193. Triumph

There’s a moment in life when you realize you’ve been sitting in the passenger seat for years.

Rejected. Hesitant. Waiting for permission.
 And then—almost without warning—you feel it:
 Maybe I can drive now.

In this episode, the guys unpack the brutal, confusing gap between being rejected and taking full control of your life. Not the Instagram version of confidence—but the slow, uncomfortable transition where old identities die and new ones demand responsibility.

This is a confessional conversation about fear, maturity, self-mastery, and why most people fake readiness long before they’ve earned it.

🔍 What This Episode Explores

• Why rejection (from teams, people, life) often leaves us stuck in a passenger mindset
• The danger of “head fakes” — pretending you’re ready while still avoiding the work
• How fear of failure can either paralyze you or become your greatest asset
• Why there is no timeline for growth—and why anyone offering one is lying
• What it actually takes to shed old identities riddled with anxiety and self-doubt
• The paradox of strength: building the power to fight… so you don’t have to

🧠 Key Takeaways

• You don’t become free by wanting freedom—you become free by becoming capable
• Growth requires abandoning identities that once protected you
• Confidence is built through proof, not affirmation
• Maturity is realizing you can drive—and choosing where you’re going
• The goal isn’t domination; it’s restraint, compassion, and example

💥 Most Insightful Moment

“The point isn’t to have the power to erase someone — it’s to have that power and choose not to use it.”
— Toliy

This moment reframes strength entirely: true self-mastery isn’t aggression—it’s restraint earned through experience, pain, and growth.

🎭 A Powerful Metaphor That Changes Everything

Toliy breaks down the Hercules myth—not as a childhood story, but as a psychological map.

Hercules doesn’t become a god by killing monsters.
 He becomes one by diving into death itself for love—fully aware it may cost him everything.

That’s the standard.
 Not achievement.
 Not bravado.
 Selfless courage.

🎧 Why You Should Listen

If you’ve ever:

• Felt behind in life
• Been haunted by old fear
• Known you could be more—but didn’t know how to cross that gap
• Wondered why growth feels fragile and reversible

This episode will hit harder than you expect.

👉 Call to Action

Listen to the full episode and sit with the discomfort.
 This isn’t motivation.
 It’s a mirror.

Feel stuck and can't actualize? We'd love to hear your story - we can even dissect it on our next episode. Submit your story using this form - https://forms.gle/joegCWQ7mHt7eN3K9

Chapters

• 1:08 Facing Rejection and Taking Control
• 10:12 Breaking Free from Chains
• 19:12 The Timeline of Self-Development
• 27:06 Passing on Wisdom
• 43:19 Concluding Thoughts

Transcript

[00:00:00] Eldar: On this week's episode, I'll jump in the front seat. You know, I'll hold the wheel while sitting on someone else's lap, but you're not really ready for the prime time or for the lights, or for whatever, whatever it is. So it's like a head fake. 

[00:00:13] Mike: Love encompasses all of that. I think that's what connects us all.

[00:00:15] That's what we're all ultimately striving for. It's a thing that's, we're all moving. Towards, like throughout our lives, throughout reincarnations, you know? Mm-hmm. Call it that, 

[00:00:25] Eldar: from having to be completely down on your, on yourself and ridden with anxiety and all this stuff to now to finally seeing, what is it called, the place beyond the Pines.

[00:00:34] Yes. How long does it take?

[00:00:43] There's a point in everyone's life where they don't make that team. Right? 

[00:00:48] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[00:00:48] Eldar: I think that there, when we were like, got rejected by someone, by a girl, by a team, by whatever, right? And you almost on this like passenger seat, kind of like going somewhere you have no control over your life. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean?

[00:01:04] In that sense. And you never know like, like when is my stop? When do I fucking begin driving? Like when is my turn? I think that everything I totally just described. He was on his back passenger seat and was rejected from the team. Right. And he had no control. Like there was no say that he could have said like he had no voice.

[00:01:23] So that was the one part, part of it I was trying to explain. And then finally, I think he's fast forward where he's matured, he reflected on a lot of things. 

[00:01:32] Mm-hmm. 

[00:01:32] And uh, now he's coming to that point where it's like, oh, I think I can get behind the wheel and I can drive. 

[00:01:40] Mike: Mm-hmm. And 

[00:01:40] Eldar: I could choose a destination where I'm driving.

[00:01:42] Right. Almost like you finally come to the realization of maturity enough where you're like, I wanna make my own destiny. I don't want anyone else to dictate where we're going. Right. 

[00:01:53] Mike: Yeah. 

[00:01:53] Eldar: You know, and that's what he's saying. I'm like, look, I was rejected before. I was never like, I didn't make the team, you know?

[00:01:58] Mm-hmm. Now it's like middle finger in the air, kind of show my ass to everyone. I'm just gonna do me. Right? So the topic for today is, I guess, well the question is that gap in between. How do you get there? You know what I mean? Where you finally go from one end of being a reject, you know what I mean? Or rejected, right.

[00:02:20] To finally getting behind the wheel and saying like, guys, we're going there. You know? Right. Yeah. That understand it. Yeah. But a lot of times we have a little head fakes. Right. And the head fakes are like, I'll jump in the front seat, you know, I'll hold the wheel while sitting on someone else's lap, you know?

[00:02:39] But you're not really ready for the. The prime time. Right. For the lights or for whatever, whatever it is, right? So it's like a head fake, you know, you try it and you're like, oh no, that's too much. Oh, you try it. Oh, not ready. Right? Because a lot of times you probably didn't do yet the work, the, you know, self-development or education or any other, uh, thing that's gonna make you more competent and prepared for that time.

[00:03:04] I think totally just try to describe to you that like, look, I, I think that I finally understand that I do have the opportunity and I can actually potentially seize it. 

[00:03:15] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[00:03:15] Eldar: But the steps to do it are the complete new behaviors or new identities that are required for him to be able to exercise and employ.

[00:03:25] He can't look back. 

[00:03:26] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[00:03:27] Eldar: Because those other identities or the identity that's been holding him hostages whole time, the one that's riddled with anxiety, the one that's riddled with all the doubts, self-doubt, you know, self-sabotage and all the things that we always discuss on these podcasts. Right.

[00:03:40] He's like, I'm done with those friends. Those are my old guys. Like, they don't serve me anymore. I'm ready for something new. I'm ready for, you know, to be courageous, to finally go and stand up for myself and, and show my ass to the world. Yeah. So, yeah, that's good for him. I fucking, you know, I bou advocated for him.

[00:03:57] Like, know he likes the speeches. There it is. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And I think that, um, I probably would say that, um, the way we're designed, we probably all have this, these moments in life where we can maybe triumph past our traumas and fears and all this other shit. We have these glimpses moments and if we play our cards right, I think we can really get there, you know, 

[00:04:21] Mike: but it's delicate, right?

[00:04:24] Is delicate. Yeah. 

[00:04:25] Eldar: Yeah. Right. One misstep, one wrong move, wrong one thing, you go back to the old stuff, you know? So you have to position yourself in such a way where like you, you, you, you are worthy of that type of maybe success or that type of opportunity in order to finally say that, yeah, I am that guy.

[00:04:43] Mm-hmm. And, um, yeah, you wanna 

[00:04:44] Toliy: like, you know, like show character. Yeah, yeah. Well I was, I was saying like, run free as in like, you know, like there's like a bunch of like of these like, uh. You know, you, you always, uh, you, I mean, you were just saying that I'm, you know, I have my mo movie references, you know, so I'm gonna give you Yes.

[00:05:02] Hit us with it. I'll give you another one. I don't know if Mike will be able to understand it, because he wasn't allowed to watch Disney movies as 

[00:05:07] Mike: Yes. A 

[00:05:08] Toliy: kid. Mm-hmm. Only, uh, N Pa D. 

[00:05:11] Mike: Yeah. 

[00:05:12] Toliy: Um, but have you ever watched Hercules? 

[00:05:18] Mike: Is that a trick question? No, 

[00:05:19] Toliy: no. Seriously. Are you asking the audience or you asking me?

[00:05:22] Well, no, I'm asking you. I 

[00:05:23] Mike: thought we established that. I haven't, I don't, I don't think we've seen it. 

[00:05:26] Toliy: No. You, you watched it though though, right? You said I did. Yeah. The, 

[00:05:30] Eldar: the, um, the cartoon. 

[00:05:32] Toliy: Yeah. Yeah, I did. Yeah. You remember when he jumps into the river of death? 

[00:05:37] Eldar: No. But you remember 

[00:05:40] Toliy: me describing it, right?

[00:05:42] Eldar: Yes. I think you did. You described many different scenes from this movie. Yes. Okay. You know, um, like do you, do you, most of your life, 

[00:05:51] Toliy: do you play out as these main characters from the movies? I, I, I don't, I, no, I don't play out like, um, like as these main characters, but I resonate a lot with them and it, it does hit me in a particular way, yes.

[00:06:02] Okay. 

[00:06:02] Eldar: Okay, cool. Yeah, but I don't like 

[00:06:03] Toliy: pretend to be them. No. 

[00:06:05] Eldar: Not that you're aware of? Not that you're aware of? Not that I'm aware of. Not yet. Okay, cool. No, because I would al, I always think when you make these things Yeah, I almost like see you that you see yourself with within them and like you're trying to like model those.

[00:06:17] Toliy: No, like I'm in that moment, like, I'm understanding 

[00:06:19] Eldar: Okay. 

[00:06:20] Toliy: Like 

[00:06:21] Eldar: what the path. Yeah. 

[00:06:22] Toliy: Yeah. So the, the point was, is that like, um, you know her Hercules, like do you, do you know the concept behind it or? 

[00:06:31] Mike: Yeah. You spoke about it before. 

[00:06:33] Toliy: Yeah. You know, so, you know, so in, in, in one of the scenes, um, he jumps into this river.

[00:06:41] Mm-hmm. It's like a river of death. Like everyone in it is dead and they're like in the underworld, you know? And he, and he jumps in it 'cause he's trying to rescue someone that he loves. Yeah. That's like the girly worldly, the, the girly, you know? Mm-hmm. But when you're in this river of death, you age like.

[00:06:57] Every, like, few seconds. Is it like a decade? Yeah. I remember this of like time. Mm-hmm. You know, so like, you only got like, you know, uh, the, the, the devil actually like hate Hades, like the, the god of death. Mm-hmm. He actually allows him to jump in. He is like, yeah, go ahead. Go Savor. He sets him up. Mm-hmm.

[00:07:14] Because he knows that he doesn't have enough time to go down, down there and get her and come back out. Yeah. Mm-hmm. He had enough time to go get, get her. Yeah. He already knows that he's not gonna have enough time to get out. 

[00:07:24] Eldar: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 

[00:07:24] Toliy: So he is like, yeah, sure. Go ahead. 

[00:07:26] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:07:27] Toliy: Go jump in. Yeah. You know, and he jumps in and he gets her.

[00:07:31] And, um, and, and like the whole thing is that like, um, people turn into like, uh, gods when they do something like. Very selfless and like heroic. Mm-hmm. And very humble and like very like, uh, courageous. Mm-hmm. You know, like vir practicing virtue. That's like, yeah. Yeah. Like, he's trying to get up to like, he's, he's like half, half god and half hu human.

[00:07:52] I know this. Yeah. But, you know, the whole movie is him. He doesn't belong. Like, he doesn't feel like he belongs here. Mm-hmm. He's trying to get up to Mount Olympus. Mm-hmm. And like. He even like summons his dad at different times to go talk to him. He's like, whoa, what do I gotta do? Mm-hmm. And he's doing all this heroic shit, killing all these fucking dragons, slaying all the shit.

[00:08:07] Mm-hmm. Strong as hell. Yeah. He's like a hero, you know, like the, the criteria that they tell him is that you have to become a hero. Yeah. You know? So then he goes in this quest, you know, he's being trained by someone that looks like Harris. Yes. Right. That little thing that, that, that, that little uh, with the horns.

[00:08:24] Yeah, with the horns. I know talking. Yep. Yeah. With, with, with the, yeah. With the hoves. The hos. Yeah. Yeah. Um, so he is doing all this heroic shit. Yeah. 'cause he wants to become a hero. Yeah. Because you become a hero and you become a God. Yeah. You know? Yeah. But none of it is like working. 

[00:08:38] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[00:08:38] Toliy: You know, and then like he goes into this river of death, you know, doesn't care because he's trying to save this person for love, you know, in like the name of love.

[00:08:47] And then. Like in the, in, in those times for you to die, there's like three witches with one eye. Mm-hmm. You know, and they take your string and they have a scissor and they cut it. Mm-hmm. And once they cut it, you die. They're done. Yeah. You know, to, you know. So, um, um, he dives in there, he gets her as he is coming up, he's ready looking like an old man.

[00:09:08] Like they, they depict the whole thing, like he's a young kid. Yeah. You know, and it's like, I dunno. 20, he's already old man. All gray, white hair, like, you know, like that. And then like when they go to cut a string, 'cause now it's his time to die. He's already super, super old. Yeah. Like he's in his eighties or nineties.

[00:09:23] Mm-hmm. The string's not cutting, you know? 

[00:09:26] Mike: Yeah. 

[00:09:27] Toliy: And the string turn turns into solid gold. Mm. Like it's like a golden aura. Yeah. Right. And then. In this thing, he starts, it starts to glow, and he becomes a God that that's how he did it. That's how he became a hero. 

[00:09:38] Eldar: Yeah. From that, from that act. 

[00:09:39] Toliy: Yeah. For the act of love and like selflessness and to try to save somebody.

[00:09:43] Eldar: Yeah. Putting his life on the line. He was worthy enough. Yeah. 

[00:09:45] Toliy: He was worthy to become a God. 

[00:09:46] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:09:47] Toliy: You know? So it was like a completely different path than what he was, like a thinking. 

[00:09:51] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[00:09:52] Toliy: You know? So, um. God damn. I was trying to tie what, what I was saying. Yeah. I was looking forward 

[00:10:00] Eldar: to that. 

[00:10:01] Toliy: Yeah. And now I'm, uh, here.

[00:10:03] Eldar: Yeah. Naked and afraid. Yeah. A little bit. 

[00:10:06] Toliy: Yeah. Yeah. Well, well, yeah. I was trying to fucking tie it, but then I went down and told this whole damn story, you know? Yeah. Um, but oh yeah, I was trying to tie it as that like, like I definitely feel like I have these kinds of like chains. These, like, you know, and like when you're going in this river, like these dead motherfuckers are trying to like, you know, grab you.

[00:10:25] Yeah. Mm-hmm. They're trying to grab your shit and hold your coat. Yeah. Like, you know. Yeah. And then like, I think like as you change maybe, or as you do particular things, like you start to, you know, trying to break through. You, you, you break through. Yeah. So like, yeah. Like that, that's the type of like, uh, like in like a way, a moment I'm looking for, you know.

[00:10:45] Eldar: Hmm. I mean, you're saying you're seeing it now? 

[00:10:47] Toliy: Well, I'm, look, yeah. I like, like I don't feel like I have broken, like, uh mm-hmm. I've, I've completely become like, uh, like in, in the trajectory of like what he did, but this is what I'm, like, I'm aiming to break these, like 

[00:11:01] Mike: mm-hmm. 

[00:11:01] Toliy: Break the remaining chains I have and be able to break free, because when you don't have them, yeah.

[00:11:06] Like in, in the example that you were saying. Like, you could still have moments of like slipping or like this or that or making the wrong action. And then you look back and you realize you're still being held by something. By something. Correct. You know? Yeah. So like yeah. Like that, that like, yeah. My goal is definitely to break free of that and, and like the, like the complete opposite, like the severely like completely anxiety rid ridden person is like completely covered in these chains.

[00:11:34] Like they're in like a stray jacket, like they can't move an inch. 

[00:11:38] Mike: Yeah. 

[00:11:38] Toliy: You know? Like, I don't feel that anymore, you know? So, um, yeah. Like that, that, that's what I'm trying to, to get to. But I feel like I, I feel and I see the opportunity, you know? 

[00:11:55] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[00:11:56] Toliy: Um, that like I have to do that and to, to, to, to build something and then to like captivate the people around me to want to contribute towards that and to, to do that together and to.

[00:12:09] To go on that kind of like a journey, you know, like I, I, I, I like, I feel like the, uh, like, like the, I like the idea of that, but I know that I need to do certain things and like, um, yeah, take particular actions and like, um, well give some concrete examples, man. 

[00:12:29] Eldar: Some concrete examples. I could start you off with some if you want.

[00:12:32] All right, go 

[00:12:32] ahead. 

[00:12:33] Well, you said getting rid of your fear. For example, right. Or focusing right. These, these are some of examples where like, there's an ingredients here, right? You wanna bake a cake, you need certain ingredients. Yeah. You wanna bake a pizza, you need certain ingredients, tomato dough, and all this other shit.

[00:12:48] Yeah. You know? So talk about some of these ingredients. 

[00:12:51] Toliy: Yeah, yeah. So, so, so like that. And then I, and I want to also have it where like, like I'm not doing it out of like being, like wanting to be busy or like out of like. Stress, for example, or like, stuff like that. Like there's particular things that I do in my, my, like life where I can lose myself in it, you know?

[00:13:09] Where like, like, um, like it could be viewed as like a chore or like a pain in the ass to someone else, but to me it's like, it's like a lot of enjoyment. And before you know it, like kind of like time's up and it was all done, but like time was just like flew. Mm-hmm. You know? Yeah. Because like you, you just like, you know, in the zone.

[00:13:30] Yeah. Like in the zone, you know? Um, yeah. Like I, I feel like, like I, I, I know I'll be in the right place when I have like a, uh, like an endless stamina. Like, like I have to almost like, I don't know, force myself to stop. 

[00:13:46] Mike: Yeah. You know? Yeah. Yeah. 

[00:13:48] Toliy: Like that, you know, like that, that's what I'm after. 

[00:13:52] Eldar: Somebody have to pull you off.

[00:13:53] Yeah. Like, yo. You've been sitting there for 1800 years. Yeah, yeah. 

[00:13:59] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[00:14:00] Eldar: You forgot to shave or eat. Yeah. Yeah. And your nails are eight, eight inches long. Yeah. Yeah. You know your picture, the mic is, uh, typing with the nails, 

[00:14:15] Mike: you know? Yeah. So

[00:14:20] you were asking me for examples? Yeah. 

[00:14:24] Eldar: Like examples of what some of the examples that you, you know, like, you know, you need, or the ingredients that you need in order to finally like zone in, you know, or some of the things that used to hold you back and now you shed them right. Or if you're still wrestling with something, like you said, fear, right?

[00:14:42] Like you were, you were afraid. I mean, just recently you told me a couple days ago that you were afraid of what people would think or, you know, you, you esteemed others, right? For their opinions versus esteeming your own mind. Yeah. And your own abilities or your own creativity. Right? You own, like you said, child childlike wonder.

[00:14:59] Yeah. You know, for certain things. Why do people have to kind of hold you or tell you what to do and still drive you instead of you driving yourself? 

[00:15:07] Toliy: Yeah. Um, yeah, 1, 1, 1 thing is that, like, I know I've been holding on to like a fear of like a failure, you know? There you go. Um, that, that definitely is big and in certain aspects, like, um, like I had the same exact, um, fear when like, um, like when I was playing basketball to like, you know, like if there was an important shot or something like that.

[00:15:36] I did not wanna like, like, like I didn't wanna shoot it or like, when we're in practice or like, you know, when that was like, like, like we were doing things like, or, or, or just like in, like in general playing. Like, I, I didn't want that like big like, um, moment. Moment. I wanted to more like, be like hit, hit, hit.

[00:15:53] Mm-hmm. Hidden to just be like a, like a passer buyer, you know? But then eventually, like I went on the complete opposite path where like, like, I can't wait to shoot the last shot. Like, like. I wanted like, like I want to like, like do that every time. 

[00:16:10] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[00:16:11] Toliy: You know, like, like I, I like for me went the opposite.

[00:16:15] Like I completely like embraced that and like that. That was like, like I had so much confidence doing it, you know? You know,

[00:16:25] like, I remember even trolling like, yo, you guys been better not allow us to get the ball back. You know? Yeah. Like, and I actually like believed that I knew it was over, you know, like if you gave the chance, like yeah. Oh sure. If you had point game, yeah. You better make it, you know? Yeah. Otherwise you give an inch, that's it.

[00:16:44] It's over. Yeah. You know? Um, but, but yeah, I feel like because of some of the failures I've had, um, I definitely have a fear of failure and that fear of failure. Like it kind of like, um. It's like an inherent chain. It's just, it, it's, it's just its own chain kind of. 

[00:17:02] Eldar: Yeah. But maybe, you know, identifying that one in a negative way.

[00:17:06] Yeah. Uh, is not necessarily honest either or fair for you, because that fear might be actually a guiding principle for you now. Right. Because maybe WW why you failed before and you remember that, to make sure that you don't fail this time, uh, you'll make sure that all the, you won't have any stones left unchecked.

[00:17:29] You know, you wanna make sure to do the right thing and take the right steps to ensure that you actually succeed. Yeah. Versus just rush through something and not doing it to, to its completion. 

[00:17:39] Toliy: Yeah. 

[00:17:40] Eldar: No de you know, so No, I, it could a driving force depending on how you look at it. 

[00:17:43] Toliy: Yeah, yeah. No. So I definitely have that, but I have it also to like a, uh, like to, to yes.

[00:17:48] A benefit, but then also to like a, like a, like a detriment of like over analyzing. Yeah. And like, um, um. Because like, you don't want those bad outcomes, so that means that like, you're gonna try to like do basically like pro probably too much. You, you, you would benefit more from just, just doing and then like, uh, seeing, getting feedback and optimizing and doing all of that.

[00:18:14] Mm-hmm. But like, part, part of like the fear of like failing is like, um, like, like when you have a fear of failing, then you never do and you never have to then like potentially fail. Yeah. You know? You never, you, like, you don't face that fear in like a way, um, versus like, um, embrace it I guess in like a way, you know?

[00:18:36] Mike: Yeah. 

[00:18:37] Toliy: So, um, yeah, definitely had had that where, where like before I didn't have this kind of thing. Like I, I, I rem I remember I didn't have that like. That, that, that fear of failing, like at all. Mm-hmm. Like I didn't, like even like, think about that. 

[00:18:56] Eldar: Mm-hmm. But I think that it, nonetheless, I think it's more healthier now.

[00:19:01] Toliy: Yeah. Yeah. It's more he healthier now. Yeah. I also have like, like a lot of experience. Now, you know? 

[00:19:10] Eldar: Yeah. Talk about a timeline. What do you think a timeline for something like this is? If people are listening and like, oh, like what is he talking about this? Like, I, I don't feel this way. Like, how long will it take me to get here?

[00:19:20] You know? Like, uh, do you have a timeline in mind? How long did it take you to get from A to B or A to Z? 

[00:19:29] Toliy: But like in what sense? Like, uh, in a sense of your 

[00:19:31] Eldar: development? 

[00:19:32] Toliy: No. What do you mean? Like that's all for these people. Forever. Forever. Forever. You know, like, 

[00:19:37] Eldar: yeah. It took a long time. 

[00:19:39] Toliy: What? 

[00:19:40] Eldar: It took a long time.

[00:19:43] I mean, it's so going. I know, you know, but, but like, you know, obviously you, you still, you haven't like reached the point of like, you like, okay, I succeeded, but at least you've seen this opportunity now. Right? And that's what we're talking about, at least from having to be completely down on your, on yourself and ridden with anxiety and all this stuff to now to finally seeing, what is it called, the place beyond the Pines.

[00:20:05] Yes. That place, you know? Yes. What's that timeline like? Like how much goes into it? How long does it take, you know, for like, I, what I'm saying is like if cousin is listening, for example, right? Someone who's like yelled down on their shit and he's, you know, maybe starting point where you started. How long does it take?

[00:20:24] This is like a, this is 

[00:20:25] Toliy: like a classic question for everybody, for everyone self develop. Yeah. There's no like, there's no, like, if somebody gives you an honest answer, like they're probably like, if, if they give. So I want you to be realistic here. Well, if they give you a number, they're probably lying.

[00:20:36] 'cause it, it, it, it very much depends on like Yeah. Um, case by case. Yeah. By case, by case basis. Like, I don't even know what, what kind of answer to give. You know? It's like a That's a tricky question. Yeah. Well, no, it's not a tricky question because there there's no answer. Yeah. You know? Yeah. It depends on you.

[00:20:54] Depends on like, uh, depends on what you're willing and willing, willing to do, and how, how fast you're willing to like, learn, uh, learn. Yeah. And like, um, like what, what, whether you have enough resiliency or whether like, um, but, but there needs, there needs to be a turn, like a, uh, turning point of, um, of a, of like a belief, like a belief behind it.

[00:21:19] And there has to be like a good reason as to why you have that, uh. Belief, you 

[00:21:24] Mike: know? Mm. 

[00:21:25] Toliy: Like, like when, when I was in those positions, I never, I never thought about, um, like, like the things that I've already like, like achieved or like conquered, if you wanna say that. Or like, improved upon or like changed.

[00:21:41] Mm-hmm. I never thought about that being a possibility back then. 

[00:21:44] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[00:21:45] Toliy: You know? Mm-hmm. So like now I have like, I like. I have an un, un like un unbreakable proof that it's possible. 

[00:21:57] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[00:21:58] Toliy: You know, I like there, there, there, there, there's no part of me that doesn't believe that it, that like, like this can't be done.

[00:22:06] Yeah. You know, and I feel like, I dunno, maybe like in cut a sense 

[00:22:09] Eldar: before you with Alpha and now you, you like, you disprove that part of yourself. 

[00:22:13] Mike: Yeah. 

[00:22:13] Eldar: Like, 

[00:22:14] Mike: okay. 

[00:22:16] Eldar: Um, you don't have hopelessness like someone else would. 

[00:22:20] Mike: No, 

[00:22:20] Toliy: I don't. No, 

[00:22:22] Mike: no. 

[00:22:23] Toliy: Mm-hmm. But I've also built up, uh, like a, uh, um, a huge resiliency of, of being able to handle pain.

[00:22:32] Mike: Mm. 

[00:22:33] Toliy: So that helps. 

[00:22:34] Eldar: That helps. You have to have thick skin. 

[00:22:36] Mike: Yeah. So, Mike, insightful or no? What do you think? Because the kid is onto something, or No? I think so. Yeah. Yeah. I think he is. Yeah. I think he is. Hmm. Okay. Yeah, it's like, um, you know, um, 

[00:23:00] Eldar: it's interesting because like you would have to like really go back and see that, like what you're talking about now and what's manifesting or whatever in his life or what he's experiencing.

[00:23:11] For us, it's not hard to track. Right. But for maybe for somebody who was listening and like just tuning in or whatever, it's like, what? Yeah. What, what, what, what is being said? Why is it being said the way it is, you know? Mm-hmm. Like, I definitely see it. You see it, right? 

[00:23:24] Mike: Yeah. 

[00:23:25] Eldar: She clearly sees it. Mm-hmm.

[00:23:26] It's pretty evident. 

[00:23:28] Mike: Yeah. 

[00:23:28] Eldar: Um, but without the journey. Which, which is a long journey, right? How do you put it into words? How do you give a timeline? How do you like, say, okay, you know, I start there, you know, I'll do this, you know, to get you to this type of place. Like, yeah, like to put a timeline. It's like, it's like lying.

[00:23:46] Mike: Mm-hmm. You can't 

[00:23:46] Eldar: put a timeline on this. You can't put like a, okay, uh, I gotta 10 step program, you know, to get your life in order. Like, no, like, that's 

[00:23:55] Mike: impossible. You'd be lying. So it's interesting, you know. We'll see. 

[00:24:03] Toliy: Jury's still out on you, you know? Yeah, yeah. I want to get this, uh, quote, 'cause it really applies here.

[00:24:08] Eldar: Mm. 

[00:24:08] Toliy: Okay. Very well 

[00:24:09] Eldar: get it. 

[00:24:10] Toliy: Yeah. It, it was something along the lines of like, um, you know, like the, the person he's training wants to learn to fight. Mm-hmm. But he's basically trying to show him the whole time that like the point of learning to fight is to not have to fight. 

[00:24:22] Eldar: Yeah. The paradox. 

[00:24:24] Toliy: Yeah. And then he's like, what do you mean?

[00:24:26] Like you could just beat up all these guys. Like what are you, what are you talking about? Yeah. You know, because like he's nasty. Mm-hmm. 

[00:24:33] Mike: You know, I have the quote that you're talking about. Yeah. But in Russian. Oh, I just sent it to somebody. Really? Yeah. It's one your favorite movie. I don't remember it, but it's from Sasha Bailey Uhhuh.

[00:24:42] I want me to do it. Yeah. Might understand. But yeah, no, we'll 

[00:24:45] Eldar: translate it.

[00:25:08] Yeah, that's, that's a good point. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So it, it started like totally, yeah. Yeah. It did start like that. Yeah. Yeah. But he, then he went a little bit different. Yeah. So he said, he said, um, the point is not, is to have the, you know, to, to have the ability to, you know, well, to have the power to like completely erase a person mm-hmm.

[00:25:28] But not do that. But instead, uh, offer your hand. Give a hand. Yeah. Give a hand. Yeah. And that's what, that's along the lines of what he's saying. Like, Hey, you could beat up all these people. Like, what's the problem here? You know? 

[00:25:38] Mike: Yeah. 

[00:25:39] Eldar: He's like, no, the point is to have the ability to be beat, beat everyone up, but not do anything at all.

[00:25:44] Mm-hmm. You know, like refrain from that. Mm-hmm. And that's the actual practice. 

[00:25:48] Mike: Yeah. Didn't, wasn't there like a moment in peaceful warrior. Yeah. That he was like, yo, so fuck these guys up. Yeah. Let's beat 'em up then, because they're about to rob him. Yeah. Okay. Well, wow. Yeah. Okay. He's all you doing? Yeah.

[00:25:59] He's like, what size jacket are you? Uh, what's his name? Give him your jacket, man. Yeah. Yeah. What size shoes are you? Yeah. Oh, you like those 

[00:26:05] Toliy: pants? Yeah. Yeah. You know? Yeah. That, that, that, that's like the point of it is that like, like it's also like build up your thick skin, build up, like, you know, all your like abilities to do all the shit.

[00:26:19] Mm-hmm. But I don't think that like. You're, you're supposed to like be constantly under like this kind of gun, you know, you're supposed to have the thickest skin mm-hmm. For example. Yeah. Like a true lizard monkey, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Um, but not need, but not need to use it. Exercise it. Yeah. But not need to exercise it.

[00:26:37] There's a lot of good, like paradoxical quotes, decent 

[00:26:40] Eldar: philosophy. 

[00:26:40] Toliy: Why, why you don't need to, why, why you need to do that. To exercise it. 

[00:26:44] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:26:45] Toliy: Because I think that like the purpose of doing it is that. You don't need to exercise it for yourself. I think then you have the ability to exercise it for others

[00:26:58] Eldar: in a sense of protection. 

[00:26:59] Toliy: No, not in a sense, sense of protection. An an sense of example. An example of teaching properly. 

[00:27:04] Eldar: Okay. Yeah, that makes sense. 

[00:27:06] Toliy: You know, so like you build up to pass it on. Yes. You know, that's 

[00:27:09] Eldar: interesting. 

[00:27:10] Toliy: You know? Yeah. Like you no longer need to use it for yourself. 

[00:27:12] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:27:13] Toliy: But now you have the ability to, you know.

[00:27:15] Be patient with people. Mm-hmm. Be compassionate, be understanding. Yes. Be the example. Be, yeah. So you build up all the stuff for your own self-defense. Yeah. But you no longer need, need to fight. Yeah. And you need to help others who are still needing to fight. 

[00:27:31] Eldar: Well, yeah. That's like the ultimate of filling your own cup.

[00:27:33] Mike: Yeah. 

[00:27:34] Eldar: And then being able to give it back. 

[00:27:36] Mike: Yeah. Yeah.

[00:27:41] Eldar: That's where probably where it, we all connected in that little process, right? 

[00:27:47] Mike: Yeah. 

[00:27:48] Eldar: Of, of exchange of that type of energy or prolonging 

[00:27:52] Toliy: Yeah. 

[00:27:52] Eldar: Our wellbeing. 

[00:27:53] Toliy: Yeah. Yeah. 'cause like, like I know for example, like, you know, like, like you're, you're now fighting the same battle, like the same exact battles for example, is like me, you know?

[00:28:04] Mm-hmm. But, um. Like, you don't need, like maybe you did before and you don't need to anymore. You know, like you don't feel that way. Yeah. Or for your, for your own self. Yeah. You need to constantly do that. I'm definitely fighting certain 

[00:28:16] Eldar: battles. I'm Yeah, definitely trying to figure things out because I definitely don't have it figured out, but 

[00:28:20] Mike: Yeah.

[00:28:20] Eldar: But certain things that you actually, you know, like going through a, went through. Yeah. I definitely, like, that's a like a long ago and like I've definitely passed those levels. 

[00:28:28] Toliy: Yeah. 

[00:28:29] Eldar: You know, so, yeah. 

[00:28:30] Toliy: You know, and then I think that like. Like the, the new generation of people that are like, learn learning, like, you know.

[00:28:38] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[00:28:40] Toliy: You have plenty to pass down to, to those people. And like, they're gonna be fighting those battles that like, you know, that like, I dunno, like say that like, I already fought, I already conquered, I'm not fighting anymore. Yeah. You know? So maybe people, people like, 'cause I could contribute to someone like him.

[00:28:54] Yeah. You know? Yeah. And then eventually he could contribute to someone like else for, for example. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And you keep passing that on. Yeah. And you Yeah. And you keep passing it on to, to, to, to those that want to fight, which is important. 

[00:29:07] Eldar: And I think it's inevitable. Right. I don't think it's like one of those things where it's like, all right, cool.

[00:29:10] You can just get all these tools and then you, you can never like, share it. 

[00:29:13] Toliy: Yeah. 

[00:29:14] Eldar: Like I think it's inevitable for you to start sharing. Right. You can't just refrain yourself, like, I'm just gonna keep these tools for myself. 

[00:29:20] Toliy: If you truly, if you truly have those tools, then yes, that's what I'm saying. Yeah.

[00:29:23] Like if you 

[00:29:23] Eldar: actually got it. Yeah. If you understand it, yeah. Then like it's inevitable for you to be able to pass them on. 

[00:29:28] Toliy: Yeah. And, and, and we were talking and, and I forget which topic it was that Cat was talking about. I don't know if it was, remember if it was last week or the week before, whenever that was.

[00:29:38] Um. We were talking about that like, you're not supposed to be like on like fly swatting mode, right. Where you're looking for the next one. Mm-hmm. To like 

[00:29:45] Mike: hit Yeah. 

[00:29:46] Toliy: And be this like protector of your thing, right. Where you're constantly have to like shoot down like things trying to infiltrate you like 

[00:29:53] Eldar: that.

[00:29:53] Yeah. 

[00:29:54] Toliy: That, that's like an exhausting, like that, that's not how it's supposed to be. 

[00:29:57] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:29:58] Toliy: You know? Um, you're, you're, you're, you're supposed to learn so that you don't need to, you don't, you don't, you're not supposed to be in like a, like a defense mode like that, you know, where you're constantly having to fight off things.

[00:30:10] You're supposed to learn ways of doing things to not need to Yeah. To fight off. Like, tho those enemies are no longer enemies that you Yeah. That you need to battle with. Yeah. You know? 

[00:30:21] Eldar: No, 

[00:30:22] Mike: I agree. Mike got anything, um, on this, 

[00:30:28] on this? No, no, no. I mean, um, not really. No. I think, uh, 

[00:30:34] Eldar: do you see yourself also like, totally like, hey, as like, like pass it on that knowledge or that understanding to some people also, like, you know, that that also may be suffering from some of the stuff that you've graduated from, 

[00:30:45] Mike: I mean, like with your family.

[00:30:46] I know, of course. I mean, uh, I think I generally try to Yeah. You know, help people with whatever I can help them with. Yeah. You know, regardless. If I conquered it or not, or if I'm like, you know, I have an understanding about it or not, you know? But yeah, I mean I was always a big believer in help to help others, you know?

[00:31:07] Mm-hmm. I think I struggled with not helping myself at first for, you know, 

[00:31:11] yeah. 

[00:31:11] A very long time. That was my, my thing. But yeah, I think I tried to always be available to help people whichever way that I could. Sometimes wrong. Yeah. Sometimes you be give wrong help. Yeah. You know, I'm definitely, uh, guilty of that.

[00:31:29] Yeah. 

[00:31:30] But yeah, sometimes I give Right help. Definitely guilty of that too. Or given help when it's not solicited or given help when it's not necessary. Yeah. Yeah. I'm guilty of that for sure. So, yeah. Mm-hmm. I think so. But I do think that's, that's the ultimate thing. I mean, love encompasses all of that, you know, treat everybody with love.

[00:31:51] Yeah. You know? And I think that's part of it, you know? Mm-hmm. To help them, to extend them, maybe the compassion or sometimes expense them. Something that's a little bit, you know, the opposite of compassion. Mm-hmm. Maybe justice, you know? Yeah. That's, give them the truth. You're big, 

[00:32:07] Eldar: big, big on 

[00:32:08] Mike: that. Give them the truth instead of giving them 

[00:32:11] Yeah.

[00:32:12] When they need it. Rather not, instead of, but give them what they need and the time identifying that. Mm-hmm. You know, so I think. I think that's what connects us all. That's what we're all ultimately striving for. It's the thing that's we're all moving towards, like throughout our lives, throughout reincarnations, you know?

[00:32:30] Mm-hmm. Call it that. We're trying to get there. 

[00:32:35] Yeah. That's, that is a good point. Yep. 

[00:32:38] Yeah, 

[00:32:38] I think 

[00:32:38] that's the, yeah, I think that's like 

[00:32:43] the, uh, ultimate 

[00:32:45] boss, I 

[00:32:45] guess, 

[00:32:46] you know. Mm-hmm. 

[00:32:48] To have that, not just like a romantic love, but obviously Yeah. That's the, that's the big one. Mm-hmm. But love for yourself.

[00:32:56] And love for from, from a, 

[00:32:59] Eldar: a significant other. A 

[00:33:00] Mike: significant other. Yeah. That's ultimately the goal. So then you can also spread it. 

[00:33:03] Eldar: Mm-hmm. And multiply 

[00:33:05] Mike: it. And multiply it. But I think as we see in life, uh, people have different journeys that, that they're going on thinking they're going to the, to that destination.

[00:33:14] Yeah. 

[00:33:15] But. A lot of times people are confused, we're confused, you know? 

[00:33:21] Mm-hmm. 

[00:33:22] About the 

[00:33:22] steps to get there for whatever reasons. Yeah. I 

[00:33:30] Toliy: think I, uh, I told you this before, but um, I have this particular like, um, like memory, um, from when I was like, really? It's probably one of the oldest me memories that like, I vividly like, uh, remember, you know, and it's fear-based, 

[00:33:47] Mike: you know?

[00:33:48] Really? 

[00:33:49] Toliy: Yeah. 

[00:33:50] Mike: What is it?

[00:33:53] Your grandfather? 

[00:33:54] Eldar: What? Your grandfather No. Grandpa died. 

[00:33:56] Toliy: No, no, no, no way before that. 

[00:33:58] Eldar: Oh, 

[00:33:58] Toliy: way before that. 

[00:33:59] Eldar: Mm. 

[00:34:00] Toliy: Uh, you know, my, my family was still living in, uh, Queens. 

[00:34:04] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:34:04] Toliy: You know, in Jackson Heights and Northern Boulevard. 

[00:34:07] Eldar: Mm. 

[00:34:07] Toliy: And like, have you ever been on Northern Boulevard like that? Like Yeah, of course.

[00:34:11] I Dr. Driven there a lot of times. Yeah. Yeah. There was a, uh, like, you know, there was like a blockbuster. 

[00:34:17] Eldar: Hmm. 

[00:34:17] Toliy: Like, uh, you know the story. 

[00:34:19] Eldar: I think I do. Yeah, 

[00:34:20] Toliy: yeah, yeah. There, there, there was a blockbuster, like, I don't know, it was like, probably, like, I, I'm hoping I remember this part correctly. It was probably anywhere from like four to, let's just say eight blocks away from the apartment building.

[00:34:38] And these are like big blocks, like they Yeah. Avenues. Yeah. They're, they're like, yeah, big. Mm-hmm. You know, and, um, there was some like. Like this, like, um, Ru Russian family that my, my parents were like friends with and they had two kids and they were both older, you know, and one of them, he was like, babysitting me, 

[00:34:57] Mike: you know?

[00:34:57] Mm-hmm. Yeah. Like, 

[00:34:58] Toliy: you know, um, I don't know. My parents left somewhere, something like, or grandparents, like, they had like, I dunno, they probably had some something to like, do I don't remember what. 

[00:35:08] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:35:08] Toliy: You know, and then he was like, one of the things was like supposed to take me to blockbuster. 

[00:35:12] Eldar: Instead he took you somewhere else?

[00:35:14] Toliy: No. 

[00:35:14] Eldar: He took you deep? 

[00:35:15] Toliy: No. Oh no. Thankfully you were just a little boy. No, thankfully no. Okay. No, he took me to the blockbuster. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And then like one of his, like friends or something like that, they were like chilling outside there. 

[00:35:27] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[00:35:28] Toliy: And then, um, you know, like, I dunno, uh, like I don't remember if we bought something there or we got something or not.

[00:35:37] Mm-hmm. But long story short, I, um. Like he, he said something like, Hey, like, I'm gonna go hang out with my friend. So like 

[00:35:44] Mike: mm-hmm. 

[00:35:45] Toliy: You know, like, you get home. 

[00:35:47] Mike: Yeah. 

[00:35:47] Toliy: You know, and I was like, I didn't like IRO froze. I didn't say anything. I didn't say like, I dunno how to Yeah. Like, yeah. Like, you gotta, like, you know, you gotta take walk back, walk, walk, take me back.

[00:35:57] You know, like, I'm like tiny. Yeah. You know? And then like, yeah. I just kind of froze and he just started walking the other way with this group of friends. Oh my God. You know? Yeah. And he left me there, you know? Yeah. And then I, I like, I vividly remember. Literally, I was on, on, on like the avenue and I was running back home.

[00:36:15] Eldar: Mm-hmm. 

[00:36:16] Toliy: Like a madman. Like a madman. But it was like, it was like, like the memory I have of it is like running in complete slowmo, like passing by all these like strange, weird, scary looking people. Mm-hmm. Like smoking cigarettes or like this, or like, you know. Mm-hmm. Just like, yeah. You know, it was like a, 

[00:36:33] Eldar: yeah, 

[00:36:34] Toliy: like a weird kind, kind of like, like not so safe, like this, like area.

[00:36:37] Mm-hmm. You know? Yeah. And I just like, you know, one of my earliest memories is like being like, like, you know, like left there and then like being very fearful. 

[00:36:50] Mike: Mm. You know, 

[00:36:52] Toliy: and then like, I re, I re I, I remember like running back to the apartment. 

[00:36:56] Mike: Mm-hmm. 

[00:36:57] Toliy: Building. Yeah. And that, that like, like, it just took so long, it was like the longest.

[00:37:02] Mm-hmm. Whatever it was. Probably like 15 minutes or something. 

[00:37:05] Eldar: Hmm. 

[00:37:05] Toliy: Like of my life, period. I just like the memory I have of it is like, like, I'm like, you know, going and like, were you crying? Huh? Were you crying? No. Oh no. Did you, you pee yourself? No. 

[00:37:16] Mike: Okay. 

[00:37:17] Toliy: No. 

[00:37:17] Mike: Did you snitch on him? Of 

[00:37:19] Toliy: course. I don't remember if I snitch on him or not.

[00:37:21] I probably did. Yeah. Of pissed, you know. Yeah. Like, I'm glad didn't Yeah. Style, you know? Yeah. You know, like, like, and it was dark, it was pitch black outside. Oh, real. I didn't know it was dark. No, it was dark. Oh, I didn't know that. It was like, 

[00:37:32] Eldar: okay. 

[00:37:33] Toliy: It was like eight or 9:00 PM or something. Wow. Like it, it was, it was dark.

[00:37:36] Yeah. It was completely dark outside. 

[00:37:37] Eldar: That's crazy. You know? Mm-hmm. And then like, what an 

[00:37:40] Toliy: idiot. Yeah. And I just remember being like, um, like, like it, it was, it was like a very fearful scenario. Mm-hmm. I dunno, I was probably like, I had to be like. Four or five, like mm-hmm. Like that, you know? Well, yeah, definitely traumatizing.

[00:37:54] Yeah. Like that. It was like a weird thing. Yeah. You know? Um, and I just rem like my, my, my memory of it now, like, as I remember it, like I still vividly remember the whole runback. Wow. Right. I just remember it in Slowmo, like completely, like, you know mm-hmm. Like, I'm running. Yeah. But like, everything's like, you know, slow and you hear all these honking sounds mm-hmm.

[00:38:15] And like, there's groups of people just like chilling and like Yeah. 

[00:38:18] Eldar: They're all like sitting down and they're like, 

[00:38:19] Toliy: everyone's wearing black. And, like, my, my memory. Yeah. Nobody actually, they're all hood hooded like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They look like, uh, dementors from Harry Potter. Mm-hmm. Holy shit.

[00:38:28] You know, like, like that, that, like, that's how it was. And that, and that's one of like my earliest like mm-hmm. Memories and it's completely fear based, like I was. Extremely fearful, you know? Mm-hmm. So I feel like that, that like, like that, that's the type of like feeling I have now to like, you know? Mm-hmm.

[00:38:44] Like to like, uh, like in, in, in that moment metaphorically be able to actually like, um, not be like, um, like caught in time, but be like. Up to date with the time and being like the current time as it actually is. Mm-hmm. And being able to like, you know, walk back with like, with like, you know, with how like, like it being no problem.

[00:39:06] And like going from like being dark to like day. Mm-hmm. You know? 

[00:39:11] Eldar: Yeah. Liberate yourself. 

[00:39:13] Toliy: Yeah. 

[00:39:14] Eldar: Okay. That's pro profound story. 

[00:39:17] Toliy: But gay at the same time, it's a little bit gay. No. Yeah. 

[00:39:22] Mike: You know? Yeah. Was it supposed to relate to something? 

[00:39:26] Toliy: Well, yeah. That, that, that, that's like how I feel now. You know? And like, like, like, like it, it's like a, um, like way you've, right now you fear of, uh, you know, know how to get home.

[00:39:36] No, no. He's COVID home now. You finally, I'm coming home. You never came home. Home. I'm 

[00:39:39] Eldar: coming home. She never came home, home. It was the whole time he was in that fear. He was in that 

[00:39:44] Mike: fear. Yeah. 

[00:39:45] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:39:45] Mike: That was what started the fear camp. 

[00:39:47] Eldar: Yeah. That's one of those things probably. Yeah. 

[00:39:49] Toliy: Yeah. You know? Yeah. That, that's, that, that's like in general, one of like the, like the oldest memories that I can remember mm-hmm.

[00:39:56] Is like being like completely terrified in that kind of moment. Mm-hmm. And also not like saying something to him like, yo, you gotta take me home. The fuck are you thinking? You're gonna go hang out to Cho Hill? You know? Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's pretty crazy. Yeah. 

[00:40:09] Mike: Yeah. 

[00:40:10] Toliy: Yeah. 

[00:40:12] Mike: Did you know how to speak yet, or no?

[00:40:14] This man. 

[00:40:14] Toliy: Yeah. And the person watched, he was a fat pig, you know, just so overall he was like, I remember he always had stains on his shirt. He was a dirty fucker. 

[00:40:20] Eldar: Yeah. Oh, damn. So it didn't help. Yeah. Yeah. Your parents didn do a good job of evaluating him. 

[00:40:26] Toliy: No, his brother was, well, I mean, they, they were like neighbors and we would always play like, like pop scratch 

[00:40:31] Eldar: together.

[00:40:32] Toliy: Like back then when I got a little bit older, we played like a. Like a hockey. Mm-hmm. But like on roller blades. Mm. And just like in the park, you know, I dunno if you ever seen that. Street hockey. Street hockey? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Like street hockey. But you always hated him. What, after that? 

[00:40:47] Mike: Wait, you still chill with 

[00:40:48] Toliy: him after that?

[00:40:48] After he ditched you like that? Yeah. I, I think when I got a little bit older, I did. Yeah. Still. But, but, but then after the SRE hockey thing, that was that. And then I started to play basketball and then I would just, and then like, he, he was too fat and slow and he sucked, you know? So I remember him shooting around a bit.

[00:41:01] What, what was his name? See, I don't remember his name. I, I wonder if my dad remembers his name. I remember him. Would you wanna like, uh, his name confront him? No, not, not in like the Adam Sandler movie. Do you know what I'm talking about? Or No? And your management. Yeah. Where he con, he goes to confront like his childhood bully Uhhuh.

[00:41:21] And he's, he's, he's a monk. Yeah. Oh shit. Do you remember it or no? No, no. You don't remember this? No, I don't remember this. Have you ever seen this movie? I think I did Anger Management. Yeah. That's a sick movie. Yeah. With with uh, what's his name? Uh, Jack Nichols. Jack Nicholson. Jack Ni. Jack Nichol. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[00:41:34] I remember the guy's name. Uh, his, his, uh, bully was like David Bosnick or something, something, something like that. Is Jack Nicholson dead? 

[00:41:41] Eldar: No, I don't think so. No. But he's, something happened to him, right? Like he he's old. He's very old. He got picked up, right? He old, he was angry, I 

[00:41:47] Toliy: think. And angry, huh? Yeah, he's just very old.

[00:41:49] And his like nails looked disgusting. Oh my 

[00:41:51] Eldar: god. Dunno if he saw that picture. No. I remember last time seeing him like on the balcony. Weird. Always weird though. You know, like they're saying, like he kind of like lost, lost his shit. 

[00:42:01] Toliy: Yeah. He, he used to go to every single, every Lakers game. Lakers game. Yeah, I remember that.

[00:42:05] Yeah. Court was his thing. He, he went for like 30, 40 years. Yeah. 

[00:42:08] Eldar: Wow. That's crazy. Yeah. He don't come out his room anymore, they say. Yeah. No, 

[00:42:12] Toliy: probably 

[00:42:12] Eldar: not, 

[00:42:13] Toliy: but okay. Yeah, so, you know, like, like that, that's my earliest like, uh, like memory and like a lot of my life has gone that kind of way. So I'm just trying to.

[00:42:22] You 

[00:42:23] Eldar: know. Interesting. 

[00:42:24] Toliy: Yeah. Finally shed all that 

[00:42:26] Eldar: nonsense and, and propel it. And really enjoy yourself. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Good, good. Well, I don't have any more questions. Yeah. Regarding this thing. I think that's good. You know, Mike? 

[00:42:39] Mike: No. No questions. 

[00:42:40] Eldar: No questions or any other thoughts around this? 

[00:42:44] Mike: No. 

[00:42:45] Eldar: No big opportunity.

[00:42:48] Mike: I understand it. 

[00:42:49] Eldar: You understand 

[00:42:50] Mike: it? No, I understand it. Okay. 

[00:42:51] Eldar: Yeah. Yeah. 'cause before you were puzzled. 

[00:42:53] Mike: Well, he, he like, you know, totally is like a, he's a ridler. He's a ridler. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He is a riddle. And I have like a small brain, so I can't really understand what it speaks like in general ob like terms, you know?

[00:43:05] Yes. So it's hard. I need examples, like, yeah, yeah, yeah. You need a little bit more, I need examples, colors, things like that. You know, you want visual, those cubes, cubes, circles, rectangles. 

[00:43:15] Toliy: Alright. Totally. Well finish us up then. Yeah, no, no. I mean, like, look, totally just getting started. If total list is a list, I, I, I, I am just getting started.

[00:43:24] Mm-hmm. Like see for example, for like stuff like this, I have infinite stamina. Yeah. You know, and this is like what I, what I would. You know, like to have and the other things I do, you know? Yeah. Okay. You know, to find that, that same thing out of it where like mm-hmm. You know, like if you told me that like, Hey, we're gonna keep this podcast on and we're gonna 

[00:43:43] Eldar: mm-hmm.

[00:43:43] Toliy: Talk about things for the next like eight, eight hours. Yeah. Like, no problem. No problem. 24 hours. Like I could do 24 hour fast right now. Easy. 

[00:43:52] Eldar: 24 hour marathon. 

[00:43:53] Toliy: Easy. 

[00:43:54] Eldar: Okay. I 

[00:43:54] Mike: like that.

[00:43:58] So. Saying. Yeah. I mean, look, 

[00:44:04] Eldar: yeah. If Toes is listening, or anybody else who's kind of, you know, stuck a little bit in the, in the, in the woods 

[00:44:10] Toliy: Yeah. 

[00:44:11] Eldar: With their nonsense, you know? 

[00:44:13] Toliy: Yeah. I would say that like you might be serving 

[00:44:15] Eldar: the beacon of light for them right now. 

[00:44:16] Toliy: Yeah. I mean, if, if, if Tolles is listening, which is probably not.

[00:44:20] Mm-hmm. You know, like, I, I, I think overall, like the, uh, the attitude here is I think that like. You ultimately, I think you, like, you, you have to, um, you have to like fight for what you want, you know? 

[00:44:34] Mike: Hmm. 

[00:44:35] Toliy: Like for these kinds of things, like you have to, you have to pick, you have, you have to pick a fight with these like, um, stupid things maybe about yourself or how you do things or mm-hmm.

[00:44:48] How you go about things. And you have to, you have, you have to like fight with them and then you have to like have an ongoing battle until you win. 

[00:44:56] Eldar: You know, you 

[00:44:56] Toliy: can't give up. 

[00:44:58] Eldar: Or or his 50 cents says, get rich or die. Trying. 

[00:45:01] Toliy: Yeah. 

[00:45:01] Eldar: Yeah. 

[00:45:02] Toliy: Yeah. A hundred percent. 

[00:45:03] Eldar: All right, well, we'll leave it at that then.

[00:45:05] Mm-hmm. Thank you guys. This was great. Short but sweet. Mm-hmm.