EP 21 - 5 Ways to Spiral Up After Being The Other Woman...or Other Person

From Shame to Self-Love: Navigating Life as "The Other Person"

Dive into a powerful conversation about one of society's most taboo topics - being "the other person" in a relationship. This raw and honest episode of Nantucket After Dark challenges conventional judgments and explores the complex emotions that arise from these situations.

Drawing from nearly 20 years of relationship expertise, the host reveals how these experiences often stem from deeper emotional needs rather than intentional harm. The episode offers practical tools for transformation, including sacred self-love practices like journaling and mirror work, helping listeners move from shame to self-empowerment.

Key highlights:

• Understanding the relationship between shame and self-compassion
• Practical strategies for setting protective boundaries
• Transform negative self-talk through breath work and movement
• Building emotional resilience through self-reflection

Ready to shift your perspective and embrace a journey of self-discovery? This judgment-free discussion provides the guidance and understanding you've been seeking. Tune in to this enlightening episode that reminds us that healing and growth are always possible, no matter your past experiences.

Listen now to start your journey from shame to self-love.

Check out Nantucket After After Dark on Substack for Q&A with Dorothy about her experiences with being the other woman; https://open.substack.com/pub/nantucketloveschool/p/q-and-a-with-the-other-woman?r=6aadzy&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

Click here for Nantucket After After Dark on Substack

Click here for Sacred Sexual Soul Series.

Email for questions, feedback, or supportive words - Podcast@nantucketloveschool.com

Transcript

00:00:00 SPEAKER_00
Hello and welcome back to Nantucket After Dark, where we don't shy away from the taboo, the complicated, or the things that you only whisper to your best friend after a glass of wine. We talk about love, sex, pleasure, power, and all things that make life juicy, even the ones that society tells us we should feel shame about. Tonight's episode is the other woman or the other person. You're going to share five ways to spiral up after being the other woman or the other person. And so maybe you fell in love with someone unavailable. Maybe it wasn't love. Maybe it was just chemistry. Maybe it was something entirely different. But you're here now.

00:00:45 SPEAKER_00
And so perhaps is the shame, maybe even grief, maybe even feeling judgment from yourself or from others. Maybe you're really digging into that judgment of yourself, really not feeling worthy. And tonight, I want you to know you can spiral up from this. You are not broken. You are becoming. And I can tell you this from personal experience, but also as a professional who's worked with love and relationships for almost two decades now. My gosh. And I have seen people shift to incredible relationships with themselves. and with their partners, and really go on to spiral up, right? So we're going to talk about how to shift this energy, how to go from heartbreak to feeling that wholeness, how to go from secrecy in those lies to feeling sacred, how to go from shame to self -love. So we're going to take a deep breath, right? We are going to dive on in. This one's for you. And if you want to go deeper into this healing, I'm going to share my own story over on Substack. And so there'll be a link down there. There'll be a Q &A with the other woman. And yeah, let us dive in. Oh, and there's also Shame to Pleasure Reset. It's a free five -day healing journey if you want to do that. But let us get into some of the core parts we want to do today, which is number one, you are not alone. You're just human. So this is one in five adults have been involved in an affair. So whether emotional or physical, and this is from the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, there's also many affairs that began with unmet needs, emotional needs, low self -worth, unresolved trauma, moments of vulnerability, not just, not necessarily malicious intent. It's actually very it's not very often that malicious intent is there. If someone say is really on that spectrum for narcissism, where they just don't care about their partner, they don't care about anyone besides themselves. But for the most part, cheating, having an affair, all of that stems from some form of unmet need. And usually it's emotional. Sometimes it can be sexual, but even that there can be those underlining parts where Someone maybe uses sex to fulfill some form of emotional need.

00:03:17 SPEAKER_00
So no, you're not alone, right? You are not alone in this. There's probably actually even more people than just one in five. And part of the antidote to not being alone is to acknowledge the truth.

00:03:30 SPEAKER_00
not being alone is to acknowledge the truth. So acknowledge what has happened. what has occurred without necessarily bypassing it or blaming someone else or blaming yourself, living in it. You made a choice. These things, like it does happen. Life is messy. Now you get a new chance. You get a new, you get to make new choices. And so I know that the antidote to maybe feeling lonely, maybe having these woundings is to be very honest and upfront. And know that you can make new choices. And this is actually the start of something completely amazing. It can be. Number two, shame is a low frequency. And you can rise. If there is ever a moment where you're like, oh my gosh, I hit rock bottom. Sometimes these are those moments. And shame can breed that scarcity, secrecy, self -abandonment. But we can transmute it to love. And we can transmute it to compassion. And this can become the fuel for personal growth and expansion. Dr. Brene Brown calls shame the intensely painful feeling that we are unworthy of love and belonging. I'm going to repeat that because shame is often really connected with whether that was an underlining wounding of shame, not feeling like you belong, the intensely painful feeling that we are unworthy of love and belonging. The antidote here, right, that shame of the low frequency is self -compassion and responsible reflection. So it's not just like, okay, I did something and you send that compassion and which is beautiful, but also, okay, now how am I going to learn? What am I going to do in the future? What's going to happen if maybe a situation comes up like this again? And it might, it's a very high likelihood that the universe may bring something else around to show like, okay, have you grown? Have you evolved? Where are you at right now? And so it is our job to have that self -compassion and then take that responsible reflection and to make changes and then prepare for the future. Hopefully we never have to meet it again, but more than likely we will. Because that's how these things work. We keep... looping until we get off that loop. Number three, spiral up with love, power, and pleasure. Use this moment as a portal into your highest timeline because this really can be like a rocket to your highest timeline, the ultimate glow up. And it is about like, what were you really craving? Was it attention? Was it affection? Was it to be seen? Was it connection? And then can you go and give that to yourself now? And how? So how can you give yourself the attention you need, the affection, the connection, the being seen? Can you do that now? And then number four, let them talk. You're protected. So this is a big one because we often do care what other people think, but we usually care what the wrong people think. And not necessarily ourselves. Like we're the ones who have to live with ourselves. And go about the world. And so it's best to not necessarily care too much what people think. Especially not the right ones. And there is an element of like caring what other people think. That you really respect. And that will be kind and compassionate to you. But people are going to judge. Let them. Let them. Like let them judge. Let them think whatever they're going to think. Just send them love and send them on. And on this show, we shield our energy with love and light. So any of those projections or any of those thoughts, you do not have to take on. You do not have to accept them. You do not have to accept their judgments. That belongs to them. And you can even ask spirit to transmute whatever those judgments or projections, transmute it with love and light, send it right on back to them. So the spiritual practice with this is every time someone gossips or sends shade your way, you get more magnetic. So this is one prayer you can say, or one intention is every time someone gossips about you or sends you shade your way, you get more magnetic, more powerful, more radiant. Let the gossip be your glamour spell. This is one of my favorite things. So even if you've never, if you're just listening to this because you're curious and you're like, oh my gosh, use this, right? Because people do talk about other people and it can lower our vibration. But we don't have to let that affect us. We can use spirit, use the energies that every single time someone talks about you, gossips about you, you get more magnetic, more powerful, more radiant. Let it work. It is amazing. And last but not least, sacred self -love practices to begin now. Daily journaling. If you're not journaling, you don't have like a gratitude practice, a self -love practice that involves some form of journaling, a growth expansion practice, like what did you learn? What do you now choose? Using these daily, something daily, something that you can tune into. One thing I will sometimes do is like current thoughts. And I will just like do a free write with some of my current thoughts and current feelings and then kind of work through it with the journaling. Another great practice for self -love is mirror work. Look into your eyes and say, I forgive myself. I love myself. I choose to grow and any other things like point out the things you love, point out the things you appreciate about yourself. And sometimes people hear self -love and they're like, It's like too woo -woo -y or just like too soft or whatever it is. If you can say then self -appreciation, I find people have less resistance to that. So just notice like what you appreciate about yourself. Maybe it's the way that your style or maybe it's the way that you move about the world or your kindness, your big heart. Maybe it's that you're so open and available. And then the next practice is breath work. Self -pleasure movement, reclaim your body. It is for you. It is for you and you are a channel for spirit to work through you. So reclaim it, get into your body and be so in your body that nothing can move you. Nothing can get you off kilter. Although life happens, life is messy, but that you are able to easily bounce back. So here are some ways to go and connect and go deeper. If this episode cracks something open in you, I invite you into a deeper love with yourself for sure. That's number one. You can join me over on Substack where we are anchoring into every day. We anchor into, there's a post to anchor into the new timeline of love, joy, abundance. And then there's also in the inner circle, I'll be sharing my own story. So a Q &A with the other woman, there is no filter, no shame, and you're welcome to ask questions too. I may not answer them, especially if you're asking about who did I have, you know, an affair with, how was I other woman, which there was three different situations. And I go into that a little bit more. it's not no one you know nan took it after dark their rumor mills always churning but i've heard the rumors over the years of different people and none of them were true so it's very interesting and then the next part is start with um the shame to pleasure so if you are really feeling in that shame but you want to shift to pleasure I have a free reset. It's a five -day journey. It walks you through so that daily dose of insight, somatic healing, self -love practices that will bring you back to yourself. And then if you're ready to go to that next step, there is Pleasure 101, which will be turning into Pleasure Alchemy. So it's an essential intuitive course with breath work, self -massage, embodiment to your power. If you're ready to go all in, the Sacred Sexual Soul series is where it's at. It's a transformational course designed to help you alchemize shame, reclaim your sensuality, really dig into pleasure, and live with radiant authenticity. Let's spiral up. Let's rewrite this story. And let's do it together. Sending you so much love. Until next time, peace, love, and hugs. Bye for now.