The Confidence–Competence Loop: How Great Leaders Actually Grow

Transcript

Welcome And Show Mission

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to the Christian Business Concepts with your host, Harold Milby. Christian Business Concept is dedicated to guiding companies and business owners and becoming effective, efficient, and successful through God's word and godly principles. Now here's your host, Harold Milby.

Coaching Work And How To Reach

Orlando Shout-Out And Listener Thanks

The Quiet Signs Of Low Confidence

Biblical Confidence And Identity Roots

Four Traps That Drain Confidence

Why Leaders Miss Confidence Leaks

Growth Mindset And Competence Loop

The Fear And Change Cycle

Rewire Self-Talk With Truth

Daily Actions That Build Confidence

Prayer And Final Charge To Share

SPEAKER_01 0:17

Thank you, Kelly, and uh welcome everyone to this week's Christian Business Concepts Podcast, where each week we we talk about business and leadership concepts and then we look to see what the Bible has to say about it. You know, the goal here at CBC is to apply these biblical principles to find more than just success, because we want more than just the world success. But what we want to try to do is to find godly success, which brings so much more fulfillment. And so that's what we do here at CBC. So if this is your first time tuning in, uh then we want to say welcome. If you are a regular listener to this podcast, I hope today that all of you that you are encouraged, enlightened, and empowered by what you hear. I also want to share with you today that that uh you know a lot of you uh listen to me on a regular basis, and I've never really talked about uh you know what I do, and uh one of the things that I wanted to share with you is that I am a certified confidence coach, I'm a certified purpose coach, and a certified life coach. And so I spend a lot of time working with professionals and and non-professionals, uh coaching, especially with about confidence and coaching uh about purpose. And then I also am a certified John Maxwell uh leadership team member. And so I do a lot of other things. I I do a lot of training, I speak, uh, and those are the things that I do. And I'm available for that anytime. We we do a lot of things uh through uh virtual uh type sessions and things like that. So if any of you ever need something like that, please feel free to reach out to me. But I've never shared that with you, and I just thought uh it would be a good idea for you guys to know what I now do. So uh again, I want to thank you for joining uh this podcast today and hope you get encouraged by it. Uh now each week I try to give a big shout out to a specific country or a city who've had a lot of downloads this week, and I and and I want to recognize this week Orlando, Florida, that's right here in the United States. Uh, you know, we really appreciate you here in Orlando. Uh I am near Orlando right now, and uh I'm in another studio, and so I just want to say thank you, uh Orlando, and thank you to all of you listeners around the world. We're heard in over 55 countries right now. So, Orlando, thanks for doing a great job. And I I wonder right now if Mickey and Minnie Mouse are actually new listeners. So, Mickey and Minnie, if you've joined us, thank you. Hope you enjoy this podcast. Now, let's jump into today's topic. Uh, today we're talking about something that I believe that every business owner, business leader wrestles with, uh, but few people want to admit it openly, and that is a lack of confidence. Uh, you know, I'm as I said, I'm a confidence coach. And the one thing I tell them is this confidence is not ego, it's not personality, it's not arrogance, and it's not hype. If you get nothing out of this podcast, make sure you learn this one thing. If that's all you get out of this podcast, get this. That is, confidence is a skill, and it can be taught, and it can be learned. A lack of confidence doesn't necessarily mean you you lack confidence in every area of your life. In fact, that's rarely the case. Typically, people lack confidence in certain specific areas of their life. It can be multiple areas, but in some areas of their life they're quite confident. So it just depends on where you're at. But let me ask you something. Do you hesitate before you make big decisions? Do you overthink things? Do you overthink emails? Do you delay in product launches? Do you shrink in certain rooms with certain people? Do you second guess yourself after meetings? See, you may not lack talent. You may not lack calling. You may not lack an opportunity, and you may not lack confidence. But here's the problem: a lack of confidence rarely announces itself. Let me say that again. Confidence rarely announces itself. It doesn't, it's not like a blaring headlight staring you in the face. A lot of times confidence will disguise itself. And if you hear yourself saying, either either out loud or even within your mind, you say things like, Well, I'm just being cautious, or I'm waiting on the right time, or I need more clarity. Or you could even hear people say, Well, I'm just being humble. And a lot of times when that happens, um it's it's really a sign of a lack of confidence. You know, low confidence often hides behind very spiritual language. So today we're going to uncover several things. Number one, how does lack of confidence show up? Why many leaders don't recognize it, where confidence leaks, where it leaks in life and in leadership. And what's the biblical blueprint for building confidence? And some practical tools to rewire self-doubt. Because confidence is not personality. That's not what it is. So what is biblical confidence? Well, worldly confidence says, I believe in me. But biblical confidence says, I believe in who God is in me, and who I am as a person. You know, Hebrews 10 35 says, Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. Confidence has a war has reward attached to it. Um, you know, confidence in everyday life can help bring fulfillment. You know, Proverbs 28.1, I love this verse, I quote it m many times, uh, but the Bible says in Proverbs 28.1, it says, the righteous are bold as a lion. The righteous are bold as a lion. Now, a righteous person, it doesn't mean that you're you're loud, it doesn't mean that you're dominant, it doesn't even mean you're aggressive. It just means you're bold. You know, confidence is not volume, confidence really is stability. You know, if you look, for example, if if you look at an oak tree, you look at an oak tree, a confident leader is like an oak tree. The storms come, the winds blow, criticism may hit, you know, markets shift, but the oak tree doesn't panic. Why? Because it has deep roots. And confidence is rooted in identity. Without identity, pressure exposes insecurity. You've got to be confident in your identity. You know, I was sharing, I I was speaking uh in a gathering today, actually, and I was talking about identity because identity is so important. And one of the first things that the enemy, that the devil himself spoke out of his mouth, the very first time we read about it in the book of Genesis, he questions Adam and Eve's identity. He questions first with Eve, he questions her identity and who she was. He even questioned to her who God was. So he likes to question your identity. And so it's important that you understand that. And we're not going to get into that today, but you need to be confident and know who you are in Christ. What does the Bible say about you? What does God's word say that you are? And there's so many things that you can share. You can go onto the the CBC website, uh Christian Business Concepts.org. You can go there, go into the resources, and there's actually one of the resources in there is a list of what God says about you and who God says that you are. That's where your that's where your identity should be. Now, how does lack of confidence show up? Because most leaders don't say, I like confidence. Most of them don't say that. Four traps. I have a workbook where we talk about confidence when I coach in confidence, and I talk about four traps uh that the enemy uses. And so in instead of you recognizing that, you may want to look at some of these things. So, you know, there's hesitation, that's the trap number one. Hesitation, and that's triggered by uncertainty. And as I shared earlier, it looks like overthinking, it looks like perfectionism, it looks like planning, but you don't execute, it looks like you're waiting for that perfect moment. Um and let me just say this perfectionism is fear dressed in excellence. So you think you're you're trying to bring excellence or be excellent in what you do, but really it could be perfectionism. And perfectionism is the enemy of progress. It is the enemy of progress because people don't progress because what happens is they they they have to wait until everything is perfect. They think they're waiting because they're they're doing something with excellence. But you don't have to wait till everything's perfect to begin to move forward. You know, you know, uh Moses did this. You know, in Exodus chapter 4, when God was telling Moses what he wanted him to do, Moses said, Who am I? I'm slow of speech. Uh many people feel that he had a speech impediment. And God's response, he said, I will be with your mouth. You don't worry about it. I will be there. You don't have to be perfect, Moses. You just have to be available. You know, I always tell people all the time, even in ministry especially, that God is more concerned about the man than he is the ministry. He works with the man more than he works on preparing the ministry for the man. And we can see this all the way throughout Exodus and Deuteronomy, where we see how Moses led the children of Israel out of Egypt. You know, insecurity argues with what you feel like you're supposed to be doing, your purpose. Insecurity argues with purpose. And so that's what happens. So the the first thing, again, uh, you know, is that you you hesitate. You hesitate. So it's like that parking brake. You can press the gas pedal all day long, but if the parking brake is on, you're not going to move. So hesitation is the parking brake of leadership. You know, James 1 and 8 says a double-minded man is unstable in all his ways. So we need to understand that. And then the second thing, as I began to share, I got a little ahead of myself, but the but the second trap is hiding. Hiding and playing small. And the reason that people play small and they they they don't think big, they think small. The reason that they do that is they figure that if I think small and something doesn't work right, then it doesn't look as bad. It won't make me feel as bad. Because if I think of something big and it doesn't happen, then I'm gonna feel really bad, I'm gonna look really bad. So we hide, we think small. And and we have this fear of judgment. This fear of judgment. Uh, you know, so we we avoid visibility. We don't want people to notice us. Uh if you're a salesperson, a lot of times we don't ask for the sale. Why? Because we're afraid we won't get the sale. But if you don't ask for the sale, you won't get the sale. So what happens is you have a lot of people in the sales industry that are that are salespeople that all they do is take orders. They don't sell, they take orders. They wait for somebody who says, Well, I want to buy that. Instead of them closing the sale, instead of them trying to uh uh actually uh finalize that sale, they just don't ask for it. Uh they just don't. So they shrink back a lot of times too. When you get into a room of people and you look at them, you compare yourself, which is another danger. You compare yourself to others. Well, they're smarter than I am. They're smarter than I am. But I've got to tell you, it doesn't matter how smart that person is. If you have a job to do, you know your purpose, and you know your identity, then it doesn't matter what other people do or what they can do. It doesn't matter what their level of intelligence is, because there's only one you, and you need to stand up and believe in that you that you are. Because if you're like Moses and you say, Who am I? I'm slow to speech, then God's gonna say, Don't worry, I'm with you. I'll be with you. I'll be with you. Now the third trap is hypercritical, being hyper-critical. You know, it's like a negative internal voice. And again, this is triggered by this fear of failure. And you'll hear yourself say, Well, it won't work, or it's too risky, or I can't afford it, or it's not the right time. And what you need to do is you need to argue against that. Because what you're doing is you're arguing against yourself when you say these things, but you need to argue for yourself. Uh you need to be your defense attorney when those voices in your head say those kinds of things. You know, you stop and think about it, you know, uh Col Colonel Harlan Sanders, who started um started uh Kentucky Fried Chicken in my home state, uh, you know, when he started that he was he was 65 years old. He had been bankrupted before more than once. He had failed many times, but he decided to not allow those things to control his destiny. And so he had confidence in who he was and what he could do. And so he refused to allow this fear of failure to come into come into his life. And so, you know, this is what the Israelites did in Numbers chapter 13. You know, they said to themselves, they said, We seemed like grasshoppers in our own eyes. Because that's what happens when you lack confidence in an area. You don't see yourself truly the way that you are in what you can do and what you can accomplish. You see yourself small, you see yourself little, you focus on the wrong thing. You know, they felt small before anyone ever called them small. They felt small. That's why they said we can't go in and take this land. That's why those ten spies came back and said they couldn't. But Joshua and Caleb said they could. Because Joshua and Caleb actually focused on the right things. They focused on the right things. So that's so, so very important to us. And then number four, this trap happens to a lot of people, and that is helplessness. So they have this victim mentality, this victim thinking. And again, it's triggered by insecurity. You know, we blame the economy, we may blame our upbringing, or maybe uh uh we we blame our competitors, uh, or we blame this lack of support. Uh, you know, it's it's a blame game. We feel helpless and we put ourselves in that position. You can notice this in Genesis chapter 3. The first example of it is with Adam. Because when God talked to them about what they did and what had happened when he first confronts them after they ate of the fruit of the tree of the good of the knowledge of good and evil. And folks, can I just tell you this? It wasn't an apple. It was not an apple, it was a fruit of some sort, the Bible says that, but it was not an apple tree. It was a tree of the knowledge of good and evil that he told them to never partake of. But they did, and when God confronts them, the first thing that Adam does is he said, Well, the woman that you gave me, so immediately he begins to deflect and put the blame on this woman that God created. So, what does blame do? Well, blame actually removes responsibility. And responsibility builds confidence. So if you remove responsibility, uh what you're doing is removing the opportunity that you have to build confidence. You know, victimhood, being feeling like you have a victim mentality or helplessness, it feels safe, but it costs you a lot. It costs you authority and confidence. Now, why are there many leaders that don't recognize this lack of confidence? Why? Well, first of all, they may be very competent in some areas. So that competent, they they make that a blanket cover over their entire lives. So they're competent about this one area, but then they have this lack of confidence in other areas. And that's why it's hard for them to recognize it sometimes because some of the greatest leaders, I could name 10 to 15 leaders that you would know right off the bat, but there are a lot of great leaders that struggled with confidence in certain areas of their life. Because confidence is rarely global. In other words, it it's it's rarely something that you don't have in every area of your life or that you do have in every area of your life. You may be confident in strategy, uh, you may be uh confident with your with your vision or your industry uh uh knowledge, but then you may be insecure in other areas, like maybe confrontation. You're very insecure and not confident with confronting other people, or maybe you're not confident, and I have coached people on speaking, public speaking, so some people just don't have that confidence to speak in public, to speak to a group of people. Uh some people may be insecure in financial decisions, in financial decisions, or maybe pricing products or or or handling criticism. Some people are very uh they they lack a lot of self-confidence in dealing with criticism. Uh they may not be confident in delegation. So, you know, this is one of the things that you have to look at. And again, I'm going to go back to the website and the resources tab. If you'll go in there, there is a confidence assessment. I want to encourage you to go there and get that confidence assessment and take it. Take it for yourself. Because confidence uh leaks into other areas. Confidence can leak into your intelligence, into relationships, uh, how you express yourself, uh, maybe uh what you feel like your future of your career is, or um uh risk taking, uh handling failure, handling failure, and taking initiative. You know, confidence can leak into those areas, and so can a lack of confidence. They can also leak into those areas. So we have to pay attention to that. You know, it's kind of like a leaking bucket, you know, if you pour success into your life, but if there are some unseen holes, and in this case we're talking about a lack of confidence, it will never stay full. So many leaders don't lack success, they lack this internal security which comes from confidence. You know, you can succeed publicly, but then in private, when you're alone with yourself, you doubt. You doubt. So one of the things that you have to do, and this is so key, what I when I coach people, this is one of the things that we talk about in length, and that is uh this key component is having a growth mindset. Uh again, in my workbook, I identify some fixed versus growth mindset. Some people have a fixed mindset, some people have a growth mindset. But when they do studies, they find out the people with a growth mindset are the ones that are the very most confident people. The people with fixed mindsets tend to struggle with confidence. Because a fixed mindset says, well, I am what I am. But a growth mindset says, well, I can become and then fill in the blank. You know, Romans 12 and 2 says, be transformed by the renewing of your mind. So this mindset is important, whether you're a growth mindset person or fixed mindset. If you have a fixed mindset, you can learn to have a growth mindset. Because confidence grows when you believe. And these are the things that you've got to believe. In number one, you got to believe that you can improve. You got to believe that you can learn. You got to believe that you can expand. You know, Peter had a growth mindset. You know, Peter failed miserably in public when he denied Christ. And he made mistakes. But yet in Acts chapters 2, we find that Peter has become this bold preacher. So what changed? It wasn't his personality. It was his belief in himself. He had the ability to believe that he could change, that he could get better. Because confidence is built through action, not affirmation. Affirmation is great. You want affirmation. And you can get affirmation when you look at your successes. But it's built through action, taking action. You know, I talk about the confidence and competence loop. It's a loop. First you try, and then you learn, and then you get competent, and that builds confidence. And this is a loop that happens in our lives. We try, we learn, we get competent, and then we get confidence. See, you don't wait to feel confidence, you act into confidence. Let me say it again. You don't wait to feel confident, you act into confidence. You know, it's like learning to ride a bike. You don't read about riding. Uh you wobble, sometimes you fall, you adjust, and you get back up and you do it again, and you do it again, and you do it again, and eventually you get balance, and you get to balance that bike as you're pedaling. And it's kind of that same way with the with the confidence, competence loop. You try, you learn, you get competent, and then you get your confidence. So what happens when we do? Because competence produces confidence. Ecclesiastes 10 10 says if the axe is dull, wisdom brings success. So it's a sharpening skill so you can increase boldness, so that you can increase confidence, and then therefore your confidence. David didn't wake up confident against Goliath. Yes, he had killed lions. He had killed bears, and that was the successes behind him that gave him the confidence that he could deal with Goliath. If he hadn't tried to kill the lion, if he hadn't tried to kill the bear, if he had not done that and become confident in doing that, that he could have never stood against Goliath because he would never have had the confidence. You know, so you know, it's a developed skill, as I've said before. Confidence grows when you have victories. Every time you have a victory, your confidence grows. So practicing confidence in private will begin to create boldness in public. So you've got to overcome this fear of change. People with a fixed mindset, they struggle with it. You know, uh it's it's a change cycle that works like this. First you're discontent, then you reach a breaking point, then you make a decision to change, then fear comes, and then backtracking happens. So how many businesses stay stuck here? They never get out of this change cycle. You know, Israel left Egypt, but they kept wanting to go back. Why did they want to go back? Because they were comfortable back there. When you have a change mindset, you have to get used to feeling uncomfortable. Because when you go through change, it's not comfortable. You know, uh familiar bondage feels safer than unfamiliar freedom, and that's what they experienced. Uh so you you have to do that. Now, how do you overcome fear sometimes in situations? And I have found that first you've got to define what the worst case scenario is. And then you do all you can to prevent it, and then you do all you can to repair it. You know, most fears dissolve when you really examine them. You know, 2 Timothy 1.7, I love this verse. It says, for God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind. And that sound mind, folks, that's disciplined thinking. That's disciplined thinking. And so you also need to rewire your self-talk. Because, you know, it's not what happened, it's how you interpreted what happened. You know, Jason, Joseph was betrayed by his own brothers. He was sold into slavery, he was imprisoned. But he kind of reframed it. In Genesis 15 and 20, he says, you meant it for evil, but God meant it for good. So he turned it around, he reframed it so he could talk differently. You know, he had a different interpretation of the event and how it affected his life. Your interpretation determines your confidence. It does. So you need to look at things like, well, here's the lie. I'm not good enough. The truth is you could say, I'm developing skill daily. The lie is I always fail. The truth is I learn and I adjust. Joshua chapter 1 and verse 9, God tells Joshua, he said, be strong and courageous. God didn't say feel strong. He said, be strong. Confidence comes across as obedience when we're talking about what God says about us. So you need to have some daily actions that will help you build your confidence. Uh I would encourage you to do these five things. Number one, take one small action every day. Take an action every day. Don't let a day go by that you didn't take an action of some sort. Number two, stay in your zone of development. Challenge yourself, but make it reachable. And then you've got to replace the lies with the truth. Well, we're talking about self-talk. And then number four, speak affirmations out loud. Let your ears hear what's coming out of your mouth. Because you think it, speak it, it goes into your ears and you begin to believe it. That's psychology. And then act, number five, act before you feel ready. See, you can feel insecure, but yet you can still take action. Paul said in 2 Corinthians 3 and 5, he says, our competence, our competence comes from God. Confidence is not self-generated, it's God generated if you're going to have godly confidence. So where are you leaking, if I can say it this way, confidence? Is it in conversations or delegation, conflict or failure? You don't need more personality. What you need is a growth mindset, you need some skill development which will bring confidence. You need to take action, be responsible, and understand your biblical identity. So confidence is built, it's not bestowed. Competence breeds courage. Action silences doubt. Responsibility restores power for your life. And God develops leaders through stretching those leaders. Let me give you this final scripture in Philippians 1 and 6. It says, He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion. You are not finished. You're still being formed. And mature Christian leaders do not wait for confidence. They build it. So, Lord, we come before you right now, Lord, and I ask you right now, I ask you to replace hesitation with courage. Lord, replace hiding with boldness, Lord. Lord, replace small thinking with great thinking, big thinking. Lord, I ask you to help us, each and every one, Lord. Help us to replace helplessness with responsibility. Lord, I ask you to renew our minds, to strengthen us, strengthen our skills, help us to get better at things. And Lord, help us to anchor our identity in you. Lord, I ask that you help us to lead boldly, help us to lead humbly, and help us to lead faithfully. In Jesus' name, amen and amen. Well, thank you so much for listening to this week's uh Christian Business Concepts. I'm so glad that you tuned in. Be sure to listen to us and do me a favor, help us to grow the CBC community and post a link to this podcast on your Facebook page or on your uh on a uh post a LinkedIn post and put it in a post so that other people can see it. Let three, four, or five people know this week about the podcast and encourage them to listen. I'm so thankful for you. I'm praying for you, I'm praying for your business. And so until next time, remember that Jesus is Lord and He wants you blessed.

SPEAKER_00 31:37

Thank you for tuning in to this week's Christian Business Concepts Podcast. Go to Christian Business Concepts.com for more information and resources. Be sure to check out other podcasts that will help you take your business and your personal life to a whole new level of success.