Hello and welcome to the Bamboo Lab Podcast with your host, peak Performance Coach, brian Bosley. Are you stuck on the hamster wheel of life, spinning and spinning but not really moving forward? Are you ready to jump off and soar? Are you finally ready to sculpt your life? If so, you've landed in the right place. This podcast is created and broadcast just for you, all of you strivers, thrivers and survivors out there. If you'd like to learn more about Brian and the Bamboo Lab, feel free to reach out to explore your true peak level at wwwbamboolab3.com.
Speaker 2Welcome everyone to this week's episode of the Bamboo Lab Podcast. I'm your guest, brian, and I'm very excited to welcome back a guest we had on December 18th of 2023. And many of you will remember, the episode Nudges from the Other Side, mary's Connection with the Afterlife. That episode has been highly, highly listened to and spread around four continents already and still growing. So we had this idea a few weeks ago to bring her back kind of with a special format. So we're going to get started on that. But before we welcome her officially, mary wanted me to remind everyone, or to recall if you listen to Mary back in December or if you're new, that Mary does have a neurological condition that affects her voice. So you'll likely notice it at first, but you'll also get used to her manner of speaking, the cadence and the rhythm. After a while you won't even notice it. So just relax, sit back, listen and lean in for Mary's story. Mary Conaty Sullivan, welcome back to the Bamboo Lab podcast, my friend.
Speaker 3Thank you, Brian.
Speaker 2You are more than welcome. Well, it was so interesting when we talked last time because obviously I'd read your book and we'll include a link to that for all the Bamboo Pack members out there I'm going to recommend click on it. I loved your book, I absolutely loved it. The story that you share and the journey you went through, the depths of sorrow and tragedy you went through it brought tears to my eyes. It made me feel like if Mary can get through this, I can get through anything in life, and it really made me reflect on so much. So I just want to let's start with, we have this really interesting idea of you want to share more of your story and the learning and the wisdom that you have acquired through your journey. So I'm going to kind of lean on you right now and let you share what you'd like to share with the Bamboo Pack.
Speaker 3All right, thank you and, yes, welcome listeners. I'm really glad to be back and what I'm going to do today is just bring you back into that journey and when we get near the end, we're going to talk a little bit more about why we're talking about this and what it may mean for you. I woke the morning of Monday, march 31, 2010, memorial Day, with rain pelting down on the roof of our horse trailer. It was early, but unusual that I was the first awake. Early, but unusual that I was the first awake. I knew we wouldn't ride the horses in the heavy rain, so I decided to head to the barn to feed and clean stalls and let my husband have a rare late sleep. I arrived back at our campsite about an hour later and when I stepped through the door, dan, my husband, was frantic. I have to get to high ground to try to get a cell signal. We must have 50 messages in our voicemail, but I can't get through. Something has gone terribly wrong. I can't get through. Something has gone terribly wrong. Mary, get the trailer buttoned up so we can hook up and head to the barn for the horses. Be quick.
Speaker 3As I worked to prepare the trailer to head out. I sifted through all the various scenarios I could think of. I settled on the idea that the house had burned down. I distinctly remember thinking of my only child, aaron, my 20-year-old son, and assuring myself of his self-sufficiency and knowing for sure it had nothing to do with him. About 20 minutes later, dan walked back through the doors of our trailer and I never want to see a look on anyone's face like his looked that morning. He was suppressing tears but he couldn't speak. I asked several times what is wrong and all he could do was shake his head from side to side. I cannot explain what made me ask Is it Aaron? Dan nodded yes. My heart sank. I cannot even explain what then made me ask is he dead? And once again, my husband nodded yes. The world went silent. We loaded the horses in the driving rain and barely spoke on a two-hour ride back home. I suspect we were both sifting through our own private thoughts, enveloped in a terrible nightmare.
Speaker 3Back home, people rushed out to meet us in the driveway. Dan's ex-wife embraced us, saying she came over as soon as she got word. Dan's oldest son, matthew, and one of Aaron's best friends, was crying and repeating over and over it's my fault. It's my fault, the police. He ran up the road. He died instantly. He ran off the road. He died instantly. Not a scratch on him. But don't go to the morgue me, to all the kids, please. I need everyone out of this house right now, except for my immediate family and then, dan mary, just go up to bed and lie down. I'll take care of everything else.
Speaker 3Lying there in bed, I remember thinking that every minute that passed was taking me further away from my son. I'd never hold him again. I'd never smell his sweet scent. I'd never hold him again. I'd never smell his sweet scent. I'd never share another smile. We'd never laugh watching a movie together. There would be nothing but memories from now on. Too distraught and restless to lie in bed, I finally went downstairs and announced. Too distraught and restless to lie in bed, I finally went downstairs and announced I'm going to the morgue. Anyone that wants to join me can? Anyone that doesn't? I understand.
Speaker 3Dan and my stepdaughter Megan jumped up and came along. My stepson, matthew and Peter, stayed home tending to their own private, unfathomable misery. I will never regret going to see Aaron that day. I got to see what his face looked like when he passed out of our time and he looked peaceful. A small smile played on his lips and his expression looked exactly as it did whenever he water skied and was just coming up on his board Full of anticipation for a good ride. I didn't know it at the time, but that was my first gift.
Speaker 3Grief is a dark and lonely path. I was being tortured. Here was a problem I couldn't fix. All eyes were on me. Dan watched me. We talked little, but he watched a lot and he let me have space.
Speaker 3The animals became physically ill with the palpable grief that clung to me. Every morning I mocked, stalls and sobbed. I could barely see what I was doing and my shirt was wet with tears and snot. The barn and the horses felt like a safe zone. The barn and the horses felt like a safe zone, but then one of the whores contracted a rare upper respiratory virus. Erin's dog, sam, developed a blistering welt on the bridge of her nose. One of the cats went into kidney failure. I was literally making everyone around me sick and yet the sun still came up every morning and I marveled how the rest of the world kept turning, while everything in my world felt utterly black and hopeless.
Speaker 3I don't recall looking for help or even trying to soothe myself. I spoke with very few people, but rejected those with ideas of accompanying me to grief groups or counseling. Nearly all of my strength had been stripped from me, but I had a coat of armor that said keep away, and I pretty firmly shot everyone out. Dan kept watching. I'd intended to make an eye doctor appointment after that Memorial Day weekend as I'd noticed a visual disturbance just as we were heading out to work that painful weekend. It hadn't let up, but of course, weeks went by before I could even think about tending to myself. I recall making an eye appointment and for some reason I told the perfect stranger on the other end of the phone that I just lost my only child, and although I have no idea who she is or who she was, I will never forget her words. One step at a time, just put one foot in front of the other for now and that's a super simple phrase, but it hit me like a bolt. It felt visceral, it felt real, it felt true and it felt very wise. I turned it over and over in my mind and I modified it to just take one breath at a time, and that simple idea got me through one hour to the next on those early, dark, torturous days. It was a mere thread but it was a lifeline, another gift, like a little footlight along a very difficult path.
Speaker 3A few weeks after Aaron's accident, a work colleague called me when he asked how I was doing. I told him that I supposed I was doing about how anyone would expect. It was rough. I didn't really know what to do with myself. I said I only knew I hadn't figured out anything I actually wanted to do, anything I actually wanted to do. And for the second time someone uttered something simple that absolutely killed. My friend said listen, mary, you do what you want to do. If you want to work, work. If you don't want to work, don't, just do what you need to do. And as I listened to him, my eyes landed on the bookshelf in my office. There was an empty journal with a full text of the books. When we hung up the phone, I picked up that journal and just began to write. I wrote and wrote and wrote some more. I poured out my thoughts and feelings in that private journal and it felt cathartic. A third gift, another footlight.
Speaker 3I began to notice some unusual things were happening around me. Songs would come on the radio and it felt like the lyrics were a message. Sometimes songs that I'd never even heard before would strike me with a significant message. Birds and insects began behaving oddly and showing up and doing things that I hadn't seen before. Lights would come on and go off all on their own, candles would sputter out and go up in smoke, only to have a flame suddenly appear again. I would have dreams of Aaron that were so real. I felt like I just spent time in his actual presence. He would console me and say things like you were a great mom and I love you. Dan and I both once saw the word M-O-M. Mom spelled out in the clouds. These things that were happening were so surreal and out of order it almost felt as if the world had started turning in a different direction. I always felt sure they were connected to Aaron, that they were signs from him intended to help me, and I put all of them in the journal that I was rapidly filling, and they too felt like a gift and little front lights on my pathway. In addition to the signs, words from others flooded in Books, poems, songs, sometimes even certain movies, brought words of inspiration and comfort to me and I've told my journals more. And I've told my journals the more those inspirational words from so many others were precious and lit my path. Those slivers of light, the threads of hope, the messages of love, the strange and unlikely connections to Erin. I realized I was coming out of the dark. I had a lifeline and I hung on tight.
Speaker 3I know that you've been there too. Not my exact story, but your own. Your own disappointment, setbacks, grief, suffering, and during those times you've likely wondered how you will manage to go on. You probably wanted to quit, and I'm not here to tell you to just go make lemonade out of lemons. But I am saying that you can keep going. I'm saying that when life gets so tough that you don't know how you're going to make it, when the path becomes so obscured you don't know where you are, when you're sure you're out of options, you still can make it. And you might be listening to me right now wanting to shout oh yeah. And here is what I'll say. It's the most important message of all Seek your path, not my path, not your colleague's path, not your spouses, not your parents, not your struggles, but yours. And sometimes that path is so dark and obscured.
Speaker 3You may find yourself in a free fall, but don't give up. Look for a way, expect some footlights and then follow them. Listen to others, but you decide what advice to keep and what to discard. Ask for help. Ask for help. Watch for signs, determine alternatives, make plans and then make changes. Recognize the little gains along the way. Give yourself room to breathe and to think. Cry it out. Get up again, practice healthy habits, rest, sleep, eat good food, exercise your body, give your mind a break and take time to immerse yourself in something simple and even fun, and then go back to work again. Understand that your mind will tell you to give up long before your body and your spirit are at their limit. Grab a hold of the threads that are pulling you up. Ditch things that don't work. Expect and appreciate the little miracles that happen and, when you're back on solid footing, hope others.
Speaker 3I've had plenty of difficulties in my 65 years on this planet. The visual disturbance that occurred the weekend of Aaron's passing turned out to be macular degeneration, and I've had over 150 150 eye injections yes, needles in my recti since June of 2010. My voice disorder has aggravated me and kept me humble. Now, for nearly half of my life. I have aches and pains, just like everyone else. This is a human condition here on Earth. But just as when an herb is crushed and it releases its incredible fragrance, it's the harder times that we endure and survive that strengthen and deepen our character and make us of greater service to others. Make us of greater service to others Because in the end, as Randolph says, aren't we all just walking each other home?
Well, thank you, mary, thanks for taking us on that journey. You know I read your book and you know we had our conversation on the podcast in December of last year and hearing you go into such depth over the past, you know 15 or 20 minutes and I'll be honest with you, I couldn't reach any, any Kleenex from where I am, so I had to take my shirt off so I could keep my nose and eyes from dripping all over the desk here. I want to reach out to the Bamboo Pack, I want to reach out to that audience member out there right now who is going through something, and I want to recap some of the highlights that Mary just shared with us. And I want to recap some of the highlights that Mary just shared with us Because I know, as she said, we all go through things. Some of us have and will again, some of us are right now and there may not be Mary's, they're not mine, they're yours and they're unique to you.
Speaker 2So if I can recap three primary points that I think Mary very clearly share with us, is number one watch for the footlights. And I really liked that, mary, because when you were saying footlights, I was thinking what is a footlight. I know of a headlight. Then I realized it's the. It's what you see as you're going down a trail or a path that's lit, that shows you the next step. I guess I don't know if I've ever heard that term and it just resonated with me. So watch for the footlights that are placed in front of you and seek your path. And Mary was very clear, not others' paths, not your boss, not your spouse, not your friends, not your spouse, not your friends, not your family, not even your hero's path, but your path, and this one here is a big one, I think. Remember that our minds and our bodies will tell us to give up, but our strength is greater than we realize and we can keep going, our mind and body, but our spirit is so much stronger than we give credit to.
Speaker 2And I'll be honest with you, mary, that's one that has affected me the past 12 months. A lot is trying to keep, you know, put a lot of my spirit as my mind is saying man, you know, do this, do that. You know, don't stretch out of your comfort zone. My body's saying don't go the extra mile. It's really been trying to gather and harness the strength of the spirit and that one hit really hard for me.
Speaker 2And then, when you're back on solid footing, or at least more solid footing be of service to others. Because one of the beautiful things, mary, you have done, that very few people have done or do when going through such a difficult I mean the most difficult thing a human being can go through let's call it what it is is you've turned that into something that is now impacting others and helping others go through either a very similar tragedy or challenge or a different tragedy or challenge. So you've embodied that last lesson of being of service to others once you're on more solid footing. So I can't thank you enough for that. I have a question for you, mary, that resonated with me during your talk. You said expect and appreciate little miracles, and I've never heard it put that way. I've always heard appreciate the miracles. But when you say expect and appreciate them, when you say expect, what do you mean by that?
Speaker 3Yeah, that's a really good question and it really, I think, hinges on another book that my husband and I, and, I think, many others around the world, rather live our lives by, and that is a book the Secret. And it's really the age old idea that very few people know. It's like acres of diamonds right in your backyard, but the idea that the things that we expect and believe in are what sets the universe in motion to bring them to us, to bring them to us, and so just a really simple illustration you know how many times during my career over four years in financial services was I expected to get up in front of a group? And I'm off stage, sitting there, literally chit-chatting, going, everyone is gonna be thinking about my voice and I'm going to be humiliated, and you know what? That's exactly what happened, and it's because I was living in a pure state and when I finally looked myself in the mirror and said, girl, your voice isn't going to get any better and so you better step up and own it, Because if you have anything to be of value to others and of service to others, you better get beyond it and be able to speak up. And I did that first through writing.
Speaker 3But once I began telling people yeah, I have this voice condition, guess what? They really didn't care. Once that they could understand me and get used to the rhythm, they didn't care. But, moreover, because I was now in a different frame of mind and expecting everything to be all right. It was, and so it's just really looking for what you expect, make a vision board, um, write down your goals and then look at those goals every day.
Speaker 3And you know, lots of people have probably told your listeners and you would need this. But the reason why they tell you that is because it really works and it really hinges on the universe, is is vibrating, if I can use a term like that, um around all of us and and it's it sets things in motion. When we believe, when we, when we set forth the things that we want and we expect, it doesn't mean that I'm going to win the lottery, but if I were hinged on money, it probably would mean that money would come to me as long as my frame of mind was right and it wasn't coming from a place of greed, et cetera. So that was a long answer, but that's what I mean when I expect the miracles.
Speaker 2Yeah, I agree with you on that and I think I share with you. I probably share with you on the last time we spoke, but I know I've shared with a lot of my guests who discuss the concept of manifestation and things of that nature and honestly, I've shared this before. A client bought me the book the Secret when it first came out and I looked at it and I read it I don't know if I read the back or story and I threw it to the side. I said this is a bunch of crap. And I went back to work and I did I'm like this is crap, Good luck with this. And I didn't say that to my later. It's probably three or four years ago and I started.
Speaker 2I started thinking about what have I done? That's kind of I always say it's kept me out of jail or has kept me out of the hospital all my life and what are the things I've done? And one of those things was this this thing I do every day. That was positive affirmations. I've been doing it for now 30 years and I call it my true peak identity exercise now. But I thought that's probably the number one thing that I realized. Isn't that just manifestation? Isn't it just telling myself something every day that finally my mind, over years, started to believe it and it started to manifest these things into my life. Now, has it been perfect? No, but it's definitely probably the greatest thing I've done for myself, personally and professionally. And then I started thinking that's what manifestation is.
Speaker 2So I started researching manifestation and reading books on it and realizing a lot of the old call it self-help literature. Think and grow rich, being one of them. One of the Bibles of the self-help world is all about that. And this is 100 years ago when he wrote this book or so, I don't know, 80, 100 years ago. And then I've written. I've read a lot of other books on this subject and, of course, I did read the Secret and I saw the movie the Secret and wasn't a big fan of the movie. I thought it was a little to me cause.
Speaker 2Here's my thoughts. I think manifestation has to be a long. You have to apply it as well. I think some people saw it as if I just think about it. It will come, but you also have to earn it. You know you have to expect it and you have to earn it and work toward it. Um, but if you work toward it. Without the expectation of it, you're probably not going to get it. So that manifesting and expecting is incredibly important. So I thought that's kind of what you meant and I really like the way you put that expect the miracles, because you will find what you seek. You will find what you look for, and if you're looking for sadness and failure or an unhealthy relationship, you're going to find it. And if you look for a healthy relationship and a healthy body and a healthy mind and a healthy success, you're probably going to find it as well. So I really like that. Have you put together a vision board, mary?
Yeah, I'm glad you said that too, because I was just going to mention over the years I think I heard about them, like on Oprah, which I rarely watched television, but I really did like Oprah and you know I've seen maybe a dozen of her programs. That tells you how much I watch tv because I know she was on for many, many years. But I remember listening to an episode or program that really went into vision boards and what it's about, and then we wound up doing one at work and so I put it away. You know, after I did it I don't remember thinking that much about it until about a year later and I was probably cleaning my office and I ran across it and I pulled it out and as I looked at each and every one of the pictures, the illustrations, the words on the board, everything actually happened. And I can distinctly remember when I made the vision board, all those things were things that I really wanted in my future board. All those things were things that I really wanted in my future, but at that time I had no idea whether they would manifest. And sure, I was working towards them, I was laying the foundation but I wasn't like actively looking at it every day, and so it was really awesome to go back, you know, a year or more later and find out that everything had come to pass, which only made me more interested in doing another one. So my husband and I did that and I tacked mine on the back of my office door and since I rarely close my office door, I only viewed it on occasion until it got time to move. A few years later I was working from home and I looked at it and, by George, everything on that vision board had come to pass.
Speaker 3And I now have two of them. One is in a little box right in front of my monitor and it's, like you know, kind of my personal home life one. The other one is one on, I think, powerpoint on my computer and I look at it about once a month and it's really my goals for the book not just from the other side, which, as Brian mentioned, um is a book I wrote about. You know it's got a lot more uh depth to it than what I just talked about and, as I said, the words of others and so forth, and the book is really intended as a gift for the world. You do not need to to have already experienced grief in order to get anything out of it.
Speaker 3I've literally had readers from all around the world tell me I've read it and I've actually made some decisions to make major life changes that have nothing to do with grief, but the words of mine and others inspired them to feel that they could begin to make some changes that they wanted but had heretofore were maybe too um, I don't know afraid or nervous to do, and so my goal for the book is for it to spread and just kind of, one by one, like ripples in a pond, um, continue panning out into the world, in the hands and hearts of those who need its messages.
Speaker 3I'm dedicating 100 book sale proceeds to chibi. This really is not about me, but that's what this new vision board is all about. And yeah, along the way, sometimes I get really, really frustrated when it feels like, you know, I've got my little group of aficionados but the book sort of stalls a little bit, or I'm sitting here feeling like gosh. It takes a Herculean effort on my part every single week in order to just spread the word, and my original vision was that it would be like, remember, in church around christmas or easter, when everybody gets, everybody receives a single candle and they're all lit and the usher walks by and lights one and that person passes to the next and the next to the next and literally within minutes there's a thousand candles glowing in the sanctuary. And that was my vision. And so I gaze at my book vision board, you know, just in order to help do my part to manifest that vision, that gift to others.
Speaker 2Well, so I want everybody to just take a minute when you're done with the listening. Today is to look on the show notes. So please click on the link to Mary's book. I'll include it here. It'll go directly to Amazon or Barnes and Noble I'm not sure which one we did last time or both and I would highly recommend it.
Speaker 2And here's one of the things that, like Mary, I shared this with you back in December when we were doing the show, when I was reading your book, maybe a week or two prior to us, you know, doing the first interview I was. I was sitting at my or maybe I think it was early, early evening and I was talking to my son on the phone and we got into an argument. Now, dawson and I are very similar in personality, both pretty headstrong, and we're very close. So sometimes when you're really close to someone, you can argue more readily. And I don't even know what the argument was. It was something stupid and we hung up angry at each other and I sat down and I was reading your book and I was probably at that time about halfway through it and I picked it up and what in the hell are we arguing about? It was like to this. Probably the next day we probably both couldn't even remember what we started arguing about. So I had texted him and said, hey, son, I love you very, very much and whatever. And he's like oh, I love you too, dad, can't wait to see you this weekend, or something like that. It was like what it made me do at that moment was appreciate life and appreciate love and appreciate family and friends. Now I can't say I've done a great deal better I mean a lot better since then, but I do know that I'm more conscious of what I have around me as far as my loved ones, whether it be family, friends, my health, my business. I've been more appreciative since reading your book, hearing your story the first time in December and now hearing in more depth today. I think these are the things that we need to hear, but not just once.
Speaker 2I think your book is a book that could be read every year by the readers, just to make sure we ground ourselves, to realize what's truly important in life. You know we chase so much in life. You know we try to change, we try to be happy, but really, you know, happiness is not what we own, it's not our car, it's not our home, it's not how popular or how good looking we are. All those things together are only 10% of our combined happiness. 50% of our happiness is determined by genetics, dna. But 40% are the things we choose, the conscious decisions we make, and most of those are all surrounded by who we associate with, how they treat us, how we treat them, the love we feel and the love we give. That's 40% of our happiness and that's the only part we can control. But we focus so much on that 10% of the stuff we own, the money we make, the car we drive, the house we live in, and that's we wonder why people aren't happy.
Speaker 2I think stories like yours and how you went through the loss of Aaron and the journey you've taken since in the last 14 years, those are the subtle reminders or maybe even not so subtle reminders of really what is important in life. And I have a question for you Now. We talked six months ago actually, to this date. That aired on December 16th or 18th, right, yeah, so six months. Your, your episode aired six months to this day.
Speaker 3Oh, that's interesting. Yeah, that's interesting.
Speaker 2On the 18th right, yeah, so your episode aired six months to this day. Oh, that's interesting, yeah that's interesting.
Speaker 3On the 18th, can I ask you and I don't know if this is too personal are you still receiving those nudges, those signs from Aaron? Yes, I am. In fact, I've got the manuscript in Word on my desktop and the manuscript is everything that you and others have seen, but at the end of it I have continued to layer in, uh, things that have happened, and I would say that aaron got super, super active, or I was super, super open right after the book launched and some really nice you know things began happening and so I wrote them in the back of the book and, who knows, I've been thinking about you know, maybe there'll be a second edition down the road, um, or a second release that layers those in um. I also do, um bloggish. I bloggishly uh work on my facebook page, which is not just from the other side, and I bet you and your readers and you probably already are following me there, but I may put some of them up there from time to time.
Speaker 3I'm a very inconsistent blogger, but when I do it, you can be assured that it's very much from the heart or I'm feeling led to do it. You know so. But yeah, I have uh continued to hear from erin. And then what's really amazing is the more that people become aware of my work, the more that they tell me stories. And if you don't mind, I have a very short story for you right now.
Speaker 2No, please go ahead.
Speaker 3Okay. So last weekend I was very privileged to once again again be an assistant at a very dear friend of mine's retreat, and she leads retreats internationally and it's the parallels of yoga and horsemanship which you know. Both of these things are sort of in my wheelhouse Never yoga until I'm better, but horsemanship definitely, and now I love doing yoga but anyway. So I'm her assistant and she's very generous always to let me, at the end of the program, say a couple words about the book, and anybody that's there that wants to purchase a copy of the book is invited to do so. And so this is really something that occurs at the end of the day, at the end of the retreat, but invariably even mid-morning, before we've even begun.
Speaker 3All of a sudden the synchronicities are like popping up. And that particular day, which was last saturday lunch, I'm sitting next to a couple of women at a long table and the woman on my left begins telling me that you know, my dad just died and my brother died, and she starts talking about how she feels, like she's heard from them, and then the woman across from me says oh, you know what? My mom just died and she always loved gardening and I was in the greenhouse a few months ago and it was an absolutely stupid day with utterly blue skies and the door wasn't even open and all of a sudden, within the greenhouse, the wind chimes began um singing and I could feel a very hefty breeze. And she said and I knew instantly that it was my mom and I just laughed out loud with with joy that you know they, they were experiencing these things and I didn't say anything at the moment.
Speaker 3But, boy, you can bet, when I told my story um more abbreviated version than what I've shared with you here today at the end of the day that they were running up and another woman in the group ran up afterwards and she said I lost my own daughter at 17 years old in 1984. And I just want to give you a hug and tell you I'm sorry for your loss. So yeah, the synchronicities are just amazing. And again, it's just sort of that expecting and then sitting back and waiting for those little miracles.
Speaker 2Speaking of synchronicities, what is the date of Erin's birthday?
Speaker 3March 20th.
Speaker 2Isn't that?
Speaker 21990., and so, folks, when we were talking last December, when Mary said that at the end of the show I think it was I said, mary, do you have any idea what date my birthday is? And she said no. I said it's March 20th. I mean, there's a one in 365 chance of that happening, it's just I don't know. I have a question for you too.
Speaker 2Now, if because I agree with you, because I've looked back on my life and after my father died you know, I physically saw him and I can remember that I was only five years old and maybe not he died when I was four and a half, so I think I was about five and I remember the day. I remember exactly what happened. I remember it was a Sunday. I remember where we were all at. I remember where I was at in the house, where he was kneeling down in the house and waved at me and what he did. When I went to run over to him, he kind of waved me off and said, like, put his hands up. He just waved at me and I just waved at him and blew him a kiss and I kept walking.
Speaker 2We were going to church and I never, ever thought of that as weird. It wasn't until I became an adult, like. I never thought of that as well. That's really strange. My dad's not here. He's been gone for a few months now, or a few weeks, I'm not sure what the time frame was after he had passed. But it wasn't until I became an adult that I stopped and realized wait a minute, that couldn't have happened. It couldn't have, but it did, that's the thing it did happen.
Speaker 2I never doubted it, I never questioned it growing up. I just always remembered that day and what happened. It wasn't a dream, um, I remember dreams and I can tell the difference between a dream and in reality. Um, but it actually happened and I remember even the. I remember going to church and kind of thinking about it that day and and and then kind of just thought, oh cool, I got to see dad again.
Speaker 2You know, I was too young I was too young to question the reality or whether that could be true or not, until I got older.
Speaker 3Well, and the reason why is, as you got older and you became exposed to formal education and the expectation and ideology of others, you unlearned what we all came into this world knowing, which is that we exist eternally. And all major religions would not argue that they have some variations on where you might go and what you might do or not do afterwards. But we are made of energy and we know from our own laws of thermodynamics matter which is energy can neither be created nor destroyed, and it stands to reason that there is an essence of us that exists beyond what we know as our earthly path. There's too many accounts like mine. Yes, they're observable. Are they instantly repeatable? Absolutely not. But you know what? Isn't that the mystery of little miracles? And there's so many things that quantum physics are now beginning to discover.
Speaker 2We're just kind of scratching the surface of new knowledge that may, in fact, take us to that next level, where no one will say, oh, that couldn't have been real, or second guess themselves after an incident like that. Right, and like you said, energy and matter and energy cannot be destroyed. It just it is. It just goes on for for infinity. I was. I listened to a, I posted it today, I think on maybe no, I didn't. I saved it to my phone. I think it was on Instagram or Netflix or not YouTube.
Speaker 2This elderly lady was talking about um, or I tube. This elderly lady was talking about I'll send it to you. I can't repeat it very well, I don't know how to do it well, I don't know how to do it justice About the light when you die. I think she had had a near-death experience or had died and come back, and she talked about the light and how, oh gosh I didn't even bring it up because I can't repeat it, because I only listened to it once and I saved it on my phone. I texted it to myself about how we go into the silver or we break the silver thread, which is what holds our spirit and our body, and she said, our body is just, it's a temporary thing. Spirit cannot die, it's our energy. It cannot die.
Speaker 2I don't know if she was a physicist or not, and she shared about how we continue to go. I know she didn't talk about what happens afterward, um, beyond the light, but the light is just pure love and the light is, is where you, we want to be, and what holds us back is our earthly body. I think it was like a silver thread. She was as an, as a symbol, and anyway I'll send it to you and if anybody's interested, I can probably shoot me. Anybody can email me and reach out and I can send it to them too. But you had mentioned something earlier about practicing healthy habits of rest, sleep, eating good foods, exercise and give your mind a rest, taking time to immerse in the simple fun things and then go back to work again. Simple fun things and then go back to work again. How, how important has that been to you? As the exercise, the activity, the rest and the healthy you know?
Speaker 3the healthy eating for you. Yeah, so one thing I'll say before I answer, that is to the listeners. You know those suggestions are not anything linear, it's. It's almost more like throwing a bunch of things out there that you may grab onto one or two or five or eventually maybe even all of them, I don't know. But they're not linear, they're not meant to be prescriptive, they're only there as a smattering of the things that really served as lifelines to me.
Speaker 3And I do not think that I exercised for months after losing aaron.
Speaker 3I think I was more just, you know, as I said, one breath at a time, uh, beginning to put one foot in front of the other, and then, just all of a sudden, some little, you know, rays of sunshine would, would pierce through this darkness that enveloped me.
Speaker 3But you know, later on I went back to what me, luckily, has been a lifelong habit of getting a lot of exercise, eating right and just, you know, really healthy habits, engaging in good rest. And I'm very careful what I watch, what I read, what I immerse my mind in If it isn't going to be helpful. Not that my life is all about improvement. My life is also very much about finding joy, being of service to others, but it's for those reasons that I probably would never go to a horror movie thing for me. It brings me into a state of fear and just hyper, um, hyper area that I don't want to be in. And so I just believe in um soaking in the things that are healthy to this body that I'm temporarily occupying while here on earth, because I can do better for me and for others if I'm taking good care of it.
Speaker 2Okay, that makes a lot of sense and I agree with you. I find that when I am at my lowest points, emotionally or mentally, that's when I least want to take care of my body. I don't want to exercise, I would just want to eat comfort foods, I don't want to read things, that I want to escape into movies and really kind of go on YouTube and scroll for hours at a time. And I find that and I think there's times when that's really necessary I think you have to give your discipline a break, because willpower is limited for one thing, but when I find one of the keys for me anyway, and when I, one of the first things I ask a client when they're going through a difficult time is I ask him how are you taking care of your body?
Speaker 2And most of the time when they're suffering professionally or emotionally, they are not taking care of their body. And I find, for me anyway, that when I go back to the exercising, you know fairly, you know decent level, and I start really eating again and the proteins and you know, obviously, vitamins and supplements key things, especially the exercise for me, is being able to get out in nature and, you know, put weight on my on my backpack and go for a hike or go for a run or or lift weights. You know those. Those are things that helped me get through, and I think everybody is different. Everybody has their own prescription, their own remedy to getting through difficult times. I just I don't think exercise and eating right can, or eating well could ever hurt your endeavors, no matter what you're going through.
Speaker 3Yeah, I agree, and I really want to be clear with everyone that I do not stand in judgment of anyone else's behalf. I know a lot of people that have suffered very significant loss and they've rolled up in a ball, you know, for a time, and sometimes for a really long time, and maybe they'll do it forever. I'm not here, um, to say, no, you need to do what I did or you need to take one or more of my suggestions or ideas. No, I'm here to say it's very personal. Grief is personal. Way you decide to live your life is personal.
Speaker 3You need to do what you think is best for you, and if that means you're pulling up in the ball, if it means you know you want to go drink or watch, you know, a movie that jars your senses, I'm not here to say that that's good or bad. I'm more here to say follow your path, watch for the little footlights that can lift you up and be of service to others, and remember that you can keep going. So, whatever that may mean for you, I do think others can be extremely helpful. That's the reason why I included the words of so many others in my book and I know it's jazzed a few people up and they're really hellbent now on making some positive changes in their life. But I do not stand in judgment. I'm I'm only here to provide my story and my ideas and hope that they are of service to others right.
Speaker 2Well, I think, like you said, you have to look for the lifelines, and you grabbed onto the lifeline, that lifelines along the way. Your book is a lifeline to to some people and for others it may not be, um, they might have other lifelines that they're they seek out there and I I like, um, the idea of um, something you had said earlier. Aren't we all just walking each other home? That quote, I think, in the long run and I think you're right on that, I think you know, we you're when you go through something tragic and you go through a very difficult point in life, and it's it's it's easy for us to look at another person and saying why aren't you snapping out of this? Okay, it's time to pick your head up and move forward and, you know, pick yourself up by the bootstraps.
Speaker 2Yet it's such a unique and personal journey for everyone and I think when we start to judge people who are going through something, we're not doing them any service. Our job, in my opinion, is to be there for them. Don't walk in front, don't walk behind, walk alongside them and then, when they tell you to step aside, step aside for a while and then, when they call you back, walk alongside them again, you know, be a positive influence in the by just simply being there with them. And sometimes it's hard in Western society we have very little patience. You know, we, we want to fix people, we want to fix ourselves, we want to fix things.
Speaker 3We want to make things better. You know better, and it can be a very challenging process. Not easy to watch a loved one going through hell and, believe me, Dan loved Aaron. He was his stepdad and he was going through his own hell. But he was smart enough to know what he needed to do for me, which is just sort of be there as my wingman, fly alongside it, don't get in front of me, don push me from behind and just watch. I know he was watching to see if I was going to go off the rails in some way and, um, you know, he let me just sort of have at the rope that I needed and I think he would have rescued me if I'd started to go under. But yeah, what you said is right Just be alongside is sometimes the very best thing that we can do for somebody else Just listening.
Speaker 2Yeah, Like I said, it's a challenge, but it's a challenge that if you care for someone, we're up to it. Most of us are up to that challenge Because the nice thing about it we're going to go through difficult times. Everybody is has will, and it's just nice in that if you walk alongside somebody when they need you, they're probably going to walk alongside you when you need them, and that's what you said by. We're all just walking each other home.
Speaker 3Yes, yes.
Speaker 2My friend, I can't tell you how much I appreciate coming back on the show again, and your story is tragic but yet so inspiring and amazing at the same time. When you were going through your story, I literally was sitting there. I took my shirt off so I could blow my nose behind, trying to turn my head, blow my nose and wipe my tears. But then, as you start talking, I find so much hope in the story. There's so much hope in this story. Erin's still with us. In fact, I believe Sam is now with Erin, isn't he?
Speaker 3She is, yeah, erin's dog, the one that I said put the welt on the bridge of her nose. It wasn't because Erin was gone, it was because I was in so much agony and I was just literally, it was so palpable that I was just making everyone in my orbit ill. And he lived with us till she was 17 years old, which is very old for a large dog and she passed only five days after Aaron's earthly birthday, march 20. So she passed on March 25th and she is now resting with him. What was her body is now resting there with him.
Speaker 2She just passed recently, didn't she? Yeah, this year on March 20th, that's what I thought Erin kept her down here for quite a while to help you and the family, but decided okay, it's time to come home with me now.
Speaker 3Uh-huh yeah.
Speaker 2My friend, I don't think our doing podcast relationship is over. There's so much more to your story as the years progress and I'd like to have you back on sometime when you're ready and when you'd like to.
Speaker 3Well, thank you for the opportunity and I just really, really appreciate our connection. I always listen to the podcast when I have a minute each week, and you've just got some wonderful guests there, so I appreciate you so much.
Speaker 2So thank you again for being such um. Inspiring is probably not even the right word. I want to use a hope filled and a hope um hope giving guests on the bamboo lab podcast.
Speaker 3All right, thank you.
Thank you, my friend. Everyone out there please, um, take the time to look at the show notes and I would really recommend, if uh, to look at Mary's, at Mary's Facebook page, not just from the other side. I follow it and it just keeps me grounded. It really does, and I have read her book. It stays on my shelf where I can see it on a consistent basis.
Speaker 2I've given it as gifts for other people who have loved it and it might be something that could really help you whether you're going through the loss of a loved one or not.
Speaker 2It might be something that could really help you whether you're going through the loss of a loved one or not, just understanding that life is precious and we do tend to focus on things that we feel are precious, but they're earthly pleasures I should say that really don't give long-term significance to life. But when you read Mary's book, you will realize that there is so much more that sometimes we take for granted and it tends to humble. It humbled me. It made me realize that I need to, that I want to appreciate more of what I really truly have on this earth and the loved ones and the love that I share with, not just my family, my friends, clients, even the bamboo pack. For most of the vast majority, I probably will never meet, but it makes me appreciate you all. So I'll see you all in a week. In the meantime, please get out there and strive to be and give your best, show love and respect to others, and live with purpose and remember one breath at a time. I appreciate you all.