After 2 Beers
The After 2 Beers podcast covers random topics discussed with your family and friends at a bar, around a bonfire, etc. when you’ve had a couple of drinks and begin trying to solve the world’s problems or the song lyrics you forgot from your teenage days.
After 2 Beers
#166 After 2 Beers: Voting Woes, Corn Sweat Curiosities, and a Cop Who Couldn't Hold It
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Ever wondered why voting decisions can seem so daunting? Join us as we kick off the episode reflecting on the complex priorities that shape our choices at the polls, from the economy’s rollercoaster to securing a hopeful future for our children. We mix in some fun with our drink of the week and dive into a hilarious "Am I the Asshole?" scenario that you won’t want to miss. Plus, get ready for some wild stories that include an unexpected river plunge and an unforgettable mishap at a Kenny Chesney concert – laughter guaranteed.
Have you ever thought about what your ideal funeral would look like? We certainly have! With a touch of humor, we explore the idea of making funerals more enjoyable, discussing everything from traditional services to lively celebrations of life. Want to avoid the summer humidity? We’ve got you covered! We chat about the quirky phenomenon known as "corn sweat," share random fun facts like the "bacon gene," and reminisce about RL Stine’s days with Bazooka Joe. And ever wonder why white dog turds have vanished? We’ve got the scoop on that too.
Relationships can be a battlefield, especially when it comes to sharing snacks. We share our own funny and frustrating experiences of hiding junk food from significant others. Wrapping things up, we bring you some jaw-dropping police misadventures, including a couple’s SUV ending up in a river and a cop’s embarrassing moment at a Kenny Chesney concert. Lastly, we touch on the importance of mental health, encouraging everyone to support each other through life's challenges, especially in these turbulent times. Tune in for a blend of humor, nostalgia, and thought-provoking conversations that promise to keep you entertained from start to finish.
Welcome to the After 2 Beers podcast. I'm Dutch Dalton, joined as always by Kimmy Gibbler. That's me and Mr Summers. Michael, what's going on?
Speaker 3Oh, buddy, Just literally finishing up the show literally, as we are live on air as soon as it hit. Live yeah.
Speaker 1Yeah, it's all right. So if you haven't watched the After 2 Beers podcast, uh, or listen to us. Basically, we we have a couple drinks and then, um, we just converse about things that you would talk about with your friends, your family. Um, dark community, mr morrison and um something just pops up when you're drunk yeah, you want to get everybody's opinion right, exactly, but we're going to try to do it without arguing or losing friends on facebook, at least you two.
Speaker 3Yeah, we may lose some. I might be a religion, I'm out. No politics, no religion.
Speaker 1Yeah so, uh, coming up on tonight's show, we're gonna talk, uh, I want to talk about politics, not necessarily politics, but um, what, what matters to people that are in this? This is a big year. Oh yeah, I mean there was in the last election. There was 150 million votes cast.
Speaker 4Yeah so.
Speaker 1I think Cast.
Speaker 4Well, that's your seats here we go, here we go.
Speaker 1But I honestly I struggled with this today. I was telling the two of you I had a lot of time behind the windshield today and I was trying to understand what my priorities were on who I would select not just necessarily for president, but here locally as well and I struggled to come up with what I actually cared about.
Speaker 2Right yeah.
Speaker 1And so we're going to talk about that. Yep, next, gimbler is going to share us a drink of the week, and we are not sponsored by Fireball, but it may sound like we are in a minute. You got some giblets. I do have some giblets. Am I the asshole? Yeah, I got one.
Speaker 2Yeah, sweet, I didn't know if we needed to answer that question.
Speaker 1Am I the?
Speaker 2asshole.
Speaker 1Yes, I am one and I got some news stories. A couple were in a car having a good old time in the backseat and they ended up in a river.
Speaker 3Oh my.
Speaker 1Well, Wakanda River.
Speaker 3Well, yeah.
Speaker 1He didn't even know he hit the water. Speaking of that, I also have a story You're familiar with Puss in Boots. Yeah, this is Piss in Boots.
Speaker 4Oh, joe, it makes more sense. All right, kenny Chesney concert, good times.
Speaker 1Oh, yeah, yes, and a high school gym teacher. Well, he got robbed so he called the police and he got arrested. Oh, I can't wait to hear this.
Speaker 2Yes, they still lose, mary Jane.
Speaker 1No, they still wait till you hear this story. All right, we got that coming up. And also I want to know what happened to the love America had for the George Foreman grill.
Speaker 3Right, that was all over the place, yeah and now nothing.
Speaker 1I don't hear shit about it. I looked and you can still buy them, yeah.
Speaker 2Oh, I know people that use them religiously.
Speaker 3Everybody has one now, so you don't need to advertise.
Speaker 2I don't have one, yeah right.
Speaker 3You don't still have one, no.
Speaker 2I bet you could probably go to Goodwill and get one or any garage sale.
Speaker 1Yeah, we'd probably get one Amazon. I have it in my house in two days. Yeah, all right, we're going to talk about those things and more. We appreciate you if you're jumping on and watching us live, if you're listening to us. We greatly appreciate you as well. We're getting lots more increase in listens in Indianapolis, which is cool. Less in Richmond ironically, I think our views are going up in Richmond, though. There you go. You can do us All right, you guys ready to jump into it?
Speaker 3Yeah, what do you want?
Speaker 1to do first. I want to talk about the political things before I get all messed up.
Speaker 3Let's start this out first and then have some fun.
Speaker 2Speaking of losing viewership.
Speaker 1I think people are interested in this shit because, oh yeah, um, like you know I've been, I I tried to snooze a shit ton of people on facebook about a month ago, and I know this because they're all coming back and they're all posting the same kind of news.
Speaker 1Yeah, yeah and, uh, I look at the stuff that they complain about or what they're posting about, and it goes both sides. This isn't a left or right thing, this is both sides. And, um, I realize a lot of the stuff that people on facebook are bitching about is stuff that I don't even worry about. Right, right, and I'm like that's not going to make my decision on who I pick right, and so then I was trying to come up with what is my bugaboos. There's no such thing as the perfect candidate, right? I mean, there shouldn't be. You should not have a candidate that you believe 100% of the things that they do.
Speaker 3Yeah.
Speaker 1Right that that's just blind devotion, that is, uh, I don't know if that's a demo God, but, uh, what are the two or three things that matter the most to you?
Speaker 3or you, my children's future, okay, so that's a great one, yeah.
Speaker 1So because I was going, that's my mindset as well. Right, I'm a late 40s guy, two kids how do I make this place better off? By who I try to elect and put into office? But what is the priority that would make for your children?
Speaker 3have a better future A good economy.
Speaker 1Okay so.
Speaker 3If there's no jobs, there's nothing to do.
Speaker 1So economy, yeah, I think we can all agree with that one. Yes, all right. What's your second one? And so I'll give you an example. The one that I continue to hear about, which has never impacted me or anyone in my, uh, immediate circle, is people talk about border security. Now, I don't disagree with it, right? I mean, I think something has to be done, but it's never impacted my life for me to even make that a priority for me, right? Okay, uh, do you guys have a thought?
Speaker 3I you know, I think something needs to be done like that, like you said, but I mean, but is it a priority for you?
Speaker 1so what is a priority for you?
Speaker 3man offhand, I don't know in that wild one yeah, what do you think about?
Speaker 1well, that's so I I went, I pulled. These are the uh top policy priorities for 2024. This is my favorite research center, the Pew Research. All right, here's the top 10 things that people have expressed as their biggest worries for this year's election. Number one was the economy. I think we can all agree with that. If you have any kind of credit card debt I do I'll be the first to admit it on here. I, uh, I was a single father for seven years, yeah, and uh, I've got kids in college and I've got some debt and, as a result, of the college.
Speaker 3What's that? Where's that free?
Speaker 1college shit. I had to pay mine off. Now I'm paying for his and then, about the time he's done, I'll get to pay for hers. Right, right and uh. But regardless of that, the reason I bring it up is because the economy has been inflation has gone up so much. It's caused the interest rates to go up, yeah, but I want to bring up the grocery prices. People always talk about grocery prices. Oh, it's tripled. But do you really give two shits? Yeah, do you really? It depends on where.
Speaker 3I go especially with my family.
Speaker 2I'm having to hit up a couple different places because it's like you know, I'm definitely shopping Aldi, but then I may have to go somewhere else because there might be a specific item that I'm looking for.
Speaker 1I feel like if you pay money to get your toenails painted, you shouldn't be bitching about grocery prices. No, get your toenails painted, you shouldn't be bitching about grocery prices. I'm not saying you do. I'm saying that in this country we spend a shit ton of money on shit we don't need. Oh yeah, and we complain because our groceries are $50 more right as we're driving to go eat out.
Speaker 3Yeah, Well, honestly, for two of us that's what I was going to say.
Speaker 2For two of us. It's cheaper for us to eat out than it is to buy groceries, oh yeah. Well, I mean by the time you like.
Speaker 1If you want to eat healthy.
Speaker 2So just saying like we had a pitch in for fantasy football draft, spent several hundred dollars on food Easily. I mean, some of that might have been some beer, but See, that gets back, you know.
Speaker 1Uh, here's the other thing money in politics. That's never going to change because that would require the politicians to not want to take money uh health care.
Speaker 1People are never going to agree on that one. Uh, education, which shocks me. I feel like this should be number one. This goes right into what you guys are talking about. Um, we are like 40th in the world when it comes to all of the different things that from science and math, and we suck ass at it. But we are concerned about money in politics, social security, crime, immigration, illegal drugs and the budget deficit. So apparently you got to find whatever makes you excited in life and then focus on it. But I don't know. That's where I'm struggling.
Speaker 3That's a tough one, that is a struggle. Right there, what do you pick? I'm like, yeah, when you look at the candidates, what do you think?
Speaker 2I don't, yeah, you know me, I don't talk about it.
Speaker 1Well, maybe we should Not here necessarily, but I mean, I think there's some value in it. I think the thing that's been weird for me is I've been thinking about this a long time and even regardless of if individuals want to vote for president Trump or if they want to vote for vice president Harris, right, either one I think, deep down, everybody that I know in my life, for the most part, they love this country and so they're voting with their intent of what they think is going to be the best for this country, best for everyone.
Speaker 3Right. But it has become such a competition amongst people, and it's the only time where you, as a middle class person, has the same rights as a billionaire. Right One vote. Yeah, I don't know person has the same rights as a billionaire, right.
Speaker 1One vote, yeah, I don't know. I just I'm interested in it because I think it's. If you look at social media, politics is something that is on the forefront of a lot of people's minds right now. Yes, and I just it's funny to me I sit back as a privileged, probably white, american. That's like I don't even know what's important to me, right, and that's when you know you live a pretty damn good life, yep, and what's wild about that is so many people think the country sucks and I'm like fuck.
Speaker 3I love this place Right.
Speaker 1I'm like I don't want to go anywhere.
Speaker 3I don't want to go anywhere else? Right, it's like you go try this shit, right, yeah, everywhere, not even canada no well, they're pretty good too if it's cold up.
Speaker 2I'm not loud up there. Oh, that might be another story I have to hear yeah, all right.
Speaker 1Well, anyway, that's our uh deep dive into normal shit. Um, yeah, that went over like a turd in a punch bowl. You guys just didn't want to talk about it.
Speaker 2I don't. I already told you I didn't want to.
Speaker 1That's important. All right, Before we get moving forward, I can cut. Oh well, fuck, We'll leave it in. Maybe the guy in Germany will be like oh, listen to these Americans.
Speaker 4They have so much shit they don't even know what they want, right People in every other country.
Speaker 1They're like oh, we'd like free, you know clean water you know, a road a road, a road that doesn't made out of dirt.
Speaker 2And we're like, oh, please give some assistance on education, the biggest the biggest complaints here is a fucking bike path.
Speaker 1You know you live in a city that doesn't have a lot of problems when a bike path is the top one issue when you're voting, oh man Bike paths. All right, here you go.
Speaker 4That's when you know you live in a pretty decent area. It's happening. I'm just saying.
Speaker 1Yeah, anyway, all right, before we get going, I want to make sure we thank again our Patreon sponsors after that part, are we down to one viewer now? Kevin's shaking his head.
Speaker 2yeah, all they all fell asleep in there too, so one viewer, zero viewer.
Speaker 1I can't hear a word he's saying no, oh, we're at eight.
Speaker 2Oh, we got one.
Cooking Appliances and Food Trends
Speaker 1Yeah, there you go, all right. Well, I'm glad you guys stuck by us, because here comes the real show. All right, thanks again to the Patreon sponsors. Visit our webpage after2beerscom it's the number two. Give us a follow on social media and if you want to listen to the audio versions or go back and listen to any of the audio versions that we've done for about the last four years five years they're there. They're there, so you can listen to us on iTunes and Spotify and all those fun places. All right, let's jump into the drink of the week Gibbler.
Speaker 2All right.
Speaker 1Last week you brought us it was supposed to taste like a Tootsie Roll. It was supposed to taste like a.
Speaker 2Tootsie.
Speaker 3Roll and I failed miserably. No, you didn't fail.
Speaker 1No, it was good this one here I like, where you went this week, you went with a shot. Yeah, yes, so that to mix anything.
Speaker 2Exactly.
Speaker 1Next time.
Speaker 2I'll do something fancier.
Speaker 3What's new Seasonal?
Speaker 2This one is just, it was new. In fact, there was only one place in town that has it so far, I think.
Speaker 1Nice, what's the place?
Speaker 2That is the bottle shop down on the 9th Street All right. So Fireball is on the 9th Street. I know right At what age do you add the?
Speaker 1word, the, to shit At the same age that you add an S to the end of stuff Like Meyers, Walmarts, JCPenney's. So what have we got here? We've got Fireball.
Speaker 2So Fireball has amped it up with Blazin' Apple.
Speaker 1Blazin' Apple.
Speaker 2Blazin' Apple, let's get it so.
Speaker 1You guys like Fireball. I love spicy water. It doesn't love me always. I'm not a fan of cinnamon.
Speaker 2I know you don't love it very much. No, I'll drink it and I didn't realize it until you had said it and you're like ah.
Speaker 1About what.
Speaker 2The aftertaste does have a little bit of like I don't know what it is.
Speaker 1It's a false taste. It tastes like, but it tastes like the smell of fall. It tastes like somebody melted a candle.
Speaker 2Go ahead. Like the smell of fall. It tastes like somebody melted.
Speaker 3Uh, go ahead and drink it here we go, I'll be like, oh, there's a new, cheers clink them and drink them.
Speaker 1Yes, yes, it confirms. It actually tastes like if you had a fall potpourri and you decided to make tea out of it. Yeah, that's what it is.
Speaker 3I think you had it right the first time.
Speaker 2Some apple cider.
Speaker 1That's what warm glow would taste like it tastes like a harvest candle that, when it melts, you just pour it in your mouth.
Speaker 2It's got a better consistency.
Speaker 3Oh my God, it tastes like it's better the second time around.
Speaker 1No, I'm waiting for the vodka to kick in to make it better. So what we're saying here yeah, make up your drink.
Speaker 2Discuss your drink there.
Speaker 1Yeah, my drink is just vodka and a Dairy Queen Blue Raspberry Slushy. It's not fancy.
Speaker 2Hey, drink of the summer, drink of the summer, and I've got the drink of the fall.
Speaker 1I just wanted a slushy, for some reason but it's after two beers.
Speaker 3So I got to follow the rules. You got to mix it with something, all right.
Speaker 1Are you guys ready to jump in the show?
Speaker 2Let's do it.
Speaker 1All right, so we had things to talk about. One of the things that I wanted to discuss I don't even know why this popped into my head today, but I'm driving down the road. People use George Foreman grills anymore.
Speaker 2Because we have these expensive smokers in our garage. Yeah, but I mean who?
Speaker 1doesn't love the Foreman. It was so versatile.
Speaker 3You could cook so many things on it. It was a broke college thing. Throw a burger, a dog, chicken breast. Why does it have to be?
Speaker 1I'm a fucking broke adult. It's not just a broke college. Everybody's big into air fryers now?
Speaker 2I don't think that it has much to do with being a broke college kid, but I think it's more like you're only cooking for one or two, just toss it on the foreman, whereas if you don't want to fire up the grill, wait for it to warm up and all of that. Well, how many are you normally cooking for? We always end up way over cooking Right.
Speaker 3That's why your grocery bill is so high.
Speaker 1Josh says air fryers, ninja stuff, we have one of those in the pots. Here's my thing, right, like in the 70s, it was cheese fondue, oh yeah, and so everybody had the-.
Speaker 3Fondues everywhere.
Speaker 1I keep thinking of the Will Ferrell movie Semi-Pro, where they had the cheese fondue. Anyway, the problem is I don't have a lot of counter space and the foreman is tiny and you can stuff it away.
Speaker 3You can put it in the cabinet and bring it back out. I'm sure that's it. Put it in the cabinet and people forgot about it.
Speaker 2I think if you have an apartment or you don't have availability for a grill. I think it would be very handy. Yeah, I think I would still be handy.
Speaker 1Yeah, I'd love to get a listen from her.
Speaker 2Let's bring it back, I will tell you that I've probably used my foreman when I had one, probably more on making like grilled sandwiches.
Speaker 1Yeah, oh yeah, you know kinds of shit with them, like a ham and cheese melt, press it down.
Speaker 2Oh yeah, that way you've got like the little lines in it like a grill.
Speaker 3Yep, dry your socks.
Speaker 2Ew Something.
Speaker 1I didn't say anything about Swiss cheese on my hands. You can make grilled cheese with them.
Speaker 3It's the best yeah.
Speaker 2We have a grilled cheese maker. So, how does it differ? Does it not have the lines the grill marks.
Speaker 3It's almost like a toaster and you make your sandwich, you put it in there and slide it down. It's made by Kraft. Put your sandwich in there, it toasts it on both sides.
Speaker 2Really yeah, and it keeps the cheese in, like, do you have to turn it on the side?
Speaker 3No, it just goes down like a toaster.
Speaker 1So it's just like an extra wide toaster. Yeah, so like a baby toaster.
Speaker 2How does your cheese not melt out the?
Speaker 3bottom it's got a little wire rack it sets in, so you pull them out, okay.
Speaker 1Oh yeah, Look at Amber. Amber wants to talk about it. The boys love it. The boys love it.
Speaker 4It's not like an extra wide toaster actually.
Speaker 3It has like a basket toaster and then it toasted on both sides.
Speaker 1But yeah, it's pretty cool because we had a kid who liked grilled cheese and I wasn't making all of them.
Speaker 3Well, we have that one and we have a hot dog maker.
Speaker 1A hot dog maker, you put, you can put the bun in there and it toasts the bun and the hot dogs go down and it toasts the hot dogs and it pops up.
Speaker 3We got tired of making hot dogs all damn time, make them your damn stuff.
Speaker 1It's just so american, I love it right it.
Speaker 3If there's a need for it, somebody will make it.
Speaker 2How much stuff is on your?
Speaker 3counter that the sandwich maker, the Instapot, the blender, ninja blender, the air fryer.
Speaker 2Right yeah, wow.
Speaker 3So do you have a regular toaster too.
Speaker 2Oh yeah, we have a regular toaster. Yeah, Like I'm just putting my bread in the bread cheese maker.
Speaker 3Oh, it is with five kids.
Speaker 1I also think it's funny that when I brought up politics and shit it was important, no one said nothing and I bring up different ways to cook shit and like people are jumping up in the room. That's stuff I'm comfortable talking about Ponder's all you know pizza, dillas and quesadillas. Oh, yeah. He's all fired up. The big thing now. I can't believe we're talking about this, but this is after two beers. Everybody seems to be jumping on the flat iron.
Speaker 3That Blackstone, the Blackstone, real things.
Speaker 2I think that's what Breakfast is really good on them. I've never had anything off of them. You could do like a, I don't yeah.
Speaker 1I don't. Well, I take that back. My brother-in-law cooks everything on it now.
Speaker 4Really.
Speaker 1Yeah, next to the grill, he's cooking hamburgers on that thing. Smash burger style.
Speaker 4Everybody's into the smash burgers.
Speaker 2Yeah, I was going to say essentially I would make my smash burgers, kind of like a. White Castle slider where you put the onions and then do a smaller piece of hamburger.
Speaker 1You soak the bun in the mop bucket first. Oh yeah, Like they do.
Speaker 2Why is the bun?
Speaker 1always so soggy.
Speaker 3Steam. It's that steam that ain't steam, that is straight dip. It's onion juice. It's onion juice.
Speaker 1What kind of onions are they using that have that much juice? You know what Just?
Speaker 4slap it on the grill.
Speaker 2I've never worked at a White Castle, but I'm just assuming, just ladle it on there.
Speaker 1Just ladle it on there, you go, all right.
Speaker 2Well, that's enough about Foreman Grills, let's jump into shit. Uh, that may be of value to people. Uh, like giblets, like giblets, all right, all right, all right. Okay, I sound like matthew mcconaughey there, didn't I?
Speaker 1let's find my old facts here hey, while you're looking those up, I do have something I want to talk about oh and I'm I'm really interested in this one. Maybe this will go over better in the politics thing. Uh, riding the other day with AJ and her mom's in the car and then, out of nowhere, her mother's low 80s right, she just starts talking about death and more about what happens after death.
Speaker 2Okay.
Speaker 1Whether you get buried or you get cremated. Okay, have you guys? Do you discuss this with your significant others? Have you told?
Speaker 2Josh, what you want, yeah, what do you want? He probably doesn't remember. I totally want cremated.
Speaker 3Cremated yeah. Cremated, Cremated yeah.
Speaker 1Yeah, I'm the same way. Yeah, I heard somebody one time they wanted to about if you can get a hold of genetics or DNA code or whatnot I got enough DNA out there? I'm curious about this.
Speaker 2I would suck as a zombie as much as I've sucked as a human.
Speaker 1Now let me ask, though In your situation, you're not, by government standards, officially married.
Speaker 2Correct.
Speaker 1So who actually has your?
Speaker 2last rights? I don't know, that's weird.
Speaker 1You could be on a machine, yeah. And who gets to make the choice?
Speaker 2I don't know.
Speaker 1You should actually probably look into that.
Speaker 2My parents are both past. I have my stepdad, I've got my siblings.
Speaker 1Maybe your siblings.
Speaker 2I don't have anything written out on who has the say.
Speaker 1Are we at that age where we should be actually doing this?
Speaker 2Yes, yes, yeah.
Speaker 1I agree.
Speaker 2I think that we are definitely at that age. Anything could happen, I mean.
Speaker 3No.
Speaker 1I'm at the age where, if anything suspicious happens, it's my wife. It's the wife.
Speaker 3Yeah, they're going to look at you and go look how he's built.
Speaker 1It's probably natural.
Speaker 3Exactly, that's the problem.
Speaker 1That's the problem.
Speaker 3No this guy, he wasn't hiking, no.
Speaker 1So you just want to be? I'm curious now, like because I think a lot of burial is religious based.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1Right and honestly.
Speaker 2You can go ahead and bury my ashes if you want. You can do whatever you want with my ashes, put them up in a closet.
Speaker 3I don't know. Yeah, but no.
Speaker 2I don't want anybody to have to hold on to them, because then they're just going to be like Collecting dust.
Speaker 1Like what do you do with them Like?
Speaker 4you put them on the mantel.
Speaker 2Like hey, that's the ex up there chilling on the mantel.
Speaker 1I'm just curious what's the average cost for a funeral in the United States now Versus cremation Between 11 and 13. $1,000 to be buried $13,000 to be buried $13,000 to be buried.
Speaker 2Well, I think that probably includes your service.
Speaker 3What does?
Speaker 1Five, 35? 3,500. That's significantly different.
Speaker 2That's a good party you could afford to pay for. Someone else is getting the tab, though, so why worry?
Speaker 1It's still coming out of your shit.
Speaker 3That's true. That's true. Why worry?
The Afterlife and Relationships
Speaker 1I don't know. I feel like it's kind of being greedy, Like why do you need a funeral, like, and buried in the ground?
Speaker 2And I don't need a service and especially like the open casket services. I hate that yeah I hate it because people are like oh well, she looks so nice no, she doesn't.
Speaker 1Yeah, yeah, I think I I've learned as I've gotten older. The service isn't about you, the service is about closure for all the others absolutely.
Speaker 1And it's taken me this long because, like that's my one thing, I'm like I, I struggle, I can be. I've the number of funerals I've been to in my life. I can count probably on one hand, maybe two, and I'm 46. I've known a lot of people yeah and I just do not do well in that situation at all. Right same and uh. But I realize now that it's about closure for those individuals and I love that people are doing like celebrations of life now.
Speaker 1Yeah, that seems like a way, cooler deal like I want to give away, like ps5s and and have fireworks like a cave now you're upping that cost again. Well, you know, but hey, people are going to walk out with door prices, they'll be all right, it's coming up you should be able to schedule your funeral before you pass and invite only.
Speaker 3Yeah.
Speaker 1And it's a celebration. Yeah, then it sounds like one of those things like when you're on a road trip and you're trying to beat the GPS date, when you schedule it and you're like, oh, I want to beat that date If it's expected. If you're terminally ill, schedule it, Invite your people. See, that's the kind of shit I'd love to get into on After 2 Beers. We don't get enough audience feedback.
Speaker 2I'm going to have a 50-50 raffle at mine.
Speaker 1I'm telling you.
Speaker 2Help, pay for it, and then somebody gets to walk away with some money.
Speaker 1I joke to you. One time I said that I want to be cremated, that I want to be cremated. I do want to be cremated. So here it's on video. And, um, I want my ashes to be put in, uh one cupcake one cupcake and I want there to be like a big old thing of cupcakes right, and then on the bottom there's like a picture of me like doing this right and you get prizes like oh man, I got the, I got the Dutch cake, the Dutch cake, you know, like in Fat Tuesday they put the little baby in the baby cake, yeah, the cheese cake.
Speaker 1Get a picture of me going one last surprise for somebody $13,000 to be put in a box that you won't even. I've seen people that want their funeral home, their casket, to have a radio in it.
Speaker 2It costs extra for every chair you have set up at your funeral. Yeah, well then everybody better bring your own chair it's like a bonfire.
Speaker 1Bring your cooler yeah byob baby, all right. Well, hey, might as well enjoy yourself. Uh, partner says what about a do not come to my funeral service list? Now, here's the fucked up part, and I'm not trying to get political, but that has actually happened with President Trump. There were people that have passed that said we do not want him coming to our service. John McCain, there's multiple people, not that I'm out here.
Speaker 1I mean, he's the jettest Our viewers went from eight to two right there. But uh no, that's when you know you're fucking hated. It's like even when I'm dead.
Speaker 3I still don't want you showing up.
Speaker 1That guy's definitely not there, oh man, but honest like I I'm, it's such an interesting topic for me, right? Because how many people would give everything they have right now to see who actually showed up oh yeah, right, or who didn't. Who didn't right, didn't?
Speaker 2have the time. Let's go back to his idea about like the scheduled one and then like have your phone, text people like you know how you can program it and be like it's hot down here Send us that email that's not scheduled to go out, right. Preschedule a text message that goes out and goes hey, help, let me out of here.
Speaker 1Just start calling out names.
Speaker 2I told you I'd see you down here, you, son of a bitch Bitch, I better not see you talking to my man.
Speaker 1I actually all right, this is the last one. Do we still have anybody watching this kind of? We are All right good, we are, that's great, we are All right. Here's a question and I'm legit about this. I'm not a religious guy. I wasn't brought up in the faith. Okay, I'm just being. I'm throwing that out there. I want to say I'm throwing that out there. I want to say I'm agnostic because I realize that there's probably something going on that's way above me. I'm just not smart enough to understand it.
Speaker 3Right.
Speaker 1Okay, yeah, so here's my question, and I asked this to a deacon and his wife that are very involved in the church, and this is a legit question. I'll ask you All right, okay, you're married, uh-huh you? Legit question I'll ask you all right, okay, you're married, uh-huh you've been married for 10 years.
Speaker 1Okay, to the love of your life. Yes, great fucking guy. He passes, uh-huh, maybe cancer, whatever, young, let's say he's 32, 37 years old. You meet another great guy. He's gone. Okay, okay, you two get married. You live for another 40 years with this guy. Right, you pass. Where do you get married? I'm not even talking about that. I'm talking about you go to heaven.
Speaker 4Uh-huh.
Speaker 1Okay, first dude's up there like hey, been waiting on you, good to see you, been missing you, and you're like, oh, I got a story to tell you. I'm missing you and you're like oh, I got a story to tell you and then old dude, because it happens a lot, he passes like a few months later what the fuck happened? So my question is is there one big heaven?
Speaker 3Awkward turtle, I'm serious.
Speaker 1I'm like. I'm not even trying to throw shade at religion on this one, I am legit questioning this. So when that happens, that guy, the second guy, let's say that was his first marriage, his only marriage, and he's been married to you his whole life he comes up there.
Speaker 2Sees you booed up with your ex. Are you, though? I don't know.
Speaker 1That's the shit I'm really interested about, and so here's another thing right. Let's say you're on earth and there's like a group of people that just drive you fucking crazy, but you're nice to them because you're just a nice person, right, yeah, people do, but they fucking love you. So in their heaven, you're in it and you're there for eternity. Are they in your heaven too? You're like God. I got to see this dude for the rest of ever. He moved next door.
Speaker 3How big is this place?
Speaker 1I got's the other thing Do you live on a land with your family or do you still have neighborhoods and you have neighbors?
Speaker 2you don't enjoy, even though you're in heaven. Can you imagine how many of your pets are going to be? Oh my.
Speaker 1God, there's going to be dog shit everywhere. Maybe they don't shit.
Speaker 2Do I still have to mow the?
Speaker 1lawn. No, there's so many questions that. I would but I'm serious on the first one. I'm not trying to mock religion or be sacrilegious here by any stretch. What you believe is you believe and I'm all for it. Okay. I'm simply saying, for those that believe in heaven, I want to know is there one singular heaven where we all go to, or does each individual have their own where we all go to?
Speaker 3where does each individual have their own. Each individual has their own, and then snapshots of every relationship takes part. You're here for a decade, then I'm with them for a decade.
Speaker 1It's community. That's the kind of shit I would want to ask somebody that if I was in a relationship with somebody that was a widower, a widow. Widow. I mean not that there's anything wrong with being in a relationship with somebody that had that was a widower. Is that, yeah, yeah, widow, a widow, widow. I mean not that there's anything wrong with being in a relationship with me with a weird widower, nothing wrong with that story.
Speaker 1Yeah, but what? That should be a first question. It's like I want to know what's up. Is it me or him when I get up?
Speaker 3right, like I'm out of here, should I?
Speaker 1be looking for an eternal partner elsewhere, or like what's it? I'm like we're not mormon.
Speaker 3Oh the answer we were looking for was mormon, mormon, yes, yes no, I'm.
Speaker 1This is the shit that interests me. This is the shit I think about all day when I'm driving by myself. Yeah, there you go. And that's after two Diet Cokes, that's not even after two beers, that's not even after two beers. I think it's just we're all scared that when the day comes, that's it.
Speaker 2I think it's the unknown that scares people the most.
Speaker 1Hell yeah that's why they came up with religion that and to keep people in line. Did I just say that out loud, anyway, why they came up with religion that to keep people in line.
Speaker 2Did I just say that out loud anyway, welcome back after two beers.
Speaker 1Yeah, we're down to one for sure. Uh, josh hunter says bet, there's a custody schedule every other two days when you're with one or the other oh man, I'm serious, I love. Thank you first of all, josh, for commenting, and I shit you not. This is the stuff I think about. It's wild to me because there's no answers. No one's ever been there.
Speaker 2Come back and been like hey, guess what? This is how shit really goes down.
Speaker 1I was at a customer today and he had had a heart attack and was out and they brought him back and then on the way to the hospital he died three more times and he's fine now he's got a pacemaker and life's golden. And I asked him what was it like on the other side? Because I didn't see anything. I was like you seen a light or an escalator. Everybody always thinks it's an escalator. An escalator I want like.
Speaker 4Well, you seen a light or an escalator.
Speaker 1Everybody always thinks it's an escalator, an escalator, I want it to be a high speed elevator. I want to get up there as fast as possible. So he was up there waiting.
Speaker 3Before they figure out what's going on.
Speaker 1Right, I was going to say the escalator might be safer and be like oh man, I just yeah, I need an upgrade. I saw a comedian one time said if a lot of you think you're getting to heaven, you better hope they're grading on a curve, all right. Well, we've run long enough about heaven, all right, I appreciate you, josh, you're the only one that commented Everybody else, just our followers, just cut in half.
Speaker 2All right, I guess I'll do my giblet.
Speaker 1Yeah, let's try that, let's do those.
Speaker 3Hey, it's that apple fireball, just get you talking.
Speaker 2So it's been extremely hot in the area in Midwest this week, and have you guys heard about why it's so humid?
Speaker 1I think it's summer, nino.
Speaker 2Corn sweat.
Speaker 3The Nino, I am the Nino, it's the corn sweat the Nino, I am the Nino.
Speaker 2It's the corn sweat.
Speaker 1The corn sweat.
Speaker 2I've seen it on all of like the news stuff. I've heard this. So corn sweat is evapotranspiration. Corn crops release water vapor from their leaves to cool down. One acre of corn can add 3,000 to 4,000 gallons of water to the air, which increases your humidity. I knew it. And because the midwest, I mean, let's be real, we're a bunch of freaking corn, so yeah, yeah, that's why it's been extra half corn, half beans, right.
Speaker 1That's why I'm a big fan of uh wind fan like wind turbines, because it should cool us down right right, you got extra breeze is that how that works? Those things are not gonna to cool anything down. It'll blow that corn sweat away.
Speaker 2I don't think that's how that works?
Speaker 1You don't think that's how it works?
Speaker 2No, unfortunately.
Speaker 3I don't think other big fans work like that.
Speaker 2So yeah.
Speaker 1I wonder who's got the remote for you. I wonder why people hate on them so much.
Speaker 2If you have 12 million acres in Illinois, 48 billion gallons daily, 72 billion gallons daily, 72 727 olympic pools a day into the air in illinois alone.
Speaker 1Yeah wow, isn't that crazy. That's a lot of sweat, that's a lot of sweat oh, I had a guy of a friend of mine he'd break into sweat at lunchtime he'd be like oh man, this sandwich is hot I sweat eating too, so it don't matter. This meal's almost over.
Speaker 2It was good Instead of the meat sweats, the corn sweats, the corn sweats Gosh. All right, here's one weird but true fact. There is a bacon gene which makes some people able to tell the difference between pork from female and male pigs, and it makes them hate the smell of the latter.
Speaker 3They hate the male one.
Speaker 2So like if they like the taste and smell of the male bacon. If somebody cooks female bacon, I guess they don't like it.
Speaker 3Wow, that's a recessive jinx.
Speaker 2I do not like it yeah.
Speaker 3I like all bacon.
Speaker 2I like it all, I don't care Except for that turkey bacon crap when it comes to my bacon.
Speaker 1Yeah, LBGTQ right here, look at that baby.
Speaker 2I'm a loving everybody. Do not care, just don't give me none of that turkey crap.
Speaker 3We'll set it to Coney and just order a basket of bacon Basket of here.
Speaker 2yeah, um, here's one. Do you guys remember the little books goosebumps? Yeah, yes yep, so rl stein, the writer?
Speaker 1yeah, he, he was the one that wrote the jokes for bazooka joe gum wrappers before writing goosebumps.
Speaker 2Nice yeah, stepping his game up stepped his game up from writing small jokes on the rappers to writing in whole books. Here's a funny one. You guys have played Cards Against Humanity.
Speaker 3Yes.
Speaker 2Have you ever read the rules?
Speaker 1I didn't know. There was rules, there's rules.
Speaker 2So according to the official Cards Against Humanity rules, the player who pooped last goes first as the judge.
Speaker 1How do you prove that?
Speaker 2You probably don't.
Speaker 3Honor system poop poop glass.
Speaker 2Unless you had just done it at the person's house Right shatter.
Speaker 1You gotta take video like an image of it You're like what time was yours? I sent snaps?
Speaker 3out. We're playing this later. Right, I'm sending you a snap on my poops.
Speaker 1Right before you start. Oh, oh, oh, Looks like I'm first.
Speaker 3I'm sorry. I'm using that rule for every game I play.
Speaker 2Right Robly Yahtzee.
Speaker 1Who took a shit last?
Speaker 2Yeah, yep Speaking of poop.
Speaker 1Yeah, oh, no, poop giblet.
Speaker 2So things that you don't realize, that have gone away, but you're like huh. I don't think I have. So you guys have animals, You've got dogs, yeah, yeah, they still poop. Yeah, when was the last time you saw a white dog turd?
Speaker 1I know I don't, I can't say that right it's been years, do you know why?
Speaker 2so, starting in the 90s, dog food companies cut back on the bone meal and added more fiber and actual nutrients to dog food, which makes it better for your dog, okay and then, and then it's fewer white leftovers because it's like essentially like, it's kind of like okay, so you're over calcium. Yeah, it's kind of like if you take a vitamin like a multivitamin and you pee yellow, it's because that's all of the nutrients you didn't need to absorb.
Speaker 1This is the stuff that people talk about when they get drunk at bars.
Speaker 3It is. You know why they don't have white dog poop in them. When was the last time you saw a white turd? You know?
Speaker 1honestly, there was a benefit to the white turd the whiter it was, the easier it was to pick up because the smell was dissipating.
Speaker 2Right, and it would just like dissipate into like white chalk.
Speaker 1Did I just use dissipate on.
Speaker 2After Two Beers Pasta. You did, yeah, we. We definitely use that Precipitated, precipitating.
Speaker 1I still don't even think it's the right word. It is, and I'm sure of it. Oh man, we haven't done this in a while. We used to record these and we'd get so messed up We'd be like I ain't even launching this.
Speaker 3We're not even putting this one out.
Speaker 2All right. Last fun fact. So if you think that you suck at golf, you're a majority. So almost 80% of golfers will never have a handicap under 18.
Speaker 1So what is that? 90.
Speaker 3Shooting a 90. What are you talking about? Play eights are good.
Speaker 1buddy Gibbler asked me to fill in for Josh a couple times this year and the last time we were playing this is how you know you're not that great at golf.
Speaker 4It's like what do we get on that?
Speaker 1And you start driving there, and then the second shot went here and then the third shot about two, five that's a five. When you gotta start adding shit up.
Speaker 3When you gotta turn around and look Okay.
Speaker 1I hit it there. Oh no, Remember the tree. Oh the tree, we did the tree.
Speaker 2Oh yeah, oh, that was your shot, my shot, your shot.
Speaker 1Dave says purple Gatorade turns my, that's your shit. It turns. Poo green, it turns poo green.
Speaker 2Really.
Speaker 3We need to give a bit about that.
Speaker 2No kidding, I'm going to have to Google this now.
Speaker 1According to, Dave Meyer, if you take some shit after drinking purple Gatorade, it turns mine green. Does purple Gatorade, and then the next one would be, and it tastes different.
Speaker 2Oh.
Speaker 3It's not meant to either.
Speaker 2First thing I said is purple Gatorade and it came up. Yes, purple and other blue and black dyes can cause green poop because digestive processes can change the nature of dyes.
Speaker 3There you go Other foods and drinks that can cause.
Speaker 2Green poo include blueberries, grapes, red wine, grape Kool-Aid and soda. Frozen ice pops, cake icing, blue ices, packaged fruit snacks, licorice and grape-flavored Pedialyte.
Speaker 1There, you go Green poote. Well, there you go, green poo. Yeah, dave, take a picture of that and post it on our webpage next time.
Speaker 2No, no, no, no, no Please don't.
Speaker 1I want to see proof of this green poo yeah we'll do it.
Speaker 2The ecto-pooper, hey, and then he can be the judge at.
Speaker 3Cards of.
Speaker 2Community Right.
Speaker 3All right, all right, I like this one. It's something I've done. I think Amber's done it. She's thrown a popsicle away from me just so I couldn't have it one time.
Speaker 1Do you get handicap parking if your handicap is over the 18?
Speaker 2I don't think that's how it works. I don't think they have enough spots you know?
Food Sharing in Relationships
Speaker 1can I speak to that before you get to the? Am I the Asshole? Can I speak to that before you get to the? Am I the asshole? I was at a Walmart today in Southern Indiana.
Speaker 3Anybody want to?
Speaker 1I'm good, I've been drinking, so anyway, and DB, I was watching these people drive around in the Walmart and those motorized carts and I'm like that's when you know you've given up. That's what life is over. You're like I look at some of these people and I'm like you don't even have a broken knee.
Speaker 2I made a terrible joke. Yeah, go ahead, finish yours.
Speaker 1No, no, I was just saying oh, ponder wants one.
Speaker 3Ponder does.
Speaker 1Yeah, Ponder wants one. Come on in here, buddy. We've said if you want to come down and watch us live, hang out with us, you can enjoy the drink of the week. You want a shot of the blue?
Speaker 3Or if you want to suggest a drink of the week, yes, absolutely.
Speaker 2If you want to sponsor the drink of the week.
Speaker 1I had a lady almost run me over in the fucking cart today.
Speaker 2She had to apologize how fast was that thing going?
Speaker 1She came out of the paying area and I was walking towards the bathroom your golden buddy and she whipped it around. She's like doing X game shit right there.
Speaker 2She about hits me.
Speaker 1Took you out. Oh, my bad. I'm looking at her and I'm like what the fuck's wrong with you? You can't get out and walk and buy your scratchers, your scratchers. Oh man, did he fart when he was in here?
Speaker 2I don't think so.
Speaker 1It smells like ass in here now.
Speaker 2I belched. Oh my god. I don't care what you guys do at home, don't bring it here.
Speaker 3Don't bring that shit here, sorry.
Speaker 1She's like. This drink tastes like a dirty penny. I love this shit. Alright, let's do the MI. You love this show? All right, let's do the. Am I the Asshole? You ready for Am?
Speaker 3I the Asshole. I don't know why we're not more popular.
Speaker 2I mean we are to us, that's right.
Speaker 1There was like 15 people watching. Are there? Until I brought up religion?
Speaker 3All right, you guys ready? Yeah, all right. So me and my boyfriend have been together for years and live together. We don't have kids. We're very happy. Good communication. There is one issue that drives me nuts, oh no.
Speaker 3We use a joint account to buy food for us, usually shopping together a few times a month and then one of us picking up things here and there. I cook dinner almost every night and we don't eat a ton of junk, but occasionally I'll buy things we love for the weekend or just enjoy indulge here and there. So when they get high issue is that I go to bed on the early side and he stays up late he gets the munchies full ham on any junk food we have around on any given night of the week.
Speaker 3I'm talking the entire family-sized bag of chips in the entire container of queso. Oh, wow, he is hot Gone in one setting. I was saving for a Friday margaritas. I went to make us root beer floats and a quart of ice cream and two liters of soda Gone.
Speaker 2Oh, wow.
Speaker 3This is after two days. We're already gone. He doesn't ever replace anything. He just gives me a sheepish smile when I ask where the rest of something is, knowing he ate it all. So last night, after clearing up, you know, after cleaning up the kitchen after dinner, I put all the candy shelf-stable in a different place where he wouldn't find them. He found it, didn't he? No, it's a typical guy thing. He didn't look hard enough, probably.
Speaker 1Right, he stumbled. He's like, oh, celery's good.
Speaker 3He went ballistic after I went to bed and all that and all the good food was gone, even though I had just cooked a nice dinner. I told him welcome to my world. As this is constantly happening when I go and have nothing that's been purchased. He said I was treating him like a child and I said he was acting like one.
Speaker 1Oh, that has solved the problem.
Speaker 3I don't care that he indulges but literally finish off. Every bite of something that's been bought for us to enjoy is getting really old. It's not a weight or money thing, it's just I want him to leave maybe one portion of something, or maybe we can enjoy it together. So until he can show me some willpower, I told him I won't be keeping any junk food around for him to gorge, unless something he he has purchased himself part of me thinks this is funny, which is why I think I might be the asshole, but I think he needs to figure out how to share.
Speaker 3figure out how to consume the, not consume the entire lot of food. What do you think?
Speaker 2I think we've all had this situation where it was like what the hell I left that shit in the fridge. Why'd you eat my leftovers?
Speaker 1Leftovers and shit purchased at the grocery are two different ball fields.
Speaker 3Leftovers is fair game.
Speaker 1I think, well, I have a rule in my house, okay, and I mean this sincerely.
Speaker 3More than two days, it's free here 24 hours, 24 hours.
Speaker 1Gotcha, you bring it into the door at 8 pm, at night at 8.02. That shit's free game for me. I'm just saying Because after that you haven't eaten in a day, You're probably not going to get around to eating it.
Speaker 2No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It does not last 24 hours at our house. Don't be lying.
Speaker 1It depends on the leftover, it depends my best to hold to that 24 hours.
Speaker 2And I like to eat my leftovers. I don't want to eat them the next day because I just had it. I want to wait until the second day, usually.
Speaker 3I eat it the next day, yeah, or that night. Save it for work the next day or something no, so I get bored. I get bored with food.
Speaker 2You're a bored eater I can't eat the same thing for a couple days.
Speaker 3I can eat it for at least two or three days. The only thing maybe is spaghetti lasagna chili.
Speaker 1Yeah, but on that note, I love how Kim's like I can't eat anything and then it's like, well, let me get my list. No, there's only a few things that I don't get tired of to wear.
Speaker 2I'm like I just had that last night. I don't want it anymore.
Speaker 3Because there was a popsicle left and I wanted it, but she wanted it left. And I wanted it, but she wanted it. And then we proceeded to fight over it and she threw it on the ground.
Speaker 2You know what? Neither of you got it. No, it was in a wrapper.
Speaker 4I earned that popsicle. It was the last one, and it was for me, and I had it in my hands and the only thing to do was throw it on the ground, keep it away from me. So when you threw it on the ground.
Speaker 1Did you throw it in a place where you could get it? Yeah, so it was still in the wrapper, right, right, but I'm trying to understand your logic, are you? Saying at this point fuck both of us. Or were you putting it in a position where you could get to it Like if you guys were like bad at each other in a movie and it's the one gun did you throw? Said?
Speaker 4popsicle in a location where you could get it. Yes, I could get it better. Yes, it was so that.
Speaker 1I could hip check him and get him out of the way, I can really get to the popsicle. I love the fact that you guys are fighting over the last popsicle. Only in America. Only in America. Baby, only in America.
Speaker 3I freaking love it I don't think she's the asshole.
Speaker 2I don't, is she. I think that's just relationship.
Speaker 3The first time doing it. I think it's funny. If you keep doing it, maybe then you're the asshole.
Speaker 1First of all, it has to start with communication. If this is really such a big deal, you should have just addressed it.
Speaker 3Address it first, before you die.
Speaker 1Hey, quit eating it. Do me a favor, save me some of the queso. If he doesn't, then that's how a guy would handle it. Yeah, like if I lived with a dude like you and ponder, and I brought food in, and he brought food in and you, and then the shit I brought in, you wanted to eat some of it and didn't tell me, you just ate it, I wouldn't give two shit, I really wouldn't. If you ate it all. I might say hey well, I'd be like just save me a little next time or just let me know if you finished it.
Speaker 1There's nothing worse than and I feel for this lady when you get excited about something.
Speaker 2I got some Ben and Jerry's in the mug.
Speaker 3I got some Ben and Jerry's.
Speaker 1I can't wait to get some ice cream.
Speaker 2Can't wait for that leftover and you go in and you're like what?
Speaker 1the motherfuckers have eaten my shit.
Speaker 2I paid the fucking bills and.
Speaker 3I can't eat the leftover rice-a-roni. I love it.
Speaker 1You know what I would say to this lady? I don't know that you're an asshole or he's an asshole. I think you two have a pretty good relationship, If that's the thing that you're going to comment on.
Speaker 2That's the worst thing that you have to fight over.
Speaker 1That's funny and maybe not give him an edible.
Speaker 3I'm telling you right now If you're eating a whole bag of family-sized chips. I'm going to tell you right now I ate a whole jar of pickles.
Speaker 1Drank the juice one night, didn't know it until I woke up next morning. It had nothing to do with marijuana, it had everything to do with alcohol, and the only reason I knew I consumed the entire jar was the jar was sitting there empty, with the lid next to it, and that could have been something.
Speaker 4But then the plastic ring that goes around the lid.
Speaker 1I'm like, oh, my sodium level's got to be good today that's going to be good I didn't pee for three days.
Speaker 2I'm pickled. You drank and ate pickles.
Speaker 3You were definitely pickled, pickled from the inside.
Speaker 1I don't know, I feel like they're pretty good. Yeah, all right, you guys want to hear a couple stories and we'll call it a night.
Speaker 3I like it. What do you got for us?
Speaker 1Golly, this has been the most open show we've had, probably in six years, I think we needed it?
Unconventional Police Misadventures
Speaker 1Yeah, I think so. All right, here's the first one. I love this A couple. Let me see how they want to start this. See, here's the thing. They start off with these goofy jokes and they're not right. I don't want to go that way. All right, all right, here we go. A crew in philadelphia was hard at work on, uh, yesterday morning this was three days ago pulling an suv out of the school cool river. So how to get there? Police say. Two people were at a park early morning getting it on in the backseat of their 2020 Range Rover.
Speaker 2That's a nice vehicle. That is a nice vehicle. How did you knock that dude out of park?
Speaker 1When the woman accidentally hit or kicked the gears. I love the fact that they were so passionately into it. Couldn't even tell. I don't know what body part hit it it was either my foot or my hand. The SUV rolled straight into the water, but luckily they made it out and weren't injured. It's not clear of, uh, what level of undress they were in at the time I'm going to guess they were pretty much, I'm going to say, yeah, yeah, a dive crew had to be called in poo bear poo
Speaker 1bear. No, that's the first thing we do is we take that shirt off. That's the poo bear poo bear? No, that's the first thing we do is we take that shirt off. That's a, it's a guy thing. And uh, a tow company pulled the suv out. It ended up submerged in nine feet of water, 50 feet from the shore 50 feet.
Speaker 2Did they, like dukes of, hazard it out there?
Speaker 1well, I think. I'm assuming maybe the current got a hold of it.
Speaker 3The size of the hill they went down.
Speaker 1Now why were the so Range Rover? These people have money. They probably have a house. They're not married to each other.
Speaker 3are they? I was going to say, are they? I'll be sure this is a I bet they're cheating on each other.
Speaker 2Or they're just trying to be experimental, experimental, trying to liven shit up, I don't know.
Speaker 1Yeah, I like how you're trying to be defensive. Yeah.
Speaker 3I Take that shit to somewhere not near water. Well, why would you go to a park? Yeah, why would you leave the keys in?
Speaker 2I don't know how you can change the gear, because normally you have to press the brake to be able to change a gear?
Speaker 1No, you can just the stick shift in the middle. Oh, you think it's a manual shift. No, I think it could be just the other. They just feel it neutral.
Speaker 2But I don't know, I can't get mine out of park unless I have the brake pedal push.
Speaker 1Well, you own a 2020 Range Rover.
Speaker 2No, and neither do they now. Oh shit, it's a boat.
Speaker 3They turned it into a submarine.
Speaker 1They're like we can take this to see the Titanic Might last better than another one dude a little bit longer, hey, anyway. Um, where's the weirdest place you and josh have ever? What's the weirdest place you've ever Back of a?
Speaker 3Volkswagen.
Speaker 2That's the most uncomfortable.
Speaker 1You have a thing for taste pieces? Huh, Alright, here's our second story. A Rhode Island cop got arrested at Gillette Stadium in Massachusetts last Saturday for peeing on a random woman's cowboy boots at a Kenny Chesney concert.
Speaker 3She probably deserved it.
Speaker 1Yeah well, His name is Shane Lynch and he wasn't on duty at the time, he's just a Kenny Chesney fan. They were both standing in the pit by the stage when the woman felt warm liquid hit her leg turned around and saw Shane with his zipper down. He had a Bud Light in one hand and his junk in the other.
Speaker 2Now, anytime that I've ever seen somebody pee at a concert. They normally have their shorts pulled over to the side and just Let the yeah, good times roll yeah.
Speaker 1Security described him as extremely intoxicated he was swaying back and forth, his pants were wet and his eyes were almost closed. I don't know what's greater if being able to read this story of the fact that this poor guy has to relive this now for the rest of his life, like no one will ever forget that shane lynch, a rhode island police officer, pissed his pants and a woman in the same day uh, they were boots. They pulled him off to the side.
Speaker 1Then, while they were talking to him, he started being a kid he got arrested for disorderly conduct but his case was dismissed after he agreed to pay a hundred dollar in court cost. The woman he peed on said her boots were 180 dollars, smelled of urine and are no longer wearable she wasn't wearing.
Speaker 3This is probably the first night she wore them, oh that sucks.
Speaker 1I feel for her, though. I mean, if you drop 180 dollars on something, even if you only wear it the first time, I don't want somebody pissing on it.
Speaker 2Don't wear it to a concert. R Kelly concert. Oh.
Speaker 3You said R Kelly concert.
Speaker 1It's not clear if I have to pay her back for those.
Speaker 2I hope he does just out of kindness, yes, out of kindness, especially since he got off with a $100 ticket.
Speaker 1The chief of police at his department in Cranston, Rhode Island, said an investigation is underway. Underway Underwear Underway.
Speaker 2Please don't investigate his underwear. They're pretty busy.
Speaker 1They're wet, yeah, and adding that all officers know they are held to a higher standard, even when they're not on duty.
Speaker 3Come on, man, just let me cut loose a little bit. A little bit, it's Kenny Chesney, man Come on.
Speaker 1Come on, man, kenny Chesney, it was on the outside of her boot.
Speaker 3Yeah.
Speaker 1Oh, that's great.
Speaker 3When the sun goes down.
Speaker 1It went down in there. It's in the boot. Her foot was marinating in his urine Her foot. Her foot was in the boot marinating in her urine.
Speaker 2There's nothing worse than wet feet oh.
Speaker 1Except when it's urine.
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying. If it's urine, yeah, definitely Even worse. Oh.
Speaker 1Oh gee.
Speaker 3All right here's our last story. What's that last one?
Speaker 1A high school phys ed teacher got arrested in Texas last Monday. After calling the police, he told them that the hooker he hired had stole his money. It's me that the hooker he hired had stole his money. This is why I love American politics Don't bother me. His name is Rolando Ramos. He's a gym teacher at he was a gym teacher.
Speaker 3He was At Seguroa.
Speaker 1High School in Laredo, texas, right near the Mexico border. He's also the quarterback's coach for their football team. Police showed up and that's when he told them he paid a prostitute for sexual services. He said the worker took a hundred dollars and ran away. It sounds like he wanted them to track her down and get his hundred bucks back, but instead they arrested him for soliciting a prostitute oh geez uh, they did eventually find the sex worker nearby.
Speaker 1It's not not clear if Rolando got his money back or not. The school he works for say he immediately was put on administrative lead. Kyle, put your pants down. Pending the investigation of the outcome?
Speaker 3I think it's pretty much closed. Yeah, he's closed. Yeah, he's closed.
Speaker 1Yeah, yeah, open, shut he's going to be hanging out with that cop, the peeing cop, yeah, the peeing cop.
Speaker 3It's about as bad as calling the cops for somebody taking your money and not giving you your drugs you wanted.
Speaker 1Yeah, but I don't know if you could get in trouble for that.
Speaker 3I would just laugh at you. You can't get soliciting for drugs, can you?
Speaker 2Yes, it's called causing a disturbance or something.
Speaker 1Really.
Speaker 2Yeah. Oh wow, yeah Well, just I can't remember exactly what it says. If you can't call the police for your prostitutes, what can you call them for? For being?
Speaker 3at a place where people are buying drugs To the high school you're working at. No, come on.
Speaker 1I love how the story just randomly puts in that he's also the quarterback coach, right Quarterback coach for the high school.
Speaker 3Yeah, you know he's out scouting. Anyway, alright.
Speaker 1Well, I hope the four of you that watched the show for more than 30 seconds.
Speaker 3Enjoyed it At least. It was entertaining to watch.
Speaker 1It was very open and honest about a lot of things. We hope you enjoyed that. In all seriousness, we do appreciate you hanging out with us watching the After Two Beers podcast. We've been doing this a long time and I'm really trying to come up with any way that I can to get this conversational and get it of interest to everybody, get everybody involved, yeah, just join in.
Speaker 1That's why, throughout the politics thing, obviously we're not that kind of crowd. We are more the Jerry Springer crowd. Apparently there's nothing wrong with that. I just know now where we stand. Yes, so we'll bring more cop pissing.
Speaker 3I was going to say we're more cop pee booting.
Speaker 1I want to find out more information about this Range Rover because I am convinced that is a marital expedition. That is not associated together.
Speaker 2It wasn't a Ford, it sounded like a couple. Yeah, well, yeah, that night they were Well that's true, they were coupling, they were pegging, anyway, anyway.
Speaker 1All right. Thanks again to our buddy Kevin Shook, here at E Studios. He puts up with this madness every two weeks.
Speaker 4God love him.
Speaker 1We'll be back in two weeks and do this again. Actually, yeah, every two weeks.
Speaker 2Right, Do in two weeks and do this again Actually, yeah, every two weeks. Right? Do you know what you guys want to do? Yeah, every other week.
Speaker 1Yeah, maybe I don't know. We'll talk to Kevin. He's really in charge of all this, but he has this phenomenal studio here that if you want to come in and record this kind of madness, he'd be more than happy to.
Speaker 3I'll just come down and see how it goes.
Speaker 2Yeah, the 12th, I'll be out. I'll be pissing somebody's boots on the 12th.
Speaker 1You just want to brag about something you're going to Probably your own boots. You just want to be like.
Speaker 2I want to talk about me. I'm going to go see Posty Probably your own boots. But, whatever you never know.
Speaker 1Gross.
Speaker 1Anyway thanks again to our Patreon sponsors that help pay the bills, that allow us. I got to give Gibbler some money for this blazing apple candle that she gave us this evening. And you know, without further ado, we say it at the end of every show and it is by far the most important thing we'll ever say on the show, and it's simply this Mental health is a big deal, and I was happy to hear at least part of the candidates that are running really start to discuss this as an issue, and you know I was thinking earlier today. They talk about how the country is more divided than ever, and obviously that's not true. Yeah, I mean hell. In the 1800s we literally divided ourselves.
Speaker 3Yeah.
Speaker 1Like we're, I think it's just that everybody has access now to social media, so it's easier to share your opinions, and when you're a keyboard warrior, it's easier to respond to things Maybe not as maybe a little more aggressively than you would if you weren't necessarily on a keyboard, but regardless, one of the things that I think is easy to pick up is when somebody's struggling, and that is one of the benefits of social media, and it's simply this the world is hard, it's very hard.
Speaker 4It's very hard.
Speaker 1And you know, honestly, we do this show just to try to bring a bit of happiness at our expense.
Speaker 3For you If somebody could just laugh at us for a little bit.
Speaker 2This is our therapy though An hour a night.
Speaker 1But regardless, if you see someone in your life that you think they're struggling, at our age people are starting to deal with parents that have to go into assisted living homes. You've got kids that are going away to college and some people don't deal with emptiness very well and all kinds of things Just if you feel like they're struggling, reach out to them, just ask them how they're doing, how they've been, or just let them know you care about them and appreciate them. You'd be surprised how something so small might mean the absolute world to them. All right, gibbler, I think without further ado, we will post it on our Facebook page, but we will talk to them all next time.
Speaker 2After two beers