Christian Business Concepts
Christian Business Concepts
The Art of Dealing with Difficult People
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Unlock the keys to navigating challenging workplace dynamics with grace and wisdom through the Christian Business Concepts Podcast. Join me, Harold Milby, as I share life-changing insights and experiences from my early career that helped shape my approach to handling difficult people. Drawing from biblical wisdom, particularly James 3:13-16, we uncover effective ways to transform negative attitudes and resistance into opportunities for growth and increased productivity. Learn how offering constructive feedback and fostering a solution-focused environment can reinvigorate your team's morale.
Explore the art of addressing complex behaviors such as passive-aggressiveness, micromanagement, and lack of accountability. Through personal anecdotes, I illustrate the importance of maintaining professionalism while holding others accountable, and when it might be necessary to involve HR or security. We'll discuss setting clear boundaries and encouraging open communication to nurture a culture of teamwork. By engaging individuals in decision-making and promoting a growth mindset, we can successfully overcome resistance to change and fortify team collaboration.
As Christian leaders, our journey extends beyond professional interactions into personal realms. This episode emphasizes the power of empathy, forgiveness, and prayer in dealing with difficult individuals. Discover how aligning resolutions with faith values can create a harmonious environment both at work and in personal life. By embracing personal growth and self-awareness, and seeking strength through prayer, we can embody the example of Christ's love and patience. Join me to empower yourself and others with these timeless principles, ensuring a positive impact wherever you lead.
Welcome to the Christian Business Concepts with your host, harold Milby. Christian Business Concepts is dedicated to guiding companies and business owners in becoming effective, efficient and successful through God's Word and godly principles. Now, here's your host, harold Milby.
Speaker 2:Wonderful job, kelly, and welcome everyone to this week's Christian Business Concepts podcast, and I'm your host, harold Milby, and each week I share biblical principles that will help you run and grow your business or your organization, and as you apply these biblical principles, you'll find true godly success. I believe, and please be sure to help us grow Christian Business Concepts by sharing this episode with four or five other people that you think it would help, and by also sharing this podcast on your Facebook page or your LinkedIn page. You know CBC is dedicated to helping over one million businesses and organizations and leaders, and so we need your help getting the word out. So please, if you would reach out to several people and let them know about the podcast Now, as we begin today, I want to make sure and give a great big shout out to the country of South Africa for downloading so many podcast episodes this week. We sure hope that this podcast is a blessing to you, and thanks to all of you for downloading each week and for helping us grow the CBC community. Okay, well, let's get started today.
Speaker 2:You know, years and years ago in my mid-20s, when I was just starting to get involved in management and leadership, I was really kind of having a hard time dealing with some people who were really difficult to work with, and even then I was a pretty ferocious leader or reader, I should say. I read a lot of things, I read a lot of books, and so I went to the bookstore to find an expert who maybe had written a book about this particular subject, you know. And it didn't take long until I found what I was looking for, and the title of that book was how to Deal with Jerks in your Life, and I thought, well, that's the perfect book, that's what I need right there how to Deal with Jerks in your Life. And the title had me hooked. So I bought the book and it only took me a few pages of reading to find out that the book was really about dealing with myself, my we'll say jerk tendencies, and how dealing with these would help me to be able to handle the difficult people in my life. So it wasn't what I thought it was going to be, but today I want to give you some principles that I have not only learned but I have practiced and implemented in my own leadership career.
Speaker 2:So let's get started, and first we need to understand that dealing with difficult people can be a challenging aspect of leadership or just in your personal life, but as Christian business leaders, it's important to approach these kinds of situations with grace, with compassion and a desire to find a resolution that really aligns with your faith values. Right Today, we're going to explore some of those strategies and techniques for handling difficult people in the workplace. You know, james 3, 13 through 16 says who is wise and understanding among you by his good conduct, let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom. But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes, and so it's important, as I said on the onset, how we approach these situations, and that passage, just you know, lets us know that.
Speaker 2:So what are some negative actions of difficult people that a leader of an organization or business, or even you personally, may face from time to time? Well, a negative attitude. That's first. A negative attitude, a difficult person with a consistently negative attitude can really have a negative impact on your team morale and productivity. You know, and you've got to address this behavior. The way to address it is by providing constructive feedback about their attitude and you offer support, offer resources to help them get a better attitude, to improve their mindset, encourage them to focus on solutions rather than on problems. You know, the one thing I do know about people that are who are inherently negative they typically they typically focus on the problems and not the solutions. You know, wade Boggs, a great baseball player, said a positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, positive events and positive outcomes. It is a catalyst and it sparks extraordinary results. I got to tell you that that is a great definition of attitude and what it can do. Another would be resistance to feedback. You know some people may resist in receiving feedback and getting feedback. They become defensive, they dismiss constructive criticism totally and you've got to handle this by approaching feedback with empathy and understanding. Focus on specific examples and tangible solutions for the improvement. You have to encourage really a growth mindset by emphasizing the importance of really just continuous learning and development.
Speaker 2:Another is going to be passive-aggressive behavior. You know we've all dealt with that Passive-aggressive behavior, such as giving the silent treatment or making sarcastic remarks or avoiding responsibilities. Those things can be really frustrating, I know, and that passive-aggressive people can be some of the most frustrating people to deal with and you really have to address this behavior directly. You have to acknowledge this passive aggressiveness and then you've got to encourage open communication. Now, that's not easy. You know what I'm talking about here today. To deal with people that are problematic in your life. It's not easy. You know. When you're talking about directly addressing a passive, aggressive person, that's not fun. I know when you're talking about directly addressing a passive-aggressive person, that's not fun. I'm just going to tell you it's not fun. But you've got to encourage that individual to express their concerns openly and address any underlying issues that's causing, whatever may be causing this behavior and it may be outside of the company.
Speaker 2:The next thing is micromanagement Dealing with a person under you that is a micromanager, that can be challenging. They constantly scrutinize not just everybody else's work. They'll scrutinize your work. They'll give you more feedback than you need or that you asked for, and they'll undermine a person's autonomy. So you've got to address this behavior, but you do it by seeking clarification on what the expectations are. You encourage them to trust and collaborate with others and you demonstrate that right. So you've got to focus, help them to understand, to focus on the solutions and still dwelling on the negative behavior of the difficult person. You've got to focus on finding those solutions and moving forward, all right.
Speaker 2:Another is aggressive behavior. You know yell. They may use threats or intimidating language. Now to handle this, you got to remain calm because they feed off of a person who gets right back at that same level. So you want to remain calm, you be composed and then you clearly state that that type of behavior is unacceptable and you offer to continue the conversation once they've calmed down. Now, if this kind of behavior continues, sometimes you've got to get HR involved. I've had to get security involved before to ensure that there's safety for everyone involved. You've got to set boundaries. It's always good to have those boundaries and you establish those clear boundaries when you do that. I think that's so important to maintaining a healthy work environment.
Speaker 2:You know, I had a guy that didn't like that. Uh, didn't like the way something went and he went, he stormed out of the office and when he got down down to the uh downstairs, uh, there was a lot of people out there and he came through and as he did, he just used a very vulgar terminology and and uh, and he said that to everybody. He just said you know, everybody uh, and stormed out of the building and and, uh, you know we could have, we could have uh, terminated his employment right then and there. But I, I thought there was more to it and and I thought, you know, he still had a lot to offer. So we had to, we had to deal with that. That was a very difficult time, but we did deal with it and, uh, it never happened again and he apologized and so it was something we had to deal with.
Speaker 2:But aggressive behavior is something you have to be very careful of. Manipulative behavior that's another one. Some difficult people may engage in trying to be manipulative and they spread rumors, they play mind games, they use guilt trips to get their way, and you've got to set again clear boundaries and you don't give in to this type of tactic. You know you stay focused on the facts, maintain a very professional demeanor. You know you avoid being drawn into this manipulative game. You just don't do it. But that's another one. Another is a lack of accountability. Dealing with a difficult person who avoids taking responsibility for their actions or they blame others for their mistakes, can be really challenging, and you've got to address this by holding them accountable for their actions, providing clear expectations for accountability and you offer support and guidance to help them improve their accountability. But you have to encourage this culture in your business. People have to be accountable. You know there have been times when I've had to terminate somebody that refused to be accountable and when that happens it really kind of opens the eyes of other people. So don't be afraid if you have to terminate somebody because they're not being accountable and you've tried every way to help them.
Speaker 2:Another is disruptive behavior them. Another is disruptive behavior. Some difficult people may engage in disruptive behavior, such as conflicts. They spread negativity. They really kind of that person that creates a toxic work environment. You got to handle this by addressing the behavior directly. Again, you got to set those clear boundaries. You've got to enforce the consequences. You can't tell somebody if this happens again, this is what's going to happen and then when it happens again, you don't do it. And then you've got to encourage open communication and teamwork also to help mitigate this impact of this disruptive behavior.
Speaker 2:Another is resistance to change. You know there's a lot of people who don't want to change. They get very aggressive about their communicating of that and you've got to address this by providing the rationale for the change. You know involving that individual in the decision-making process could also help. But again, you offer support, you give them some resources to help them to adapt to the changes, encourage having a growth mindset and emphasize the benefits and try to get them to embrace the change for them personally and the organization.
Speaker 2:Another is lack of teamwork. There are some difficult people that may just they just don't want to work with a team. They hoard information, they refuse to collaborate and then they undermine a team effort. You know they handle, they handle this and and or you should handle this, I think by again you foster this culture of teamwork and collaboration within your organization and then you clearly, clearly set these expectations for what the team is to accomplish and then you address any instances. Any time there's this individualistic kind of behavior, you got to deal with it quickly and then you encourage open communication and transparency. You know Andrew Carnegie said one time. He said teamwork is the ability to work towards a common vision. The ability is to direct individual accomplishments toward organizational objectives. It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results, and that's what teamwork does.
Speaker 2:Another is we just have a few more of these disrespectful behavior. You know a lot of difficult people may be very disrespectful. They belittle others, they make derogatory remarks, they violate people's boundaries. You've got to address this directly. Again and again. You set clear boundaries for what respectful communication and behavior is and you confront that individual and you tell them that what they were doing was disrespectful. And then you got to make sure that you enforce those consequences to encourage this culture of respect and professionalism within the organization by modeling that yourself. So that's important.
Speaker 2:And then toxic negativity. Some people are just negative, I mean just nasty negative, and you have to deal with that directly. And then the other one is ego, an ego-driven type of behavior, and some difficult individuals may exhibit this. You know they've just got a big, inflated self-opinion. They're arrogant, they're self-centered, they have this sense of entitlement and you've got to handle this by addressing that ego-driven behavior. You've got to give them some feedback and you let them know the impact of their behaviors on others. And then you encourage humility. And so you do this Again. You foster this in your entire organization, this humility and collaboration and servant leadership within your organization.
Speaker 2:So those are some of the things that you deal with out there. These are some of the things that pop up, and so you know what are some other additional principles that you can utilize. Well, some of these we've mentioned, but you know, in Psalms 37 and 8, it says Refrain from anger and forsake wrath. Fret not yourself, it tends only to evil. So what you need to do is stay calm, always stay calm and composed when you're dealing with difficult people. Don't add fuel to the fire, don't let yourself be pulled into this type of behavior. So stay calm, stay composed. Avoid reacting on impulse, avoid responding with just your emotions, because that can just make it worse. So just take a deep breath, maintain your professional demeanor and you approach the conversation with a level head.
Speaker 2:Next, another principle is understand the root cause. You've got to understand the root cause Before you can address the behavior of a difficult person. It's important to understand the underlying reasons why they behave that way. Are they feeling overwhelmed, are they stressed, are they misunderstood? When you gain insight into the root cause of their behavior, then you can address, I think, more effectively what the issue is. Rick Warren said one time he said willpower can produce short-term change, but it creates constant internal stress because you haven't dealt with the root cause.
Speaker 2:So it's important to deal with the root cause, all right next, maintain a positive attitude. You know, as Christian business leaders, it's important to approach difficult people with that positive and empathetic attitude. You know you got to remember that everyone has their own struggles. They all have their own challenges, you know, and it's important for us to approach them with that love and understanding. Philippians 2.14 says do all things without grumbling or disputing. I think it's important that we maintain that positive attitude. You know, brian Tracy, a great leader, has written several books, but Brian Tracy said you cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude towards what happens to you, and in that you'll be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you. So that's important.
Speaker 2:And then, next, you need to listen actively, and when I say listen, I mean really be focused, pay attention, let your body language, show them that you are listening. That's one of the most important skills that you can have as a leader, but especially in dealing with difficult people. So take the time to listen to their concerns, their frustrations, grievances, without interrupting and without judging, because this will help you get a better understanding of what their perspective is and that in turn, will kind of like pave a way, if you will, for a more constructive conversation. So communicate clearly and assertively and state your observations and concerns in a direct and respectful manner, but make sure you listen. Proverbs 18, 13 says whosoever answers before listening is both foolish and shameful. Winston Churchill went on to say courage is what it takes to stand up and speak. Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen. So there's times when you just have to overcome your own desire to speak and just be quiet and listen.
Speaker 2:All right, the next is practice patience, because it will take patience. Dealing with difficult people requires patience. It requires understanding. It's important to remain calm and composed. We talked about that. But just you know, be patient, because it doesn't always happen the first time you address somebody. Sometimes you address these things two or three times. Now again, if you have put consequences and you have involved consequences with your first discussion, then you got to make sure that you do what you said you were going to do. But you still practice patience. And then again we've talked about this on several of them You've got to set clear boundaries, make sure you have clear boundaries and then what you need to do is you need to seek common ground.
Speaker 2:You know, in difficult situations it's really helpful to find common ground with that other person, look for areas of agreement, look for areas of maybe even shared values, and you kind of use those as a foundation for building a resolution or finding a resolution that works for both of you. You know, 1 Corinthians 9, 22 through 24 says to the weak I became weak. That I might win. The weak I have become all things to all people that by all means I might save some. I do it all for the sake of the gospel that I might share with them in its blessings. Seek common ground, seek common ground, find out what that is, and that'll give you a great foundation.
Speaker 2:Next, offer support. You know, as Christian business leaders, it's important to offer support and guidance to difficult people because they're struggling, either personally or professionally. They've got challenges. So offer to listen, but then provide resources, provide referrals, show compassion and understanding. You know, first, peter 3 9 says do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. So you don't have to do a tit for tat. What you need to do is you're the leader, so make make sure that you offer support.
Speaker 2:Number nine is practice forgiveness. Practice forgiveness. That's important. I know in business that's kind of a dirty word, but in reality it's not. Forgiveness is a core value of your Christianity. It's important to practice forgiveness in dealing with difficult people. So you don't want to hold grudges, you don't want to hold resentments. You want to approach every interaction with a spirit of forgiveness and grace. All right, and then the next is you seek guidance and support. In some cases, dealing with difficult people, you're going to have to have assistance, maybe a mediator, maybe a counselor, and don't ever hesitate to seek guidance from HR. That's important. If you have an HR department, sometimes you have to seek help from HR or a trusted mentor or a professional counselor who can help you navigate through this situation. The Bible says that there's safety in a multitude of counselors. So don't do it in a vacuum. Don't try to do it all on your own. Sometimes you need help.
Speaker 2:And then 11, lead by example. As Christian business leaders, it's important that we lead by example in how we handle people, how we handle difficult people, how we handle situations and people around. You need to see how you handle it. You demonstrate patience and compassion and grace in your interactions and you'll inspire other people to do the same thing. That's just what leading by example does. And then next, which is very important, is pray, pray for guidance. Remember, guidance and strength from God in dealing with difficult people is really where, most of the time, you get your answers. So pray for wisdom, pray for patience, pray for grace in handling these situations, and then you've got to trust in God to provide that strength and support that you need.
Speaker 2:And then, lastly, you've got to document, document, document, document, document these interactions In cases, you know, when you have cases where the behavior of a difficult person really escalates or becomes more problematic, it's very important that you document these interactions and keep a record of any of these incidents, because this documentation can really give you evidence in case there's further serious action that needs to be taken or can help protect you and yourself and the organization from potential legal or HR issues. I have done this for years and it has come back to protect the company, protect me personally. So it's really important that you document your interactions, make sure that you have that and have it in a secured location. That's important. So let's look at this.
Speaker 2:Handling difficult people in the workplace or in your personal life is a challenging aspect for you as a leader and it requires patience and empathy and effective communication. And by addressing these negative actions like aggressive behavior and passive aggressive behavior, negative attitudes, resistance to feedback and all of these things that we've shared, when you deal with it, deal with it professionally and deal with it with an assertiveness and an approach that uses grace and compassion and a desire to find a resolution. Make sure that when you desire that resolution, when you work on that resolution, make sure it align. You desire that resolution. When you work on that resolution, make sure it aligns with your faith values and if you do that, I believe that you as a business leader, you as a person personally, I believe you can navigate all these challenging interactions and I believe that you can maintain a positive life and a positive work environment. I really do a positive life and a positive work environment. I really do.
Speaker 2:Father, thank you today for all of these very special people who have downloaded this podcast today. Lord, help them to use today's principles for dealing with difficult people in their life. Lord, help them to also recognize at the same time, it's more about dealing with themselves than it is about dealing with others. Jesus, give them strength and courage and wisdom to know the difference and for accepting their part of these types of situations. Lord, I ask you to bless them and Lord, help them find true. Godly success, lord, In Jesus' name, amen. Well, thank you again for downloading this week's Christian Business Concepts podcast and be sure again to share it with four or five others that you think it would help. Well, it looks like that we're out of time and I just want you to remember this. As I always say, jesus is Lord and he wants you blessed.
Speaker 1:Thank you for tuning in to this week's Christian Business Concepts podcast. Go to ChristianBusinessConceptscom for more information and resources. Be sure to check out other podcasts that will help you take your business and your personal life to a whole new level of success.