"I Choose.." with Travis Allen Sterner

https://www.sternerinspirations.com/

You can hear the exact moment a life turns. Travis Allen Sterner tried to end his life as a teenager, then spent decades climbing, crashing, and rebuilding until he reached something most people want but few can explain: real freedom. When he tells me he does “pretty much anything I want,” we unpack the price he paid to earn that sentence and the choices that made it true.

We go from military service and high-income corporate success into the darker side of ambition, including meth addiction used as a productivity weapon, sleep deprivation, and the slow erosion of identity. Travis shares the turning point that still gives me chills: a personal growth seminar where he stands in front of a room full of strangers, admits he has been lying to everyone, and throws away his drug kit on the spot. From there, we talk about what recovery actually looks like when it’s not a slogan, and how empathy becomes real when you’re raising kids who carry trauma of their own.

At the center of our conversation is Travis’s "I Choose..." Framework, inspired by a sticky note from his grandmother that simply read: “I choose…” That phrase becomes a practical tool for self-awareness, forgiveness, and freedom, plus a clear way to change the language you use with yourself from “I have to” into “I choose to.” We also explore foster parenting, identity, shame, and a deeper gratitude practice that goes beyond generic lists into the specific details that instantly ground you.

If this hits you, share it with someone who feels stuck, struggling, or ashamed of their past. Subscribe, leave a review, and send me your biggest takeaway: what are you choosing next?

Transcript

Welcome And Big Guest Tease

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello, and welcome to the Bamboo Lab Podcast with your host, Peak Performance Coach Brian Bosley. Are you stuck on the hamster wheel of life, spinning and spinning, but not really moving forward? Are you ready to jump off and soar? Are you finally ready to sculpt your life? If so, you've landed in the right place. This podcast is created and broadcast just for you. All of you strivers, thrivers, and survivors out there. If you'd like to learn more about Brian and the Bamboo Lab, feel free to reach out to explore your true peak level at www.bamboolab3.com.

Brian 0:41

Welcome everyone to this week's episode of the Bamboo Lab Podcast. I gotta share with you, everyone, or at least most of you, uh the subscribers we've had for many years, you know who the Pod Father is. His name is Dave Dick. He's the gentleman who got me started on the podcast world. It was his idea for me to do this. He's been on the show three three times, I believe. And Dave, every once in a while, will throw at a potential guest to me. Like, hey, I think you should talk to this person. And he's always been he's always been right on. But I don't know, maybe three weeks ago, two weeks ago, he sent me an uh introduction to this gentleman we have on today. And I gotta be honest with you folks, I wasn't feeling it. I don't know why. I didn't know anything about the guy. I just was like, oh man, you know, I have a lot of people proactively reaching out now to to um to come on the show. So I don't do a lot of asking. I do still ask. I mean, I asked a woman who was like three weeks ago to come on, and she came on and did a fantastic show. But I don't know what it was. So I I said, yeah, yeah, that's cool. You know, I'll talk I'll talk to him. So anyway, this gentleman and I we talked last week, and I'm like, within two minutes, I was hooked on this guy. I'm like, why was I even what was wrong with me even considering not talking to him? I've been so excited for the past week to bring him on the show, and I'll tell you why before I introduce him. When I said, Hey Travis, what do you do for a living? This was last week, he said pretty much anything I want. And right from that moment on we became good friends. So, my friend Travis Stirner, welcome to the Bamboo Lab Podcast.

SPEAKER_01 2:12

Hey Brian, that's a that's a fantastic introduction. And uh I love being a disciple of the Pod Father. That's that's fantastic.

Brian 2:20

Dude, you're like an underdog coming out. And it's funny because I don't know why. I don't know if I just wasn't like in the mood to I mean, I have a lot of podcasts coming up, and I think I've done this is the fourth one in eight days or some seven days, and I have another one next week. But man, when I talked to you last week, I'm like, I within a couple of minutes, I mean there was a connection there between us, and I'm like, this is exactly who I want to come on the show. So I'm really excited to talk to you today. I really am.

SPEAKER_01 2:44

Yeah, awesome, awesome. Well, I'm happy to be in acquired taste.

Brian 2:48

Well, no, I I I acquired it right away. Um I think sometimes I you know Dave will throw me some introduction to people because I think he just wants to, he's he's helping out and stuff like that. So I I I don't know, I wasn't sure how much thought he put into it, but he was right on it. In fact, I told you earlier, Travis, we talked, David and I talked today for 90 minutes on the on the Zoom call, and I told him that same story. I'm like, it was just like complete when we start talking, it was a complete connection.

SPEAKER_01 3:15

So that's that's awesome. Well, I'm excited to be a part of the of the bamboo pack here.

Brian 3:20

Yeah, the bamboo pack, brother. So okay, so I got to know a little bit about you um over the past week. So but can you tell us a little bit more about you know about yourself, your childhood, your family, who or what inspired you growing up? Just go as deep as you want to, Travis.

SPEAKER_02 3:32

Sure. Yeah, well, um,

A Suicide Attempt And Second Life

SPEAKER_02 3:36

so when I was in software sales, um, you know, one of the the tricks I learned is is you don't just walk up to somebody and you go, hey, I'm Travis. Um, you know, who are you? Um you walk up to somebody and you say, Hey, what's the most interesting thing about you? And, you know, the look that people give you, it kind of throws them off that game a little bit, you know, but lets the guard down and uh and lets you see who they really are uh a lot of the times and and of course within reason. But uh the most interesting thing about me is I'm I'm actually living a second life. Um I in my teens, my junior year of high school, I I attempted suicide. Um and I really tried. You know, I mean I I gave it the uh uh what I thought was was gonna be the best method. I I uh took a couple packs of sleeping pills and said goodnight to my family and went to bed thinking that was it. And um I'm still here talking to you, my man. So um, you know, there's there's very much a reason um why why I uh am still here and and uh why now I'm I'm getting ready to turn 50 this year. And and that was uh you know what, 32 years ago now. So, you know, pretty uh yeah.

Brian 4:50

So I'm glad you have failed. I'm I'm glad that was your one big failure.

SPEAKER_02 4:57

Well, I and I have failed spectacularly since then, but that one definitely uh, you know, that one uh that one taught me a lot, I guess. I don't know. Yeah.

Brian 5:08

Oh um yeah, no, tell me about your family.

SPEAKER_02 5:13

Yeah, so um, yeah, I've got a um uh a wonderful wife of uh 22 years, and uh, you know, she and I got married um when we were 27, so you know, got to get all the crazy shit out of the way early, you know, with uh with my 20s and and all that. And uh, you know, she is is just this amazing nurturing woman. Um, you know, she's she's somebody who has taught me to love by default. Um she uh is uh this just um I I call her my perfect. I know it drives her nuts uh because I I say that all the time, but it uh it really is the truth. I mean, she is she is that person for me and uh the one that I I just love spending time with. And together she and I had uh two biological boys um up until about 2021. So we were a family of four. And uh and yeah, and then in 2021 we had two more um boys come to join us. Uh my cousin's kids um were were put with us in a foster play foster placement, and uh so we became a family of six.

Brian 6:23

And was that really 21 you said or 20?

SPEAKER_02 6:27

Yeah, that was that was 21. So yeah, we were deep in deep in COVID, yeah. Um, which, you know, I mean, it never really factored into our decision. We had actually been approached a couple years prior to that um about potentially taking them. Uh and we had said yes at the time, and then and then

Marriage Fatherhood And Foster Placement

SPEAKER_02 6:45

they ended up in a in a little different placement um for a little while. So so we were happy to have them and they and they bookended the group. Um, you know, the oldest boy is is a foster, and then the two middles are the bios, and then the youngest is a is is a foster boy, but um, you know, they're all they're all four our kiddos.

Brian 7:03

And where did you grow up, Travis?

SPEAKER_02 7:06

Yeah, I uh grew up in uh the Seattle area. Um I was uh uh born and bred and just kind of hung around that whole area, and then uh when after failing at committing suicide, I uh was trying to figure out what's next. And so I joined the military. Um and you know, that was that was my college, was uh being in the army and uh and and learning the lessons of of when uh you you get to serve your country and and be with a team that is just um you know literally has your back, you know, it takes takes your life in their hands and and you have their life uh in yours. And then uh yeah, came home and uh from the military and and um I was right in the I was in satellite communications in the military, and so I got picked up by um MCI. You remember that old long distance company? You know, back when long distance was something, right? Yeah, exactly. And uh yes, I worked for MCI for uh for 11 years, and in in those early days, I um I was part of the dot-com boom, you know, that 98, 99 just insanity. And they were just paying uh, you know, so much money, and of course all these startup companies were coming in and hiring all the hiring away all the senior talent. And so I just, you know, I was it was serendipitous. Um was in the right place, right time, and uh was earning more money than uh than a 20-something should. And I I bought my house in Bellevue, you know, which is about two and a half miles south of uh Microsoft campus. I was driving a brand new truck and you know still had money left over. So of course, you know, I do what most dumbasses do, and I started doing drugs. Um I got into uh uh methamphetamines as uh at first as a party drug, you know. But it's uh I don't know if you've ever done methamphetamines, Brian.

Brian 9:10

No.

SPEAKER_02 9:11

Nope.

Brian 9:12

So I do edibles. I move marijuana.

SPEAKER_02 9:16

And that's you know, that altered state, right? Yeah, yeah. One of the things about about methamphetamines, I was a kid of the 80s, you know, and and drug abuse resistance education, you know, dare to keep kids off drug. And and and yeah, and so they're telling us, you know, drugs are bad, don't do drugs, you know, sex is bad, don't have sex, guns are awful, you know, don't play with guns, you know, and then here I go in the military and learn that that guns have a purpose, right? Um, I have awful sexual experiences because you know, this thing that I was taught to fear is is something that makes me feel like nothing else. And then of course, into the drugs, you know, it's like you're you're being told no, no drugs, no drugs.

Money Success And Meth As Fuel

SPEAKER_02 9:55

You know, then you try it and you're like, oh my God, you know, how do how do people live without this? Um and so I turned methamphetamines into a a career tool. And and I am not advocating for this, Brian. Let me be very clear. Let me make sure I disclaim this, you know, that I'm not saying go on, do methamphetamines, please. Um, but I was in such a position to where the company that I was working for was short on people and they needed us to work, and methamphetamine served a purpose.

unknown 10:26

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 10:27

And um, so I mean, I was working 18, 20 hours straight. Uh, had a foam pad under my desk uh in my office in Seattle. You know, um, I mean, there were there were times I stayed up, uh, I think my record was eight days straight, uh, where I stayed up, you know, was was awake and uh were you working most of that time, Travis? Yeah, oh yeah, yeah. This is the thing, you know, this is the thing about me, right? Most most guys you know get addicted to meth and then they go out and they and they play, you know, and and here I am abusing methamphetamines and I go out and work. Wow. So and and of course it feeds the loop because you know I'm making tens of thousands of dollars a month and uh and just you know put it right back uh into my body. So um I rode that wave for about eight months, and um, and it it enacted a toll, as um I'm sure you and and your audience, you know, has seen the worst of.

SPEAKER_03 11:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:25

Um thankfully I was uh I was paranoid about my teeth. You know, I didn't want I didn't want my teeth to fall out. And so so I would do methamphetamines and I would go brush my teeth. That was my routine, you know, and I probably did that a dozen times a day, you know. So I had the best teeth you've ever seen.

Brian 11:42

Definitely the best meth to you probably.

SPEAKER_02 11:44

Yes, for sure. Um, and you know, I think one of the crazy things was I'm I'm a big guy, you know, you meet me in person, I'm about 275 right now. I think uh when I left the military, I was I was right around 225, um, and even gained some, of course, like like all the guys do when they leave the military, you know, everybody gains weight. Um, but I was at at the point that I was um at my peak with meth, uh, I was below my high school wrestling weight, um, which I wrestled wrestled 178 in high school. So um, you know, and then and then of course, you know, the the horrible thing there, Brian, is is everybody's going, God, you look fantastic. What's your secret? Right. You know, and and of course you're lying to everybody, you know, you're going, oh, you know, I've just been working a lot, I don't have time to eat, you know, blah blah blah blah.

Brian 12:35

Yeah, you couldn't blame Mozimbek.

SPEAKER_02 12:38

Yeah, that wasn't that wasn't even a consideration at that point. So but uh but yeah, and then uh uh so amusingly enough, my my friend Michelle, um, who I had met through MCI, she was a she was a uh a part of our team. Um she knew I had some some issues with my parents, you know, communicating. I'd been estranged from my mom for for a really long time and um had a pretty rough relationship with my dad and abusive stepmother, you know, the the classic family, you know, uh dysfunction, right? And so my friend Michelle is like, hey, you need to you need to take this seminar um because it's gonna teach you how to um deal with your parents. And uh so sure enough, I go into this uh the seminar and and and keep in mind, Brian, I'm I'm meffed out of my mind. You know, at this point I am on the the highest class class of methamphetamines. It's uh they call it glass. At that time they called it glass. Um, but it's that that pure stuff that you see in breaking bad where it's like these clear crystal shards. And um, and it's just you know, I mean, it's it it sends you over the moon, you know. I mean, the tiniest little little sliver in your um you're just amped up. So and I'm a pretty amped up guy anyway. I got a big personality. Um so yeah, so she uh she

The Seminar Confession That Changed Everything

SPEAKER_02 14:05

told me I needed a seminar, and so um about a week before I take the seminar, I have an emotional breakdown at work. Um something set me off. You know, again, I'd been awake for for however long, and I ended up just letting one of the managers uh of one of the other teams have it in a very public meeting. And he and I almost came to blows in the middle of this this corporate uh corporate uh conference room. And so my boss literally grabs me by the collar, throws me into a chair, I start sobbing, you know, because your my limbic is just fried at this point, of course. And uh so he kicks everybody out of the room and he's like, Hey, you know, we we need to talk about this. He goes, I cannot acknowledge what is happening, um, you know, because the company would be liable. Um he goes, You're suspended for a week, go figure it out.

Brian 14:59

So they knew that they knew, but they just couldn't acknowledge it. Or they suspect it.

SPEAKER_02 15:04

I I still maintain to this day he did not quote unquote know.

SPEAKER_03 15:08

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 15:09

Um, and to be fair, this boss is somebody I'm still in connection with today, and he is a fantastic human being. Um, one of the best mentors I've ever had in my life. Um, but yeah, he did not know. Uh officially he did not know, Brian. How about that?

Brian 15:24

We'll stick with that one.

SPEAKER_02 15:26

Um yeah, so and again, you know, uh the the God's honest truth is everybody around me knew, you know, and they were starting to make comments and and all of that. So um so I go to the seminar. It's a four-day um seminar starts on a Thursday, you know, and they immediately dive into um, you know, how do we how do we make you into a better human being? You know, and I'm like, wait a minute, but what the hell are you talking about? You know, I'm I'm here, you know, because of my my parent issues. And everybody starts talking, you know, everybody's sharing their stories, and and I mean there's 120 people in this room. It's a it's a big, huge room. And on my brakes, I'm going down to my truck and I'm smoking a glass pipe of methamphetabies. I mean, this is this is the life, this is the routine that I was in at that point. And um, so the stuff is coming in, and of course, you know, when your brain is is going as fast as it does, you know, one of the loudest voices is that that judgy voice. Yeah. You know, and so I'm I'm you know, I'll I'll be transparent. I'm listening to all of these people whine about their life, you know, and I'm like, what in the hell is wrong with you? You know, I mean, just figure it out. And and I mean it's the it's the full gamut. I mean, we have people that are we have couples in there that are trying to figure out their marriages, like like they're on the edge of of getting a divorce, you know, and that's why they're in the seminar. Um, there was a there was a gay couple. Um, the man, the one of the the partners was a very high-up executive at REI and still had not come out because he was afraid that society would only see him as a gay man. And that's why he was there. You know, his his partner had drugged him to this seminar, you know, to to to bring out that uh authentic piece. And uh, and so I had you know, I had no idea what I was in for, but day after day, same routine. We all were going through this deep stuff, they're encouraging me to have conversations, um, you know, with my dad, try to get a hold of my mom, talk to my sisters, you know, all that kind of stuff. And it was Sunday morning, uh, you know, the last day of this seminar. And um and I went out, I did my routine in the truck, and came back in, and they had us do this visualization exercise. And so the room is dead quiet and the the leader, you know, is facilitating. And when you're on methamphetamines, the worst thing that you can do is be alone with your thoughts. It's absolutely terrifying what comes up. And I'm emotionally raw because they've been they've been kind of scratching at all of these different, you know, things that are happening in your life. You know, what is holding you back as a human? You know, what are the choices that you're making that are that are causing you to to not be who you really could be? And uh so I just had this horrific epiphany, you know, where I was just this clown, you know, as this the visualization that I had, Brian, was I was a meffed out clown. You know, so I'm trying to uh you know make the world laugh while I'm while I'm living this this completely inauthentic, you know, artificially energy driven, you know, life. And um and and and to be frank, it terrified me. And so I didn't want to say anything, you know. Everybody else is getting up there and they're sharing their experiences, um, you know, and I didn't want to say anything. And then I I kid you not, it was like an out-of-body experience. I was I was up out of my seat and and keep in mind the seminar had moved on. We had completed the exercise and we were moving on to the next thing. And the the seminar leader, he hated me, you know, because I'm as this loud, obnoxious asshole. And and you know, so he didn't he didn't really want a whole lot to do with me. Um, but I I got up there, you know, again, just driven by, you know, that higher power. And I sat on the edge of the stage and I just sat down, I didn't say anything. And he ignored me for about 10 minutes, you know, and and people are starting to whisper and they're looking at me and they're like, Are you okay? And and I'm like in this weird trance space. And so finally he goes, Travis, what are you doing? Yeah, he's he's annoyed with me. And I said, I have something to say, and I feel like if I don't say it, it's gonna invalidate my experience and potentially all of the experience of the people that I've talked to in this seminar. And of course the guy's the guy's annoyed, he's like, I highly doubt that, but come on, say your piece, you know. And so I get up there, I'm in front of 120 people, and I start crying. And I say, uh, I've been lying to all of you, I've been lying to everybody in my life. You know, I've been letting this glass pipe be the icon of my existence, and and I'm done. I cannot do this. Um, and it was, you know, uh Chris Farley had passed, you know, the comedian, uh, the drug overdose, you know, and it was like that was one of the visions that came to me, you know, because I was one of those famous fat funny guys, you know, that all of a sudden, you know, his life just gets snucked out, snuffed out. And and so I said that, you know, I don't want to add to that statistics. I don't want to, I don't want to die, you know, um, because I can't control this this uh this substance. And I said, I have my drug kit in my pocket, I want to get rid of it, um, and I want to be done. And the whole room goes dead silent. And 30 seconds, nobody says anything, nobody does anything. And um I turn and the the leader hands me a trash can. So I dump my drug kit into this trash can. And I remember this lady, it's just the funniest thing. It's one of those, you know, visceral memories that's always gonna be stuck in my head. She runs up with this trash can, it runs up, grabs this trash can, and she's like tiptoeing back to the back of the room as if it's gonna explode on her, you know, like like she's getting this ticking time off. You know, because I mean most people don't have this kind of exposure to to drugs, you know, that kind of thing. And and so she ends in the Um the seminar leader, all of a sudden he just grabs me. He doesn't say a word. He just grabs me and he hugs me. And and then I'm I'm really I lost it at that point. You know, I mean the the adrenaline is just coursing through my veins. And of course, whatever meth is still in my system is kicking in high gear. And the room just applauds, you know, it explodes into applause. I mean, the there's all these people that are cheering, and um, and I I step down off the stage and it's like it's like it hurts. There's so many people that are hugging me, you know, um, and slapping me on the back and all that, you know, and so I kind of run this gauntlet and I get out, I get outside, I just have to run out of the room. Um and and yeah, I mean, that was that was the end of my drug abuse era. Um, you know, w was was this this crazy climax, you know, that happened with all these people. And uh and yeah, I just never touched it again.

Brian 23:01

Wow. Well, how old were you at that point?

SPEAKER_02 23:05

I would have been about 24, 25.

SPEAKER_03 23:09

You know, and there's real young.

SPEAKER_02 23:11

Yeah, yeah, early. And uh, you know, I mean, addiction runs in the family. I mean, my mom died of an opioid addiction. Um my you know, cousin uh has been on, you know, he and his wife have been on something for decades. And uh his his wife actually died. The the um the the

Empathy Parenting And Breaking Cycles

SPEAKER_02 23:35

our foster boy's mom passed just uh two months ago here. At 47, she died. You know, so I mean that's the that's the scary shit that happens around, you know, that whole drug community. And of course, that's why we have our our foster boys. And and and this is the kind of stuff, Brian, this this full circle living, you know, where it's like, okay, why did I experience, you know, that drug abuse at that time in my life? Well, it's to have empathy for these kids that I'm now responsible for. Um, my uh the youngest foster boy one day threatened suicide and didn't know my story, you know, but he was told us, you know, it was it was a little bit of a fit of a fit of rage, which he was he was having a really hard time with um, you know, physical violence. You know, he would he would lash out, his his triggers were just, you know, he would he would be this sweet loving kid one second, and then all of a sudden he would just explode. And uh and and he threatened suicide, and it's like, okay, time to act, you know. And uh so got him taken care of, understood why he even said that, you know. I mean, it was and it's wonderful because this is the universe saying, Here's your lessons, Trev. You know, this is why you're in this second life, is is is I'm here to be that mentor, to be that teacher, to be that person that I needed back at that age, you know, and now and now it's my time to to to pivot that role, you know, make sure it doesn't happen to somebody else.

Brian 25:08

Okay, I I want to kind of capsulate this a bit by asking you a question that I mentioned before I introduced you. When I asked you two weeks or last week, you know, Travis, what do you do, what do you do for a living? What do you do for work? And you said anything I want to. Can you explain to the audience why you said that?

SPEAKER_02 25:24

Yeah, I mean, I um I it's it's hard for me to say, honestly, because there are days where I actually feel a little bit guilty about how it is that I'm in this position. Um because, you know, I did I did a lot of things that that were um insane, you know. I mean, again, being a drug abuser is is nuts. You know, why why would anybody do that? Um some of the relationships I had, you know, in in that time frame as well, you know, because you're in that crowd, you know, of people. So I'm dating um, you know, drug abusers and and all of that. And and now I find myself in this position where I I am financially independent. I don't have to work if I don't want to. Um and it's and it's been because of the choices that I've made in in my life, you know, not not just um, you know, the jobs that I've had, but then you know how how Jen and I have crafted our finances um, you know, and built this this life together. And um I I I really understood it. I suppose it was it was a few years ago I was was working with a very funny therapist um because I was kind of sliding back into that depressed place. And she had me do all these exercises, you know, she she kind of had this book where you know it's you know, write down the things you're grateful for, write down who you want to be, you know, the whole the whole gamut of things that that anybody's who's been through therapy really understands. Um, but she had me do a values exercise. And the way she said it, she she goes, I'm gonna give you a list of of about a hundred words. And she goes, the the the words that you need are gonna talk to you. They're they're gonna speak to you as you read them, but you gotta give it the time to do that. And um she goes, I want you to be very careful to uh weed through the words that mean something to you versus where you think is meaningful to the people around you. And you know, I mean, I I I will tell you, Brian, I I pride myself in being an authentic guy, right? Um, I mean, you know, hopefully, hopefully it comes through, but you know, if you know if there's something you needed to hear, I'm gonna tell you, you know, and if and and I expect the same thing from you, right? Um, and so, you know, because the list was in alphabetical order, one of the first ones I came across was authenticity. And it just rang flat. You know, I mean, I was like, well, wait a minute, I thought this was my word, you know, authenticity, you know, and again in processing it, it's like, okay, well, wait a minute, that's something that the people around me have come to love. It's it's something I've used as a tool, it's not something I value. Um, forgiveness came up. And it was like, you know, open-handed slap in the face, right? You know, reading that word, processing what forgiveness meant. Um, and and right after that was freedom. And freedom hit way different, you know, freedom was like was like stepping into the uh you know, the waters in the Bahamas, you know, that feeling, you know, of of just being on vacation, totally chill, warm weather, you know, white sands, you know, all that kind of stuff. And uh, and I ran through the whole entire list and then I hit self-awareness. And uh, and so those three words um have really landed for me self-awareness, forgiveness, freedom. And and this is actually my second book. We're gonna talk about my first book here, um, but my second book is gonna be titled That um because it is its next level, you know, and and we as humans, I mean, we we we always try to go to this place where we you know fix ourselves. And you know, the truth is there's there's basic building blocks that have to have to occur before you can get to that point where you can really experience deep self-awareness. And um being in that space, and then of course processing, you know, what are those those elements that are that are really nagging at me, you know. I mean, the the self-awareness around being a parent. Yeah, I mean, there's no more maddening experience in the world than being a parent, but there's also no more rewarding experience than being a parent. Um, yeah, same with being in a committed relationship. You know, I mean, my wife is my favorite person in the whole entire world, and she she drives me nuts sometimes. You know, I mean, it's like like I tease her all the time because she's she's a Taurus, you know, she's the most stubborn uh person I know. Um, but but self-awareness tells me that stubborn also means conviction. And conviction is a beautiful thing, you know. Um again, like I said, that that love by default piece there. So yeah, and then into that forgiveness part, you know. I mean, forgiveness when when you when you hit on that thing, you know, I don't know if you're you ever said the wrong thing to somebody.

Brian 30:53

Yeah.

Values That Drive A Free Life

SPEAKER_02 30:55

And it's it for me, it it sticks with me for months. You know, I'll be awake at two o'clock in the morning, I'll be like, why did I say that to so and so? You know, I mean, what what in the hell was I thinking that that would come out of my mouth? You know, and so so processing that forgiveness where it's literally like, okay, let's let this go, you know, let's let's get past this. Um, you know, and then finding that freedom on the other side, you know, that's that's where the beauty exists. Um, so subtle.

Brian 31:26

So yeah, so I mean forgiveness and freedom. Are you? You know, I I w I want to stop the audience for just a minute because I want to move on to how you how you kind of morphed this life from where you started to where you are today. So everybody out there in the bamboo pack, I want you, I don't want you to compare your life with Travis's, okay? Okay, I always say I want you to kind of walk along him and without comparing, kind of experience what he's experienced and relate it to your life. I mean, at 17 he attempted suicide. You know, he had a strange relationship with his parents, you know, maybe generational um abuse um over the years of uh through you know uh generations of abuse, went to the army, came out, got a high high-paying job, got addicted to methamphetamines, um got through that to the today where he's gonna be 50 this year, he is financially independent, has a beautiful wife and four beautiful boys, two biological, two foster boys, making such an amazing fucking impact on the world. I want you to think about that wherever you're sitting in life right now, whatever you're in, it's probably not gonna be any worse than the moments Travis has felt when he was a younger man. And he got himself through that, and there's reasons, but he's done things, he's made better decisions, things of that nature. One thing he did is he went to the that seminar helped him a great deal. Um there are moments like that we all face, those pivotal moments, those uh tipping point moments in our lives that we can grab on to and they can make such an impact on the next direction we take. He sat down and did his values exercise with the therapist, came up with his values of self-awareness, forgiveness, and freedom, and based his life on those. And he did he's done other things, and that's the next question for Travis. Travis, during all that journey, and up until this point today, well, I know you wrote a book about this. Can you talk about the framework you've used to really establish your life from where you were to where you are today?

SPEAKER_02 33:29

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, the so the the realization, um it it it was right after my mom had passed, and my heart just went out of, this was two years ago. Um, my heart had just gone out of corporate America. I mean, I could not find meaning in that work anymore. Um and I was making a ridiculous amount of money. I mean, I I had a salary that was higher than than uh, I mean, I think I was making 4x, what the median in the United States was, with just my salary, plus I was getting a quarterly bonus, and then they were throwing stock at me all on top of that. You know, I mean, when you're when you're at the director level, you know, it's just uh it's stupid the amount of money that gets tossed at you.

Brian 34:17

As soon as you told me you had lived in Bellevue for what, 20 years?

SPEAKER_01 34:21

25 years.

Brian 34:22

25 years. I knew right away because I've been to Bellevue, spent a lot of time in Bellevue, and I know that area. It's it's not a low-rent district.

SPEAKER_02 34:29

No, not at all. And uh, you know, I mean, that was um that was who I thought I wanted to be. You know, I mean, I I remember being in the seventh grade arguing with my classmates because they were saying, you know, if you go to Bellevue and you see all these big houses and these amazing cars and you know, um like yappies and you know, wealthy people. And and I actually say it, I'm like, what is wrong with that? Right. You know, like like what what's so bad about aspiring um to that? And um, you know, again, I mean there there is there is a cost to that. You know, I mean you you find yourself in in over your head really fast, and and uh, you know, I mean it it's it's amazing how the definition of success changes.

Brian 35:17

Um so so I want to I want to talk about this book. I know this book is I know this experience of this book, uh I know you'll tell the story about your grandma, has been pivotal in your life, and I want to talk about I want you to explain your the this the book you have, the iChoose Network. Or the fra iChoose framework. Yes. Talk about that.

unknown 35:38

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 35:38

Yeah, so so the iChoose framework, uh uh it was born right after I tried to commit suicide. Um funny enough, you know, again, back to serendipity. Um, you know, I'd failed at committing suicide, I'd made the choice to join the military. Um, I joined in the delayed entry program, so I actually had signed the papers my junior year of high school and and then would be leaving right after my senior year to go into boot camp. And uh so I'd made the decision. I went down to have breakfast with my grandma, and uh she was asking me where I was gonna go to college. And of course I had to, you know, sheepishly tell her that uh I wasn't going to college. You know, I had decided to join the army. And uh and grandma got up and and walked out. She just let me sit at the table, and uh, and I'm like, oh crap, you know, um, you know, I pissed her off. And and you know, grandma had been a Navy wife during World War II. My my grandfather uh served on a destroyer in the South Pacific. Um, you know, and their their uh ships were getting hit by kamikaze, and I mean it was just insanity. So I know you know grandma had some some PTSD uh uh around that. And so I thought that was actually why she had left. Um, but you know, a couple minutes went by, you know, where she left me there stewing, and and she came back in and she handed me this little one by two sticky note. And on that

The I Choose Origin Story

SPEAKER_02 37:10

sticky note, it said, I choose dot dot dot. And she said, This is everything you need to know to live your life. Um, and as you can see, you know, as as the story that I just told you, all the stories I just told you, uh it wasn't enough to help me figure it out, you know, because uh the the very first thing that happened really after that was going into boot camp where you know I choose is is nowhere in your earthly realm. You don't make a lot of choices in boot camp. You know, those choices are made for you. So um, so I mean, really what what grandma did was, you know, I was a caveman and she'd just given me fire. And um, so it was it was uh a very long time later, you know, about well, I mean I shoot, I was 40, 47, you know, when mom was passing, and um I was working with my my coach who you've met, Amanda Aldridge. Um just just an amazing, amazing woman.

Brian 38:11

Yeah, she really is.

SPEAKER_02 38:12

And yeah, and she told me um, I I was I was bawling my eyes out to her because you know, losing a parent, and especially one that I've had a complex relationship with, um you know, I mean it is it is one of Like's most heartbreaking experiences.

Brian 38:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:27

And and she said, um, this is one of those, she goes, what what if the grief that you're feeling now is the thing that you have to go through to get to um the the other side, you know, the other side of this grief to get to get past this experience. And um that really stuck with me and and and really, you know, it bubbled up this I this concept of I choose. Um because you know, it just is it's it's one of those where a lot of times we we feel victimized by life's circumstances, yeah. Um be it you know the relationship with your parents, how your kids are, you know, your social network, your job, whatever. And the truth is we always have a choice, even in our darkest moments, there is always that choice. And and that's where it's it it really the the spark ignited for me, Brian, was getting me to this place where I'm like, okay, you know, if I choose is such this powerful concept, why is it so hard for all of us to grasp that and and really leverage it to our to our benefit? So um, and you know, I mean, uh, the people that I were working with, you know, um uh they they're like you have to tell this story. Um, you know, you gotta get some of these stories. You know, we we go out drinking in these corporate events, and of course, you know, being being an unabashed uh person, I would tell some of these very authentic stories, and they're like, you know, get it, get it into a book. And so that's that's what it is. I mean, it really is uh it is it is a the I choose framework, is um it's it there's some some tools in there, some concepts, some some funny stories, some sad stories, um, and really uh some self-work for for anybody who is willing to take it on. Um, you know, and my goal is is that it just uh I I I want you to be uh I want the reader to be uncomfortable. I want them to take this concept of I choose and go, okay, wait a minute, you know, where am I choosing to suffer and why? You know, if you're choosing to suffer with a purpose, that's fantastic. Um if you're choosing to suffer because you feel like you need to suffer, you know, let's let's fix let's let's work on that.

Brian 41:00

Okay. Well, uh and everybody else in the bamboo pack, I'm we're gonna include um a link to the book through Amazon or or you have any other avenues too, Travis, uh, in the show notes. So please click on that explore the book, The I Choose Framework by Travis Stirner. Uh please, I would recommend get on there and explore this book. Can you tell if I'm sitting in the audience right now, I'm thinking, okay, could tell me about this, the sticky, the I choose. How did you use it? How can somebody right now and how do they picture in their mind using that before they read the book?

SPEAKER_02 41:29

Yeah. So I choose is the most powerful phrase in our arsenal of words. This is the phrase that gets us from feeling A to action B, right? Um one of the things that I love talking about in the book is this concept of the pregnant ellipsis, right? I choose dot dot dot. That ellipsis, that dot dot dot. You know, everything from our life is born from this concept of the pregnant ellipsis. Um I love using the example. I'm I'm a coffee guy. You a coffee drinker, Brian?

Brian 42:06

Yeah, one or two cups a day, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 42:08

Yeah, okay. I I drink like six cups of coffee a day.

Brian 42:11

Oh, I I can tell. Every time we talked, I didn't know you had a few coffee today.

SPEAKER_02 42:15

I know, right? And I love it, you know, I love that feeling. But but one of my favorites is coffee and dot dot dot, right? My pregnant ellipsis coupled to coffee and is I love coffee and a cinnamon roll. I love coffee and a great conversation with a friend, you know, coffee and a sunrise, you know, those kind of things. So, you know, we pivot that to I choose dot dot dot. I choose anything, right? I mean, for me, when I wake up in the morning, you know, I choose to get my ass in the gym, you know, or I'm tired. I want to sit on the couch, I choose to to just uh put on some stupid show, you know, and and um, you know, give myself three hours of rest. And when you start using this concept of I choose, you know, you really find out that you self-direct in a way that is incredibly powerful. Um we build from I choose as a core. You know, I mean, one of the the singular requirements of I choose is you can only choose for yourself. You cannot choose for anyone else, and no one else can choose for you. And it's frustrating for a lot of people, especially somebody who is a partner or or a parent. You know, you can't choose for your kids. You can't choose for your partner. You can choose your kids and you can choose your partner, but you gotta expect that that they're gonna make the choices that are gonna serve them, even if it's counter to what it is that you're trying to do for them. And the best thing you can do is set the example, you know, make the choices.

Brian 43:56

Okay, can I can I intervene for just a minute? So kind of what I'm getting when You're talking about this is number one, there's a few things that are going around in my head. The idea, you know how both people say, like you use the I gotta go to go to the gym. People will say, Oh, I have to go to the gym. Now, when you turn that to I choose, number one, that is a that is a flip in your mindset. Or I have the ability, I get to go to the gym, I choose to go. So that was a side note. But so I love the word I love saying I choose. If I don't want to do something, but I know I sh I it's good for me to do, I always would say, Oh, I gotta whatever, you know, take a cold shower, jump in the cold plunge, whatever. Now when I I know there is a switch when you say I choose. So that's one side of it. But when you're talking about this framework, to me, I saw two things. It gives you some a sense of control, like you like you said, self-direction. Um, like that gives you that sense that hey, I have I have some some

Turning Choice Into Daily Action

Brian 44:45

uh a great deal of influence on my own life. Also, it kind of takes away some shame. Like so, if you you know, people might sit on the couch for, like you said, three hours and give yourself some rest and watch uh you know silly TV. Some people would do that with with without they'd feel guilt or shame in doing that. But when you come with I choose to do this right now, I think that could eliminate a lot of that shame or guilt.

SPEAKER_02 45:08

Absolutely, absolutely, and that, you know, I mean, uh you you shame is is such a powerful concept period. I mean, Brene Brown, um, that was one of those life-changing um reads, you know, where she talked about shame, especially in in American men. Um, and it is really it it it um I mean you and I could do an entire podcast just on on that, I think, you know, because uh uh shame can be it is one of the most powerful emotions and and it it is such an impediment to a lot of people.

Brian 45:41

Destructive.

SPEAKER_02 45:42

Yeah, big time. And and but again, you know, to to bring in that self-awareness and go, okay, I'm feeling shame because um, you know, and it and it's and it's for whatever reason, you know. Um, you know, I mean the sexuality is such a big thing right now uh in our society, um, you know, transgender and and uh the LGBTQ movement. Um, you know, but it it is um one of the exciting things about humans is we get to choose, and we get to choose for ourselves, you know, and that um, you know, I mean, regardless of of what other people think, it is your choice to make.

Brian 46:27

And I agree, and I think can you choose when you say I choose, are you choosing you you can only choose for yourself and others have to choose for themselves. Are you choosing for the moment? Or like when I say I choose to, or I choose is it for that moment, or can you be also project that I choose tomorrow to do this, or do you keep it in that moment? Like right now, I choose to this, whatever it is, or I choose this.

SPEAKER_02 46:50

Yeah, well, I think you have to so life exists in three parts your past, your present, and your future. The only thing you can choose for your past is to accept it. And and I think that's harder than choosing for your future. Yeah, because we you know, choosing choosing to accept your past means that forgiveness has to come in. You've got to let go of of these things, whether it's it's things that were controlled by you or not. You know, I mean, I've I've again when you open yourself up to the people around you, they come to you as stories. You know, and one of the girls I met with that semin in that seminar, you know, she had been sexually abused well into her 30s by a family member, you know, and and it's and it's one of those where she kept saying, I don't understand why this happened to me. You know, and it's like, okay, what do you even need to understand why? You know, at this point it's something that's happened. The sexual abuse has stopped. So the choice is where do we go from here? Right? What is the choice that we make for that future? So when you wake up tomorrow morning, you know, it's not gone, right? Nothing is gonna take that away, you know. But how are you going to choose to pr proceed with your life, you know, in spite of it? And um, you know, so that and and again, to get to that place is is, you know, some people get it just like that, you know. I mean, they get they get the concept and they start employing it right away. And others, I mean, holy shit, do they fight it, Brian? I mean, you know, like like, you know, but you don't understand. My mother was abusive. Your mother died 10 years ago. Right. You know, why are you choosing to let her abuse you still? You know, and and people get their identities wrapped around, you know, the things that have happened to them as opposed to who they could be. And that's really where the book I'm I'm trying to take people with the book. You know, the the reason it's called the I choose framework, you know, I mean, you're everything in our lives is a framework. Um, I'm sitting in a chair that has a framework. I drive a car that has a framework. I use software programs that are built using frameworks. It's such a, it's, it's a, it is a ubiquitous concept. And we have to recognize that within us is this framework of all of those experiences that we've had in the past that have put us where we are right now. But you get to choose. I mean, if if I always like to use the the Eiffel Tower as an example, because of course, you know, the classic uh iron framework. If you got rusty beams in your framework, choose to swap them out. You know, cut it out, work, work towards something new, you know, add something different, bring something else in. And and with that framework, of course, you know, in order to build a framework, you imagine building the Eiffel Tower, there's tools that we have to use. And so I give three tools. I love the power of three. That's um for me, that is there's just something magical, you know, and I I think it's our short attention spans, you know, like three for me is super easy to remember.

SPEAKER_03 50:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 50:12

Um, yeah. So so I give three tools, you know, the the and it's a line, a circle, and an upside down triangle. You know, I I want you to be able to, the the reader, I want them to be able to visually bring it up anytime they need it. So the line, the line, this vertical line is the I and I choose. And what I want the reader to do is is say, I choose this body and I choose this mind. I mean, you're you're a rock star fitness guy, Brian. You're what'd you say? You were 60 years old?

Brian 50:45

Yeah, 59. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 50:47

59. Sorry.

Brian 50:49

No, you're good.

SPEAKER_02 50:51

59 years old. But but you're talking about going out there and cold plunging and rucking and you know, being active and choosing to be fit. You know, you're choosing your body in doing that. You're choosing what serves you. And within that, you is your mind. I mean, you're facilitating a podcast, you're you're creating insightful conversations like what we're experiencing right now. Like, choose this mind. It's the only body you're ever gonna have. It's the only mind you're ever gonna have. It's the same body that you were birthed into at zero, right? You popped out in this body with these, with these fingers, these arms, these legs, everything, right? So choose that body. And then the next phase is the sphere of identity, right? The circle, the circle goes around your eye. And this is who we choose to be. You know, the the core identity that that I love is I choose to be a healthy human. I use the example in the book. I was I was reading um atomic habits, which I think one of the podcasts I listened to um from you, they they reference. Yeah, a lot of people reference that one because it's such a yeah, James Clare is such a powerful one, you know. I love it. Um but it was juxtaposed in two statements, you know. If I say I choose to be a fat person, I'm gonna do what fat people do. I'm gonna overeat, I'm gonna be uncomfortable in my body, you know, I'm gonna hate vegetables, you know. I mean, right? All the stereotypes that go along, you know, with being a fat person. I choose to be a fat person. If I pivot just one letter in that statement, I choose to be a fit person. Now my my behaviors are driven by this concept of, you know, I choose to be a fit person, therefore I get out and walk. I get up off the couch, I control what goes into my body. And it doesn't work every day, you know. I mean, the there are days where I choose the caramel macchiatos and I choose cinnamon rolls, you know. Um, yeah, it's like I I heard a funny quote one time that they're like, you know, I I I want buns of steel, but I also want buns of cinnamon, you know, like like I totally get that, you know, I resonate with that. So so the sphere of identity, this circle is, you know, I choose to be a healthy human and and I let that dictate my behaviors that go around that. And then the last one is the triangle of self-awareness, you know, and it's an upside-down triangle, and it's upside down for a reason because we all need to be grounded. That point needs to be at the bottom, you know, because grounding

The Line Circle Triangle Framework

SPEAKER_02 53:35

is what helps us succeed. The concept of of um, you know, the triangle being open at the top. I mean, that is your antenna, you know, and it's bringing in all of the things, you know, whether it's encouraging voices that are like, hey, get out there and and go um run a 5K, you know, and also the self-awareness that says, go eat the fucking cinnamon roll, right? Go enjoy yourself, go be hedonistic, you know, and and and all of that serves every single voice that comes in through that antenna, you know, through that triangle, is trying to tell you something. And so with that triangle, you know, self-awareness exists in and again, three planes, right? It exists in the mind, the heart, and our guts. You know, so the logic, you know, is is in the mind, right? That's that's the one that that is the most prevalent because our our our beautiful magical brains are always trying to to logic the shit out of us. And then you got your heart, you know, which is all the feels. And this is where I really start to fall down in the corporate world, because the higher up you go, the more they have you messing with people's lives. You know, the more people that report to you, the more decisions that you make, it hurts your heart. You know, it is a very hard place to be when when the logic and the feelings don't match. And then of course the third piece is is the gut, you know, and the gut is where all of our instincts exist. You know, everything that you've been through in your entire life, you know, that's that gut feeling. And that's where your past does serve, you know. So balancing this triangle of self-awareness, mind, heart, gut, logic, feelings, instincts, you know, pulling that in and being able to process, you know, and putting what resonates with you, you know. Um I I work through a professional identity, you know, and and one of the professional identity examples I use is for teachers. You know, you can say I choose to be a teacher, right? But what's more powerful is to say I choose to be an engaging educator. You know, I choose to be a mentor, I choose to be a nurturing guide, you know, and so adding that, those, those power words into that I choose phrase, you know, that's what propels you into that next level and really gets you moving forward. Yeah, thoughts are nothing without action, and and and that's where we want to go.

Brian 56:06

You know, as you're talking, Travis, I'm sitting here and I'm I'm looking out my window and the birds are flying by and the trees are finally budding here along, you know, the lower part of Lake Superior up here in the in Marquette, Michigan. It's a beautiful day. Bluebird skies. And and I was just pondering, like listening to you talk, taking notes, that I'm thinking, what an amazing education. I'm talking from a very rational self-righteous position right now. Amazing education I get when I talk to the majority of my podcast guests. Like that right there, the stuff you just shared, I was I took notes. Um the the the the the line, the circle, the sphere, and then the upside upside down triangle. Made me realize number one, how much I get out of this. So I know the bamboo pack is getting as much, if not more, than I am. Um because I've been doing an exercise for 30 some years now. I call it my TPI exercise. It's a basically a manifesting affirmations exercise. I do I do it every morning, six days a week. Over the last seven years, I've taught my clients to do it, so the majority of them are doing it. But we start these, you know, you it basically you you write an I am statement. It's a long process, you you know, but you get it and then you do it every day for the rest of your life. It's the first time I've ever spoken with somebody that I got an idea thinking, wait a minute, I need to completely change the I ams at the beginning of every one of these phrases that each myself and my clients recite every morning out loud to themselves, to I choose. I've never thought of that before because I am is more like I am I i it's not as action-oriented, and I like action-oriented words. And I'm with you, like I don't believe in saying I'm a teacher. Or I, you know, I or you say I choose. I if I would say I would tell my client, tell them you are an engaging, um uh you know, uh whatever, you know, caring, kind, present teacher. Now I I think the word I choose is more powerful than I am. So my clients are gonna have to change their I am statements to potentially I choose. So anybody of you listening out there, you know what we're gonna be doing over the next few weeks. We're gonna be working on re getting your T your T your TPI statements. So I really appreciate that. I really like that. It's very succinct, succinct, and I love that you do threes because I'm a I'm a three person. I have my motto in life is to strive, love, live. And I tell my clients, you have things, try to get them in threes, because the brain remembers three things more than it does just about any other number. You get more than three, it's hard to remember.

SPEAKER_02 58:31

Yeah. Well, and that's it, and you know, that's exactly it. I mean, the the threes, um, you know, I mean, you you um when you hear these nuggets, you know, and those things that resonate with you, you know, you want to be able to recall it. Um I'm I'm trying to uh to figure this out, Brian, because I I uh I put it in the book as I I want this concept to be memorable, meaningful, and marketable. And you know, I mean memorable, that's that's an easy one, you know. I want people to be able to remember it, but meaningful, that's the piece that that you just articulated. You know, it's something that hits that spot within you, whether it's in your mind, your heart, or your gut. I want it to land, you know, and then marketable, it's like, you know, of course, you know, I'd love to make some money off of this. This is my living now. But the biggest piece is I want you to be able to um sell it, quote unquote, to the people around you. You know, and this is this is where we all get to make magic together. This is where the the this ripple effect happens. You know, I mean, you you and I are the product of the ripple right now, you know, because I said something to Dave, and Dave said, I gotta introduce this guy to Brian, you know, and amusingly enough, my coach was actually the first to meet you, you know. So, I mean, we got levels all over the place, you know, where this ripple just goes out and you know it touches people in ways that that we can never have have anticipated. And and that's that that, my friend, is why I believe we're on this earth.

Brian 1:00:05

I agree with you, man. I was so shocked when I reached out to Amanda last week, or no, she reached out to me. I said, I asked her, How are you doing, Amanda? Um, you know, your coach. And I she said, I'm doing well. I heard you're talking to Travis or Travis next week. I'm like, and she said, He's an amazing guy, you're gonna love him. I'm like, how the hell do you I didn't even know there was a connection? I'm like, how is this connected at all? So then I asked you, How do you know Amanda? Then you went and told me the story last week. So it is a really weird, it's a small world, but I'd hate to paint it. You know, but it is it's a it's a the connection's up there. And here's the thing I think about like when you know, you and I connected last week, and I told you, Travis, you know, when I when I get to know somebody, I'm a texter. And I might be a I'm an I I'm an adamant texter with my friends, my clients, my family. And it's probably to the chagrin of many of my client, my family members. You know, I'm I'm texting my daughter, my mom, my son, my bonus kids, you know, almost every most of them every day. And I'm sort of sometimes like, okay, dad, you don't need to text this morning. Say good morning. We know it's a good morning, you know, but I'm that's that's who I am. And I knew right away when I talked to you before we got off that phone, I'm like, this is a guy that I'm gonna be, he's in my he's in my he's in my group of of uh nourishing food style people that I put on a list that I'm gonna be in constant contact with. And that just came some from this Dave you mentioning something, Dave making a connection, and then you take it. But I think most people You mentioned something earlier about choosing, you know, loving deliberately, I think it was or something like that. Uh did I write that down?

SPEAKER_02 1:01:29

Yeah, yeah, love by default.

Brian 1:01:31

Love by default. You know, I think a lot of times in life we we we tend to have families a little different because we're born into a family, but yet we can choose who we associate with in a family. But so many of the fans that people that were put into our life, they're just put in there. And they're you work with them, you play on a baseball team with them, whatever it is, they're neighbors together. And to make the best of those, and within those groups, there are some amazing, beautiful people that will change your life and you will change theirs. But I'm also a big fan of being proactive and saying, okay, who do I want in my circle? Like, who do I want to impact? You know, I only have so much love and and and I only have so many time, energy, and re- so much time, energy, and resources I can give. Who do I want to attract into my world so that I can give them that? And hopefully they'll give me that. We can feed off of each other, we can celebrate together, we can support each other, we can challenge each other. You know, the core of a real relationship, in my opinion. And um, you know, like you just came to me, you know, but I think a lot of people either you don't proactively say, Who do I really want in my circle? You just take whatever you get. I think that's important. But I also think it's important that somebody is put into your life by default, or put into your life by, you know, some serendipitous act um of Dave Dick recommending that we talk. That you have to be open to saying, Do I is this the kind of person I think could be a really good long-term buddy and a brother or sister? And and I think we have to be open to that idea a lot more in this world. God yes. I mean, because again, I didn't even really want to talk to you. Like I wasn't even interested in this conversation. Like, all right, let's take this call. I don't even know why. I do feel that way sometimes. I'm on the phone all day long, so I do get tired of being on the phone, but within like a couple of minutes, I'm like, dude, I want to keep this call going. You know, so I'm so glad that we were able to, you know, I was able to break through my ignorance.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:21

Well, that's it. Uh it's it's it is all meant to be. And that's um, you know, it's it's it's meant to be if we choose it. I mean, that I think is the again, kind of kind of bringing this full circle. Um, you know, I okay. See, this is this is your fault, Brian, because you trigger these things. So um Jen and I were dating, and she's gonna kick my ass because I've never I haven't actually told this story to very many people, but um, the choices that we make around who we connect with. So um Jen and I were right on the edge of dating. I had known her for about two years. She had dated one of my best friends. No, I didn't try to steal her, you know, it was you know very much

Relationships Ripples And Choosing Your Circle

SPEAKER_02 1:04:10

arm's length kind of thing. Um, but she and and this other guy had had broken up. He was still my roommate. So, you know, I mean that's it's taboo to to date your roommate's ex-girlfriend, right?

Brian 1:04:21

I've done that. And uh no judgment.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:27

So, so um, you know, it took a little while before um, you know, I got comfortable with that. And then of course, you know, we we start dating. And I was dating her as well as you know, a couple of other gals. And um, you know, I mean, she she served something in me that was was much different. It was much more um uh she's she's the nurturer, um, she's the the rock steady, you know, and of course, you know, I mean at that point I I kind of had my my shit together and I was dating, you know, somebody who was was very much into her career. And um I was actually dating a gal who ended up going into the the Navy. You know, I mean you there there's different, you know, things that people, you know, uh different commonalities that you find, I guess I should say. And uh so, you know, but but I mean Jen, Jen was uh I want to make sure I'm putting this delicately because she's gonna hear it, but you know, it's like she was narrowing into that one, you know, that person where you start to fantasize about okay, what does the rest of my life look like with this person? And um and it started to scare me, you know, because you do start to have those thoughts, right? You know, and we we we men are big dumb idiots. And um, sure enough, my sister's best friend um at the time, she was one of the most beautiful Romanian women. Uh I I one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen in my life. Romanian, that beautiful crowd. normal skin and dark eyes. And anyway, she suddenly showed an interest in me, right? And you know, you you're going, well wait a minute, you know, this is am I gonna am I gonna am I gonna choose A or B? You know, and this is this is not the person, this is the path, right? And so I had a counselor at the time and she had met Jen. She knew who Jen was and she knew what kind of person Jen was. And I said, you know, I I I don't know what to do here. I don't know who I should date. And she goes she goes, you can choose path be you know you can you can can choose not to continue your life with Jen. And she goes, and that's fine. You know, that's okay. That's the choice that you get to make she looks at me dead in the eye and she goes but it will be the biggest regret of your entire life I'm like okay I get it.

Brian 1:06:53

You know I see where we are well Jen if you want me to I've never I've only edited twice out of a podcast at 160 some episodes but if you want me to edit that out I promise you I will but I don't think there's anything to I I think after 20 22 23 years we're we're probably okay at this point. So yeah you know it's interesting um another commonality I did it the Romanian woman back in the I think she was a I don't was there a big migration or an escape didn't they escape wasn't there they I know they escaped from uh during the Cold War they escaped um um a lot of the communist um you know regimes and I think I know she escaped anyway and she wrote a book about it and I've been thinking about that woman not for any not for any romantic reasons but I wanted to go she gave me a copy of her book about her escape and I remember I can't think of her name we didn't date for long it was a very short lived in the night early somewhere in the early 90s and I was trying to think of how would I find out how could I Google now or AI woman probably 50 58 years old now somewhere in there who wrote a book about her escape from Romania and I I probably could find it somewhere online but uh interesting. Um yeah what let me ask you we're gonna wrap it up here before we do I'm gonna ask you and I've it's funny because I I'm bringing on some really interesting guests lately because I find myself saying I know we're just scratching the surface on this stuff. You know the last couple of guests I'm like and you included I'm like we're just we're just we're peeling back the first layer or two of the onion are you open to coming back on soon oh yeah definitely and maybe picking a topic we talked about this prior um maybe picking a uh a topic that's real specific and kind of going we did that a lot with the IChoose framework um but I think there's something we could take with even your um I don't know what the method is that you call the I'm gonna call it the line the sphere and the upside down triangle um but even something like that going deeper with that I think we could get a lot of traction on that and I think a lot of people are going to be curious about that even though a lot of people are going to go out there and buy the book. So again everybody click on the show notes IChoose framework Travis Stirner will have the show notes you can click on there and buy the book right real simply but I want to ask you one final question Travis is there anything that I didn't ask today that you wish I would have or is there any kind of one big final primal message that you want to leave with the bamboo pack?

SPEAKER_02 1:09:11

Definitely yeah so with IChoose the biggest and and most meaningful choice you can make is to choose gratitude um you know they the uh the book talks about you know uh I choose to invest in myself um you know and there's actually a return on investment from those choices one of the biggest uh most positive ROIs that we get is choosing gratitude and when I say gratitude I've I've led workshops where people are like oh I'm grateful for uh you know my my wife my husband my partner my kids my pets I want you to take your gratitude to a deeper level and what I mean by that is is yes I'm grateful for my wife but the thing that I'm most grateful for is my wife's smell you know when I bury my face in her neck you know and give her kisses it's like there is a scent that is something that just absolutely um lets me know I'm in the right place. You know with my kids I'm I'm grateful for my kids but I'm grateful that my six foot four 275 pound son when he hugs me he hugs me with this audible sigh you know where like I literally am the anxiety pressure relief valve for him you know and I'm and I'm so grateful to be that person and and our youngest you know he uh he won't leave a room without saying I love you you know it's not just leaving the house it's not going to school in the morning it's like he'll come down do the dishes and he'll say I love you and he'll go back to his room. You know I am grateful for those deeper those deeper gratitudes those ones that really lock in you know your ability to choose that gratitude

Deep Gratitude And Closing Challenges

SPEAKER_02 1:11:15

and and so find that you know when when when your basic choice is gratitude go take it deeper you know and it doesn't matter if it's your boss or your partner or your kids or your parents you know or even your car or your house you know find those things that the set sends you down into that place where gratitude becomes you know the the three part you know where where it you you feel the gratitude with your mind your heart and your gut and I I promise it will make your day better I can't that's we've talked about gratitude a little bit on this on the podcast over the over the last few years and and never have done something deep a deep dive on that that might be a really good topic for us to do.

Brian 1:11:56

It should be because I think it's one of the most important things we can do.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:00

Yeah absolutely yeah because I mean we forget you know we forget all of the things that uh Jenna and I love to travel so we go to a lot of foreign countries and and holy shit do we have a lot to be grateful for you know just just in this life no matter where you are.

Brian 1:12:15

Well you know the University of California Berkeley did a study a few years ago that showed for our in the human brain because of our amygdala and also because of media and everything that we're exposed to um we see nine negative things for every positive thing we see around us. When in reality there's about a thousand to one positive to negatives. And what I found for me is a daily gratitude exercise that I do in the morning um six five days a week um it has re it has changed my whole perspective on life like I don't look at it and go oh it's raining out that's where a lot of people go oh it's crappy it's cold it's 20 below like hey it's it it's beautiful that rain sounds great on the on the roof I'm gonna go lay in bed so I can hear it or you know this the snow coming down is gorgeous that wind whipping around is turling that snow you just see things differently um when you do when you practice gratitude so I I think that's the best way to cap off this conversation brother yep yep yep absolutely and I tell you if you if you're having trouble finding a place to start choose something you're grateful for in your body you know that's that's the one that'll really send you to that place where you you appreciate who you are you know I don't I don't care if it's a little muscle in your shoulder or you know like find those gratitudes in in your body and and uh it all it all ripples out from there. That's a wonderful idea. Hey folks I want to share one last thing too I didn't say that I'm gonna also include in the show notes you'll see a um a direct link to um to Stirler inspiration which is the uh inspirations which is the website of Travis so I'm please go explore on that they he talks about the book I think you could probably yeah you could buy the book right off of here you can book a call with him he does uh coaching he does public speaking he's an author as you can see in the last hour or so we spent together he's got a lot to offer I mean and what I like about Travis his story and his wisdom and his his coaching comes from authenticity it's not hey I decided to become a coach and then I'm just gonna learn how to do it. He pulls from his background he pulls from his experiences and that has become really authentic wisdom which I think is the best form of coaching of all is when somebody has been in the thickets and they've been in the mud of life and they they they've learned and they've come through I mean that's that's a that's an infinite amount of of value that he can bring to the table. So please check on that. Well my brother I'm so glad I overcame my ignorance last week and and and we talked uh it's been a blessing to get to know you um you know on our phone call through text our emails and now getting to talk to you today and this great conversation and this friendship is just is just starting brother I love it I love it thanks so much for the opportunity to to speak in front of the bamboo pack and uh you know I just I just love it um you know this is this is how we like I said this is how we make the world a better place. A hundred percent so thank you I really appreciate you've been an amazing guest on the Bamboo Lab podcast Travis thank you again brother thanks Bray all right folks you heard it an hour and 14 minutes of uh some amazing amazing content um all I'm gonna ask you is to you know smash that like button rate and review us but most importantly I'm gonna ask you and I do this every time um there and most of the time I feel a deep rooted connection with the with the with the guests and the content uh Travis was a bit special for me today so um I'm gonna ask you is this is an episode that you want to share with some maybe there's somebody young out there who's kind of struggling maybe lost a little bit maybe there's somebody who's middle age and maybe going through a challenge in their life or maybe they graduated college and they can't find their next path and they're just worried that maybe their life is so different and so fucked up that they can't make those changes because we all think the problems we're going through are unique to us. I want you to share this this this this episode with them and say just listen listen to Travis's story listen to where he is listen to the the wisdom and content he's sharing because this stuff is revolutionary it can revolutionize the way you live your life so please get out there and do that. Everyone I'll talk to you in a week in the meantime as I always tell you I ask if you please go out there and strive to give and be your best please show love and respect to others and then back to yourself and please live with purpose and intention. Strive love live I appreciate each and every single one of you until next time