The Leadership Skill No One Taught You: Diplomacy

One sentence can cost you trust, stall your mission, and shrink your influence, even when your decision is correct. That’s why we lean into a leadership skill most people only associate with politics: diplomacy. For us as Christian business owners and leaders, diplomacy isn’t spin and it isn’t weakness. It’s disciplined strength, “strength under control,” that lets us speak truth without crushing relationships or dividing the room.

We walk through a biblical foundation for diplomatic leadership, starting with Abigail in 1 Samuel 25 and the way she defuses a crisis with humility, timing, and clarity. We also look at how Jesus responds to traps without exploding, protecting the mission while still upholding truth. Along the way, we contrast wise restraint with leadership failures driven by ego, emotional reaction, and impatience, including the costly fallout of harsh leadership in the story of Rehoboam.

From there, we get practical about building diplomacy in daily business communication and conflict resolution: self-diplomacy with emotional discipline, interpersonal diplomacy in one-on-one conversations, organizational diplomacy for boards and culture, and strategic diplomacy for industry relationships and partnerships. You’ll hear simple tools you can apply immediately, like delaying the email, separating the issue from a person’s identity, asking better questions, and practicing controlled transparency to protect people’s dignity while still leading with conviction.

If you want stronger organizational culture, less friction, and a leadership legacy that lasts, this is for you. Subscribe to Christian Business Concepts, share this with a leader you respect, and leave a review so more Christian leaders can learn to steward influence well.

Transcript

Welcome And Share Request

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to the Christian Business Concepts with your host, Harold Milby. Christian Business Concepts.

Shout Out To Melbourne

Why Diplomacy Multiplies Influence

Strength Under Control Defined

Why Leaders Fail At Diplomacy

Four Levels Of Diplomacy

How To Learn Diplomacy

Benefits And Costs Of Conflict

Legacy Mindset Prayer And Closing

SPEAKER_01 0:17

It's Kelly, and welcome everyone to Christian Business Concepts Podcast. I'm your host, Harold Milby, and I'm so glad that you decided to download and listen to this week's episode. You know, CBC is dedicated to helping Christian business owners and leaders find true godly success. And you know how we do that? We do that by applying biblical principles to business concepts. So today I hope that you'll be encouraged, enlightened, and empowered by what you hear. Now, be sure to help us to grow the CBC community and family by sharing this podcast with four or five other people this week and by posting a link to this podcast on your LinkedIn and Facebook pages. So just create a post and put that link in there and maybe say something positive about Christian business concepts if it has been a blessing to you. Now, this week I want to give a big shout out to Melbourne, Australia. I know I've mentioned them many times before for having so many downloads. And I want to say this you know, the United States is the largest country for downloads for CBC. But I also want to say this the largest single city in the world for downloads for Christian business concepts is Melbourne, Australia. So thank you. I'm so humbled by that, but I thank you so much, folks of Melbourne, Australia. Thank you so much. Keep up the good work and the great down under. I greatly appreciate it. Now, you know, John Maxwell, who has been a mentor for me for many years, since 1991 actually, and he personally coached me in the early years. This was back when he was still pastoring before he became known as the number one leadership uh guru in the world. Uh, but Maxwell says this. He says, leadership is influence, nothing more, nothing less. And today we're talking about something that's going to multiply that influence. It's going to multiply your influence. And it's either going to do that or it's going to very quietly destroy your influence. See, today I want to discuss the importance of diplomacy. Uh, it's it's something we know when we see it, but it's rarely spoken about and hardly ever taught outside of politics. But I'm not talking about politics. I'm not talking about manipulation, and I'm not talking about weakness. I'm talking about biblical and strategic, the the biblical and strategic art of navigating people, navigating power and pressure, but with wisdom, with restraint, um and even clarity, if we can say it that way. You know, I think about Abigail in 1 Samuel chapter 25, when her husband, Nabal, insulted King David and his men, and David intended to slaughter the entire household. But Abigail, Abigail, she acted so decisively when her husband's knowledge, well, or without her husband's knowledge, I should say. And so she prepared this massive peace offering of food and wine, and she was very humble and she was very tactful in her speech so that she could appeal to David's future legacy. And she did it successfully, preventing a lot of bloodshed and convincing him to leave justice to God. That's diplomacy. What a great example of diplomacy. And you can read that again in 1 Samuel chapter 25. Now, here's the truth. You can be a visionary and you can still fail. You can be bold and you can still lose trust. And you can be right and still lose the room, as I like to say. Because leadership isn't just about decisions, it's about how you deliver them. You know, I used to tell my kids uh quite frequently, I've said, it's not what you say, it's how you say it. And that's a part of diplomacy, of being diplomatic. I've been accused many times of being diplomatic, you know, uh in dealing with particular situations as a as a leader. I have been um accused of being diplomatic by people that feel like I should have taken a much harsher approach. But I feel like diplomacy is what gains trust. It's what gives you the ability to relate to multiple people at multiple levels. You know, Proverbs 16, 21, it says, the wise in heart are called discerning, and gracious words promote instruction. See, this diplomacy is the difference between influence and isolation. It's the difference maker between alignment and then division. And it's also the difference really between legacy and regret. You know, today what we're gonna talk about, we're gonna talk about why diplomacy matters and why there's so many leaders that fail at it. We're gonna talk about the biblical foundation of diplomacy, we're gonna talk about different levels of diplomacy and how to develop it. And then we're gonna talk a little bit about what happens when leaders refuse to learn the art of diplomacy. So, first let's look at what is diplomacy. Diplomacy is not being soft. It is basically the best way to describe diplomacy in my mind is strength under control. It's strength that's under control. It's the ability to speak truth without destroying relationships. It's the ability to navigate disagreements without escalating the conflict. It's the ability to really influence people without intimidating people. It protects unity, and yet it doesn't compromise conviction. So you got to think of diplomacy like a shock absorber in a vehicle. You know, uh you still move forward, you still hit bumps, but you don't destroy the frame of the car every time you hit a bump or you hit resistance. So diplomacy is like that. Diplomacy absorbs friction without sacrifice the direction that you're going in. I love Winston Churchill. I've read a lot about Winston Churchill. One of the things that he said one time, he said, diplomacy is the art of telling people to get lost in such a way that they ask for directions. That's kind of funny, but I really like what that says. Diplomacy is the art of telling people to get lost in such a way that they ask for directions. Now, while we wouldn't say it exactly that way as Christian leaders, the principle is still powerful. You know, diplomacy allows correction without humiliating people. It allows strength without there being a bunch of cruelty. So why does diplomacy matter to God? Why is it so important? You know, uh some leaders think diplomacy is just a corporate technique, but diplomacy is deeply biblical. It's deeply biblical. Why? Well, first because God values unity. You know, Psalms 133 and 1 says how good and pleasant it is when God's people live together in unity. See, God values wise speech that keeps unity. Proverbs 15 and 1 says, a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. See, God values, he values wise speech. Now God also values reconciliation. That's why in Matthew chapter 5, verse 9, it says, Blessed are the peacemakers. Blessed are the peacemakers. It's important. So diplomacy, it kind of protects unity without sacrificing truth. And Jesus modeled that so perfectly. You know, you consider he corrected the Pharisees, but he did it very strategically. He spoke boldly and not just out of impulse. You know, he answered questions a lot of times with questions, and he exposed traps without attacking personalities. See, when the religious leaders tried to trap him about the taxes, he didn't explode. He just said, Well, you render unto Caesar what is Caesar's. So that's just brilliant, I think. And it really shows us what diplomacy is. He upheld truth, there's no question about that. But he avoided escalation when it wasn't necessary. He always looked to preserve what the mission was. What is that mission? What is that focus? See, diplomacy honors God because it reflects wisdom, it ref it protects unity, and it avoids unnecessary offense. And it still advances the mission. So here's where it gets real. Many, many leaders fail at diplomacy because, number one, because of ego. Because they believe, you know, well, if I'm right, I can say how I can say it however I want to. And to be honest, that's not leadership. That's insecurity. That's that's somebody who's insecure but has authority. Um, that is not leadership. You know, Rehaboam in 1 Kings chapter 12, his count his wise men came to him with counsel and told him not to respond harshly to the people. But he rejected that counsel. And his lack of diplomacy, this is where uh Israel, this is where Israel, where the whole country of Israel was divided. It split the kingdom, and he was the one that caused that because of his lack of diplomacy. He was right to lead, but he was wrong in how he led. He was right in the position, but he was wrong in how he led. And uh so a second thing, uh another thing that that causes leaders to fail at being diplomatic is an emotional reaction. Um, you know, some leaders react instead of respond, and there's a huge difference between those two. You know, Proverbs 29:11 says fools give full vent to their rage. You know, emotionally reactive leaders, you know, what happens with those folks is you'll you'll send emails way too fast. You'll correct people publicly when it should be done in private, and then you'll escalate things when they don't need to be escalated. So diplomacy requires some emotional discipline. You can't allow yourself, listen, I know you're going to feel those things, and I know there are times when you feel very emotional about something, but don't, you know, as I've always said, you have emotions, God gave you emotions, but God never intended for you to be led in and to apply your emotions to the situation. You're not to be led by your emotions. You can have them, but you're not supposed to be led by them. A third reason is a misunderstanding what strength is. See, some people believe that diplomacy means you're going to compromise, and it doesn't. You know, Daniel, when he was in Babylon, he demonstrated this kind of extraordinary diplomacy because he respectfully, respectfully requested alternative food rather than rebelling against the king's orders. He asked the king, very respectfully, if he could have something else to eat besides what he was providing. So he protected his conviction, but he didn't create this confrontation that wasn't needed. Now the next thing is impatience, because diplomacy requires timing, which means sometimes you got to wait. You know, um Ecclesiastes chapter 3 talks about there's a time to speak, you know, and then there's a time not to be to not speak and to be quiet. So some leaders speak truth, but they speak it way too early, or it's maybe just entirely too blunt. Um, you know, or maybe they're in the wrong forum. They shouldn't even be speaking about it with the group of people that they're with. See, truth delivered at the wrong time creates resistance instead of transformation. And as leaders, we should all be in the transformation business. Transformation of our business, transformation for our customers, transformation uh for our employees. We should be in the transformation business. So let's talk about these different levels of diplomacy, because there's four, uh there's uh four, I think. Uh so the first uh level is self-diplomacy. That's managing your own tone, you manage your emotions, you manage your timing. And if you cannot lead yourself, you're not going to be able to lead others. You know, Nehemiah heard a lot of insults while he was up on that wall rebuilding it. But he always prayed before he responded. That's what I'm talking about when I'm talking about self-diplomacy. Now, the second level of diplomacy is interpersonal diplomacy. This is one-on-one, one-on-one correction, one-on-one conflict resolution, uh, or having difficult conversations. You know, Jesus restored Peter privately after he failed. He didn't, he didn't shame him publicly. That's relational wisdom and that's interpersonal diplomacy. Now, the next level of diplomacy is what I would consider to be organizational diplomacy. This is when you're you're communicating to the board, or you're you you you've got to have executive alignment, or you're trying to manage the culture. You know, Abraham Lincoln built a team of rivals. He included people who disagreed with them, and he navigated their differ differences, but he did it very diplomatically. So strong leaders don't eliminate tension, they just know how to deal with it. Uh, they they they're just a good steward with it, if I can say it that way. Then the fourth level is strategic diplomacy. Very important. This is, I'm talking about navigating with competitors. Uh, what are your in industry relationships like? What is your public communication like? What about mergers and partnerships? How that's handled. You know, Satya uh uh Satya Nadella transformed Microsoft, not through aggression, but what she did is she very softly changed the culture very diplomatically, and she rebuilt all those partnerships. And then what happened was she built a lot of trust within the organization, especially when it came to uh collaborative types of situations. So diplomacy can reposition an entire company if it's done right. So, how do you learn the art of diplomacy? How do you learn it? Well, first of all, realize that diplomacy can be learned. It can be learned. You don't need to think, well, I'm just not a diplomatic person, I can't do this. That is a very limited mindset. That's a very strict mindset. But you need to have a learning mindset. You you need to have an open mindset that you can learn. Uh, so you can learn the art of diplomacy. So, what do you have to do? Well, number one, you have to develop emotional intelligence. What is that? Well, you got to think and you got to ask yourself questions sometimes like, why am I reacting this way? What am I trying to protect? And then what outcome do I want? You know, Stephen Covey said, seek first to understand, then to be understood. So you want to understand the other the other folks first. Then you can try to be understood. So listening is the foundation, I think. I think listening is the foundation of diplomacy. Number two, you need to slow down your decision communication. In other words, you might write the email, but don't send it yet. Sleep on it. Look at it in a couple of days before you send it. You'll probably change it. Diplomacy often lives in what I would call delay. So sometimes delay is the best thing that can happen to diplomacy and for diplomacy. Uh, number three, separate the issues from the identity. You want to attack the problem. You don't want to attack people. That's not diplomacy. Attack the problem. You want to honor people because this will preserve the dignity of those people while you're trying to correct them or give some kind of correcting direction. So you want to separate the issues from the identity of the people. Number four, you want to ask very strategic questions. Jesus used questions constantly. You know, questions will reduce people from becoming uh defensive. Uh so you want to ask questions. Uh, and and when you make statements, you increase that defensiveness. So you don't want to just make statements, you want to ask questions. So instead of saying, oh, this plan won't work, you might want to say to that person, hey, help me understand how this how this is going to scale long term. Uh, you know, that's just an example. And then you're gonna have to learn, number five, you're gonna have to learn controlled transparency. Controlled transparency. Diplomacy does not mean revealing everything to everyone. Jesus told his disciples some truths that they were not ready to hear. You know, wisdom filters information, but it it filters it very appropriately. So you want to learn to have controlled transparency. So, what are some of the real life benefits of diplomacy? Because I believe there are some. You know, leaders who master diplomacy, um they have greater influence. People follow those who make them feel respected. So they'll have greater influence. Uh, also, there'll be reduced conflict costs. And what do I mean by that? A lot of times conflicts uh that are created because you're of a lack of diplomacy has costs associated with it. You're talking about maybe legal litigation. It could be the number of turnover or the amount of turnover you had with employees, especially in management positions, which costs you money. Uh, or it could be board tension, um, you know, or it could be public relations damage. So it could hurt your image in the marketplace. So what happens is diplomacy kind of lowers the organizational friction. And that's important. Now, a stronger culture is another benefit. You get a stronger culture because employees feel safe. And then you get ideas that begin to flow. Why do they flow? Because employees feel safe. And then you get feedback, you get better at feedback, it improves as well. Why? Because again, the employees feel safe. So it really creates a stronger culture. And then it also brings longevity. You know, there's many leaders that don't fail from a lack of intelligence. They're very intelligent, but they fail because they don't know how to relate or they have what I call relational erosion. They erode away any kind of relational trust that they may have had. See, diplomacy extends leadership. It extends its lifespan. So if you want to be a great leader and you want to leave a legacy and you want to be a leader for a long time, you need to learn the art of diplomacy. Now, what happens when leaders refuse to learn diplomacy? Well, uh, teams go silent, your people go silent on On you. There's a there's a lack of innovation. You start to see that slow down. And then you begin to see good people leave, which is what you don't want. You know, and your reputation suffers. And when you look in in the Old Testament at King Saul, the first king of Israel, King Saul's a very powerful biblical example because he had a lot of insecurity, he was impulsive, and that always destroyed trust. I mean, he threw spears at David. That's not diplomacy, that's ego. And that ego he felt like was being threatened. Now you contrast that with Joseph in the Old Testament. Because Joseph had to navigate through betrayal of his brothers. He had to navigate prison. And then he was in Pharaoh's court. But but he learned to communicate very strategically. And he interpreted dreams very carefully. And then he managed the famine that they had very, very wisely. So his diplomacy really saved nations. So why does this matter for Christian business leaders like you and I? Well, we represent Christ in how we lead. Our tone, people listen to our tone. Sometimes when we restrain ourselves from overreacting, or we restrain ourselves so we're not acting out of emotion, that speaks to people. They see that, they recognize that. When you have this diplomacy or ability to be diplomatic, it really kind of reflects maturity. It really does. You know, Colossians 4 and 6 says, let your conversation be always full of grace seasoned with salt. You know, we're talking about grace and truth. We're not talking about one without the other. You need to have grace and truth. So here's the bottom line. Here's the bottom line. Diplomacy is not weakness. And that's where a lot of people go. They think, well, if I'm going to be diplomatic, that's just a sign of weakness. No, it's actually a sign of strength. Because it's disciplined strength, is what it is. It's not compromise. It's not compromise. We're what we're trying to do is we're trying to be good stewards of our influence that we have. Because when you have that art of diplomacy down, it's going to protect unity, it's going to protect your mission, it's going to protect your culture and your legacy. You know, the world has a lot of loud leaders out there, but God's looking for something more than just loud leaders. He's looking for wise leaders. And God wants to bless your business. He does. So I want to encourage you to learn diplomacy, practice restraint, lead with clarity, and protect relationships and move forward with your mission. Because in leadership is not just what you build, it's how you build it. Let me say it again. Leadership is not just what you build, it's how you build it. And diplomacy determines whether what you build will last. And that is incredibly important as we're all trying to be a leader that has legacy. So, Lord, we thank you today for your wisdom. We thank you for your knowledge. We thank you for your understanding. Lord, Lord, help all of us as Christian business owners, as Christian business leaders to learn the art of diplomacy in order to develop trust and greater influence with those that we work with, those that are our customers, our vendors, and others, Lord. Lord, again, we humbly ask that you help us to apply these principles and find true godly success. And Lord, we ask these things in your name, in Jesus' name. Amen and amen. Well, thank you again, everyone, for downloading and listening to this week's Christian Business Podcast. I'm so excited about what God is doing. I hear from some of you, and you guys tell me how God is blessing your business and how that you are taking and growing and taking steps upward to become really good Christian leaders and owners. And not just trying to be a Christian-owned company, but being a Christian-led company. And that has a lot to say about who you are. And so I'm just so excited about it. Again, help us, help us do what you can to, or help us grow by doing what you can to help other people find out about Christian business concepts. You know, we're getting close to over uh 200 podcast episodes. There's all kinds of things out there to help you and to encourage you. And I just want you to be sure to lead boldly, to speak wisely, and steward your influence very, very well. So now, until next time, remember, Jesus is Lord and He wants you blessed.

SPEAKER_00 27:47

Thank you for tuning in to this next Christian Business Concept Podcast. Go to Christian Business Concept.