Episode 1 - Quickie Sex Culture

Everyone is looking for love and connection, but it’s challenging to find it with Quickie sex culture.  Join Nantucket resident Love and Sex Educator, Dorothy Stover as she shares more about Quickie sex culture, what it means for your sex life, and two ways you can combat quickie sex life and transform the pleasure and connection in your sexual experiences.  

If you’re unsure if you’ve experienced quickie sex culture, or you’re looking to experience more pleasure and deeper sexual connections, then join Dorothy as she starts the conversation.

Find the duo workshop, Empowered & Embodied: Unblock yourself and experience greater pleasure. https://nantucketloveschool.com/empoweredandembodiedinformation

If you would like to be part of The Sacred Sexual Soul Series or learn more, click here - https://nantucketloveschool.com/sacredsexualsoulseries

Or over on www.dorothydstover.com 

Sacred Sexual Soul Series.

Email for questions, feedback, or supportive words - dorothy@dorothydstover.com

Transcript

Welcome to Nantucket After Dark, where we talk about sex, pleasure, love, relationships with Spirit in the mix.  I’m Dorothy stover of Nantucket Love school where we believe combining spirit and pleasure leads to deeper love. 

This episode is for every single human adult. It affects us all; married, partnered, single, and complicated. 

Quickie culture is ruining sex. It's a bold statement and I'm going to make it. 

What's a quickie?  A quickie is defined as a hastily performed act of sexual intercourse. 

Now like everything,  a quickie has a time and a place. Raise your hand if you've ever had a quickie in a bathroom at a Nantucket restaurant or bar? Quickies can be fun. 

If you're parents of young ones, a quickie may be your only option the majority of the time. 

The issue is when a quickie becomes your sex life. The long-term quickie sex life is where connection, intimacy, and mind-blowing pleasure go to die. 

I almost want to slap the person or people that decided quickie was a thing. Almost, quickies can be fun for sure, and when you're in a pinch, just what you need. but Somewhere along the way, we humans have settled for quickies. For some, we don't even know any different. You're thinking a quickie is all there is or ever will be. There is someone who is listening, they don't even know quickie has been or is their sex life. And for that, this is why we are talking about it. 

Quickies are not the main meal. It's fast food. A quickie is meant to occur When you're in a time crunch and sporadically. 

Sex is meant to nourish, heal, and expand us. It's a powerful tool for connection to ourselves, to our partner, and to God. 

If that is rushed, we miss out on the benefits and often can feel empty from the experience and exchange. 

Quickie culture most likely is the root of couples believing that sex is used to procreate and sex is for male pleasure only. For many westerners for 1000s of years, marriage was a job and everyone had their role. For many women for 1000s of years, sex was something your grit and bare. Once you have your babies, your job is done. 

This tells me, for generations, quickie culture has been around. Couples not taking the proper time to make sure a woman is ready for sex. Did you know that the vagina when ready will suck up a penis or really any object when the vagina is ready for sex? We will go further into this later in the season but if you've never experienced it whether you are in a  heterosexual or lesbian relationship, then most likely you have experienced the quickie culture sex life. 

So, Why do I say we live in a quickie culture? The quickie sex goal is to have an orgasm as fast as we can. Having an orgasm has become a race. In quickie culture, Orgasm is the main and only goal. And if you don't have one, you lost.  

You can have an incredible sex life without having an erection or having an orgasm. 

quickie culture is a race to the finish and in one minute people feel like winners. 

I know because I used to be proud of myself for being able to have an orgasm in under a minute. I used to think an orgasm was all there was. 

Quickie orgasms can leave people feeling depleted, tired, feeling used, perhaps our needs arent met, we want more sex because we didn't experience the connection and pleasure we were looking for, and it can make us and our partners bad lovers when quickies are our sex life. 

Again, quickies have their place and their time. If a quickie is your long-term sex life then please listen on. 

What's the cure for quickie culture? We will get to the end segment of Nantucket After Dark, just the tip,  

Here are the two ways you can combat quickie culture. 

1. You and your partner ditch the orgasms goal. Yup, I said it. Take orgasms off the table. Follow the pleasure. Explore and enjoy each other for pleasure's sake. Orgasms are awesome but they are not everything. If you've had your ear sucked by someone who knows how then you know what I'm talking about. If orgasms are off the table, even just for 10 to 20 minutes, you'll transform your sex life. You'll feel connected to your partner, if you have a vulva or you have a partner with a vulva you'll give them space to become aroused. Women can have boners too. This Nantucket after-dark episode is coming up. Stay tuned for that. If we Take orgasms off the table we then Tickle, stroke, massage, experiment with hot and cold, experiment with sensation And I'm not talking about on or around the genitals. The whole body is a sex organ. Your skin is your largest sex organ next to your brain. Follow pleasure. Check-in with yourself and each other. Ask what is feeling good or is there a different way to do something. Play. Communicate with yourself and your partner. There are over 14 different ways humans can orgasm. If that number is blowing your mind, it's more proof we've been living in a quickie culture. 

2. Meditation and prayer. In other words, mindfulness. This I like to do before I hop in the sack with myself or with a lover and I suggest this for clients and students as well. If you've never connected to God and called God in to support you and your partner with your sexual experience you are missing out. A 10 on the pleasure scale becomes a 100. Off the charts. Don't know where your mind or your body went yet you also feel completely embodied at the same time. You go to the divine world. You'll be trying to catch your breath after loving making saying, "I didn't know my body could do that.". So yeah, call in God. Here is one prayer I'll say, "thank you God for coming to my partner and I and infusing us with love. Thank you for us being connected to each other and for the highest outcome. Thank you for sending your angels of love and light to assist us in our loving making" Also, meditation.

I will then also use light meditation and visualization. Seeing light fill our bodies. Not only does this prepare the body for pleasure but also aids in healing and even manifesting. There are many different prayers and visualizations to play around with. Not only did God create sex for procreation, but also to experience great pleasure and healing. All healing comes from God and that can occur when God is called in. Which, also so happens to be how we experience great pleasure. 

We humans instinctively know sex and touch are good for us, mainstream has gone about it in a way that doesn't serve us in the long run.

Quickie culture is like trying to build a house with nails and no tools. You can certainly build the house but it's not going to be as effective or enjoyable as with a hammer or nail gun. 

Those are my two tips, take orgasms off the table and mindfulness. There are plenty of other ways to combat quickie culture. We will get into this more during this season of Nantucket After Dark. For now, practice. I should also add if you don't have a partner. You can do these two tips for your self-pleasure. Still mind-blowing and transformative. In fact, even if you have a partner, I suggest this pleasure practice alone. A great way to connect with yourself and to know yourself and your body so that you are ready when you are with a partner. Also, self-pleasure is a great tool for self-healing. 

There are more ways to combat quickie culture. Please share if you have a suggestion. Also, let us know how this just tip is working out for you. Are you excited to try? 

And If you're looking to unblock yourself sexually, feel embodied and empowered. I have created a duo workshop for you that you can grab today. These two workshops are the foundation of better sex, stronger orgasms, and experiencing more pleasure. 

Go to nantucketloveschool.com/empoweredandembodied 

Or go to my website dorothydstover.com and you'll find it there as well. 

Thank you again Nantucket Lovers for listening and for sharing. We look for2ard to sharing space with you again, same sexy time, same sexy channel. 

Peace, love, and pleasure!