#197 After 2 Beers: Dating Apps, Death, and a $43 Million Casino Glitch

You can feel a life milestone hit in real time. We’re joking around one minute, then the next we’re staring straight at a question a lot of us avoid: when did “50 is old” stop being a joke and start being a mirror? Dutch’s 48th birthday kicks off a surprisingly honest run about health, losing people too young, and why the most valuable thing you own has nothing to do with your bank account.

We also get into the messy, hilarious reality of dating standards as you age. What’s a reasonable age cutoff on a dating app when your kid is grown? How much does physical attraction matter, and what do you do with the Gen Z idea of “Shrekking,” dating someone you’re not attracted to because they’re a good person? It’s part comedy, part real talk, and way too relatable.

Then we turn the chaos up with a game: five headline stories and one is fake. A snake bite leads to a finger getting chopped off. A slot machine flashes a $43 million jackpot that gets voided as a “glitch” and replaced with a steak dinner. A hickey ends in a fatal stroke. A first date shows up with 23 family members and a massive bill. We argue, we guess, and we spiral like only this crew can.

If the ending hits close to home, that’s the point. Check on your people, say the thing, and take care of yourself. Subscribe, share the show with a friend, and leave us a review so this community keeps growing.

Transcript

Welcome, Sponsors, And Upcoming Events

SPEAKER_03 0:01

Welcome to the After Two Beers Podcast. I'm Dutch Dalton, joined as always by Kimmy Gibler.

SPEAKER_06 0:07

And that's me.

SPEAKER_03 0:08

And Michael Summers. What's going on? And our good buddy, Boom Boom, Jeremy Scretti. What's going on? Sitting in the uh control room alongside our other good friend, old Mr. Kevin Shook, here at Global Media Enterprises. If you're looking to do one of these fun podcasts or something of the sort, make sure you reach out to Kevin. Yeah. He can help you out with that. All right. Let me get into a few of our thank yous before we get going. Want to make sure we thank the bottle shop and crosstown carry out uh here in Richmond. Yeah, definitely. Um, you know, I gotta say, if uh you live here local and uh you're a bourbon fan, I know the bourbon drop, I think, is Saturday. This Saturday? Yeah. Oh, nice. Yeah. And you can get on their uh Facebook page and see what they've got. But uh we stopped down at Crosstown on the way here and they've got blantons on the shelf. Do they really? Oh, absolutely. It's a great deal. Hell yeah. Yeah. So if you're looking for a good bottle of bourbon here local, uh make sure you check those guys out. Want to make sure we thank the Moose Lodge. We just signed up a uh a deal with them to do music now through the end of the year.

SPEAKER_02 1:12

Nice. It is crazy now. It's so much fun. It is having everybody out there dancing and just having a good time.

SPEAKER_03 1:18

We're gonna do our next event on uh May 2nd. It's uh 111 South Eighth here in Richmond. Uh technically it's like 8 to 11:30, but we really play from about seven to midnight. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:29

Yeah. Because there were people there. There were a ton of people there before we got there.

Merch, Music Nights, And Pub Crawl

SPEAKER_03 1:33

Yeah, they were already there sitting in the seats eating. Oh my god, we should get little tents out front early. Yeah. Uh we need to sell some merch. I've had uh we have ideas. Yeah, I was well, I we can uh noodle on it later. I was talking to you about it a little bit last night. And uh we'll come up with some sort of merch idea there. But um make sure you check out the moose. Lots of stuff going on, even when we're not there. Uh local bingo and music, I'm gonna work with uh our buddy Brian down there and get a full list of that moving forward. But uh I've also gone out and scheduled almost all of our events through the end of the year, they're on our Facebook page. So if you want to see when we're gonna be doing country, when we'll be doing trivia, where we'll be doing trivia, um, make sure you check that out. Another thing, we've got a lot of bars here locally that uh have asked us to do stuff, but really what I try to do is make what we do at that particular location unique to that location.

SPEAKER_02 2:31

Special. That's we only do it at that location.

SPEAKER_03 2:33

Right. So I'm uh I'm trying to come up with some ideas. I was thinking about uh I thought this one would be really cool is to do a pub crawl, but it is like a murder mystery. And you get clues at each pub, and then at the end you have to submit who do you think did it? Okay, right? Okay, I thought that'd be kind of cool. It would be yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_06 2:56

So are we the the suspects?

SPEAKER_03 2:58

Potentially, or or the bartender. But we would be, you know, maybe one of us is uh the host, and you know, and the others are but anyway, that's an idea I've thought of. I'm just throwing out lots of ideas here so people can steal them from us.

SPEAKER_02 3:11

Uh next thing you'll see is online. I hey murder mystery pub crawl. I think it would be awesome. Yeah, that's kind of cool. If you do anything like that, that'd be great.

SPEAKER_03 3:20

I haven't either. I mean, I drive a lot for a living, so I was like, that would be kind of sweet. I also I wanted to do uh I love game shows, uh, and we adapt a lot of that into our podcast or our trivia like family feuds and things. But I was like, you know, I think I could come up with a price is right that we could do. Oh, do you? Yeah. But then today I was just thinking, I think we could do like a newlywed kind of deal. Oh shit. Where we ask questions and you would have people that are in relationships from different periods.

SPEAKER_06 3:52

I was gonna say, are we gonna do newly divorced then?

SPEAKER_03 3:54

Uh well, it's gotta be a couple.

unknown 3:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:57

Here in Wayne County, we'd have plenty of newly divorced. We actually we may cause a few divorces. You could have the exes there with uh see now your brainstorming.

SPEAKER_04 4:07

I'm gonna be busy that day.

Flying Mummies Baseball And Sports Feels

SPEAKER_03 4:11

Wow. Wow, it's like the dating show, only it's all the exes lined up. Oh, so hell. With paintball with paintball guns, I hope. Uh well, hey, whatever. Uh, but anyway, I'm gonna come up with some more ideas. Uh, then I still want to make sure we reach out to the um uh the flying mummies. They're getting ready to kick off their inaugural season here in Wayne County.

SPEAKER_02 4:31

I cannot wait for that.

SPEAKER_03 4:32

Yeah, I I still want to do something with those guys. Hopefully, it can be kind of themed around what we're doing. Jeremy's doing fireworks there on Friday nights. And uh I love baseball, and it's it to me, anything I can do to help promote local baseball.

SPEAKER_01 4:47

They're really invested in the community too. They're really trying to you know. I seen the other day they were looking for national anthem people to see national anthems and none of us are doing that. But I thought it was pretty cool.

SPEAKER_03 4:58

Yeah. No, I I dig that, and that you know, I love the whole concept of what that league is about, uh, which is basically it's kids that are in college or uh I don't know if they're freshly out of college, some of them, but it's it's an opportunity to play in front of scouts and hopefully get drafted or things like that.

SPEAKER_02 5:16

Those are some of my my favorite videos watching guys get called up. Yeah, it's pretty cool. I seen the line with the new guy from uh the Reds get his when he got called up.

SPEAKER_01 5:24

Yeah.

unknown 5:25

Oh, it wasn't.

SPEAKER_06 5:25

Did you get all teary-eyed and such?

SPEAKER_02 5:27

He did. I don't get teary-eyed, but man, I got high.

SPEAKER_01 5:30

But I got teary-eyed the other day. Did you see the one on ESPN where the guy threw it up to the kid, the baseball, and he gave it to his sister? Yeah, that was pretty cool. They hugged. Yeah, well, they uh like they actually liked each other. That'd be better.

SPEAKER_02 5:42

Atlanta Braves guy, his very first pitch was sent out of the park.

SPEAKER_01 5:45

Hey, or they showed the guy with his dad, uh, his son was throwing um.

SPEAKER_06 5:50

Oh, and his dad was just tearing.

SPEAKER_03 5:52

Yeah, yeah. Pretty cool.

SPEAKER_06 5:54

That one was really good.

Turning 48 And Putting Health First

SPEAKER_03 5:55

Yeah. I you know, it's funny. I had the opportunity to sit in some seats in Cincinnati once, and uh, I believe it was Graham Ashcraft's family was sitting there. And and the only reason you know immediately it's the is they react on every pitch. Right. You know, and you can tell the dad at least, it was probably the most uh nervous I've ever seen somebody sitting in the audience, right? Right, and it would be really cool. And like my son, I'm gonna uh throw a little props to my son here, a little shout out to Logan Dalton. Yeah, he just competed in his uh uh his senior year at Purdue. He was uh in the power lifting collegiate championship in New Orleans, went down and watched that. He's a beast. Oh, it's fun. The kid weighs a buck eighty, and uh they do three events. They do a squat, a deadlift, and a bench press, and his the three combined were over 1,400 pounds. Yeah, and it's just it's so cool though that there was like um multiple colleges there from all over the United States, and there was fans there who there was a guy there with a trumpet that was playing, and they had signs made and everything. It was so cool. And I it's just I think um I you know here locally, NCAA is big. The Indies NCAA home is in Indianapolis, and uh collegiate sports is a big deal here locally. Oh yeah and it's just it's really cool to see kids that are playing because they love the event or whatever they're doing. Yeah. And uh so it was really cool to go down and experience that. So cool time there. Other things that came up, um, it and maybe this is something we can chat about. Uh, I celebrated my 48th birthday two days ago. Happy birthday! Oh, thank you. And uh Mr. Scarpetti is getting ready to celebrate his 49th birthday. Put in your 47th, your 48. I'm already 48. I'm 49 this year.

SPEAKER_02 7:46

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 7:46

When's your birthday? December 12th. Oh, so you got a minute.

SPEAKER_02 7:49

I got a little bit.

SPEAKER_03 7:49

You got a minute, and you'll be 48 September. In September. Now, the reason I bring this up, you know, last time before we get into our fun stories, is uh we chatted about uh conspiracy theories, but now I was like, you know what? I want to talk about this age thing because I remember as um a freshly divorced gentleman in my early 30s, I would do uh I did the online dating for a moment for about a year and it just didn't work out for me. But uh regardless, I remember you had to put in what you were looking for in a mate. Age-wise, right? And age came up, right? And I remember thinking, I might go to 40, you know, like I was 32. Thank you, Missy. And um now I'm I'm 48 years old, and we'll go to 40. Yeah, how low are you going? No, it's not even about that. It's it's that uh I remember when my father-in-law turned 50 because uh we went to his birthday celebration. And I remember at that time I was probably 22, maybe 21, and remember thinking, wow, that's really old, 50. And now I'm 48, and I don't feel old. Hell no.

SPEAKER_06 9:00

I started thinking about that because I was like, okay, so how old was my mom when she was dressing like an old lady when I was in high school?

SPEAKER_02 9:08

A totally different dress that people back then just.

SPEAKER_06 9:11

Younger than I am now.

SPEAKER_01 9:13

I just I don't want to turn into that guy that wears the white new bounces, the creepers, you know. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 9:19

Yeah. They're so comfortable though.

SPEAKER_01 9:22

Don't let me epistep. Because I remember making fun of those guys. Oh, he's got new bounces on their white. Don't take candy from that guy.

SPEAKER_04 9:29

Hey, you get plantar fasciitis, you're gonna be here stuff.

SPEAKER_03 9:34

That's how you know we're old, is we know those words. Right?

SPEAKER_02 9:38

Plantar fasciitis.

SPEAKER_03 9:39

The wild part diabetes. Yeah, I went to a training event in Atlanta earlier this year, and uh, it was probably 40 of us from all over the U.S. that came in for my company. And it was uh the first time that somebody was like, well, the old guys, and they pointed at me, and I was like, shit, I'm an old guy now. Like I'm one of the old guys. Um Bradley Wood for Wayne County District.

SPEAKER_06 10:07

Happy Thursday.

SPEAKER_03 10:10

You know what? I give Bradley Wood credit for that. Is a great way to get yourself self-plugged for what you're running for.

unknown 10:17

He's smart.

SPEAKER_03 10:18

That is a smart man. Yeah, we get about uh Bradley. No, we're huge in Germany, so I don't know that about no the audio, the audio is big in Germany. Actually, it's been picking up in Great Britain. I love it. It's wild. We get about Do you think they call us Wenkas? I am not Wankstains. We get about five or six hundred views on our uh our shows here, and then I don't know what we get on YouTube, but uh hey, we're open for you know anybody wants to bring us to Great Britain, we'll have a podcast here. I'll do it Germany, man. For some reason, we're big in Germany. Bring us, let's go. Yeah, because we drank, I guess. We are here, but uh let me get back to this. I want to and I've been thinking no, no, no, no. This is my own fault too. I was running down the path thanks to Bradley. Something trying to um I it's I realize now at 48 years old that uh you start looking at segments in your life. And the wildest part for me, in a bad way, is there's a lot of people that I've known. Um my my stepdad, his brother just passed this week. Um shout out to Mike Snowden, uh mischief buddy. Uh was 54.

SPEAKER_02 11:23

Right.

SPEAKER_03 11:24

And and you're starting to see people now that uh are good friends of mine that have passed that are my age, more or less. Yeah. You know, like it's not uncommon for somebody to be like our age and drop dead.

SPEAKER_02 11:35

Right. And I now I know why my grandmother looked at obituaries all the time. Yeah, first thing they looked at was the obituaries.

SPEAKER_06 11:42

Oh, she would always say that's where I'm gonna talk to my friends.

SPEAKER_03 11:45

Well, I it's why because I realize my father only lived to be 55.

SPEAKER_06 11:50

Same.

SPEAKER_03 11:51

And so now I start thinking, well, shit, I'm only seven years from that. Right. And that's the hard part for me as I start thinking about to like, you know, I've got to do some shit. Like, I gotta take care of myself. I get on ponder about it all the time. You gotta go to the doctor. You gotta go. The thing that I starting to realize, especially as a 48-year-old, the most important valuable thing that you own in this world is your health. Yeah, it doesn't matter what car you drive or if you've saved up some cool baseball cards or you've got a big fortune in your bank or whatever. Right. If you don't have health, then you don't have shit. Because hey, somebody else is gonna get that shit by it. Right. Well, and that's the other thing. Like every now and then I'll see auctions that pop up on social media.

SPEAKER_02 12:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:35

I'm like, man, that's some cool shit. And I'm like, somebody took the time to collect it, and their parents or family or whatever, whoever's selling it's like, yeah, man, let's just see how much we can get for this. Right. It's like it don't mean anything to them.

SPEAKER_02 12:48

We talked about that before about buying bottles of bourbon, like expensive bottles. I yeah, I'm gonna open it and we're gonna drink all of it. You should okay, because they are gonna make way more of that after I'm gone.

SPEAKER_03 12:58

Well, and the whole point is if you don't open it up, you're not the one that's gonna even taste it. Right, right. Why would you buy an alcohol, throw it on the shelf, and then never taste it?

SPEAKER_06 13:07

I don't know that it's that you're never gonna taste it. I think that sometimes, so like we do have a bottle and it's like gonna it's held back for a special occasion. I'm like, what's a special occasion? Like, we need to like specify what it is.

SPEAKER_01 13:20

Chris, I think one thing that I've cracked as I get older is I start to reflect. This might be a little sappy, but I start to think about man, I want to tell everybody I love them because I might not be here the next year. You got to. That's what I say all the time. So like I I've been thinking a lot about that. Like, man, I made a lot of mistakes in my life. But you know what? I'm still here and I can tell people, hey, I love you because you're a big part of my life, and when I'm gone, I want you to remember me, you know. Right.

SPEAKER_03 13:52

Well, I think a lot of people, especially as you get older, you always kind of in your mind think about like who would miss me or what would my funeral be like. You won't know. No. And so it my big thing now is it's instead of sending flowers to the funeral, give them the flowers while they're alive. Right. And tell them, you know, like what you mean to me, or like you know, your friendship has meant to me. And yeah, and uh, but more importantly, like I said, you want to make sure that I mean I don't even know how old I want to live to be. You know, like I'm only like 20 years away from being in my 70s, right? Right. Or close 22. But it's really about quality of life. There's a lot of people that live for a long time, but they just they don't feel well, or so that I guess, you know, we joke a lot on this podcast and we talk about funny shit on here, but you know, this is the one thing I think I I really kind of reflected on as I was turning 48 was uh, you know, your health is the most valuable thing you have. And technology now is better than it's ever been, it will continue to get better. Oh, yeah. Go get the test done, do it, go get it, do it, yeah. Yeah. Um let's see. Farmer Brad says, when every we take Christmas, every year we take Christmas, it's a reminder that one year my grandpa was in it, and then next year he wasn't. That's exactly right. And you don't know when that is coming. No. The wildest part for me is like you'll hear about somebody our age that passes, and then you can go and look at their social media of like two months ago, and they're talking about something that's not important, just just like the shit we chat about. Hey, is what we did. Hey, look at these photos. You have no idea. I a good neighbor of mine um just passed away uh in his early 60s, and he had just celebrated, I think, his 60th birthday, as a matter of fact.

SPEAKER_00 15:40

He did.

SPEAKER_03 15:40

And um passed in his sleep. Yeah. And the wild part now is like my neighbor on the other side of me passed in his sleep in early 40s.

SPEAKER_06 15:50

And um gas line leaks in that neighborhood.

SPEAKER_03 15:53

I'm joking.

SPEAKER_06 15:53

I'm telling you, it's a bad joke. It's a bad joke. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_03 15:57

No, I'm carbon and monoxide. I tell Amanda all the time, I'm like, if there is a neighborhood that's haunted, because there's two other people that I know of in two other houses that are all in the same row as mine that passed away. Oh shit. In that in their house. There's four houses house for sale. We need to get over here, man.

SPEAKER_02 16:17

Come on now.

SPEAKER_03 16:19

But we do a lot of stuff to do. They talk shit to that dolls with the fun. Yeah, well, I talked shit to it, and all I got was a cold. So I guess I'm a cuffs on bitch. The other thing I've really thought more about um uh Farmer Brad says uh I think people should pre-select some of their obituary photos because some of them are pretty wild.

SPEAKER_06 16:40

I kind of want mine to be wild because I don't give a shit what people think at this point.

SPEAKER_03 16:43

The wild one for me is when you see somebody and you're like, oh, that you know, it's not damn. They look attractive. That's and then you're you read about them and they're like, they're 82. What the hell picture was that from?

SPEAKER_02 16:54

About 20 years ago.

SPEAKER_03 16:55

Right. Well, maybe that's the way to go. No. It would uh it'd be interesting. Uh you know, a lot of people do these tests or classes where you write your own obituary now. And it would be interesting.

SPEAKER_04 17:08

I don't want to write my own. I mean, one of you guys to do it because she was a cool ass.

SPEAKER_03 17:15

Here's the beauty you can have AI write it now.

SPEAKER_00 17:18

There you go. GPT.

SPEAKER_03 17:19

Yeah, GPT right now. Uh I also don't want a 30-year-old. Amen. Nobody believed me anyway. If I showed one with blonde hair and my, you know, down yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:30

Before we go any farther, on your dating app.

SPEAKER_03 17:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:34

How early or how young would you put? Uh so I was probably, I think I was 33. Yeah, but now I'm talking at 48. Oh, at 48? What would you put?

SPEAKER_03 17:45

If we were happy, he's no, no, no, no, no. This is just I love Amanda, but I see what you're saying. That's a good, it's an interesting question. I would say 40. You wouldn't go lower than 40? No, 40 would probably be my cutoff, I think. What? You wouldn't go to like 24, 25, 30, 35?

SPEAKER_01 18:03

First of all, my son is going to be a home 22. All right, Kimmy, same question. What would yours be?

SPEAKER_06 18:09

I we don't want to ask Kimmy because Kimmy's. Why?

SPEAKER_01 18:12

Just theoretical, yeah. Kimmy's going younger, too. Yeah, you're a cougar, so what would you put?

SPEAKER_06 18:17

JP's 41. No, he's still 40.

SPEAKER_01 18:20

Okay, well, how low would you go if you had to go? He just turned 40.

SPEAKER_06 18:24

Uh you know what? Took him to Wu Tang to celebrate. I'm not going any younger because. So 41. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:30

All right, Pudding, your turn. Call me Leo, baby. Epstein Island Pudding. Oh my god. He's like, I want to at least be able to take him into a bar. Give me a name. We gotta do it. 40? Yeah, we made that up.

SPEAKER_03 18:50

What is wrong with you guys? What would yours be? 28. 28. And you're gonna be 49? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:57

Ew.

SPEAKER_03 18:58

You know, I will. Who cares?

SPEAKER_06 19:02

You would have nothing in common. It would only be physical.

SPEAKER_01 19:06

Hey, it's my turn.

SPEAKER_02 19:07

All right. Yeah, okay. First of all, how old are you?

Gen Z "Shrekking" And Attraction

SPEAKER_01 19:14

Well, now I'm out. I've had mine since 18. Yeah, me too. Me too, Pudding. 2018. No. When I was 18. Oh. It's 1996.

SPEAKER_03 19:23

See, I this brings up as I prepare for the show, I read through a lot of articles, and I found one today, and it was on uh Gin Zers, and Gin Zers have a new turn called Shrekking.

SPEAKER_04 19:37

Shreking.

SPEAKER_03 19:38

Shreking, swear to God. And what it is, is it's people that date someone that they're not physically attracted to, but they know they're gonna be a good person. And it's called Shreking.

SPEAKER_04 19:49

I didn't know if they wanted to take them back to their mud bar or what.

SPEAKER_03 19:52

Uh so my question to you guys how important is being physically attracted to the person you're with? It's gotta be, right? It's gotta be, right? Yeah. At this age. I mean, you know, I say that until we were, like I said, we were in New Orleans.

SPEAKER_06 20:09

And I just hope they're like physically attracted to me, honestly. I'm at I'm 48 now.

SPEAKER_03 20:15

You all start with 19%. Missy, stop it, girl. Yeah. I uh I will say the one thing that I I used to travel a shit ton for work and stay in hotels all the time. Yeah. And uh we were in New Orleans uh just two weeks ago, and the one thing I picked up on and in hotels now is they still have those full-length mirrors in the bathroom. And I look at myself getting out of the showers like, Jesus Christ. I'm lucky anybody will sit next to me.

SPEAKER_06 20:46

I'm not even gonna lie. We redid our bathroom several years back. That was the first thing I was like, you have got to get rid of the full mirror because it's gotta be just like, I don't need to see that.

SPEAKER_01 20:56

Hey, I was in a hotel yesterday and it I did the same thing. I was like, Jesus, this looks bad. This looks so bad. I'm like, fuck where'd that fat roll come from?

SPEAKER_05 21:05

Hey, I'm gonna go back to the back. It was on your dick.

SPEAKER_01 21:07

I didn't know I didn't know what you know.

SPEAKER_03 21:13

All right. Uh that we've wasted enough time. Are you guys ready to jump into some stories? What you got, but uh yeah, I'll end it on this. Hey, you know, regardless of your age, make sure you're taking care of yourself. Go to the doctor. I know it can be a pain in the ass, and you don't like to necessarily sit in the waiting room or or that sort of thing. But uh, like I said, all you have is your health. And uh it's funny because I think to myself, like, I would hate to leave people. Yeah, but I also think I've got two dogs and a cat that I know they love me more than anybody else. And I think they'd be like, Where's he at? Man, that sucks. Right? Think about your pets. Like, I feel bad for these pets that you know they have the owner that passes and they're the only ones.

SPEAKER_06 21:57

Oh, those ones, the the videos where the dog goes.

SPEAKER_03 22:00

Yeah. At least live for your pets. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_06 22:05

Not the people.

SPEAKER_03 22:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 22:07

Yeah, the people. Live for your dogs, not your cats. Jeremy, I do have to say one kind of creepy thing. We've been this will be our 30 years of being graduated.

SPEAKER_01 22:16

I know.

SPEAKER_06 22:17

You can't go under 30.

SPEAKER_01 22:19

Why?

SPEAKER_06 22:20

Who cares? Because they you could be their faja.

SPEAKER_03 22:23

Oh. I don't look at it like that. Missy said they have a birth year of 19. I can't even do that. Yeah, oh, it has to for Jeremy. Yeah. Even 1999, it's weird for me. It's like, man, I was a junior in college.

SPEAKER_01 22:38

It would probably be weird, like you said, but I mean, uh, age is just a factor, really. It is.

SPEAKER_06 22:44

It is.

SPEAKER_01 22:45

Yeah. No, I mean, it I mean, if you're Dayton, who cares? I mean, look at what is the guy that the coach, old coach for the Patriots. Belichick. Yeah, look at Belichick or did you see the coach for Abel now is going into rehab because of he's missing the third day of the draft because of those pictures with that lady who was holding him up. What's that got to do with rehab? No, he said he's going to rehab because he's sex addict. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03 23:10

Well, I mean For his family, but I was just like David E'Covney had that.

SPEAKER_01 23:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:15

Actually, Tiger Woods said he would. That dude's addicted to a lot of shit. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:19

A lot of sex.

SPEAKER_03 23:19

Tiger Woods is cool, man.

SPEAKER_01 23:20

You leave him alone.

SPEAKER_03 23:21

Except for driving, because he sucks at it. Right. How did you become rich and famous and not hire a fucking driver? Hey, man. I was like, he's like, how did Norcos get in there?

SPEAKER_06 23:30

More T E wise than John Daly.

SPEAKER_01 23:34

Hey, how'd them Norcos get in here, man? That's just Norco. We ain't got a prescription for that.

SPEAKER_02 23:38

Well, that dude has to be in pain. As many surgeries as that many.

SPEAKER_01 23:40

27, he said.

SPEAKER_03 23:41

Yeah, but one of them was caused because he was drunk driving. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:46

We didn't want to bring that up.

Five Wild Stories And A Fake

SPEAKER_03 23:47

Right. But I mean Jack's, hey, an apple a day will keep the doctor away. Oh, anyway. All right. Let's jump into our stories. Now, I'm going to present you guys with something interesting. So as I go through these web pages and things, I find these funny stories. And um I I check them now to make sure they're actually valid. Right. All right. So I found five stories this week. Is it long-term or just for funsies?

SPEAKER_01 24:21

Because if it's just for fun, he can't have a back like I got. True mad player.

SPEAKER_04 24:28

Somebody's gonna be the T's.

SPEAKER_01 24:31

Somebody do the work. We're good. Right? Can't starfish it all the time. That was funny, Missy. That is pretty good. I love it. Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt.

SPEAKER_03 24:43

Uh no, no, that was good. This is why we love having people comment as we go through this. Uh okay, so I've got five stories this week. One of which I found out is not real.

SPEAKER_00 24:54

Oh.

SPEAKER_03 24:55

But I'm gonna read all five, and at the end, I'm gonna let you guess which one isn't real. Oh, I love it. All right. Okay. Everybody good? Yep.

SPEAKER_06 25:02

I'm good.

Snake Bite Panic And Chopped Finger

SPEAKER_03 25:03

All right. Here's our first story. This comes to us from China in 2019. It's fake. Hey, if this is yours, you just hold on to it. A uh 60-year-old man was working in eastern China when he felt a sharp pain in his hand. When he looked down, a snake had latched onto his finger. He pulled the snake off, but the damage was done. His finger started swelling, adrenaline was pumping, and he thought that everything was over because in that area there is a snake that is called the five-step snake. It's rumored to kill within moments. It's uh very uh a very highly venomous species. And fearing the venom would spread through his body, he made a split-second decision. He grabbed an axe and a cut off his finger. Nice. He wrapped the wound and traveled miles to a hospital. It was a gardener. No, it didn't say what he was doing.

SPEAKER_06 26:04

I'm kidding. No. Oh, garter.

SPEAKER_03 26:10

Garter. Yeah, like yeah, it's yeah, it's not an actual gardener snake.

SPEAKER_06 26:13

I've lived to be 47 without knowing it's not a gardener snake.

SPEAKER_03 26:17

Tell me you're from the Midwest without telling me.

SPEAKER_01 26:20

Jimmy, I'm right there with you. I thought it was a gardener too. Oh, gardener snake. That's what I thought they were doing.

SPEAKER_03 26:26

Hang out with the plumber snakes. I hate snakes.

SPEAKER_06 26:29

I like those plumber snakes.

SPEAKER_03 26:31

I hate snakes.

SPEAKER_01 26:32

Um would you have the balls though to immediately chop off your finger? I'm panicked. I've seen that shit though in Georgia. My friend got hit by a rattler. We were playing basketball in eighth grade. And uh it was crazy, man. Yeah. I hate snakes.

SPEAKER_03 26:47

There's always the joke about if you and your buddy are out and he gets bit by a dick, what are you gonna say at his funeral? Because you're not gonna suck the venom out. Yeah. I hate snakes, man. I do too. I really do. I'm not a fan at all. How and I want to talk about people that have snakes as pets.

SPEAKER_06 27:08

And I was like, what? No, bit on the dick.

SPEAKER_03 27:10

A rattler. Rattler.

SPEAKER_06 27:12

Sometimes you get bit by the dick.

SPEAKER_02 27:14

Yeah, well, hey. Sometimes, barr, you choose.

SPEAKER_01 27:18

Yeah, that's a prison.

SPEAKER_03 27:19

There's some other things that bite you on the dick, but the guy traveled to the hospital for treatment. Doctors treated the injury, evaluated his condition, and they expected to see signs of serious envenimation. Man, it's amazing how much more clear I can say these words when I'm not intoxicated. Good thing I started with this one first. Uh, medical staff told him the bite was not life-threatening, and that was a drastic amputation because apparently the snake wasn't venomous at all.

SPEAKER_06 27:54

You cut the head off of the snake and take that in.

SPEAKER_00 27:56

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 27:57

While it's still on your finger. You gotta look for the diamond head. Put that back on. They said he likely would have recovered with standard treatment. And uh, you know, this is I you know, if it's it's just a finger.

SPEAKER_06 28:10

Now he sucks at texting.

SPEAKER_03 28:11

Oh he lost his girlfriend one. And he can't point at you with the left or the right. Absolutely. They're pretty solid at it. Pretty good. Yeah. He really just need these few.

SPEAKER_04 28:28

Just a couple.

SPEAKER_03 28:28

Hey, you can't even ask your ask your lady friend too. Two and the pink one and the stinking.

SPEAKER_02 28:33

I used to work with a guy. He had four fingers in one hand, and I'd have to look. If I if I need four, I'll handle up this hand. If I need five, I'll hold up the other hand.

SPEAKER_01 28:42

He can't even give the shocker properly.

SPEAKER_03 28:44

That would be the setup, man. You don't even need a metal one.

SPEAKER_00 28:48

It might be better.

SPEAKER_03 28:53

Oh, that's what came in. You don't have to worry about bending one down. Uh might feel softer.

SPEAKER_02 29:00

This is what happens when we haven't done one of these in a while. It's been a minute. Sorry.

SPEAKER_03 29:04

Yeah. This isn't yeah. I did see this year where uh the Golden Globes now does a uh a best podcast. Oh, yeah, we're not gonna submit this episode.

SPEAKER_02 29:15

Come on, we'll we'll find one. We'll get there.

SPEAKER_03 29:17

Uh I I'm with you though, Jeremy, on snakes. I don't understand how people keep pet snakes. I checked on the way here to see if pet like a dog actually will develop feelings for the owner. There's a true bond between the two. They actually say with between inner species, I believe that's the strongest bond is between a human being and a dog. Right. And uh I checked on snakes. Snakes uh they don't have the mind capacity to love. Actually, what they basically said was if uh they're cool to you, it's just they're not threatened. Right. And so they're not concerned about that moment. But believe me, you, if they uh had a chance to eat your ass and it meant the difference between survival spectrum.

SPEAKER_06 29:55

Yeah, because I've also seen some of those that they if they like cuddle you real good, it means that they're just sizing up sizing you up.

SPEAKER_03 30:03

The wild part is you'll see pictures of people that put a baby in, like with a fucking python stupidity.

SPEAKER_02 30:10

No, no, like no probe. I call them noprope.

SPEAKER_01 30:12

That shit better be anaconda if it snugs up than me and Dalton are putting.

unknown 30:15

No probe.

SPEAKER_01 30:17

You're right, an obese snake.

SPEAKER_02 30:21

20 foot long anaconda.

SPEAKER_01 30:23

My badass. Yeah, diabetes. He's like, I can't eat that fat fuck.

The 43 Million Jackpot Glitch

SPEAKER_03 30:27

That snake's gonna lose its feet. It's gonna get drunk one. All right, 2016. This comes to us from New York. A woman in New York, Katrina Bookman, had just hit one of the biggest jackpots in casino history. She was uh playing a penny slot at the uh resort's world casino, and the screen suddenly lit up with a staggering number, nearly 43 million dollars. Whoa. Lights flashed, alarms sounded, and she even snapped a picture with the machine, a selfie. Glitch. Uh, what are you buying? Legitimately. 43 million? Like, what's one thing that a new back? A yacht.

SPEAKER_02 31:14

A backyotomy.

SPEAKER_01 31:15

Okay, a yacht. A yacht? Yep, 100%. Oh god, I think it's a good one. Where would you put it? Florida. I'd just sit on the water, man. You guys come over and visit.

SPEAKER_06 31:23

And wait for the hurricane?

SPEAKER_01 31:24

Sure.

SPEAKER_03 31:25

Yeah, you could move away from it though. Yeah. That's the beauty. Uh, there was one of my favorite episodes of The Simpsons was when they uh they had to go into hiding because uh Sideshow Bob wanted to kill Bart Bart. And Homer made the joke about and now that we're on a houseboat, if we don't like our neighbors, we could leave. And every houseboat around them picked up and left.

SPEAKER_01 31:50

But uh a boat, okay. I don't know. I've always wanted to like have a boat to retire.

SPEAKER_03 31:55

Like the Jimmy Buffett style, like in the keys. I think I would love to do that. Do you hear the story as we go in through this? This is uh I don't have a funny bit about it, but it just happened in the Caribbean where the lady and her husband were on the dinghy and she came up missing. No, this is all true. She was on the dinghy, she came up missing, yeah. Yeah, so the uh the husband and the wife, uh, they've been married, I think, 25 years. They've been together. And uh they were in the Caribbean and they traveled around, and um they uh the daughter and the mother-in-law of the man said that there had been some issues in the past, but regardless, apparently the wife fell off the boat. Oh, right after getting hit in the head with a child. I don't know. They never found the body. They indicted him. That's shark food. Yeah, so Mike, uh that's why I mean, how do you know that he did it?

SPEAKER_01 32:48

You don't. Lie detector, maybe.

SPEAKER_03 32:50

Yeah, but I don't think a lie detector will hold up in court.

SPEAKER_01 32:53

They don't.

SPEAKER_03 32:54

I don't think they don't. I don't know. You've got to have a conscience for the lie detector to work in the first place. Yeah. You know, but regardless.

SPEAKER_02 33:01

And I think after 25 years, he probably doesn't.

SPEAKER_01 33:04

He's probably thought about this over and over missy 43 million babes.

SPEAKER_02 33:10

Oh my gosh. I know.

SPEAKER_01 33:12

Leonardo DiCaprio, that's what he does. Sits on his boat with his 21-year-olds.

SPEAKER_06 33:18

Well it's still weird.

SPEAKER_01 33:20

But hey, he there is hope for him because she's 26 now.

SPEAKER_02 33:24

Of course, she's got millions of dollars in I know.

SPEAKER_01 33:26

He can do whatever he wants.

SPEAKER_02 33:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 33:28

Hey, if it's legal. Uh okay. Uh Katrina Boakman, she just won all this money. 43 million bucks. Uh, casino staff told her to return the next day. They had to verify the win. Negative. When she came back, she was told the machine had a glitch. She hadn't won anything. I'm not leaving until you give me my money. Instead of offering the maximum amount that that machine actually paid out, which was$6,500, the casino offered her a steak dinner. Nope. There was no way in hell I would have left until I had something in grinding to see her money. I'd be owning that place. She went from thinking she had won$43 million to a steak dinner.

SPEAKER_04 34:08

I hope she didn't rack up the credit card.

SPEAKER_02 34:11

Nope. I would have not let you get me out of there until I get something in writing, I'm getting that money.

SPEAKER_03 34:16

The reason a standard casino rules um essentially says that if the machine glitches, the payout doesn't count. Oh, of course. Okay, so that can be any machine.

SPEAKER_06 34:26

Who signs that waiver?

SPEAKER_03 34:27

The State Gaming Commission told an ABC affiliate that it would be illegal to offer her even the$6,500, noting the malfunction void all pays and plays.

SPEAKER_02 34:38

How is it a malfunction? I want to know how it was a malfunction.

SPEAKER_03 34:41

So something there was a glitch in the machine, and for some reason it paid out 43 million bucks. Now, here's the sad part. Bookman said the money would have been a lot to her and her family. She had been raised in foster care and experienced homelessness as a teenager before raising four kids on her own. She had planned to use millions to buy her son a barber shop and help out her community. She had a steak dinner. Give her what is that? A GoFundMe page. Yeah, I need to look up and see if anybody did anything for her because that's wild.

SPEAKER_02 35:15

You know, I'll be catching the arson charge. Real quick.

SPEAKER_01 35:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 35:21

I would be stuck in the world.

SPEAKER_01 35:22

I'd burn that bitch down. I'm with you, but burn that bitch down. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_06 35:26

There has to be something that, like some kind of loophole that's no game of question. If they say it's a glitch, you better you take out the company that made that machine because you better get Johnny Cochran on the scene. I'm gonna need 100,000 at least.

SPEAKER_03 35:39

100,000. He went from 43 million to a T-bone.

SPEAKER_06 35:42

I have 100,000 over a T-bone steak.

SPEAKER_03 35:45

Oh my gosh. That shit better be prime cut. Can you imagine like how you feel the moment you think you just won 43 million dollars and you come back the next? And here's the thing. You know going home at night, you're like, they ain't gonna give me that money. I know, I'm gonna come back with that phone. They ain't gonna give me that money. Yeah, Bubba, appreciate it. I'd rub rob them bitches.

SPEAKER_02 36:05

No, I'm showing up with a gas can right there on the table. What you gonna say? That's my thought.

SPEAKER_03 36:11

43 million dollars.

SPEAKER_06 36:13

Hey, you can make more than a steak dinner going to jail for doing that.

unknown 36:18

Fuck it.

Waffle House Alligator Story Debunked

SPEAKER_03 36:20

Uh all right, here's our next story. Florida 20,000 uh 2022. And what sounds like the most Florida sentence ever constructed. A man reportedly tried to baptize an alligator inside a waffle house. According to witnesses, checks out the man brought a live alligator into the restaurant and began attempting to describe what he called a baptism using iced tea as holy water.

SPEAKER_06 36:45

Sweet? Obviously.

SPEAKER_03 36:47

It's in the south. Yeah. Yeah, it's gotta be sweet. Gotta be sweet. That poor alligator probably died of diabetes.

SPEAKER_01 36:53

Should have got him smothered covered chunk, topped and doxed on them ash breads.

SPEAKER_06 36:57

Alligator foot for your food chain.

SPEAKER_03 36:59

Customers and staff are understandably confused and likely reconsidering every life decision that led him up to that exact moment. Authorities were eventually called. How big was the gator? Uh, it must have been a small one. The situation was brought under control before anyone was seriously injured. No words on what possessed the man to attempt a religious ceremony with an alligator. I'm betting it gr it rhymes with meth.

SPEAKER_06 37:28

Yeah. He's a mathematician.

SPEAKER_02 37:32

He's a Methodist Baptist preacher.

SPEAKER_01 37:34

It had to happen at a organization.

SPEAKER_03 37:37

He's a Methodist preacher. Oh, are we getting uh spotted?

SPEAKER_06 37:44

I bet they're from Germany. Oh, maybe what's that?

SPEAKER_01 37:48

It's it's just Twitch.

SPEAKER_03 37:49

Twitch? Oh man, you know, hey Twitchers. Uh Twitchers. Do you see? And again, I don't have the story here. I think it is on Twitch. A uh a lady that has podcasts are going away, right? Yeah. They're going not ours. Not well, yeah. I mean, fuck, we've been at this for a year. We're here to stay. Um the new thing now is live streaming. Oh, yeah. And there's a lady that has live streamed every moment of her life for like the last two or three years. No, I haven't seen that. Has never like not been live streaming. So I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 38:21

So you like to watch her shower?

SPEAKER_03 38:23

I'm assuming she puts it in a in an area where it's G rating.

SPEAKER_05 38:28

No, I'm just sitting here loving my life at work.

SPEAKER_03 38:31

So it's a modern-day Jeremy. I remember seeing that. Not young, like 12 or something, but but uh in Jeremy's age range. Right. Wow. Wow.

SPEAKER_06 38:43

Hey, you put that on yourself. No, I didn't.

SPEAKER_01 38:45

I said 28. Now you said 12, whatever. This ain't Epstein.

SPEAKER_06 38:50

I was joking. He said not 12, and I said, oh, so older is. So just that modern day term.

SPEAKER_01 38:55

You guys are all fucking liars. You guys all it doesn't matter. They're hot and come on to you. You guys would all date them.

SPEAKER_03 39:01

I'll be honest with you. Like, after seeing what I saw in that mirror, I would like to. If you had money and didn't.

SPEAKER_06 39:07

I don't have the energy anymore.

SPEAKER_03 39:09

I'd be convinced she's leaving me any moment. I don't even know why Amanda sticks.

SPEAKER_02 39:14

My first words would be, you know I'm not rich, right? Because I see what you're wearing.

SPEAKER_06 39:20

Are those still cargo shorts? Hey, don't hit my hormone patch. That's important.

SPEAKER_01 39:26

Do you want to go look for Sasquatch?

SPEAKER_02 39:28

You want to see my CPAP? You want to see my CPAP machine?

SPEAKER_00 39:32

Oh, I ain't nothing sexier than a guy that sleeps more.

SPEAKER_01 39:36

And uh I'm fat.

SPEAKER_00 39:38

So I am your mother. Call me daddy.

SPEAKER_02 39:43

Shut up.

CPAP, Reflux, And Getting Older

SPEAKER_03 39:45

So stupid. Oh man. I missed this. I know. I gotta tell you, I remember when I got married. Um I've only been married more than once. I've only been married once. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. Yeah. Hey man, you don't stick your dick in a microwave more than once. It doesn't make any sense.

SPEAKER_06 40:10

Why'd you look at me, motherfucker?

SPEAKER_03 40:12

Because I just looking at people that have had a lot of marriages. Anyway, I remember this guy that uh was a buddy of my wife's. He came. We had people come over and celebrate because we did um we got married in Vegas, but we celebrated our honeymoon in Richmond. Right. Because everyone celebrates honeymoons in Richmond. Right. And uh he had a CPAP machine, and I had never seen one before. And I'm like, the fucker looks like a Star Wars like storm troopers in there sleeping in my uh living room. Red one checking in. Oh man. So you really have a CPAP? No.

SPEAKER_01 40:56

Oh, okay. I do. DM should be around.

SPEAKER_03 40:59

Should we, though? I actually got tested. I don't snore. I have it really bad. I don't either. And uh no, God.

SPEAKER_01 41:05

Mine's really bad. Ashley won't even sleep in the same room with me. Oh Kimmy snores. So do I. She's pulling a drywall. But now, hey, now since I went to the um IU for when I had an upper GI and stuff, um, that doctor is like it's worse thing for people that suffer from acid reflux, worst thing you can do. You CPAP? Yeah. So you either suffer from C, you know, sleep apnea or you suffer from acid reflux, but that's why I had all those problems.

SPEAKER_02 41:30

Well, you gotta sleep first in my case.

SPEAKER_01 41:31

Uh well, I stopped using it. It's not gonna bother me that you're gonna be able to do it. He said it's not good. They're not good for you. They're pressing air. It don't matter, but you know what I mean. Yeah. So you just gotta pick what pick your poison. You can die from you can early. Um if you stop breathing enough. Yeah. Well, I mean Well, I wouldn't actually don't sleep in my same bed with me now. She can't kick me. You're on your own. She can't kick start me when I stop breathing.

SPEAKER_03 41:55

Uh we'll wait on Kimmy to get back on this one. Um, I got two more to go through. You bunch of liars. About what? I swear to God, Jeremy. I and I mean that sincerely. Like, it's not that 40. Yeah. Dude, that's still almost 10 years younger than me. That's eight. Yeah, that's what I said. Almost 10. You're a liar, both of you. I don't care what you say. I honestly, it's not for me, man. I'm not saying not a number, bro. I understand that, but it's about physical attraction. And and I and I'll be honest with you, like when somebody talks about somebody in their 20s, like, I'll see someone that I think is attractive. But in my mind, I swear to God, my first head, my my first head. My first head. Where my the first place my head talking about. Yeah, my first place my head goes is like, man, that'd be somebody from my son. All right. That's I swear to you, that's where my mind goes. It doesn't even like I I'm just that's just who I am.

SPEAKER_02 42:51

Now I just know what all the old people thought when they seen me when I was young. Young fucker. Young fucker. Young bastard. Young bastard. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 42:59

But now, okay, so it let's you went on the young side of it. What would be the old side? What would be the oldest? Would you date somebody that was 60? Yeah. Yeah. Probably.

unknown 43:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 43:10

So you're really just like, I'll fucking, whatever.

SPEAKER_01 43:13

It doesn't the age thing is not really, it's how mature they are or how they'd be mature. I don't know. I mean, there's 28-year-olds is mature. He's loving it. More mature than 45-year-olds. I promise you that.

SPEAKER_06 43:24

Why'd you look at me? I'm just saying, like, I don't really put his age.

SPEAKER_01 43:29

I don't really put an age on that shit. Yeah. I would. I don't think.

unknown 43:35

No.

SPEAKER_03 43:35

How about a 75-year-old?

SPEAKER_01 43:37

She had money.

SPEAKER_03 43:39

Oh. See, it has nothing to do with it then. He needs that boat.

SPEAKER_01 43:43

He needs that boat, bro.

SPEAKER_03 43:45

Fuck you guys. I want that boat. Can you imagine marrying somebody like that and then they leave all that shit to their dog or something? You don't get none of it.

unknown 43:52

Fuck them kids.

SPEAKER_01 43:53

That'd suck. Yeah. Fuck them green kids. You've been licking the job. You've been going down on that 75 year old and you didn't get You licked all the uh spiderwebs out of that. What other stories we have? Anna Nicole Smith. Oh, she married for love.

Hickey, Blood Clot, Fatal Stroke

SPEAKER_03 44:11

That's what they said. All right, here's our fourth story. This comes to us from Mexico City 2016. A uh speaking of young love, a tragic and unusual case out of Mexico City made headlines after a 17-year-old boy suddenly died following what seemed like a completely harmless moment. The teen had been spending time with his girlfriend earlier in the evening. Later that night, while eating dinner with his family, he suddenly began convulsing and collapsed. Emergency services were called and he died shortly after. Initially, there was confusion about what caused such a sudden and severe medical event in a otherwise healthy teenager.

unknown 44:55

I know.

SPEAKER_03 44:56

Do you? Blue balls. No. Doctors later determined that it was caused by a stroke. And what triggered it?

SPEAKER_06 45:05

A stroking.

SPEAKER_03 45:06

A hickey on his neck. Medical experts believe that the suction caused a blood clot to form, which then traveled to his brain and led to the fatal stroke. While the case gained widespread attention, experts stressed that incidents like this are extremely rare. Wow. And most hickeys are harmless until the father sees them. I had another one. So there you go. I think hickeys are the grossest looking thing.

SPEAKER_06 45:36

No, it's like a it's just like a sh sign of like trying to be.

SPEAKER_01 45:40

It's a tramp standard. Oh man. I don't own you with that neck, girl. Yeah, it's vampires.

SPEAKER_03 45:48

You're shaking. You must like county fairs. Yeah. Put some makeup on it, cover it up.

SPEAKER_02 45:54

Yeah, county fairs. Oh. They got my finest cut-off sweatpants.

SPEAKER_01 45:59

Thank God. Yeah, Icky turns me on, girl.

SPEAKER_06 46:01

So is this it? Then we have to decide what is the one more.

SPEAKER_03 46:06

One more.

SPEAKER_06 46:07

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 46:08

This was from China in 2020.

SPEAKER_06 46:11

That was an epic year.

SPEAKER_03 46:12

Aaron Sitlow says grossest things ever. Question mark. Every. If it's a China story, it's grossest. Grossest things every. They're pretty nasty looking. They just look.

SPEAKER_01 46:27

We got something else you can suck besides my neck.

SPEAKER_06 46:30

Oh my gosh. And on that note.

SPEAKER_03 46:34

Right? He's like, if I'm gonna get a blood clot. Are you going to pee too?

SPEAKER_02 46:38

I don't have to, man.

SPEAKER_03 46:39

Well, go pee, man. Of course, let me hear it. Fucking baby bladders.

SPEAKER_02 46:43

No doubt. I don't know what happened. Go, go, pee. We haven't done with it in a month.

SPEAKER_03 46:46

So go go pee.

SPEAKER_02 46:49

Right.

SPEAKER_06 46:49

We're not used to having to hold it this long.

SPEAKER_03 46:52

Here's a sign of age right here. Pudding's got the prostate of a uh of a 80-year-old.

SPEAKER_01 47:02

Nurse PTSD shiver. China 2020. Everything from China's fake. Oh, that's a good oh, that's a good point.

SPEAKER_04 47:09

Yeah. That's why I said, ooh, epic year.

SPEAKER_03 47:12

Everything from China's fake, bro. What the fuck are you talking about?

SPEAKER_01 47:17

Fake news. Fake news.

SPEAKER_06 47:18

What kind of phone you got, bro?

SPEAKER_01 47:20

That ain't from China. Where's it from? Trump made it. He didn't make it. He made it. His company did. What company was that? Nikia. Nikia. You ever heard of it? N-O-K-I-A-N.

SPEAKER_06 47:32

I'll take a blood clot in a boat.

SPEAKER_01 47:36

See?

SPEAKER_06 47:37

That's a good one.

SPEAKER_01 47:38

Now you're talking, Bubba.

SPEAKER_03 47:40

From a 75-year-old? He's like, I'll let a 75-year-old man suck on my neck if I got a good boat out of it. That's right, man.

SPEAKER_01 47:45

Those boats are expensive.

SPEAKER_03 47:48

Oh. You know what's wild? They have a reality television show about boats and hose. No. About the people that work on those boats. I know. Watch it. Do you watch it? Yeah, I've seen it a couple times. Amanda watches it.

SPEAKER_01 48:00

I like it. And pal, I did not raise him. Don't ever go shopping with Dave and Pudding if you don't want to stop the pee erupted. Shit. That's driving with Kim.

SPEAKER_05 48:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 48:11

That's right. No, it's alright. That's my dad, though. My dad has to pee all the time, too. He's on their mortpills.

SPEAKER_06 48:19

I'm not. I've just been drinking a lot of water lately.

SPEAKER_03 48:23

That ain't it at all. You've had to pee your whole life. Checking your health, huh? Whatever. Oh, I wish I had to pee all the time.

SPEAKER_06 48:32

Did you wash your hands after you checked your prostate? Nope.

First Date Turns Into Family Banquet

SPEAKER_03 48:37

Sniff them. Just the pinky. Just to the first knuckle. Yeah, my prostate's close to the uh surface. Anyway, a uh man in China thought he was going on a simple first date and turned until it turned into a full family dinner. According to reports, these two uh individuals had met online and agreed to meet at a restaurant. But when he arrived, he quickly realized he wasn't meeting just his date. I'm burping like crazy. She had brought 23 family members with her to quote unquote test her generos test his generosity. Not that much. I'm out, bitch. Later. The group proceeded to order freely, treating uh the upper.

SPEAKER_01 49:29

Just rice for everybody.

SPEAKER_02 49:31

He's trying to read it.

SPEAKER_03 49:32

God, that's kind of racist.

SPEAKER_01 49:35

What?

SPEAKER_03 49:36

Just rice.

SPEAKER_01 49:37

They're in China. It is cheap. Rice is cheap.

SPEAKER_03 49:43

Missy birds. She'll pee in a ditch. Actually, you know what? That is true. I've seen Kim pee all kinds of places. She pissed in the shape of Africa one time in a parking lot at a uh a credit union. A credit union. She's like, don't look. Missy, she'll piss in a cornfield. Um she'll piss. Missy will. Missy will piss in a cornfield.

SPEAKER_02 50:07

I'll piss in a cornfield. At a concert.

SPEAKER_03 50:09

Yeah. I remember one time my ex-wife uh we went to a show at uh Deer Creek and she had got liquored and she's like, I can't go pee. I gotta pee so bad, but I can't get up to move. And we like all surrounded her on the hill in the grass with the blanket.

SPEAKER_02 50:25

You know how many times I've seen that? Really? Pissing right there. Oh man. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 50:31

She called me out. Uh anyway, this guy shows up with uh his date, 23 family members. The group preceded to order, they were treating the outing more like a banquet. By the end of the mill, the bill was$20,000 or about$3,000 American. Can I pay for my meal? The man refused to pay for everyone and left, agreeing only to cover a small portion of the cost. The situation escalated to the point where authorities got involved.

SPEAKER_04 51:03

I'm gonna say there's no second date.

SPEAKER_03 51:06

Oh no. Why would he be like, I'm out? No, no wing chung. In the end, the woman who had invited the entire group was held responsible for the majority of the bill.

SPEAKER_02 51:16

I'd hope so.

SPEAKER_03 51:17

So what turned out to be a first date turned into a 23-person dinner tab.

SPEAKER_06 51:23

This is the fake one.

SPEAKER_03 51:24

Who thought she could bring that many people?

SPEAKER_06 51:26

You know why? Because they're like, do you know 23 of your family members that you'd want to invite to talk about? I told you.

SPEAKER_01 51:34

It's either the first one or the last one.

SPEAKER_02 51:36

I'm gonna say the alligator.

SPEAKER_01 51:37

First one or last one.

SPEAKER_03 51:38

All right, so we're gonna let you all vote. You say either the snake chopping off his finger.

SPEAKER_01 51:45

It's the first or the last one. I'm going with Kimmy on the last one.

SPEAKER_03 51:47

And you're going with the last one. And you're the alligator. I'm like, last one. It's the alligator. Jesus. Yes. There's actually a uh I've seen some shit happen in the Waffle House, though. So I haven't seen the other one. There's there's actually what happened, it's kind of funny. They this guy had his uh mugshot showed up. Missy. And uh people made the story up based upon his mugshot, and people thought it was real. But yeah, so this guy literally showed up with 23 people that showed up on his first date. I would have paid for my portion and bound.

SPEAKER_06 52:20

I was like, you can hardly get six people to be able to agree on a same day.

SPEAKER_03 52:27

I don't know. Free food is free food. I know a lot of people show up for a free meal. Yeah, oh yeah. A lot of it. People love a free meal.

SPEAKER_06 52:37

And your family?

SPEAKER_03 52:38

Yeah, baby. Yeah, who doesn't love a free meal? I don't even know if I'm not.

SPEAKER_06 52:42

I know, but can you imagine 23 with your family members just being like, hey, we'll show up for the date.

SPEAKER_03 52:48

That's the other wild part. Like my immediate family and like immediate, like a relative. I don't have on my mom's side, I have no aunts or uncles left. I lost every grandparent by the time I was 19. Uh my dad passed. I only have the one sister.

Fast Food Prices And Donation Doubts

SPEAKER_01 53:07

What were they eating though? For$30,000 for 23 people? Yeah, but what that isn't that much. Yeah, but you're talking$20,$25 a plate. That isn't fuck. That's McDonald's now.

SPEAKER_05 53:19

Oh my god. Hey, long$25.

SPEAKER_01 53:21

I just ate there last night.

SPEAKER_02 53:22

Taco Bell will cost me and my kids. It'll cost if I get it for my kids, it's at least$30.

SPEAKER_01 53:27

I just wonder what they're eating because three.

SPEAKER_02 53:30

I was gonna say, how many of the kids? It's all the kids, not me. That's me not getting anything. For how much? It'd be about$25.30. Where at?

SPEAKER_03 53:38

Taco Bell. You didn't even know you could spend that kind of money.

SPEAKER_01 53:40

Taco Bell's expensive, man.

SPEAKER_06 53:42

It's$12.99 for a combo. You gotta get the app.

SPEAKER_02 53:44

I remember when that the I usually got the uh was it$12 pack of tacos? Because three of them.

unknown 53:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 53:50

It started out at$9.99. That thing is like$29.99.

SPEAKER_01 53:53

It's expensive. You gotta get the app, though. The app.

SPEAKER_05 53:58

Yeah, you can get some bonus points.

SPEAKER_01 53:59

Get the app, get the like McDonald's.

SPEAKER_02 54:01

Missy's like, at that age, can it be takeout?

SPEAKER_03 54:04

The wild part for me is as I'll go through that line at Taco Bell, and they're always like, Do you want to round up for a children's education? Oh no. I'm like, I've been paying for a children's education for the last 20 years.

SPEAKER_01 54:14

I heard it, I heard it today because I I was on the phone with Ashley, and they were like, Would you like to round up for Boys and Girls Club?

SPEAKER_02 54:20

You know, they get none of that money. They get like a penny.

SPEAKER_03 54:23

And and all that money is just a tax write-off for the Taco Bell. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You know, that shit's all bullshit. Like, they raised all this tens of millions of dollars for all those people that lost their home in the Palisades fires, and none of that money ended up in the family.

SPEAKER_02 54:37

Nobody got that money.

SPEAKER_01 54:38

I do uh I do like the Ronald McDonald house though.

SPEAKER_02 54:42

Because I mean I watched a uh podcast.

unknown 54:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 54:46

Mike uh Mike Rowe. You're talking about that. Somebody tried to build a house. The pylons alone that they want you to use to build a house on that Palisades is gonna run you 2.3 million.

SPEAKER_06 54:59

Good not.

SPEAKER_03 55:00

Just for the pylons to put the house on. There's rumors that that shit started on purpose and they let it all burn down because they need to build housing out there that are the take away all these single family homes.

SPEAKER_02 55:12

It was with Adam Corolla, and he called it. He goes, Watch, you're not gonna build these houses back, you're not gonna get permits, and if you do it's gonna be expensive. And he he has a videos of it. It's like 20-some pylons. Oh, yeah, that's gonna cost them 2.3. That's just for the pylons. The why is that?

SPEAKER_06 55:29

Does there have to be fire retardant or what?

SPEAKER_03 55:32

It's it's there's slide-based.

SPEAKER_06 55:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 55:35

There's so many uh issues out there right now. I I just saw this this week where California, if if based upon GDP, is the fourth biggest economy in the world. Yeah, it's bigger than some nations. It's bigger than Japan, it's bigger than India.

SPEAKER_00 55:52

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 55:53

And it just that little state. Well, I mean, it's not little, but it's not big, yeah. It's like 17% of the U.S. economy comes out of California. And a lot of it is it's five tech companies that are all worth over a trillion dollars apiece. Meta is based there, Google is based there, uh Tesla moved.

SPEAKER_06 56:11

Uh where's Amazon based?

SPEAKER_03 56:14

I they may be based there. What's wild though is all those people that own those companies are all moving to Miami. I think Amazon, isn't it like Arizona or Nevada?

SPEAKER_06 56:21

I have no idea. Not a clue.

SPEAKER_03 56:24

Yeah, because it's not technically a it's NVIDIA might be one. Yeah. It's the other thing that was in, I was looking this. I don't this is where my mind goes during the day now. Nice. Uh I was looking up how many billionaires live in the United States in just Indiana.

SPEAKER_02 56:41

I think there's only two. Two. Yeah, there's not a lot.

SPEAKER_03 56:43

Two? Seattle, Washington. Amazon?

SPEAKER_01 56:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 56:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 56:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 56:48

In Starbucks.

SPEAKER_01 56:49

And then the second headquarters is Arlington, Virginia. Jamie, look it up.

SPEAKER_02 56:53

Jamie, look it up.

SPEAKER_03 56:54

Right?

SPEAKER_02 56:54

Now we're turning into that up for me. Oh my god. We're turning into every we're Joe Rogan now.

SPEAKER_03 57:00

Joe Rogan, he goes to Joe. Pull up the video of the chimpanzees killing the other chimpanzees. Like that's the kind of shit that he does. Actually, I saw a thing about that the other day where there's these big chimpanzees like race wars between themselves. They've been fighting forever. And they've killed like 20 of the and they kill the babies and eat the babies of the other. They've been fighting how long? Did you see that one? They've been fighting for years. It's chimpanzee and they're like 93% same as us genetically. And we wonder why we're so fucked up.

SPEAKER_02 57:34

What is it? How long has uh US been a country? 250 years now?

SPEAKER_03 57:37

Yeah. 250 this year, yeah. This year?

SPEAKER_02 57:39

Can you guess how many years we have not been in conflict with somebody? Like 17. 17 years.

SPEAKER_03 57:44

It's what was the first war? Independence. The one that made us free. Come on, give me a turn.

SPEAKER_01 57:52

What was the first war? What was the first war?

SPEAKER_06 57:57

If it was up to you. French Indian too.

SPEAKER_01 58:00

French Indian, you motherfuckers. That was in the early 1800s. I know, but it's still funny. Oh my god, I love you guys. Revolutionary War, maybe.

SPEAKER_02 58:09

But yes, the alligator one was fake.

SPEAKER_03 58:12

The alligator one was fake. That's bullshit. He used diet soda, not that. Had to be from China. No. See? China.

SPEAKER_06 58:21

Oh, it took a turn. Yes, Missy, it did.

SPEAKER_03 58:23

It did take a turn. This is what happens when you guys go and take a pee. You just let me run free in my mind. It goes crazy.

SPEAKER_02 58:29

We haven't been here in a month.

SPEAKER_03 58:31

Yeah. I you know, I will say, I don't know how many people we had uh watching this tonight, but bless your heart. Yeah, I greatly appreciate all of you. That's uh it's hard to believe. We are over eight years old into this whole thing. And I was thinking about that this week. If you uh you look at your life, you know, again, the birthday thing and the health thing, you go through periods, and like you think the first 18 years you're your life, you're basically just getting through school. Right.

SPEAKER_06 58:57

And you're just developing your brain.

SPEAKER_03 59:00

So my 20s uh is when I started to build a family. You get married, uh, we had kids, right? My 30s was me now. Right. My 40s have been dominated by after two beers. Yeah. And what's cool, the year I turn 50 will be our 10-year anniversary. That's awesome. Because I assume we're gonna keep doing well. Hell, we've got dates planned out now until New Year's Eastern.

SPEAKER_04 59:24

And they're like, if you guys want some of 2027, we're good.

SPEAKER_01 59:28

You know what we're gonna do? What are we gonna do? We're bringing back the pumpkin bash, and we're gonna do the 50th year, and we're gonna do fireworks, and we're gonna celebrate. Yeah, I think we should do something big.

SPEAKER_05 59:38

For my 50th, I I think I kind of wanna I'll let AI plan it all. Nice vacation.

SPEAKER_03 59:44

Okay, we can do that. Okay. Uh we'll figure it out. On a boat. Yeah, we need to do something on a boat. With your we're on the boat, fireworks off the boat if you want. Yeah. I've always wanted to do that off the reservoir. I thought that'd be badass. Get a barge and put it on the reservoir and shoot fireworks off of it.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:02

People do it at other reservoirs and lakes and stuff.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:04

Oh, it's just a matter of doing it. I mean, if you do anything.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:08

No, my my uncle lives on Morse Reservoir, and they have to where they like everybody goes out on their pontoon and boom, boom.

Closing Thanks And Patreon Ask

SPEAKER_03 1:00:16

They shoot it off that bridge. Yeah. That goes across. Yeah. Pretty cool. Yeah. Yep. Uh, all right. Uh if you're following us uh on Facebook, do us a favor. Give us a share, give us a review. That's really the best way we can. That's the best way for us to continue to grow. Also, if uh you want to help us out financially, we would greatly, greatly, greatly appreciate that. We need to buy a trailer to put all our equipment in.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:40

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:41

And um we need a couple thousand dollars for that. Yep. So uh if you go to patreon.com backslash after two beers, go to our webpage after twobeers.com. Uh, you can find uh a link to it there. Again, we would greatly appreciate that. Uh also make sure you hook up my buddy Kevin Shook if you're looking to do anything um as far as uh video-based, audio-based. I saw a really cool thing he did locally with um a local realtor where it was like um just a tour of the house and it it was bad action. Was it a virtual walkthrough or it was kind of a virtual thing? It was um LE Case Bolt and Um It was like she it was actually really well done.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:26

I I just I'm just saying watching his food ones, so good stuff.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:31

So make sure you check him out. Uh Bottle Shop, Crosstown Carry Out. Thank you guys again for the uh the liquor provided this evening. Make sure you uh visit those guys. And if you're in the market for bourbon, they've got a really cool bourbon drop coming this Saturday. Uh jump on their Facebook page, they'll have a list of all the bourbons that are dropping. But uh a lot of stuff you can't find normally here locally, you can get it at that drop. And at Crosstown just tonight, like I said, I saw some uh Blantons, which was like the hardest thing to get during COVID. Everybody all of a sudden became a bourbon collector and uh you couldn't touch that stuff. So check them out. The Moose Lodge, we will be there May 2nd for our country evening. Make sure you uh give us a uh just come down and hang out with us. It's free to get in. And uh the last one we had two fights. So uh yeah, we're uh let's not do that again. No. Oh well, we we're lovers, not fighters.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:26

I don't like seeing Brian Rosie mad.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:28

I like it, Missy. I like it. Yeah, Daniel Nunez, love you, buddy. Appreciate you. Thanks for uh giving us the shout out there. Make sure you give us a share. Also, um, if you go to our Facebook page, I have scheduled almost all of the events that we're doing for the rest. We've got like 35 events scheduled between now and the end of the year. Between the podcast and podcast, trivia, music theme nights, and I'm still trying to come up with. I really think maybe we should work with RCT here locally or somebody. But I really think a pub crawl where you get a clue or a couple clues at each place you go. Yeah, I think that's badass.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:07

Or it could be like special cups, like clues on the cups.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:10

Well, the idea is that you go to the bar and there is a reason at maybe that's at the bar or whatever. It's like a I don't know, like a poker run, but of like you know, people love real crime. Yeah, I think it'd be kind of cool. That'd be great.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:25

I think it would be.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:25

Yeah, I think it would be too. I don't know.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:27

Maybe it's with a candlestick.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:30

I've never played Clue. Colonel Mustard. Never? Never we're gonna do that. Clue's fun.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:36

I love it.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:37

Yeah. Kim and I played Monopoly.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:39

She almost did not.

Reach Out And Take Care

SPEAKER_03 1:03:41

Uh I have a 3D printer. Get with me. I'll help. Okay. Yeah. I'd love to do it. Love to do it. All right. Uh, we say it at the end of every show, and you know what's funny? Um, not funny, ha ha, but you know, sometimes, you know, we think we're doing this just for ourselves, just as a uh it's almost like therapy. But uh every now and then um we hear a really cool story, and I've heard it twice now in the last month, where individuals hear what we say at the end of this podcast, and it really connects with individuals. And it's the most important thing we say on all of these shows, we say it in our trivia. I used to say it on the point when I uh was able to do those shows, and it's simply this uh the world's hard, man. Yeah. And we're all struggling. And whether it's you're losing somebody that means a lot to you, or um, you know, maybe you're down on your luck or or just whatever, you know, mental health is a big damn deal. And I love the fact that we live in a world today where you can just I fight anxiety all the time. I might seem like the most happy-go-lucky person you'll ever meet. And for some reason, there are days I will struggle and have a panic attack that you can't see it, but inside I'm struggling to breathe. Screaming, yeah. And it happens to everybody. And all I'm saying is uh, first of all, if you're going through that, don't be ashamed or afraid to talk to somebody about getting some help or just saying, hey, will you listen to me? Or just but the other one, and this is a big one, is if you see someone or you know of someone that they just don't seem like themselves, maybe they uh they just for whatever reason they just seem a little off. Don't talk about it later, don't send the flowers, give them a call, give them a text, stop by their house. I don't know, maybe don't do that nowadays. People don't like you stopping by randomly. But uh reach out to them and just tell them you love them, tell them you care about them, tell them you appreciate them. Um they matter. Yeah, we all go through things, you know. I mean, I'm at the age now and I joke about it, but a lot of the things that we get to is you get in your own mind and you're like, shit. Like you see someone that passes, and you think to yourself, I don't know, maybe that could be me. And all of a sudden now you're running down the The path or yeah, the hardest thing that you get to our age on is you start losing people that are important in your life, and Christmas isn't the same, and holidays aren't the same, and birthdays aren't the same.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:10

And you look around and like, what am I supposed to do?

SPEAKER_06 1:06:12

Things pile up. I'm telling you, shit's expensive, life is hard.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:17

It's it's just like locally, we have these two guys that are running for sheriff and it's all over town. And if I read all of the things I read about these two individuals, and you focus just on the positive, they both sound like really good dudes. Yeah. Right. Let's focus on the positive shit that's going on in this world, in this community, all over. And if we take care of each other and we're good to each other, you know what? I think we're all gonna make it in the end.

unknown 1:06:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:43

That's all I'm saying. Take care of each other. That's right. And in the meantime, we're gonna talk about people cutting their own fingers off and all the other fun shit.

SPEAKER_06 1:06:52

So I'm gonna bring 23 people to the next podcast buying the drinks. All right.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:58

I'll buy a case of beer.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:59

There we go. All right, we say it's uh at the end of the show, Gibbler pudding. I think we'll talk to them all next time. Yeah, after two beers.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:10

Take me home! Take me home home.