First Cup of Coffee – August 19, 2026

I'm counting down the last few days of my 50s! Also, advice on not having the chops (yet) to execute an idea, thoughts (and history) on men taking up all the air in women-dominated spaces - especially during Romance events - and why it's an increasing problem that authors paying into events is the business model for so many of them.

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Thank you for listening! You all take care. 

Transcript

00:01.34
Jeffe Kennedy
Good morning, everyone This is Jeffe Kennedy. Also writing is Jennifer K. Lambert, author of Epic Fantasy Romance. I'm here with my first cup of coffee

00:15.78
Jeffe Kennedy
Hmm. Delicious. Today is Wednesday. August 19th. And. Counting down the days I have. um Three more days of my 50s.

00:31.11
Jeffe Kennedy
but It's been good. It's been good. I've been seeing some friends. for birthday celebrations. My birthday is actually Saturday. um And for those...

00:44.24
Jeffe Kennedy
who don't know everything about me already. I am turning 60 and so it's been a thing. Yeah. uh I think I generally okay with it it's just like It's a big milestone. um Kind of confusing how that happens.

01:00.39
Jeffe Kennedy
Yeah. But tonight we are having friends over. the delightful Minerva Spencer and Lord Brantly. and also Jim Sorensen.

01:13.10
Jeffe Kennedy
and Twig. So it should be a really nice gathering. One of my favorite things is to have dinner parties with friends so Very excited about that.

01:25.54
Jeffe Kennedy
I've also gotten... some lovely gifts and cards from people. I'm just like really touched. um even a little verklempt about it, right? Mary Robinette. Kawal sent me this super cute card.

01:44.23
Jeffe Kennedy
that says, it's your birthday, put on your party cat. It shows a woman with a cat cat on her head, which is very apropos between my cats and her Elsie.

01:55.38
Jeffe Kennedy
So isn't that adorable? And then look at this. Alinda sent me a copy of The Magic Garden. by Gene Stratton-Porter.

02:06.44
Jeffe Kennedy
who we had discussed a while back. and It's a beautiful addition. It is. Yeah.

02:16.97
Jeffe Kennedy
old Double J. First edition. And so. This is a gorgeous, gorgeous gift. and Thank you so much. i was really touched when I opened it. and um I fully intend to to read it sometime very soon.

02:37.61
Jeffe Kennedy
so um Yeah, it's just been... been delightful. So.

02:47.60
Jeffe Kennedy
I've been thinking a lot about... how, you know, Life moves on, right? Life changes and things are different. and and those And that's actually a good thing. i had An interesting insight.

03:05.73
Jeffe Kennedy
And I'm not sure that... It will translate well here. But I'm gonna try anyway. because I was thinking about change i was thinking about how change can be painful.

03:20.83
Jeffe Kennedy
And. Dad. looking back on really the last five years have been very difficult in many, many ways. And I am starting to be able to process things that happened and that changed for me in the last five years.

03:39.13
Jeffe Kennedy
and going through that is um, painful but also Good, good work, right? You know, because I'm in therapy now. And. and it's good to to excavate these things even though it It does.

03:55.61
Jeffe Kennedy
You know, it stretches you and it makes you kind of hurt. And I'm also looking towards the future and some of the things that are changing for me. and thinking about those and that that is also kind of painful.

04:10.33
Jeffe Kennedy
and In contrast, I've been focusing a whole lot on living in the moment, right? oh which is a very Taoist thing to do. and and in some ways very useful, right? You know, it's like...

04:27.22
Jeffe Kennedy
you And and you like even my yoga teacher will say this sometimes, you know, like you want to be. straight you know and you don't want to lean into the past or lean into the future you know you don't worry about the past you don't dwell on the past you don't anticipate the future. You live fully in the moment. And I do think there's a lot to be said for that. It's good to live. fully in the moment.

04:49.23
Jeffe Kennedy
But I think that also... See? aspects of the past and future that are painful. to process or to work through that that's valuable also.

05:07.09
Jeffe Kennedy
So maybe the middle path isn't just living in the moment but is. expanding to to all of those things

05:16.45
Jeffe Kennedy
There's your morning philosophy.

05:22.14
Jeffe Kennedy
um A few things I want to talk about. One thing is I wanted to talk about something that came up in my mentoring group. And I ended up typing out this advice.

05:36.80
Jeffe Kennedy
The mentoring group, by the way, is open to all It's my Patreon. You can be in there for like $5 and I answer questions. And we have conversations and other people offer good advice too. And it's it's a fun group. I really enjoy it. um,

05:56.90
Jeffe Kennedy
But I ended up writing out There's nothing wrong. and everything right. with realizing that you don't have the chops to write something yet.

06:08.90
Jeffe Kennedy
um And. This was in response to someone saying that they were revising a novel. that they were kind of wondering if they actually have the ability to write this the way they wanted to yet.

06:24.23
Jeffe Kennedy
And this has absolutely happened to me. my Second novel that I ever wrote. has remained unpublished. And. um And I still love this idea. I still want to write this book.

06:37.66
Jeffe Kennedy
I still want to get it out there someday. If I were... to redo this book. I would... actually rewrite it.

06:48.93
Jeffe Kennedy
um And this is something I've talked about before. is that it is always, always. It feels like it shouldn't be true. but it is easier to rewrite something entirely.

07:03.100
Jeffe Kennedy
than to try to rework something that's old and it seems counterintuitive because you think that you Don't want to waste all those words, you know, and that's like, oh it should be easier to retool It is not. It's actually harder to retool something.

07:19.35
Jeffe Kennedy
especially something that's been sitting for a really long time. um It's better to simply rewrite it. So were I to do this book...

07:30.46
Jeffe Kennedy
I would. Rewriting.

07:35.68
Jeffe Kennedy
There are reasons why. I haven't done it yet. I think I probably have the chops now. to redo it. But I did not have the chops then.

07:48.38
Jeffe Kennedy
the The book didn't work. for a lot of reasons. And I think that the primary reason was because I just didn't have the skill yet.

07:59.02
Jeffe Kennedy
two, Execute. This. complex idea.

08:06.03
Jeffe Kennedy
There were a number of layers to it. that simply took a lot to execute. And. Yeah, I just... um It wasn't there for me.

08:20.33
Jeffe Kennedy
I really... oh that I mentioned, I love this idea and I want to redo it. of But enough about me, because this isn't the point, right? The point is is that There's nothing wrong with recognizing this with getting partway into an idea Maybe one that you've had for a long time, something that you love and really want to write, and recognizing that you are not there yet.

08:47.30
Jeffe Kennedy
as far as your skill. and And that's actually very wise. it's a smart, place to be. because You know, I think we have this idea culturally that you should be able to do anything you know and if you just work at it hard enough you know keep plugging away that you'll be able to do the thing And it's...

09:14.91
Jeffe Kennedy
It's not necessarily true. Let me put it this way you might be able to do it. But you won't do it as well as you want to.

09:27.53
Jeffe Kennedy
so You know, and it's a funny thing because, like... If you're an athlete, if you're a basketball player, nobody tells you that you should try to I don't know be in Yeah. I fall down on sports metaphors. I shouldn't do them. Let's let's do music. Nobody tells you that you should audition.

09:49.67
Jeffe Kennedy
for the London Symphony Orchestra. if you do not yet know how to Well, I break down my music too. If you don't know how to play the full scales on your instrument.

10:02.78
Jeffe Kennedy
I would see you like with basketball that you're not going to try out for the pros or aspire to be on the pros if you don't have. a three-point shot, something like that, right? Fill in your metaphor of choice.

10:18.61
Jeffe Kennedy
you I mean, you can, you could try, but you're probably not going to make it. And that's the whole point that I am attempting to make here. is that you can Try to write something that you have this idea for. But if you recognize that you're not executing it the way that you want to,

10:36.56
Jeffe Kennedy
Set it aside. It's fine. It really is. and and that sort of segues into another piece of advice that I often give. to younger writers.

10:47.70
Jeffe Kennedy
and that I wish I had paid more attention to myself, which is the... Kiss. Right? Keep it simple, sister. I'm not going to ever call anyone stupid.

10:59.86
Jeffe Kennedy
Keep it simple. Because... I think we have this idea when we are starting to write that like the simple story isn't enough. Like, oh, well, I've got to add something. It's got to have a twist. It's got to have this or that. And Actually, it's much better to keep it pretty simple because you're writing your first books and you don't really know. what you're doing yet and so it's

11:27.37
Jeffe Kennedy
There's nothing wrong with keeping it easy on yourself, right? Yep. Keep it simple for yourself. There has been a bit of a brouhaha lately the the drama of the week in Romancelandia.

11:46.09
Jeffe Kennedy
I don't know if there's been one so far this week, but this was last week.

11:52.51
Jeffe Kennedy
And I'll sum up. I'm not going to go into details. Plenty of people have made comments about this. but there's apparently a a male influencer. whose initials actually stand for pretty boy. with Avatar initials, who Has a huge tick-tock following I want 300 ,000 people follow this guy And he was invited to an event.

12:20.75
Jeffe Kennedy
a book boyfriend event. And then it was discovered that he was charging authors. for him to read their books. um in the first place and then ah More to post. a review.

12:37.29
Jeffe Kennedy
And people were shocked and horrified by this, which is odd because... There are a number of TikTok influencers who have been charging authors for quite some time.

12:49.42
Jeffe Kennedy
but This was obnoxious. and He was disinvited from the event because people were upset. But then the event coordinators put up a GoFundMe to help recoup their costs because it turned out they were actually.

13:05.38
Jeffe Kennedy
paying this guy and his expenses to be at the event. And then people were very upset because all of these authors are paying to be there.

13:17.50
Jeffe Kennedy
and not paid to be there, but this influencer. It's a page. So there's a couple of levels to this. um And what is something that I talk about all the time?

13:29.48
Jeffe Kennedy
which is that this. Culture has sprung up. um it used to be not so bad. I think it's gotten a lot worse since the advent of self-publishing. And I do not blame self-publishing, but...

13:44.82
Jeffe Kennedy
i Because... full you know i i I self-publish also and, you know, I like selling books too. uh but the self publishing. ecosystem has created fertile ground for predators.

14:00.37
Jeffe Kennedy
for these people. um who put on events and charge authors to be there. And it's there's this irony to it because this guy is called a content creator, right? You know, and that's what we call people. and social media who create content but the authors are creating the actual content you know like books are are actually real and lasting content as opposed to a TikTok.

14:28.06
Jeffe Kennedy
um three minute spiel. Um.

14:34.20
Jeffe Kennedy
But the so the actual content creators the people that People are actually, the readers are coming to see, right? Theoretically. um are having to pay to be there and that's because that is how these events sustain themselves and how they make money. and i put up something a long time ago and I made a lot of people unhappy.

14:55.85
Jeffe Kennedy
by saying this, that I don't think that authors should have to pay to be. at events. um And. I try not to do it. um I do. Sometimes I go to Apollycon, which has gotten more expensive.

15:13.56
Jeffe Kennedy
um I'm probably going to RARE next year and um that what I had to pay for a table there. But overall,

15:25.55
Jeffe Kennedy
Considering that there are a lot of events, book festivals that... pay your travel, that give you an honorarium that provides your meals. um as opposed to these ones that are created CHEW!

15:40.57
Jeffe Kennedy
be profitable for the event organizers. And... There are many that... like people when they got upset with me and pushed back they said well that they wouldn't be able to put on the event if they didn't charge authors.

15:56.25
Jeffe Kennedy
more as much or more than attendees. And that's always been one of my bars is. does the Do the attendees have to pay? sorry do the authors have to pay more than the attendees to be at the event which means that to me it's a lopsided it means that's where the event is making their money is from the authors and theoretically the authors are supposed to be able to make their money back. by selling books but

16:24.25
Jeffe Kennedy
it's It's nearly impossible unless you are... in a certain I don't know. It would be interesting to know the percentage. But in the upper echelon, You are, or is it a shalom?

16:37.14
Jeffe Kennedy
It doesn't matter. The top tier, you are not... making enough money to cover everything, hotel travel costs. table feed. transport fees drainage fees all of this stuff it's expensive to attend events now I do it sometimes even though I have to pay because I think it's worthwhile. Sometimes it's because of the place I want to be. I get to see industry folks. We don't have that many opportunities anymore to see industry folks.

17:06.78
Jeffe Kennedy
and it's um It's good networking. I do think that there's very often not a direct return on investment. You're not going to make that money back. but very often the event you reach new readers and so it's worthwhile because you are increasing your reputation and you're meeting people. Some of it is fan service, you know, that getting a chance to see readers in parts of the country you don't normally see them.

17:36.30
Jeffe Kennedy
but Anyway, so... That's one problem, right, is that authors are having to pay to attend these events. And someone like this. pretty boy. Amen.

17:49.56
Jeffe Kennedy
Give me a break, right? uh,

17:54.41
Jeffe Kennedy
are going to these events and being paid to be there because Because there's a market for it, people. I mean, obviously they wouldn't pay this guy to be there if they didn't think that it was adding to the shine of their event. Right.

18:10.90
Jeffe Kennedy
and I've heard other stuff about this guy. I don't really know, but I've heard things that like he... He signs books of authors that he has helped promote because he says he's Make them be there.

18:24.78
Jeffe Kennedy
And. I think all of this stuff aside. And like I said, I don't know this guy. I've never seen one of his. videos. uh have.

18:35.88
Jeffe Kennedy
had the good luck that I've never run into him at an event, but I probably would have ignored him because And this has been part of the conversation that there is a very, very long history, especially in romance.

18:48.39
Jeffe Kennedy
of men or male presenting. figures. entering these spaces. and taking up a lot of the air.

18:59.33
Jeffe Kennedy
And... I know that this is because women have been programmed. relentlessly all our lives to give weight to male voices. But it is distressing. to watch it in action, to watch women gather around the lone man who's there.

19:18.67
Jeffe Kennedy
um especially someone like this. pretty boy who I'm sorry it's not. and Not to me, but you know. What what is my taste? Who cares?

19:32.55
Jeffe Kennedy
but fawning over him. And there has been this long history of this because I remember like at the, it was controversial then, you know, at the RT conferences back when we had those, they would invite the the male cover models to be there and they would have the cover model competition.

19:51.26
Jeffe Kennedy
And it created this bizarre behavior where women were like, roping these guys and fawning over them and they would have like the the fashion show kind of thing. And women would act like they would with male strippers, which has always been puzzling to me. I went to like one of those shows.

20:12.71
Jeffe Kennedy
I don't remember what it was called, but it was in Laramie, Wyoming. And like the the male dance troupe kind of thing came through and was at the bar. And my... Friends that I went with the girls the women um You know, these guys are like thrusting their groins in their faces and they're... acting like it's great. And it's like, normally you would never let this guy come close to you. So I don't know, a power thing or whatever.

20:38.17
Jeffe Kennedy
But anyway, these male models would be... not interesting human beings and you know full disclosure I'm a sapiosexual it's I really don't care that much what a guy looks like but I am very interested in his personality and his intelligence and so forth and these guys you know they don't have to be rocket scientists that's probably why they're cover models but also Hug. So one night,

21:05.13
Jeffe Kennedy
um at the RT conference. We're at a dinner and there's a bunch of us sitting at a table enjoying each other's company, authors. And. this one of the male models comes and sits at the table with us.

21:19.01
Jeffe Kennedy
uninvited um, and in fact resists our gentle suggestions that he leave. and he proceeds to campaign because he wants our votes for him. Yes. like the cover model winner.

21:32.66
Jeffe Kennedy
and He dominated the conversation. He overran us. um He... He made us miserable. and We finally had to. Maybe it was me because um' that's always me. but and outright asked him to leave and he was hurt and all this and it's like we're not here to pay attention to you and So this happens a lot in the romance spaces.

21:58.51
Jeffe Kennedy
And I won't go into it too much, but there was. A. Guy? Um. Thank you. will just come he who shall not be named and you own will know Who I mean, if you've been around. but gay men.

22:14.29
Jeffe Kennedy
who rose very high in RWA on the the board and so forth. And it was the same with him. that he would be at the conferences and women would just gather around him. He had a constant entourage. And everyone was like, oh, he's so great.

22:31.65
Jeffe Kennedy
and I never thought. He was great. And I've always felt very Emperor's New Clothes about this. And he Even asked me once we were at a smaller con together and at the bar and he asked me why it seemed like I didn't like him very much.

22:48.46
Jeffe Kennedy
And I had just enough to drink that I said, because you talk more than you listen. and you know, that was That was the end of that conversation. but that was That was how this person was. And he did. He talked a lot. And he clearly loved having this attention. And there's something about...

23:12.90
Jeffe Kennedy
a Man entering, and I'm just going to go with man and woman for simplicity's sake. but a man entering a woman-dominated space that he becomes a big fish in a small pond and you know. maybe a guy who otherwise would not be given that much attention.

23:33.43
Jeffe Kennedy
in male-dominated spaces. I don't know. but like they find these They're like little... I don't know, Predator's little... parasites that sort of find their way into this dense atmosphere and soak up the attention and find ways to leverage it.

23:51.34
Jeffe Kennedy
And it's um it's unfortunate, but also... It's only happening because we allow it. All of those people following his TikTok. That's... they're They're feeding this. The people who go to conferences because they want to see him and fawn over him. I don't know. It's part of the fantasy.

24:11.56
Jeffe Kennedy
I don't get it. read the books but You you can't simultaneously complain. that someone like this has this much power. and also gives them the power.

24:23.72
Jeffe Kennedy
And I think that that's just something, it's part of resisting the programming we've been. No. pounded with so to speak. uh but you know, let's let's try to find ways to not do this.

24:36.73
Jeffe Kennedy
there are certainly plenty of male authors or male presenting authors who are welcome in our spaces. um but they don't need to take up all the air. And on that note, I'm going to go get to work.

24:50.25
Jeffe Kennedy
I hope you all have a great week and I will talk to you all next week. You all take care. of Bye bye.