Episode 4: My Triple Negative Breast Cancer Journey Part One

Diagnosis, Treatment Protocol, & Surgery

Today’s episode is the beginning of the series of my breast cancer journey. It was a hard episode to record for me. Very emotional still over the details and journey that it was.  This was take 7- I am sure there are parts I left out- like GET A PORT!! 
I was diagnosed in 2017 with an aggressive form of Triple Negative Invasive Ductile Breast Cancer.  I share the journey through diagnosis, decisions, treatment protocols and the 3 surgeries that I had over 2 years time.
I share about losing my hair, side effects, and so much more.

Part 2- I will share more about the details on the DIEP flap, essential items for preparing for surgery and life after cancer.

You can read more about my journey on my blog. Here are a few links.
Becoming a Warrior
Breast Reconstruction part One
Breast Reconstruction Part 2

My Pinterest board on breast cancer
My Amazon Storefront for essential items for during chemo & surgery

Thank you so much for listening today. It was a hard one. But I hope it was valuable to you.
I also want to encourage you to follow along for more encouragement and fun things to come.

Let's be Friends.
Connect with me on
Facebook: @curatedsoulsbyloriyoung
Instagram: @curatedsoulsbyloriyoung
Pinterest: @loriy

Blog: https://www.vintagecharmrestored.com/blog

Transcript

0:04  
So much time explaining why that option was not my best. He said that he spends so much time with women trying to help them understand why surgery is not best

0:34  
Hello, hello, hello, this is Lori with Curated Souls and I am your host today and always today's a little bit hard. I'm just going to be honest, I'm on like take seven and it is just something that is emotional. It is something that is a ton of facts, trying to redact some of the things that just don't matter and trying to make sure that I articulate everything in a way that you can understand and it's not a story because it is something that's very hard and very real and it's my cancer journey. I am almost two weeks away. Probably really not even two weeks I can't even believe it. But April 23 Is my four year anniversary for a the first sector me that I had but also getting cancer out of my body. So 2017 I was diagnosed with triple negative invasive, very aggressive invasive ductal carcinoma. Invasive just means that it's spread to other areas on the breast ductal is that it formed in the milk das of your breast and I had kind of a scaly patch very itchy. I had pain underneath my arm. And my main goal was really to take care of my endometriosis when I went to the OB doctor but that routine mammogram that she threw in with the ultrasound landed me with several more appointments, several more MRIs, CTS, mammograms, 3d mammograms, oh, let's get another ultrasound. And ultimately, I ended up on a biopsy table. Because I had this cluster of calcifications that, you know, most of the time are benign this the way that they were grouped, made the radiologist want to get a biopsy. And I'm glad he did, because I ended up knowing that yes, indeed, I had cancer. Now I have a lot of medical history. But I really don't want to get into that in this episode. I don't know what caused my cancer, I have absolutely no predisposition to it. I had the genetic testing, I don't have the Abraca gene, I don't have a lot of things that can concretely tell us why. So I'm now a part of my research for that to try and figure it out. I may never know. And that's fine.

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What I needed to know was what I was going to do. My OB Doctor desperately wanted me to see this lady that was here. And she was an oncologist and the surgeon and she wanted to do surgery first and have the chemo after. Because I was already a patient at Mayo, I opted to stay with mayo. And he spent so much time explaining why that option was not my best. He said that he spends so much time with women trying to help them understand why surgery is not best in the beginning. And I kind of understood that because I knew just from the EMS that there is a level of disease or damage that needs to be present in order to see it on imaging. And so when he explained to me that the protocols that I would walk through and in the order that I would walk through them, there would be scans and there would be imaging done so that they could see if the cancer was shrinking was stable or was dying off. And so that made perfect sense to me. Yes, I wanted the cancer out of me who doesn't want to get rid of that in your body. But I also wanted there to be evidence that it was working. So my particular cancer is very high risk. It has a very high risk chance of coming back. And there are probably some protocols that are different, some drugs that are different, and I cannot speak to the other breast cancers 10 to 15% of women that get breast cancer and up with my particular cancer. Triple Negative just means that the estrogen and the progesterone receptors are negative and her to negative as well. I didn't have a ton of people in my life that I knew that had gone through breast cancer. And the very few people that I met once I got an invitation to this unfortunate club. They had this form of cancer They were in their second battle. And so I asked some questions about their, their treatments that they had had. And my only other second option was to do a lumpectomy IV mo therapy or have chemotherapy have a lumpectomy and then have radiation, the people that I had met that was what they had had, and they hadn't come back. So my reign ruminates and can go to worst case scenario anyway. So I opted or a double mastectomy when I made that choice. And it wasn't an immediate surgery that I would have that went on the back burner that went on the back burner, just so that we're clear until about five days before I actually had my surgery. And I got diagnosed on October 8, and had my first chemo on October 30. So surgery wasn't until April, I had a lot of time to find out my options. But for me, that was what made cancer real. I'm a fighter, I am an Enneagram eight, and I can handle the mission of writing. I did have a very big, holy confidence that this was how I was going to make God real for a lot of people. I can't explain it. My faith is very personal in that and I don't want anyone to ever extract that my faith was the reason that I beat it. And that anybody that has lost somebody that theirs was not big enough, because that is not the case. I absolutely believe that chemotherapy is the tool that I had, and the method that God gave me to use. And I had spent years trying to rid toxins of my body because of the MS. And my long journey with that and the food for medicine and the way that I had gone on autoimmune protocols and the healthiest that I was, despite the cancer, walking into it, in addition to the chemo, and just believing and trusting my doctor was all that I could do. And yes, I gave the rest of it to God. But I knew that even if I didn't make it, that my walk through it, and the way that I was responding to it was going to show many people either hope or that I was crazy. And I didn't care which one it was. I really wanted it to be hope. But I really, I really want this to not be as humdrum drum as my last seven takes. So bear with me as we go through this. So with my particular cancer being high risk, Mayo has a ton of research 90% of the cases that went through it with this same regimen and protocol had a success rate. Now, what about that, you know, six to 8%? Well, it may be because of the time that it was caught my calcifications actually really made us think that it wasn't as big as it was, yes, it had spread underneath my arm. I did have some pre cancer, but we weren't really sure and so you couldn't see the tumor that was hidden by dense tissue in imaging. And so that wasn't found out until after all the chemos and surgery that I had had a complete response but that up to my stage because I did have an extra large tumor. That being said, I want that said first because I want you to understand that him saying that they treat stage zero to stage four the same that played well for me friends, because if he treated me as though I were stage zero or even one, I don't know that I would have had such intense chemo right? So I had 12 weeks of taxall and carbo Platon. taxall is known to grow or not respond well. And so that was a second reason for me not to have surgery I needed to see he needed to see that it was working and was effective in the way that it was being presented. And you know, the whole reason for it. Right. So that was 12 weeks of that. I do want to say that that I hope you will keep a notebook for you. For me. I had a little notebook. I had all of my rounds pre written out. day one, day two, day three, day four, day five. I had my chemo and Monday superhuman on Tuesday because of all the steroids. Wednesday was the worst version of me ever and was the day that I had Lorazepam or Ativan so that I could sleep because I didn't sleep from Tuesday to Wednesday and that was why it was super human. I went to the grocery store I did you know retail therapy. I walked I did all the things cleaning you name it and crashed come Wednesday night but taxall and carbo platen. They made me extremely nauseous, extremely fatigued and from Monday Tuesday, you know, I go sunrise to about five o'clock come home, take a nap, eat with the family, Tuesday, Get up, take the kids go to school, do all the same things that I would normally do without the cancer and Thursday and Friday, I was really sick. But Saturday started coming up out of it Sunday, I was just well enough to start all over again on Monday. And I needed to keep track of that, because with him as I was going to have probably amplified neuropathy. And I needed to keep track of all of the symptoms that I was having, because I wasn't gonna know whether it was from the Gabapentin I was taking, or from the Zofran or from the steroids or the chemo itself, and I certainly wasn't going to remember it. And so that allows you to have a full list and be able to be vocal about your symptoms, because they need to know, they need to know so that they can make adjustments they need to know so they can help you better understand this is, you know, either part of the chemo or this is from some of the other drugs that you're going to get lumped on with. That is something that's very important. So be sure and ask questions about the drugs that you're taking about the side effects that you might see, if you go in with any health problems prior to, then this also will help you have the right kind of questions. So you'll know like I had irritable bowel for a long time. So any kind of nausea meds only amplify what also came gives you and that's a huge amount of constipation. It's no fun, and I hate even talking about it, but it's a real thing. And so you'll need to know what you're experiencing so you know how to help yourself and so your caregivers can know how to help you. The second thing is that the last rounds of chemo that I was given, are Adriamycin which is known as the Red Devil. And it is because it's the devil. It gives you the most horrid symptoms and Cytoxan, which coincidentally gave me a bit of a reprieve from some of my MS symptoms, but and all of these drugs can cause cancer later, like there's so many negative side effects. But there are so many obvious benefits. And that's I'm alive. And so lingering in the background is this friend that I don't want to admit she's back there. Maybe because I just don't like her. And I didn't invite her to the party. But she's that, you know, relapse of cancer that could come back. And that's a hard thing, as well. Because unfortunately, inside of the journey, you'll meet people that have gone through it. And again, they get a form of leukemia that comes because of the chemo. And it's just one of those things that when you get inside of this group, you are going to see and you're going to hear and you're going to be flooded with an influx of information from people that have known people that have died, people that have known people that have gone through it, that and it's just a really hard thing. I tightened my circle when I got diagnosed, and I got off Facebook and I got off

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my business, Facebook also. And the people that showed up, were there with hope and encouragement. And that was exactly what I needed. And I think that if that is the kind of person that you are, you may enjoy that to just kind of tighten in and allow yourself to breathe, and make sure that you are living. So with that by group of people that I knew, and some of the people that I lost their treatments were in reverse that Red Devil has a lifetime Max dose of four and I received them at the end of my treatment. It's the most toxic chemo that there is. And if you take a drug that you know can grow your cancer, you need something that's going to be toxic is how to kill it. So that was his reasoning for having those drugs the way that they were. And that is the level of success rate that they have seen. People ask me all the time, and that's kind of how I want to approach this is by the questions that I receive. Because I miss my Facebook page that I had that got hacked, I was Laurie of vintage charm restored. And I miss those people dearly. I've been praying for him. I have walked alongside so many of them in their journeys and been able to help and that has been part of my healing. And so I missed that. But I get asked questions still all the time through email through DMS. And I want to just kind of answer some of those questions and one of the big ones is a did you use a cooling gap in How soon did you lose your hair and I did not use the cooling cap. I didn't use a cooling cap because I have migraines. And the morning that I went in for the very first time or my very first chemo, I was told by my nurse that you have to wet your head and then the cooling cap kind of blows this air and it can often cause headaches. Well, I already had one that day. And I was like, the second thing that she said was that 50% of your hair will probably still be lost. And it's about a 5050 to 70% of the women still experience extreme thinning out and hair loss and so that that outweigh my migraines that I would probably potentially increase. And I was like, nope. So I didn't do it after my first week of chemo, which by the way, was the day before Halloween, and I did go trick or treat the next day. By the end of that first week, I noticed that I was shedding but not clumps. By the end of my second week of chemo, I had it definitely falling out. And I had a friend coming in town. And so I shaved my head. And the other question that I get a lot or the fear that so many women have is losing their hair. My fear never lied in that until I shaved my head and I cried in the bathroom by myself. And I immediately looked at myself in the mirror and said this doesn't change who you are. Now that being said, I did have taxall and carboplatin first and I did not lose my eyebrows, and I did not lose my eyelashes. I don't wear a ton of makeup anyway, I wear mascara, some blush, and now that we're not wearing masks all the time, I

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do now wear lipstick, not today. But so I was encouraged to tattoo my eyebrows to look into false lashes. And I was like, am I gonna do that I did get my wig prior to my first treatment, I do encourage you to find out from your insurance, my insurance from the first prescription that I got for a wig, they pay $500 A year and they will continue to pay that for my lifetime. So I got my way I shaved my head after the second week. And that mostly was so that my friend who was coming didn't have to witness me losing my hair. I noticed in my journey that I did a lot of things to make other people comfortable with my cancer. Isn't that the craziest thing, don't do that to yourself, just walk through it authentically. And if that's bold and competent, like I was most of the time, that's fine. But if you feel like crap, let yourself feel like crap. And don't Don't worry that you're dragging your family through it this cancer is everybody goes through it inside your family, your friends, they never experience it at a level that you experience it at. They'll never understand physically, they'll never understand mentally, but they understand a lot more than you think. And they are watching and learning. And there is something for everyone to learn inside of cancer. And I believe that wholeheartedly and I believe it even more on this other side of where I am today. Because I always thought that they were they had to understand what I was going through. I mean, you're watching it right and now they really cannot. And I don't even think that I understood the level because chemo is just that ugly. And it's really hard to understand and, and to know all the things that you're feeling, because it's just this ebb and flow that you are going through. And most of the time you're so in this fight mode that you don't even allow yourself to know that you're Epping and flowing or I didn't which is why that journal symptoms which only made it to round nine if that gives you any idea. It just takes your immune system and mine was already tanked going in my white blood cell count was already neutropenic and so I had a lot of extra things that I had to fight. neuropathy was one of them. My level of Gabapentin was way higher than I had ever had. And I was still experiencing severe neuropathy. I like couldn't feel my right foot at all. I still have some dead spots on that foot. And there were granites shots that I took. They were daily injections to try and blast my white blood cell count and I only had to take that because of my insurance not allowing Neulasta in the beginning unless grant extend work, which it didn't. And so then I took new last time in Alaska is a wonderful thing, but I want to tell you to take Claritin if you take Neulasta because the bone pain is worse than any chemo pain. And because it's blasting your bone marrow and the white blood cell counts and sight of it and it hurts honestly, it hurts. And the Claritin oddly does help. And you can google that and look it up yourself. It is a thing. It's something in sight. And it's one of the ingredients inside of Claritin. So there's that. I didn't have my surgery first, I had the four drugs grouped into twos over 16 weeks, or actually, it's over 20 weeks because you do 12 weeks, and then you do four weeks or four treatments, but they're every other week because they're so toxic. And then I was going to have surgery, so I had really not researched it. And prior to my cancer, I had implants from 2008. And the big question in the room, maybe they were not leaking, there was no scar tissue and they were intact. They were fine is not what gave me cancer. So I was able to do an immediate reconstruction. My only two options were to have a double mastectomy with no reconstruction or have them double mastectomy with a reconstruction. So I opted for that. I was told that it would be a one and done surgery. I hate that that was how was even presented but they put silicone I had had saline prior, they put silicone in me. And those were my only options. I knew nothing about a deep flap. And I think it was just standard protocol. I had such pain two months after my surgery. And because I already had implants, I knew what I was going to be going through with the double mastectomy a little bit. Because of the reconstruction. I did not know the level of pain that I would have because they literally scrape all the way down to your bone.

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And that was painful. But I was in a pain that was different than anything I've ever felt. And I was very vocal about it. And I was told often that it was chemos fault. And so I didn't give chemo any credit at all. When everything was getting blamed on chemo. We moved shortly after my first labs that they had started taking very seriously and referred me out to a rheumatologist because my bone blood count was 25 times higher than it was supposed to be. And so my husband's father in law, or my husband's father, my father in law was very ill and we moved to Oklahoma to try and help take care of him and I saw a wonderful oncologist and she immediately noticed how much pain I was in. And this is the level of chemo that chemo brain that I just didn't even know that I had. And this is why I say I didn't give chemo any credit. We were a family of six, and we sold our minivan for a Murano that we didn't even fit in. If you're the caregiver, don't be afraid to tell somebody No, that has cancer. I mean, there's so many things that my family I they just didn't want me to not have something and I think it is probably because they thought I was gonna die. I mean, we even went to Disneyland when I was my numbers were so tanked. I couldn't have chemo. I took my family to Disneyland. My poor, oldest son had a miserable time. And I know now it was because he thought I was going to die. Why wouldn't he? I wasn't even supposed to be getting chemo and I was at Disneyland. And I didn't die. We're fine. But and this was before COVID, the surgeon plastic surgeon that I had that did my reconstruction, you know, at Mayo, who's no longer with mayo, but he had not because of this, but he knew surgeons mentor and I should have run just knowing that right? I mean, come on one failed surgery to a younger version of out he was in a younger version. He is my hero and on the forefront of the deep flap. He was with a group that was in Fort Worth, and they are amazing. And they do mostly breast cancer patients and I just find that awesome. But that was February. I had my surgery in April of 2018. And in February of No, I had my surgery. Yeah, it was. Time is something that I've lost after cancer. There will be certain things that you just won't remember and there will be things that you remember blazingly well, but I had my surgery in April 2018. We moved to December of 2018. And I had my next round of surgeries in 2019, February 2019. So I was just being prepared for COVID. Right? Because I was bed bound for up until about September of that following year. That surgery was a beast. I only had two options, get them out and get them out and have a deep lap. Now deep lap is very hard to access Blayne. But it is where they take, they can do it from your back, they can do it from your thighs, they can do it from your abdominal area. Originally, they were gonna do it from my thighs and my abdominal area. But they said that the thighs would not be necessary. And they were going to take it from my abdominal area, and it's blood vessels and your fat and they just kind of reconstruct you from you.

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I wish that had been an option the first time. So we x planted, I had so much scar tissue. And that bone count number that was so high was the beginning stages of the breast related leukemia, and you don't walk through chemo so that you can walk into leukemia on purpose. Like it's always a risk anyway, right? So why would you put something in you those implants actually were the ones that had been recalled. I'm very lucky, very, very, very lucky that they were only inside of me for roughly nine months. And I hate that they were inside me for nine months. And I hate that nobody was listening, that I was in pain, and that it took a woman looking at me going, you're in pain, let's get you over to Dr. Masters. And he is a godsend. He is amazing. And I'm so grateful for him and his team. I didn't choose to use implants again. The other doctor said absolutely not you anything foreign in your body with your MS is going to go and attack it and you just don't need anything else like that. And so I didn't really care about sighs I just didn't want to be concave. And so I went through the surgery. Now, I wasn't supposed to be high risk for the surgery. Because I was active fit, I was thin. And there was no reason for me to have any adverse reactions, I was allergic to every single thing that he used to close me up, he did not want to do surgery on me ever again, I had to end up going back in due to complications because some of the fat went necrotic. I'm lucky that that didn't happen in my bras. But it did happen in my stomach. And so I was also allergic to the staples, he ended up having to go in and really quilt stitch. And it isn't until even yesterday when I was in the pool, and I was doing exercises, because that's just the best way for me to do any kind of physical therapy or any kind of exercising your abdominal area, and maybe even your rest. I do think I have some areas that are still, the nerves just haven't really reconnected and are really I don't know, they're just not working yet. But I can't feel everything in my stomach. But yesterday was doing these stretches. And even now as I touched it, I'm like, wow, I can feel that again. For the first time. I remember singing in the car for the first time. And I could be it and as someone who loves to worship and sing and has forever, it was really hard to not be able to sing at a level that I was used to singing because it couldn't feel it in my diaphragm and even now, I can kind of stuck in my stomach and sort of feel bad but that regeneration I had that done in 2019. And I just, you know still kind of regaining some of that feeling. So I walked through my chemo from October to April right before surgery, I did get the flu and was hospitalized. And my breast cancer surgeon you have two surgeons, you'll have one that removes the breast cancer and one that does the reconstruction if that's what you opt for many women who do not have implants prior to will have to have expanders that my breast cancer surgeon came bedside and let me know that I had a full complete response to the chemo which means cancer is gone. And when he did my surgery, and they removed that tumor, which shocked them and they removed everything else. And I continued my scans and everything after I've truly had a complete response. It's almost a miracle is how he put it because I am stage and it's three be ugly, of triple negative and I've continued to have basically normal labs ever since I had that deep lab. It wasn't even a month later that I had the same my oncologist ran the same labs that they always run and I was within normal ranges okay of everything but the neutropenic thing so because of the MS. I will probably always have a low white blood count and it's just my normal now but recovery has been has been just kind of this ongoing being physically I think that my body right covered a lot better than mentally and emotionally. Nausea was very hard and so I kind of went from drug to drug to drug trying to find something that would work. I used oils, I drank chick fillet lemonade is the best thing to clean and clear. Your palate chemo will really mess up your favorite foods.

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So don't eat your favorite foods. I was told that and didn't quite believe it. But man, my green smoothie. It ruined my green smoothie for me, even now, and so I didn't eat Mexican food during chemo. Well a couple of times, but not like I could eat it every day now. So anyway, that's kind of ridiculous, isn't it? But so pineapple is great for inflammatory but I was always told the pineapple would cleanse your palate. It does not for it didn't work for me. Hobby Lobby make has these Lemon Drop. I told you retail therapy has these lemon drop little candies, those were the best and took fillet. A Lemonade was something that $11 A gallon, why in the world to play, you've got to do something for cancer patients because there's a whole market for you. But $11 I paid it but it was some days I was thinking Hi, that's crazy digress. The Gabapentin it really made me a sugar. And I think it's because it has a sugar in it. And chemo has a sugar in it as well. And there was a sailing shortage during the time that I was getting chemo. So I was having to have a little bit I think it was a sugar water that was in it. Anyway, I can't remember all the details on that. But it made me crave french fries. I loved me some canes, chicken tenders, and french fries and took the light soup on the days that it was really really sick. Chick fil A soup, grab a gallon eliminate at the same time. Anyway, I tell you all of that, and I laugh, but they put a scopolamine patch on me and I had great hesitation when they did it. Because I'd read that it was the it wasn't the date rate. But it was the same drug as the date rate. And the idea of having that on me just was you know, it was very scary. So I had that on for four months, and I developed an absolute dependency on it. And the withdrawal that was to come was the first experience that I had of it was you wear it for three days, and then you take it off, then you have to wait three days before you put another one on. And I didn't know you can wear it for four days why had just put this one on, and you have to wait three days. That's the rule after you take it off. And I knew it wasn't gonna be able to put another one on for three days. And I just put it on and I was so nauseous. But I had to have an MRI done and it has metal on it. And I had a panic attack for the first time. I mean, full blown I couldn't breathe went into emotional tears. And this poor lady was looking at me like I was crazy. And I was and I just looked at her and I said I'm so nauseous and you're gonna make me take this off and I can't put it back on. And she held on to it for me while I had my thing. And then she immediately put it back on for me. I could cry just thinking about that whole day, because that scan that I was having was the scan that was going to tell us whether or not my cancer was gone, or that I'd had any response to it. And so that it was very emotional. And there are going to be so many things like that, that are going to be so emotional. And it's almost, I mean, I equate it a little bit like the whole being pregnant thing where you're just kind of this roller coaster of emotions. But it's more than that, because of all the the drugs that are flooding your body and all of the things that you know, the idea of death, the all of that I never, ever fully believed that I was going to die. And I know that because I didn't write letters to my kids. I didn't leave videos. I didn't do any kind of thing like that. And I just didn't ever let that even enter into my brain anytime. Anything like that came I took it captive very well. I remained active. We had. We lived in a neighborhood that had this two mile loop. And I walked it almost every day. But my days because I wasn't there and Thursday but every other day I walked it and sometimes I walked it twice morning and in the evenings. It was the way that I could if I stayed moving and here's the thing, so many people would say just rest and you know I put up Christmas trees and I did everything that I always do I painted furniture I just stayed active And here's the reason why. Sometimes the things that caregivers and friends say are for them, they are not for you, I stayed active because I wasn't sick when I was moving. And the moment I sat down or the moment that I wasn't just moving, I would get so sick. And I, when I get sick, I

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get cranky, I get edgy, I get mad, I fall apart. And I knew that if I fell apart, that would become the new routine for me. And I didn't want it to be the new routine for me, I didn't want my kids to see me that way. And there were plenty of days that they did. But the days that I could push through it, I pushed through it. And that was how I made it through. For me, it's going to look different for everybody. And everybody needs to just let it look different for everybody. Don't judge don't make people feel guilty. Don't make people feel anything that they don't already need to feel. Because trust me, we're already feeling more than we're ever going to let on. So just know that the power of presence and not the kind that sits in a chair and just stares at you. But the kind that without even knowing what is needed just does something like we had neighbors that I hadn't even met that brought groceries to us as a giver, learning how to receive, there were so many things that I could tell you and that I would tell you that I know God was 100% working on me because as a giver who cannot receive Are you really a giver, I don't know. I had so much pride that I didn't even know I had and man did I really know it when I looked in the mirror and I was finally sick the last four rounds at first off the last two rounds of the first grouping, I started growing stubbles back. And it was an awful an ugly trick. Because those last four rounds took every single stitch of hair everywhere. And I didn't have eyebrows. I wore mascara on the last lash that I had. And I am not embarrassed by that. But it was truly a hard time to walk through. And I'm lucky that I had people that just showed up that I didn't ask to show up and they loved me through it. And they supported me through it and they stayed with me through it. Because we always say that the people who show up during tragedy, those are the people who love you. I want to add that the people who show up and stay with you after tragedy those people who love you, those are your people. Because some people just sad that need to be doing or others or look the part or I don't know some kind of narcissistic motive in it and then they're gone after and you're like, okay, it really hurts to be honest. So here's some things that I hope you take away. Ask the questions about your particular cancer, the drugs that are being used, the symptoms that you're going to have anything that you might need to be aware of extra because of anything underlying in your medical history, ask how long the treatments are going to last ask about what palliative care is available for you find a way to still continue doing your life if that means putting on a wig because it makes you feel better do it. I didn't start wearing my wig until after we had gone to California after I beat cancer had my surgeries and homeless man inside a McDonald's told me I look like a boy my hair was just barely growing back. And it was in an awful stage. I give him all of that it was somewhat curly somewhat not was just barely over this stubble. And it was hot and I didn't want to wear my wig. And from that day on, I pretty much wore my wig all the time. And it was no longer for other people. It was for me. It was for me to feel the confidence. It was for me to be able to look at myself in the mirror and I hate myself. I missed my old self and I was angry. Very, very angry from the withdrawal that I had to go through with that scopolamine patch. So if that ever becomes something that they suggest for you, I clearly say no, because I went through a withdrawal that was much like an addict. I was hugging a toilet. It was dark as night and yet, middle of the day. And I was depressed. I was angry. I was so sick. I was puking in a toilet I was I'm begging and pleading Jesus to take me home. And I just wanted it all to be over, I couldn't understand how I'd be cancer for that. And that would become the words, for the next two years that I would say often when anything got hard, I can't believe I beat cancer for this, give your people grace that have walked through

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anything, actually. But for me, the cancer, it was a really, really rough transition into life after. And I've done pretty good, because we're almost done. And I'm only just now about to cry. But it is hard. But I'm so much healthier, stronger, brighter, and better of a person and version of myself on this side of cancer after a lot of the healing that needed to take place, physically, emotionally, mentally. And that's just work that you have to do with yourself. It's a lot like PTSD, it may actually be PTSD. It was really hard for me, and it's taken seven takes. Because there's a level of survivor guilt. And a level where you still get triggered, when you find out that somebody, their cancer came back on them. Because of that friend, I told you about that I don't want come into the party anymore. And I know that I'm a better person for what I've gone through. I just never wish it on anyone else. So I really do appreciate you letting me spend this time talking to you. And I hope that it brings some kind of value to you. I hope that it gives you some questions to answer for your doctor. And I hope that it gives you an idea and a glimpse into what it looks like. I probably will come back with a part two to this. But for today, I think that it's already so much information for you. And I know that I did it in a much better way than I did the first time and that would be my son on the stairs. So I'm going to say thank you for being here today. And if you have any questions, please check the show notes of four information that I will put in there for you. And that was my doodle. And feel free to message me on social media or my email you can read about my cancer journey on vintage charm restored.com WACK block, and you will find my surgery you'll find some of my cancer journey in there and a way to connect with me. So if you'll subscribe and leave a review. If you feel led to that please come back so that we can have some fun with some creative things as well. Friends, thank you for spending time with me today. I hope that you enjoyed today's episode. I hope that you will leave encouraged and inspired and do the same for someone else. If you haven't already, I hope that you'll subscribe and I love to connect. So let's be friends on Instagram or Facebook. You can find me at curated souls by Lori Young. I'm also on Pinterest where you can find tons of inspiration. My handle is at Flori bye. Until next time

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