Episode 5: Triple Negative Breast Cancer Journey Part 2- Healing

Welcome to Curated Souls with Lori Young.

Last week I promised I would come back with a look at the healing process.  I am giving you a look into what life was like just after cancer and having 3 surgeries within that first year after my last chemo treatment.

It is a really raw and delicate look. It's been a healing physically, cognitively, emotionally, and a finding my way back into life.  This journey was harder for me than the actual fight mode. Finding my words was a struggle and I am glad that I had a supportive family to help me push through. Even more grateful for a God that kept me through it all!!

Please visit my blog for the full story and more of the medical terminology that you might need for the specific cancer and surgeries that I went through.

Finding out I had Breast Cancer
Triple Negative Breast Cancer Diagnosis & Treatments
Breast Reconstruction Part One and Part Two
Amazon Storefront Breast Cancer Must Haves (affiliated link)


Please share with anyone you may know battling cancer or struggling with life after cancer. It's a way to let them know they are not alone!!!


Thank you for listening and I hope that you will click subscribe and leave a review.

See you next week!!
Let's be Friends.
Connect with me on
Facebook: @curatedsoulsbyloriyoung
Instagram: @curatedsoulsbyloriyoung
Pinterest: @loriy

Blog: https://www.vintagecharmrestored.com

Transcript

0:08  
And she was going through much of the complications that I was only about four weeks ahead of me. So I had this kind of gauge of what I could expect. It was nice to have somebody to talk to that had been through

0:34  
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, it's Lori, your host for curated souls podcast. And I am so glad that you are back. If you didn't catch last week, it was part one, I kind of planned to have rolled them out one day and then the next. But what I didn't expect was all the things that life had to offer, plus the amount of just needing to sit with all of those thoughts that were brought back up with talking about my cancer journey. But today, we're going to talk about healing. And some of its physical and some of it is emotionally, and mentally, and what that look like, I'm not your average girl. So this won't be the average healing kind of post your talk that you might expect. This is absolutely only on audio today. Because, well, I've done laundry all day, I've cleaned all day. And I have paint all over me from some projects that I'm trying to finish up. And that's a pretty clear picture of hailing.

1:55  
You know, I laughed with my husband, because I had all this laundry on the bed. And he was telling me Oh, honey, thanks for, for helping out and doing this. And I literally just laughed. And he was like, what, that's not a day, I'm saying thank you. And I just looked back at him. And I said, No, thank you. We've been arguing about me being able to do laundry for about three years now. And so the fact that I finally am doing it, and he's saying thank you, it was just like it complete irony. And it just made me laugh. And it made me laugh that I could laugh about it. Because I am a born fighter. I can walk through fire, I can fight my way through just about anything. I'm not sure that that's an Enneagram eight. I'm not sure if that's just what life had handed to me. But it is absolutely who I am. So in the cancer journey, the actual mission of fighting and beating cancer was a no brainer. Like, yeah, I'm going to do this and I can, but the after cancer and around here I do say BC for for cancer. But after cancer, it was harder. For me, it was really hard. I had this whole theory and idea while I was going through cancer, that really it was a stripping of a lot of the things that I just hadn't given up yet. And by that I don't mean foods or drinking or you know, any kind of sinful thing like that. What I meant was, it was just like, when you see yourself in the mirror, and you have no hair and you don't look like yourself, you know, this isn't the end. But you know, this isn't where you want to be. And so I just kept reframing everything in that lens of don't let it cancer be how you get to who God wants you to be. And for me, I'm stubborn, strong willed, and a fighter. And so in the effort to not help God anymore if cancer was how he was going to get that done. I was surrendering, absolutely positively surrendering. And some of the things I could see being stripped away. I wasn't grasping at anymore. Some of the things that are being stripped away were things that I knew I was deeply going to miss but I knew whatever I walked out of cancer still being still doing still having a heart and a passion for would probably intensify. And those were the things that I was going to go after what I didn't know was there was going to be this acclamation to life. That was going to be far harder than than I could have ever dreamt up that people would fall off that had come and rallied with me. But now that there was no need, some of them fell away, that was deeply painful, deeply hurtful, there were just so many things psychologically, that required more healing been physically for me, when we moved to Oklahoma, and I had my next set of surgeries, I had the deep flat, I do have a very deep and thorough post on my blog about what that is, like real medical details for this. But for you, it was like going through and it was not like going through, but it was having the implants x x planted and having a double mastectomy, again. And then it was, it's called a deep flap, it's being cut from behind your hip, or behind, just behind your back all the way to the next side, just behind your back, when I went into it, I thought it was going to be like a C section, which I'd never had, I did not do much research, because he told me it would be very gory and gruesome and that I probably would not want to do it. And he was right. But I didn't know that I was going to have so many struggles, because I was thin, and the fat that they you know, took but the fact that they've left because you got to have a little it necrosis or an necrotic. And it costs a lot of complications along my surgical line. And that with being allergic to the staples, and those pushing out and having to be reopened and having to go back under anesthesia, anesthesia and chemo brain, they just kind of amplify everything and so I never stay down. And it was no exception with this surgery. So basically, a lot of people want to know physically what that was like. And so I do want to answer that just a little bit. But most of this podcast episode today is going to be basically about the emotional healing that takes place after cancer. So physically being cut open or cut in half.

7:25  
I look like I was at and that is kind of disrespectful. I guess I shouldn't say it like that. But I did look like a little old lady with a meeting a cane hunched over, because you can't stand straight up because you'll rip open that giant gaping incision that goes from all backside to the other backside. And so you have to stay you know, hunched over for a bit of time, I was told it was going to be about a six to eight week healing. I had my first surgery, the very end of February, I believe that was on the 28th of February and finally got cleared y'all at the end of September.

8:07  
You do the math that is not six to eight weeks. I had my second surgery from the complications in April. Again, that's still not six to eight weeks, my body from the cancer but also because I have MS. Just took that much longer to heal now. Is it because I maybe overdid it sometimes I'm not sure. I mean, I had clearance to do you know, most of what I was doing, you are to wear some compression. The problem is the compression that you wear. It's like a belly band kind of thing. And I felt so good. But it felt so good that it gave me more power to do things that I wanted to do. And so he took that away and put me in Spanx because it wasn't quite as much compression and I couldn't do as much as I had been doing. If you go to my blog and you see the I believe it's called my breast reconstruction options. Part two, you'll also see that I stencilled the whole downstairs of our house in Oklahoma City, which was about 1800 square feet hunched over or not. I rolled out the primary, rolled out the primary base coat and then sat on my behind and stenciled out 1800 square feet of tile. Yes, I did. That kept me going. And it was wonderful. These are little things along the way that helped me not just physically but mentally to heal. I also was able to meet another lady from a follower on my blog. I got introduced to a lady that had had this surgery also. And she too was then fit active right before she had this surgery and she was going through much of the complications that I was only about four weeks ahead of me. So I had this kind of gauge of what I could expect, it was nice to have somebody to talk to that had been through it that understood it. And it was a lot harder than they let on that it would be. And I imagine part of that is just because they've not been through it, and they see you. Well, he ended up seeing me every week, sometimes a couple of times a week. And that was not my favorite part either. But it was physically one of the hardest things I have ever been through way harder than the chemo, way harder than the first set of surgeries, and definitely harder than childbirth. But on this side of it, I would still say now during it, I said I would never do it again. On this side of it. I absolutely wish it had been the first surgery that I had done, that it had been the option for me with that, be gentle with yourself, give yourself grace, know that there is a brighter tomorrow on the other side of that surgery for sure. And just embrace what it is find something that you can enjoy to do, whether it's crocheting, you're going to be sitting a whole lot. And I did find my best comfort and a chair, I slept with a wedge underneath me for almost six months, because laying flat was very painful. I remember the first time I went to the dentist after I'd had that surgery, and it had actually been from before my cancer. And so it's been almost because I couldn't get my teeth cleaned during chemo because of the aggressiveness of my cancer and getting your teeth cleaned stirs up a whole lot of bacteria. And so I wasn't allowed to get my teeth cleaned. And so I hadn't had my teeth cleaned since July of 2017. And I was just dying to get my teeth cleaned. I worked for a dentist for almost eight years, and I at home had been using my own tools and everything like that, that when I got in that chair, and they laid me back oh my gosh, it was a stretch that I had not felt in a long time. And there was a level of pain, honestly, for what areas I could feel. I mentioned in the last episode, that I have still some numb areas, both in my breast and in my abdominal area. And you know, I don't know when all of the nerves will fully regenerate. I'm not even sure if they will, it's definitely much better than it used to be, I can feel a lot more than I could back then for sure. But those are some things that, you know, you'll learn to adjust and accommodate genes are not going to be your friend for a while. And I learned that the hard way. So I went back to wearing a lot of the more elastic kind of comfy pants that I let myself wear during chemo. And they were far too big. And that was great, you'll have drains that you need to accommodate for. So I would say that button ups are definitely much better for you. I have an Amazon storefront that I have a whole grouping of breast cancer things that are just almost a must have. I cannot remember the brand at it. But there was it was like a CIPA bra of sorts, but it was full body, not full body. But you know, it went all the way down to your waist and it had pockets on the inside of it. And that was so wonderful to go out in public with drains because nobody wants to see that you're embarrassed by it. Again, if you're not then kudos to you. But it's, you know, a level of modesty and decency for some of the other people not to have to see bloody drains. So that was a lot of the healing was just learning to navigate some of the new things that you were going to have to deal with immediately after surgery. I would say absolutely keep up with your pain meds. I opted to not use my pain meds because I just I just don't like the way they make me feel. I don't like that they make me constipated. It is a very microsurgery kind of thing and you're working with nerves and you're working with blood vessels. And so I was put back on gabapentin, which I do not like but it is absolutely this round of surgeries was one of the best uses of that for pain because it was meant for the nerves. So that was great and wonderful for that. The other part of healing was like I had mentioned the more Emotional, your hormones are all Aflac. So you've basically been thrown into menopause and from the chemo drugs, and so there's just all of these feelings and you're all of a sudden off of all of the other meds that which is wonderful. But there's there's this kind of emotional thing that I just didn't expect to have in it was I have this sense of urgency anyway to get things done to fight to all of those things. But now I had to just accept had to be still I had to be grateful for this life that I had been given. But I had also become a member of this club where I lost people in their fight. And I would meet someone new, or someone would come to me because they knew that I'd been through cancer. And they'd let me know that they had just gotten their diagnosis. And so it was always this roller coaster of emotions. But those people put me back in fight mode, because then I felt like I was fighting for them. And so it's kind of an unhealthy thing, quite honestly. And I didn't even know that it was this a circular thing that I was doing to myself. But as I started to come out of the fog, and as I started to heal physically, and unless I really allowed myself to sit with the emotions, and absolutely give them a name, it was grief, it was sorrow, it was in immense gratitude to God for all that he had done, for all that he had brought me through for all that remained of who I was that I didn't know what to do with. And so healing looks a lot like creating space for yourself to wrestle with those feelings, to write what those feelings mean to you to go on a run, and listen to your music, or listen to a book, or whatever it is that you can do that you have to make time for you. Because you've been on this regimented routine of you know, Monday being came out a Tuesday for the day, you've got everything done Wednesdays where the day started to feel a little bit bad, and you needed to go to sleep and Thursdays, you woke up sick, and you were always on a set routine. And now you don't have one, and that can throw anybody into disarray. And so add to it, that you've just been given this new lease on life and things maybe look a whole lot different than they did before. And you're just unsure, you're sitting in uncertainty, you try for this, and it doesn't work out. And then you say yes to this, and you don't really like it. And then, you know, it's just, it's just that juxtaposition of believing that that all things to come together and work together for your good. And for His glory. And you're still breathing. And you're still taking each step by step by step. It doesn't matter what the next step is. It's that you're taking that next step. And that is all I did. I just kept taking that next step. What I got done in the years time that I had that surgery, and we had moved to Oklahoma, and then we put our house back on the market so that we could leave is nothing short of giving God everything and saying, now it's up to you.

18:40  
I have done my part. I'm doing my part and just being willing for it to look different than you expected. You know, I thought when we moved back that we were home. And clearly we weren't some of the healing that I had to go through was really giving myself grace for the words I couldn't find anymore. A lot of that happened in the first attack that I had with a mess. And it was brutal. I never thought that I would be sitting here on a podcast because I write so that I can edit. And yes, I can edit the audio on this and take out the long pauses and things like that. But mostly I couldn't have done this right after cancer. I couldn't have done this probably even last year because I really struggled to find my words. I'd walk away from a conversation and think because I ruminate, right, ruminating queen and go. Oh my goodness, Did I really say all that? Like, I felt like an idiot. I knew I needed therapy, speech therapy. Heck, I probably needed therapy therapy. But it was really funny because you know, one of the main reasons we moved back to Arizona from Oklahoma was the horrific special ed that we experienced in our district and that will be a whole different topic of future episodes. I really have to say thank you for that because it forced me to homeschool me and it In that I was retraining my brain to work. I remember one of me as a speech therapist. She said, this is truly helping you, I'm seeing you come alive, I'm seeing you be able to articulate what you're trying to say. And it's really cool to watch you helping her is really helping you. And her teacher through the charter school was saying the same thing. And I could see that happening as well. I could see the change inside of me, and I could hear it, I could feel it, I could find some of my words again, I still struggle to find some of the words. And sometimes a word will pop up. And it's a huge word. It's something that I used to say, and I'm like, Ernie does, what does that mean? Am I using that the right sense, this is what I think it means. And so it's kind of funny. I my family did a really good job during that year where I was really coming out of the chemo and didn't know that I was coming out of the chemo, I was angry. I really was I was very angry. A lot of the time the laundry story is hilarious, because I was fighting with my husband because he would not stop doing laundry, how was I supposed to heal and come back as a wife, if I couldn't do laundry, I laugh. And I wrote about it in my artist way three pages today, because I realized, we moved him upstairs so they can have a guestroom downstairs. And he hasn't been doing the laundry as much. And we've been doing a lot of projects outside. So we had so many beach towels, and so many towels and so much laundry to get done. And I was doing it. And I sat down and I wrote down the thing that he told me was I do it because it allows you to do the things you love to sit and paint to sit and read your Bible and to spend your time with God, I do it for that reason. None other,

22:05  
I'm not trying to take away you being my wife, or you take away being a mother. And today I understood that for the very first time. Because I've said yes to this podcast. And I've said yes to revamping my website and to selling my artwork and to doing all these things. But in the backside of it, you don't get to see all the things I'm having to relearn having to relearn SEO, I'm having to go in and fix a lot of broken links because my facebook page was stolen. And almost every blog post was linked to that silly page. And so just having to do stuff like that takes up a lot of time that I really don't want to be spending probably need to hire that out. And I will but I noticed I'm not able to do the creative things. I'm not able to spend all day in the word immersed and just sitting with God. And in that I'm doing laundry and doing dishes. I'm painting the trim. And I'm doing things like that. But it's all good. I'm having to learn to shift and readjust and see how this yes is saying no to a few other things. And how do I shift? How do I refocus what I'm trying to do and where I want to go and dreaming again with God. It's been a long time since I've wholeheartedly drained God because the last time I was dreaming with God, I got taken out. And so in those really angry months and weeks and days, a lot of it had to do with not being able to find my words looking at that girl in the mirror and just not seeing who I used to be not liking who I was seeing my family really let me struggle. Now that doesn't sound very nice, but it was if I couldn't find a word my Ethan would ask me these questions that were like jogging my memory but I didn't realize he was being the absolute best speech therapist I could have ever had. And he knew it but it allowed me to remember certain things he allowed me to storytel certain things because then I was remembering details from a lot of things that probably the hardest thing there are gaps inside of this journey that are just missing like I can remember a lot of things that SIM card where I joke and say that I just kind of dump things because I don't have a large enough SIM card. It's kind of the truth a lot of things just did not make it or got deleted off that card and makes me sad sometimes but sometimes I just think you know what it is what it is and let's just move on. Let's not dwell on what isn't and what's 100% Except some of the things that are I hope that if you're if your daughter a friend or a family member of any kind caregiving to someone who's going through cancer who is is on the other side of that fight, that you give a whole lot of grace, and maybe help them work through the things that they're not understanding the Raven working through,

25:11  
they're angry, they're just having to work through some of the things that they're not even expecting to have to work through it. There's so many things about cancer that are so different for each and every person. I'm watching a dear friend who is local, who's you know, in the fight of her life, and I'm just amazed at all the things that she's doing and how she's handling it. And I'm just hoping that as I read through some of my journals, say I've read through some of the blog posts, and I go, how in the world that I write that during that time, because I can't even remember writing it. I just laugh and I just think, you know, we all do this in our own way. And what's right for one person doesn't mean that it's right for another, you know, I was able to put up trees, I was able to do things that I always did, because it's just too right Am I didn't know how to stop and I, it's what kept me going, if that isn't your story, and you're tired, and you need to just rest and you need to just lay down and you need just be still that's your journey, if you're not nauseated and being still is okay for you, girl or man, be still, it's okay, if you're on the other side of this, and your healing journey is not what you expected it to be. Don't let it keep you down. Don't let it become a pit that you dig deeper. Let it become a fight again, to fight through it, to see your way through it. Find some way of coping with where you are today. And knowing that this is not where you're going to be even months, even weeks from now, my journey probably wouldn't have taken so long to heal from if I hadn't had to have two more surgeries. And even after those surgeries, I finally got to have this last summer finally got to have surgery that I was going in for before I found out I had cancer. And so that was another step in that healing journey was now that menopause is not the beasts that we thought it would be because you know, chemo has finessed me right into that we are going to go ahead and just complete that hysterectomy. And I did. And I'm very lucky that my I mean, I don't think luck is the right word, but I am triple negative. So I am not hormone driven. I did ask my oncologist do I get to take estrogen if I need it, you know, what am I going to do? And I had one year, I was given one year that I could take any kind of hormone. And it turns out that I have not needed a major hormone, not cream, not anything like that I really had been going through menopause, I think before cancer and through cancer. And so I'm on one of those. It's not necessarily 10 But it starts with an A every time I want to say it I end up saying Ambien and it's not that you probably know what I'm talking about. It really does help. It helps with the hot flashes, it helps with sleeping, it helps with my mood. I also tried one that for a little bit of time was out of stock. So I quit taking it but it worked like a charm, it was called Happy V and V stands for exactly what you think it is kind of an organic flower type thing. And honestly, it just all really worked out for me I take tumeric and vitamin D anyway for my MS stuff. And I found that supplementing and having supplements has been an OK way for me to deal with all of the things that you end up dealing with one or the other things that was an emotional journey for me is this thing that is a real deal. And some people call it a scam, anxiety some people I don't know what you want to call it, I didn't ever know to call it anything and hold the appointment reminder would come up and I'd go to food. I am so sorry. I had to apologize to everybody in my family, typically everybody, especially my husband, because we tend to be a little rougher with those that we love and our safe place that if those appointments were a little bit more of a head game than I knew the idea of going and having my labs drawn because I've had the double mastectomy twice. Now there's no breast tissue that needs to be scanned. I don't have to go and have scans every time I had the final PET scan. I've had the final MRI and unless something should arise, I don't need to have any more imaging, which is wonderful for me because those had never really bothered me with MS because I got used to it. Whenever anybody asked about how to deal with that, I always, especially with the MRI being that whole tube that you are being put in and through friends, I simply just became like it was my symphony. I just, basically I've had so many of them. I've memorized the whole sequences that they go through. And it's like this Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock. Yeah, anyway, you don't want me to do it. But there's all these sounds that go with it. And so I just got to tune into those until I've tuned out and I'm asleep. But the labs nose are hard, because I'd had labs that weren't good. And so trying to get to a normal lab was a little hard for me, there will be anniversary dates, those anniversary dates create some of that same thing as well. I have an anniversary date, this weekend, and me and my son are flying to Oklahoma City, it is not exactly the place that I want to go. But I get to see my family, I get to see my Kailyn. And I get to have my four year cancer free anniversary. And I'm excited. And it's just one of those things that I want to celebrate. And I don't want to celebrate. And I don't really know what's appropriate for celebrating other than just kind of high fiving myself and saying, girl, you did it, and high fiving God and saying thank you for giving me the power inside me and being with me through every step. And we did it. We did it. You gave me everything I needed. I had it all within me. And I promise to never carry stress like that ever, ever again, in my healing and needing to know that God wasn't just with me in the fight, but he was with me in the victory and that he was with me when I was feeling depressed. And it wasn't about having enough faith. It was about learning to embrace all that I've been through and not downgrading it and not belittling it and allowing myself space to grieve not just what I lost through cancer, but who I lost through cancer. And those are some pretty delicate areas. And there is absolutely no handbook out there that tells you and there shouldn't be like your faith. That is an ongoing evolution of love and grace and trust that happens between you and God, not you and a denomination, not you and a building. Your faith is between you and God. And that became a cry inside of my soul that I went looking in the word, reading His word, and not reading commentaries, but finding the oldest sources of wisdom that I could find to just strengthen that inside of me because I knew it was how I was going to awaken again. And I knew it was how I was going to heal again, getting outside and moving my body the absolute best physical therapy for this particular surgery is in the pool, there is such beautiful imagery that could even be done because that's just who I am. I can't shut it off. But just allowing your body to ebb and flow and to move within that water. There is healing that happens just with a sunshine beating on you, unless you're inside the local gym and you're having to do it. And there. I'm sorry, having that time alone, I hadn't I noticed that I spent more time alone with my thoughts. And in that becomes painting that's I went back to my roots went that, you know, no music, no podcast, no books. I went to my pool with a sunshine and my thoughts or with a paintbrush painting trim or painting stenciled floors or banging doors. I did a lot of painting and a lot of Pool time because I could get alone with my thoughts and I could listen because I think we do a lot of talking and asking but our prayer life is really more about this intimate conversation that says here's what I'm wrestling with. Could you reveal to me why would you show me can you show me with imagery in my mind? Can you bring someone to me with a word that will make sense and I will know that this is this is what you're trying to tell me and Not being afraid to say yes to something because I may get it wrong, I may not do it right, I gave up all of that I gave up the opinions of everyone in that time. And some of that's good. Some of it's not. But for me, it was really good because I was a people pleaser, and I needed to stop pleasing people, it got me to that place of the first attack with Ms. I wasn't managing my stress, I was enduring my stress. And just because somebody can carry it and look, the part on the outside does not mean that their body is not falling apart on the inside. And I didn't even know my body was falling apart on the inside until it just literally had to put its brakes on and hit me with a semi truck. That's how stubborn I am. I don't want anybody else to be that stubborn. I don't want anybody else to have to be that stubborn and still go full speed and to have to go through cancer and then come out of it still going full speed and then having what nothing could describe more as full on panic attacks and PTSD because I didn't know how to just be. I didn't know how to slow down, I didn't know how to stop. I didn't know how to just sit alone with my thought. And so started painting again. And I started painting my home because I knew that chaos swirling inside my brain meant chaos was probably pretty evident to those who were around me. And so there's no better way to stop the chaos and to create peace. And for me that's creating my home. And I didn't know that we were only going to be there for a very short time God did. He gave us that awful foreclosure. Because it was the only way we were going to have the money to move back here to another awful wasn't quite foreclosed. But it definitely needed a lot of work. And it's been a place that I've been able to create home again, and be alone with my thoughts and continue as I say yes, and rise to the occasion. And of what that yes, maybe and to keep my hand stretched out to his because I know that he's there with me. And just allowing him to lead and listening and knowing that even if I say yes to the wrong thing he'll read or at best Surrey or a tomtom you've ever had any. He'll just keep reminding me of how far I've come and things that just fit now that are getting me into that room where those windows were in those hearts were where I was helping people know that God is not God, we have put in a box and tied that bow of fear or tied that bill of rules or tied that bow of systems. And that that is what Jesus actually came down from heaven, to break in the faces of all those who knew every word, every pretty word, but didn't know what holy was. And didn't know that the fear that we're speaking of isn't fear as in being scared, it's a holy reverence for our Creator, that he is an artist, as a poet, he is all things that are grace and love. And sometimes, because there's a group of elitist that think that they know it all, and have it all. He has to rise up some misfits, and he has to use people that others would deem unworthy to go into spaces to reach the hearts of others. And it happens through suffering. And it happens, the brokenness, it's more than the resurrection, it's supposed to be every day, it's supposed to be knowing that his death was so that he could be our advocate so that he could be alive inside us, to give us his power to give us his love. And when you know him, you are changed. And there is a natural overflow that comes from you, that wants nothing more than to give grace to someone else in the middle of their journey and allow them that wrestling to find their way. Again, this whole cancer journey has been that for me, it has been a way for me to fully embody his coming, His death and His resurrection inside of me and to know that I don't have to have it all together to know that I don't have to have all the right words that I can struggle with finding those words, but it's not my words. It's my actions. It's my heart and you can hear it in my voice. You can see it in my face. And you can know that there is nothing more genuine and that I absolutely 100% mean it when I say that he loves you. He loves you whether you're struggling with your identity He loves you, no matter what color you are, we learned to sing that when we're young. And then when we get old and cynical and self righteous, we don't offer grace, we offer rules and religion, and he will have nothing of it. I may be 100% wrong on a lot of things. But I am willing to be 100% wrong when I say that he loves you, instead of saying you need to come and repent. Because when I was reading this last week, before Easter, and Second Peter, and one of my greatest tools has been this gift of my husband's father. And I ordered the full set because I was missing a couple of the books. And it's from a T. Robertson, and he is a word geek. He loves grammar as much as I do. And I think that that's amazing. I think I would have been his friend way back in the 1800s. But in these books, they're word pictures for the New Testament. And there's very little commentary in it. But the Greek is written and it's original. And one of the verses said to come, we've added to repent, and here's what I want to say He is the WAY the TRUTH and the lie there is absolutely no what to come and to repent unless you're already a believer, and you understand that if you are not, or if you are even because some of the things that people are asking people to repent from, I'm not so sure are wrong. And there is fruit that is coming from people who want under percent love Jesus and 100% you say around and the hatred and judgment that comes from pointed fingers, and the name of Jesus and love, by the way, that is not love that is not love, the word was just come. He's asking us to just come to just come and be who we are with him and let him do the rest. The only way that we change, the only way that our children change is by following by example. And we know that and we see it and that same truth has got to be afforded to God when we come to him with a heart that just wants a relationship with him that's willing to listen to him that's willing to give him our everything he takes care of the rest. It's not for you or I to take care of and I know this was an episode on healing, and I went into a sermon, but I just want to encourage you as you seek through healing physically and emotionally and mentally, that you allow room for God to do the rest. 

42:29  
Thank you so much for joining me today.

42:31  
Share it with your friends or share it with a loved one who's going through their own battle in their own journey of healing through cancer and all that comes with it. Click subscribe wherever you're listening. I will be back with a little more next reading. Friends thank you for spending time with me today. I hope that you enjoyed today's episode. I hope that you will leave encouraged and inspired and do the same for someone else. If you haven't already, I hope that you'll subscribe and I love to connect. So let's be friends on Instagram or Facebook. You can find me at curated souls by Lori Young. I'm also on Pinterest where you can find tons of inspiration. My handle is  @LoriY. Until next time

Transcribed by https://otter.ai