Nantucket After Dark
Nantucket After Dark
Episode 5 - Let's talk about sex with Kelly Miller
Why is sex such a taboo subject, yet we all are curious? Sometimes we need someone to open the conversational window for us to feel safe to talk about sex and pleasure. Join best friends Dorothy Stover and Kelly Miller as they talk about sex, pleasure, and give just the tip. Kelly shares some of her top sex toy questions she receives. This episode is perfect for anyone curious, as well as best friends.
The Celebrator - The Sex toy talked about in the show; https://mycelebrator.com/en/
Some of Dorothy’s favorite Sex Toys from Dame.
- Arc - My all-time favorite. https://www.dameproducts.com/collections/all/products/arc
- Fin - Great for newbies to sex toys. https://www.dameproducts.com/collections/all/products/fin
- Eva - Great for solo and partner play that you would like handsfree vibes. https://www.dameproducts.com/collections/all/products/eva-ii
If you would like to be part of The Sacred Sexual Soul Series or learn more, click here - https://nantucketloveschool.com/sacredsexualsoulseries
www.dorothydstover.com
Questions, feedback, or praise email Dorothy at dorothy@dorothydstover.com
Sacred Sexual Soul Series.
Email for questions, feedback, or supportive words - dorothy@dorothydstover.com
Dorothy Stover - Hello, and welcome to Nantucket after dark, where we talk about love, pleasure, and sex with spirit in the mix. I'm your host. Dorothy Stover of the Nantucket love school, where we believe combining pleasure and spirit leads to deeper love. Today, I'm talking with Kelly Miller and she just so happens to be my best friend since we were about nine, 10 years old, my soulmate, she has this beautiful history that just to kind of give you some, a little bit of history where she's worked in the sex toy industry.
Yay. So welcome.
I'm so glad you're here. Do you want to share maybe a little bit about yourself?
Kelly Miller00:41
Sure. Well, thank you for having me. I loved any chance I get to chat with you. Let's see. I am a working mom of three kids. I have spent most of my life in the restaurant industry, but it was a brief period exploring the sex toy industry, which was super fun.
And I would love to actually get back into that. So I feel like my knowledge might be a little bit dated at the moment, but it's always a fun topic. And yes, I grew up in Nantucket with you and then moved around to bits, lived in New York for awhile. And I'm currently in Tennessee and that kind of, yeah, for the moment
Dorothy Stover01:21
sums me up.
I love it. So, I was thinking about this the other day and how I think that you are the person that I've spoken with about sex the most in my life.
Kelly Miller01:36
I could say the same about you. Definitely with a hundred percent certainty, one just by default of the number of years that we've been friends. And two, I just, I feel like we've always just had a certain comfort level and understanding and been able to talk about the things that might be embarrassing to talk about with other people.
So we've got.
Dorothy Stover01:59
Definitely. I mean, we've been friends for a long time since we were
and we've always had, I think we've always both had a curiosity about sex since we were little, like, since that time. Yes, definitely curious. And, and so we're always talking about it, whether we knew what we were talking about or not, but we definitely did,
Kelly Miller02:20
but, but that was part of the fun. Right. And having somebody that you can, you know, bounce these things off of.
Yes.
Dorothy Stover02:28
Yeah, definitely. And I think for a lot of friends, right, there are a lot that's who you go to, to talk about sex with and pleasure. And your relationships is oftentimes your, your friend.
Kelly Miller02:41
Yes. I mean, I would hope anyway. I hope everybody has at least one person in their life that they feel comfortable talking about these things with, because nobody is just born with this knowledge, right.
It's a, we all have to learn about it and be open to discussing and exploring and finding these things out. And. And it can be tricky because I feel like it's still people have this stigma associated with it and they don't want to be the one to ask the question and bring something up. But hopefully everybody's lucky enough to at least have one friend like that.
And I do think that that is either friends or sometimes if you have a close sibling relationship, that can be another person that you talk about it with. But yes, definitely for us, it was the BFS.
Dorothy Stover03:29
And you bring up like such a great point of how we're not born with the knowledge. Like, yes, I think there is that drive that we have of, oh, w we have the sexual drive, but we're not born with the knowledge of actually what to do and how to do it and, and how to do it well, and to connect with a partner.
And it's interesting, you bring. The hope of like, everyone has that. And why do I mean, really? It's, it's a taboo subject, right? It,
Kelly Miller04:00
oddly enough, it still is, even though it's everywhere you know, it's sex is pervasive in our culture now, but kind of the, how to part of it, isn't either you're just expected to know these things or.
There's a part of it. That's just assumed. And, but, but yes, we definitely are all born with the desire and everything, but we don't even know. Ourselves really? And that can be different for everybody. So there is no like one size fits all approach. It's, it's really about self exploration and, you know, doing that and, and having another person to talk to about it and kind of compare notes, so to speak and just, it can really, I feel like.
What's been great for us is just that we've been able to have those conversations and light bulbs will go off here and there. And then we go back into our lives and take these ideas or topics that we've talked about and kind of try that.
Dorothy Stover04:58
Yeah, that I love that. So there was a listener that mentioned a while back or not a while back.
Cause this is only happening for a little while,
Kelly Miller05:07
but like we were talking about the holidays have happened. It's like last week seems like a decade ago,
Dorothy Stover05:14
like a while back. And it's like,
But they, you know, it is like sex is such a taboo subject. And for them, they, they don't have really anyone to talk with about sex and it's an uncomfortable conversation for them, but it's one has led to a lot of uncomfortable situations with their partner, with their husband. And what do you suggest for, so you're married, you have.
What do you suggest for someone who's they maybe don't even talk about it with their husband about relationship, but like that maybe they grew up in the purity culture, right? Where you talk about it, you just that's.
Kelly Miller05:57
Well one, I just, I think that that's impossible, right? You have to, if you're going to make progress, if you're going to make positive change then you have to talk about it.
And that is a scary and difficult thing to do if you have two people that have never done that before. And I think part, the first part is, you know, kind of recognizing that and validating that for, for both people involved, then. It's not going to be easy or even pleasant at first to try to do it.
And maybe baby steps into the conversation. And even with, you know, my own husband now, and I feel like we're both pretty. Free thinkers in terms of this stuff, it's still, it can be awkward. The conversations can just overall be awkward. And I think there's just kind of this acceptance that you have to have of that is that it might be awkward at first.
But it's so beneficial and it really leads to a deeper connection. Just going through that awkwardness together. Even if your conversation doesn't get very far, it's just the willingness to kind of take those steps alone, can deepen your connection. And so that's like part of it, right. Is, is having those conversations with you and your partner.
But the other part is. Dipping your toe into finding information and other places, right? Everything that you put out there, you know, listening to this podcast, perhaps, and you know, the love school and there, there is definitely content out there. That's available. For somebody who may not have a best friend or a sibling or somebody else, or, or a willing partner to talk with where you can kind of open the door.
But again, it's going to be a combination. You can't just do that, but then not have conversations with your partner. You're going to have to maybe fight. Some information and then bring that to the conversation. And it's going to be a joint effort there. I think anyway, at least that's, that's what my recommendation
Dorothy Stover07:58
would be.
That's a great recommendation. I think it is the baby steps, because otherwise it can feel, especially if you have two different styles or maybe someone doesn't even know. Right. Because a lot of there are a lot of women that they haven't touched their vulva. Right. It less it's around like their menstrual cycle and they're maybe putting in a tampon or, or, or wiping themselves.
Isn't
Kelly Miller08:25
that crazy. And that's so true. It's just, that's it. That is kind of a baffling thought to me, but it's, it's so true. There are so many people that just are not familiar with their own body. Right. And how are you supposed to know what to do with the partner? If you don't know yourself and the things enemy then, and you could be at a point where yes, you're married and you still don't know.
So this is a thing that you guys can explore together. But it's definitely something that. Yes, I think ultimately one way or the other it's got to happen. If you're going to have a fulfilling sexual relationship. Anyway, you have to really get to know yourself and be able to have these conversations with your partner.
And what might be tricky is getting your partner on board, right? Because if your partner is. Not interested in having these conversations. So it's really trying to figure out how to finesse that I think, and that's different for everybody, right? Hopefully in your relationship, you know, your partner pretty well, and you can kind of figure out where, where they're coming from, but maybe that's the thing is you don't jump right into it.
Like we were saying, baby steps, you kind of have to just open the door, just like. I feel like deep conversations are the art of deep conversations. They're kind of lost in these days of texting and 140 character tweets. So it's something that you've been with a partner and just in busy life, who's got time to sit around and chat for hours.
So I think it's just maybe just starting with putting aside that time to really sit across from each other and have a conversation start there.
Dorothy Stover10:04
Yeah. That is one suggestion I have made for. Clients is the, like, make the. Like mate, cause oftentimes, and for many people they're like, well, it's not spontaneous.
I'm like sex. Nessus is honestly, I don't know how like yes, of course like sex can be spontaneous and you can get into that. But, but that. And that doesn't necessarily lead to the best sexual experience, because it can be a super powerful experience to schedule the talking about like, and for some people right there that is actually like, they need the conversation before there's engagement, they need to feel safe.
And especially for a lot of women, they need to feel safe. And I'll say it for a lot for men. Say for the partner to be able to ask for what they're looking for and ask for something I never experienced before. Have you seen the movie forgetting Sarah Marshall?
Kelly Miller11:03
Okay. I know. I feel like I have, but I don't really remember it, but I know somewhere in there I have seen it.
Dorothy Stover11:12
Well, the, the premises where there in LA and his girlfriend becomes a famous actress on a TV show. And then he's about to do. Like ask her to marry him or something along those lines. And she's like, I can't do this and they break up and he supposed to go on this romantic vacation with her, but you know, they're not going cause they broke up.
So he goes to Hawaii and, well, there's this part where he's kind of wallowing at the bar and there's a Christian couple that just, just got married. You know, the wife is very frisky and wants to, like, she wants to consummate this marriage. Right.
And there's like later on in the movie, the, the guy comes down to like, where's your wife. There's just some things that, you know, God wouldn't.
Playground. And I feel like that can be a lot of couples, right? Because there, there is this, the sex education in a lot of United States is abstinence only, or it can be.
We go from abstinence only save yourself for marriage, but we don't actually go into, we just go into reproduction, right? Like
Kelly Miller12:25
education, let's be honest in sex. Education is nonexistent. Let's say mean that's
Dorothy Stover12:29
pretty much it's reproductive education. And so we go save yourself for marriage, but then. They, they do, right.
People do save themselves for marriage. Right. And then they have no idea what's happening. What's happening. What's going on. Or, and even say, there's this right? Like sex is going to hurt your first time. Actually it does. It really doesn't have to hurt. In fact, that just shows that the body was not ready.
Right involved in all this other things that need to happen. So, so much isn't shared. And then people were wondering why there's so many struggles that couples have now. Not every couple of like, sometimes there's this natural chemistry, right? Like,
Kelly Miller13:11
yeah. And there's also, I mean, for those that don't wait, they've gone through some years of bad.
And then kind of figured it out by that point. And then yes, it gets better, but yeah, there's so many assumptions that are just accepted for fact, like, like what you said, you know, the whole that it is going to hurt. Well, no, it doesn't have to, but we've been told for so many years and so many people have just accepted it as fact that they just keep going with that.
Yes, it doesn't. It really doesn't have to be that way. If people could open themselves up to talking about it more and talking about it earlier than, you know, we, at this point, our lives, or, you know, in a committed relationship and then really starting to wonder these things and having to kind of start from square one at this point where it's probably should have happened at and not saying.
You should be out having sex with a bazillion different people at whatever young age, not saying that, but starting to get to know your body gets know kind of what all this entails and that all should not be like an off limits topic of discussion until you're well into your married life. You leave, you can absolutely start to have those conversations a lot earlier than I think that we do.
Dorothy Stover14:34
Yeah. I'll there's a program. Our whole lives or owl. And it does it, it does age appropriate from a young age to age appropriate sex education. So if someone's learning about their body, someone's learning about safe, touch, unsafe, touch, all of these things, equipping children with knowing their bodies and not, and the proper names.
Right? So not. Oh, this is, you know, your weakness. It's like, no,
Kelly Miller15:00
yeah, that is, oh, pet names are for body parts or like one of my pet peeves actually.
Dorothy Stover15:09
And it's actually an unsafe, safe thing for children to have the pet names, because if something actually does happen or they feel bad and they're talking about, oh, I'm feeling pain in my flat.
Kelly Miller15:22
It's like who, how can another adult understand what that means?
Or I remember reading some, something like cookie will try to, if the child says, oh, so-and-so touched my cookie. Okay. Do, are you sharing snacks? Like, well, you know, you don't know what that means. How do you interpret what a child is trying to communicate to you if they're not using the proper language?
Exactly.
Dorothy Stover15:44
So if we start off young with equipping children, with their actual body parts and the, and the correct name of their body parts, and then with that safe and unsafe touches and other things along those lines and, and the, and the de shaming of, of touching your body. It at certain times, right? Then it becomes the shame factor is dropped.
There's so many things that issues that come up later that are cut off at the pass and, and that's a big one is the sex education really starting off at age, right age appropriate and not
Kelly Miller16:22
necessarily. And I mean, think about the effects that that would have. When you do find yourself in a committed relationship, if you've been having if you've been exposed to this information all along or incrementally and at age appropriate levels, then going ahead and opening up the conversation with your partner, imagine how much less awkward that would be and just how much more progress you could make kind of right from the start.
But you know, the way that we do it now, It's not like that. Although it seems like, I mean, that program sounds amazing and it seems like there, there is curriculum and programs out there that we could be using more widely. We just don't because so many people still do find it. So taboo was such a stigma and it's just crazy to me that at this point in 2022, now we can say that that's, that's still a thing and.
You know, we're just really hindering our own progress as humans in general, indefinitely sexual progress by, by delaying these conversations as long as we do.
Dorothy Stover17:28
So you're talking about like that taboo, like sexist the taboo subject and. It makes me think why, like, why we're so afraid to talk about sex, but then also really what is sexist?
It's pleasure. So why are we afraid of pleasure? We afraid to feel good in our society. Do you think, where do you think we're afraid of?
Kelly Miller17:51
So, yeah, I think we've been pleasure is associated. Like there's a guilt with pleasure, culturally speaking. You know, if we're, if we're feeling good, then we must be doing something wrong.
And I don't know where that stems from. I know a lot of it is from certain areas of religion, there's all this guilt associated with it. And then it just kind of became part of our cultural dialogue. That just pleasure in general is yes. Something that we're not supposed to experience. And I don't know why, or if we do.
Yeah, we're breaking some rules for some reason, and I'm not sure why that's the general feeling, but I know at least again, this is all just my personal opinion. I feel like though, that I've had conversations about this with other people and everybody kind of has a different thing in particular they'll point to, but they kind of come to the same conclusion like that.
Felt like we weren't, it was something that we weren't supposed to feel or supposed to feel so that it was. Not ever a goal to reach it or understand, or, you know, it was more like self-denial was, was the, the goal, which I'm not really sure where that comes from, but it does seem like that is kind of the thing that we've all had to unlearn.
Dorothy Stover19:14
Wow. Yeah, I'm learning, that's a big one, especially when it comes to pleasure and what we like sexually and, and how we express love too. I think that is a big one. And so your background is with the sex toys.
I don't know if it was your favorite or your it's my favorite. I don't know if it was your first time. I meant when you, when you were hosting the sex toy parties, it was at our, at my house. And my mom came in and was like, what toys should I get? Like, cause I think she wanted to be super support. Like my mom's so great.
Like
Kelly Miller19:54
the first one, I think that was the first one. Oh my gosh. Yes. That was funny. That. And I'll never not, this is not that time, but this was, I was getting ready for another party. And I had, so you have this, you know, your kit, which has all of the toys that you have, that you're going to pass around to show to everybody.
And I had them all. Lay down on my bed and I was just making sure they were all cleaned up, ready to go and put in there a little bags. And my mom walked in, she just had randomly stopped by the house and she walked in and she just like, you should've seen her eyes.
Dorothy Stover20:28
Oh my goodness. It was
Kelly Miller20:29
really, but you know, the funny thing is, is that. She didn't like she didn't run away. She was like, oh, okay. Just started checking things out because everybody is curious. Right. We all, we're all curious. It's like, are we comfortable enough to publicly admit that we're curious and to admit to ourselves, a lot of times people don't even admit it to themselves, but yes, the the sex toy.
So you actually brought me to the first. Sexually partied that I had attended. And that of course, like five minutes into it, it was like, I want to do this.
I can't remember who was that? That wasn't for your brain. It was for somebody,
Dorothy Stover21:13
my friends. Well, I don't
Kelly Miller21:16
even say
Dorothy Stover21:18
it was for a friend and I, and
Kelly Miller21:21
it was so cool. I just I had. Seen it, I mean, I had been to stores and everything before, but I had not seen it done in this way where it was just a group of women kind of getting together, having fun and not being shy about talking about it and just, and.
You know, you're the goddess as they called it with, with that company, the person leading the party just made it so fun and put everybody at ease and thought it was the best way I had seen to venture into that part and to kind of start conversations and it gets people talking and sharing experiences.
And then also just taking a, again, another stigma away from. The toy aspect of it because toys can be so fun and they're absolutely acceptable to use. And it's not, you're not doing anything wrong by heightening the pleasure by introducing some toys. No matter what anybody may tell you, whether it's a partner or society or whatever.
So it was really cool to be part of that. And it just made me want to learn more. And and try to host some of those parties myself. And and I'm so glad that I did, and I, I wish I had done it for longer, but I still find myself answering questions about it because the minute anybody finds out that I did it, even for a short period.
They have questions and they they're like, oh, you did that well. Okay. So you're somebody I can ask about this. And I'm like, yes, absolutely. A hundred percent. It's like, people want to talk about it and they want ask questions. They want to know more. They just need somebody that they feel okay. Talking to about it.
Dorothy Stover23:02
It's true. Yeah. And I remember, so that party happened on Nam. Yeah, and we didn't have anyone here. And so there was someone that someone knew from the Cape and, and came over. And when talking with her afterwards, she was, I've never had a party like this. She was like, I've never seen so many women wanting toys and wanting.
Made more, like I sold more product she's like that I had in like six months, she was like buying party. She was like, this is insane. And at the boat trip, I was like, I'll do this anytime I'll come back anytime. And that does it right. Goes to your. You're what you just said about people are curious and they have so many questions and they just want someone right there.
And what questions do you have, have you received the most when it comes to sex toys?
Kelly Miller24:00
Honestly, it's it really varies. It's, it's really a lot of people that just they're like how, how, you know, what's the. First toy to get is really, probably the biggest one, because they're so curious, it's a little overwhelming, you know, when you're just kind of starting to look into it and and God forbid you put it in the internet and, you know, look up, do a Google search or something, then you're just inundated with things.
So and even if you go to one of these parties, there's a lot available and everyone's like, where do you start? I mean, some people. Are seasoned and they know exactly where to start and where they want to go with next, which is great. But but the biggest question is where do you start? And then, and for me, I just go.
What I, you know, personally how I wanted to start and what I thought was a good place. And so for women, it was just always some kind of clitoral stimulation, external clitoral stimulation, because I feel like that's a really easy one to start with. And so many women don't do that for themselves enough.
You know, it's a great place to start and it's an easy to use with a partner. And like the celebrator was one that we had that was. The top seller and it was, it looks like a toothbrush, like just set it on your sink and no one would know
Dorothy Stover25:30
I did. I backed back. Cause I was like, oh, I will totally go for this.
It
Kelly Miller25:37
was a good price point too. It wasn't going to cost you an arm and a leg. And it was a great, I just felt like it was a great place to start. Nice little baby step. And then every, you know, then it kind of progresses from there and it's like, yes, they want to know which ones are going to be best for interactive partner play.
And then there's a lot of questions about anal play because everyone's really nervous about talking about that. So that's like the whisper in the back corner questions, but. But, yeah, so that would be, those are the in order kind of the way they would go. And, and the great thing is, is that within the world of choice, there's an answer for all of those questions.
And it really is a matter of experimenting and kind of trying different things out. And that's why there are so many different ones out there because no. It, like we said earlier, there's, it's not a one size fits all thing. There's going to be something different and people are going to find different things, fun and pleasurable.
And so that's why it's great that there are so many different options out there. And once you've opened yourself up to the possibility of introducing these things, then. It's just endless fun
Dorothy Stover26:49
ways, right? Because it say the celebrator, right. It's used for this one. It's mainly used for that one click tutorial, simulation. So many other ways that you can use it. The whole body is a sex organ. So, so many different ways and, and on your partner as well. So,
Kelly Miller27:07
absolutely. And that's the thing it's, that's why I always really.
That one kind of being the introductory because yes, you can use it for what it's meant for, and then you can kind of start to branch out and then you're like, Ooh, well that I would like to have that felt in that spot. And like, is there a toy that's more specific for that? And then you go from there. And so so yes, that was, that was a super fun thing.
And I would love to get back into that world and see what new and fun things have come out since the last time. I was, I was doing it because there, you know, new things all the time, I feel like I'm missing out. I need to get back
Dorothy Stover27:46
into it.
I've got FOMO. So do you think Tennessee is ready for it?
Kelly Miller27:54
Oh, that's a good question. I honestly, I do. There's a lot of. I feel like it's a bit stifled down here, but the people are ready. There is that inherent curiosity. And they may not feel like it's okay. But if they were presented with the opportunity.
I feel like there are plenty of people that would, would jump on it down here. Certainly enough people have said that to me. I don't know if it, if it actually happened, if they would follow up on it, but I think they
Dorothy Stover28:22
would. I mean, if you have enough people asking questions, then that, to me, that's the universe saying that's spirits.
This is the path like this is a path for you because if you that's, I mean, they say for entrepreneurship, your sweet spot is what people will pay you for what you like. But then also what do people ask you questions about? Because whatever someone's asking you questions about clearly thinking to go to, to get my questions answered.
Gotcha. So to me, whenever someone's asking those questions, it's because God's like, yep, this is there. This is your person. And they're trying, and the universe is trying to send those signals. And so, yeah, I agree. I definitely think you're so good. Right? Like you are. Well, well, you're a mom, you're a wife and a mama, and there are lots of wives and moms out there that are like, I don't feel sex drive, or I don't feel connected to my partner or like, I need help with wanting to spice things up or make things a little bit different or they need some that has gone through it.
Right. If I, if I, if I can teach all day, but I haven't gone through it, I'm not married. I don't have children. I can spend all day doing whatever I want.
Kelly Miller29:43
But you are a wealth of knowledge. And honestly, this has always been a team effort for me because it's because of stuff that I've talked about with you and learn from you that I would even have the first, you know, place to start with a lot of this stuff.
And honestly, I don't know how much it has to do with me. It has to do with the fact that yes, I have done that before. And I'm not embarrassed to talk about it. And like, we've been saying this whole time, people. Want to talk about it, they just need like an in, right? So if you just give them a little Inn, then, you know, people want to learn more about this or more about themselves and, and be able to kind of deepen their relationships and connections in that way and just experience more pleasure because we're human and we should,
Dorothy Stover30:26
our bodies literally.
And thank you for the compliment. It's a two way street, right? We've been clearly our souls have come together and. For, you know, this many reasons, but this I think is a big one. Absolutely. And yeah, I mean, our bodies are built for pleasure. So it's, we literally can have an orgasm from just having your ear stroked so you can have
Kelly Miller30:53
only people understood
Dorothy Stover30:54
that you can have a mouth orgasm.
You can have, like, you can. And it's not, it doesn't even have to be sexual pleasure. Right. Cause we can feel pleasure and joy just by like watching. Right. Like watching the world so much. Pleasure. Enjoy. I know
Kelly Miller31:12
it's your brain, right? It's knocking these things in your brain. And if you can just open yourself to the possibilities.
Then yes. I mean, there is so much that you can experience and feel and how that manifests in your body. And it's, it's really the brains. The place to start
Dorothy Stover31:31
is there's. Have you watched Dean, like I'm just throwing out all the movies.
Kelly Miller31:36
Have you watched I'm going to feel terrible because I probably haven't but throw
Dorothy Stover31:40
it out there.
Have you watched any dangerous. No. And
Kelly Miller31:46
you've told me to watch that for years and I still have not watched it. This is know what I've been doing.
Dorothy Stover31:54
So for a long time, I didn't really like it, but it, I know. It's one of my favorites and I feel very connected and I know I've had past lives during that time.
And it's a time of the black plague and venison and of the Venetian cortisone. And and hopefully I said that, right. You know, I have my speech impediment, so I can't, I don't necessarily, but anyway like the high end prostitute is essentially they're educated and they're educated. So. The mistresses and cortisones of, of Italy are able to be educated, but even high born women were not allowed to be educated and it's so right.
Like where someone's value is and how there was that. And she, she mentions to isle essentially there's a scene where all the Y. I asked her to come to their house and they're like, what's going on with our husbands? Like, what is it about you that makes them come to you and like want you over us? And so she essentially goes into the fact that our, for education she's.
Has been educated and she's like the greatest tool woman has is her mind.
Kelly Miller33:17
So yes, that's it. And so many ways. I mean, that was a whole other level, but yes,
Dorothy Stover33:26
I went off on a tangent, but it's like our brain. Right. It's so complicated. But then also not in the sense of yeah. We can get turned on by somebody just by like a text message or by, and we can get into our heads.
That's a whole other thing, right? Like it's the fantasy that sometimes we have, that's not actually the reality.
Kelly Miller33:52
Right. But, and, you know, kind of like the dangerous beauty situation, intellectual stimulation too. I mean, there's. Every person again is different. And so it's like, what really will turn people on varies so much, you know, and if, and I think oftentimes even with things that we enjoy, we don't necessarily let it go to that place because we're like, oh, that's weird.
That's a weird feeling to associate with this conversation. And so kind of shut it down. But imagine if we didn't do that, like all of the things, all the different ways we could let ourselves experience.
Dorothy Stover34:26
Yeah, and that I have I spoke about a client in another episode where taking ownership of our pleasure and how we're not in charge of.
Partner's pleasure. We're there to support it, but we're not in charge. Like we can't dictate whether or not they're going to feel good, but we certainly are there to support it. And it's the same for our own pleasure and particular client was their partner took ownership of their pleasure. And one big thing.
I was talking, they needed like constant talking. They needed to know every little thing that was happening. What are you doing now? What am I doing now? Tell me what I'm doing now. Like, and for some people that can be, yeah, they need the mental stimulation more than say the physical stimulation.
Kelly Miller35:22
Right. And that's, and just being open to that possibility and kind of trying those different things out and seeing, you know, if that's the thing that works for you or, you know, whatever it may be.
That's, that's what. It's so great about kind of being in the point in your life where you're really exploring all of those things and, or just giving yourself the time and space to do that, whether it's on your own or with someone else, or just, just kind of being open to how you personally experience pleasure, and then, you know, kind of what to do with your partner, what to ask for, you know, how to direct someone and it just opens up a whole different level.
And it's a, it's a constant, I mean, I've, I, by no means have, have this all figured out, but it is definitely, it's a constant learning experience and, but it's fun. It's
Dorothy Stover36:15
a fun one. It's the best. It's yeah. It's such a great experience and there's so much self-growth and healing that can happen from the sexual self exploration.
Exploration expiring. And he
Kelly Miller36:31
said, that'd be a good way to go, but try not to do
Dorothy Stover36:34
another movie. No, just kidding.
Kelly Miller36:39
I like there are a few that might touch
Dorothy Stover36:40
on that one. There's a couple that come to mind, but I'm not going to, because we could talk all day. I know for you and I, we can talk for hours and hours and hours. We absolutely
Kelly Miller36:50
can. We absolutely can. That's right. This would be a very
Dorothy Stover36:54
long podcast.
Please tell me, you'll come back. A
Kelly Miller36:59
hundred percent. You can't get rid of me. You know, this
Dorothy Stover37:03
I'm so glad. So we've come to the time of just a little segment. I like to call just the tip and this is where the guest or myself share a tip. It can be anything, it doesn't even have to be necessarily on what happened or what we spoke about today.
But if there's something that you want to share, That tip that you can give. I mean,
Kelly Miller37:27
I feel like I will stick with what we were talking about and it's, it's just the tip. Just see how it feels. And I mean, really, I think it is, it's about seeing how things feel. Right. I would say the best thing that I've let myself do is really kind of sit with my feelings about the different possibilities of exploring pleasure and letting myself.
Be okay with that and not feel embarrassed by it. So I would say to definitely try to remove the embarrassment from your feelings surrounding pleasure and self pleasure and talking about it with a friend or a sibling or a partner. And it's really just trying to take those baby steps and. Shake that, that stigma off and open up this whole world of, of fun exploration.
And it's, it's really, it's a good time and we all owe it to ourselves to do that. So, so that would be my tip.
Dorothy Stover38:31
Wow. That's that landed on me. I appreciate you sharing that. And that's a great tip. I am very, that is a wonderful opportunity. Well, I want to thank you so much, Kelly, for being here and taking the time, especially I know.
You know, you have these three babies are not babies, right? They're no longer babies. They will always
Kelly Miller38:57
be my babies.
Dorothy Stover39:00
I want to thank you so much for taking the time to be here and to talk and to speak so openly as well. I really appreciate that. And thank you.
Kelly Miller39:09
Thank you for having me and thank you for always being that person that I can speak openly with.
I very much appreciate it.
Dorothy Stover39:15
I love you. This was fun. This was so fun. I look forward to the next conversation.
Kelly Miller39:23
Definitely. Always
Dorothy Stover39:26
until next time. Peace, love and pleasure. Bye.