Episode 6 - The Three Types of Care & Why You Need All Three to Survive

Did you know most of us aren’t practicing self-care but another form of care? There are three types of care that support us thriving in life, love, and in our relationships.  In this week’s episode, Dorothy shares the three different types of care and how to apply them to your life to thrive. This episode is perfect for anyone wanting to maintain their self-care, or if they are feeling depleted or overwhelmed.  You need this episode! 

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Transcript

Hello, and welcome to Nantucket after dark, where we talk about relationships, love sex with spirit in the mix. I'm your hostess with the mostess, Dorothy Stover seventh-generation Nantucket, her love and pleasure teacher, founder of the Nantucket love school, where we focus on spirit and pleasure so that our students feel more loved in their lives.

I've been helping women transform their lives, feel empowered because I support students connecting their spirit, their intuitive selves, and how they can heal their bodies and their lives. I'm so glad you could join us. Let us dive into today's episode.
so let's get to it. I live and I love for this. So I'm going to share with you these three different types of care we need and how to apply them. So, first off self-care everyone pretty much knows this, right? Its self-care is this idea where we care for ourselves and maybe it involves a massage or maybe an involves, um, going for a walk or making sure we're eating really well.

What self-care truly is, is allowing us to maintain our full cup so that we can be there for ourselves and then be there for others. So self-care is the maintenance. It is not actually building yourself up, but it's maintaining that full cup. What a lot of people. Get confused with when they say I'm doing self-care, they're actually probably doing aftercare and aftercare is something where we go through something challenging traumatic crisis, where we are giving a lot of ourselves, or we felt vulnerable.

Aftercare is super important after sex. That was say vulnerable explorative or kink-related aftercare supports us, processing our emotions and filling our cups back up. So. When we are practicing aftercare, it's typically because we've gone through something and maybe we feel a little raw. Maybe we feel a little vulnerable or a lot very raw.

So it's important to practice aftercare to help fill our cups back up. So it's not maintenance. This is actually really building ourselves, really taking care of ourselves. So that we begin to really heal any wounds we heal, um, from any trauma we experienced, um, or even just allowing that salve to come through.

When we feel a little vulnerable feeling a little raw and to help heal community care is when we allow our community to care for them. We get to a point where we can't do it alone when we need help. When we need support such as with work, our home, our wellness basic needs. Mental health is a huge one.

Community care is huge for mental health, and there are so much more parts of our lives, where we need community. Think about community care is when you are overwhelmed, you need community care. When you're having a mental breakdown, you need community care. If your basic needs aren't being met, you need community care.

If you have an unexpected illness, you need community care. And Nantucket is we know the physical illness community. I mean, we know physical illness. Really well, we have some of the highest rates of cancer in Massachusetts. It's staggering, the difference, and we do truly come out and support each other.

You can 100% raise your hand. If you've ever made a meal if you've ever helped someone with their children if you've ever been to a fundraiser to support a community member, who's gone through an illness. That's what we Islanders do. There is no other community like Nantucket, and that is, it's just a truth like everywhere I've ever lived, it's not, it's so close-knit here in the sense we really do come out for each other.

We are a larger community now in the wintertime, um, the year-round community, if that's how the nature of the beast we're that's because people feel connected to it. We really do come out and support it. And you will, you still see it, even with the large community, we still come out for each other all the time.

We need these three times. Care to thrive in life. There are going to be times when our cup is full and we are in maintenance, self-care mode, and life is good. And we're just enjoying, just enjoying our bodies and enjoying our lives. And this is where we are able to give to others because our cups are full and perhaps they're even running over.

We just have so much energy. We just feel so good. Like we just want to keep getting Nan. We can come from that space of giving from spirit and from God, because. We feel good. Our cups are. There will also be times when we need to process and pull back from the world to practice aftercare. During this time, it's really important to not give much as yourself to others.

Um, have extremely clear boundaries and honor them. You may not even realize just how in need you are of your cup filling up, because if you've given from a less than full cup in the past or often, uh, it may seem normal for your cup to not be fulfilled. Which is often many of us, which can lead us to community care because then we're overwhelmed because we're caring for everybody else.

We're not caring for ourselves. And then that leads to illness that leads to overwhelm. And that leads to. Bringing in the community care. And there are times when we're going to be overwhelmed, we can do everything right. Life happens because that's life and everything's too much for us to handle. And that's when we need community care, community care means we will be receptive to receiving.

And if it's available to us asking for help, asking for help from our community, whatever that community looks like, maybe it's our family. Maybe it's our town. Maybe it's our church. Maybe it's, you know, some other entity within your country, but community care, you need to reach out. You need to ask for that help because community care is vital for surviving.

Now, if you practice these three different types of care and hold space for others to practice, you will see your life and the world transformed for the better. So how do we apply self-care, aftercare, and community care? When we are tuned in the spirit, we follow our intuition. You're able to ask yourself a few questions.

Do I need self-care in this moment? Or is it aftercare or community care I need right now? Am I feeling good? Am I in that maintenance mode or do I feel depleted or am I overwhelmed all too often? People think they are practicing self-care. When in reality, they are trying to fill their cups back up. They are overwhelmed and think that self-care is all they need to survive and get through the overwhelming time.

I can't stress enough how and about following it and allowing yourself to have boundaries and honoring. I can't stress enough that following your intuition and tapping into that intuition and following it will lead to great things. Boundaries are going to save you. Boundaries are going to get you to where you want to be faster.

Think of your energy as a beautiful open field. If you stay open, you could easily become lost, not knowing where your energy is going. It's just going everywhere. That huge open field it's endless, right? Your energy is going to go in all sorts of directions. But if you begin to map out your boundaries in your energy field, You'll notice the path becomes a Berry clear and the road to where you want your energy to flow, to becomes extremely clear and so much easier to this is what leads to balance and harmony in one's life.

The combination of intuition and boundaries. Here's another part of being in alignment with God, allowing yourself to give and to receive. It's a huge part. I can almost guarantee that those listening give more than what. So I know giving is easy for you. I don't have to go into, how can you give, what I do want to touch base on is probably something you do struggle with, which has received.

It's not easy to receive because there is this element too, of vulnerability. If we are receiving we're vulnerable, it's not easy to ask for help and vulnerability in our ancestors. Right. Our ancestors, when they were vulnerable, didn't last long. So we have this inherent part of our body that doesn't want to be vulnerable because we think we'll die or we'll be cast.

But that is the vulnerability is exactly how we are going to connect how we're going to thrive and how we're going to be strong. And so, yes, it is not easy to receive, but it is essential for thriving in life. If you feel you have to go and do whatever you're going through, go through whatever you're going through alone, please.

No, you don't. And if you don't know where to go for self-care, aftercare or community care, please reach out to me. I have a network. I may be able to point you in the right direction or give you some ideas, especially when it comes to boundaries, and listening to your intuition or a place where you can get a really good massage life is absolutely wonderful.

It's also super challenging and we are not meant to do everything on our own. We humans aren't built for it. We are social creatures. We need touch. We need kind words. We need encouragement. We need someone to say all is going to be okay. Are, would argue that these are also basic needs right next to the water, food and shelter.

We need connection and connection really thrives when we are vulnerable. When we feel safe, being vulnerable is usually when we are tapped into spirit. We trust spirit to guide us and connect us with those that are the highest outcome to connect with. Most people want to help. And if you don't ask for help, you are denying someone else.

The opportunity to be of service. My mom always said to me, if you want to make a friend, ask them for a favor. Another thing that comes to mind was when I was living in Florida and everything fell apart, I've had things fall apart. So often I'm, it's definitely something I'm like, okay, normal day, here we go.

Let's do this. And I was at this time though, I was young. I was not like, let's do this. I was crying on the phone with my mom and my mother. And, you know, I was saying to her, I'm like, I'm such a failure. I'm just crying. I'm just so disappointed in myself. And I've, you know, ruined everything and drama, drama, drama, cry.

To which my mom said, no, you're not. You just hit a bump in the road, come home and we will figure this out. And then it was in that moment, I realized how powerful the word we is, how we need each other. And we need someone else saying I got you. It's okay. If you're falling, I got you. These three types of care are so important.

And I'm asking you a favor, please put them into practice today and get back to me. How does your life transform? Maybe it's not today. Maybe it's a week. Maybe it's a month, but just let me know.
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Take a screenshot and tag me at Dorothy D Stover. They don't over on Instagram. It's a win-win because I'll make sure to share you with my community. Plus when you tag me, I'll send you a free gift because I like to do my best for spreading love around the world. Thank you for helping me do so until next time.

Peace, love, and hugs. Bye for now.