BONUS: Mindful Waiting: A Secret to Better Student Engagement

In this S5E16 Schoolutions Teaching Strategies BONUS, I break down MJ Murray Vachon, LCSW's powerful teaching strategies that seem almost too simple to work—but they do. Listen to learn how you can transform your classroom with 3 simple practices that unlock genuine curiosity and calm. In this bonus episode, 

Discover why saying "I don't know you" every morning can revolutionize student engagement, how 4 minutes of silence reached a defiant teen, and the 60-second "notice" practice that students actually beg to use.

What You'll Learn: 
✅ The "I Don't Know You" mindset shift for deeper student connections 
✅ Why waiting 2-4 minutes transforms classroom behavior and student participation 
✅ The 60-second "Notice" breathing technique for attention in class 
✅ How to move from judgment to curiosity with every student 
✅ Practical teaching tips you can implement tomorrow

Perfect for teachers, education coaches, school administrators, parents, homeschoolers, teacher mentors, instructional leaders, and school counselors looking for effective teaching strategies that create inclusive classrooms and support the whole child.

Chapters
0:00 - Introduction: 3 Practices That Transform Teaching
1:00 - The "I Don't Know You" Mindset Shift
3:04 - Small Shift #1: Practice Curiosity Over Knowing
4:00 - The Power of Waiting: The Bus Mooning Story
6:00 - Small Shift #2: Wait 2 Minutes Before Speaking
7:00 - The "Notice" Practice: 60 Seconds to Presence
9:00 - Small Shift #3: Start Class with Notice
10:00 - Taking It Into Your Classroom
11:00 - Closing: Curiosity Requires Discomfort

💫Check out linked episode mentions here:  
https://www.buzzsprout.com/1890886/episodes/18380877

Join our community of educators committed to cultivating student success, inspired teaching, and creating inclusive classrooms with a pro-kid mindset focused on the whole child. When coaches, teachers, administrators, and families work hand in hand, it fosters a school atmosphere where everyone is inspired and every student is fully engaged in their learning journey.

📧 Connect: schoolutionspodcast@gmail.com 
🎵 Music: Benjamin Wahl

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💬SHARE with fellow educators! 

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When coaches, teachers, administrators, and families work hand in hand, it fosters a school atmosphere where everyone is inspired and every student is fully engaged in their learning journey.

Transcript

[00:00:00] What if I told you that these words, I don't know, you could completely transform your relationship with your students, or that waiting just four minutes without speaking could unlock the most honest conversation you've had all year, or even that 60 seconds of noticing could give your students a super power that they'll use the rest of their lives.

In my conversation with MJ Murray Vachon, LCSW, she describes some practices that seemed almost too simple to work. But here's the thing. They do work, and today I'm breaking down exactly how to use them, why they matter, and what happens when you actually try them.

This is Schoolutions Teaching Strategies, the podcast that extends education beyond the classroom. A show that isn't just theory, but practical try-it-tomorrow approaches for educators and caregivers to ensure every student finds their spark and [00:01:00] receives the support they need to thrive. 

Hey there, it's Olivia, and welcome to this Friday bonus episode of Schoolutions Teaching Strategies. If you listen to my conversation with MJ Murray Vachon, LCSW this week about curiosity and creating calm, you heard something that probably stopped you in your tracks. A 14-year-old mooning a bus, nine minutes of conversation and life skills that lasted decades. If you've not listened to that conversation yet, pause this bonus, go back, listen, it's right below this episode, and then come back to this content.

Here's what I've been thinking about since recording that conversation with MJ. Every morning she'd look at her own two children and silently remind herself, I don't know you. And today I want to dig into why that practice might be the most radical act of curiosity we can offer, not just to our students, but to ourselves. And I want to share three small shifts that you can make [00:02:00] starting tomorrow that will change how you show up in your classroom or your home. 

When MJ shared that, she tells herself, I don't know you every morning with her own children. I had to pause because here's what's wild about that to me, these are the people that she literally created, raised from infancy and knows better than anyone else on the planet, and yet she consciously chooses to not know them.

So think about what that means for us as educators. We see the same students every single day. We know who wears the mask of class clown who's struggling with math, who always forgets their homework. We have files, data, grades, behavior reports. We know these kids, right? But what if that knowing is actually getting in our way?

Here's what I've noticed in my own practice. The moment I think I know a student, I may stop being curious about them. I may stop asking questions. I [00:03:00] may start predicting their behavior, and in that knowing I may have closed the door to curiosity. I've moved from the open, curious stance that MJ described where our body could be relaxed and mind asking, help me understand to a judgment stance where a body is tense and the mind is saying, why are you doing this again?

But here's the beautiful thing. We can change this in literally three seconds. So Monday morning, when your first student walks into your classroom, try this: look at them, and silently say to yourself, I don't know you. Not in a dismissive way, but in a genuinely curious way. Who are you today? What are you carrying? What happened between your house and my classroom door? I don't know you, and that is exciting because that means I get to find out. 

This is what MJ calls, putting your mind in a different state. [00:04:00] And it works because you're literally overriding your brain's natural pattern recognition system. Your brain wants to categorize, predict and automate. That's efficient, but it's not curious. 

When you say, I don't know you, you're actually choosing inefficiency and even choosing the discomfort of uncertainty. So here's a first small shift you can make. Start one day next week, just one day where you practice, I don't know, you with your students. Watch what happens to your questions. Watch what happens to your patience. Watch what happens to your relationship with that student. That usually gets under your skin. 

Now let's talk about the bus mooning incident because buried in that story is something I think we all need permission to do more of. Wait. MJ said she looked at the clock and committed to not talking for five minutes, and at four minutes the student spoke. Four minutes. When is the last time you waited four minutes for a student to [00:05:00] answer a question? I'll be honest, I don't think I've ever done it, and when I'm in high schools, if there's silence for more than maybe even 30 seconds, teachers start jumping in. 

We've been trained often to bail students out. We have this mindset of thinking we're being helpful. We think we're being good teachers because if we rescue them from the discomfort of silence, then they'll feel more comfortable and jump in later. But here's what MJ knew. That 14-year-old wasn't silent because he didn't have an answer. He was silent because he was thinking, he was processing. He was probably trying to figure out if he could outlast her.

And when he realized he couldn't, when he realized that she was comfortable in discomfort, he spoke. MJ only got the response from that student because she waited. So here's what you could try. The next time you ask a student a question that requires reflection, not a factual recall question, but something that actually requires them to think [00:06:00] about their behavior, their choices, their feelings, commit to waiting two minutes before you speak again. Two minutes, even one minute - set a timer if you have to. 

Ground your feet, take some breaths. Remember that their silence isn't a failure of your teaching. Their silence is the sound of their brain working. And while you're waiting, notice what happens to your own body. Notice the urge to fill the silence. Notice the discomfort. Notice the voice in your head that says, this is awkward, or they're never going to answer. Or I should just tell them the answer. That voice? That's judgment creeping in. That's your brain trying to make you comfortable again. 

But you know what? If you can handle those two minutes or one minute of discomfort, you absolutely can, and when you do, you're teaching students something incredibly valuable that you trust them to think. You trust them to [00:07:00] process, and you trust them to come up with their own answers. Because here's what MJ told that 14-year-old boy. I won't work harder than you. I will accompany you as you work hard. That's the deal. You're not going to do the heavy lifting for them. You're going to wait with them while they do it and be there as a support. 

So we've talked about not knowing, and we've talked about waiting. Now let's talk about the most practical tool MJ gave us. Notice. Here's what I love about this. It's 60 seconds. That's it. Ground your feet. Fill your seat in the chair, choose something to look at and take six breaths. That's the whole thing. And MJ did this at the beginning of every class. Remember she talked about the football players doing this in their huddles? Students started asking for it before taking tests. But here's what's happening beneath the surface that I think we need to [00:08:00] understand. This isn't just about calming down. This is about teaching students that they have power over their attention. Think about that for a second. We tell students to pay attention all day long, but we never teach them how. We just expect them to do it.

MJ said something that really struck me. The message they're given is that they don't have the power over their mind, and that is a very disempowering place to be. Our students are growing up in a world where algorithms are literally designed to hijack their attention. TikTok, Instagram, YouTube. These platforms have teams of engineers whose entire job is to make sure students can't look away. And we get frustrated with our kids for being distracted? 

We need to teach them that their attention is their superpower and they get to choose where it goes. So here's the third small shift: for one week, just five days start each class period with Notice. I [00:09:00] mean, truly commit to it. Ground your feet. Have students feel their seat in their chair. Choose something to look at, and then six breaths. You can time it, you can lead it. And after a few days, let a student lead it, make it theirs. And what I want you to watch for notice who starts asking for it. Notice when students ask to do it again in the middle of class because they're feeling overwhelmed. Notice how differently your class period goes when you've given everyone, including yourself, 60 seconds to come into the present moment. 

Because here's the truth, you cannot be curious about your students if your mind is already in third period while you're teaching second period. You can't notice who needs help if your mentally grading papers while walking around the room. You can't create calm in your classroom if you haven't created it in yourself first. That's what Notice does. It brings everyone back to right here, right now. 

So [00:10:00] here's what I'm taking away from my conversation with MJ, and here's what I'm inviting you to try one practice I don't know you with at least one student each day. Choose someone different each day. Notice how it changes your curiosity about them. Two: Wait, just two minutes. The next time you ask a meaningful question, commit to at least one to two minutes of silence before you speak again. Trust the process. Trust your students. Three: start class with Notice. 60 seconds. Ground your feet. Feel your seat. Choose something to look at and take six breaths. Do it for one week, and watch what happens. 

These aren't big dramatic changes. They're not going to revolutionize education overnight. They can make changes in your classroom because as MJ reminded us, calm is created from the inside out, and curiosity requires discomfort. The most radical thing we can do for our students is to show up [00:11:00] present, grounded and genuinely curious about who they are today. Thank you for listening to this Friday bonus episode. I cannot wait to have you join my conversation with Chrissy Beltran -Buzzing with Ms. B. On Monday. She talks about all things coaching. Until then, take care of yourself. Remember, you can't pour from an empty cup. 

Schoolutions. Teaching Strategies is created, produced, and edited by me. Olivia Wahl. Thank you to my older son, Benjamin, who created the music playing in the background. You can follow and listen to Schoolutions wherever you get your podcasts or subscribe to never miss an episode and watch on YouTube. Remember, as MJ told us, curiosity requires discomfort, and the most radical thing we can do for our students is to show up present, grounded, and genuinely curious about who they are today. 

Don't forget to email me at schoolutionspodcast@gmail.com. [00:12:00] I'd love to hear about what happened when you implemented the three practices from this bonus episode. And don't forget to tune in every Monday for the best research-backed coaching and teaching strategies that you can apply right away to better the lives of the children in your care. And stay tuned for my bonus episodes every Friday where I'll reflect and share connections to what I learned from the guest that week. See you then.