Nantucket After Dark
Nantucket After Dark
Ep 12. Q&A with Nora Costello, A Sacred Sexual Soul Student
To suffer in silence and alone when there’s a group of people that won’t judge you and are on a similar journey as you are transformative and allows us the space to show up in life with courage and safety. Nora Costello shares this and more on her experience within the Sacred Sexual Women’s Circle, now the Sacred Sexual Soul Series, in today’s episode.
You’re not alone. You’re not weird. Pleasure is your birthright.
The Sacred Sexual Women’s Circle has transformed to the Sacred Sexual Soul Series, where all genders are welcome. There still will be a women’s circle, as well as a group for males and a circle for all. Learn more and join us here >>> https://nantucketloveschool.com/sacredsexualsoulseries
Connect with Nora over on Instagram here >>> https://www.instagram.com/theawakeoasis/
Questions, feedback, or praise, email Dorothy at dorothy@dorothydstover.com
Sacred Sexual Soul Series.
Email for questions, feedback, or supportive words - dorothy@dorothydstover.com
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Dorothy: Okay, cool. all on the Internet. it's like nora costell but it's Costello So Thank you, Nora, for coming and chatting with me today.
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So we are going to talk about your experience with the sacred sexual woman circle. Thank you.
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This is Nora Costello of awake oasis i'm so excited.
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Nora: Thank you so much for having me
Dorothy: so i'll do a couple of questions.
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The first questions, you know, just as we're just gonna jump right on in before
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You join the sacred sexual woman circle? Did you have any challenges beforehand?
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Nora: Oh, my gosh! hi! so many challenges! I think before I started really working with you, I just felt a huge block with everything, with my partner and with myself.
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And now, moving through this, I understand like there is a pleasure block, and it was hard to receive, and anything I wanted to do.
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My partner just felt like a chore so I wasn't having any fun, and I wasn't connecting and I didn't feel really fulfilled in that sense.
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So I mean, I had so now that I see ads so many challenges.
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But essentially it was just feeling like everything was a chore, and not having those boundaries to really feel like I could say no.
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And so then that had a lot of guilt, of like oh, I don't want to do this, but now I feel guilty for not doing this, because you know, I need to please my partner.
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And this is like what you do in a relationship to build love.
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And I think we talked a lot about that block really being a fear for loss of love.
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So. not only was it not holding a boundary for myself to feel, save and secure, and good and confident, but that was also present, because I had a fear that if I held the boundary, I would lose love and so it was just place of
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like, just yeah, not having a lot of fun, not really enjoying that whole process.
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And so has that changed at all for you yeah it's changed so much, And I am he eternally grateful for you and your work, and what you've shown me and what you've taught me because like we've talked
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about. there were more moments where I felt you know like Oh, yeah boundaries like I did it. You know that's like what everyone says.
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But there's a very very there's there's deep deep work here and There's a difference between knowing and having the knowledge over, you know, boundaries and pleasure, and these things and then actually taking action and being in wisdom with
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how, how it relates to you and your life, and what you need to do to actually move through those spaces, so that you can live a life that feels pleasurable and fun.
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And exciting and safe and in love and that's what I was really deep down craving.
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But I didn't know how to access I felt very lost and confused, and I was, you know, like I said, covered with a little bit of you know, guilt and shame, and at 1 point I think I felt like I was broken I
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think we talked about that like I don't know maybe I need to.
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You know I just have to use like all this coconut oil or all this stuff, and and then I don't feel good about it.
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And then I started to think like, Oh, I need to change my diet, and I need to change
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My I guess it's like my libido right i'm looking up these little powders these like sex powders and trying to add things to me so that I could you know work so that I could be what I needed to
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be because I wasn't good enough as I was and you know through that process.
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I've now completely shifted because i'm able to hold my boundaries.
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I've created so many boundaries and it didn't create any loss of love.
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If anything it's strengthened communication and it yeah it's so exciting it.
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It's just in communication it strengthened respect I think because when you put up a boundary, people are like, oh, like i'll honor you, and if that's not honored, then there's a conversation there, right and and then to really
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dive into what do I want for my life I want a partner that respects me, and if a partner couldn't respect me, then it would be a conversation, and maybe it would really be time to entertain. you know Maybe moving on so being in
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that place of like, Okay, I have these boundaries. now I'm feeling safe now that safety has become everything. because now I'm in control, like you said, you have the pleasure scale, and you are always asking like how do you feel is this: a Yes.
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is this A. No, and that seems when you first say it like oh, yeah!
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But I can't even express how much that helps me on a daily basis, not only through this work, but through other aspects of my life, to to really tune into me, you know, instead of like adding the powder and adding the
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coconut, or adding this to my life it's well, what if I release those things?
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And I really tuned into my truth and where I am and how i'm feeling is it a Yes, and is it, or is it a No?
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And if it's a no that's okay doesn't mean anything about me, why is it a no?
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Why are you feeling that way? What would be more ideal scenario?
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What do you need? and that was something that you've taught me too, is like Well, but what would you want?
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What would you need and you know sometimes your partner will ask you like What do you want? And it's like I don't know.
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Don't ask me just try something so there's there's that.
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But then there's this discovery where I have gone on my own individual journey through your program to really sit intimately with my myself to discover what I like because in that moment, yeah, maybe I don't wanna be asked what I what I like.
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Or what I want. But there's a conversation outside of that where I could say, Hey, you know what I discovered I really like this.
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I'd really like to try this and that way your partner, because your partner just wants to please you, too, and they they're just curious, they wanna know.
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And so if you don't know and then you're also like don't ask me.
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I think your partner kind of feels something like, okay. Well, I hope this is good enough, right?
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And there's some maybe spoken in security and that communication piece in the bedroom really really changes the game, and I wasn't able to communicate that because I hadn't sat with myself intimately yet and I
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hadn't taken myself to those places, of intimacy because it felt scary, and it felt like, Oh, there then, there is moments where these thoughts arose of you know.
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I don't feel worthy of pleasure. like I I have been in this space before we're receiving lots of love and pleasure felt okay to do so.
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That was also a really really huge breakthrough for me that sounds that's a massive, a couple of massive breakthroughs.
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Yeah, when that's up amazing appreciate you sharing it and I'm: so happy for the world that you went through them like it makes the world a better place. It's like start to that's beautiful.
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Dorothy: Thank you. What did you like most about the sacred sexual woman circle?
Nora: community for me is absolutely everything like it's amazing to work with someone one on one, and to discover this work of course, how you out the program just you in and up it of
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itself, which is such an amazing, strong, and powerful guide but also where i'm at in my life.
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This season I realized how insanely important community is through this support, because that's something that I saw myself doing.
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A lot was you know I would feel a little guilt or sad or shame, or even a little depression, and i'd iolate myself.
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I wouldn't talk about it i'd quiet my voice i'd hide in my room.
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I wouldn't talk to my partner and that isolation just makes you feel a alone, and it just makes things worse.
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And when you opened me up to the world of pleasure, it really opened my eyes.
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It was like putting on like these rose colored heart glasses.
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Not only through things in the bedroom, but other places of my life.
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Where does this feel pleasurable this sitting? in my room not talking to my partner? feeling alone, feeling like i'm broken feeling like, you know i'm not hot shit like like?
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Does that really feel good for me? And my answer was, no like the pleasure scale No.
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And so from there I started opening up to community, and being able to be vulnerable and open and express where I'm at with people that I know will hold me, will hold space, will create a safe space that I can trust because there
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perspective, and their perception and their life stories and their feedback was like also a game changer, because we're here to rely on one another to be in that space of let's communicate let's talk let's be
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here together. let's be a support system for one another and I think that was my other key of living life that is of pleasure, because community was back to that space of well, that feels really pleasurable.
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And nice to have support, to have people to talk to, to have people that understand you, and are going through the same journey with you.
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And again it was like, Are you are you worthy of that I don't feel worthy of that.
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This feels a little good, and are not used to that I think our body kind of gets used to this comfort zone of like.
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If you've been in stress if you've been in hardship you tolerate it.
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I think we've talked about this right you get in a place of i'm gonna to tolerate this i'm strong, and I can you know It's almost a pride thing like well, i'm really strong and I
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can tolerate this, and I can get through and instead it was a shift of like Oh, but there's also massive massive strength.
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It's like an up level in your strength to receive pleasure to receive community and support and good times, and love because it's such a vulnerable space, and allowing yourself to be vulnerable and open up to those
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experiences takes a lot of courage for for you to entertain and play with, and then to let that become your new way of living, and to let that be okay.
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Because sometimes there's there's shame over that you know we really as a society kind of highlight, the people that are struggling right like, Oh, you're you're down and you're out and you're
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struggling. and then the people who are doing really really well, and like loving their life and feels so good it's like a but i'm like, wow, you made it.
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There you made it to that place where you feel good and you love your life, and you're in love and community and pleasure, and you can sit with yourself and love yourself and accept yourself like that's the goal.
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We're all trying to get there but then when people are there It's like, okay, And so like just highlighting that, and the importance of that, and like that's my new level of strength is to be in that space into
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to witness anyone who reacts to that, whether it be a good reaction or a negative reaction.
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That's really powerful to me. Yes, that's such a great like that was super expansive.
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That explanation for me just listening to you say about how society does like we can.
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We want people to struggle essentially right and then when people aren't struggling anymore.
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We're like Oh, you don't deserve my my support or you don't deserve like it's almost this energy.
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Dorothy: I do think the world shifting so I think more people are like.
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Wait a second. I think we've been sold the bill of goods here like,
Nora: Yeah, I agree that we're shifting, and I I still see like bits and pieces of that old sort of paradigm and just to acknowledge
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it, so that we can all move into that space together and celebrate Wow!
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Like you you feel good, you're doing good amazing you know and just to really be in that space.
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Dorothy: Yeah, definitely for short, and that's one of the best parts of that I have found with women circles.
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Especially the ones that i've been a part of it's this supporting women.
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It really is so powerful. And when you feel a group that are behind you and want the best for you, and they want you to experience all the joys and pleasures in life, and they want your happiness to be like Oh, my gosh I can do this
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Nora: like it's like I it. It can happen yeah and there was a moment in the group where one of the women reached out to me and said, Hey, what you shared in the group was so powerful and I resonate so much with it and i'm actually going
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through this similar thing, and we opened up a conversation together, and that to me was so powerful, because so often we close our mouth.
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We don't speak right, that's the shame and the guilt, and for so long I didn't really talk about anything until I really met you, and I was like, let me tell you everything cause I really trust you and I know you you'll hold
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it for me and and in that space it just brought light to me, too, where we hide these things, and then we're going back again to like almost suffering alone.
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But the power of when we come into a community in a safe space where we're all doing this work together, and we can actually talk about it freely and say, this is what i'm going to everyone's eyes are opened up so
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much to how parallel journeys can be and how we're in one way or another, kind of moving through the same spaces, and that provides, at least for me so much relief, because even her reaching out and saying hey?
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I'm experiencing this too, I was like Oh, wow like I'm.
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Not alone like well like, let's let's talk about it Yeah, And we can move through that space is just the same in times in the world where we are met with uncertainty or these events that kind of not good software rocker I
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think that's the same, and we come together and we move through those times like that to me is so powerful That's that tribe like essence, and that's what I felt in that conversation.
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And it gave me just a sense of like Oh, i'm here with a group of really powerful women who are voicing these things, and we're moving together, and we're moving together towards this space that feels so good and we
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can have ownership over our bodies. and our pleasure in how we live life, and how we make choices in how we move in partnership, and how we communicate.
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We don't have to be in this shameful silenced place.
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So I think that was another really big for me. Oh, thank you for sharing.
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Dorothy: so beautiful. Thank you. What would you recommend to someone who's on the fence right now with Joining.
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Nora: If you're on the fence with joining like I would do tap into where there's maybe fear because for me the places where I felt called to something like if you're on the fence you're already
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entertaining being in it right and you're entertaining that this is the right path for you and this is something that you're called, and that's maybe needed in your life.
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And so if you're on the fence like where is that resistance towards taking that step, because when i've been on the fence with certain things, even through this program, when I was met with resistance, Oh, I don't want
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to do this practice? it's like well why don't you wanna do the practice?
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Why are you procrastinating? and it's because diving deep into that journey?
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Is not the easiest thing in the world right it's not just another to do that.
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Take out the trash boom Check off the list it's a deep, intimate journey with yourself that's going to expand your life.
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It's going to expand the relationship you have with yourself and your body. the relationship you have with the your partner without other relationships in your life, and I just I feel like I'm getting like a little tier, I just because the amount
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of, you know, un said unspoken suffering that occurred where I wasn't in this place of bliss and love and deep connection, and with someone who could, you know, feel, my soul, and be in my you know like my soul language, and we all
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want that deep connection, like child like love, where we feel safe and connected and supported, and like that's the key.
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And to be in that space. We also have to meet ourselves there ourselves.
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There first, and that intimate space in that journey, in that connection, to learn boundaries, to learn communication with ourselves, and build that strength and safety, so that we can be met with a partner.
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Even friendships and other places where we can hold that and so, if you're on the fence, I would just say, dive into where there is resistance, and why there's resistance, and I can just vouch for
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Dorothy and her programs that they're absolutely amazing and truly life changing from there, really deciding.
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What What do you want? Are you wanting a place where you do?
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You explore love and intimacy, and connection and pleasure?
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And is that your next level of strength encourage? And is that the place you want to go?
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And if so, sometimes we need these spaces, community and support and wisdom and guidance, especially from other women who have that outside of you.
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Yeah, and just don't do it these programs best it's truly the best.
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Dorothy: Yeah, Speaking of the best, what are the what are like?
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Nora: 3. But what are 3 benefits? that you experience as a result of the sacred sexual woman circle 3 benefits.
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Well, one of them is definitely okay. This is gonna get a little open and intimate.
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But you talked about well, just having a lot more knowledge over my body, and how the yoni is, and what she likes, and how she wants to receive pleasure and not being able like not really meeting cooking oil, or like I don't really
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use loop or anything like that, but you know things like that because i'm able to listen to her, and there was a moment.
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Actually, if I could give more of an example. a Pg.
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Example. But there's a moment where I was with my partner and he was trying to rush.
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I just happened to do you mind, make up and I was hearing I I was wearing a cute outfit, and we hadn't seen each other in a while, and he was like, Wow!
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Look at you like, let's go you know and I saw it from his perspective.
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But because I was able to tune into my body and really like Listen! I was like, oh, I feel resistance is a no for me. This feels rushed so I just so gently said, Hey, like I'm so excited that you're excited.
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And I would love to spend, spend this time with you. but I think that I just need a little more time, and I need.
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I forget exactly what I said, but I was essentially saying like I really want you to tune into me, and how i'm feeling.
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And because yeah, yeah, it was super huge moment, especially because i've always been afraid of, like my boundaries, right, and to speak that felt so powerful because I had just gotten off of a busy day like doing things so I was still in that kind of
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like buzzing energy, and I wanted to be able to sync into like, Okay, now, I'm here now.
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I'm relaxed there's nothing to do that they think about I hadn't really got there yet, and so I just said that 10 like, let's look like tune into me and see how i'm doing and talk to me
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and and he was like, oh, i'm so sorry like yeah like, and he just completely changed his energy and met with me, and was so like gentle and receptive and interested.
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And then things after that we're obviously like really amazing and really great.
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So being able to have sex with my partner that feels really connected and really good and really pleasurable, and doesn't feel like a chore.
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I hated that feeling of Oh, it's been like a week I should probably please my partner, or he's gonna think something's up, and we're gonna have this conversation. of if I don't like him and you know all of that
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stuff, and now it just feels like fun and enjoyable and relaxing and life giving so like that's obviously a huge benefit.
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And I would say the other benefits, I guess, for me, just the really huge main ones were basically what we already talked about, which is the boundaries and the communication and being able to receive pleasure, because that was another thing in that same example
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where that was like one of the top experiences of my pleasureable experiences, because I was able to not be in my head of like.
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Oh, you know, is everything looking good, or how's he doing you Know these thoughts we have in our head, and instead I was able to see sync into receptivity, which I feel.
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Like is that very feminine aspect and that was hard for me to receive pleasure.
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I was always getting. i've been in that people please your mode, and I just wanted to always give to people.
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So it's Let me, please, you let me do for you and I was able to just embody the work you taught me and be receptive and like Wow! that's a huge game changer for me.
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So yeah, this would be some of my top benefits for sure.
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Yeah, this receptive is definitely I mean it sounds like everything you did in in those moments. it was divine feminine energy like you were very in that divine feminine, and that sacred sex right?
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Dorothy: Where you're really honoring your body and honoring your Yoni so well done!
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Congratulations. you graduated. Yeah, thank you that that's so beautiful.
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And I bet it really turned them on like I bet that there is like a lot more.
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Nora: Yeah, yeah, definitely, exactly. I I know there's such this idea that women need to please, please, please.
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Dorothy: But men for their the divine masculine wants to please wants to give wants to.
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I mean that's even the energy of the yoni is to receive, and the lingam is to give So that's even just the energy of the masculine energy is to give. And so men have to keep that in check too, because they
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just want to give when they're in that divine masculine men just want to give give give and they also need to learn how to receive as well.
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Nora: So yeah, so beautiful for a moment. If I could share really quick, when you're saying this the dynamic of the feminine and the masculine energies.
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And I you know we could be both but but playing into that feminine energy for me of receptivity also kinda shifted something in me where I was like I'm a goddess.
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Like women. Are these beautiful, amazing, like goddesses and to have a man there to support you?
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And please you like I don't know what that is but that just feels so powerful and so empowering, and just so like a really cool teamwork like in in. I don't know what the word of that is But like and then you
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can switch roles right like but it just felt very empowering for me.
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It is, and and it's a gift you gave to yourself right it's like so beautiful.
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And yes, it's so beautiful and We're able to be in those energies, and find the harmony. I love.
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Dorothy: Thank you for sharing so beautiful. I have one last question, and that is what surprised you the most about the sacred sexual women circle.
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Nora: What surprised me the most. I had a lot of surprises along the way, but I think the way that you teach about the body and what it can do.
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I just had no idea you you know but I think the biggest I don't know if it's necessarily a surprise.
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But maybe a realization was the depth of the boundary work for me, and in tuning into my body like I can't express enough how much I use that every day in every area of my life, and how much is improved not only
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like my the relationship with myself and my partner, but even with like my roommates and my friends and business, and you know what feels pleasurable, and being able to, you know, sometimes going back again to that conversation of when we tolerate
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things, and there'll be moments when i'm maybe add a women's group or sister circle, and in that moment I feel uncomfortable for whatever reason.
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But it's just like, Oh, but you're in a moving circle like, just suffer through it like tolerate it, because there's people around, and there's this and to just be like oh, no I have the choice and the
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option to make sure that i'm always taken care of and comfortable and safe, and feeling good.
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And this there's just so much deaf to that work that I don't think I understood and that to me was surprising.
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But then there's all these other little pieces of learning about the body, and like what your body can do, and all the different ways that it can receive pleasure, and just the different like. He taught us different strokes and different.
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I don't know ways to explore yourself so that you can really, really tune in and know what your body likes and what it wants and needs, and how how you function, because we're all so unique individuals, and we're not given
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tools growing growing up, or not taught anything of like here's how to explore your body.
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So you know what you like and what you need, and you know, and to communicate those things.
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And so I think that was like very surprising. Hmm!
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It it is surprising and real it is it's like Wait! What can my body?
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And then, when something happens like through some of the orgasms in the chat you can experience, do like, wait, What?!
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Dorothy: Yeah. So thank you for sharing, Nora.
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I really appreciate your time, and taking the time to talk.
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And thank you, thank you thank you and we'll put some links down below for people to be able to find you.
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And so it's Nora costello awake oasis. and you want to just maybe do a little bit on who you are.
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Nora: Yeah, I am a business coach, and is really shifted into more of a business management role in Obam role.
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But I do a little bit of both, and I created the awake oasis to really serve women in entrepreneurship, to shift into a place of deeper awareness and a softening into the this business. journey.
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That we all embark on, because it can be a wild ride at times.
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And so the oasis aspect is kind of like coming to a place of revival, and being able to truly thrive.
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And your work has just enhanced my work of deepening into like. Okay, is it?
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Is it pleasurable? and is it safe? and is it yes, or known all these things right?
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But essentially that's who I am and that's what I promote. and I want women in business to to be abundant and happy and thrive in life, and find me on Instagram. Yeah,
Dorothy: Well, I can say you know cause I work
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with you as well. The the interchanging and So you've helped me to up level, so for sure if anyone is looking for someone you're like.
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Wow! I need to up level my business but it's so much more because you come from the standpoint of like spirituality, too, like really connecting with the South and and moving in that direction.
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And and with that energy, and so it's so much more than a business manager or someone who's an advisor, you really help to up level on the spiritual part like really connecting with the soul and being out in the world
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to do to make the world a better place my goal and so you've really helped me to up level and just show up when i'm like.
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Don't want to i'm comfortable right leaning into that resistance speaking of that, so thank you.
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And if there's anyone else in, the world that is Ready then they should over on the fence or do We need to check out you out for sure Thank you so much, Dorothy.
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Dorothy: I really appreciate that so much love and gratitude for you in our journey.