Welcome to the After 2 Beers podcast. I'm Dutch Dalton, joined as always by Kimmy Kebler. That's me and Michael the Puddin' Summers.
Speaker 2:What's going on?
Speaker 1:What were you doing? He was looking at the camera. Ah, I'm coming in. He was like how you doing oh we appreciate you tuning in tonight to the show. I've got 10 stories lined up. I actually think we've got a couple from puddin as well. We'll go through some of them pretty quick. You know everybody's being pretty good right now. Everybody must be flipping out about tariffs because all right um, you know, but people are still dumb.
Speaker 1:we still got dumb shit happening in the world. We're going to share it with you. If this is your first time tuning in to the after two beers podcast, basically, what we do is, uh, we consume two alcoholic beverages, typically beer, hence the name of the podcast, yeah, and then we begin discussing stories that you're not likely to hear on your local newscast or radio broadcast, and this is the stuff that makes me feel better about me, you know.
Speaker 2:I'm not as fucked up as I thought. No, no.
Speaker 1:Like you know if you're in a relationship.
Speaker 2:I just haven't been busted.
Speaker 1:Yeah, if you're currently in a relationship and maybe in your mind, oh, it's getting a little boring, or you know, it's kind of like the Pina Colada song. You're getting ready to write into the newspaper.
Speaker 2:You know that sort of thing.
Speaker 1:Before you do that, listen to our show and I'm sure that I will share at least a few relationship episode kind of moments. Yeah, we'll make you realize that the person that you're laying down next to at night is probably just okay enough.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Compared to what's out there in the world. Oh man, I'm happy. Shenanigans, Lots of stuff from Florida this week. Those guys, you can always count on them down there. Now, before we get started, I want to make sure that we thank our Patreon sponsors, those that help us continue to do the show. Patreoncom backslash after two beers For as little as $3 a month, you can help us out. We would greatly appreciate that. Thank you very, very much to all of our current Patreon sponsors. Also, thanks to our buddy here, Kevin Shook, at Global Media Enterprises here at E Studios at the corner of Main and 8th here in Richmond, Indiana. The cool part is he's got a webcam there. It is Right there.
Speaker 1:You know, if you live here locally, I actually used it. We got snow one night and I used it to check road conditions. I swear to God, there you go. Yeah, if you work at a radio station in the morning, now you don't have to get up and drive to see how the roads are. Or maybe you work for the city, you got to worry about snow removal there you go, you can check it out right there. But thanks to our buddy, kevin has this great facility here and does things on the fly as well. So if you want to do anything like multimedia-wise, be sure to reach out to Kevin. Also, you know how you know you've made it. How Is when you pull into the Jiffy Lube to get an oil change and the guy's like, hey, if you mention Jiffy Lube on air, there you go, we will give you 20 bucks off your next oil change.
Speaker 2:I was like shit son, sign me up.
Speaker 1:I'm going to wear a Jiffy Lube t-shirt. I'm going to tell you right now I'd sell out in a heartbeat. Oh yeah. I don't even care what your organization is. I don't care if it has a penis in the logo and you want me to wear it, I will wear it. I will do a lot of silly shit. Not a lot of silly shit.
Speaker 2:You leave that to me.
Speaker 1:That's where pudding comes in. No, thank you very much to the local Jiffy Lube for hooking us up. That's when you know you're living in a small town.
Speaker 2:Wait a minute, is that our?
Speaker 1:first sponsor. I think that's a sponsor now.
Speaker 2:Well, for one night it is, it is right.
Speaker 1:If you're a business mentioned on our show for as little as a $20 fee. We are A loop job, yeah.
Speaker 2:So was this person like already a listener?
Speaker 1:I hope you know. I mean, obviously they knew, knew who I was, but it helped that I had. It was in the truck so I had all those stickers on the back of it.
Speaker 1:Right, yeah, but regardless, I don't just walk around like hey doing chris dalton after two beers, you know. You mean, you don't know who I am. Right, I'm not that guy, and uh, he brought it up to me first. And then the cool part is is all the guys that were there, um, you know, they were like, oh, what's the show and all that. It's so funny. We've been around for eight years in this little ass town and I still think most people have never heard of us. Oh yeah, it's just wild to me. Yeah, no, I think it's fine we're blowing up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's right, I'm kind of a big deal we're gonna be huge.
Speaker 1:Uh, andy floyd checking, my mom checking in, so that's always a little interesting. All right, we've got about 10 stories to go. Are you guys ready to get into?
Speaker 2:it. Yeah, what do we got? What's your first one?
Speaker 1:All right, you know I talked about Florida and I will say they do one thing that I think is really cool they embrace who they are as a community throughout. They know what's up they do, right. Well, last year, on the podcast, we talked about their first annual Florida man Games and they brought it back again. It happened just last weekend and I wanted to go over some of the events because and this is all 100 percent true Now of the events, because and this is all 100 true now they only accept 12 teams a season.
Speaker 2:I looked into this for each year and you have to be from florida but we can go watch and uh, so I'm I'm thinking about doing it. Wendy davis, thank you we love, uh, love you watching thank you so much.
Speaker 1:Thank you, um. So here was the uh, the first event that uh, they had the day. I love this. These are real events that there was thousands of people there, thousands of people, oh, so you saw it too right oh yeah there was kids there. I mean, this isn't like like a college party thing, this is like a community that comes together throughout the state. It's like the Rose Fest we used to have.
Speaker 2:Yeah exactly, it's like Archway Days in Centerville yeah exactly.
Speaker 1:It's very wholesome and family-oriented. The first event was called the Eat the Butt Challenge. Oh no, it's where competitors attempted to scarf down a plate of pork butt as quickly as possible.
Speaker 2:That sounds a little more appetizing.
Speaker 1:I want to know what the trophy looks like. All the groceries, it's a peach. Oh man, That'd be a nasty peach, all right. The next event was the Evading Arrest Obstacle Course. It's and I love this, oh that, love this. Oh, that is good. You have to escape from handcuffs, you throw an alligator through a drive-thru window and then you steal a catalytic converter, all while being chased by actual cops.
Speaker 2:I want to know the meeting that gets involved. Will you sit around and think of the events?
Speaker 1:Okay, I want to know how practice goes Right the evading arrest obstacle, because you know how many are left 12 teams.
Speaker 2:Oh man, who gets left out? Is there a round robin?
Speaker 1:Have you guys noticed I'm getting off topic? It's the ADD, but ESPN News has been showing really random shit again on ESPN, really Like weird-ass events right Like two weekends ago. I'm watching it and it was just a flight of steps that it was covered in like jelly, yes, and it was just people racing to the top, but I mean it's jelly on step, it's like KY jelly. So it's nice and slick.
Speaker 1:And there's two people up the top just throwing five-gallon buckets of KY jelly down on these steps and I'm watching this on ESPN going. What the hell am I watching? I bet on it. Ben, you've been on those steps. No, I bet on it, oh yeah.
Speaker 2:That's funny.
Speaker 1:That's when you know you got a real gambling problem. They had car jiu-jitsu. I shit you not. It was a person that sat in the driver's seat and a person that sat in the passenger seat. Oh, yes, and they were literally doing like MMA jiu-jitsu trying to tap each other out while inside the car oh my gosh, that is awesome. Then they had a competition where they have those big giant tires that people flip over. Yeah, you had to get 51% of your opponent inside that tire.
Speaker 2:This is the most random stuff it's on.
Speaker 1:ESPN. Why can't the Florida games?
Speaker 2:That needs to be on there. Oh yeah, All right.
Speaker 1:Anyway, thank you. The weaponized pool noodle mud duel. It's a joust like on American Gladiators, but it's in a baby pool that's full of mud and the jousting poles are made of pool noodles and duct tape.
Speaker 2:Nice.
Speaker 1:Yeah, florida Sumo Cage Match Beer Chug. Now, this is awesome. It's you know, those inflatable sumos that you used to back in the day. You get in, each one of you gets into one of those and you hold a pitcher of beer and you're basically wrestling each other to try to get them to spill the beer oh wow, yeah I don't.
Speaker 1:It makes no sense. The loser can still get points by chugging the winner's remaining beer. There is the uh, this is a good one, and this one actually feels like it even happens here locally. Um, at times it's the hurricane Aisle Brawl. It's like medieval jousting, but in shopping carts, if no one falls out, you have to fight it out for hurricane supplies. So you've got two people in grocery carts coming at each other.
Speaker 1:That'd be awesome Human beer pong. You wear a big inflatable bubble and have to get past someone. Then jump in a pool that looks like a red solo cup. The loser has to chug beer. Um, I can see this thing. I'm a national thing they do other stuff like lawnmower races. Instead of a mechanical bull they have a mechanical gator, and uh what uh? Competition would not be complete in Florida without the best mullet contest.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, Got.
Speaker 1:to have it. There you go. Florida Games They've announced that there will be a Florida Games 3.
Speaker 2:Nice, you got to Look at that. Oh, look at that.
Speaker 1:Get in there. Look at all the people Look at this. Oh wow, yeah, this is. Oh what at this? Oh wow.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this is oh.
Speaker 1:What is this?
Speaker 2:That looks like the sumo. Oh, there's the police chase.
Speaker 1:This is the greatest thing ever, oh.
Speaker 2:Busted.
Speaker 1:Does that mean, he lost?
Speaker 2:He lost.
Speaker 1:Obstacle race. Anyway, there you go. Florida man Games. It's going to be an annual event. Now you can. This is the kind of shit. I want to make just enough money doing this podcast. There's the catalytic converter. I just want to make enough money that I can go and watch this for free. All right, all right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, let's go down there and do.
Speaker 1:All right, you guys ready for your second story.
Speaker 2:What do we got?
Speaker 1:Well, you know, everybody talks about how violent the NFL can be. Yeah, but how about the fans of soccer in Europe?
Speaker 2:Oh, those guys are brutal yeah.
Speaker 1:Two weekends ago, a match between the football club Taxi Duisburg II versus Rottweiss Mulheim. Okay, I got those right, I took German. They were in the German 8th Division. The match between the two had to be canceled. Apparently the official Stefan Gahler, he was checking out players before the event started. It's something they've got to do in the lower league. Have you heard the story? No, oh, you're laughing already. I can't because you've got to check out the players before. Have you heard the story? No, oh, you're laughing already.
Speaker 2:Okay, because you gotta check out the players before they go on the field.
Speaker 1:They said they gotta make sure that they do pre-game id checks the players and, uh, they said it's a common in low division soccer to ensure everyone is who they claim to be. Gotcha, you know they don't want to get a ringer out there, but uh, while stefan is out there checking out the, uh, the, a small child ran onto the field, ran up to the referee and bit him on his left testicle.
Speaker 2:Oh no, he goes.
Speaker 1:While I was checking the FC taxi player's ID, a small child was doing warm-up exercises alongside the players. He came closer and closer to me. Then suddenly, to my complete surprise, he gave me a sharp bite in my left testicle. He went on to say that he couldn't start the game because of the pain he was in and the match had to be rescheduled for a later date. Now, andy floyd oh wow, I know uh, andy is a has been a soccer official.
Speaker 1:I'm not sure if he still does that or not, but he used to do it for my kids. But, uh, I do. This is like. Is this, is this like? Like I was thinking of? What's the movie out of the 80s?
Speaker 2:Lean on Me, oh yeah, or Stand by Me, stand by Me.
Speaker 1:Where it's like chopper, sick balls, like who trains their kid to just randomly walk up and bite people on testicles.
Speaker 2:You see him out there, walk up, do it, oh my, on testicles. You see him out there, walk up, do it, oh my.
Speaker 1:God.
Speaker 2:I mean, I've heard of kids being called ankle biters, but never Crotch biters. Oh my God, Crotch goblins yeah, what do you do?
Speaker 1:at that point too I'm gonna ask a serious question. This is 100% serious. You're standing there as an adult today, okay yeah, and some kid walks up to you and bite you on your nuts cry.
Speaker 2:Do what do you look like? What? What in the world? Yeah?
Speaker 1:how do? You not have like a slip reaction and you know slap a kid well, I'm gonna tell you right now as a guy, I can't imagine what it would actually feel. I've never had fortunately a testicle bitten in my life.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, I'm gonna stay away from that'm telling you right now.
Speaker 1:You can graze it with the slightest fingernail and it will drop me to the floor for 10 minutes, where I feel like I'm going to vomit, right, so I'm going to tell you. If that kid bites it, it don't matter, he's going straight down. He's getting a four. Oh my gosh. I, oh my gosh. I just can't imagine that would be quite the game report filed by that ref.
Speaker 2:Too many balls on the field.
Speaker 1:Do you think he took pictures? Oh yeah, for medical purposes obviously yeah, this left one is a little more red.
Speaker 2:See, this is what it looked like the day before when I took a picture.
Speaker 1:Here's the story out of Tennessee. A dog owner there says he was shot in the leg by his pet while laying in bed with a female companion.
Speaker 2:Jealous.
Speaker 1:Dog runs in. What the fuck? What are you doing? I told you I was sleeping in the bed. According to a press release from You're doing it wrong, that's not doggy style. That's style. We just call that style. What is that? Face-to-face gross stuff.
Speaker 2:We call that human style.
Speaker 1:That human style is gross.
Speaker 2:How is she even doing that? Looking at the faces you're making.
Speaker 1:According to a press release from the Memphis Police Department, officers responded to a man's home. A press release from the Memphis Police Department. Officers responded to a man's home and he said that it was an accidental injury. Shortly before 4 am on Monday, March 10th, the man allegedly told officers he was laying in bed relaxing and talking with his female friend when his dog jumped on the bed and got his paw stuck in the trigger guard and ended up hitting the trigger.
Speaker 2:Where was the gun at?
Speaker 1:Apparently, he keeps it under his pillow. Okay yeah, I've never had to sleep with a gun under my pillow.
Speaker 1:I feel good about that. The man who has not been identified was grazed in his top left thigh Now, although the man's female friend allegedly left the scene with the gun following the incident. The scene with the gun following the incident, the memphis police department said that the officers were able to locate one spit shell casing on the front room floor. First responders arrived on the scene were able to clean the man's womb before taking him to a local hospital at the non-critical condition I feel like this sounds a little sus.
Speaker 2:I think think she shot him.
Speaker 1:Oh, it had nothing to do with that dog.
Speaker 2:No, she shot him and blamed it and he's just like oh cover up for her.
Speaker 1:Let's say the dog did it. Oh man, he's like. I get blamed for the farts and the shootings. Some of the farts are me, but I didn't shoot anybody. It's bullshit. I'm catching a rat for nothing. My bowl is empty I thought we're going for a walk, motherfucker.
Speaker 2:Oh man, I got shot by my dog yeah, like why would you take the gun unless it was?
Speaker 1:right yeah, that's us unless the gun's, I don't know where that dog got it. You gotta watch them dogs, man. They come home with weapons and shit All the time, all the time.
Speaker 2:My dog is a weapon.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I have all the scars and bruises to prove it.
Speaker 1:Those high-energy dogs, man. All right, Okay, this one comes to us from the great state of North Carolina. Yeah, A 51-year-old man in North Carolina had to call 911 on Monday. This was two weeks ago. He says I've been locked in a storage unit for about a week now and I just found my phone.
Speaker 2:What in the world?
Speaker 1:Yeah. The operator asked if he was still stuck inside. He said, yes, my girlfriend locked me in here. She doubled up my lock. I just need out of here. I can't breathe. I haven't had nothing to drink or anything. Emergency crews rushed to the unit, freed the man. Rushed If we were doing edits at home. It's so funny, like Amanda and I will be watching something. I'm like, yeah, yeah, they fixed that in post production and since, like now she's anyway, um, emergency crews rushed to the unit, freed the man and got him to a hospital for treatment he was dehydrated, but there's another one.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, he was dehydrated but he'll be okay. Uh, investigators say the couple got into an argument and she told him to get something out of the back of the unit. He crawled there, she slammed the door and shouted this is what you get, Locked it and left and never went back. This was on Thursday. It took him until Monday to find the phone. She had left him in there.
Speaker 2:the whole time. I can't believe that phone was still charged.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no doubt.
Speaker 2:Oh, he would have really been screwed.
Speaker 1:Oh man. One official says they truly believe she intended for him to die inside. The unit is described as a hoarder's paradise, as it was so stuffed with things that they started falling out when the police forced it open. So it makes sense that the guy lost his phone and spent days trying to find it, because it was completely pitch black in there.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, Not unless you get a good one with a name?
Speaker 1:Oh, I bet it's. Was it like an?
Speaker 2:outside one, or was it like a humidity-controlled one?
Speaker 1:I don't know, oh no, the girlfriend, a 52-year-old named Robin Deaton, was arrested and charged with attempted murder and kidnapping.
Speaker 2:Oh nice, Do they have a picture of her or no?
Speaker 1:Right there, look at that.
Speaker 2:Oh no, That'd be miserable. I want to see what this chick looks like, though, Like what this couple looks like.
Speaker 1:Well, they're hoarders first of all, oh.
Speaker 2:Well, they're hoarders first of all, yeah.
Speaker 1:I mean, isn't it funny in your mind, like I'll be honest with you, um, I hear this story and Amanda and I were just watching an SNL skit about it and like you can hear like the details of a story and in your mind you know, this is like I think, two white hillbillies Just fighting. Oh my.
Speaker 2:God, that's right you know what?
Speaker 1:I'm pretty close, oh yeah. Oh, my God, she's a killer.
Speaker 2:Hey, babe, look at those eyes. Hey, can you go back there and look at something for me please? Oh my God.
Speaker 1:Go ahead and get that frying pan for me Locked it in.
Speaker 2:I'm saying you know it's locked up, oh man.
Speaker 1:The guy's done for. The guy has since tried to change the story, claiming that she accidentally shut him inside. Oh man, see, and I'll say this, this is one of the things. No, no, this is all seriousness. Domestic violence I mean. For the most part, you always think of men on women, but it happens in reverse. And this guy clearly I mean the fact that he's trying to change the stories and the police actually believed he was a victim of domestic violence.
Speaker 2:She tried to kill him. She tried to kill him, yeah.
Speaker 1:Well, now he's got the house to himself.
Speaker 2:And all that good stuff.
Speaker 1:Right, all, right. Now where's this one, oh Florida.
Speaker 2:Florida, Go back to Florida folks.
Speaker 1:I'd love to hear from our viewers right now have you ever had a relationship that, when it ended, that it went bad? Uh, no, I'm asking you guys too, like, like vandalism or or? Um, I got a buddy in town Uh, his initials are DB, love the dude. He told me a story one time where a uh, a guy was cheating on his significant other and he found out about it and he went and wrote his name on a baseball and threw it through his front window, but threw it through the wrong window. It was like the neighbor's house, right?
Speaker 2:Oh no.
Speaker 1:That's kind of what this is about. Oh boy, yeah.
Speaker 2:Got the neighbor in trouble. I swear to God.
Speaker 1:Leave me. No, I ask because you know, like, as we go through these stories, you know we talk about a lot of like. Just that story a minute ago, this is exactly what I was talking about earlier this lady almost killed this guy. Yeah, right, could have. Yeah, yeah, I will say this I don't feel like I've ever been in a relationship where I was worried about my life.
Speaker 2:Right, no, that's a good thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah Right, I feel like that's a good thing. Dave Meyer said he had his phone. He was just enjoying the peace and quiet. Yeah, he probably was like man, I'm thirsty.
Speaker 2:I got to get out of here. Yeah, I need a beer, I'm done.
Speaker 1:At least let me pack All right. Here's the story. An 18-year-old woman in Florida named Evelina Fabianski was arrested on Wednesday after she and another 16-year-old girl girl, girl, girl girl I jumped ahead to another word set out to vandalize her ex's car. She was furious because he still owed her $700. They spray-painted the car and even threw eggs on it, which you know how much that shit probably cost.
Speaker 2:Right, she owes him now, right, yeah.
Speaker 1:You would rather throw art at it. It's cheaper. Unfortunately for them, they got the wrong vehicle. The car belonged to a neighbor, not her ex-boyfriend. The damage was estimated at about $5,000. Holy cow, wrong vehicle. The car belonged to a neighbor, not her ex-boyfriend.
Speaker 2:The damage was estimated at about five thousand dollars. Look at the car oh wow, now can you imagine walking out and that's not.
Speaker 1:You're not even like oh, I just can't imagine. Can you imagine if that guy was in a relationship and she went out, like you walked out and jp's car looked like that, about some girl writing all over it like your first thought is like I'm what the fuck bro?
Speaker 2:you've seen jp's car.
Speaker 1:It wouldn't look that much different like you wash it something different, something different about your car this reminds me of the big lebowski oh yeah, when he beat up the Corvette. Yeah Right, this is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the Alps, when you meet a stranger in the Alps, oh I love that car. You fuck up my car.
Speaker 2:I'll fuck your car.
Speaker 1:Oh man, oh jeez, this is what I'm saying If you've got a decent person laying next to you man like I don't understand why people are so bad right, right. I don't think she's going to do that to me well then there you go. I think you got a winner I'm not all the toilet paper they call the remote.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the remote batteries out I just got to tighten all the jars now she has to talk to you, right?
Speaker 1:that?
Speaker 2:That's kind of funny there, you go yeah, tighten all the lids on everything. That's pretty good.
Speaker 1:All right, here's the next story. It comes to us from Oklahoma. Cops there released a 911 call after a little kid called multiple times and asked for emergency donuts.
Speaker 2:I gotta love him.
Speaker 1:Yeah, his name is Bennett and he was fine. He was playing with an old phone, that somebody gave him that could still make emergency calls.
Speaker 2:Most of them. You can't, I didn't know this, even though they're not active they can still make emergency.
Speaker 1:Apparently, this kid really likes donuts. He hung up the first time and Work stuff Hang up, just like I did. He hung up the first time and then he called back and kept saying emergency donuts. The 911 operator tried to get his mom on the phone but couldn't. They posted the audio on Facebook and asked parents to be careful with old cell phones. Now good news is Bennett, be careful with old cell phones. Now good news is Bennett didn't get in any trouble. He posted a second clip the next day of two cops showing up at his house with.
Speaker 1:Dunkin' Donuts. I bet you they ate some of them. You got to, you got to try one right. He said my name's Bennett.
Speaker 2:I ain't in it. There it is. I got one of them, old Nokia's. Oh man oh man, it's probably still got like 80% charge too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no shit, you know it's non-destructive, I mean they can shoot it and it would still make phone.
Speaker 2:Look at that, oh, look at that kid.
Speaker 1:I'm going to tell you as an adult that has fought hangovers as a single man, man, yeah, um, there are times when emergency food was absolutely required. Yeah, like we didn't have door dash I, I told him I I got into the habit of ordering dominoes because they would also deliver two liters oh yeah and I'm like I just I don't even want the pizza, I just want the caffeine. I would order it just for the caffeine.
Speaker 2:Oh, nothing, nothing better than a McDonald's Coke after, though, oh, yeah, oh, all right, here's an interesting one.
Speaker 1:What do you got? You know everyone's still talking about the economy, the price of eggs and all that shit, but this just proves there are a lot of people out there that have way too much fucking money. I mean just stupid amounts of money. That's a given. As a guy that collects baseball cards, even, I think this is just stupid.
Speaker 2:I think I read this one.
Speaker 1:The Flamin' Hot Cheeto.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, it looks like a Pokemon card.
Speaker 1:A Flamin' Hot Cheeto. That kind of looks like a Pokemon character just sold in an auction. Fans say it looks like Charizard. It's one of the rarer characters. It's got the name Cheetotard, cheetotard, cheetotizard.
Speaker 2:Oh jeez, anyway, Say that more times, no shit.
Speaker 1:There's a picture of it and it looks like a fucking Cheeto. I don't. I'm sure Kevin can pull it up here. There it is there it is.
Speaker 2:It does look like a dragon.
Speaker 1:I guess it does look like a dragon. I guess Cheeto, zard Cheeto.
Speaker 2:Zard. How much did it sell for?
Speaker 1:It sold for. Let me get the exact figure because there was fees and things too Holy cow. But the winning bid was $72,000. Are you serious? Oh wow, but when you track fees, it was approximately $88,000. This person paid for this. I'm good. Yeah, it was sold on Golden, which they have a series on Netflix now.
Speaker 2:That looks nothing like that.
Speaker 1:No, it looks more like one of the dragons off of.
Speaker 2:It looks like a Cheeto. That made it One of the dragons. Yeah, anyway, it looks like a Cheeto.
Speaker 1:It started at $250, and it made it all the way up to $72,000.
Speaker 2:I wonder what you know what my limit is? $50,000 is my limit, oh yes. For a Cheeto.
Speaker 1:For a fucking Cheeto man. You've got to be high to even look at it and think it looks like something at first. Right, you're like, oh my. God that is a Cheezo Zard, cheeto, zard. Wow, they made that custom case for it and everything, and that's worth $72,000. Well, yeah, you know what it's more like Bowser.
Speaker 2:It does.
Speaker 1:This is a generation that they didn't enjoy drugs right? This is what people in the 80s would spend money on, cocaine, on.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:But nowadays these kids have all this money, they don't know what to spend it on. They buy a Cheeto for 88 grand. That's just silly. Yeah, all right. Now let's get back to florida. Oh, there's so many great florida stories. A um 43 year old woman in florida named uh, here we go there we go nativita, nativita nativita, I Nativita, I think Nativita yeah. I'm going to go with that. Auguste was arrested for aggravated battery after she stabbed her boyfriend. Now, in fairness, the guy they said were arguing over his reluctance to eat her cooking.
Speaker 2:Oh, that bad yeah.
Speaker 1:Unfortunately, there's no word what she made. It was probably meatloaf. Oh that bad. Yeah, unfortunately there's no word what she made. It was probably meatloaf. Oh yeah, he told police she was swinging an eight-inch knife at him. It gashed his forearm when he tried to defend himself. She admits they were arguing over her cooking, but says she struck him with a napkin holder. In any event, the guy will be fine. He received stitches and was released. I'm gonna guess that she went to jail. No, I, it's overcooking, just wow. Have you ever made something that uh for a spouse that you didn't?
Speaker 2:they didn't eat it and piss you off no ever you've had my cooking, yeah but I'm just saying there's got to be times you make something that isn't any good no my ex-wife one time um, she made a, uh, she made.
Speaker 1:it was like in a crock pot, right, it was chicken breast, okay, okay, with carrots and potatoes and cabbage, and that was it. There was no salt, there was no pepper, there was no bouillon, there was no pepper, there was no bouillon there was no, it was just boiled chicken, right, okay.
Speaker 1:And she cooks it and her mom and they all cook like that, right, it's just horrible. And she made a plate and I mean it's funny. Now, as an older guy, I'm like I don't know, man, maybe this is why people eat hot sauce on shit. Right, Like maybe I should have done something a little different.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, but I made like a sandwich or something. I'm like I just don't enjoy it, Right, Right. Well, the kids saw me, my son, and he was little like five, six. Now he doesn't want to eat it. Oh, no, and then yeah, and then it was just you know one thing. And now I know like you should just like put hot sauce off to the side. But this is how this is you know how like you, don't you like spicy food. Right, I do you spicy. Does your lady friend like spicy?
Speaker 2:No, no, okay, ketchup's spicy right now.
Speaker 1:That's what I'm saying, right, yeah, my ex, well, spicy right now. That's what I'm saying, right, yeah, my ex, well, my current one, um, it's all it's like, uh, it's, you know, it comes. It's like before we go to a restaurant, we'll order food it's. It's spicy, spicy this is when you know you've become neutered as a man. Is that I? Love chili and I make chili, right, oh yeah, and I don't put any seasoning in it, and she, she'll be like, oh, that's spicy.
Speaker 2:I'm like I don't know. It's tomato paste. I don't know what to tell you. That's ketchup paste, that's called acid that's in a tomato.
Speaker 1:I don't know what to tell you.
Speaker 2:I'm a little spicy, I'm not.
Speaker 1:Well, see, I have to scoop it out and then season my own little bowl, and that's when you know you're of a fish.
Speaker 2:Oh, I still do that. I still Because the kids eat it. But I make mine with Bloody Mary mix and Spicy V8.
Speaker 1:Oh no, I'm talking about like I make a big pot of chili, yeah, but I can only spice the part I can eat. You're eating, yeah.
Speaker 2:I still spice it up more in my bowl, yeah, and see JP, like he got the Rotel with the ghost peppers in it and put that in the chili. And I like spice, but I still had to put some sour cream in that bad boy. Tone it down a bit.
Speaker 1:I didn't bring the story, but I read one. I think it was a guy in Canada and I'm going to butcher the number, but it was like 30 ghost peppers he ate in under five minutes for a world record. Wow, Can you imagine?
Speaker 2:what that shat felt like the next morning. I'm sure he had his stomach coated, but that ain't gonna help, oh my god, you'd have to wipe your butt with like a snowball. Yes, you just set the tub the whole day.
Speaker 1:Oh man, you just buy a bomb, pops, you get that. They kind of up in. You just sat there with that bidet and just could you stick tums in your ass like an enema oh shit, that is a lot of ghost peppers man yeah, that'd be all right, thank you all right.
Speaker 1:This one comes to us from texas. A 32 year old man there, uh, jathan gilder, attempted to steal $1.3 million worth of diamond jewelry from a Tiffany Company in Orlando last month, so I guess this is still in Florida. On his way out he got into a scuffle with employees and dropped a ring, but he got away with two sets of diamond earrings. One was worth $160,000. Jeez O'Keefe. The other pair was worth $610,000.
Speaker 2:Why did they have them out of the case? Yeah, right.
Speaker 1:Maybe they got them out for him to look at.
Speaker 2:Both sides at the same time $610,000.
Speaker 1:It's got to look like a doorknob. Right, I'll tell you what.
Speaker 2:I'd buy that right now for $1,000. You give me special pricing. That's why they got crap all over it, man.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'll clean it myself. He jumped into the suv and tried to drive away all the way back to texas, but the police tracked him down a few hours later. They took him into custody and, uh, he thought if he swallowed him he'd be okay. He swallowed the two sets of earrings. They didn't fool anybody. So there you go now.
Speaker 2:I want to know anybody out there nursing field like is that gonna cut him up? Is like the prongs in the back they, uh, so there you go they.
Speaker 1:They found it as they did a scan of him going into the system, so just gonna? He asked. He goes am I gonna be charged with what was in my stomach? I guess he thought if he ate them and they didn't see them, then he wouldn't get charged with them. I mean, think about it. He had $800,000.
Speaker 2:He had an $800,000 turd coming out. He definitely sipped into that.
Speaker 1:That's got to be the most expensive turd ever.
Speaker 2:Wait for that little ting ting.
Speaker 1:Sport a little ting ting. Oh man, he's so lucky he shit diamonds. He got that wow he got that poo poo platter oh man, well he's in jail. They're gonna help loosen that up. He'll be fine, it'll come right out of there it'll slide right out of here.
Speaker 2:He's gonna pierce somebody.
Speaker 1:Ouch, oh my god he can shit a diamond mine when he gets done. Yeah, hey, uh, all right, it's a sinus season. Yeah, as you can hear in my own voice, that means, uh, you know, every now and then somebody digging around in their old nose. There they get a little boogie. Boog happened in china. A man in northern china had to be rushed to surgery, though he picked his nose so hard he hit an artery oh yeah, now minor nose bleeds from picking are common.
Speaker 1:But yeah, how hard do you have to get up in there to get to an artery, artery up in that thing.
Speaker 2:Uh, they're way up with a fingernail or something. What's he sticking up there?
Speaker 1:He put it on his Freddy Krueger mask or glove before he did it. Now here's the best part about it we're only hearing about it because his wife shamed him for it online. She posted a video on China's version of TikTok and revealed he's a compulsive nose picker who refused to stop picking. The video is in Chinese and he's laying in the hospital bed while she mocks him for not listening to her. Turns out they had to replace the torn artery.
Speaker 2:He's okay, but I didn't even know this was such a thing You've got to really get up into your sinus cavity. You're definitely digging for gold there, yeah.
Speaker 1:Oh, to hit an artery. Oh, that's crazy. Good night, all right, I think that's. That might be the last one.
Speaker 2:Was that the last one, that was?
Speaker 1:the last one. Well shit, we can do the one about. Well you do.
Speaker 2:You've got a couple. I've got a couple here. I sent you in. I just thought.
Speaker 1:I definitely want to see the video of the car chase.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Kevin can pull that one up. I've seen a video of it. I was just looking for news stories as well. It's great it's over in, Let me find out where it is. It's great it's over in, let me find out where it is Close. I believe Sheffield. Oh nope.
Speaker 1:Playing the video.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know, Ah new, it's. An unusual police chase with a wheelchair goes viral. Yeah, it's online. Onlookers were left baffled and, after witnessing an unusual police pursuit in Sheffield it says overseas a police car was seen attempting to pull over a woman using a three-wheeled motorized wheelchair on Whedon Street near Meadow Hall Shopping Center on the 26th of January. Oh, if this is it. Watch this little. This is it Watch this little scooter is booking there she goes. I'm just going at it.
Speaker 1:I just thought oh my God, it looks like Mario Kart.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the video is showing her evading the police. Kart twice she's going to start throwing some banana peels.
Speaker 1:I want to see him do a pit maneuver on her.
Speaker 2:Look at that. She scooted right back around. That's when you just turn around and go back the other way, Like come on now.
Speaker 1:I want to know what this? I would use that for personal use. Yeah, I don't even need it for any reason. That's an American thing to say.
Speaker 2:Right, there isn't it. South Yorkshire police said a 33-year-old woman had attempted to steal goods and was trying to be dealt with. Look at her, here she goes. Oh my god, that's impressive, that is hilarious, you know it's funny she drove her own getaway car yeah, yeah, literally.
Speaker 1:And the best part, this was like a you know, what I love about the world today is the fact that the only reason we know about this is because everybody pulls their phone out when crazy shit happens yeah, and this is a 24 year uh, 24 year old law student that recorded this that's what it's just like. Oh shit, like I've gotta get video for this. Yeah look, I'm impressed by. Look at that.
Speaker 2:I was telling you maneuvering man, I know where you're going.
Speaker 1:All right, let's show them the next one, this one, what's this one? From Texas, part of it, yeah, the county fair, human, cannonball, human.
Speaker 2:Cannonball seriously injured after a gust of wind makes him miss his net. Oh jeez.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:A sudden, unexpected gust of wind tragically altered his performance. A GoFundMe page has been started for this gentleman. A human cannonball has been seriously injured after an accident at a county fair in California. California I think he's from Texas, but this guy has been all over the world. He did it at the Olympics, he's done it everywhere.
Speaker 1:It may be the result of the career that he has, but part of the reason that he has a gofundme page is this guy is a human cannonball but does not have health insurance it says on sunday, march 2nd, chachi, the rocket man valencia, was appearing, appearing at the uhide County Fair and National Date Festival in. Indio. That's a successful one. That's a successful one.
Speaker 2:I was like oh, when a sudden unexpected gust of wind, tragically altered his performance.
Speaker 1:He hits it and then bounces, slides, yeah, towards the end.
Speaker 2:During his act, a strong gust of wind caught him mid-air, causing him to miss the safety net. He struck the side of the net. It catapulted him out and unfortunately landed on the asphalt.
Speaker 1:I want to know how many people there actually wanted him to miss.
Speaker 2:You know, there was somebody in there who was like holy shit, he did miss, oh don't tell me that when people do. Oh, there, it was Right.
Speaker 1:When people do oh there, it was Right when people do like Evel Knievel back in the day there were people that wanted him to screw it up. There's people that watch NASCAR races, just waiting for the wrecks, just waiting for the wrecks.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's why I used to go to Bristol and then they changed the track and it's like rah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he's a sixth-generation circus performer man.
Speaker 2:I don't remember anything until I was in the ambulance on my way to the hospital.
Speaker 1:Have you ever had a moment where you've been concussed and blacked out, like have a moment of your life where you don't remember parts of it? After drinking yes, yes, drinking Isn't that scary that?
Speaker 2:is, I did what.
Speaker 1:No, he's raised over $10,000. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I just want to know how much oh he says he wants to return to the sky.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:I wonder how much he'd charge me to let me do it.
Speaker 1:You want to do it? Yeah, I'll do it. What's that?
Speaker 2:He's going to meet Jesus up there next time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he is.
Speaker 2:He keeps that up he doesn't have health insurance as a human cannonball. Well, who's going?
Speaker 1:to insure him. That's what? Uh, that's a good point. I don't know, man, you think you'd write that into the performance clause, right? Yeah and I guess they had canceled it for a few days because of the winds. Yeah and um, you know hell, let's just do it. The rocket man when the rocket man says he's going, he's going, he's ready to go. That's thumbs up man. Look at him. He's like I'm going to climb in this tube and see what happens.
Speaker 2:Oh man, yeah this guy has performed all over the world, so you know I mean.
Speaker 1:His name is so funny Chachi.
Speaker 2:Chachi.
Speaker 1:What's up, Chachi Rocket.
Speaker 2:Man, you want to impress me? Shoot him into a wall. Come on now, right.
Speaker 1:I didn't say how close the wall had to be.
Speaker 2:Have you ever seen like those where it's like you jump on? Like a trampoline or whatever, and you have an outfit that you stick to a wall, oh yeah.
Speaker 1:It'd be like Velcro. That's like rich people darts right people like that buy eighty eight thousand dollar cheetos, yeah, yeah that's a lot of cheetos yeah, you'd hope it'd be a lot of cheetos. Anyway, that's all right.
Speaker 2:All right, I think that's what we got for tonight I'm telling you, people are being good like we don't have stories of people getting beat with dildos anymore nothing we'll have to do uh, see if we can get a roundup you know past stories and see if anything else happens.
Speaker 1:You know that's a great idea and I've thought about looking into like past from the history like old school stuff. Yeah, and the other thing I've thought about doing is like making up one fake story and then let you guys figure out which one in that.
Speaker 2:It might be hard to do. Just say a florida man a florida man you're like.
Speaker 1:Well, that's probably true it's probably true. Yeah, well, I mean a kid bit, a guy on a testicle. If I wrote all those stories tonight you would have probably guessed that's the fake one yeah, yeah yeah, nope, nope. How about if I wrote a story about a dog that shot a guy?
Speaker 2:see, maybe it would be, it would be very difficult.
Speaker 1:It'd be the normal one, you know. Oh, anyway, I love it all. Right. Well, thanks again to everybody for tuning in tonight. Yes, thank you. Thanks again to kevin, thanks again to our patreon sponsors. Um, we've got more and more trivia coming up. Uh, we've been working at the elks. We've got two more of those. Uh, we just found out this week we're going to start doing some events at the moose.
Speaker 1:So, um, hey, we have the vfw coming up, yeah I mean, if you've got an animal, a club named after some sort of north american mammal, we will come.
Speaker 2:If you've got a absolutely you know, like the water buffalo royal odor of the wolverine, whatever yeah, you have a bar called the horn dog or something.
Speaker 1:Okay, come on now is that a strip club? Do you want to do one of these strip clubs?
Speaker 2:no, you'd find me on stage again.
Speaker 1:Oh no, my job, yeah, anyway, alright, we will be doing trivia. Follow us on facebook, uh, for more information on our upcoming events. Thanks again to everybody. We say it at the end of every show it is by far the most important thing. We spay, uh, spay, say, say spay, your spay. A new to your speak, your words.
Speaker 2:I'm telling you, man, you know, that's why it's called After 2 Bears, that's right.
Speaker 1:That's right, you know, and that's the thing we do. This entirely ad lib.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:You know other than the reading of this and you can watch when a news broadcast when they lose their teleprompter.
Speaker 2:They suck at it.
Speaker 1:They suck at it. We have a skill set.
Speaker 2:You have a skill set. You have a skill set.
Speaker 1:We're just along for the ride, buddy, yeah, anyway. Uh, look my mom's out here just throwing out richmond connections. Gotta love it. Uh, I actually know that guy. I worked at belden too. So small community, what's no way anyway. Um, do me a favor, it's. It's getting beautiful out and automatically I feel better about life. I am not a guy that does winter very well at all.
Speaker 2:I don't either.
Speaker 1:I struggle with it and it is what it is. But regardless of that, you know I've learned that some of the most trying things in my life are the random shit that happens on a Tuesday that you never saw coming.
Speaker 2:Oh, the unexpected yeah.
Speaker 1:And so you don't know what everyone in your life is currently dealing with. But, uh, if you see someone that, uh, that you feel like they're struggling and they just don't seem like themselves maybe they got some family drama that you're you're aware of Just uh, just reach out, reach out to them, ask them how they're doing or how they've been, or just let them know you care about them and appreciate them. You'd be surprised how something so small might mean the absolute world to them. All right, we will be back in two weeks to do this again and we'd love for you to tune back in, absolutely yeah.
Speaker 1:So I guess, without further ado, Puddin Gibbler, we will talk to them all next time.
Speaker 2:After two beers. Take me home, take me on home.