during serious lessons (hint: it's not about disrespect) and how this understanding changes everything about classroom behavior, student motivation, and effective teaching strategies.

📓 THE REACTION JOURNAL METHOD: Discover an innovative teaching approach that builds genuine empathy without forcing it - perfect for culturally responsive teaching, student participation, and creating inclusive classrooms where every child can process difficult content authentically.

🐕 THE GOLDEN RETRIEVER GREETING: This simple daily practice literally rewires brains for security and transforms student success, active learning, and attention in class. It's the ultimate pro-kid mindset shift for thriving students.

Whether you're managing low engagement, seeking education strategies for inspiring students, or working on school improvement through better home-school connection, these instructional strategies will revolutionize your teaching impact.

KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR EDUCATORS & CAREGIVERS:
✅ Why "reach before teach" is the foundation of student motivation and whole child development
✅ The critical difference between confidence and arrogance in empowered educators and students
✅ How to decode challenging behaviors as communication (essential for new teachers, teacher coaching, and instructional coaching)
✅ Simple strategies for parent communication and family partnerships that support education at home

Perfect for: teachers, education coaches, school administrators, parents, homeschoolers, teacher mentors, instructional leaders, school counselors, and anyone committed to anti-bias teaching and equity in education.

This episode provides practical instructional leadership insights, coaching strategies, and professional development ideas that support school culture transformation and education transformation at every level.

📧 Email me your biggest takeaway: solutionspodcast@gmail.com
🎧 Listen to the full interview with Eli Harwood: [Link to S5E13]

CHAPTERS:
0:00 Introduction: When Kids Act Out During Serious Lessons
1:02 The Nervous System Response Behind "Inappropriate" Laughter
3:14 The Reaction Journal Method for Building Authentic Empathy
4:45 The Golden Retriever Greeting That Changes Everything
6:38 Confidence vs Arrogance: What We're Really Building
8:12 "Reach Before You Teach" - The Carpenter's Son Story
9:45 Every Behavior is Communication
10:24 Weekend Challenge & Practical Applications

🚀📚 Watch the full S5E13  @schoolutionspodcast interview here (https://youtu.be/PdSf9T4zmQg)

Join our community of educators committed to cultivating student success, inspired teaching, and creating inclusive classrooms with a pro-kid mindset focused on the whole child.

📧 Connect: schoolutionspodcast@gmail.com
🎵 Music: Benjamin Wahl

Don't forget to  👍LIKE this video if it helped you, 🔔SUBSCRIBE for more teaching tips, and 💬SHARE with fellow educators! 

When coaches, teachers, administrators, and families work hand in hand, it fosters a school atmosphere where everyone is inspired and every student is fully engaged in their learning journey.

Transcript

 [00:00:00] What if I told you that every time you wanted to walk away in frustration from a kid who laughed during a serious lesson, rolled their eyes at your enthusiasm, or acted like they couldn't care less about others? What if I told you that they're actually showing you exactly where they needed your help the most?

Welcome back to this Friday's bonus episode of Schoolutions Teaching Strategies. I'm Olivia Wahl, and I learn so much every time I'm in conversation with Eli Harwood. I wanted to uplift and share three moments from our conversation - if you haven't listened to it yet, it's right below this episode. Go back, listen to that, and then come back.

It's called What Kids Really Need When They Act Out, season 5, episode 13. Today I want to revisit three of Eli's game Changing Insights. We'll go back to why greeting your kids like a golden retriever actually rewires their brain for security. [00:01:00] How you could use a reaction journal to build real empathy without forcing it, and the critical difference between raising a confident child versus an arrogant one.

Whether you're the teacher with a student in your class who you feel like just doesn't care, or the caregiver whose teenager treats you like a piece of furniture. These next 15 minutes are about to transform how you see every single challenging behavior, because as Eli taught me, you've got to reach before you teach.

This is Schoolutions Teaching Strategies, the podcast that extends education beyond the classroom. A show that isn't just theory, but practical try-it-tomorrow approaches for educators and caregivers to ensure every student finds their spark and receives the support they need to thrive. Welcome back to this Friday's bonus episode of [00:02:00] Schoolutions Teaching Strategies.

I'm Olivia Wahl, and I am still buzzing from my conversation with Eli Harwood. Those moments in an interview when someone says something and you literally feel your entire world view shift, I always have those moments when I'm in conversation with Eli, and I wanted to revisit and reflect on them with you.

So let's paint a picture together. You're teaching about something heavy, maybe the Holocaust, maybe slavery, maybe a recent tragedy, and suddenly a kid laughs. You feel yourself getting angry. You want to stop everything and lecture about respect and empathy. But here's what Eli taught me that completely flipped my perspective.

She said that nervous laughter is often the body's first response to horror and tear. Let me say that again. It's not disrespect always. It could be dysregulation. When kids don't know how to [00:03:00] hold those big, painful feelings in their nervous system, their body tries to bring levity to the moment. I've actually had so many adults reach out since this episode released on Monday, emailing me to say, yeah, this happens to me too as an adult.

So here is what I am practicing. Instead of a knee-jerk response, this is not funny. Instead I could pause and say like, Eli suggested, this is kind of awkward, isn't it? I want you to all notice when we laugh during this, because when we're laughing, it's often a sign that we're feeling uncomfortable about the level of pain in this story, and that makes sense because this is disturbing.

Think about that. We're not shaming them. We're not forcing empathy. We are teaching them to recognize their own nervous system responses. We're giving them emotional literacy in real time, and here is a [00:04:00] genius move of Eli's that I cannot wait to start trying in classrooms right away next week. She suggests having kids keep a reaction journal when reading difficult content, not a summary, not a comprehension question, a reaction journal.

I felt angry here. This made me want to look away. I laughed when they mentioned this and I don't know why. Imagine if we normalized all the messy, uncomfortable reactions to difficult content instead of pretending they don't exist. That's how we actually build empathy, not by forcing it, but by helping kids understand their own responses first.

The next one is so simple, and I've seen Eli put out reels on social about this. I promise you though, it is a game-changer and it can be in your house. It can be in your classroom. Eli calls it enthusiastic greeting, and she learned it from…wait for it [00:05:00]…dogs. You know how your dog acts like you've returned from being away for a month when you're just getting back from going to the kitchen?

That pure, unfiltered joy? Eli says that's what our kids need from us every single day. She said, and I'm quoting here, “My kids know without a doubt that when they see me, when they're coming off the school bus, when they're waking up in the morning, that my eyes are going to light up. My face is going to light up. My arms are going to be wide open.”

Now, I'll tell you, after learning about this, every time someone's coming in my house, I do my best to at least be at the door and give them a hug and greet them. But I also pay attention to how their mood is when they're walking in the room, because I don't wanna overdo it. I love how Eli speaks to attuning with the people around you and matching their emotional mood or state. The first time you try this, people may look at you like you've lost your mind, [00:06:00] but it's important to be present and let people know that when they're entering your space that you're excited to see them.

And here's what Eli said that really stuck. That structure more than maybe any other structure you create as a parent is making sure your kids know that they bring light into your heart when they come into the room. 

Teachers, this works in classrooms too. That moment when they walk in the classroom, that eye contact, that genuine smile like, I am glad you're here energy - that's the same thing as the dog greeting at home. This last one is for everyone who's worried about raising a kid who's too confident or creating a student who's full of themselves. I've got to also say this helped me reflect on how I go out in the world and my relationships with other adults.

Eli broke down the difference between confidence and arrogance in a way that made me completely rethink how I praise and support kids. [00:07:00] Here it is: confidence is believing I am worthy. Arrogance is believing. I am more worthy than others. A truly confident person believes everyone deserves safety, connection, dignity, and joy. An arrogant person believes there's a hierarchy of deserving, and they're at the top. So when we hold back praise or support because we're afraid of creating arrogance. We're actually creating the opposite of what we want. We may be creating kids who don't know their worth, which ironically can lead them to trying to prove they're better than others and develop actual arrogance.

But here's where it gets really practical. Eli shared Carol Dweck's approach to praise. Instead of you are so smart, which locks a kid into an identity they have to defend. You say something like. Whoa. I saw how you went back to your notes to find [00:08:00] what you were looking for. You remembered you had a resource you could use. How crafty (in Eli's words). You're praising the process, the effort, the strategy, things they can replicate even when they fail, because here's the truth. When we're learning, we're also failing, and then we're trying again, and growing, and failing again. Always. That's literally what learning is. 

Before I wrap up, I have to share the phrase that's become my new mantra, reach before you teach. I shared a story with Eli about a student who told me he only comes to school because he's forced to. And instead of launching into why education matters with him, I asked him what he'd do instead of being at school, and he replied, work with my dad as a carpenter.

So I tried to reach him where he was. I said to him to be an expert carpenter like your dad, you need crazy good math skills for measurements and literacy skills for [00:09:00] contracts and running a business. The next day, he nodded at me in the hall and that tiny nod, that was a connection - that was reaching before I preached, or I tried to teach him.

Here's what I hope you take away from today. Every behavior, the nervous laughter, the eye rolls, the disconnection. It's all communication. As Eli said, these kids aren't heart-deficient or care-deficient. They're tool-deficient. Remember, as Eli put it, human beings are a we before a me. We literally develop our sense of self through our relationships.

So every interaction matters, but, and here's the relief, not in a pressure-filled way. It matters in a you get to try again tomorrow way. I cannot wait to have you join my conversation with Kate Driscoll on Monday. She is the wonderful art_teacher_life. [00:10:00] Our conversation is all about how to nurture a love of art with our youngest children that will carry them through creativity into adulthood. 

And until Monday, remember, reach before you teach and maybe just maybe. Greet someone you love like a golden retriever would. Remember connection isn't just nice to have. It's how we literally build brains. Take care.

Schoolutions Teaching Strategies is created, produced and edited by me. Olivia Wahl. Thank you to my older son Benjamin, who created the music playing in the background. You can follow and listen to solutions wherever you get your podcasts. Or subscribe to never miss an episode and watch on YouTube. 

Here's my weekend challenge for you. Pick just one thing to try Monday morning. Maybe it's running to greet your kid with pure joy when they wake up. [00:11:00] Maybe it's pausing before correcting a student's inappropriate reaction and asking yourself and maybe even them, what is happening in their nervous system right now? Or maybe it's simply asking yourself Eli's daily question, what do I need to be regulated enough to connect with people in my life today?

Make sure to share this episode with an educator or a parent who needs to hear that they're not failing. When their kids act out, their kids are just showing them exactly what they need. And remember, reach before you teach, always. Make sure to send me an email at schoolutionspodcast@gmail.com and tell me one thing from this conversation that's shifting your thinking. Let me know what your next step is. 

And tune in every Monday for the best research-backed coaching and teaching strategies that you can apply right away to better the lives of the children in your care. Stay tuned for my bonus [00:12:00] episodes every Friday where I'll reflect and share connections to what I learned from the guest that week. See you then.