BONUS: Stuck With a Resistant Teacher? Try This Instead

In this S5E18 Schoolutions Teaching Strategies BONUS, I tackle the complex challenges within coaching relationships, especially when teachers repeatedly decline coaching. This conversation addresses the resistance and avoidance behaviors that can stall progress, offering insights for instructional leadership. It's an exploration of personal growth in coaching, emphasizing the impact of effective relationships.

What happens when a teacher says no to coaching? Not just once, but repeatedly. In this bonus episode, I dive into the messy middle of instructional coaching - those moments that make or break your impact as an education coach.

If you've ever worked with a teacher who avoids eye contact in the hallway, felt stuck in a coaching relationship, or wondered whether you're actually making a difference, this episode is for you. I'm sharing practical, try-it-tomorrow strategies for coaching teachers who are overwhelmed, resistant, or simply not ready for support.

In this episode, you'll discover:
- What to do when coaching relationships feel stuck and nothing seems to be working
- How to coach overwhelmed teachers who can't articulate what they need
- The one question that could transform your coaching approach
- Why asset-based coaching is critical for building trust with resistant teachers
- The difference between accountability and control in teacher support
- A simple notebook practice that will strengthen your coaching immediately

This episode explores teacher coaching, instructional coaching, coaching strategies, professional development, teacher support, mentor teachers, new teachers, instructional strategies, education strategies, effective teaching, teacher impact, school leadership, instructional leadership, education leadership, whole child, student success, thriving students, empowered educators, inspired teaching, education transformation, school improvement, school culture, and pro-kid mindset.

Your Action Step: Before your next coaching conversation, write down one word in your notebook that describes how you want to show up. Let that word guide your approach.

🚨NEW FORMAT ALERT: Starting January 5th, 2026, I'm trying a new format:
- Mondays: Part 1 of guest conversations + lightning round
- Wednesdays: 60-second midweek inspiration reel
- Fridays: Part 2 of guest conversations + my top 3 takeaways

Chapters
0:00 - Introduction: When Teachers Say No to Coaching
1:00 - The Foundations of Great Coaching vs. Doing It
2:00 - What To Do When You Feel Stuck With a Teacher
3:00 - The Most Important Coaching Move: Naming What You Notice
4:00 - You Cannot Coach Someone Who Isn't Ready
5:00 - Positive Determination: Keep Showing Up
6:00 - Coaching the Overwhelmed Teacher
7:00 - Accountability vs. Control in Coaching
8:00 - Being Human With Teachers
9:00 - The Notebook Practice That Changes Everything
10:00 - Coaching is Relationship Work First
11:00 - New Format Announcement for 2026
12:00 - Wrap Up & Action Step

Join our community of educators committed to cultivating student success, inspired teaching, and creating inclusive classrooms with a pro-kid mindset focused on the whole child.

📧 Connect: schoolutionspodcast@gmail.com
🎵 Music: Benjamin Wahl

Don't forget to  🔔SUBSCRIBE for more teaching tips, and 💬SHARE with fellow educators! 

When coaches, teachers, administrators, and families work hand in hand, it fosters a school atmosphere where everyone is inspired and every student is fully engaged in their learning journey.

Transcript

[00:00:00] Hey there. What happens when a teacher says no to coaching? Not just once, but repeatedly. In today's bonus episode, I want to lean into the messy middle of coaching - those moments that make or break your impact. I'm talking about the teacher who avoids eye contact with you in the hallway. That coaching relationship that feels stuck. And the one question that could change everything for you, if you've ever wondered whether you're actually making a difference as a coach, this episode is for you.

This is Schoolutions Teaching Strategies, the podcast that extends education beyond the classroom. A show that isn't just theory, but practical try-it-tomorrow approaches for educators and caregivers to ensure every student finds their spark and receives the support they need to [00:01:00] thrive. 

Welcome back to your Friday bonus episode. I'm Olivia Wahl, and I'm so grateful for you taking the time to tune into this bonus content. If you have not listened to my conversation with Chrissy Beltran yet, pause this episode. Go back. It's right below this one, season 5, episode 18. It's called The Best Qualities of an Instructional Coach, and then come back to this bonus content.

In that conversation, Chrissy and I cover the foundations of great coaching. Shifting from fixer to partner, understanding how adults learn, and building asset-based approaches. But here's the thing, knowing what great coaching looks like and actually doing it when a teacher shuts down or a coaching cycle stalls, those are two very different challenges.

Today I'm getting into the practical, sometimes uncomfortable realities of coaching work. I'm talking about [00:02:00] what do we do when relationships feel stuck? How to coach teachers who are overwhelmed or resistant, and the specific strategies that actually work when nothing else seems to. 

One thing that has come up in my work with coaches is this feeling of being stuck with a particular teacher. Like we have tried everything in our coaching toolbox and nothing seems to be landing. So what would I say to a coach that's in that space right now? I'd say I'm guessing that you've tried building the relationship, you've tried being flexible, you've tried offering resources, and it still probably feels like nothing is moving forward.

So the first thing I would say is that stuck feeling. It is data for you. It's telling you something really important about what's happening in that relationship. Because when we feel stuck, it's actually, or usually because there's a mismatch between what we're [00:03:00] offering and what the teacher actually needs in that moment. 

And sometimes what they need has nothing to do with instruction. Sometimes they need to be heard, sometimes they need space. Sometimes they need someone to just validate how hard their year has been without immediately jumping into solutions. I think too often we forget that our teachers are whole people walking into their classroom every day, carrying all of their life with them, just like their students.

And here's the thing that took me years to learn: Sometimes the most important coaching move you can make is to name what you're noticing and ask permission to talk about it. Like I've noticed we've been trying to meet for three weeks and something keeps coming up. I'm wondering if now isn't the right time for this work or if there's something else going on that I should know about? That is brave because it opens the door for the teacher to say, actually, no, I don't want to do this right now.

And [00:04:00] that could be scary for coaches because we feel like, well, isn't that my job? Aren't I supposed to be supporting this teacher? But again, here's what I've learned. You cannot coach someone who isn't ready to be coached. And if you try, you're going to just burn yourself out and damage the relationship. 

So sometimes the most supportive thing you can do is say, I hear you. This isn't the right time. I'm here when you're ready. And then you keep showing up as a person. You ask how they're doing. You offer small supports that don't require a big commitment. You let them know that you're in their corner, and eventually when they're ready, they know exactly who to come to. 

I believe that that is a way that can honor both people in the relationship. It honors the teacher's capacity and timing, and it also honors the coach's need to use their time well and build relationships that are reciprocal. It goes back to that idea Chrissy shared about positive determination, the quality [00:05:00] of keep showing up even when the doors are closed. 

This is what it actually looks like. It doesn't mean you're forcing your way into classrooms or ignoring boundaries. It means you're consistently present as a resource, as a support, as someone who believes in that teacher, even when they're not ready to engage with coaching. 

But then there's a flip side. What about the teacher who is ready, who wants coaching, but they're also so overwhelmed that they can't even articulate what they need help with. Like everything feels broken to them. And that is common, especially with newer teachers or teachers who are in a really challenging placement. This is where that asset-based lens becomes absolutely critical because if the teacher's sitting across from you is saying, everything's terrible, I'm failing, nothing's working. Your job is not to agree with them or to start making a list of all of the things that need to be fixed. Your job is to help them see what is working, [00:06:00] even if it's small. Even if it feels insignificant. 

Because teachers who are overwhelmed have lost perspective. They literally cannot see their own strengths anymore. So you become their mirror. If your default is deficit-based, the teacher is going to feel that. They're going to feel judged, and once they feel judged, they're not going to be open to your support. 

So it really comes back to that intentional practice of documenting strengths first, which Chrissy and I talk about in the main episode. Like training ourselves to see the positive before you start problem solving. And I'll tell you, this has changed my entire coaching practice. I walk in with curiosity. I'm looking for evidence of effort. I'm looking for bright spots. I'm looking for what this teacher cares about and where they're putting their energy. And that shift has opened so many coaching relationships that I think would've been closed to me before. 

I wanna circle back to [00:07:00] something that I mentioned earlier about the teacher who wasn't ready, because I think there's this fear among coaches that if we give teachers an out, if we say it's okay, if now isn't the right time, that we're lowering expectations or that we're not holding teachers accountable. But here's what I would say, there's a difference between accountability and control. We can hold high expectations for teaching and learning while also recognizing that people have different capacities at different times. 

Think about it this way, if a student comes to us and says, I can't focus today. Something happened in my family last night. We wouldn't say, well, too bad. You have to take the test and you need to perform. We would find a way to support that student while also maintaining our expectations. Maybe they take the test later, maybe you give them some grace on the assignment, but we wouldn't just plow forward pretending like nothing happened in their life.

It's the same with teachers. [00:08:00] If a teacher is going through a crisis, we can acknowledge that and adjust our approach while still believing in their ability to be a great teacher. It's not lowering expectations, it's being human. And I also know that when we give someone space and grace, they're so much more engaged because they know that we care about them as a person, not just a checkbox on a coaching roster.

So as I wrap my last bonus episode (yes, I am moving to a different format in the new year) I want to offer one thing that a coach could do to strengthen their coaching practice. 

Let's go back to that notebook that Chrissy mentioned. This week, I would love for every coach listening to carry a notebook with them everywhere. And before you go into any classroom, any meeting, any coaching conversation, write down one intention, just one. It might be, I'm going to look for evidence of student engagement, [00:09:00] or I'm going to notice how this teacher builds relationships, or, I'm going to stay curious instead of jumping to solutions. Whatever you need in that moment. 

And then after the interaction, write down what you noticed, what worked, what surprised you? What did you learn? Because coaching is an iterative practice, and if we're not reflecting on our own growth, we can't support others in theirs. It's just a good reminder that coaches need the same kind of intentional, reflective practice that we're asking of teachers. We've gotta model the learning we want to see. 

Thank you for being here. Thank you for the work that you do every day, supporting teachers and students. Thank you for continuing to learn and growing alongside me with this podcast. For everyone listening, I want to leave you with this: coaching is relationship work first and instructional work second. [00:10:00] You cannot bypass the human connection and expect to have an impact. You cannot fix your way into someone's trust. You have to show up consistently, lead with curiosity instead of judgment, and be willing to meet people exactly where they are.

Schoolutions Teaching Strategies is created, produced, and edited by me. Olivia Wahl. Thank you to my older son Benjamin, who created the music playing in the background. You can follow and listen to Schoolutions wherever you get your podcasts, or subscribe to never miss an episode and watch on YouTube. 

Here's your invitation for this week. Before your next coaching conversation, take out that notebook, Chrissy mentioned, and write down one word that describes how you want to show up. Maybe it's curious, maybe it's calm, maybe it's compassionate. Let that word guide your approach and see what shifts. 

And remember, great coaching isn't about having all the [00:11:00] answers. It's about asking better questions, seeing strengths before deficits. And being the kind of person teachers want to learn alongside. If this conversation resonated with you, please share it with another coach who might need to hear it. Sometimes the best thing we can do for each other is to remind ourselves that we're all figuring this out together.

You can find Chrissy @buzzingwithmsb on Instagram. Listen to our incredible podcast, instructional Coaching with Miss B wherever you get your podcasts. She has over 250 episodes full of practical strategies and real talk about coaching work.

This new year I am trying a new format starting on Monday, January 5th. You can look forward to shorter episodes. I'm going to break my guest conversations up into two parts. Part one will release on Monday the beginning of my guest conversation, ending in a lightning round to keep you inspired for the week. Wednesdays, I will share a 60-second [00:12:00] reel, a bite-sized piece from my conversation to keep going midweek and Fridays, I will wrap the week with part two of my guest conversation and end in my three biggest takeaways. 

Happy New Year. Thank you for tuning in and here's to forever getting better in 2026 together. Take care.