Road To Redemption
Road To Redemption
Finding Hope and Healing: Valerie Peterson on Grief, Faith, and Eternal Perspective
Have you ever wondered how to keep moving forward after experiencing a profound loss? Valerie Peterson, a licensed mental health therapist and author, joins us on "Road to Redemption" to share her deeply personal journey through grief following the passing of her husband. Inspired by a moment of reflection during a minister's sermon, Valerie's latest book, "Eternal Perspective: Our Family's Journey Through Grief and Loss," captures the raw emotions and significant moments she and her children navigated through journaling and mutual support. Valerie offers powerful insights into how one can find solace and purpose amidst the turmoil of loss.
Discover the profound impact of dreams and visions in the healing process, as Valerie recounts a touching dream that brought comfort to her grieving family. We discuss the importance of truly experiencing grief rather than avoiding it, and the complexities that come with forgiveness during such challenging times. Valerie also shares her wisdom on maintaining an eternal perspective, grounded in Christian faith, and the significance of supportive friends and community groups. Reflecting on biblical teachings from Joshua 1, this episode is a compelling narrative of faith, resilience, and the enduring power of an eternal perspective in times of sorrow.
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Welcome to Road to Redemption, a show sharing powerful life testimonies, giving hope to those on their own road to redemption.
Speaker 2:Welcome to Road to Redemption. I'm John Martin, your host, and I'm so excited to be with you today. Today, we have Valerie Peterson in the house. How are you, valerie?
Speaker 3:I am great, I'm so glad to be with both of you, and I have coffee in hand and we're going to just sit and talk.
Speaker 2:I love it, I love it.
Speaker 4:We've got Drew with us. Hey, thanks for having me. I'm glad to be here. What a blessing to have you in the studios, Valerie. Thank you.
Speaker 2:And I know you and Drew have done a few great shows. I know that have helped a lot of people. And Valerie we were talking the other day just you know about you have a new book out, which is very exciting, so we wanted to talk a little bit about that. First, though, tell us a little bit about you. I mean, you've been on the show a lot, but just give us a little background on you.
Speaker 3:Well, I'm actually gosh. Most importantly, I'm a mom and a grandma. I have six grandchildren now, john, which is just such a blessing. I'm a licensed mental health therapist in private practice with Destin Counseling, and I go into the path of grace, which you well know, and I love that. I love my career, I love what I do for a living and I'm just blessed. That's basically it. I'm from New York State. My husband and I we picked up the kids and moved them down when they were young. It was a call to be down here trained up in ministry and, as you well know, my husband passed three years ago and so you know we've really my kids and I and my grandkids have really walked through a grieving process. So I'm thrilled where I'm at today, and we wrote a book, as you well know, called Eternal Perspective.
Speaker 3:Our family's journey through grief and loss. So it's, it's published and it's out. So, john and Drew, I'm thrilled, I'm at this point once again.
Speaker 2:Well, and I know that you've been a counselor and you've come on the show and talked about grieving and I was so just really impressed, I guess, that you were ready to write this book. You know, because you went through a lot of grieving and you wrote this book, eternal Perspective, which I got a chance to read and it's a great read. I wanted to just start off and ask what made you decide to write this.
Speaker 3:Well, interesting enough, it was a year after my husband died and I was flying back from my nephew's wedding in New York and actually in my car, and I was listening to a minister and he said, actually it was a female. She said ask the Lord, what is it that you haven't done that I've called you to do? And so I'm just sitting there driving thinking, well, I'm doing everything he wants me to do, Kind of prideful, to be honest with you. And suddenly she asked again ask the Lord, what is it that you haven't done that he's calling you to do? And by that small still voice I heard the book and after my husband passed, I'm a journal or I prayer journal, and so I have dates and I have emotions and I speak to the Lord. Well, it was just. I can see why he called me to do it, because it was.
Speaker 3:It was still hard but I did have my, my actual, actual dates and notes of when things happened and it really did help, if that makes sense. But my kids came alongside. I don't know what I would have done without them. They, as you well know, they gave their input on how they got through Jeff's death. So that was a blessing that we kind of went shoulder to shoulder in this journey. So, if I can say one more thing, something that I've seen in private practice in families is when one person in a family, when they've had significant loss, has a dream, significant loss has a dream, has a vision, something from the Lord, it helps the entire family. So we started praying early on that we would have dreams that we would hear from the Lord. And it's amazing, as you well, know your daughter had a dream.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Tell us about that.
Speaker 3:It was my daughter, caroline. They were all back at my house and suddenly she gets up and she goes. Wake up everybody. I had a dream about dad. So she runs into my husband's office and grabs a picture when he was probably mid-40s and she brings it into all of us. We're all, like you know, half awake and she said this is what he looked like In the dream. She's overlooking a body of water and suddenly she heard my husband, jeff, call her name, caroline. So she turned around and she, as you read in the book, she describes his embrace, that peace that far exceeds human understanding. It was a heavenly hug, wow. And then he prayed over her and he spoke to her and he said I heard everything. He said I heard everything.
Speaker 3:Now he was intubated and therefore we couldn't be there the last week of his illness because of they wouldn't let us in because it was COVID. So, long story made short, we put his. The nurse would put his phone by his ear and we would all conference call His family in New York and we would all conference call and pray over him and speak to him. So he said to Caroline in that dream, I heard all and I know all. So that was. I can't tell you that dream to all of us, was very comforting.
Speaker 2:Yeah, amen.
Speaker 3:Very comforting.
Speaker 2:Well, I wanted to ask you a little bit about the grieving process, something you wrote about in the book I think you talked about. You have to go through it. I think some folks that are going through grieving they want to bypass that, you know, and maybe they can try that through just in our busy world, getting so busy and just getting through it by being busy and just. But talk to us a little bit about the grieving process and is this something you can bypass or do you have to go through it?
Speaker 3:You know from the work I do, I really believe you have to walk through a grieving process and you're probably like thanks, val, when I say this, but there's something about we've got to feel to heal. I've got to be honest, even in my walking through grief, as I shared in the book, I wanted to bypass where we had lived and all the memories with the kids and the grandkids. I wanted to bypass that community. I didn't want to drive in. It was too painful, and I finally got to a point that I was like I need to do this and did I cry? Oh yeah, oh yeah, as I drove by the community pool and the places that we walked and all of driving through as hard as it was, I needed to do it and now I can go back there. Is it hard still? Yes, but we can try to deny, we can try to ignore, we can. If I could say anything there, john God really wants to walk with us through the grieving process I love in Psalm 66,. It says I laid burdens on your back. Grief is a burden, but I brought you. It says through fire and water. He's going to bring us through it If we allow him to help us. There is that spiritual component of allowing him to help us walk through the grieving process.
Speaker 3:Now, does anyone walk through it exactly the same? No, and don't let anyone tell you you're going to walk through it just like they did, because we don't. We have our own journey through grief and I've got to say, on the stress scale in the mental health field, the number one stressor is a loss of a child, before the loss of even a spouse. We've got to remember that we're not supposed to. Someone's not supposed to lose their children. Therefore, we've got to remember that we're not supposed to. Someone's not supposed to lose their children. Therefore, we've got to you know that that person may grieve differently than than someone's that's losing an aunt or an uncle. We've got to be aware of that.
Speaker 2:But yeah, well, I wanted to talk a little bit about forgiveness Because in the book, something that I related with, I'm a highly analytical person and I'm always trying to play out all these scenarios and thinking I can actually control them, which I can't. But I remember in the book where y'all were going through this during COVID and gosh. I know that had to have been so hard, but I think there was some, something in your mind, probably and I might be wrong in thinking you know, did we get Jeff the best care, like we could have sent him here or there? And I think the pastor said this was Jeff's appointed time. I think he said you could have sent him to the best place in the world. It was his appointed time. But just in the process of really talking about forgiveness though because I know it's it's natural people going through grieving they want to start playing out the things that went wrong, you know, and it could be easy to blame the hospital doctors, you know. So talk a little bit about that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, as you saw, my daughter and my son-in-law are in the medical field. Therefore, you know, they even took on more responsibility in his care and, as you probably remember, my son-in-law, jake, because he had done his residency at UAB, got a flight to come down. He had done his residency at UAB, got a flight to come down and they got him to the runway you know the ambulance but his vitals turned south. Therefore, they had to take him back to the local hospital. There that you know, we all were like if we had maybe done that a day or two sooner.
Speaker 3:You know those, those um and and, because UAB is more of a specialty hospital, they were doing things with COVID patients a little bit different than maybe a local hospital. And so, just like you're saying you you need to look at, do I have any bitterness or unforgiveness towards anyone, a hospital, a doctor, because God does not want us to carry that. Why it can keep us. It definitely can keep us stuck. You know, once again, we want to go through a process of grief. Anything you want to say there, do you agree?
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh yeah, I just I do think that, cause we've been doing a lot of these shows lately on loss and I think there's a reason for that One we did. One of them recently was loss of a child. You know we had that with Chantel and I just have sensed that there's probably people that have to deal with forgiveness and did they do things wrong? If they had done this differently, would my child still be here and I just sense the Holy Spirit saying you have to totally forgive.
Speaker 3:You know what, and some of it, john, is normal in the grieving process. Like, let's say, the mom that lost her daughter in a car accident, it's you know, she would probably go, man, if I had held or had dinner a little bit later, then she wouldn't have gotten on the road. Some of that, and even what we walk through, I really believe, is somewhat normal in the grieving process of looking at, oh man, if I had done this differently. You know so, but we just don't want to get stuck in it, we don't want to. And there in, like you said so, is the concept of forgiveness powerful. Yes, father God, help me to forgive, maybe myself, forgive other people Even. Sometimes, john, it's forgiving the person that passed. It can be or forgiving God. Why didn't you save?
Speaker 2:them yeah right.
Speaker 3:Why didn't you could have, why didn't you? And on that note, you know that song back in the day by Amy Grant, you know it says in a little while oh yeah, that's a good one yeah.
Speaker 3:In a little while we'll be with the father. Can't you see him smile? In a little while we'll be home forever. In a while we're just here to learn to love him. We'll be home in just a little while.
Speaker 3:Once again, the title of this book Eternal Perspective Our Family's Journey Through Grief and Loss, when we purpose to look at things from more of an eternal perspective than temporal, it helped us, because you know this life here there's so much more. There is eternity that you know we kind of I do, and Drew and I talked a little bit about this before the show. My daughter, caroline, and I were talking on the phone just a couple months after my husband passed and I said, caroline, I just am going to ask the Lord, why didn't you tell more, talk more about eternity in the word of God? And she said. She came back on the phone and said, mom, if he shared all the details of eternity, people could worship heaven and want to go to heaven because of what it's going to be like instead of worshiping him. And could that maybe be truth? I think eternity is going to be far greater than we could ever think or imagine.
Speaker 2:Amen, I agree, and especially just having Aliza, our recent guest, that kind of had some glimpse of that and her kind of out-of-body experience and other folks that have shared that have seen heaven. What they say it's like, it's just beyond words. But why do you think it is Valerie, that more folks don't live in an eternal perspective? In today's world? I just see very few people doing it, probably including myself. World, I just see very few people doing it, probably including myself, and that's a question you know that we have to ask Christian believers.
Speaker 3:Why are we not doing this? Yeah, why are we not looking at life like we're just pilgrims, walking through this life, walking through this life? This isn't our final destination, and if we can have that mindset, it's powerful. Why people don't? I think we can get so caught up in what's going on in our lives that it does take some, I guess, being intentional about.
Speaker 3:Father God, help me to see my life from more of an eternal perspective.
Speaker 3:Help me to see, and when you're, when I'm I have to be honest, when I was walking through grief and such intense grief and my heart was broken, that helped me living in the day, not focusing on too much in the future. But I can get through this day, I can keep my eyes on eternity, I can fulfill my purpose in this day. You know how it says in Matthew six don't look at tomorrow. Tomorrow will have enough issues of its own. Stay in today, as I purposed and I still try to purpose, just living life in today and if we can keep that eternal perspective, that this, once again, is not our home and can we take as many people with us on this journey through this life. You know, I don't know about you, john and Drew, but I'm seeing a lot more people, I think, questioning, I think, with what's going on in society, in our world. You know, so often, let's say, when I go through a drive through, I'm just like, hey, how are you? I hear more. Ok, just OK, I don't know about you guys.
Speaker 4:You say OK, yeah, you're not.
Speaker 3:Yeah, absolutely Great, right, I think people are sensing like maybe some unrest and questioning, and that's where let's take Father God. Help us to take as many people with us to eternity, right, amen, but anyway, yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, and too, you know, in heaven. The scriptures tell us there is no marriage in heaven. Right, I mean, that's what I remember. I mean our spouses are there, but marriage, we're not married in heaven anymore. We're just there with, you know, with Father God and with the saints, and so I think a lot of us I know I'm going off a little bit here, but just we get caught up in, you know, the marriage we have here and it's important, Obviously, this is, you know, who God put us with, but in heaven there is no marriage anymore, you know, and I don't know if we think about that much, but so you know, I want to say to that, you know, after Jeff passed Joni Lamb of Daystar Ministries, you probably remember she lost her husband.
Speaker 3:Marcus Lamb yeah, so she brought on a lot of people that had been written, wrote books, had experienced heaven. So I really tuned in, like I was like whoa, you know, and I. I just think that, from what I understand, we really truly do go on living.
Speaker 2:Yeah, in our eternal bodies we have a heavenly body and we're, we're there, I believe, believe, you know, we're there with our spouse and our parents and all this, but this world way we're living on earth is does not exist there, you know, and and we're there with jesus and um, it's, it's just such a great thing, well. Well, let's talk now, as we're coming towards the end, for folks that are listening. They're going through grief. What things can you offer to them that they can do to help?
Speaker 3:You know, bottom line, don't go through it alone. Have somebody. Have those people that are going to go shoulder to shoulder with you and choose those people that are going to keep your confidence, that are going to be good listeners. You know, if I could say anything, john and Drew, I didn't want a pat answer. I didn't want someone to spiritualize. Oh, you know, god needed Jeff more in heaven than he did on earth. I just really wanted those people that were going to sit with me, listen to me, encourage me, pray with me, find that person. My dad would always say one true friend is better than a thousand acquaintances. And what I love about this church, small groups are really promoted. And find a small group. That's so true, for if you're walking through a significant loss and I'm pretty sure they I don't know if they're gonna this fall, but literally have a grief support group they usually do they do so don't do this alone.
Speaker 3:I wanna remind them that. Look at Joshua 1. He kind of gave Joshua a template what to do with the loss of Moses. You can imagine they were all grieving. What did he say? Meditate, so think on my word day and night. He said. Be strong and courageous. And he said I'll never leave you or forsake you. I'm with you wherever you go. Now that to me the morning after my husband passed, god led me to those verses and I still read them in the morning today. Okay, I can be strong and courageous today. I can meditate, I can think on his word, not just in the morning, day and night. It says and you'll be prosperous and successful. And I can remind myself he's with me wherever I go. It's pretty amazing to think about. Those verses really comforted me in those initial days and months after his loss.
Speaker 2:Well, for men that are listening out there, I'd like to give some advice, as I listen to Valerie, about just the importance of people that go into grieving just to be there and to listen, because us men we want to fix things and we want to just come in and just say do these things and it's going to be all better. And we want to fix that situation and the best thing we can do is just really say nothing, just be there, for if it's anybody, male or female, that's going through this, just be there and listen.
Speaker 3:It's so good we can't fix it.
Speaker 2:It's a process.
Speaker 3:So just a little add on there that is so good and you know, john and Drew, seen a lot of couples in the work that I do. Do you know how often I hear that, like the female saying to the male you don't have to fix it, I just want you to listen, I just want you to be there present with me so that you just said that is a good reminder. Today, and women on an average talk 14,000 words a day, men seven. So the wife is going to talk more and being a good listener is is just so important, definitely.
Speaker 2:Valerie, what, what else do you want to share about the book or anything else that that our listeners might want to hear?
Speaker 3:You know, I want to remind our listeners that he is your constant companion through difficulty. It may not even be the loss of somebody, but it may be another significant loss like a move or loss of a job or finances. There's so many things. Loss is a part of life and just to remind you, he wants to get you through whatever you're walking through today. And if you can ask him to come in to your situation, ask him to come in to this day. You know I love in 1 Thessalonians 5, 16, it says pray without ceasing. What does that look like?
Speaker 3:We can have a conversation with him throughout our day, doesn't have to be just in the morning or just at night. He wants a dialogue, not just a monologue. He wants to talk back and he wants us to hear from him also. So bring him in, invite him into your pain, invite him into whatever you're walking through today, because he wants to help you and he wants you to even relinquish whatever you're walking through today, because he wants to help you and he wants you to even relinquish whatever you're walking through. Say help me. Today I'm going to hand this pain that I have in my heart or whatever is going on, this situational stressor. I'm going to ask you to come in and help me today. I think he loves it, definitely.
Speaker 2:Would you mind saying a prayer for anybody that might be going through sure, this right now definitely, father god.
Speaker 3:We're just thankful that you know the details about every single person listening in today and we thank you, lord god. You have the hairs numbered on their head. They're fearfully and wonderfully made and that, whatever they're walking through today, you promise in Isaiah 41, 10, you say behold, I am the Lord, your God, who takes you by the hand, and you say do not fear, I will help you. We ask you help those people today that need you today, like we all do, father God, and we ask that in their weakness and in our weakness, you promise that you'll be our strength. And we just give you all the praise and glory, and we ask this all in Jesus' mighty, mighty name. Amen.
Speaker 2:Amen and folks. We've been visiting with Valerie Peterson and just talking about her life and her new book, eternal Perspective Our Family's Journey Through Grief and Loss, and it's a great book. What I was telling Valerie earlier, I really like that. You made it a short book. It's a readable book. You made it a short book. It's a readable book. You know you put it in a book that people can read and get through and really get a lot out of this book. So I just commend you on that.
Speaker 3:Anything else you want to share, Valerie, before we go. You know people can go to my website, ValeriePetersonorg and just click and it goes right to Amazon. So that's another way, and my other booklets are on there. They can look at those.
Speaker 4:So, yes, yes, I just started it. This morning, before you got here, I was thinking maybe I can get in a chapter and I did not realize how blessed I was going to be. I was in tears and greeted you at the door and just, it's an amazing book. I just started it and thank you for sharing your story, valerie, and thank you for coming in today.
Speaker 2:Well, and one idea I have too, as folks are looking to start small groups, you know that maybe you've been going through a loss. You could get this book and do a small group around this book. It's a book that's very readable, as I was telling Valerie, and it would be great for a small group. So maybe one of these grieving, grief share type groups could go through the book or just get parts of it or something. Just an idea.
Speaker 3:Yeah, because we do have a part on if you're going through grief, some suggestions on how to get through it. So you're right, it's not just our story, but definitely some suggestions.
Speaker 2:Yeah, definitely it's. It's been great, valerie, and thank you so much for coming in. It was a great show today.
Speaker 3:Thank you, so good to be here, good to be with you both.
Speaker 1:You've been listening to Road to Redemption, sharing powerful life testimonies, giving hope to those on their own road to redemption. If you have any comments or questions, we would love to connect with you. You can reach out to us at destinyradiolive. Thank you for listening and we'll see you next week on Road to Redemption.