Looking into the Comparison Game.

Welcome to another episode of Curated Souls with Lori Young. I am so glad that you are here today. And if you haven't listened in before I hope that you will take a listen into the previous episodes.

Today we are looking into the Comparison Game. We all do it- there is no one excluded. It's a part of our nature as much as it is to breathe in and out. It's what we do with how we feel when we are in the moment that matters most. 

 My comparison game was always strong!! I am one of the rare birds, I suppose, who used it as a resolve to improve myself or "not going to do/be" this game.

My envy or jealousy didn't center around looks, material things, or knowledge. But rather around the need for deeper stability within my family or home.

As a child, my friends that had always grown up in the same place. We moved all the time. I couldn't imagine the comfort of knowing you just were "home." Or the having a set of parents that had always been married. I didn't ease into the idea of trusting that any relationship would last.
I had internalized from a hard life of what I call "before 9"- that the world would indeed hurt me and there was no one to trust. Especially men.

Comparison is hard.

I have spent the better part of the last 8-9 years speaking on it. Especially with a daughter who has really struggled with it. And with this new generation of access to what everyone is doing and how they look while doing it- be it a highlight reel or not.. this is a game that cannot be avoided. But we do have a choice in how we respond to what we feel when we compare. And that is a muscle like all others that has to be trained and strengthened over time.

This is an episode that I get vulnerable- as an 8 on the Ennegram, you must know how hard that is for me. Listening to the new book from Ian Cron will give you great insight into the story of each ennegram type- "The Story of You"

We will talk about the ways I learned to stop holding back and to Show up in every single moment like you were meant to be there.  I admit this confidence is off putting to some BUT it has little do with you. There will always be a reason for someone to not like you, and you are your worst critic so you know that inside and out.
But friends, there is an abundance of life and resources out there in this big ol' universe.
& It is waiting for you to feel all your feels
So That,  you CAN - LIVE, SOAR, RISE
Taking hold of all that is available to and for you!!


Please hit subscribe and leave me a review - I'd beg for 5 stars but I want you to be honest so I can grow and learn too!! share this episode if you feel it would help someone right where they are!!

Let's all Love a little more, be a little kinder and mostly offer that to yourself with a grace that meets you in a place of hope for tomorrow!! Love you much!!


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Transcript

0:01  
Hello, Friends, welcome back. This is Lori, your host of Curated Souls. And I am so glad that you are here today. Last week, and the week before, we talked a little bit about my breast cancer journey. And this week, it's kind of like I'm breaking all the molds right now, I'm hoping that you've listened to the real me, and you've gotten kind of an idea of who I am, what I'm about. And we're gonna dig in now, everything's unveiled. 

0:34  
So that being said, this week, I really want to talk about envy, jealousy, and just that need to be right. So before we get started, I should probably give you maybe a deeper glimpse into me, I am absolutely enthralled with the Enneagram. I do love it. I think that of all the different personality tests, it is the one that gives us kind of the most explanation of our stories and kind of what makes us I love it. And we dug into it during COVID. And quarantine, I don't suggest that that's the best time. Because I said before, it kind of lands, you being an eight, you and all the information that's out there is mostly negative, you know, it's all the negative traits are the stressors on the numbers, and very few people look at it from like kind of an evolved and healthy state. So when you're first learning about it, you're learning all the flaws, and all the things like that. So you know, my husband's a three, he's a performer, he can chameleon and do what he needs to do for the right audience. But that's not all he is. My sons are twos, I actually think that one of them is a nine, because he kind of had to grow up being a peacemaker, with some of the things that were going on inside our home. And your childhood does tell you a lot about what you are. I am an eight, but I don't believe that I always was an eight, I think that I was made into an eighth one that is a very strong advocate and will jump in and fight for the underdog every single time. But that wasn't always who I am, or who I was. A lot of people when they first meet me actually think I am a two or three. Because I am motor driven, which is totally my ADHD. It's my superpower. And I will give you the shirt off my back if needed. Because I see needs I made them. And it isn't because I need that. It's because I see the need and it's the right thing to do. And so when I'm fighting for the right thing, I sometimes even question you know, am I won, but then I just listen to this most incredible book. And I highly suggest it I love Ian Cron. He's the test that I took. When I was first investigating all of this, I made my husband take it and my now 18 year old take it but he was only 16 at the time. And we were kind of having some struggles as everyone was during COVID when it first happened, you all of a sudden, are in and we had a big house. But we were all of a sudden kind of just thrown into everyone's spaces, and there was no room to stretch or to remove yourself. And so learning what made people tick a little bit deeper, was good and bad. But it was mostly fun. And so my stressor is absolutely a five I do withdrawal. I think that as a kid, I was probably the five. I loved encyclopedias. I loved researching facts and knowledge because it came from a place of needing facts and knowledge over embellished stories. And so all of that has been kind of fun learning and diving a little deeper, especially with a lens of faith which Ian cron gifts. I had no idea like his resume, if you will. So when I was listening to it, this last weekend on my way to Oklahoma, I listened to it on the plane and it's called The Story of You. And it goes through all the different types and kind of gives you this acronym of soar, where you're seeking and you're owning and you're awakening and rewriting your story, which has been the process that I have been in for Probably the last four years. So it's been, I'm glad that I listened to it now where I'm at a place where I can kind of receive it all. And so that was really good. But knowing that, I hope you know that this comes out of that place. Because I wasn't always, as he puts it evolved or healthy in that sense. And the queen of ruminating and some of that ruminating comes from comparison, friends, we all do it, we compare every last detail, some of us do it in different ways. I think that, because of my story, and my childhood, I have three phases of life I have before nine, because that's when my mom married her third husband, who, for the bulk of my childhood was my dad, they were married for 21 years, I believe. So before nine. And I have before my husband, who is my second husband, and there was a period of seven to eight years where I was married. And that was a really hard time. And that's kind of been extracted out of my story for the sake of my children, I have two children from that marriage. And a lot of it has from just, you know, that's part of their story too. And when they get permission to really delve in and talk about that I will. So I have that. And then I have before cancer, there's a lot of story within me, that creates the story of me. But a lot of it is built upon the before nine. 

6:50  
So my comparison game was strong. But my comparison game doesn't come from the same place that most people's come from, I internalized very young that the world was absolutely going to hurt me. And it was absolutely not to be trusted. So the thing was that I was seeking out or stability, just really needing to know that there were going to be men in my life, that wouldn't hurt me, that wouldn't take advantage. And that family really was a safe place. So very early growing up, a lot of my friends didn't. And we moved so many times. So I was always that new girl. And in that I it's kind of funny. I think that I crave stability. But if something wasn't going right, I could always recreate. So I've always been the one who rewrites her story like that resolved that I made that I wasn't going to let life hurt me, or I wasn't going to let anyone else hurt me or let anyone in. Some of it comes from well, if I get too close, we're gonna move again. Or if I get too close, well, they take advantage of that. And there was always when we moved and we were, you know, in a new place, the things that I was seeking out was watching my friends, watching how they interacted with their parents. Everybody had been in their house forever. I never knew that. I mean, there was something that I couldn't even begin to understand. A lot of my friends after nine are the friends that I still have to this day and I love dearly, but they didn't even know that my dad wasn't my dad, a he always treated me as though I was his. And I was never called a stepchild. Those years were the ones that brought hope and started to build this idea that people could be trusted, that life wasn't always going to be a mystery of waiting for something to tick, tick, tick boom, her around the corner. And I really began to see the idea of comparison at that time, because my life looks so different from others, but I wasn't comparing how someone looked or the things that they had, or how smart they were or oh, they can run faster than me or you know, things like that. Because I internalize that the world was against me. I created this very extroverted, happy, and shield that said, nobody could hurt me. But it can. It was who I was. I mean, I don't even think I knew I was creating this until thinking about it and looking back, but I was very outgoing. I was very social. I mean, report card always said she talks too much. Because I had a thirst for knowledge and facts. I was smart. I was told by my, I think it was eighth grade. I wish I could remember their name. But it was told by my eighth grade history teacher, you are this smartest, airhead I have ever met. Who says. And obviously I internalize that because I still remember it. But I was that blonde, who really knew her stuff. And I prided myself on that. And it was also almost like a qualifier, if you will, for me, the things I was jealous about, were not what typical kids were jealous about. And I know my dad would probably think that, you know, the Material Girl, Madonna herself. Yes, I did think I was gonna grow up to be like her. But the things that you know, I was jealous of, we're not somebody's latest genes that I didn't have, although probably some degree there that was there. But not like the jealousy of someone's family, by just how long people's parents had been married, and how long they'd lived in their home or been in a certain place it was, those were the things that I was jealous of. So that resolve created this girl, and it is still who I am happy, strong, resilient. I can make friends wherever I go. And I have learned internally how to not be jealous because I have watched as a child. And I mean this with the most respect to my mother, but I watched some of her jealousy creates some chaos within our home, create fights and tension between my mom and my dad, because she had friends who had more. And some of it came from just her marrying my dad, it was the first time that she had more than what she'd ever had before. And so there was probably this fear of maybe it going away. And I found that interesting. Because before I started this, I looked up the definitions for in the and jealousy. Because we're always told that, you know, coveting and being in the US is a sin. And I think that that's because when you think about envy, you think about that green eyed monster, and I'm wearing a green dress, on purpose, by the way. So jealousy is the same way. And we use them interchangeably, but they're really not the same. Because in the creates grudges, creates ill thoughts, malice, and really holds a level of hatred for someone, and we're jealousy.

13:35  
I don't know, I think about I think I've not. I think I think about jealousy. Like I think about fear. There's a healthy level of fear that allows us to change that allows us to move into a state of courage and bravery, that we wouldn't even know we needed to move into if we weren't allowing ourselves that time to think about it. And so, I've always allowed myself to have those thoughts. I'm a thinker. And so I know that envy, what it looks like, I've seen it in people where you do mean spirited things, because you want what they have, or you fear that they're going to take from you what you have, I've experienced that as an adult. And it's a pretty ugly story. And we'll see if I move into it or not. But then jealousy. I feel like there's this healthy level of jealousy. Because in order to want more, you have to know what's available, and you have to know that it's out there for you. And I think you're in one of two states when that is the case because you either believe that or fear that if someone else has it, you're not going to be able to have it and so you are Hurry from a fear of that jealousy is taking away from you. There's not enough resources, there's not enough things in this universe for you. So scarcity, or you operate from knowing that God has an abundance for everyone, and there's nothing that someone else can take from you, that's yours. And so I've used jealousy in my life as a way to propel me into going after and getting what I want, or taboo what I deserve. And I think that's the difference in the comparison game that I have. So I think that my comparison game could probably be strong, there is no one on this earth that does not compare themselves. We don't know how not to it is just, it's just who we are we do we end that comparison can either move you into new territory, or it can hold you back and keep you stuck, where you're constantly thinking, this world is against you, and you're not going to get what you want. And all of those thoughts and negativity that just starts ruminating, and then you start to dwelling in it, and it just becomes this ugly thing. There's no need for that, when you know that there is plenty for all, there's room for all, you know, when I first started kind of really digging in to Scripture and really diving into I don't know those Christian circles. And there was this whole idea or mantra that there's always room at the table. But the thing that I was seeing was there really wasn't room at the table. It because there was so much comparison happening. Because the example that I'll I will go ahead and share is being that new girl in town, it was like entering into this click different stages of my life that looked differently. Seattle was great. That was very welcoming. It was very inclusive. And it was fun. I mean, it was just community. Texas wasn't that bad, either. Any mechanic was pretty good. I was that new girl who had a baby. And so that baby had special needs. And that special needs community that I became a part of was amazing. And it still is. But when we moved out to this little small town where the people came back, and that kind of elevated their status because they came back and there wasn't really a middle class, I would I guess you would say there was kind of this, you made it, or you did. And I hated that. That wasn't who I was. And that seemed like I was walking kind of into a party without an invitation. We were those people that lived in that house. That wasn't who I was either. And I really was that that girl who had read interrupted by Jen Hatmaker. And I really had a heart for loving people, and fighting for the marginalized and the underdog. And I've always been that person. And I've always had a child who allowed me to be that person. Because when I fought for Brooke, you know, in IEPs, I wasn't just fighting for her. And when I fought for me, in our IPs, I wasn't just fighting for her. There are a lot of people out there that don't know how to fight for their kids. Don't know that certain things can be asked for for their children. And I don't mind fighting for everybody. Some people don't ask you to fight for them. Some people don't want you to fix things. And that was a hard lesson because before cancer, I was absolutely still a fixer. I needed to be because I had a daughter who was fighting through some very hard mental and emotional years. And the idea of comparison was really strong for her. So my childhood set me up in a place where I could model out to my daughter. She had a very hard comparison game because I'm why my daughter's mixed. She was never black enough. She spoke to well is what some people told her she dressed like a white girl. There were a lot of negative things. And we went from a place in Seattle where they made up the 3% I'll be honest, but they were always welcomed and color was never a part of how they were treated was never a part of how they were taught. And so some of that may have been the community that we Were in and some of that may have not set them up well for later in life, I'll be honest with you on that as well. And that'll be future episodes. But when we moved to Texas, and our neighborhood was bused across town, and theirs was best into ours, my children were quickly thrusted into diversity, as I'm air quoting, here, diversity as they justified the whole busing thing, and my son's an athlete, he fit right in, he did well, my daughter did not, because the kids were rather mean to her. And the addition to that she also had a learning disability. And we knew that there were some things going on, but we couldn't get a diagnosis. And so socially, she was very less mature than the kids. And they took advantage of that. And a lot of bullying happened over that. And that led her to being so jealous of her friends, and how they got along with everybody else and how they were included and how she was pushed out. And that amplified all the way into high school. And that is part of what led to her suicide attempt. So I am passionate about jealousy and envy and comparison and how it has to get squashed. And it has to get squashed so young, because our kids are watching every single thing we do. They're watching the way we internalize how someone treats us. They're watching how we treat someone back and how I tried to treat everyone else. And how I was treated was always, you know, kind of a juxtaposition for my daughter because there was part of her that was like, why are you letting them treat you like that? Well, because it's more about them than it is about me. Because in that strong resolve that I created. I had two states, I was always painting furniture. So I lived in T shirts and yoga pants, baseball cap, sometimes ponytail most of the time, no makeup other than mascara and some blush. And so I looked either like I was rolling straight out of bed, or going on a date night, because that's the only time I ever got dressed up. I know when I picked me up from preschool some days, they were like, I wonder what she painted today.

22:39  
I'm hoping that's what they were saying. Because most of the time I bet they thought wow, what did she do? Yeah, I either looked homeless, or I looked like I might be your friend. I mean, that's the way it rolled. And I didn't, I wasn't bothered by that. I wasn't out to impress anybody. I wasn't out for applause. I didn't fear what you thought of me. That's just who I became. And that didn't really play out well for me, because in that was a competence. And that competence was used against me a lot of times, and I have been just still to this day. This last year has been the hardest because we moved back to an area in Phoenix where the people saw me bald, they knew I went through cancer, they knew that I struggled immensely. And yet, I came back and I was stronger. And I had hair again. And I'm too pretty. I'm too blonde. I'm too tall. I don't know what I've had all kinds of experiences. I've been called a spiritual giant because my faith is so strong and because I know too much. And that's where the eight really the negative traits of that really come in. And it's very off putting. But it's also very off putting that people think that because the people who know know me, they know that I am so afraid to be vulnerable in front of anyone. I never told my story as a kid. Most of my friends are learning it now. And that's kind of scary because the one thing I fear is what people will think of me because of my past or because of you know, what was dealt to me. And a lot of that comes from a level of hurt that I experienced after my first marriage ended because that there was four pastors that showed up at my door and said that they needed to release my name of their roles, because I was getting a divorce from my husband. And that was just like, so sinful. And that this is, I mean, it's really hard not to go into details on that. But the friends, I had to give up the right, to be heard, to be seen to know the details to be to be right, I had to give that up. And that came from a fairy heart hard place, because needing to be right causes so many, so many, so many fights. And I mean, we're living that out in the world today. But they didn't know the abuse that I had suffered, because I hid it for so many years, because I was embarrassed by it. Because I didn't want to become my mom and get a divorce. I mean, that was it. So I allowed so many things to continue to go on and on and on, until my kids started seeing it, and I couldn't hide it anymore. And it was really going to damage them. And then I thought this is stupid, this is stupid, it good and loving God would not want this. And I'm not going to let the fear of someone else's opinion of me, tell me that I need to stay in this because I'm being hurt. And I'm being hurt physically, sexually, emotionally. And I can't do this anymore. And so leaving came from a fear, and honestly an envy of watching or not even an envy but the jealousy of watching many of my married friends in a loving and wonderful relationship and knowing I deserve that too. And even if everybody else thinks that that's what I'm in right now. I can't, I can't keep doing this. So there is that healthy level of fear and jealousy that will move you and propel you into a state of life that you honestly can believe in and you deserve.

27:26  
And I hope that that came across the right way. You know, I remember me. And that was kind of cheesy that I think that it was something that really showed up in my seat at the right time. And it said, I used to walk into a room full of people and wonder if they liked me. And now I look around. And I wonder if I like them. And that was where I was at about. I don't know, eight or nine years ago, I finally was confident in my own skin. It didn't matter what I weighed, it didn't matter what I look like, it didn't matter how much money I had in my bank, or what size house I had or what car I was driving, none of that mattered. And I realized that I had become that girl that I knew I would become one day and I was finally her. And I loved me. And I was on this a full on mission to look in the room wherever I went and see if I could find the younger me that misfit, the one that really looked like she didn't have social anxiety. But Lord was she just on easy being there. And I wanted to reach out to that person. I wanted to love her. I wanted to show her what she could be. And so in that when we moved to that little tiny town in Texas, I became friends with someone and I had every reason in my spirit in my body not to I had all the red flags, but that fixer in may recognize something in her and I thought I could help and she wasn't ready for help. But she also saw me as a threat. She's the one that called me the spiritual giant. She's also the one that tried to trash my name. Because that's what hurt people do they trash other people, but we were doing this study and our threads were really pretty much the same. We had a lot of same sufferings. But what I noticed was in my effort not to compare I was seeing more and more of the way others were comparing themselves to me, and I hated it. It was I didn't like that at all. And I would try very hard to help reframe things. That's where that started happening where I was trying to read frame perspectives for other people. I've always been doing that for my daughter. And I thought that this would help with her. And in that there was just something, you know, I could feel God taking my furniture business and kind of pulling it back. And I remember saying that to her, and I remember her, I remember exactly where we were walking from the barn to my house and her saying, God would never take away anything that you love. And that was like, Are you serious? Like,yeah, He will, He's jealous for our attention. And it was just, every time I would reframe things, and, you know, counter back, it became very evident to me that this was not, this was not working. And that is when that strengthening of needing to be right, needed to die. And that became my cross. Because I knew that my need to be right on was so big. And that was going to be what God was going to really grow me and teach me and show me that I had a whole ton of pride wrapped up in that knowledge, and it was time to take that mad game of discernment I had, and that mad game of needing to be right. And let it all die. The discernment still there that need to be right, not so much. Because what I realized is that in my need to be right, I was robbing other people of the ability to know that they were wrong. Because when we think we're right, we fight hard. And we fight long. And we fight, fight, fight, fight, fight. Sometimes we don't even listen, we want to listen for breath, instead of listening to what they're saying. And I've really developed that listening ear, in an effort to not be right. I've kind of built a mantra that when I know, I'm going into the presence of somebody that absolutely is I know it all or, and they're fun, because I'm an eight.

32:22  
And I've loved to argue I can do it. Well, I really wanted to be a lawyer, when I first got out of school, that was what I was going to do, they can really hurt people in trying to be right. And that's not nice. That's not fun. That's not loving, it's anything but and so when I go into a place where I know that there's going to be that, I have to tell myself, I have to give myself a pep talk. Laurie, you do not need to be right, it does not matter do not engage, this is an opportunity for you to hear why they think they're right. And for you to offer some grace. And if it's something that is fire, flood, or blood, I can't remember whose teacher used to say that, but even had a teacher that said, Don't come to me unless it's fire, flood or blood. That's where I, that's where I go to, like, do not engage, just let them be right. Because sometimes we all have to experience something in order to turn knowledge into wisdom. And I that's how I learned that's I'm very experiential, and I want others to experience that. Now. I can listen, I can have some empathy for whatever. And you know what, most of the time I learn something new. And I learn why they got to where they are, and I allow for their past to bring us into that present conversation. And in doing that, reconciling with my mom a couple of years ago was just that reconciling and just kind of laying the past to the past and trying to move forward. But now, because I've built this muscle of not needing to be right, and also trying to build a muscle of not only receiving grace, but not me not only offering grace, but receiving grace, because we actually offer more grace when we learn how to receive it better. I now know that that conversation my mom and I had just this last weekend when she looked at me and she said I just did the best I could with what I had and what I knew. I knew that was true. I all of a sudden knew that was true. Is my story and my past and some of the trauma that I've experienced true 100% But did my mom have a hard childhood? Did my mom experience some past hurt? It's along her 60 plus years of life 100%. And that grace that I want and the love that I need, and that, oh, just everything that I need is the same thing that she needs. And I have to afford that to her in a way that I've never done. Never. And I'm 49. And so that let go of a lot of, that's where true forgiveness really sits. And that has been an ongoing thing. For years now. I mean, years, at least 20. And it's just a beautiful place to be. And it comes from not needing to be right. And it comes from all of that life that was hard. And all the different ways that I internalized it, a lot of the ways that I externalize it. And it's kind of a wonderful thing, it's allowed me to show up in every single moment of like, I was meant to be there. And there are going to be people in this life with that. Don't like you, but there's gonna be people in your life that don't like you for any and every reason that has nothing to do with you. It's for how they are showing up in their lives, and what they're bringing with it. And you have nothing to do with that. The sooner that we understand that, the sooner that we offer grace, and not like the doormat kind of grace, because I'm gonna be honest, is showing up in every single moment like you're meant to be there, it can be really off putting for some people, because they don't believe that they're supposed to be where they're at, no matter what you do. And I've learned that in this last one year, bigger than ever, I have watched a lot of pain and hurt happen. Because showing up here in this place. Again, I've had really mean spirited women. And a lot of it is jealous of my son's abilities and the way that they caused harm to him during this last season. And I will talk about that in more depth probably one day, because as soon as it doesn't end cannot cause more harm, I will definitely want to speak on this because it's it's awful, the way we treat people. But even right down to people that are close to us that say things in a manner that comes from the way that they feel about themselves. It really has nothing to do with me. And I have to tell myself, and it doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt. Because part of the reason that I have drawn that is to make others comfortable. And that has to end. Because there is a whole universe out there that is full of God's greatness in goodness, that is for me. And I'm holding back to make other people comfortable. Because when my son is told, Oh, I see where you're where you get your good looks. And other people say, Yeah, you see her other one too tall, blonde, good looking,

38:35  
just runs in the family. But it comes from a place of jealousy. That's not a compliment. And that's not that's not good for their psyche, but it still hurts me. Like it's still hurts me. So I don't know what else to do in this life, but to like, show up? I don't know, looking like I did when I was painting furniture all the time. And there are days that I do. But why? It's the same thing when I walked into my neurologist and he said I presented to Well, well, I refuse to show up feeling the way that I do. That's why I made cancer look bad. That's why I make ms look bad. But you don't get to see the scars that I have the life that I lived that brought me to this place. And I don't think I'm some supermodel babe, by any means. And I'm not going to call myself ugly either, because I know that God makes no mistakes. And if he calls me beautiful and worthy and a masterpiece, and I'm his temple and I'm his image bearer, then I have to believe those things about myself for myself, which is why I have been on this holy passion to help others believe that as well. It has to start with our youth. And I know that because when you get to an age that is mine, or even a little bit younger that believes that they're defective, or they've got body image issues, I was bulimic. From the time I was 18 till 23. All because I was no longer that seventh, or eighth grader who was a seventh or eighth grader, by the way. And I have always been tall and skinny, we moved to Louisiana, and my mom,I learned how to cook some good rue bodied food.

40:42  
And I loved it. And I grew. And then I became sort of a woman. And I was a size, I believe, nine at the time, but I wasn't that little kid, either anymore. And so when someone had come and visited me when we finally moved to Oklahoma, from Seattle, and he didn't like me anymore, because I wasn't that small girl. That created some real deep seated problems for me, because I had never had them before. I never had body issues before, where I was not big. Apparently, I wasn't little. And it turned into over working out, I became obsessed with walking and working out. And I was introduced to that little bottle of IP attack. And it became a problem because I couldn't shut it off. And I couldn't drink water for about, I don't know, 1012 years, because every time I drank too much water, it caused a gag reflex that made me throw up. So I have had many, many issues along the way with weight. And it wasn't until we moved out to that little area that I finally said, this is enough, you know, my mom diet a lot. Diet Coke was, was my water for years. I just couldn't do it anymore. Because I knew that, you know, I'm called to be an image bearer. I'm called to believe these things that God says about me. And food is not my emotional sidekick. And it can't serve and fill the places that stress that I'm living in raising a daughter that has some intense emotions, and another daughter that needs to be driven to therapy for speech and occupational and physical. You know, we're always in therapy. And so I was always in this hurried state of bad habits. And so when I started to take my health seriously, it all just fell off. That's what I was when I grew up. I had a friend and middle school she was little Laurie. And I was tall. Laurie, her dad called me an Amazon. And so I always thought that was just so crazy, because I think of Amazon's and I think of wide and I was just tall. But I and my brother's tall and my biological dad is tall and my grandpa was tall, and everybody's just so tall. So it's just who we are. And, oh, it's just crazy that ideas that people have about others, if that person is pretty, and they can carry off that natural state and have a confidence about it. They must just be uptight, and you know, egotistical or whatever. And I just never looked at people that way i And when I think about that someone else may be internalizing that, because of how I look. Or because of the car I drive or the house I live in, I just think maybe I'm robbing someone else who's just like me the opportunity to either go after and get what they want, and know that it's possible, or improve upon themselves, or whatever it is that they need to do. I'm either going to rob myself, or I'm gonna rob someone else. And either one of those. Someone's not gonna like me. So I gave up the need to be right and the need to be like, sometimes it's a lonely life, I'm not gonna lie. We are, we're in a new place again, and coming out of COVID trying to fit in is not my game. There are people that will have beliefs that don't align with mine. And as long as it's not hurting someone else, I'm all in there will be people that don't like me for my beliefs, and I'm not going to force you. 

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 So I just thought Today's episode would be a great thing to listen to. And maybe you'll ponder your own ideas of what other people are going through, and the idea of affording some grace. And maybe it's a little bit of an encouragement to you to know that there are things out there for you that no one else can take away, that are just for you. You need to buckle up, focus in and go after it. Don't worry about what someone else thinks about you what someone else is going to say about you. Let them do them. And you just keep being your glorious, beautiful self. And I imagine that you might even soar a little higher and begin to enjoy life a little bit more, because that's all that we're trying to do. Get through this life, piece by piece. Love a little better, give a little more and be a little kinder to one another. Thank you so much for listening today. I hope that you will come back next week. I'm not quite sure what we'll talk about. But I'm thinking we might talk a little bit about resentment. See ya

Transcribed by https://otter.ai