The Real Me

Welcome  to Curated Souls first official episode. Today is a deeper look into me & my why. I hope you enjoy. I would love your feedback.

Romans 8:1 says “So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ.” So why are we with our words and our actions as Christ filled believers pouring shame and condemnation onto others who are different from us /believe differently than us? -Those are still God’s beloveds. He created them and as image bearers it is our responsibility to go and make disciples. Not to go and point our fingers of judgment at someone’s story that is still being written. 

This is who I really am. As a mom who is a Breast Cancer Survivor and MS Thriver & advocating for 2 girls who have special needs… our lives have often been “too much” for some people. But never has it ever been too much for God. 

Allowing God into the broken spaces of my, and our family’s story, has brought me through rebellion into embracing a Grace I never believed was for me. 

Now, I “get to” be someone who will fight for those that live on the edge of the line where christians today don’t allow for Grace. The line that others deem unworthy or simply too busy to see the opportunity to meet a need. 

I believe in unlearning mistruths and breaking down barriers that are harming others. I may not have all the answers but I have ALL the LOVE and willingness to stand up for what is simply Right & I know that’s what Jesus is All about. I’m only sure that loving all, even when you see it a sin, is the only thing I’d ever want to be wrong about. That’s how big my God is… He take my heart, my motive, my Love and use it for His Glory. 

When we know better we actually Do Better. Together. Stronger.  

I am so grateful for a God who has been so patient and loving through all my rebellion and never gave up on me. I know that it’s a kind of hope that only comes when you get a touch of His hem. So let’s be that hope for someone else and let God be- their God in the middle of their story. 

Thank you for listening in today. Be sure to subscribe for our future episodes. 

Let's be Friends. 
Connect with me on 
Facebook: @curatedsoulsbyloriyoung
Instagram: @curatedsoulsbyloriyoung
Pinterest: @loriy

Blog: https://www.vintagecharmrestored.com

Transcript

0:00  
Hi, friends, I want to thank you for showing up today. I wanted to come to you today, with the introduction behind me. And this being a real episode, a very first episode with the real me, I want to tell you that I have always been the new girl, I have moved at 19, I'd moved 21 times in my marriage, just these past 19 years, we have moved eight. And so I've had the joy of living in some really wonderful places with really wonderful friends and having very strong community and having no community. I've had some really wonderful church homes and some really awful church homes. And I just wanted to show up with no mask on and just let you know, the real me who I am. And honestly, how many years it has taken me to get to this place that I truly love, who God made me to be. I love me, I love all my quirkiness, and I am quirky, I love that I just don't have the capacity, or BS filter that I do have, I don't have the capacity for lies, or embellishing truths, or stuffing, and telling myself so many lies that when I look in the mirror, I don't even recognize myself. And I am so glad that because I grew up with a lot of storytelling and a lot of things that were told one way for one person and another way for another. You know, because we it's a people pleasing thing that I just I got to see what happens to the person who does that. And so we're not fooling others, we're fooling ourselves. And so I've always said that I had a SIM card that was just not big enough, like I'm still back when they first came out. And they were like, you know, very small, like the megabytes instead of gigabytes. And so if it's important, I try really hard to retain it. I'm gonna be honest, after 2016 That's kind of hard for me just with the MS attack, and then the cancer and chemo. Some things I just, I didn't retain. But I, no matter how many times you tell yourself the lie, it's never the truth in your heart. And that doesn't leave very much room for joy or peace. And our hearts are really full of what we place there. And it's where everything overflows behind the door, behind the curtains. And so I hope that my kids, I mean, I am not perfect, I can explode from stuffing. And that's not from stuffing lies, it's actually from, like, telling myself, not this, this isn't the battle for you know, but those, you know, add up and all that too. But I hope that my kids see that my authenticity and need for it, and for integrity. And that character matters way more than the filter you put on your face on social media that they don't feel beaten down by the home that they lived in, and that they don't feel fooled by who I present myself to be for you and who I am to them. That matters more to me than anything. I get a lot from people who really know me, especially after the last, you know, six years, we went through some really hard times. We adopted me, it was almost a five year journey. It was really hard and I thought that might be the hardest thing we ever went through. But it wasn't. And it's our greatest joy by far. But then I went through a lot of a long battle with our daughter who it's written on my blog and if you want more detail, and we'll probably do some segments about it, but she went through some really hard times she had attempted suicide died from being bullied. We were in and out of the

5:04  
different hospitals about 20 times. And it was just really hard. And so I have spent a great deal of time doing things that I never thought I would be good at. I'm horrible at affirming others. Mostly because I don't like affirmations. I feel like they're fake. And I'm getting better at it. But I always feel like there's a hidden agenda behind that affirmation. And so I'm, that's my, like, whoa, moments, but I had to really spend time cheerleading and building her up and pointing her to the truth, no matter how many times I said it. And it was always pointing her back to Jesus, not me, but always pointing her back to Jesus. And that is something that I, I struggled with so hard as a young adult, because where I grew up in a home that went to church, or I went to mass with my other grandmother, and things like that, we didn't spend time reading the Bible. And we didn't spend time talking about God. And so he would never, you know, my mom was in the choir and sang Sandy patty and Amy Grant and things like that, and listen to that kind of music. But it wasn't real for me. And so I rebelled pretty darn hard because of the life I had lived before. Just sexual abuse, things of that nature. And it was really hard for me to believe that God was good, and that he was real. And so I rebelled hard and long. And then had this result that, you know, I wouldn't be, I wouldn't be my past. And it had to be broken down so hard, I had so many walls of shame and condemnation. For the life I had done, I was never going to be good enough, the church told me that because, you know, things I had done, I was, I heard more times that I was, the messages I was hearing was that, you know, we're all sinners, we're going to hell, I didn't think that he could love me or that I was truly forgiven. And that's because I didn't know how to forgive. You know, even just my mom for some of the things that I had grown up having to live through. And so sweet friends, there is absolutely no condemnation or shame here. At this podcast. My husband spent years undoing the shame and condemnation that I had. And it's not him who did that. But he pointed me to God and told me truths. And God bless his mom and his dad, who was a pastor and Evangel list. And they both just took us in me and my two younger or older kids, and loved us in ways that I don't think I'd ever been loved before. And so really digging in these past six years, and finding out who God who God is not who I am not what he's done for me. I can sing as see his, and I can sing it too. But I can see his fingerprints in my life in ways that are so precious to me now that I probably took for granted been. And so in every trial, and every place I ever was defeated, I can now reframe that, and shift my perspective to seeing Thank you, God for letting me walk through that, like, you truly made me to walk through the fire. And I wouldn't have found him the way that I found him if he hadn't allowed me to go through those moments. And in that is where I found the grace for other people's stories of right where they are like, if you were to see me, I don't know, 30 years ago, you wouldn't think I'd be where I am today. I'm not even sure you'd think I'd be where I am today, knowing me 16 years ago, and that's the beauty of it. Like we're not the author or not holding the pen. It's just our openness and our willingness to meet him, right where we are to meet others right where they are, and say, Hey, I'm right here. I don't have any magic words. I don't have any. I'm not a therapist, by the way. So I can't fix you. I'm not a savior. I'm not here to save you. But I do know that we are,

10:05  
how he meets people. We are. We're image bearers, we're holding that him of hope that people are waiting for a touch. We have we, we are everything in him, and through him. And our stories matter. And so that's why I'm coming to you today. I just, I want to give you a little piece of who I really am. I want to get rid of the elephant in the room. That is, yes, I was divorced, I have no formal theologian training. I am not a theologian, I am absolutely 100% in love with Jesus. And I am not here to go toe to toe with what you may believe versus what I believe. I've been told for many years of being a really true Christian or believer that we aren't to ask questions. That's dangerous, that learning about what the Mormons believe might be different, or dangerous. You know, it just putting faith into a box. And I truly believe that every denomination, and every other religion, we all hold a piece of the puzzle of who Jesus is. And in the end, we all become one. And I do believe that it's right here on earth that could it could really happen. Do I believe it's going to happen right now? I'm not sure. There's so much work to be done. But I believe that we all hold a piece of that puzzle. And it's Jesus. And I believe that its grace and its love. And, you know, elevation sings a song walking on water, and I love it. And I hear it in my head every time. I know someone's going to question my faith, or I know that somebody's going to, you know, say, she's false teaching or any of that it's, I'd rather slip walking on water, because my eyes are so fixed on Jesus. And every time I hit record, I'm saying, Holy Spirit, fill me with all the words because I don't have them. Sometimes. I don't have the right word. Sometimes I have the wrong one sometimes. And I just want to be used for all that I can for his good and his glory. Because I think there's a whole group of people that are marginalized and outcast and considered misfits, and the people that are supposed to be welcoming, welcoming them and are pushing them out. I've been at churches that have closets at the front door to high tattoos. I've been at churches that have decided to quit taking the bus and to what was considered the hole to go pick up kids because they wouldn't look good in the pictures. Same church that quit doing the fall, Halloween outreach that they did, because there wasn't enough return on investment. It was just giving a handout to the kids needed it. Y'all that's not okay. When he says that I was hungry and you didn't feed me you to realize it's within his people that we're doing that you can replace that with anything you can replace it with. The girl who didn't know her worth, didn't believe that she'd be a good mom, who was desperate for a new beginning and made a choice that you deem awful and disgusting and whatever you put with it. But you won't step into her messy life and love her right where she sad. And that breaks my heart. It breaks my heart because the same kid who's struggling with identity and you deem them as walking in sin and practicing Zen. You're not stepping into their life. With love. You're stepping into their life with pointed fingers and shame and condemnation you are pouring out and use want to switch that verse around and say that there's no shame or condemnation in those who love Christ Jesus? No, there's not, which means you shouldn't be pouring it out.

15:06  
I did you hear me say that there is no shame and no condemnation in those who are in Christ Jesus. If you are in Christ Jesus, there is no shame and no condemnation, quit pouring it out on to others. They already feel unseen, unloved, unworthy, and they are chosen and worthy, and holy, loved by the God who created them. And you may be the reason they never accepted into their lives. Does that not break your heart? It breaks mine. On that is the reason. And that's the real me that decided to pull this mic up to my mouth, and speak to you. Because we cannot go around thinking that our only job is to pluck weeds from our garden. Some of those weeds are beautiful. Some of the some of the things that we are considering to be so sinful. I've actually, in my verse mapping have found that words that were originally used are not the words that we use today. And I love words, and I'm so glad that he that gave me that, that researching mind and that devil's advocate kind of thing where I am going to prove you wrong. But it's not. That's not the heart that it comes out. Now. It's a heart that goes, How did I not see that? How did I not see that all of the things that were just rules and checking them off, and the doing church instead of being a church, that holding standards, up to people, and being disappointed all the time and being angry all the time, because I was always disappointed in others, because they weren't performing at levels that I expected of myself, but put off on to others. Like these are failures that I know. And I can thank God honestly and holy for taking me out of the game six years ago, because were my motives. were pure. I wanted to love people. I wanted to save people. And it wasn't mine to do. living my life authentically, openly, for others to see is the only way for me to point people to Jesus, it's just the only way I don't know that my words could ever do the job. But my life can. And when cancer hit, I had so many people already mad at God for me that I didn't need to be mad. I absolutely knew it was the one way that I could walk through it and show how real God was to me now, and I say that without any pride without boasting. But honestly, I believed it was his reputation on the line. I believed that I believed that so much that I didn't have a last will and testament written I didn't do videos to my kids. I didn't write letters to them. I never once believed that I wasn't going to make it.

19:01  
But on the other side of that victory was a darkness I had never known and it may have been the scopolamine patch I'd worn for four months, but it was also looking in the mirror and seeing a girl I didn't recognize any more. There were parts of me that were gone that I loved. I mean, yeah, eyebrows, hair, things of that nature. But there were a lot of other things that I missed and I longed for. And I spent, you know the better part of a year and a half really depressed because she wasn't the same. But what I noticed when I started digging in to who God said I was to who God was and just really devoting my time to that. The things that I was I no longer missed. The things that I still was began to take root and form in a way A that God could use all that I was now in a way that would help others. And that's what I'm here to do. And I'm here to help you believe that no matter where you are in your journey, no matter where you are in your story, I am not one of those Christians who's going to plop or spew condemnation and shame. Because my journey itself, when I look back, and I reflect, and I'm so grateful that the Holy Spirit does that he reminds us, and He allows that wrestling with the with the reflection of what was in the past, and what is in the present, to reckon itself together. And in that reckoning, I was never alone. And I don't have to be who I was, I get to be who I am. And that's really, so encouraging to me. And I hope that's encouraging to you. I quit allowing what others expected of me to be who I was, and I quit allowing what I expected of me to be who I am. And just said, Yes, I said yes to God, 19 years ago. And I still hold that very loosely, because it's always ever changing. And it ebbs and flows. And there was a time that he gave me this vision. And now I just asked myself, is it gonna put me in that room that I saw, where I was just 100%, yours and surrendered to the idea of helping others believe that you are real. And that God you see us in ways that we don't always feel comfortable seeing ourselves. And so if it doesn't fit against that, I kind of just dump it. It's that SIM card thing. And I'm getting better at that. And I hope that when you listen, you listen to it in a way that you hear God speaking to you personally, like Paul's Thorn, you know, I feel like we don't get to know what his thorn is. And I don't want to know what his thorn is, I'm not fixated on what his thorn is. Because it allows me that place to kind of just set myself into. And so I think that's why I don't really like to be defined by labels, and we're losing my facebook page was, gosh, so devastating to me, it allowed me to stop being the cancer girl. And because that's who I had become on that page, and a lot of people now that I have my hair back, and I have my eyebrows and my eyelashes. And you know, I don't look, you can't see my scars. A lot of people don't know my story. And that is perfect. I'm okay with that. Because it's not about me, it's about him. And so wherever you are today, I just encourage you to look around in your places and in your spaces.

23:53  
And find one to two things that you can love about yourself and accept about yourself. And maybe just one or two things that you don't like about yourself, and you allow yourself to have a little bit of grace and say, Hey, God, these are some things I really, really don't like about myself. And if they need change, can you help me change those things? You know, I was really angry for a good year and a half after cancer. I don't I it's got to be a thing. I don't know. I didn't go to counseling afterwards. Because we had moved, but I was angry. I was angry at a lot of things. And that anger was very comfortable. If I'm quite honest, maybe a little too comfortable. But I didn't like it. I really didn't like it about myself. And so figuring out ways to channel that anger into something else. You know, for me, it's home projects or painting or whatever, there's not a magic formula for it, I just don't think there can be, because everybody's different. But I also knew that it was a way that I could see into my daughter's head. You know, I never understood depression until I had it. I never understood anger until I got so angry. And I never understood the darkness until I was buried in it. And seeing my view today, full of light, full of sunshine, full of color, and full of joy and happiness, I couldn't imagine being here been. And so there is hope, on the other side of wherever you are right now. And I hope without any platitude, and a trite, pneus, anything, anything, anything that you know that there truly is, light that can come for you, if you just open up that image of a broken vessel, and just like a candle sitting in it with all the ways that light can break forth. That's, that's God inside you. And he's just waiting, waiting for you to ask him to meet you right where you're at, and to love you, because he already does. But to help you love you, right where you are. I really believe in that silly saying that you can't love somebody until you love yourself. Because I think I love my husband better than I used to, because I didn't really love myself, because of all the shame and all the condemnation. And there's a whole world just waiting for you to love yourself. Because then you can start walking in it not an ego confidence, but in a holy confidence. And it's so much different than cockiness, it's a, it's a ease that invites others in, to feel that light to feel that, that gift of grace and that love that you have to offer. And when we embrace that, in a way that is our actual life, and it's just from a place of the abundance of love inside of us. It overflows to others around us. And it's absolutely a choice that we get to make. And I hope that today, moment by moment sometimes, because that's how it is for me that you will begin that journey of reframing some perspectives, looking at some of the things that are on the shelves of your soul that don't belong there anymore. Maybe it's a lie that you've been telling yourself, maybe it's a story that you embellished a little bit. And maybe it's something that you've been hiding away in your heart that needs some light so it can begin to burst forth. You know, this is spring, there's nothing more beautiful than seeing some of the things that God puts to sleep during the winter. And then buds start breaking forth, whether it's on the trees or it's coming up out of the ground.

28:49  
There's life again, there's always life again. Sometimes it needs a little pruning, sometimes some things have to die off so that they can come back to life. But I promise you, it all comes back to life. And it comes back to be a blessing for others. And in the process. You will be the one truly blessed. And no matter what, as I in this right now. I want you to know that even if you feel like no one loves you that no one sees you. No one understands you. It's okay. Because when you begin to see yourself and when you begin to understand why you do some of the things you do and start to allow yourself to either just be that person or maybe even make some changes. God has always been and will always be for you. He's not are out to work against you. He's not out to change you. He's out to be with you as you are, who you are where you are. And I know that this goes against all the rules that you may be believed. But there are some people that only God can use in places that uptight. Pew babysitters will not go because it scares them because it seems sinful or wrong. He's waiting for you The Misfit you the outcast, you though rebel, you and I'm including myself in that.

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To just be who you are, loving who you love, living how you live, and doing good, because it comes from a place of overflow in your heart that no one else gets to define or decide is enough, or is worthy of our God, the Creator of the universe. I don't care how you talk about him or what you call them. I promise. If your heart is in it for the right reason to love because he loves you to give because he's given to you and to show grace because you know that you have been given grace. He can use you where ever you are. Thank you for showing up today. So much love for all of you. Until next time, thank you.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai