After 2 Beers

#189 After 2 Beers: Flying Mummies, Minor Leagues, Major Laughs

• After 2 Beers • Episode 189

Share episode

A small-town team name shouldn’t spark this much chaos—but “Flying Mummies” does exactly that. We kick off with Richmond’s new wooden-bat league squad and tumble into a spirited roast of the home uniform pants, why minor league branding matters, and how a clever identity can pull a whole community together. It’s fun, fast, and surprisingly tender as we weigh how design lands on real bodies and why kids need merch that feels cool, not costume-y.

From there, the conversation widens into life’s messier innings: a grocery-line moment that unravels decades of marriage fatigue, the quiet fear of aging alone, and the uncomfortable truth that technology might become our most reliable safety net. We get candid about fall detection, social isolation, and whether future companionship could look more like AI than a spouse. It’s not dour—we’re laughing through it—but the questions linger in a good way.

Then we grab the headlines with an office trend that wants shoes left at the door, an ultra-marathon that requires Taco Bell pit stops, and two animal stories that test our moral reflexes: peacocks on the plate and a classroom snake fed a kitten. Where do we draw the line between livestock and pet, necessary feeding and needless trauma, spectacle and sport? We don’t preach; we explore—the way friends do when the mics are on and the takes are hot.

If you’re here for sharp banter, oddball news, and honest talk about how we actually live now, hit play. Subscribe, share with a friend who loves minor league mayhem, and leave a review with your hottest team-name or uniform take—we’ll read the best ones on air.

Support the show

SPEAKER_02:

Welcome to the After Two Beers Podcast. I'm Dutch Dalton, joined as always by Kimi Ross.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, that's me.

SPEAKER_02:

And Michael Summers. What's going on? Mr. Jeremy Screddy is on location tonight. He is uh in on vacation in Hollywood, Florida. Really? Yeah. Have you ever been to Hollywood, Florida? No. I've been once. I went there on my senior trip in high school. Yeah. Me and uh five dude, it was me and four other guys. Right. And we were packed into like a uh, I think it was like a firebird. Even better. And we drove to Hollywood, Florida. Wow. And it is way down there. Is that by Orlando? No.

SPEAKER_00:

It's in between Tampa and Miami. Not even close. Well, technically. Fort Lauderdale in Miami. Yes. Fort Lauderdale in Miami.

SPEAKER_02:

It's a way down there, right? But uh anyway, it was like uh Golden Girls where I was. But this was 27 years old. You're young, you don't care. Well, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

I was gonna say I went to Clearwater for my senior trip.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, you probably had way more fun than I did.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I literally was visiting a golden girl. My stepdad's grandma was still alive. She's like 102.

SPEAKER_02:

Wow. So we got to visit her for a yeah I got to hang outside a uh a convenience store for 45 minutes until I talk somebody in buying a case of beer. Hey, you do what you do on your vacations, I'll do what I do on mine. Welcome to the After Two Beers podcast. As I've mentioned, I'm Dutch Dalton, and uh we appreciate you stopping in this evening or listening. Our numbers are going through the roof. Yeah, come on, Brain. I love it. I love the fact that uh, you know, we've been doing this now for a little over eight years and we continue to grow. We're almost at 40,000 listens. Right. As long as you keep liking and sharing it and just that's what Joe Rogan gets in an hour after he watched his show, but it's still pretty cast. Uh thanks to our buddy Kevin Shook here at Global Media Enterprises. Without Kevin, we probably wouldn't be uh this consistent with it for sure. And uh he just helps us continue to grow the numbers. And Kevin is busy throughout the community. He is a man around the town. Yeah, he is uh doing all kinds of things now. And uh, we're gonna talk about one of his newest ventures coming up. Um I can't wait to talk about this one. Thanks to our uh Patreon sponsors. There are still some of you out there that are still helping us out. We greatly appreciate it. Yeah. If you like the show, you want to support the show, all you have to do is go to patreon.com backslash after to beard.

SPEAKER_00:

Are you struggling there?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, the uh the mic's slipping down a little bit. You know, this is the thing about a guy's fan handling it. Well, I like to caress it.

SPEAKER_00:

If you cup it from the bottom, it's fine.

SPEAKER_02:

If I'm doing my job, I'd have stayed pert. Otherwise stay right there.

SPEAKER_01:

It'll stay right there. Uh worst things have happened. I'm sorry. Worst things have happened.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I don't know what.

SPEAKER_01:

I think those are older mics.

SPEAKER_03:

I think those are older mics, at least we hope.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, yeah, they were. Yeah, not these. Uh all right. Uh so coming up on tonight's show, we're gonna talk about the flying mummies, Richmond's new um wooden bat league team. Can't wait. Uh I uh I've got a story I want to share with both of you. I think this could be our bonfire discussion. Okay. Uh I saw it at the grocery store, and um, you know, my mind, it just runs. Yeah. And so I can see just one moment in time and then just, you know, build a synopsis of yeah, we're gonna talk about that. And then we got a couple after two beers news stories, as uh we always do here on the show.

SPEAKER_03:

Yep.

SPEAKER_02:

So let's go ahead and let's jump right out of the uh the right out of the gate with a local story.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay, do it.

SPEAKER_02:

We're gonna talk about the flying mummies now. If you uh if you look at our audio numbers, very few people from Richmond listen to the show. Hello, Germany. Oh, we are all over. Uzbekistan on there? We have our last show was listening to on like four different continents. Right. That's kind of cool if you really think about it. We're global, baby. Yeah. Now the uh the numbers they give us on Facebook isn't as clear, but uh yeah, every show we have a pocket of people Paris, France suddenly is listening. I I don't know what's going on. Love it.

SPEAKER_00:

But anyway, they were they were listening about the French Indian War.

SPEAKER_02:

But it was they're like, when are they gonna talk about it? Our uh our first story for right, just keep stringing them along. Oh man. Uh our first story, uh, it's not really, I guess it's a story. Here locally, a uh it's a wooden bat league. Uh Kevin actually probably knows way more about the league than I do. Kevin Phillipson, the uh hat. I do have the hat. Richmond has a uh a new wooden bat league team. Yeah, it is called the Flying Mummies. You see there, there's an R with um I guess it's like a mummy with aviator glasses.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Well, it's not a mummy, it's an R. But it's like a mummified R. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes.

SPEAKER_02:

There you go. We're gonna talk about that. People get pissy about mummies.

unknown:

Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

I uh believe me, I did all the research. I I drive a lot. Me and Chat GPT, we have lots of discussions about lots of things. I'm telling he's in my new travel buddy. Heaven knows you talk to Chat GBT, right? Oh, we have a relationship.

SPEAKER_00:

I was gonna say, do you guys name your chat GPT?

SPEAKER_02:

No, we're gonna talk about that too. All right. So uh let's let's just get right out of the the the gate, like I said, flying mummies. Um, as most of our listeners are not from Richmond, uh, I just want to kind of give you some background on it. It's it and at right off the bat, it's a scary concept if you really think about it. Flying mummies? You got a flying mummy coming at you? A mummy is basically a zombie. Yes, right? Are we now we're talking flying in the air or just like really fast? Well, apparently flying, because if you look at the uh the logo does have aviators on it. Yeah, well, it looks like uh like uh what was uh who fought uh Snoopy, the Red Baron? The Red Baron, yeah. It looks kind of like a Red Baron, but uh as a mummy. And I was thinking about this is some scary shit if you really thought about it. It's like the walking dead, but you put them in Apache helicopters like that would scare the shit out of you, right? Absolutely. Like if you're an opponent, you're like, who are we fighting or playing tonight? The flying mummy. What the hell? What we don't stand a chance. Like I said, they're gonna be chasing them around Scooby-Doo style. Now, again, if you live outside Richmond, here's why it makes sense for us here locally to be called the Flying Mummies. First of all, a uh a Richmond High School alumni was Mr. Wilbur Wright. Wilbur apparently is the one that did all the work, by the way. His brother was just there for take your little brother with you. Yeah, he's like Kardashian. Put his name on it. Ah, do I have to put his name on it? Can it just be the Wilbur experience? No, it has to be Wilbur Wright. And then, so in addition to the fact that Wilbur Wright is a famous Richmond High School graduate, yeah, we have in this community two mummies. Not one.

SPEAKER_00:

But two.

SPEAKER_02:

But two. Two of the three in the state of Indiana. Wow.

SPEAKER_00:

Where's the other one?

SPEAKER_02:

Uh I'm not too sure. Yeah, it's probably somebody's house. Yeah. Uh now, exciting news. It's TVD. Flying Mummies just got beat. Uh, just one. Um, it also, the second place name also included something local.

SPEAKER_00:

Uh and uh because it was a contest where like local people got to vote on the next one.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes. Second place was Jim Jones Jazzy Juicers.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh my gosh. You're lying. You're such a liar. Stop it.

SPEAKER_02:

It looked like the Kool-Aid man, but it had like a uh, you know, like he was had a pet monkey that he sold.

SPEAKER_00:

Was he breaking out of like a dugout?

SPEAKER_02:

Jim Jones Jassy Juicers.

SPEAKER_00:

You know how you hit the home run and everybody just like falls down and passes out.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, free grape Kool-Aid for everybody.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh my gosh. The most free grape Kool-Aid for the kiddos. Oh. You know, you know how you know you're from a small town when people get excited because you have two mummies. Right. Right? That's like a big damn deal. I started, I was I was looking into it. Like, I was like, maybe this is a big deal. It really isn't a big deal to be a mummy. Apparently, it was pretty uh it was a bougie way to be buried back in the day. Yeah. This was like 250 to 10,000 BC. Right. I'm looking into this, and it was for the elite. It was basically people that had money, and this was their way of trying to make it to the afterworld in full regalia. You know, river sticks. Right.

SPEAKER_00:

My biggest thing is, why do you want to be buried in something like tight and binding when I'd rather be wear like buried in my life? Why would you know? Just in case. Just in case.

SPEAKER_02:

To give people an idea, I was thinking about this. A mummy today, like this planet has been around for billions of years, right? Well, maybe.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, look, Jeremy, you're not even here. We don't need to go through.

SPEAKER_02:

Anyway, so the planet's been around for a long damn time. Right. Right? And this would be the equivalent. A mummy is basically having like 2,500 years from now, yeah, somewhere in Africa, they're gonna have like, hey, we have a body that's in a wooden box. We dug it up at a funeral at in Indiana. Yeah, it's the same idea. Yeah. Basically, people were going around in the 1800s, 1900s, and they found this body. Yeah, you know, it was just wrapped in bandages, and they're like, shit, I want one of those.

SPEAKER_00:

They could do we know who they are that are.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, some they do. That's the whole point. You can't say mummy because it's uh it's even mummy now is a woke issue, right? Like you have to give respect to the thing.

SPEAKER_00:

What do they identify by?

SPEAKER_02:

You've got to call them by their name or a mummified Charmin Ultra. Charmin Ultra. He said Garvin Ultra. Not Charmin.

SPEAKER_00:

Charmin Ultra. Mummified Charlotte.

SPEAKER_02:

You don't want to squeeze these things, I can promise you. Um, but anyway, these mummies were people that had money that went around. You could buy one. The equivalent to today's dollar was a thousand bucks. Are you serious? That was all it costs. You're basically like, hey, you want a dead body? I can get you a dead body. You want a toe? I can get you a toe. Right. It was like, oh, I mean, in Indiana alone, you drive down country roads, there's a random ass cemetery out in the middle of the night's cornfield. You're like, I can go get you a body.

SPEAKER_00:

You can rent the backhoe for$250.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, well, that's what the mummy is, right? And then you've got, like I said, Wilbur Wright. Now, I'm not hating on the uh the pick of the name. I do think Jim Jones Jazzy Juicers would have been hilarious the stuff. Oh, God. Oh, can you imagine the uh outrage? No, I was thinking of the nights you could have. Oh my god, it'd be amazing. Anyway, I want to talk about the real story. The real story about these flying mummies. They have it's not my crawl so much as they have released the uniforms. I'm gonna ask my buddy Kevin here, who is gonna work directly with the uh uh the flying mummies. I don't know. Yeah, you're gonna be fine. I could call Uncle Rico right now. You should after I get through this part. Um let's talk about these uniforms. Specifically the home uniform. The most important uniform you got. The one that you want little kids, like, I have to have that uniform. I want to dress up.

SPEAKER_00:

What up?

SPEAKER_02:

I opened the window, so you're gonna hear some. We're in the the heart of downtown radar.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes, but it's 67 degrees, so it's gorgeous out.

SPEAKER_02:

It's amazing. Anyway, all right, have you got that uniform ready? He's afraid, he's afraid to bring it up, isn't he? Yeah, a little bit. And he's like, oh man. What do you like about it?

SPEAKER_00:

I love it. Have you seen it? Yeah. I don't like it. Seriously I love it. I think it's just really cute. I do. The only thing that I'm not a huge fan of is like the stripes in the crotchal region.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh my god. It just looks like a wrapped-up mummy. All right. First of all, can you skip? There's a picture of the actual player wearing one of these things, okay? And it's a way better picture. And uh if you go to our mayor's Facebook page, he posted all about it.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, put it on someone else.

SPEAKER_02:

I just did.

SPEAKER_01:

All right, thanks.

SPEAKER_02:

I just said he posted it.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm not hating on the team.

SPEAKER_02:

That's the whole point.

SPEAKER_00:

It's that this needs to be a uniform that will fit everyone. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Everyone. Can you bring up the picture of the gentleman wearing the uniform? Oh, for for well, because we're mummies, right? I like the mummies. Oh, here it is. All right. All right, here it is. Okay. Look at this uniform. Specifically the pants.

SPEAKER_00:

I still like it though. Do you? Would you wear that? I would wear that.

SPEAKER_02:

I'd wear that. Seriously?

SPEAKER_00:

Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Would you wear those pants?

SPEAKER_00:

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02:

Right now in real life. My ass, you wouldn't wear those pants. His pants look like a topographic map. He looks like if he laid down and got a heart on it, it would look like Mount Everest. Like you wouldn't have a trail. Honestly, it's like the lines aren't even obviously because they're trying to go for a bandage appearance, right?

SPEAKER_00:

But they should have gone in different angles for the bandage, especially on.

SPEAKER_02:

You really can if they were going to be wrapped up. It looks like a Halloween costume you would have bought in the 80s that had the plastic mask, and you're like, oh, you're a mummy.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh I did dress as a mummy one year. Yes. See?

SPEAKER_02:

I don't mind it. You don't mind it. No. Look at his like you can see the bulge because have you been meat gazing all day at this dude's cross?

SPEAKER_01:

He has been in a pants. All day long. It's a good thing. Last night he texted me. He's like, I'm gonna destroy those pants. I said, ah, try them on.

SPEAKER_03:

That would.

SPEAKER_02:

That was actually a really good joke, by the way. Look at the guy in the picture. He's smiling like even he knows he's like, man. He was like an Earlham baseball player.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, Rick, I don't give two shits what school he went to. Look at this.

SPEAKER_00:

He's like, yeah, man, do they pan down a little?

SPEAKER_02:

Like somebody else agreed.

SPEAKER_00:

No.

SPEAKER_02:

They look like a uh pajama outfit you would buy at the Dollar General. I see that, but like you know, you're like, hey, will you run down and grab a gallon of milk and some?

SPEAKER_00:

I like it because it goes with the theme. I I actually really kind of like it.

SPEAKER_02:

Really?

SPEAKER_00:

Yes.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm just ready for him to get here so I can watch them baseball and river.

SPEAKER_00:

Right? I love going to the games.

SPEAKER_02:

I just want to say I miss the roosters and the river rats. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

I wanted to be the rooster so bad. There you go.

SPEAKER_02:

They're just going through all the potential names. I don't mind the logo so much, except I don't know what he's doing with his hands. But look at that universe. Yeah, he's like, hey.

SPEAKER_00:

When I do this podcast, I don't know what to do with the floor. Is he running? He's giving you your thumbs up.

SPEAKER_02:

Here's the other thing I have with the uniform. Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

He looks like he's about to go dive. He's running.

SPEAKER_02:

There's no actually tie-in to whatsoever to the flying part. It's just a mummy. And it even says mummies across it.

SPEAKER_00:

But he has like the aviators, like the No, he has a logo.

SPEAKER_02:

He has a logo. All over the mountains. Yeah. Uncle Rico is involved though. I just want to help Uncle Rico out, man. Just get some new pants. We'll figure out these pants. We'll get them figured out. This is the first year, man. They'll have a redesign. Don't worry about it. I'm just saying the pants are fucking horrible. Nah, they'll figure it out. And if you took a fart in those pants, those lines would move. It would look like a lie detector test.

SPEAKER_00:

But honestly, like how many football uniforms have you looked at and been like, oh man.

SPEAKER_02:

Nothing with those kinds of pants.

SPEAKER_00:

If you asked a crackhead right now, Arizona Carterman had weird ones the other day.

SPEAKER_02:

If you asked a crackhead, I need you to draw me a baseball uniform, but I want it to be of the Michelin man that has taken a bunch of Ozimpic and lost weight. And you've got 30 seconds. And if it's a good job, I'll give you a brand new crack rock. That is what they would draw.

SPEAKER_00:

Come on.

SPEAKER_02:

Say it a little louder. You got the window open. Oh, well, you know what?

SPEAKER_00:

Somebody say something about a crack rock.

SPEAKER_02:

Tell her to come back later. Yeah. Hey, all I'm saying is this. I want to see you in that outfit.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

And you. I'll do it. Do it. I'm gonna do it. I want to be the mascot. We can be a good one.

SPEAKER_00:

He can get this to happen.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm gonna be the mascot. Umk's coming up here for a show. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

I like I said, I love the logo. Uh if I I love the concept of it. Right. Uh it's just the pants. It's just the pants, man.

SPEAKER_00:

Pants if you can't like change the theme of the pants at the top.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, right. You know, in the uh 70s, the White Sox played in baseball or shorts. Right. Yeah. So there it's not the worst, it but it's up there. These pants are not good. They aren't good.

SPEAKER_00:

I don't mind.

SPEAKER_02:

Um would you wear them? Padre in real life. Padre's old collars.

SPEAKER_00:

I was going to be sure.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh. Anyway, those are awful pants.

SPEAKER_00:

You have to understand the some of the shit that we had to wear playing softball through the years and all of the other stuff.

SPEAKER_02:

You're looking at a kid that wore husky pants that for years my pants were white. Just straight ass white.

SPEAKER_00:

As long as they're not corduroy and it sounds like I'm like about to my pants were either black or blue.

SPEAKER_02:

Right.

SPEAKER_01:

Anyway, they're going to get stonewashed?

SPEAKER_02:

No, you're too fat. You get black or blue.

SPEAKER_01:

Now that we're done talking about them, you want me to start streaming this?

SPEAKER_02:

I love it. You know what? And I will say this as a guy that was fortunate enough to be a uh a color commentary guy as a teenager for the Richmond Roosters here locally. I loved it. I uh I got I've got to do a lot in this community, and one of my absolute favorite things was working and doing that every day at the home games, anyway. And I mean this sincerely. I hope they do great. I as far as an organization goes, it's such a cool opportunity here locally. And uh what's really cool about it is these are kids that are trying to make it. Yeah. You know what I mean? They're playing literally from the love. Yeah. And League's been around for a while since 94. I think I think it's very cool. And and I've reached out to them months ago and they didn't respond. Maybe that's part of my game. That's why that's part of my feelings. Part of my feelings got hurt. I offered to help in any way I can, and I'll keep talking about them on this show.

SPEAKER_00:

You know, everyone I do want to see what this Rock City trash pandas look like. It's pretty good. Like, what is that logo? Can you pull that up? Because I kind of like to get a lot of things.

SPEAKER_02:

It looks like a super raccoon. It's actually pretty badass. Yeah, I was just going through the league names tonight, and they're awesome. Some good team names. Yeah. This is the beauty of minor league baseball. Oh, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00:

Is you can just say So where is Rocket City? Uh I couldn't tell.

SPEAKER_03:

We'd have to look that up. I'm not sure what it would have been.

SPEAKER_02:

We're turning into a minor league baseball show here. Yeah, we are. I'm not mad about it. I love minor league baseball.

SPEAKER_00:

I mean, I obviously wore the right shirt tonight.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah? Oh, yeah, Rockford Peaches. All right. You know, um, while he pulls that up. Let's talk about my second story for this evening.

SPEAKER_03:

All right. What you guys are?

SPEAKER_02:

I um there we go. Uh let me set the scene. This this just happened this week. I uh I decide that I'm going to go to the grocery store and I buy a few items and uh I go to pay. And I'm in line to pay, and in front of me, there you go. It looks like you're from Madison, Alabama. I love it.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, that's cool.

SPEAKER_02:

Right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

He's got the little trash can lid on his head. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Now show me his uniform pants.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh my gosh, why are you so worried about the pants?

SPEAKER_02:

Oh my god, because you've never been overweight in high school. Those pants, like any kid that comes here is built like John Crook is gonna be like, shit, I gotta play home games in that. Oh, they'll love it.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, well, most home unis are white anyway.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the topography of it. It looks like fucking like a linear map to be able to like figure out where you're gonna camp.

SPEAKER_00:

You should put a red dot on it and be like, you are here. Exactly. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02:

Thank you. Quit giving me uh encouragement. All right. All right. You're at the grocery. What are we talking about? I'm at the grocery store, and uh I think you both can relate with this. And it's just it was the most funny thing, and this is where my I was talking earlier when my brain just goes off in different directions. This uh it was an older couple, let's say they're both in their 60s, and uh they've got a you know half a cart full of stuff, not a ton of shit. And um the cart the stuff is going up on the conveyor. Okay, you follow me so far?

SPEAKER_03:

Nope. Yep.

SPEAKER_02:

So uh on the conveyor is a box of donuts, right? And in this box, which is you know, it looks like it would hold a shirt at Christmas time. It's like the last case. And um the woman, the older woman in her 60s, she looks at the husband, I'm assuming her husband, and she goes, Why didn't you put those in a bag? And then the magic moment came. Oh no. The look on her face of like, how am I with this fucking idiot? She like, I have never in my life been able to see a glance. Disappointment. Oh, 50 years of disappointment. I should have listened to my mom. You that's what it looked like.

SPEAKER_00:

Why didn't you put this in a bag?

SPEAKER_02:

That's what she she goes. It was donut. There was like, like I said, six of them, and it was just of all the shit she could ask, and all the shit they could talk about as they approached the end of their life together, right? Is why didn't you put those in a bag? I didn't fucking want to, Margaret. And no, that's the he this is a beaten-down man.

SPEAKER_00:

So what did he say? What was his reply? He turned around and grabbed a bag.

SPEAKER_02:

He was a smart one. No, he dropped his head and didn't say shit. And I was thinking, more than 60 years on this planet, and this guy, I don't know how he made it to today, because up until now, he never even knew how to pick out fucking donuts. Right? That's how it felt. And then I thought, I'm like, how does he cope? Because he he was, I'll give him respect. He didn't say shit to her, he didn't get over excited, he just dropped his head and didn't and just kept putting shit onto the conveyor, right? And I'm like, I bet you he goes home and drinks like a motherfucker. Or he gambles, going to the garage, or he puts his nuts on her toothbrush. There you go, Margaret. Taste that.

SPEAKER_00:

How about put that in a bag, bitch?

SPEAKER_02:

Oh my god. I'm gonna give you a bag later. My nut sack.

SPEAKER_00:

That's what I'm he's like.

SPEAKER_02:

I can't wait till I get home. I'm so glad I fucked your sister 20 years ago.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh yeah. He's got some stories. He's just like, I was sitting there watching, I'm like, you know, 50% of marriages end a divorce, but it would be way higher. You got these two chicken shits that obviously are not in a place that's good, right? Like he's just so used to it. He's just like, eh. Oh. You know, I think a lot of people, and I was thinking about this, like, once you've been in a relationship for that long, you start thinking like, shit.

SPEAKER_00:

They were newly married, but you're not.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, yeah. Well, then No, not this guy. No.

SPEAKER_00:

No, he learned how to shut up.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, I mean, you they I think a lot of people at the end of their marriages or end of their livelihood as they're still married. I I think a lot of them are probably like, I ain't gonna do any better. Fuck it. I'm just gonna stick with what I got. Just stay right here. This is you know, and I was thinking about it, like, as a guy that was single for seven years after my divorce, right? And uh Jeremy Scrady, if he was still here, we'd be chatting about it tonight. Um, I know he used to call you every day because you fell down your steps one time.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes.

SPEAKER_02:

And you're 30s, and you're like, oh shit, right? Right. I wonder how many people stay married just because they don't want to be alone and the fear that one day they're gonna die.

SPEAKER_00:

And nobody'll realize that.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm not I'm worried my dogs are gonna eat me. Oh, they will. Right? Right? And the cat.

SPEAKER_00:

Do you ever look at your animals and go, which one of you would eat me first?

SPEAKER_02:

I wouldn't even be mad about it. Like if that's what keeps them alive. You gotta live, puppies. Come on. Right, eat on me. But I'm guessing that is why a lot of relationships, especially as they get older, they're just like, I'm stuck. I'm here. I'm fuck it, I'm done. I don't want to get eaten. I don't want to get eaten. I was thinking if they had an app right now that you could go into your phone, they probably do. It's like um, but it like it has a wearable so my watch. Right. The moment it's like, oh, he's dead.

SPEAKER_00:

No, they actually so it's funny because we were talking about that because I fell down my steps and I was like, my mom's gone. She was the only one that would like check on me regularly.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And nobody lived with me, and I had time, and I was like, if I would have really like been done, I'm just bleeding out at the bottom of my steps. How long would it have taken for somebody to notice?

SPEAKER_02:

Right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And it was like one of those epiphanies of like, so this is what single life is. This is what happens when your mom has passed and you have like you're single. And I'm just like, but no, not too long after that. They have a fall detection.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. I'm not talking about fall. I'm talking about like they know you're dead. And I I want them to alert someone, right?

SPEAKER_00:

My heart rate does not respect. Yeah, but it could be dead.

SPEAKER_02:

Right, right, exactly. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00:

Because I mean it checks your heart rate. I bet there's probably an ad I bet there's probably a monitor.

SPEAKER_02:

There's gotta be something. Yeah. But anyway, I think if people get more accustomed to that, they're gonna be like, well, then I don't need a spouse. Really? You know, as I get older, I understand now more and more why the golden girls made so much sense. Right. It was just four ladies that just live together. Why it makes sense, period. Oh my god, ask her. We're just gonna get a group of guys, buy buy an old school house.

SPEAKER_00:

Why am I excluded?

SPEAKER_02:

Well, guys' house. Look at this. Is what happens. They always want to be included, right?

SPEAKER_03:

See?

SPEAKER_02:

Can't we have a club? Don't worry. No, don't worry, we'll buy you an Uber home. You're gonna hang out, but you're not staying. This is why young people don't get married and have kids. Oh, it is. Kevin Shook is a perfect example. Kevin is on that generation, uh, that cusp of kids that have figured out why the hell should I get married? Hear me out on this, Kevin. 50% of adults my age and surrounded here, um, we don't make it when it comes to marriage. And um God hoping it goes well, because otherwise I've seen some shitty ends to marriages, right? Very much so. And if it works out for you, the worst you can lose is half your shit. Why would young people get married? And with the beauty of this phone, I can have food, alcohol, women, laundry, bronze your house. Everything I'd yeah, you know, I'm guaranteeing you that guy thought to himself, you know who would not throw shade at me in this grocery aisle as I'm paying? Your sister. My sex robot. They love me.

SPEAKER_01:

Gary V said, so yesterday he dropped a video and he said Who did Gary Vaynerchuk. This uh Gary Vanderchuck, by the way. Vaynerchuk. He's a he's a big serial entrepreneur and everything else. Okay. But he said he talks marketing and tech, but he said this century people will be marrying AI robots.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, I believe it.

SPEAKER_01:

They will be marrying a robot.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, but what's the point of uh getting married to something like that, though? Because marriage really is a it's a religious thing, it's uh and a commitment.

SPEAKER_01:

If this damn robot comes with health insurance, I'll marry it won't.

SPEAKER_02:

That's the whole thing. You never know.

SPEAKER_01:

You never know.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, well, AI.

SPEAKER_01:

Radio Shack might come back and insure it. You know what?

SPEAKER_02:

There's gonna be a chance in the future where the robot is the breadwinner. Oh yeah, right? Seriously, doing all the jobs like hey, I just want to sit at home and make podcasts all day.

SPEAKER_03:

Hey, honey, go to work. Okay, uh

SPEAKER_02:

No, I I totally get it. Like, I have two young kids, and um I think to myself, I'm like, you know, we were raised that uh life was you went to high school, you went to college, you had to go to college for some reason. They didn't push vocational schools or letting people want to just do whatever they wanted. And then you get married and you have kids. Right. And I think we're on the cusp now where kids are like, why? Why? Most people get divorced. These kids have been living through a split-up household, and they're like, I don't want nothing, no part of that. Oh it's horrible. So there you go.

SPEAKER_00:

There we go.

SPEAKER_02:

It's good to be back, aren't you?

SPEAKER_00:

Hey, I was so offended you guys don't want me in the frat house. I just left.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh yeah. Well, you know, yeah, do what you had to do. Oh, there you go. I I don't know. I just I sat there and I watched. Wait, you need a beer? Just speak up. This is a podcast. This ain't two beers. Shit, nobody's watching.

SPEAKER_00:

Bitch, give me a beer.

SPEAKER_02:

We're gonna have robots do that. I told Amanda the other day, like, uh, you know, you worry about as you get older and you've got to take care of your significant other. And uh, she's like, Would you like, you know, take care of me in the bathroom or do my hair? I'm like, no. Like, they're gonna have robots. I'll be like, Alexa, wipe Amanda's ass.

SPEAKER_00:

No, we're getting a bidet.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh my god, yeah, man. That's the beauty of robots. Robots, baby.

SPEAKER_00:

Hey, I've had like some uh like memory things lately where I'm like, did I tell you that? And he's like, Yes, you told me that. I'm like, all right, shady pines for me.

SPEAKER_02:

Here we go.

SPEAKER_00:

I said, please pick out a really nice place for me, though.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, you want to go to a nice place, right? You don't want to sit in your shit all day.

SPEAKER_00:

No, and uh yeah, like if I'm in a nursing home, there's not gonna be anybody like coming to visit me anyway, so just take me down south.

SPEAKER_02:

Just there you go. Seriously, you know, that's why those those villages in Florida, like people just want to go down and ride around their golf carts and play pickleball and live the rest of the big STDs. Huge.

SPEAKER_00:

You would think these It's not even just down there.

SPEAKER_02:

No, yeah, it's all nurse. It's a lot of guests.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, they got those purple pills, man. Get them pills going. It's not like they're gonna get pregnant.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, they don't they don't know video games like they do now. Anyway, all right. You guys ready to jump into some A to B news? What do you got? 30 minutes in, we're gonna talk about our first news story. Fortune magazine just did a story. There's a hot new work trend. It's leaving your shoes at the door and either walking around in slippers, socks, or barefoot. No. This is a horrible idea. That is a very horrible idea.

SPEAKER_00:

It depends what work environment you have.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, not me. I work with it. No, pretty much it doesn't matter. So I You're telling me that there ain't some people in there that have got some fucking nasty feet. Feet are gross gnarled toes.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm telling you right now that half of my co-workers probably walk around barefoot or in their socks.

SPEAKER_02:

Already? Wow. That's gross. You don't know that's gross. You said you'd do it.

SPEAKER_00:

I I do do it.

SPEAKER_02:

You I do do it. Do you sit in an office or a cube or a cube off office?

SPEAKER_00:

I've got my own office.

SPEAKER_02:

So a closed door, the whole deal.

SPEAKER_00:

If I want to close it, yes, but I normally have it open.

SPEAKER_02:

So when you have your well okay. But yes. So you you can you take your shoes off at your desk.

SPEAKER_00:

They're under my desk.

SPEAKER_02:

Now you get up in your office and walk around with your socks on or barefoot.

SPEAKER_00:

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02:

Do you leave your office barefoot?

SPEAKER_00:

I have.

SPEAKER_02:

That's gross. Yuck.

SPEAKER_00:

The only thing, the only thing is So I actually had some slippers at work too.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, see, there you go.

SPEAKER_00:

So I mean, they look like little, like Oh my god. Like the little Ug type slippers. Right. To where if I'm going to the bathroom, I'm definitely not going barefoot. I don't go into the kitchen area barefoot. But if I'm just walking around everywhere sometimes, no, Kimmy, no.

SPEAKER_02:

No. I like being barefooted. Oh, that's gross. No, I will say I have worn like slides to work sometimes because my back hurt so bad that I had to wait until I got there to put my shoes on. Because I'm like, oh, I can't do this right now. Right. But other than that, no.

SPEAKER_00:

Have you ever Have you ever accidentally worn the wrong shoes to work? Because like it's the shoes that you're walking around the house until you go to put shoes on and then you forget to put on shoes? I've had to turn around.

SPEAKER_02:

Good shoes and bad shoes.

SPEAKER_00:

I mean, like, essentially, I have to wear dress shoes.

SPEAKER_02:

Why do you care? You walk around barefoot.

unknown:

Oh, right.

SPEAKER_00:

Right? I only do that when the big boss is gone.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh my god. How many people work in the office?

SPEAKER_00:

So in my little area, there's 12.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm gonna tell you right now, 11 other people are like, you know, Kimmy walks around the fucking hell.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh no.

SPEAKER_02:

Eighty others do too.

SPEAKER_00:

No, I have my shoes on more than a lot of the others.

SPEAKER_02:

You guys ever just instead of nucks, you do feet and toes?

SPEAKER_00:

I give them a toes up instead of a shot.

SPEAKER_02:

Here's my problem with it, right? Like, I've worked with older ladies a lot and men and men. But I just can't imagine sitting in a meeting.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm not doing that in a meeting.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm just saying, let me let this is you leave them at the door, and you literally walk the entire day barefoot or sock related, right? What country is this in, though? United States. People take naps at work now. Well, they do that overseas now. Yeah, but my voice people do that over there. What's the difference for what you do? You basically do the same. You just walk all the way to the street.

SPEAKER_00:

I just want to have something on my feet when I walk into certain areas. Like the kitchen area, I have to have something cover my feet.

SPEAKER_02:

Why don't you just wear slides like he was saying? And then when you gotta go take a shot.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, a lot of times I do wear like little sandals, but then like during the winter it stinks, and then I have to have my slippers.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh man.

SPEAKER_02:

No, he's fucking nasty. I'm just picturing sitting in a meeting and somebody's got their foot up, right? And they, you know, I'm like that nasty at your toe. No, that nasty dry heel. Oh, yeah, you gotta hide that shit. Looks like the salt flats. Oh, crack. You're like, I think somebody can set a land speed record on their feet.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, you're like, how are they not bleeding? That crack is so wide. You're like, I saw the 128 hours.

SPEAKER_00:

Have you ever looked at people's feet and been like, I bet you have shredded your sheets at work, like at bed. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Like, you know, your feet look weird, right? Like the one that gets me is the when they're they overlap each other. Oh, they got the gnarled toes and bend up. They're all just like one of them's laying on one or the other. They're cuddling. Yeah, it looks like a like to me, it looks like a literal puppies. When they're sleeping, yeah. It looks like Labradors just laying on top of each other.

SPEAKER_00:

I have one toe that does it.

SPEAKER_02:

Are you serious?

SPEAKER_00:

It is because I did ballet and I broke those toes. So one has like a little bit of a When did you do ballet?

SPEAKER_02:

I've never even years did you do ballet?

SPEAKER_00:

From five until 13.

SPEAKER_02:

I had never I had no clue.

SPEAKER_00:

I know you would not think of it because I'm not real graceful.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, it's probably why your feet are all jacked up.

SPEAKER_00:

It is why my feet are all jacked up.

SPEAKER_02:

You know who have us also have jacked up feet? Yeah. NBA players.

SPEAKER_00:

But I didn't think my feet were that jacked up. No.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh my. You got toes that overlap.

SPEAKER_00:

I just have one and it's barely. It's just I really think. No, I'm not sure. I just say that if they're speeding.

SPEAKER_02:

Crossing your fingers. They still look like they got each other in a bear hug.

SPEAKER_00:

No, they're not that bad.

SPEAKER_02:

They're hugging it out. Have you seen LeBron James's feet? Oh my messed up. I'll tell you right now, if if Are they throwing gang signs? Oh, they're bad. They are bad. It looks like somebody threw a firecracker in a crowd of people and the toes are just going off in their own direction, like running away.

SPEAKER_00:

I wonder what Burrow's toe is gonna look like with that turf toenail.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh no, that's a ligament thing underneath. Well, it's still gonna make your like Well, I'm sure he'll have plenty of money. I don't know. I don't know. Toasting straight up.

SPEAKER_00:

He's gotta tape it down as well.

SPEAKER_02:

He's gonna have a boot that looks like the iron sheet. Right. Das boot. You know the one positive that would come though out of having people like have their feet exposed at work? What's that? I think it would cut down on workplace cheating. Because when somebody saw that. Hey, how you doing? Oh yeah. You know what? I gotta run. I got a meeting. Drinking together.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm gonna take you way back because we're old. You remember the movie Boomerang?

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Where like she was like very attractive, everything going on, and he like pulled the sheets up and saw them toes, and he was like, That's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_02:

You can't unsee a big ass button. You can't, man. That's all you're looking at. Oh, is that a knuckle dime? Is that another toe? What is that? That's like a wisdom tooth growing out of the side of your foot.

SPEAKER_00:

Sorry, Chris. We can't all have perfect toes like you.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm not saying that. I'm simply saying if I had like some jacked-up gangly ass feet, I don't. I think my toes look nice. I'd show them on here if it made us money.

SPEAKER_00:

I was gonna say that earlier. I was like, I will show you the fish.

SPEAKER_02:

I would have I've got all 10 of them. They're straight.

SPEAKER_00:

We're not charging.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. But my point is, I'm not going to wear.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, Andy Floyd. You remember his little trigger finger? I was there when that shit happened.

SPEAKER_02:

Trigger finger. What's it?

SPEAKER_00:

Uh Andy Floyd. So he uh was playing softball. And you know how you put your finger out the little hole in the bit?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

It ended up breaking, and now he has a trigger finger.

SPEAKER_02:

Uh well, that's here's the thing.

SPEAKER_00:

He's like, please stop making fun of people with messed up toes and fingers. That's not what I'm talking about.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm talking about people that have that toenail that has bent like almost into like a it looks like an arc.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, like just how does that not hurt?

SPEAKER_02:

It's gotta hurt like hell man. It's gotta smell funky too. Oh, I'm not smelling it. Come on now. It smells like corn chips. Anyway, all I'm saying.

SPEAKER_00:

I get dumb and dumber when they're brightening it down.

SPEAKER_02:

Andy, if your hand was extremely jacked up, I'd expect you to wear a glove at work.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, stop it.

SPEAKER_02:

Or like a cooking mitt. Oven mitt. Yeah. You know, I mean, if you got something funky going on.

SPEAKER_00:

Looking around like Grimace. Oh.

SPEAKER_02:

Can you get a prosthetic for that thing, man? Come on. Come on.

SPEAKER_00:

It's not bad.

SPEAKER_02:

All right, all right. Let's get into our last few stories we'll call tonight. You guys having fun? No, you need to be a good one. I am having a great time. Oh, yeah. I've been working on this shit for two weeks. Like, right now. This is what I do now.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, it's been what, three weeks since we recorded least.

SPEAKER_02:

Sounds like a minute, right? All right.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, yes. I missed that last one. So yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Uh recently, Denver, Colorado, there was an ultra marathon. It's an event that takes place around downtown Denver. It's uh 50K, 31 miles. What? That's a lot of running. And downtown Denver. That's a long drive.

SPEAKER_00:

I don't know like driving. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Now here's how it works. What makes it interesting is as you're running these 31 miles, there's 10 mandatory stops at Taco Bells.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, Taco Bells I got downtown.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh man, I can't wait to see the finish line there. Oh my God. It smells like in the if you live in the Midwest, you know exactly what I'm talking about. But they start spreading cow shit all over the farms. Farms, yeah. Do you smell as it walks into town? Yeah. Anyway, you have to order something at nine of the ten Taco Bells. Holy cow. And you've got to actually eat food. That includes one Cholupa Supreme, one Crunch Rap Supreme by the fourth stop, one burrito supreme, one nachos Bel Grande by the eighth stop. You need to finish the 31 miles within 11 hours. Holy cow.

SPEAKER_00:

It's not possible for me.

SPEAKER_02:

You need to keep all your, I don't know if I could drive that far in 11 if eating Taco Bell, because I'd be dropping deuces all along the way. I'd be like nafty. Yeah. You need to keep all your receipts and wrappers. Drinks don't count as food. Um, naturally, this is a very challenging race for the digestive system. You have to keep it all down. They have a zero intoler on vomiting. Uh, if you do, you're immediately disqualified. Shitting yourself. That's okay. Can you imagine getting through 28 miles and that's when you vomit? That's the only time they want to be in first. Oh, you're like, I don't want to be behind. I want to be in last place, smelling all that.

SPEAKER_00:

I was gonna say, when's Skyline gonna do this for Cincinnati area?

SPEAKER_02:

And they ban encore stomach medicines like Pepto, Pepsit, AC, Alka Seltzer, and Milanta. Now you are, this is this is gross. This is this sounds like itchy buttholes by the end of the race. Well, very much. You are able to use the bathroom as much as you like, but you can only use Taco Bell bathrooms. So you imagine all them racers in there trying to shit at the same time. Oh my god. Like, oh no. They're eating Bel Grande while they're shitting out of Chalupa. Oh man.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh my God.

SPEAKER_02:

I would not want to be downtown that day. Oh my god. The Taco Bell 50K is in its eighth year and it happened last Saturday.

SPEAKER_00:

How many people get like disqualified for this? I'd love to know how to do it. How many people do you think actually do it?

SPEAKER_02:

No, I'm gonna ask you. I have the number right here. If you had to guess, how many people 990. I'm gonna say about 200. 600 people. Wow. That's a lot of dudes and gals trying to look right here. Yeah. They're like, oh, we're getting ready to go on the wedding dress. 31 miles. Yeah, that's gonna be gross.

SPEAKER_00:

That's gonna look like bridesmaids where she's in the middle of the road going.

SPEAKER_02:

All I know is I'm learning brown and long. Oh my gosh. Can you imagine like four, like you're 22 miles into your run, 25 miles, and you gotta eat. I gotta eat a whole Nacho Bel Grande run. Oh, and then you gotta run. My belly is gurgling just reading this story. Oh. Taco Bell, ironically, is not affiliated with it in any way. They don't even comment on it. The organizers say they believe it's probably hung up by their legal team. Oh, you think? Because if they endorse it, they may open themselves up to liabilities. Okay, somebody shits himself or their intestines get shit out. Fuck. Oh my God. Wow, all right.

SPEAKER_00:

Now, next on the box is gonna be a 20K for White Castle.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh no. I'm with how many people split the city. Right. I mean, how many piles of shit are just along the running?

SPEAKER_00:

Well, you can't. You're not allowed. You are only allowed to shit.

SPEAKER_02:

But if you can't hold it, if you can't hold it till the next document, puking. They didn't say anything about satting yourself.

SPEAKER_00:

No, they said that you can only poop at a Taco Bell. So I feel like a lot of people are gonna just get disqualified if they shit themselves.

SPEAKER_02:

Uh yeah. Along with other approved public toilets. So technically the road is not a public toilet.

SPEAKER_03:

You would get disqualified.

SPEAKER_02:

I don't know that you'd want to keep running with a shit pan. All right. I already don't trust my farts anyway. No sense.

SPEAKER_00:

I was just saying you're gonna have a full ass diaper.

SPEAKER_02:

Here's our next story. I feel bad for the street cleaners. Oh, God, yeah. Can we have a parade? Do we have horses down here? I know I'm not scooping this up. Just get the hose. Fire trucks fire them, falling in love. Oh, man. It's like uh fraternity row at any school. Right. Oh, in fall. Anyway. Shit everywhere. Uh this I'm not sure what state this comes to. It's Pasco County. Uh the sheriff's office uh were alerted by a woman after opening her mailbox and finding a disturbing letter last Saturday. Uh-oh. Her neighbor, Craig Vott, V-O-G-T, Voked, maybe. Vaught, yeah. Voked, voked, had pet peacocks that roamed free in a jar. Have you heard this story?

SPEAKER_03:

I read this. I almost sent this to you today. Did you?

SPEAKER_02:

Yes. Uh Voked had threatened to kill the birds if the neighbor kept feeding them. They were his birds. They were his birds, but they would wander around. She would feed them. The letter confirmed that he had, in fact, killed the two birds with graphic details of using his knife to cut their heads off as his birds, right?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Now here's it keeping more. The sheriff's office sent deputies to investigate and saw the letter. When confronted, Vox said, Yeah, that's exactly what I did do. He said, I've had a past history with my neighbor, and we were fighting over feeding his peacocks. Now, according to the criminal complaint, he admitted to cutting the necks of the two birds out of spite. But then he described how he prepared the birds in a frying pan and ate them. Ate them up. Yep. Now he was arrested on charges of aggravated cruelty to animals with excessive pain death. Here's the question I have for both of you.

SPEAKER_00:

That guy does not look like he should own anything.

SPEAKER_02:

It doesn't if this was a chicken, he's making chicken. Why does it matter that it's a peacock? Well, it's probably because they're not normally killed for their meat. Yeah, but Yeah, where do you draw the line? Like, I mean, if I have a chicken and I do it, she fed him? Did he legally bought them? He legally owns it? He legally owned them. They were running around his yard from what I gather. And uh the neighbor was feeding them. He said, When you feed my birds, don't kill a dog or a cat and eat them. Yeah, but if you killed a chicken. It's a chicken, huh? My point more is.

SPEAKER_00:

I don't know. I think you put peacocks and flamingos on a different pedestal.

SPEAKER_02:

I don't know though, because I would be pissed if it was a flamingo. If it's a dog, people flip out. Yeah. If it's a 250-pound buck, you get likes and hearts and people are sharing it and saying, congratulations. Right. So I I don't think it has anything to do with size.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I think that it has to do with, like, you know, when people do it with a buck, they're harvesting. I mean, it's it's an animal that's overpopulated.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, but if you cut the head off. It's based on popul you believe it has nothing to do with other than with its because there's beauty. There's no, I'm just saying there's free animals running around all the world. Right. If there's too many of them, is it okay to eat 'em? That's what you're saying.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm not personally gonna eat my squirrels, but some people do. You know what I'm saying? Is that I'm just saying that it's harvest that.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm not saying there's a right or wrong answer. I'm simply saying it's funny to me. Why?

SPEAKER_00:

I don't know. It's I don't think that they're like over prevalent to where it's something I feel like it's kind of more of one of the things.

SPEAKER_02:

There's the like we do not have a cow problem in this country, but we eat the shit out of them.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, they're raised for it.

SPEAKER_02:

So if the peacocks what if he just said, I raise these peacocks to eat them?

SPEAKER_00:

Well, uh that that's that's fine.

SPEAKER_02:

We have a homeless problem.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, why would he have an issue with the words?

SPEAKER_02:

That's not my show. Oh my god. I ain't worried about sponsors canceling. All right. Now, this uh I honestly I think sometimes when I put these shows together, I don't think people realize the genius that I am. Right.

SPEAKER_00:

So what's your thing about the peacock?

SPEAKER_02:

No, I'm gonna go into my next story. Oh, okay. And uh nobody got in trouble for this one. This came to us from the good old state of Texas. Uh oh. Uh it was his property, Josh. That's the wild part. Yeah. It was his peacocks. They were his neighbor was feeding his peacocks. He says, if you keep feeding them, I'm gonna kill them and eat them. And he had more than two, and he his plan was to kill all of them and eat them. And he did. No, he he only got the two. Oh, the only other thing. Because maybe they were getting plump and juicy.

SPEAKER_00:

I was gonna say, maybe he wanted her to keep feeding them. Get them all plumped.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, get them up there. Oh, it's weird. All right. Here's our last story. This one comes to us from the great state of Texas. The same one I got. Uh if you have this story, I'd be surprised. Okay. A uh Texas teacher uh you gotta understand, I'm blown away by this fucking story. Oh, right. A Texas teacher had to apologize to students after feeding a kitten to a snake he kept in the classroom. I've seen that, yeah. Oh, that would be a little bit traumatizing for a child. What what what age are these kids? They're uh high school. Oh wow uh superintendent of Alfred uh ISD, Randy Brown, said district officials received a report on September 3rd from a parent who heard a teacher fed a kitten to a snake in front of students.

SPEAKER_00:

Did he start singing?

SPEAKER_02:

Was it already dead?

SPEAKER_00:

Walla stuff feel like that.

SPEAKER_02:

It was alive, it was a live kitten. Yeah. The uh district's police department administrators investigated the report. I don't know why I'm laughing, because it's horrible.

SPEAKER_00:

Why is it okay with mice and not cats? I'm kidding.

SPEAKER_02:

That's the whole point, right? That's exact thank you. They're feeder cats. But there's plenty of cats with the city. On Friday, the district confirmed uh an advanced animal science teacher at the uh high school fed an ailing kitten to a snake before the start of the school day. Now he said it was outside the president's students, but because it clearly wasn't. There was clearly kids are people. Um yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, he's like, But it was an ailing kitten.

SPEAKER_02:

So it was gonna maybe these were ailing peacocks. She was feeding them biscuits and gravy.

SPEAKER_03:

Don't come up with me. I eat biscuits and gravy.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

It's like maybe you're feeding checking fajitas to your pet llama.

SPEAKER_00:

Maybe like, yeah. What was she? Maybe she was giving them Taco Bell and they were just shitting all over the yard.

SPEAKER_02:

Uh the district was asked whether teacher obtained the alien, where he had obtained them. Oh my god. Okay. Yeah, there's a snake too. I can't make this stuff up, man. Oh, it's bucking in my mouth. Yeah. Uh Andy Floyd. You know what, Andy? That's right. You are an excellent uh podcast producer as well, as you tied this all the way back to Uncle Rico, who is a partial owner of the uh Ritzman flying mummies. Coach would have put that. I laughed my ass off when he shot that cow in front of those kisses. Such a great movie. Wow. Uh but no, the guy didn't get in trouble. You know, just hey, feed pets to snakes when it's feeding a pet to another pet. Technically. Yeah. That's what it is. I mean, if it's sick, I mean, yeah, did it say where he got them from? That's the wild part. They don't know. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I guess it's like a maybe it's like a breeder. It's like, yeah, this one's not gonna make it, it's not gonna make it. Apparently the whole litter wasn't gonna make it. Okay. Somebody took some of the other kittens home and they passed too, but yeah, I don't know if they ate them or not. Yeah. It's not like they're peacocks. Crispy chickens.

SPEAKER_00:

Like if it was like freshly, like it was just like it just passed, then go ahead and feed it.

SPEAKER_02:

No, this thing was like Meow.

SPEAKER_03:

Meow.

SPEAKER_02:

Not for long. Oh my god. I don't know why we're not rich. I do. I um all right, just gotta wrap it up for this week's show. Thanks again to our buddy Kevin Shook, Global Media Enterprises. Uh, if this show hasn't inspired you to go do your own show, I don't know what will. Right. Uh especially tonight.

SPEAKER_00:

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02:

This is my favorite show. We've done in a minute. Um, thank you to our Patreon sponsors. If you dig the show and you want to support us, patreon.com backslash after two beers. Our webpage is live now, so you can go to after two beers. Check out all the old interviews we've done. We've interviewed some really cool people. Cool people. Nikki Glazer has been on the show. Brad Williams has done it twice. Chris Porter's done it twice. Um TJ Miller. Um help me out.

SPEAKER_00:

Smiley.

SPEAKER_02:

Smiley?

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Bob Smiley.

SPEAKER_02:

No, that's not his name. Bob Zany. Zany. Yeah. Smiley, Zany, same thing.

SPEAKER_00:

No, he always put something smiley on my birthday every yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

He didn't accept my friendship request. Just yours. We were just saying Bob.

SPEAKER_00:

Grow some breasts.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, well, hey, hey. Worked on that since college. Yeah, right. Uh also, uh, thanks to the bottle shop here locally supporting us every week. Uh appreciate you guys helping us out with some liquors and uh beers for that. So thank you guys. Uh, I think we've got just a few, maybe one or two trivias left that I know of.

SPEAKER_00:

That we that we have scheduled so far. We've got November 22nd.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, it's a long time away. It is. Yeah. I didn't know. I was gonna ask you guys that tonight. I didn't know what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_00:

I have them on my calendar, I'll get it.

SPEAKER_02:

All that really truly means is if you're listening to us out there and you think to yourself, I'd love to have these guys come do this shit live. I don't know why you wouldn't. Get a hold of us. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Other than October. October we're kind of done. But yeah, well, it's it is October. I know.

SPEAKER_02:

But uh if you're in Myrtle Beach area in the next few weeks, there you go. There you go. We will do that. We should come down, we got room. Uh well, you know, uh, I think we've covered all the uh the less important stuff. Most important stuff is this. We say it at the end of every show. And it's simply this world's hard, a lot of shit going on out there. We are here just to try to provide an hour or so of entertainment a couple times a month. Yeah. And uh try to get you guys to forget about all the shit that's going on out there. And you know what? Sometimes it can weigh on people, especially as we're moving closer and closer to the holidays. We are only a few months away from Christmas. Yeah. Think about that shit.

SPEAKER_00:

Nope. I don't want to.

SPEAKER_02:

Anyway, uh, it's hard for people. And you know, a lot of people are going through things. Maybe you don't know they're going through things, maybe they just don't seem like themselves. Just do me a favor, reach out to them, ask them how they're doing. Um Elton John's manager. What is that about? I don't know. Um just check on people, make sure they're good, make sure they're okay. Um you'd be surprised how something as little as just a quick text message, phone call, um, just saying, hey, how are you doing?

SPEAKER_03:

So uh check on your single friends, make sure they didn't fall downstairs or something. Yeah, that's right.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, they don't want to be diner for their dogs that night. Right. Or big dogs. Uh all right. I guess, you know. We may be back next week. If it's not next week, the following Wednesday. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Nope, not the following Wednesday.

SPEAKER_02:

No, we'll be out of town. Yeah, we'll be out of nowhere.

SPEAKER_00:

No, actually. Yes. Yeah?

SPEAKER_02:

All right. Well, I guess we've always got it.

SPEAKER_00:

17th through the 25th. We'll figure out. We'll figure it out. We'll figure out.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, well, it wasn't his manager. It was his uh finance accountant for the manager of his tour. But uh, thank you, Andy. He's actually, I just found this out yesterday that I think he's working with 50 Cent now.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, that would be awesome. Wow. I love watching 50 Cent digs at people, man.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, maybe I should reach out to him.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I live for that stuff.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. My buddy DC, good dude. All right. Well, I guess without further ado, Mr. Pudding, Mr. Gibler, Mrs. Gibbler, rather. Uh, we will talk to them all next time.

SPEAKER_00:

After two beers. Take me home! Take me home home.