The Lion Within Us - Leadership for Christian Men 

573. I'm Just A Guy Series - Raising Kids

• Chris Grainger

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God handpicked you to lead your family. This wasn't by accident or coincidence—it was by divine design. Yet many Christian fathers struggle with feeling inadequate, believing the enemy's lie that someone else could do a better job. The truth? You were chosen specifically for your family, and your presence matters more than your perfection.

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Chris Grainger:

Welcome to the Lion Within Us, a podcast serving Christian men who are hungry to be the leaders God intends you to be. I'm your host, chris Granger. Let's jump in. All right, fellas, this is your meat episode. Let's get right into it, okay? So the scripture of the week this week is in the book of 2 Timothy, the first chapter, the fifth verse. It says For I am mindful of the sincere faith within you which first dwelled in your grandmother, lois, and your mother, eunice, and I am sure that it is in you as well. Guys, love that little verse, just a good reflection for us, and I took some time on our spiritual kickoff episode to help you see how you can simplify and apply this to your life. Ok, again, monday through Friday, we do these spiritual kickoffs within the Lion Within us. So if you enjoy these episodes the lionwithinus Now that's also where you'll find where we get a lot of the content that we're going through today. It's found directly on the Bible app. So if you're not using the Bible app, what are you waiting on, buddy? Like seriously? It's almost a billion people who have downloaded this thing. Get on the Bible app, search for the Lion Within Us.

Chris Grainger:

We put these stuff out all the time. I've got one right on my computer over here to the side that I'm writing right now. This is just a steady way that we try to serve and the ones that do very well. We share them on our podcast. This is it. This is what we call it. I'm just a guy raising kids and I'm hopeful that, as we go through this, there's something that's going to resonate. And you just need to hear one thing God handpicked you to lead your family. This was not by accident. This was designed okay. Now the enemy is trying to do all he can to make us feel discouraged, to make us feel disqualified and to make us feel defeated, because he wants us to believe A lie that we're not enough, that somebody else could lead our family better. And he's just full of it, bro, he's full of it. We got to reject that crap and stand firm in the truth. But Because reality is we were called by God, we were handpicked and we had to protect what matters most, and it's time to start fighting for the family that God had in mind all along. So now Remember, we have to be the primary encourager of faith in our families.

Chris Grainger:

Go back to the spiritual kickoff episode. We talked about that one verse. That's what we're called to do. We have to be that primary encourager. Then we also have to be leading by example, because it says in Deuteronomy, part of the Shema, it says these words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart and you shall repeat them diligently to your sons and speak of them while you sit down in your house, when you walk down the road, when you lie down and when you get up. And that's the sound of Deuteronomy. So we start thinking about that.

Chris Grainger:

What does that mean? Well, I mean, for some of us, our dads were our heroes. For me that's the case. He was and still is. And I remember trying to walk in his shoes, man, and literally trying to walk in his shoes. How funny it was, because there was nothing more fun than putting my small feet into his big shoes and trying to clunk around the house Because I felt like I was stepping into greatness man.

Chris Grainger:

Now I'm having these four young'uns on my own. I'm on receiving end and it's scary. There's a weight that comes with knowing that our kids are watching every move. You know, you hear people talk about there's more caught than taught. I've even said that a lot hear people talk about. There's more caught than taught. I've even said that a lot, but nothing hits as hard on that saying for me as seeing my own words and mannerisms reflected back to me, particularly my little boy. It's just crazy.

Chris Grainger:

Because we live on a farm, his days are full with barn animals and farm chores and tractors and just wide open space. And if I got my cowboy hat on, you can bet your bottom dollar he is going to have his or it's going to be a fight. If I'm on a tractor, he's on board. If I'm in the barn, he's right there beside me. And these words in Deuteronomy just hit, they just hit. And these words in Deuteronomy just hit, they just hit.

Chris Grainger:

And while I love teaching him stuff and I try to be a man, scripture shows me that my greatest responsibility is to continually point him to the Lord. That's it, continually point him to the Lord. And for the longest time when I started thinking about this directly, I thought that simply taking my family to church was that box. And while that does matter I'm not anti-church. You should go to church, for sure. But man that can't be outsourced no, it can't be outsourced. But man that can't be outsourced. No, it can't be outsourced. God placed that responsibility on me, on my shoulders. It ain't a Sunday morning thing, it's an everyday, all the time thing period, and that was a shift in mindset and it has really helped me be more intentional, teaching them God's word through these different devotions and journals and reading scripture. That's what it's about this passage.

Chris Grainger:

Right here, deuteronomy pushes it even further. It says to diligently teach and model God's ways in every moment. So when you're sitting down, when you're lying down, when you're getting up and that means like when you hit your thumb, like when I hit my thumb happens all the time with a hammer and or that day completely unravels. They're watching, bro. They're watching to see how we respond. It's like Teaching a lesson on self-control and then you blow up over something minor. That's like the spiritual equivalent of telling them to eat their vegetables, and while they're doing that, I'm eating Hershey's bar. Right, it don't add up, and rightly so. So I just want to encourage you. If you don't feel equipped or if you're afraid of messing up, he's with you and your effort matters, your presence matters, and every step that you take with your kids and point them towards Him, no matter how imperfect it is, you're planting a seed that could bear fruit for the kingdom. So, bro, give yourself a little bit of grace. It is your responsibility, but this is a great opportunity we have as men. So the question to think about, maybe, is how do you respond when life doesn't go as planned? Because your kids, boys and girls, they're watching that stuff. How about what it says in Proverbs 22 as well? It says to train up a child in the way he should go, and when he grows older he will not abandon it.

Chris Grainger:

Now, I never really thought that discipline was directly coupled with care until I started working on some horses. I'm telling you, boy, I got kicked in the chest by a mare one day. She was gone Her food. I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time and that was a start for mine before me. And then we had another horse and I tried to lead her. She's 14 years old. I tried to lead her around and she's acting like she's never seen a hawk before in her life.

Chris Grainger:

And it's crazy because these horses, again, we take care of them as part of what we do. They're not wild or neglected, but they missed some crucial teaching when they were young. They lacked that early discipline and now it's showing up as resistance, as fear and sometimes danger. And it's not that they're bad animals, they're not. They're just untrained and that untraining has consequences. And what's really clear to me, after working with these horses now and just being a dad for a long time now as well, is that discipline isn't just about control. It's about cultivating that safety and that trust, especially when you're dealing with an animal like a horse. They're powerful, they're huge. You can't just hope things work out right. There's a necessary level of discipline with them, structure, consistency, authority. That must be established if any relationship truly meaningful relationship is going to happen, because without it somebody's going to get hurt, just like I did. Right, usually it's the one who cares the most.

Chris Grainger:

I recognize that in my life when I look at my house and I watch my son respond to a clear directive it was never spoken. It's funny, it can be funny. It's frustrating Because deep down I know what I'm aiming for isn't blind obedience. I'm trying to teach you meekness. That's not a word we use a whole lot, is it? But it's a powerful word. Meekness really is strength under control. It's choosing restraint when you could unleash absolute fury. It's harnessing wildness in a way that serves others instead of overpowering them. And that's what I want for my boy, so doggone bad. I don't want to crush his spirit Are you kidding me? I want to guide it. I want to shape him into a man who knows how to stand tall and lead with grace and discipline.

Chris Grainger:

When we start thinking about it in this light starts to become really different, because it's not punishment, it's preparation, it's training, it's molding, it's forging, and sometimes it shows up as correction. Sometimes it's a spanking OK, yes, gosh, you can still spank your kids. Ok, it's OK. Sometimes it's a hard conversation, but it's all rooted in love, not frustration, and that's the difference maker. And I thought for the longest time the best thing I could do for my kids for real was to be their friend. And I was so jacked up Because I thought if I could just keep the peace and have fun with them, then I'd win as a dad. But scripture don't tell me that man. Scripture is very different.

Chris Grainger:

Our calling is to be their parent first, a shepherd, a guide, a source of wisdom and truth. It can't just be about entertainment, and that friendship could come later. For sure it can Think about me and my father, but it can't be a starting point. If my dad started with me being his friend first, I shudder to think what it would look like. I wasn't able to appreciate that until I got older and had my own kids, and the respect I had for him was not born out of fear. It was born out of that steady, loving way. He corrected me and he shaked me. Now it's my turn.

Chris Grainger:

So maybe you're a dad and you're feeling confused by discipline or even guilty after doing it. I get it, man. I get it, but it is our duty. It's not something that we do to our children, guys, it's something we do for them. I mean, think about a river, the way a river flows down. On one side you have discernment, on the other side you have knowledge. Discipline is like the banks that holds the water in place, because if you don't have that, water just goes everywhere and it's chaos, floods, havoc. But when you have that discernment, when you have that knowledge, when you have that wisdom, that discipline all there, it becomes a force of direction.

Chris Grainger:

And that's what our youngins need, not absence from boundaries, but presence of guidance. And just like those horses I talked about earlier, if we don't take the time to discipline them. To discipline them, to teach them, to correct them, to lead them. We're setting them up for a future struggle, and it may not feel good at the moment, may not be popular, but I'm telling you, this discipline is necessary Because, in the end, it's one of the most profound ways that we can show love, because it really what it says is that I love you too much to let you drift and your future matters more than your comfort. So just think about that and I'd ask you are you leading your children or are you trying to be their friend? Think about that. We're going to take a break. We'll be right back.

Chris Grainger:

Guys, I've got something big to share. We're making a major shift because we know the battle is real and it's time more men had access to the support they need. For too long, guys have been trying to carry the weight alone pressure at work, tension at home, wounds from the past, in a world that demands strength but offers no place to rest. We see it, we've lived it, and that's exactly why we built our community. It's a stronghold, a place where warriors can find rest, truth and a band of brothers standing beside them. And starting now, we're making it easier than ever to step in. We've lowered the barrier to just $15.99 a month. That means for less than the cost of a drive-thru lunch, you can join a brotherhood that's centered on Christ and built for growth. Inside you'll find access to our daily spiritual kickoffs every Monday through Friday, our Lion Lunches, our Bible Studies, our Friday Forge Gatherings all that and so much more. Every man needs a stronghold, and you don't have to fight alone. If you've been waiting for the right time to jump in, this is it. Go to thelionwithinus and join the community and see for yourself what happens when iron truly sharpens iron. All right, guys, we're back now.

Chris Grainger:

So look, let's keep digging into it again, this whole idea of I'm just a guy raising kids and sometimes you got rebellious kids. You just do. Kids can be rebellious. And when you start thinking about the prodigal son out of Luke 15, the prodigal son out of Luke 15, I can't think of a better framework to to kind of help us work through this together. And something I've learned the longer I've walked through to being a dad 15 years now is that not every hill is worth dying on.

Chris Grainger:

Okay, because each one of my kids has unique characteristics. They do, and choosing which battles to engage has become a critical practice for me, and I'll be honest. My kids get it honest. Okay, because, as far as that, because I can remember, I've been rebellious. Heck, I even had a license plate that said rebel. Okay, so it's just part of it. But no matter what the rebellious tendencies I had, my parents always instilled in me that the home I grew up in was a safe place. It was a safe place, and what's fascinating is that when it became my turn to be a dad that rebellious streak that I loved and I still hold on to it, I try to I got frustrated when I saw it being reflected in my kids and I didn't like that.

Chris Grainger:

That was a tension inside of me and it made me step back and say man, why is this bothering me so much? I started thinking about some different parenting styles that are out there and what applied particularly over the last few generations. We've all heard helicopter parenting You're hovering close and you're managing every little detail of your kid's life. The intent is good, because you want to protect, you want to guide, you want to ensure that safety right. So the intent's there. Then you hear the lawnmower parents, right, this is where your goal is just to remove any obstacle, just get it out the way. I don't even want to have to face it. Well intentioned, because nobody wants their kids to struggle. But for me I start thinking to start, something clicked my frustration with my kids.

Chris Grainger:

Rebellion wasn't about them at all, it's about me. No-transcript. Their acts of defiance, no matter how big or small, challenged the illusion I had in my mind that I controlled stuff, and that hit a nerve, hit hard. And when I started holding up that mindset against the father and the parable of the lost son there's a big contrast there and it humbled me, because Jesus paints a picture of a father who lets go. He watches his only son walk away. You don't chase him, he doesn't manipulate him, he doesn't coerce him. What does he do? He waits. And then, when that boy comes to his senses, the father doesn't shame him, he doesn't lecture him, he runs to him with compassion and that embrace that they had master class, master class for grace and leadership as a dad, because just imagine the ache that he had in his heart watching his boy disappear out in the distance and he resisted the urge to dominate the outcome. And that's the type of dad that I'm striving to be and I'm sure you are too Leading with love, not controlling, and this can be a difficult space for us to sit in, because it just hits hard, right, but maybe you identify with the Father right now and you're feeling heartbroken because you got a rebellious child.

Chris Grainger:

Or maybe you are the prodigal and you're still far from home, but our Heavenly Father is unwavering. So if you got this rebellion going on in your home right now, just take heart. Your home is a safe place to land. They need to know that. Lean into your prayer of life, let go of this illusion of control that we hold on to as dudes, and then be ready with your arms open for your day that your child returns.

Chris Grainger:

Because I'm going to tell you what. There's nothing more powerful, from a loving standpoint for a father than simply being there, bro, just being there, just waiting, just watching and believing that their story is not over yet. So just think about for you how do you respond when your authority is challenged, and then be truthful with that answer, and then that will give you some insight on what you can do to address it. Because at the end of the day, fellas, we have to trust God with our future. It tells us in Proverbs 3,. It says trust in the Lord with all your heart. You're not leaning on your own understanding and all your ways of knowledge. He will make your path straight.

Chris Grainger:

That's 3, 5, 2, 6, right, so letting go doesn't mean we got to check out, okay, and I had that backwards for a long time. People told me to let go. I equated that too often with stepping away from responsibility, and there's no better story for me to explain this to you guys than 2021. Because what happened was that that reality collided with reality. There was a collision right there in reality when we found out that my wife was pregnant, again react. There was a collision right there in reality when we found out that my wife was pregnant again 2021. And just so you know, in 2020, we lost our daughter, faith May. We have a whole podcast on that out there.

Chris Grainger:

She was stillborn, beautiful little girl, perfect in every way, and, uh, I remember holding her, pleading her for her eyes to open, and, and unfortunately, her eyes never did. And God, uh, I remember holding her, pleading her for her eyes to open, and, and unfortunately, her eyes never did, and God chose to take her home. You know and and that and that I can't get into that right now because then I'll start breaking down and crying. I just I go listen to that episode. It's in the Wayback Machine. If you just search Faith, you'll, you'll, you'll find her episode. This is very special to me.

Chris Grainger:

So when I learned that there was another baby on the way man, anxiety went through the roof. Let's just say that Every appointment, every ultrasound, every pause in a conversation, fear started gripping and I became hyper-controlling y'all. It was not good. I scrutinized every move, every decision and I thought I was being vigilant, but really what I was trying to do was play God. My wife was very concerned and carried herself with grace and trust, and eventually I had to face the hard truth.

Chris Grainger:

What my actions were really saying was God, I don't trust you. And saying that out loud is still hard to say, but my behavior was such it was clear. I was angry man, I was hurt. I didn't want to surrender again. But I knew that every breath I take is a gift. Every heartbeat of the kids that he's given me is a miracle. I can't make their hearts beat, and God had proven his faithfulness over and over and over. Yet I was letting one heartbreaking moment cloud my entire view of his goodness, and I wish I could sit here and tell you, boys, that the anxiety went away, but I'd be lying to you. I ain't going to do that. I stayed on edge the whole time, the whole time.

Chris Grainger:

And when I finally held my newborn little girl in August of that year and I got to hear her cry for the first time, brother, I can't even explain the emotions that came out. And then I realized that God loves this little girl even more than I do, just the same way he loved my other daughter. So there's a lot outside of our control as dads. But please hear me, bro. God chose you on purpose to lead your family in this life, and trusting him doesn't mean we walk away. It means we stay engaged, that we leave with courage, that we rest in his sovereignty, because every time we get to hear one of our kids call out daddy I don't know if your kids say daddy or not, my kids say daddy man it's a reminder that we're still in the game y'all and we shouldn't trade that. So if you're a dad or a future dad, I do pray that this has stirred something in you. I pray you keep leaning into the faith and that you keep showing up and keep reminding yourself that you are the man God handpicked for the job, bro, and I'm cheering for you. I'm cheering for you.

Chris Grainger:

So, again, we talked about this question all week this week is who truly leads the spiritual direction of your home right now? And my prayer is, after going through the spiritual kickoff and now this episode, that you're getting a little bit more encouraged that you're the man for a job. So, guys, if you like this man, check them out on the bible app. I try to put these out. I do a lot of writing, so just open up the bible app. Search for the Lion Within Us. You can connect with us right there TheLionWithinus also. We have links there on the website for that.

Chris Grainger:

I would ask you also just to consider checking out what we offer, from a spiritual kickoff to the community, to the leadership mastermind. Guys, we are leaning in hard. We're building a lot of resources. We're going all in because we feel like God's called us to do this and it's genuine. It's not some corporate type of program that's just thought up in a think tank and trying to push. That ain't how this works. This works with genuine connections, genuine relationships, relationships, genuine conversations, one at a time, nothing flashy. So if you feel a little isolated, like you don't have anybody who really knows what's going on, we're here for you. So you just head over to the line within dot us. Don't forget to the the line within dot us. Alright, guys, we'll hopefully enjoy this one. We'll see you next time. Come back for our fun Friday episode. We'll keep unpacking a few tips and maybe even a dad joke or two. How about that? Have a great day, guys, and keep unleashing the lion within.

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Chris Grainger

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