After 2 Beers
After 2 Beers
#166 After 2 Beers: Voting Woes, Corn Sweat Curiosities, and a Cop Who Couldn't Hold It
Ever wondered why voting decisions can seem so daunting? Join us as we kick off the episode reflecting on the complex priorities that shape our choices at the polls, from the economy’s rollercoaster to securing a hopeful future for our children. We mix in some fun with our drink of the week and dive into a hilarious "Am I the Asshole?" scenario that you won’t want to miss. Plus, get ready for some wild stories that include an unexpected river plunge and an unforgettable mishap at a Kenny Chesney concert – laughter guaranteed.
Have you ever thought about what your ideal funeral would look like? We certainly have! With a touch of humor, we explore the idea of making funerals more enjoyable, discussing everything from traditional services to lively celebrations of life. Want to avoid the summer humidity? We’ve got you covered! We chat about the quirky phenomenon known as "corn sweat," share random fun facts like the "bacon gene," and reminisce about RL Stine’s days with Bazooka Joe. And ever wonder why white dog turds have vanished? We’ve got the scoop on that too.
Relationships can be a battlefield, especially when it comes to sharing snacks. We share our own funny and frustrating experiences of hiding junk food from significant others. Wrapping things up, we bring you some jaw-dropping police misadventures, including a couple’s SUV ending up in a river and a cop’s embarrassing moment at a Kenny Chesney concert. Lastly, we touch on the importance of mental health, encouraging everyone to support each other through life's challenges, especially in these turbulent times. Tune in for a blend of humor, nostalgia, and thought-provoking conversations that promise to keep you entertained from start to finish.
Welcome to the After 2 Beers podcast. I'm Dutch Dalton, joined as always by Kimmy Gibbler. That's me and Mr Summers. Michael, what's going on?
Speaker 3:Oh, buddy, Just literally finishing up the show literally, as we are live on air as soon as it hit. Live yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's all right. So if you haven't watched the After 2 Beers podcast, uh, or listen to us. Basically, we we have a couple drinks and then, um, we just converse about things that you would talk about with your friends, your family. Um, dark community, mr morrison and um something just pops up when you're drunk yeah, you want to get everybody's opinion right, exactly, but we're going to try to do it without arguing or losing friends on facebook, at least you two.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we may lose some. I might be a religion, I'm out. No politics, no religion.
Speaker 1:Yeah so, uh, coming up on tonight's show, we're gonna talk, uh, I want to talk about politics, not necessarily politics, but um, what, what matters to people that are in this? This is a big year. Oh yeah, I mean there was in the last election. There was 150 million votes cast.
Speaker 4:Yeah so.
Speaker 1:I think Cast.
Speaker 4:Well, that's your seats here we go, here we go.
Speaker 1:But I honestly I struggled with this today. I was telling the two of you I had a lot of time behind the windshield today and I was trying to understand what my priorities were on who I would select not just necessarily for president, but here locally as well and I struggled to come up with what I actually cared about.
Speaker 2:Right yeah.
Speaker 1:And so we're going to talk about that. Yep, next, gimbler is going to share us a drink of the week, and we are not sponsored by Fireball, but it may sound like we are in a minute. You got some giblets. I do have some giblets. Am I the asshole? Yeah, I got one.
Speaker 2:Yeah, sweet, I didn't know if we needed to answer that question.
Speaker 1:Am I the?
Speaker 2:asshole.
Speaker 1:Yes, I am one and I got some news stories. A couple were in a car having a good old time in the backseat and they ended up in a river.
Speaker 3:Oh my.
Speaker 1:Well, Wakanda River.
Speaker 3:Well, yeah.
Speaker 1:He didn't even know he hit the water. Speaking of that, I also have a story You're familiar with Puss in Boots. Yeah, this is Piss in Boots.
Speaker 4:Oh, joe, it makes more sense. All right, kenny Chesney concert, good times.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, yes, and a high school gym teacher. Well, he got robbed so he called the police and he got arrested. Oh, I can't wait to hear this.
Speaker 2:Yes, they still lose, mary Jane.
Speaker 1:No, they still wait till you hear this story. All right, we got that coming up. And also I want to know what happened to the love America had for the George Foreman grill.
Speaker 3:Right, that was all over the place, yeah and now nothing.
Speaker 1:I don't hear shit about it. I looked and you can still buy them, yeah.
Speaker 2:Oh, I know people that use them religiously.
Speaker 3:Everybody has one now, so you don't need to advertise.
Speaker 2:I don't have one, yeah right.
Speaker 3:You don't still have one, no.
Speaker 2:I bet you could probably go to Goodwill and get one or any garage sale.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we'd probably get one Amazon. I have it in my house in two days. Yeah, all right, we're going to talk about those things and more. We appreciate you if you're jumping on and watching us live, if you're listening to us. We greatly appreciate you as well. We're getting lots more increase in listens in Indianapolis, which is cool. Less in Richmond ironically, I think our views are going up in Richmond, though. There you go. You can do us All right, you guys ready to jump into it?
Speaker 3:Yeah, what do you want?
Speaker 1:to do first. I want to talk about the political things before I get all messed up.
Speaker 3:Let's start this out first and then have some fun.
Speaker 2:Speaking of losing viewership.
Speaker 1:I think people are interested in this shit because, oh yeah, um, like you know I've been, I I tried to snooze a shit ton of people on facebook about a month ago, and I know this because they're all coming back and they're all posting the same kind of news.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah and, uh, I look at the stuff that they complain about or what they're posting about, and it goes both sides. This isn't a left or right thing, this is both sides. And, um, I realize a lot of the stuff that people on facebook are bitching about is stuff that I don't even worry about. Right, right, and I'm like that's not going to make my decision on who I pick right, and so then I was trying to come up with what is my bugaboos. There's no such thing as the perfect candidate, right? I mean, there shouldn't be. You should not have a candidate that you believe 100% of the things that they do.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Right that that's just blind devotion, that is, uh, I don't know if that's a demo God, but, uh, what are the two or three things that matter the most to you?
Speaker 3:or you, my children's future, okay, so that's a great one, yeah.
Speaker 1:So because I was going, that's my mindset as well. Right, I'm a late 40s guy, two kids how do I make this place better off? By who I try to elect and put into office? But what is the priority that would make for your children?
Speaker 3:have a better future A good economy.
Speaker 1:Okay so.
Speaker 3:If there's no jobs, there's nothing to do.
Speaker 1:So economy, yeah, I think we can all agree with that one. Yes, all right. What's your second one? And so I'll give you an example. The one that I continue to hear about, which has never impacted me or anyone in my, uh, immediate circle, is people talk about border security. Now, I don't disagree with it, right? I mean, I think something has to be done, but it's never impacted my life for me to even make that a priority for me, right? Okay, uh, do you guys have a thought?
Speaker 3:I you know, I think something needs to be done like that, like you said, but I mean, but is it a priority for you?
Speaker 1:so what is a priority for you?
Speaker 3:man offhand, I don't know in that wild one yeah, what do you think about?
Speaker 1:well, that's so I I went, I pulled. These are the uh top policy priorities for 2024. This is my favorite research center, the Pew Research. All right, here's the top 10 things that people have expressed as their biggest worries for this year's election. Number one was the economy. I think we can all agree with that. If you have any kind of credit card debt I do I'll be the first to admit it on here. I, uh, I was a single father for seven years, yeah, and uh, I've got kids in college and I've got some debt and, as a result, of the college.
Speaker 3:What's that? Where's that free?
Speaker 1:college shit. I had to pay mine off. Now I'm paying for his and then, about the time he's done, I'll get to pay for hers. Right, right and uh. But regardless of that, the reason I bring it up is because the economy has been inflation has gone up so much. It's caused the interest rates to go up, yeah, but I want to bring up the grocery prices. People always talk about grocery prices. Oh, it's tripled. But do you really give two shits? Yeah, do you really? It depends on where.
Speaker 3:I go especially with my family.
Speaker 2:I'm having to hit up a couple different places because it's like you know, I'm definitely shopping Aldi, but then I may have to go somewhere else because there might be a specific item that I'm looking for.
Speaker 1:I feel like if you pay money to get your toenails painted, you shouldn't be bitching about grocery prices. No, get your toenails painted, you shouldn't be bitching about grocery prices. I'm not saying you do. I'm saying that in this country we spend a shit ton of money on shit we don't need. Oh yeah, and we complain because our groceries are $50 more right as we're driving to go eat out.
Speaker 3:Yeah, Well, honestly, for two of us that's what I was going to say.
Speaker 2:For two of us. It's cheaper for us to eat out than it is to buy groceries, oh yeah. Well, I mean by the time you like.
Speaker 1:If you want to eat healthy.
Speaker 2:So just saying like we had a pitch in for fantasy football draft, spent several hundred dollars on food Easily. I mean, some of that might have been some beer, but See, that gets back, you know.
Speaker 1:Uh, here's the other thing money in politics. That's never going to change because that would require the politicians to not want to take money uh health care.
Speaker 1:People are never going to agree on that one. Uh, education, which shocks me. I feel like this should be number one. This goes right into what you guys are talking about. Um, we are like 40th in the world when it comes to all of the different things that from science and math, and we suck ass at it. But we are concerned about money in politics, social security, crime, immigration, illegal drugs and the budget deficit. So apparently you got to find whatever makes you excited in life and then focus on it. But I don't know. That's where I'm struggling.
Speaker 3:That's a tough one, that is a struggle. Right there, what do you pick? I'm like, yeah, when you look at the candidates, what do you think?
Speaker 2:I don't, yeah, you know me, I don't talk about it.
Speaker 1:Well, maybe we should Not here necessarily, but I mean, I think there's some value in it. I think the thing that's been weird for me is I've been thinking about this a long time and even regardless of if individuals want to vote for president Trump or if they want to vote for vice president Harris, right, either one I think, deep down, everybody that I know in my life, for the most part, they love this country and so they're voting with their intent of what they think is going to be the best for this country, best for everyone.
Speaker 3:Right. But it has become such a competition amongst people, and it's the only time where you, as a middle class person, has the same rights as a billionaire. Right One vote. Yeah, I don't know person has the same rights as a billionaire, right.
Speaker 1:One vote, yeah, I don't know. I just I'm interested in it because I think it's. If you look at social media, politics is something that is on the forefront of a lot of people's minds right now. Yes, and I just it's funny to me I sit back as a privileged, probably white, american. That's like I don't even know what's important to me, right, and that's when you know you live a pretty damn good life, yep, and what's wild about that is so many people think the country sucks and I'm like fuck.
Speaker 3:I love this place Right.
Speaker 1:I'm like I don't want to go anywhere.
Speaker 3:I don't want to go anywhere else? Right, it's like you go try this shit, right, yeah, everywhere, not even canada no well, they're pretty good too if it's cold up.
Speaker 2:I'm not loud up there. Oh, that might be another story I have to hear yeah, all right.
Speaker 1:Well, anyway, that's our uh deep dive into normal shit. Um, yeah, that went over like a turd in a punch bowl. You guys just didn't want to talk about it.
Speaker 2:I don't. I already told you I didn't want to.
Speaker 1:That's important. All right, Before we get moving forward, I can cut. Oh well, fuck, We'll leave it in. Maybe the guy in Germany will be like oh, listen to these Americans.
Speaker 4:They have so much shit they don't even know what they want, right People in every other country.
Speaker 1:They're like oh, we'd like free, you know clean water you know, a road a road, a road that doesn't made out of dirt.
Speaker 2:And we're like, oh, please give some assistance on education, the biggest the biggest complaints here is a fucking bike path.
Speaker 1:You know you live in a city that doesn't have a lot of problems when a bike path is the top one issue when you're voting, oh man Bike paths. All right, here you go.
Speaker 4:That's when you know you live in a pretty decent area. It's happening. I'm just saying.
Speaker 1:Yeah, anyway, all right, before we get going, I want to make sure we thank again our Patreon sponsors after that part, are we down to one viewer now? Kevin's shaking his head.
Speaker 2:yeah, all they all fell asleep in there too, so one viewer, zero viewer.
Speaker 1:I can't hear a word he's saying no, oh, we're at eight.
Speaker 2:Oh, we got one.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there you go, all right. Well, I'm glad you guys stuck by us, because here comes the real show. All right, thanks again to the Patreon sponsors. Visit our webpage after2beerscom it's the number two. Give us a follow on social media and if you want to listen to the audio versions or go back and listen to any of the audio versions that we've done for about the last four years five years they're there. They're there, so you can listen to us on iTunes and Spotify and all those fun places. All right, let's jump into the drink of the week Gibbler.
Speaker 2:All right.
Speaker 1:Last week you brought us it was supposed to taste like a Tootsie Roll. It was supposed to taste like a.
Speaker 2:Tootsie.
Speaker 3:Roll and I failed miserably. No, you didn't fail.
Speaker 1:No, it was good this one here I like, where you went this week, you went with a shot. Yeah, yes, so that to mix anything.
Speaker 2:Exactly.
Speaker 1:Next time.
Speaker 2:I'll do something fancier.
Speaker 3:What's new Seasonal?
Speaker 2:This one is just, it was new. In fact, there was only one place in town that has it so far, I think.
Speaker 1:Nice, what's the place?
Speaker 2:That is the bottle shop down on the 9th Street All right. So Fireball is on the 9th Street. I know right At what age do you add the?
Speaker 1:word, the, to shit At the same age that you add an S to the end of stuff Like Meyers, Walmarts, JCPenney's. So what have we got here? We've got Fireball.
Speaker 2:So Fireball has amped it up with Blazin' Apple.
Speaker 1:Blazin' Apple.
Speaker 2:Blazin' Apple, let's get it so.
Speaker 1:You guys like Fireball. I love spicy water. It doesn't love me always. I'm not a fan of cinnamon.
Speaker 2:I know you don't love it very much. No, I'll drink it and I didn't realize it until you had said it and you're like ah.
Speaker 1:About what.
Speaker 2:The aftertaste does have a little bit of like I don't know what it is.
Speaker 1:It's a false taste. It tastes like, but it tastes like the smell of fall. It tastes like somebody melted a candle.
Speaker 2:Go ahead. Like the smell of fall. It tastes like somebody melted.
Speaker 3:Uh, go ahead and drink it here we go, I'll be like, oh, there's a new, cheers clink them and drink them.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, it confirms. It actually tastes like if you had a fall potpourri and you decided to make tea out of it. Yeah, that's what it is.
Speaker 3:I think you had it right the first time.
Speaker 2:Some apple cider.
Speaker 1:That's what warm glow would taste like it tastes like a harvest candle that, when it melts, you just pour it in your mouth.
Speaker 2:It's got a better consistency.
Speaker 3:Oh my God, it tastes like it's better the second time around.
Speaker 1:No, I'm waiting for the vodka to kick in to make it better. So what we're saying here yeah, make up your drink.
Speaker 2:Discuss your drink there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, my drink is just vodka and a Dairy Queen Blue Raspberry Slushy. It's not fancy.
Speaker 2:Hey, drink of the summer, drink of the summer, and I've got the drink of the fall.
Speaker 1:I just wanted a slushy, for some reason but it's after two beers.
Speaker 3:So I got to follow the rules. You got to mix it with something, all right.
Speaker 1:Are you guys ready to jump in the show?
Speaker 2:Let's do it.
Speaker 1:All right, so we had things to talk about. One of the things that I wanted to discuss I don't even know why this popped into my head today, but I'm driving down the road. People use George Foreman grills anymore.
Speaker 2:Because we have these expensive smokers in our garage. Yeah, but I mean who?
Speaker 1:doesn't love the Foreman. It was so versatile.
Speaker 3:You could cook so many things on it. It was a broke college thing. Throw a burger, a dog, chicken breast. Why does it have to be?
Speaker 1:I'm a fucking broke adult. It's not just a broke college. Everybody's big into air fryers now?
Speaker 2:I don't think that it has much to do with being a broke college kid, but I think it's more like you're only cooking for one or two, just toss it on the foreman, whereas if you don't want to fire up the grill, wait for it to warm up and all of that. Well, how many are you normally cooking for? We always end up way over cooking Right.
Speaker 3:That's why your grocery bill is so high.
Speaker 1:Josh says air fryers, ninja stuff, we have one of those in the pots. Here's my thing, right, like in the 70s, it was cheese fondue, oh yeah, and so everybody had the-.
Speaker 3:Fondues everywhere.
Speaker 1:I keep thinking of the Will Ferrell movie Semi-Pro, where they had the cheese fondue. Anyway, the problem is I don't have a lot of counter space and the foreman is tiny and you can stuff it away.
Speaker 3:You can put it in the cabinet and bring it back out. I'm sure that's it. Put it in the cabinet and people forgot about it.
Speaker 2:I think if you have an apartment or you don't have availability for a grill. I think it would be very handy. Yeah, I think I would still be handy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'd love to get a listen from her.
Speaker 2:Let's bring it back, I will tell you that I've probably used my foreman when I had one, probably more on making like grilled sandwiches.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh yeah, you know kinds of shit with them, like a ham and cheese melt, press it down.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, that way you've got like the little lines in it like a grill.
Speaker 3:Yep, dry your socks.
Speaker 2:Ew Something.
Speaker 1:I didn't say anything about Swiss cheese on my hands. You can make grilled cheese with them.
Speaker 3:It's the best yeah.
Speaker 2:We have a grilled cheese maker. So, how does it differ? Does it not have the lines the grill marks.
Speaker 3:It's almost like a toaster and you make your sandwich, you put it in there and slide it down. It's made by Kraft. Put your sandwich in there, it toasts it on both sides.
Speaker 2:Really yeah, and it keeps the cheese in, like, do you have to turn it on the side?
Speaker 3:No, it just goes down like a toaster.
Speaker 1:So it's just like an extra wide toaster. Yeah, so like a baby toaster.
Speaker 2:How does your cheese not melt out the?
Speaker 3:bottom it's got a little wire rack it sets in, so you pull them out, okay.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, Look at Amber. Amber wants to talk about it. The boys love it. The boys love it.
Speaker 4:It's not like an extra wide toaster actually.
Speaker 3:It has like a basket toaster and then it toasted on both sides.
Speaker 1:But yeah, it's pretty cool because we had a kid who liked grilled cheese and I wasn't making all of them.
Speaker 3:Well, we have that one and we have a hot dog maker.
Speaker 1:A hot dog maker, you put, you can put the bun in there and it toasts the bun and the hot dogs go down and it toasts the hot dogs and it pops up.
Speaker 3:We got tired of making hot dogs all damn time, make them your damn stuff.
Speaker 1:It's just so american, I love it right it.
Speaker 3:If there's a need for it, somebody will make it.
Speaker 2:How much stuff is on your?
Speaker 3:counter that the sandwich maker, the Instapot, the blender, ninja blender, the air fryer.
Speaker 2:Right yeah, wow.
Speaker 3:So do you have a regular toaster too.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, we have a regular toaster. Yeah, Like I'm just putting my bread in the bread cheese maker.
Speaker 3:Oh, it is with five kids.
Speaker 1:I also think it's funny that when I brought up politics and shit it was important, no one said nothing and I bring up different ways to cook shit and like people are jumping up in the room. That's stuff I'm comfortable talking about Ponder's all you know pizza, dillas and quesadillas. Oh, yeah. He's all fired up. The big thing now. I can't believe we're talking about this, but this is after two beers. Everybody seems to be jumping on the flat iron.
Speaker 3:That Blackstone, the Blackstone, real things.
Speaker 2:I think that's what Breakfast is really good on them. I've never had anything off of them. You could do like a, I don't yeah.
Speaker 1:I don't. Well, I take that back. My brother-in-law cooks everything on it now.
Speaker 4:Really.
Speaker 1:Yeah, next to the grill, he's cooking hamburgers on that thing. Smash burger style.
Speaker 4:Everybody's into the smash burgers.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was going to say essentially I would make my smash burgers, kind of like a. White Castle slider where you put the onions and then do a smaller piece of hamburger.
Speaker 1:You soak the bun in the mop bucket first. Oh yeah, Like they do.
Speaker 2:Why is the bun?
Speaker 1:always so soggy.
Speaker 3:Steam. It's that steam that ain't steam, that is straight dip. It's onion juice. It's onion juice.
Speaker 1:What kind of onions are they using that have that much juice? You know what Just?
Speaker 4:slap it on the grill.
Speaker 2:I've never worked at a White Castle, but I'm just assuming, just ladle it on there.
Speaker 1:Just ladle it on there, you go, all right.
Speaker 2:Well, that's enough about Foreman Grills, let's jump into shit. Uh, that may be of value to people. Uh, like giblets, like giblets, all right, all right, all right. Okay, I sound like matthew mcconaughey there, didn't I?
Speaker 1:let's find my old facts here hey, while you're looking those up, I do have something I want to talk about oh and I'm I'm really interested in this one. Maybe this will go over better in the politics thing. Uh, riding the other day with AJ and her mom's in the car and then, out of nowhere, her mother's low 80s right, she just starts talking about death and more about what happens after death.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Whether you get buried or you get cremated. Okay, have you guys? Do you discuss this with your significant others? Have you told?
Speaker 2:Josh, what you want, yeah, what do you want? He probably doesn't remember. I totally want cremated.
Speaker 3:Cremated yeah. Cremated, Cremated yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm the same way. Yeah, I heard somebody one time they wanted to about if you can get a hold of genetics or DNA code or whatnot I got enough DNA out there? I'm curious about this.
Speaker 2:I would suck as a zombie as much as I've sucked as a human.
Speaker 1:Now let me ask, though In your situation, you're not, by government standards, officially married.
Speaker 2:Correct.
Speaker 1:So who actually has your?
Speaker 2:last rights? I don't know, that's weird.
Speaker 1:You could be on a machine, yeah. And who gets to make the choice?
Speaker 2:I don't know.
Speaker 1:You should actually probably look into that.
Speaker 2:My parents are both past. I have my stepdad, I've got my siblings.
Speaker 1:Maybe your siblings.
Speaker 2:I don't have anything written out on who has the say.
Speaker 1:Are we at that age where we should be actually doing this?
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, yeah.
Speaker 1:I agree.
Speaker 2:I think that we are definitely at that age. Anything could happen, I mean.
Speaker 3:No.
Speaker 1:I'm at the age where, if anything suspicious happens, it's my wife. It's the wife.
Speaker 3:Yeah, they're going to look at you and go look how he's built.
Speaker 1:It's probably natural.
Speaker 3:Exactly, that's the problem.
Speaker 1:That's the problem.
Speaker 3:No this guy, he wasn't hiking, no.
Speaker 1:So you just want to be? I'm curious now, like because I think a lot of burial is religious based.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Right and honestly.
Speaker 2:You can go ahead and bury my ashes if you want. You can do whatever you want with my ashes, put them up in a closet.
Speaker 3:I don't know. Yeah, but no.
Speaker 2:I don't want anybody to have to hold on to them, because then they're just going to be like Collecting dust.
Speaker 1:Like what do you do with them Like?
Speaker 4:you put them on the mantel.
Speaker 2:Like hey, that's the ex up there chilling on the mantel.
Speaker 1:I'm just curious what's the average cost for a funeral in the United States now Versus cremation Between 11 and 13. $1,000 to be buried $13,000 to be buried $13,000 to be buried.
Speaker 2:Well, I think that probably includes your service.
Speaker 3:What does?
Speaker 1:Five, 35? 3,500. That's significantly different.
Speaker 2:That's a good party you could afford to pay for. Someone else is getting the tab, though, so why worry?
Speaker 1:It's still coming out of your shit.
Speaker 3:That's true. That's true. Why worry?
Speaker 1:I don't know. I feel like it's kind of being greedy, Like why do you need a funeral, like, and buried in the ground?
Speaker 2:And I don't need a service and especially like the open casket services. I hate that yeah I hate it because people are like oh well, she looks so nice no, she doesn't.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I think I I've learned as I've gotten older. The service isn't about you, the service is about closure for all the others absolutely.
Speaker 1:And it's taken me this long because, like that's my one thing, I'm like I, I struggle, I can be. I've the number of funerals I've been to in my life. I can count probably on one hand, maybe two, and I'm 46. I've known a lot of people yeah and I just do not do well in that situation at all. Right same and uh. But I realize now that it's about closure for those individuals and I love that people are doing like celebrations of life now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that seems like a way, cooler deal like I want to give away, like ps5s and and have fireworks like a cave now you're upping that cost again. Well, you know, but hey, people are going to walk out with door prices, they'll be all right, it's coming up you should be able to schedule your funeral before you pass and invite only.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And it's a celebration. Yeah, then it sounds like one of those things like when you're on a road trip and you're trying to beat the GPS date, when you schedule it and you're like, oh, I want to beat that date If it's expected. If you're terminally ill, schedule it, Invite your people. See, that's the kind of shit I'd love to get into on After 2 Beers. We don't get enough audience feedback.
Speaker 2:I'm going to have a 50-50 raffle at mine.
Speaker 1:I'm telling you.
Speaker 2:Help, pay for it, and then somebody gets to walk away with some money.
Speaker 1:I joke to you. One time I said that I want to be cremated, that I want to be cremated. I do want to be cremated. So here it's on video. And, um, I want my ashes to be put in, uh one cupcake one cupcake and I want there to be like a big old thing of cupcakes right, and then on the bottom there's like a picture of me like doing this right and you get prizes like oh man, I got the, I got the Dutch cake, the Dutch cake, you know, like in Fat Tuesday they put the little baby in the baby cake, yeah, the cheese cake.
Speaker 1:Get a picture of me going one last surprise for somebody $13,000 to be put in a box that you won't even. I've seen people that want their funeral home, their casket, to have a radio in it.
Speaker 2:It costs extra for every chair you have set up at your funeral. Yeah, well then everybody better bring your own chair it's like a bonfire.
Speaker 1:Bring your cooler yeah byob baby, all right. Well, hey, might as well enjoy yourself. Uh, partner says what about a do not come to my funeral service list? Now, here's the fucked up part, and I'm not trying to get political, but that has actually happened with President Trump. There were people that have passed that said we do not want him coming to our service. John McCain, there's multiple people, not that I'm out here.
Speaker 1:I mean, he's the jettest Our viewers went from eight to two right there. But uh no, that's when you know you're fucking hated. It's like even when I'm dead.
Speaker 3:I still don't want you showing up.
Speaker 1:That guy's definitely not there, oh man, but honest like I I'm, it's such an interesting topic for me, right? Because how many people would give everything they have right now to see who actually showed up oh yeah, right, or who didn't. Who didn't right, didn't?
Speaker 2:have the time. Let's go back to his idea about like the scheduled one and then like have your phone, text people like you know how you can program it and be like it's hot down here Send us that email that's not scheduled to go out, right. Preschedule a text message that goes out and goes hey, help, let me out of here.
Speaker 1:Just start calling out names.
Speaker 2:I told you I'd see you down here, you, son of a bitch Bitch, I better not see you talking to my man.
Speaker 1:I actually all right, this is the last one. Do we still have anybody watching this kind of? We are All right good, we are, that's great, we are All right. Here's a question and I'm legit about this. I'm not a religious guy. I wasn't brought up in the faith. Okay, I'm just being. I'm throwing that out there. I want to say I'm throwing that out there. I want to say I'm agnostic because I realize that there's probably something going on that's way above me. I'm just not smart enough to understand it.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah, so here's my question, and I asked this to a deacon and his wife that are very involved in the church, and this is a legit question. I'll ask you All right, okay, you're married, uh-huh you? Legit question I'll ask you all right, okay, you're married, uh-huh you've been married for 10 years.
Speaker 1:Okay, to the love of your life. Yes, great fucking guy. He passes, uh-huh, maybe cancer, whatever, young, let's say he's 32, 37 years old. You meet another great guy. He's gone. Okay, okay, you two get married. You live for another 40 years with this guy. Right, you pass. Where do you get married? I'm not even talking about that. I'm talking about you go to heaven.
Speaker 4:Uh-huh.
Speaker 1:Okay, first dude's up there like hey, been waiting on you, good to see you, been missing you, and you're like, oh, I got a story to tell you. I'm missing you and you're like oh, I got a story to tell you and then old dude, because it happens a lot, he passes like a few months later what the fuck happened? So my question is is there one big heaven?
Speaker 3:Awkward turtle, I'm serious.
Speaker 1:I'm like. I'm not even trying to throw shade at religion on this one, I am legit questioning this. So when that happens, that guy, the second guy, let's say that was his first marriage, his only marriage, and he's been married to you his whole life he comes up there.
Speaker 2:Sees you booed up with your ex. Are you, though? I don't know.
Speaker 1:That's the shit I'm really interested about, and so here's another thing right. Let's say you're on earth and there's like a group of people that just drive you fucking crazy, but you're nice to them because you're just a nice person, right, yeah, people do, but they fucking love you. So in their heaven, you're in it and you're there for eternity. Are they in your heaven too? You're like God. I got to see this dude for the rest of ever. He moved next door.
Speaker 3:How big is this place?
Speaker 1:I got's the other thing Do you live on a land with your family or do you still have neighborhoods and you have neighbors?
Speaker 2:you don't enjoy, even though you're in heaven. Can you imagine how many of your pets are going to be? Oh my.
Speaker 1:God, there's going to be dog shit everywhere. Maybe they don't shit.
Speaker 2:Do I still have to mow the?
Speaker 1:lawn. No, there's so many questions that. I would but I'm serious on the first one. I'm not trying to mock religion or be sacrilegious here by any stretch. What you believe is you believe and I'm all for it. Okay. I'm simply saying, for those that believe in heaven, I want to know is there one singular heaven where we all go to, or does each individual have their own where we all go to?
Speaker 3:where does each individual have their own. Each individual has their own, and then snapshots of every relationship takes part. You're here for a decade, then I'm with them for a decade.
Speaker 1:It's community. That's the kind of shit I would want to ask somebody that if I was in a relationship with somebody that was a widower, a widow. Widow. I mean not that there's anything wrong with being in a relationship with somebody that had that was a widower. Is that, yeah, yeah, widow, a widow, widow. I mean not that there's anything wrong with being in a relationship with me with a weird widower, nothing wrong with that story.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but what? That should be a first question. It's like I want to know what's up. Is it me or him when I get up?
Speaker 3:right, like I'm out of here, should I?
Speaker 1:be looking for an eternal partner elsewhere, or like what's it? I'm like we're not mormon.
Speaker 3:Oh the answer we were looking for was mormon, mormon, yes, yes no, I'm.
Speaker 1:This is the shit that interests me. This is the shit I think about all day when I'm driving by myself. Yeah, there you go. And that's after two Diet Cokes, that's not even after two beers, that's not even after two beers. I think it's just we're all scared that when the day comes, that's it.
Speaker 2:I think it's the unknown that scares people the most.
Speaker 1:Hell yeah that's why they came up with religion that and to keep people in line. Did I just say that out loud, anyway, why they came up with religion that to keep people in line.
Speaker 2:Did I just say that out loud anyway, welcome back after two beers.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we're down to one for sure. Uh, josh hunter says bet, there's a custody schedule every other two days when you're with one or the other oh man, I'm serious, I love. Thank you first of all, josh, for commenting, and I shit you not. This is the stuff I think about. It's wild to me because there's no answers. No one's ever been there.
Speaker 2:Come back and been like hey, guess what? This is how shit really goes down.
Speaker 1:I was at a customer today and he had had a heart attack and was out and they brought him back and then on the way to the hospital he died three more times and he's fine now he's got a pacemaker and life's golden. And I asked him what was it like on the other side? Because I didn't see anything. I was like you seen a light or an escalator. Everybody always thinks it's an escalator. An escalator I want like.
Speaker 4:Well, you seen a light or an escalator.
Speaker 1:Everybody always thinks it's an escalator, an escalator, I want it to be a high speed elevator. I want to get up there as fast as possible. So he was up there waiting.
Speaker 3:Before they figure out what's going on.
Speaker 1:Right, I was going to say the escalator might be safer and be like oh man, I just yeah, I need an upgrade. I saw a comedian one time said if a lot of you think you're getting to heaven, you better hope they're grading on a curve, all right. Well, we've run long enough about heaven, all right, I appreciate you, josh, you're the only one that commented Everybody else, just our followers, just cut in half.
Speaker 2:All right, I guess I'll do my giblet.
Speaker 1:Yeah, let's try that, let's do those.
Speaker 3:Hey, it's that apple fireball, just get you talking.
Speaker 2:So it's been extremely hot in the area in Midwest this week, and have you guys heard about why it's so humid?
Speaker 1:I think it's summer, nino.
Speaker 2:Corn sweat.
Speaker 3:The Nino, I am the Nino, it's the corn sweat the Nino, I am the Nino.
Speaker 2:It's the corn sweat.
Speaker 1:The corn sweat.
Speaker 2:I've seen it on all of like the news stuff. I've heard this. So corn sweat is evapotranspiration. Corn crops release water vapor from their leaves to cool down. One acre of corn can add 3,000 to 4,000 gallons of water to the air, which increases your humidity. I knew it. And because the midwest, I mean, let's be real, we're a bunch of freaking corn, so yeah, yeah, that's why it's been extra half corn, half beans, right.
Speaker 1:That's why I'm a big fan of uh wind fan like wind turbines, because it should cool us down right right, you got extra breeze is that how that works? Those things are not gonna to cool anything down. It'll blow that corn sweat away.
Speaker 2:I don't think that's how that works?
Speaker 1:You don't think that's how it works?
Speaker 2:No, unfortunately.
Speaker 3:I don't think other big fans work like that.
Speaker 2:So yeah.
Speaker 1:I wonder who's got the remote for you. I wonder why people hate on them so much.
Speaker 2:If you have 12 million acres in Illinois, 48 billion gallons daily, 72 billion gallons daily, 72 727 olympic pools a day into the air in illinois alone.
Speaker 1:Yeah wow, isn't that crazy. That's a lot of sweat, that's a lot of sweat oh, I had a guy of a friend of mine he'd break into sweat at lunchtime he'd be like oh man, this sandwich is hot I sweat eating too, so it don't matter. This meal's almost over.
Speaker 2:It was good Instead of the meat sweats, the corn sweats, the corn sweats Gosh. All right, here's one weird but true fact. There is a bacon gene which makes some people able to tell the difference between pork from female and male pigs, and it makes them hate the smell of the latter.
Speaker 3:They hate the male one.
Speaker 2:So like if they like the taste and smell of the male bacon. If somebody cooks female bacon, I guess they don't like it.
Speaker 3:Wow, that's a recessive jinx.
Speaker 2:I do not like it yeah.
Speaker 3:I like all bacon.
Speaker 2:I like it all, I don't care Except for that turkey bacon crap when it comes to my bacon.
Speaker 1:Yeah, LBGTQ right here, look at that baby.
Speaker 2:I'm a loving everybody. Do not care, just don't give me none of that turkey crap.
Speaker 3:We'll set it to Coney and just order a basket of bacon Basket of here.
Speaker 2:yeah, um, here's one. Do you guys remember the little books goosebumps? Yeah, yes yep, so rl stein, the writer?
Speaker 1:yeah, he, he was the one that wrote the jokes for bazooka joe gum wrappers before writing goosebumps.
Speaker 2:Nice yeah, stepping his game up stepped his game up from writing small jokes on the rappers to writing in whole books. Here's a funny one. You guys have played Cards Against Humanity.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 2:Have you ever read the rules?
Speaker 1:I didn't know. There was rules, there's rules.
Speaker 2:So according to the official Cards Against Humanity rules, the player who pooped last goes first as the judge.
Speaker 1:How do you prove that?
Speaker 2:You probably don't.
Speaker 3:Honor system poop poop glass.
Speaker 2:Unless you had just done it at the person's house Right shatter.
Speaker 1:You gotta take video like an image of it You're like what time was yours? I sent snaps?
Speaker 3:out. We're playing this later. Right, I'm sending you a snap on my poops.
Speaker 1:Right before you start. Oh, oh, oh, Looks like I'm first.
Speaker 3:I'm sorry. I'm using that rule for every game I play.
Speaker 2:Right Robly Yahtzee.
Speaker 1:Who took a shit last?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yep Speaking of poop.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh, no, poop giblet.
Speaker 2:So things that you don't realize, that have gone away, but you're like huh. I don't think I have. So you guys have animals, You've got dogs, yeah, yeah, they still poop. Yeah, when was the last time you saw a white dog turd?
Speaker 1:I know I don't, I can't say that right it's been years, do you know why?
Speaker 2:so, starting in the 90s, dog food companies cut back on the bone meal and added more fiber and actual nutrients to dog food, which makes it better for your dog, okay and then, and then it's fewer white leftovers because it's like essentially like, it's kind of like okay, so you're over calcium. Yeah, it's kind of like if you take a vitamin like a multivitamin and you pee yellow, it's because that's all of the nutrients you didn't need to absorb.
Speaker 1:This is the stuff that people talk about when they get drunk at bars.
Speaker 3:It is. You know why they don't have white dog poop in them. When was the last time you saw a white turd? You know?
Speaker 1:honestly, there was a benefit to the white turd the whiter it was, the easier it was to pick up because the smell was dissipating.
Speaker 2:Right, and it would just like dissipate into like white chalk.
Speaker 1:Did I just use dissipate on.
Speaker 2:After Two Beers Pasta. You did, yeah, we. We definitely use that Precipitated, precipitating.
Speaker 1:I still don't even think it's the right word. It is, and I'm sure of it. Oh man, we haven't done this in a while. We used to record these and we'd get so messed up We'd be like I ain't even launching this.
Speaker 3:We're not even putting this one out.
Speaker 2:All right. Last fun fact. So if you think that you suck at golf, you're a majority. So almost 80% of golfers will never have a handicap under 18.
Speaker 1:So what is that? 90.
Speaker 3:Shooting a 90. What are you talking about? Play eights are good.
Speaker 1:buddy Gibbler asked me to fill in for Josh a couple times this year and the last time we were playing this is how you know you're not that great at golf.
Speaker 4:It's like what do we get on that?
Speaker 1:And you start driving there, and then the second shot went here and then the third shot about two, five that's a five. When you gotta start adding shit up.
Speaker 3:When you gotta turn around and look Okay.
Speaker 1:I hit it there. Oh no, Remember the tree. Oh the tree, we did the tree.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, oh, that was your shot, my shot, your shot.
Speaker 1:Dave says purple Gatorade turns my, that's your shit. It turns. Poo green, it turns poo green.
Speaker 2:Really.
Speaker 3:We need to give a bit about that.
Speaker 2:No kidding, I'm going to have to Google this now.
Speaker 1:According to, Dave Meyer, if you take some shit after drinking purple Gatorade, it turns mine green. Does purple Gatorade, and then the next one would be, and it tastes different.
Speaker 2:Oh.
Speaker 3:It's not meant to either.
Speaker 2:First thing I said is purple Gatorade and it came up. Yes, purple and other blue and black dyes can cause green poop because digestive processes can change the nature of dyes.
Speaker 3:There you go Other foods and drinks that can cause.
Speaker 2:Green poo include blueberries, grapes, red wine, grape Kool-Aid and soda. Frozen ice pops, cake icing, blue ices, packaged fruit snacks, licorice and grape-flavored Pedialyte.
Speaker 1:There, you go Green poote. Well, there you go, green poo. Yeah, dave, take a picture of that and post it on our webpage next time.
Speaker 2:No, no, no, no, no Please don't.
Speaker 1:I want to see proof of this green poo yeah we'll do it.
Speaker 2:The ecto-pooper, hey, and then he can be the judge at.
Speaker 3:Cards of.
Speaker 2:Community Right.
Speaker 3:All right, all right, I like this one. It's something I've done. I think Amber's done it. She's thrown a popsicle away from me just so I couldn't have it one time.
Speaker 1:Do you get handicap parking if your handicap is over the 18?
Speaker 2:I don't think that's how it works. I don't think they have enough spots you know?
Speaker 1:can I speak to that before you get to the? Am I the Asshole? Can I speak to that before you get to the? Am I the asshole? I was at a Walmart today in Southern Indiana.
Speaker 3:Anybody want to?
Speaker 1:I'm good, I've been drinking, so anyway, and DB, I was watching these people drive around in the Walmart and those motorized carts and I'm like that's when you know you've given up. That's what life is over. You're like I look at some of these people and I'm like you don't even have a broken knee.
Speaker 2:I made a terrible joke. Yeah, go ahead, finish yours.
Speaker 1:No, no, I was just saying oh, ponder wants one.
Speaker 3:Ponder does.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Ponder wants one. Come on in here, buddy. We've said if you want to come down and watch us live, hang out with us, you can enjoy the drink of the week. You want a shot of the blue?
Speaker 3:Or if you want to suggest a drink of the week, yes, absolutely.
Speaker 2:If you want to sponsor the drink of the week.
Speaker 1:I had a lady almost run me over in the fucking cart today.
Speaker 2:She had to apologize how fast was that thing going?
Speaker 1:She came out of the paying area and I was walking towards the bathroom your golden buddy and she whipped it around. She's like doing X game shit right there.
Speaker 2:She about hits me.
Speaker 1:Took you out. Oh, my bad. I'm looking at her and I'm like what the fuck's wrong with you? You can't get out and walk and buy your scratchers, your scratchers. Oh man, did he fart when he was in here?
Speaker 2:I don't think so.
Speaker 1:It smells like ass in here now.
Speaker 2:I belched. Oh my god. I don't care what you guys do at home, don't bring it here.
Speaker 3:Don't bring that shit here, sorry.
Speaker 1:She's like. This drink tastes like a dirty penny. I love this shit. Alright, let's do the MI. You love this show? All right, let's do the. Am I the Asshole? You ready for Am?
Speaker 3:I the Asshole. I don't know why we're not more popular.
Speaker 2:I mean we are to us, that's right.
Speaker 1:There was like 15 people watching. Are there? Until I brought up religion?
Speaker 3:All right, you guys ready? Yeah, all right. So me and my boyfriend have been together for years and live together. We don't have kids. We're very happy. Good communication. There is one issue that drives me nuts, oh no.
Speaker 3:We use a joint account to buy food for us, usually shopping together a few times a month and then one of us picking up things here and there. I cook dinner almost every night and we don't eat a ton of junk, but occasionally I'll buy things we love for the weekend or just enjoy indulge here and there. So when they get high issue is that I go to bed on the early side and he stays up late he gets the munchies full ham on any junk food we have around on any given night of the week.
Speaker 3:I'm talking the entire family-sized bag of chips in the entire container of queso. Oh, wow, he is hot Gone in one setting. I was saving for a Friday margaritas. I went to make us root beer floats and a quart of ice cream and two liters of soda Gone.
Speaker 2:Oh, wow.
Speaker 3:This is after two days. We're already gone. He doesn't ever replace anything. He just gives me a sheepish smile when I ask where the rest of something is, knowing he ate it all. So last night, after clearing up, you know, after cleaning up the kitchen after dinner, I put all the candy shelf-stable in a different place where he wouldn't find them. He found it, didn't he? No, it's a typical guy thing. He didn't look hard enough, probably.
Speaker 1:Right, he stumbled. He's like, oh, celery's good.
Speaker 3:He went ballistic after I went to bed and all that and all the good food was gone, even though I had just cooked a nice dinner. I told him welcome to my world. As this is constantly happening when I go and have nothing that's been purchased. He said I was treating him like a child and I said he was acting like one.
Speaker 1:Oh, that has solved the problem.
Speaker 3:I don't care that he indulges but literally finish off. Every bite of something that's been bought for us to enjoy is getting really old. It's not a weight or money thing, it's just I want him to leave maybe one portion of something, or maybe we can enjoy it together. So until he can show me some willpower, I told him I won't be keeping any junk food around for him to gorge, unless something he he has purchased himself part of me thinks this is funny, which is why I think I might be the asshole, but I think he needs to figure out how to share.
Speaker 3:figure out how to consume the, not consume the entire lot of food. What do you think?
Speaker 2:I think we've all had this situation where it was like what the hell I left that shit in the fridge. Why'd you eat my leftovers?
Speaker 1:Leftovers and shit purchased at the grocery are two different ball fields.
Speaker 3:Leftovers is fair game.
Speaker 1:I think, well, I have a rule in my house, okay, and I mean this sincerely.
Speaker 3:More than two days, it's free here 24 hours, 24 hours.
Speaker 1:Gotcha, you bring it into the door at 8 pm, at night at 8.02. That shit's free game for me. I'm just saying Because after that you haven't eaten in a day, You're probably not going to get around to eating it.
Speaker 2:No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It does not last 24 hours at our house. Don't be lying.
Speaker 1:It depends on the leftover, it depends my best to hold to that 24 hours.
Speaker 2:And I like to eat my leftovers. I don't want to eat them the next day because I just had it. I want to wait until the second day, usually.
Speaker 3:I eat it the next day, yeah, or that night. Save it for work the next day or something no, so I get bored. I get bored with food.
Speaker 2:You're a bored eater I can't eat the same thing for a couple days.
Speaker 3:I can eat it for at least two or three days. The only thing maybe is spaghetti lasagna chili.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but on that note, I love how Kim's like I can't eat anything and then it's like, well, let me get my list. No, there's only a few things that I don't get tired of to wear.
Speaker 2:I'm like I just had that last night. I don't want it anymore.
Speaker 3:Because there was a popsicle left and I wanted it, but she wanted it left. And I wanted it, but she wanted it. And then we proceeded to fight over it and she threw it on the ground.
Speaker 2:You know what? Neither of you got it. No, it was in a wrapper.
Speaker 4:I earned that popsicle. It was the last one, and it was for me, and I had it in my hands and the only thing to do was throw it on the ground, keep it away from me. So when you threw it on the ground.
Speaker 1:Did you throw it in a place where you could get it? Yeah, so it was still in the wrapper, right, right, but I'm trying to understand your logic, are you? Saying at this point fuck both of us. Or were you putting it in a position where you could get to it Like if you guys were like bad at each other in a movie and it's the one gun did you throw? Said?
Speaker 4:popsicle in a location where you could get it. Yes, I could get it better. Yes, it was so that.
Speaker 1:I could hip check him and get him out of the way, I can really get to the popsicle. I love the fact that you guys are fighting over the last popsicle. Only in America. Only in America. Baby, only in America.
Speaker 3:I freaking love it I don't think she's the asshole.
Speaker 2:I don't, is she. I think that's just relationship.
Speaker 3:The first time doing it. I think it's funny. If you keep doing it, maybe then you're the asshole.
Speaker 1:First of all, it has to start with communication. If this is really such a big deal, you should have just addressed it.
Speaker 3:Address it first, before you die.
Speaker 1:Hey, quit eating it. Do me a favor, save me some of the queso. If he doesn't, then that's how a guy would handle it. Yeah, like if I lived with a dude like you and ponder, and I brought food in, and he brought food in and you, and then the shit I brought in, you wanted to eat some of it and didn't tell me, you just ate it, I wouldn't give two shit, I really wouldn't. If you ate it all. I might say hey well, I'd be like just save me a little next time or just let me know if you finished it.
Speaker 1:There's nothing worse than and I feel for this lady when you get excited about something.
Speaker 2:I got some Ben and Jerry's in the mug.
Speaker 3:I got some Ben and Jerry's.
Speaker 1:I can't wait to get some ice cream.
Speaker 2:Can't wait for that leftover and you go in and you're like what?
Speaker 1:the motherfuckers have eaten my shit.
Speaker 2:I paid the fucking bills and.
Speaker 3:I can't eat the leftover rice-a-roni. I love it.
Speaker 1:You know what I would say to this lady? I don't know that you're an asshole or he's an asshole. I think you two have a pretty good relationship, If that's the thing that you're going to comment on.
Speaker 2:That's the worst thing that you have to fight over.
Speaker 1:That's funny and maybe not give him an edible.
Speaker 3:I'm telling you right now If you're eating a whole bag of family-sized chips. I'm going to tell you right now I ate a whole jar of pickles.
Speaker 1:Drank the juice one night, didn't know it until I woke up next morning. It had nothing to do with marijuana, it had everything to do with alcohol, and the only reason I knew I consumed the entire jar was the jar was sitting there empty, with the lid next to it, and that could have been something.
Speaker 4:But then the plastic ring that goes around the lid.
Speaker 1:I'm like, oh, my sodium level's got to be good today that's going to be good I didn't pee for three days.
Speaker 2:I'm pickled. You drank and ate pickles.
Speaker 3:You were definitely pickled, pickled from the inside.
Speaker 1:I don't know, I feel like they're pretty good. Yeah, all right, you guys want to hear a couple stories and we'll call it a night.
Speaker 3:I like it. What do you got for us?
Speaker 1:Golly, this has been the most open show we've had, probably in six years, I think we needed it?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think so. All right, here's the first one. I love this A couple. Let me see how they want to start this. See, here's the thing. They start off with these goofy jokes and they're not right. I don't want to go that way. All right, all right, here we go. A crew in philadelphia was hard at work on, uh, yesterday morning this was three days ago pulling an suv out of the school cool river. So how to get there? Police say. Two people were at a park early morning getting it on in the backseat of their 2020 Range Rover.
Speaker 2:That's a nice vehicle. That is a nice vehicle. How did you knock that dude out of park?
Speaker 1:When the woman accidentally hit or kicked the gears. I love the fact that they were so passionately into it. Couldn't even tell. I don't know what body part hit it it was either my foot or my hand. The SUV rolled straight into the water, but luckily they made it out and weren't injured. It's not clear of, uh, what level of undress they were in at the time I'm going to guess they were pretty much, I'm going to say, yeah, yeah, a dive crew had to be called in poo bear poo
Speaker 1:bear. No, that's the first thing we do is we take that shirt off. That's the poo bear poo bear? No, that's the first thing we do is we take that shirt off. That's a, it's a guy thing. And uh, a tow company pulled the suv out. It ended up submerged in nine feet of water, 50 feet from the shore 50 feet.
Speaker 2:Did they, like dukes of, hazard it out there?
Speaker 1:well, I think. I'm assuming maybe the current got a hold of it.
Speaker 3:The size of the hill they went down.
Speaker 1:Now why were the so Range Rover? These people have money. They probably have a house. They're not married to each other.
Speaker 3:are they? I was going to say, are they? I'll be sure this is a I bet they're cheating on each other.
Speaker 2:Or they're just trying to be experimental, experimental, trying to liven shit up, I don't know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I like how you're trying to be defensive. Yeah.
Speaker 3:I Take that shit to somewhere not near water. Well, why would you go to a park? Yeah, why would you leave the keys in?
Speaker 2:I don't know how you can change the gear, because normally you have to press the brake to be able to change a gear?
Speaker 1:No, you can just the stick shift in the middle. Oh, you think it's a manual shift. No, I think it could be just the other. They just feel it neutral.
Speaker 2:But I don't know, I can't get mine out of park unless I have the brake pedal push.
Speaker 1:Well, you own a 2020 Range Rover.
Speaker 2:No, and neither do they now. Oh shit, it's a boat.
Speaker 3:They turned it into a submarine.
Speaker 1:They're like we can take this to see the Titanic Might last better than another one dude a little bit longer, hey, anyway. Um, where's the weirdest place you and josh have ever? What's the weirdest place you've ever Back of a?
Speaker 3:Volkswagen.
Speaker 2:That's the most uncomfortable.
Speaker 1:You have a thing for taste pieces? Huh, Alright, here's our second story. A Rhode Island cop got arrested at Gillette Stadium in Massachusetts last Saturday for peeing on a random woman's cowboy boots at a Kenny Chesney concert.
Speaker 3:She probably deserved it.
Speaker 1:Yeah well, His name is Shane Lynch and he wasn't on duty at the time, he's just a Kenny Chesney fan. They were both standing in the pit by the stage when the woman felt warm liquid hit her leg turned around and saw Shane with his zipper down. He had a Bud Light in one hand and his junk in the other.
Speaker 2:Now, anytime that I've ever seen somebody pee at a concert. They normally have their shorts pulled over to the side and just Let the yeah, good times roll yeah.
Speaker 1:Security described him as extremely intoxicated he was swaying back and forth, his pants were wet and his eyes were almost closed. I don't know what's greater if being able to read this story of the fact that this poor guy has to relive this now for the rest of his life, like no one will ever forget that shane lynch, a rhode island police officer, pissed his pants and a woman in the same day uh, they were boots. They pulled him off to the side.
Speaker 1:Then, while they were talking to him, he started being a kid he got arrested for disorderly conduct but his case was dismissed after he agreed to pay a hundred dollar in court cost. The woman he peed on said her boots were 180 dollars, smelled of urine and are no longer wearable she wasn't wearing.
Speaker 3:This is probably the first night she wore them, oh that sucks.
Speaker 1:I feel for her, though. I mean, if you drop 180 dollars on something, even if you only wear it the first time, I don't want somebody pissing on it.
Speaker 2:Don't wear it to a concert. R Kelly concert. Oh.
Speaker 3:You said R Kelly concert.
Speaker 1:It's not clear if I have to pay her back for those.
Speaker 2:I hope he does just out of kindness, yes, out of kindness, especially since he got off with a $100 ticket.
Speaker 1:The chief of police at his department in Cranston, Rhode Island, said an investigation is underway. Underway Underwear Underway.
Speaker 2:Please don't investigate his underwear. They're pretty busy.
Speaker 1:They're wet, yeah, and adding that all officers know they are held to a higher standard, even when they're not on duty.
Speaker 3:Come on, man, just let me cut loose a little bit. A little bit, it's Kenny Chesney, man Come on.
Speaker 1:Come on, man, kenny Chesney, it was on the outside of her boot.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's great.
Speaker 3:When the sun goes down.
Speaker 1:It went down in there. It's in the boot. Her foot was marinating in his urine Her foot. Her foot was in the boot marinating in her urine.
Speaker 2:There's nothing worse than wet feet oh.
Speaker 1:Except when it's urine.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying. If it's urine, yeah, definitely Even worse. Oh.
Speaker 1:Oh gee.
Speaker 3:All right here's our last story. What's that last one?
Speaker 1:A high school phys ed teacher got arrested in Texas last Monday. After calling the police, he told them that the hooker he hired had stole his money. It's me that the hooker he hired had stole his money. This is why I love American politics Don't bother me. His name is Rolando Ramos. He's a gym teacher at he was a gym teacher.
Speaker 3:He was At Seguroa.
Speaker 1:High School in Laredo, texas, right near the Mexico border. He's also the quarterback's coach for their football team. Police showed up and that's when he told them he paid a prostitute for sexual services. He said the worker took a hundred dollars and ran away. It sounds like he wanted them to track her down and get his hundred bucks back, but instead they arrested him for soliciting a prostitute oh geez uh, they did eventually find the sex worker nearby.
Speaker 1:It's not not clear if Rolando got his money back or not. The school he works for say he immediately was put on administrative lead. Kyle, put your pants down. Pending the investigation of the outcome?
Speaker 3:I think it's pretty much closed. Yeah, he's closed. Yeah, he's closed.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, open, shut he's going to be hanging out with that cop, the peeing cop, yeah, the peeing cop.
Speaker 3:It's about as bad as calling the cops for somebody taking your money and not giving you your drugs you wanted.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but I don't know if you could get in trouble for that.
Speaker 3:I would just laugh at you. You can't get soliciting for drugs, can you?
Speaker 2:Yes, it's called causing a disturbance or something.
Speaker 1:Really.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Oh wow, yeah Well, just I can't remember exactly what it says. If you can't call the police for your prostitutes, what can you call them for? For being?
Speaker 3:at a place where people are buying drugs To the high school you're working at. No, come on.
Speaker 1:I love how the story just randomly puts in that he's also the quarterback coach, right Quarterback coach for the high school.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you know he's out scouting. Anyway, alright.
Speaker 1:Well, I hope the four of you that watched the show for more than 30 seconds.
Speaker 3:Enjoyed it At least. It was entertaining to watch.
Speaker 1:It was very open and honest about a lot of things. We hope you enjoyed that. In all seriousness, we do appreciate you hanging out with us watching the After Two Beers podcast. We've been doing this a long time and I'm really trying to come up with any way that I can to get this conversational and get it of interest to everybody, get everybody involved, yeah, just join in.
Speaker 1:That's why, throughout the politics thing, obviously we're not that kind of crowd. We are more the Jerry Springer crowd. Apparently there's nothing wrong with that. I just know now where we stand. Yes, so we'll bring more cop pissing.
Speaker 3:I was going to say we're more cop pee booting.
Speaker 1:I want to find out more information about this Range Rover because I am convinced that is a marital expedition. That is not associated together.
Speaker 2:It wasn't a Ford, it sounded like a couple. Yeah, well, yeah, that night they were Well that's true, they were coupling, they were pegging, anyway, anyway.
Speaker 1:All right. Thanks again to our buddy Kevin Shook, here at E Studios. He puts up with this madness every two weeks.
Speaker 4:God love him.
Speaker 1:We'll be back in two weeks and do this again. Actually, yeah, every two weeks.
Speaker 2:Right, Do in two weeks and do this again Actually, yeah, every two weeks. Right? Do you know what you guys want to do? Yeah, every other week.
Speaker 1:Yeah, maybe I don't know. We'll talk to Kevin. He's really in charge of all this, but he has this phenomenal studio here that if you want to come in and record this kind of madness, he'd be more than happy to.
Speaker 3:I'll just come down and see how it goes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the 12th, I'll be out. I'll be pissing somebody's boots on the 12th.
Speaker 1:You just want to brag about something you're going to Probably your own boots. You just want to be like.
Speaker 2:I want to talk about me. I'm going to go see Posty Probably your own boots. But, whatever you never know.
Speaker 1:Gross.
Speaker 1:Anyway thanks again to our Patreon sponsors that help pay the bills, that allow us. I got to give Gibbler some money for this blazing apple candle that she gave us this evening. And you know, without further ado, we say it at the end of every show and it is by far the most important thing we'll ever say on the show, and it's simply this Mental health is a big deal, and I was happy to hear at least part of the candidates that are running really start to discuss this as an issue, and you know I was thinking earlier today. They talk about how the country is more divided than ever, and obviously that's not true. Yeah, I mean hell. In the 1800s we literally divided ourselves.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Like we're, I think it's just that everybody has access now to social media, so it's easier to share your opinions, and when you're a keyboard warrior, it's easier to respond to things Maybe not as maybe a little more aggressively than you would if you weren't necessarily on a keyboard, but regardless, one of the things that I think is easy to pick up is when somebody's struggling, and that is one of the benefits of social media, and it's simply this the world is hard, it's very hard.
Speaker 4:It's very hard.
Speaker 1:And you know, honestly, we do this show just to try to bring a bit of happiness at our expense.
Speaker 3:For you If somebody could just laugh at us for a little bit.
Speaker 2:This is our therapy though An hour a night.
Speaker 1:But regardless, if you see someone in your life that you think they're struggling, at our age people are starting to deal with parents that have to go into assisted living homes. You've got kids that are going away to college and some people don't deal with emptiness very well and all kinds of things Just if you feel like they're struggling, reach out to them, just ask them how they're doing, how they've been, or just let them know you care about them and appreciate them. You'd be surprised how something so small might mean the absolute world to them. All right, gibbler, I think without further ado, we will post it on our Facebook page, but we will talk to them all next time.
Speaker 2:After two beers