Road To Redemption
Road To Redemption
Overcoming Anxiety - Monica Guajardo's Road to Redemption
Monica Guajardo's journey is a testament to the power of faith in Christ and resilience in the face of profound loss. Join us as Monica shares the story of her and her husband Dan's remarkable path, which has taken them from the halls of Oral Roberts University in Tulsa to Hagee Ministries in San Antonio, and now to New Life Church in Santa Rosa Beach. Monica candidly opens up about the heart-wrenching experience of losing two loved ones just weeks apart, highlighting how their steadfast devotion and belief in a divine purpose have guided them through life's darkest moments. This episode promises a heartfelt discussion on the importance of aligning with a higher will and remaining steadfast during life's unexpected transitions.
In a deeply personal segment, Monica reflects on the emotional challenges of caring for aging parents, shaped by her experiences as a daughter of a military father and a dedicated nurse. She recounts the demanding journey of managing her parents' healthcare, traveling frequently between San Antonio and McAllen, Texas, to provide support during their final years. The narrative sheds light on the tireless dedication and emotional toll of caregiving, offering listeners an honest portrayal of the resilience required to face such challenges. With stories of faith, love, and enduring strength, this episode resonates with anyone navigating the complexities of caring for loved ones while maintaining faith in the journey ahead.
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Welcome to Road to Redemption. I'm John Martin, your host, and we're so excited to be with y'all today. We've got a very special show. I have Val Peterson with me and our guest today is Monica. You'll have to pronounce your last name.
Speaker 2:Guajardo, guajardo, or Guajardo, oh Guajardo.
Speaker 1:Oh, beautiful. Well, thanks for being here. Valerie, thanks for bringing her in. I look forward to hearing more.
Speaker 3:Yes, and we're just grateful as we talked about it. It's like sitting around a table and just chatting. And, monica, you have a tremendous testimony and you know we want to touch base and talk about grief today and you had two significant losses in a short period of time. So we want you to talk about that. But can you first tell us about you and how you know you're here in Santa Rosa Beach, how many months I've only been here four months.
Speaker 2:I think we came July 4th. We came during that weekend busiest time here. We didn't know that many people could be in a city at one time. Everybody loves to come here, but it was good. It's beautiful, yeah, so about four months we've been here and uh where are you from?
Speaker 2:I am from texas, my husband's from new mexico and, uh, we met at oral roberts university in tulsa, oklahoma um, wonderful christian university. Um, I studied nursing there. So I graduated with my rn, my Bachelor's of Science degree in nursing. My husband was in education administration, ended up getting his doctorate in leadership, educational leadership and we were there 30 years. By the time we left he was vice president over student life.
Speaker 2:So everything outside of the classroom and I did all my nursing things from ICU to surgery to OR, to home health, to working with the elderly loved my career in nursing, yeah, and so we, after there was, we were there, like I said, 30 years and then we felt a transition coming and we got a job in San Antonio, texas, with Hagee Ministries, john Hageagee, cornerstone Church, and my husband was chief of staff there, and so that lasted seven years. It was a great experience, it was wonderful. And then God was like, okay, we thought we were going to stay in Tulsa forever. We thought we're going to stay in San Antonio forever, and then I've learned to just don't even say that, because all of a sudden, god moves you, yes.
Speaker 2:So then we decided we knew it was time to go. We wanted to follow what God wanted. We were going to go to a different part of Florida and back to university life, but then, through a mutual friend, god led us to Santa Rosa beach. And we are. We've been here, like I said, four months working with Pastor Sean Baker at New Life Church, and so my husband, dan he is executive pastor there, and so we find ourselves here now and it's beautiful. I can't. It's paradise here. We love it. We love it, but just a lot of training, a lot of things we've been through throughout the years and we know we're supposed to be here, we know it's our destiny.
Speaker 3:We know it's our destiny. We know it's our destiny. She's talking about you, john. I'm thinking of the verse in Psalm 37,. The steps of the righteous are ordered by the Lord. Look at how. But you two, you and Dan were yielded to. Okay, we're sensing a shift here. And you just kept going where he led.
Speaker 2:That's pretty that's amazing, gosh. We had the fear of God to get out of his will. We only want his will for our life, because that's what it's about. We don't, we don't ever want to lose, lose sight of that or get off track. There's no way.
Speaker 3:So, um yeah, Love it, love it. Talk about the losses that you have dealt with, so significant and six weeks apart, correct. Yes, talk about that today.
Speaker 2:So two years ago my dad was in the military and I traveled my whole life but we're from Texas and so he went through a lot of physical training, a lot of things, and he had a lot of physical issues and stuff later on in his 80s. Primarily, my mom was good but she started having some other health issues. So, to make a story short, she ended up going first, but for those last two years I, being the nurse, was having to really travel a lot from San Antonio to McAllen, texas, and be there and be in charge of all their doctor's appointments and help them with everything they were doing and seeing the suffering that they were going through, because there was a lot of suffering, a lot of physical suffering that they went through.
Speaker 2:So that already had me on edge, you know, with stress. And then those last months it was nonstop. We were all rotating, me and my siblings, and being there with them. My mom ended up going first, which we didn't expect, and being there with them. My mom ended up going first, which we didn't expect, and then my dad, he went home with the Lord six weeks later and it was physical issues, but it was a broken heart. It really does happen. I saw it in nursing many times where the spouse would not last. I mean, they were married over 60 years, almost 65 years, and my dad was just heartbroken, he couldn't be without her, he wanted to stay here with us, but we he, we kept telling him it's okay, go home, go home and be with mom, and so all of that, and then having a funeral and then another funeral and then clearing the house I think was was just that final thing for me, because you're you're holding it together. You're on, as you know, val, fight or flight, mostly fight.
Speaker 2:Adrenaline is up here and stress levels are up here and clearing their house and going through every last thing of their belongings and who gets what, and it was just overwhelming.
Speaker 2:And I thought I was okay. We got through that, by the grace of God. I don't even know how we did two funerals at once and did everything that we had to do. When I got back home to San Antonio I was like you know, I feel some anxiety, but I'm okay. And then it just hit me and I had an anxiety attack. I didn't know what it was. I had to.
Speaker 2:My husband had taken me to urgent care. I just knew something was wrong. I wasn't thinking clearly, my mind was just foggy and I was like I don't know what's happening, but I just can't think right. And so at urgent care they said she needs to probably see a psychiatrist and get on some medication. And I was like I finally started thinking better that evening and my husband was helping me and I was like I don't want to do that. I don't know I take care of people that do that. I don't want to go to a psychiatrist, I don't want to get on any type of medication. But, um, by the grace of God, my husband pushing me and me being in nursing and knowing that God uses medicine and therapists and counselors and doctors. It's ingrained in me from ORU because it's body, mind, spirit, whole person, education.
Speaker 2:And I was like, okay, but I don't want to have to do this, you know. And so, but we did, and we found an incredible psychiatrist who got me on some anxiety medication because she said I had to come down, that my brain got used to being at a level that it got comfortable at, but it was wasted and tired and it got sick and I had to stay there. It stayed there and I couldn't get it down. I just could not bring it down and so that was it. You know, that's what led me to that anxiety attack, and so it was hard. It was really hard. I didn't want to feel it.
Speaker 2:Anxiety. If anybody's been through anxiety, it's a horrible feeling. You feel like you're going to die. You're overwhelmed with fear. You don't know how to get through it. You know, and, um, but God, you know, and so it's. That's that's the first steps that I started taking. Obviously, the most important was God and his word and praying through it. Um, and knowing that it was okay to that. It's okay to see a doctor, it's okay.
Speaker 2:I went to a counselor. After that Great support system that were helping me to push through this. I thank God she was a Christian counselor, which is a double plus. You know, and they have ways to help you that you don't know how to do, and there are tools and techniques you know whether it's deep breathing or just different things that they would have me go through. I was like, oh my gosh, I'm reorganizing in my brain the trauma, because my doctor had told me it was like a PTSD, basically because I couldn't forget all the things that I saw them go through and I couldn't get it filed in my brain right, and so they did all these different therapies that helped me and it was incredible.
Speaker 2:And so you mix that with. I got spiritual help as well body, mind, spirit, right, besides my own prayer and my faith and reading God's word. I went to these ladies that were trained in healing and deliverance. They're called SOZO. I had never these ladies that were trained in healing and deliverance they're called SOZO I'd never heard of that. They're some mutual friends that said you've got to add this to it. So, combining all of that seeing my psychiatrist, seeing a Christian counselor going to see these ladies that was the icing on the cake, because that was like we went through everything and they just knew how to do that and how to just get things settled with everything and to go through the things in my life, the fears that have gripped me so much, to just kind of get that and get delivered from that and just give it to God. And so it was a process. It's a process.
Speaker 3:And that's what I was just thinking. You know, as you were talking, I was thinking of the verses in Psalm 66. It says I laid burdens on your back I don't know if you agree, monica, but grief is a burden. And it says I laid burdens on your back and I brought you through fire and water.
Speaker 3:But, I'm bringing you to a place of rich fulfillment. What happens is, if we allow him to take our hand, as it says in Psalm 41, 10, he takes us through the process of grief. He doesn't leave us in it, but it is like you're just describing. It's the only way. From my perspective is only way out is really through it.
Speaker 2:You have to go through it. You have to go through it and, like I said, it's a process that doesn't last forever. I'm so glad I'm on the other side of the severity of what I went through.
Speaker 2:But grief going through grief and then anxiety hitting you at the same time. I was like what is happening? I didn't understand, you know, but I understand better now. But yes, it is a process and yes, you have to go through all these steps and the good thing, and what I want to encourage people with and people that have gone through this, is that you will get on the other side of it. It's not going to last forever.
Speaker 2:Joy comes in the morning. One of the things that helped me the most to get through this process, like I said, was God and his word and a friend of mine who had been through a lot of anxiety horrible anxiety, um and people that understand. It's so nice when you hear their testimony, cause you're like I'm the only one going through this, no one knows what I'm feeling, but when other people tell you, no, I've been through and I got through it, wow, yes, you know I can say that now, and and she was just telling me how, when she was going through the severity of feeling that anxiety, she just started writing down five verses, like every week, five to 10 verses, and kept a journal.
Speaker 2:And and your brain, your, your brain is kind of foggy when you're going through some of this sometimes, and so you're feeding your mind the word of God, so that kind of you're working your brain right. You're you're memorizing, because you're you're meditating on this word and you're memorizing, so that's making your mind clear. At the same time, you're putting God's word in your heart so that you can better fight the enemy when he comes at you, because it's a battle of the mind, as you know, he's always going to tell you you're, you're going to get worse, you're, you're so scared it's not going to go away, you're never, you know. And so you're, you've got that word in your heart and you're memorizing it and learning his word to get through it.
Speaker 2:And so it's a triple whammy. You know you, you know how to fight better with that. And that, right there, doing that every week, memorizing his word, learning it, gave me more tools to fight and to get through it. And um, every time I would feel overwhelmed. When there were episodes, because it's different episodes and all of a sudden something will get you more scared or a memory will come.
Speaker 2:As I was working through it all, I would go in my prayer closet and I would quote these scriptures do not be anxious about anything. God is giving me peace, peace that passes all understanding. He's guarding my heart and my mind. Peace of mind and heart. Don't be anxious, like I said, don't be afraid, don't be discouraged. Be strong and courageous. I'm with you. I will uphold you with my right hand. I will get you through this. I'll never leave you, nor forsake you. We can do all things through Christ, who strengthens us.
Speaker 2:I could go on and on with the verses. I didn't feel it at the time when I would read those and I would memorize them and meditate on them. I didn't see it. I'm like, well, I don't feel your peace right now, god, but you say you're going to guard my mind and give me a balanced mind. You say you're going to give me peace. You say that you're going to get me through this, that you're going to get me through this, that you'll never leave me.
Speaker 2:But I don't. I don't feel it. I don't see it, but I would, I was like. But I know in faith that you're going to do it, because your word says it and and it's your promises, and your promises are intact. They're true that you don't forsake us. And every single time Val God came through. Whether it was a call, whether it was something, my husband told me whether it was a scripture, I saw whether it was something on a commercial on TV. I mean, he speaks through so many different ways whether I can't tell you what it is, but he would just bring me that peace that I needed so bad in those times to get through it. You know, and you keep going through that process, but that was something that helped me tremendously, was his word.
Speaker 3:John, did you notice that she said in several different ways you quoted scripture from Joshua 1. And I look at. You know, moses, my servant, is dead. Joshua was going through significant loss and what did he say? Like you said, he'll never leave you or forsake you. So you knew that. But it said meditate, think on my word, not just in the day, but in the day and the night. You knew that throughout the day, as you thought on, as you meditated on his word, that healing was going to come. And I just sense someone needs to hear that today.
Speaker 2:Yes, absolutely Don't stop. Keep pushing through, because you have to keep learning about God and his nature and getting the mind of Christ, and that comes through learning his word, that comes through prayer, that comes through getting the help that you need and fellowship in church. And as you do that, it cultivates the mind of Christ in you.
Speaker 2:And when you have the mind of Christ in you, your mind is healthy. Just like you eat the right foods to get your body healthy, you need nutrition for your mind, and so you're cultivating that mind of Christ to bring God to others and to bring healing to others and to know that you're strong enough. As you learn more about him and he's in your heart and you're meditating, you're holding on to his word that you're going to get through it. I didn't think I would many times, but I did.
Speaker 3:And.
Speaker 2:I cannot stop thanking him. I'm so grateful that he pulled me through. Yes, I'm sorry.
Speaker 3:And how I look at it is here. Your pain has become a platform. Look at how you're sharing with, encouraging others, because we've got to admit, death loss is a part of life. It is Thank God for, and I can tell you just have an eternal perspective. This is temporal. This is just temporal. We're just pilgrims going through. This is not our home, right? You're going to see your parents again.
Speaker 2:That's the hope that we have in Christ right, that's it. And it is Val. It's all about growing through trials. I know his word more than.
Speaker 2:I've ever known it. I have the tools equipped from not just his word, but from all the different areas that he told me to go to, from my therapist, from my psychiatrist, from the SOZO ladies All of that brings whole health and healing. And to go through all of that. When you go through things like this, you become so much stronger. You have the tools to fight it. Now I have his word in my heart now more. It's why we go through trials. And then the other thing it's not just about us and what we go through. Yes, he helps us and he's so faithful. I can't stress that enough, how faithful he is. He will get you through. But it's about helping others, like you said, it's about helping others to know they're not alone. You're going to get through this, but you can't stop. You can't. You have to keep going. You have to keep walking with God because I'm telling you he will show himself to you.
Speaker 3:He will show himself. What would you say to the listener that today is just feeling stuck in grief? What would you say to them?
Speaker 2:Reach out, get help. Don't stay there. There was times that I just wanted to stay home because I just felt like I couldn't keep going. Get the support that you need In my case it was my husband, my kids, my counselor. Get out, get distracted. He would get me out of the house, drive me around when I was overwhelmed because it just feels overwhelming at times and go to church. Read the word. I don't care how you feel. I didn't want to go to Bible studies at my church at that time. I didn't want to meet up with people, but I did it, and I felt horrible physically too. I had a lot of issues as well because of the anxiety, but I pushed through and did it because that's what God says to do and to trust him. You're not by yourself. He's going to get you through it. So don't get stuck. Get that help, get that therapist. It's okay. I want to emphasize that because I know it's like a stigma.
Speaker 2:I had to be on Xanax for a while. I I had to be on Xanax for a while. I didn't want to. I had to take Buspirone, an anxiety medication, for over a year, but it's a time frame. You're not going to be on it forever. My mind said, oh, I'm going to have to. The nursing mind was like, oh my gosh, I'm going to get addicted. Oh my God, I'm going to have to take it forever. And my psychiatrist. It was a situational experience for now and I had to trust. I had to trust the professionals, I had to trust God, and every day I took that pill and I was like I don't want, and then I I don't want to, but then it turned to. Thank you God, thank you God, thank you for the help that you brought me, thank you for the people that that that helped me to be accountable. Thank you for you and speaking to me in ways that I've never heard you before. It's so good.
Speaker 2:And you know.
Speaker 3:So, just keep going, don't get stuck, you know I love how Joyce Meyer says just do it, afraid you had to do it.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 3:Even though it was uncomfortable, even though you were afraid, you stepped out and did, and I think someone needs to hear that today. Do it afraid? Yes, afraid.
Speaker 2:Yes, and my psychiatrist told me, anxiety causes anxiety, because when you're feeling it and the symptoms you feel with it and what you're going through with it, it causes more anxiety and you can get I would call it a vicious cycle. Uh-oh, I'm starting to get symptoms. Oh no, oh no, it's going to take over. I'm not going to be able to get out of this. Nope, nope, no, I am, and I would go to, and I would just go to prayer and I would read those words that I wrote down, all those verses that I wrote in my, in my journey. I still do it to this day. I, every week, I write down new ones and I'm getting those words in my heart because there's triggers and there's things that remind me.
Speaker 2:You know, it was grief and anxiety. I miss my parents. I was so close to them. There's things, as you know, that bring that back. Or, oh, you're starting to get a little anxiety, oh, you're not thinking right, something's wrong and that's just the enemy, because I know I'm past it, I know that I'm healed, but you have to have that, the word of God in you to fight and to be that warrior that he has called you to be and to know the mind of Christ and be more like him. That's what it's about.
Speaker 3:You know I love the verse in Romans 12 to be transformed by the renewing of your mind in a moment. I don't know if you know, when I was going through my own grief I knew if I could get a word and just say it underneath my breath, even at work, over and over, I would calm because our thoughts affect the way we feel. The way we feel affects the way we see ourselves in the world around us. You know I would calm because our thoughts affect the way we feel. The way we feel affects the way we see ourselves in the world around us. You know I want to say about you finding a counselor?
Speaker 3:I think someone needs to hear this today. Talking to somebody objective is an indication of strength, not weakness. It's easier for all of us to go in our same old patterns of living. It takes strength to go talk to somebody.
Speaker 2:It really does.
Speaker 3:So do it, even if it's uncomfortable to our listeners that are maybe struggling with anxiety and grief. Go find someone to talk with and someone objective or a mentor, somebody. There's something about just talking things through, right.
Speaker 2:John.
Speaker 2:You don't realize what they have to offer. Look, god gave them gifts to work with. He gave me the gift to be a nurse and to help others. I can't do therapy, I don't know that, but God has gifted them to do that. I didn't want to go, I didn't want to do it, but I did it. But I did it, thank God. Thank God he helped me to do that and I understand it so much better and how crucial and important it is. Don't be afraid, just do it. Like you said, do it in fear. Do it in fear. One of the verses that meant so much to me, besides a million of them, because there's so many.
Speaker 2:And I remember it was on my birthday, I think almost a year after they passed away, and it's I give you a gift Peace, peace, the peace the world cannot give Peace of mind and peace of heart, and I have held on to that. It's a gift that he gives us Peace of mind and heart. Didn't feel it always, but he did it. And joy. Hold on to the joy through those hard times. There's always joy. There's always joy. I don't care if it's something, somebody we know, nature of what God does, a dinner with someone, something you're watching, there's always joy and joy is your strength. And someone told me that when you're going through this, find the joy.
Speaker 2:Yes, keep a gratitude list right down, so glad you said that even if it's.
Speaker 3:I can walk, I can talk, I can see and I can hear. If you have to start small there you go, keep to it, go back to it and go wow, there are things I can be grateful for.
Speaker 2:Gratefulness and thankfulness. I can't thank God enough. The words don't express it and I tell him that, god, I don't. There's no words to tell you. Thank you for getting me through this, but thank you for when I was going through it, that I'm okay, I'm still going. You gave me wonderful parents. I had them for many years.
Speaker 3:Um, I have a wonderful husband.
Speaker 2:I have incredible kids I have. There's so many things. You cannot stop being grateful and gratefulness is a key to to having that sensitivity towards Jesus and to open up your heart towards him, because it keeps you out of pride and arrogance. You're grateful all the time. There's so much to be grateful for.
Speaker 3:I feel just called to say the verse in Philippians 4, and you've kind of made reference to it, but it says be anxious for nothing.
Speaker 1:What does that?
Speaker 3:say I refuse to worry about a thing. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and petition with Thanksgiving. That's the secret. Make your request known to God, and the peace of God that far surpasses human understanding will keep your heart and your mind in him.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, the secret's Thanksgiving. It is a secret, yes, it really is. Yes, he'll give you that balanced mind, that mind of Christ. But that's my life verse, since I went through nursing school and I was dying in nursing school. How hard it was. That right there, but it does. It encompasses everything. It encompasses everything. Thank you, Jesus.
Speaker 1:Wow. Well, I'll just say, my anxiety has gone way down just listening to this show. I mean, I'm just like Me too. It's really you know and it helps to talk, to do like you've done, monica, and to make yourself vulnerable. Be transparent and talk just like you did when you went to counseling. When you come in a talk like this, it brings down your anxiety, just by sharing, being transparent.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:So it's helped me. I've got nothing, I mean, I'm just being blessed by being here.
Speaker 2:This has been so great. Thank you for the opportunity.
Speaker 1:Yeah and it's so funny because you were as you were talking, you actually said two of our takeaways that we have, so I only have to say one now. You already said you said to encourage folks to start reading the Bible, reading God's Word, so thank you. And then you said to go to church, which is one of ours, to go find a Christ-centered church, and we tell people give it one year of your life, we promise it will change your life, and the last thing that we tell folks is to get into a small group in your church and a group of folks you can be accountable to, and that's another form of counseling, really.
Speaker 3:You know, in the small group, just sharing with them, and it is so, so it's been great.
Speaker 1:Wow, this is just it's. It's a topic that needs to be talked about. Anxiety and grief it is really affecting a lot of people, so I know that many folks are going to be blessed by the show.
Speaker 3:I agree. I agree, especially as we're going into the holidays, grief is real and loss is real.
Speaker 2:And it's hard.
Speaker 3:That's where memories come, so we just hope that it's these words your words, Monica are really going to encourage people today.
Speaker 2:Thank you. Thanks, monica, thank you.