Road To Redemption
Road To Redemption
Managing Holiday Stress with Joy Makela
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Welcome to Road to Redemption, a show sharing powerful life testimonies, giving hope to those on their own road to redemption.
Speaker 2:Welcome to Road to Redemption. I'm John Martin, your host, and so excited I've got Valerie Peterson our co-host today. We have a special guest. We're very excited. I'll let you introduce our special guest today, valerie.
Speaker 3:This is an honor to have Joy Makala here. She's just a dear friend. She is a licensed mental health counselor in the state of Florida. She's also a licensed school psychologist. She is a wife, she is a mother and she is the owner of True Joy Counseling in Niceville, florida. Welcome, joy.
Speaker 4:Thank you, val. So good to be here with you too.
Speaker 2:Thanks, yeah, we're so excited, just our conversation before we came on was so good. I was just I was like gosh, we got to get you back like many more times, but I know today what were we going to talk about today, Val.
Speaker 3:Definitely holiday stress. How to deal with holiday stress. Yes, joy in what you do as you own, true Joy, counseling but you also see patients there. So what are you seeing in your work today concerning the holidays?
Speaker 4:and stress. Yes, lots of stress, lots of anxiety, lots of hustle, bustle and a lot of busyness. That's what people are coming in saying I'm just busy, I'm just busy, I'm busy and I'm tired. They are being impacted by this level of stress I want to share with the two of you.
Speaker 4:As I was thinking about what we were talking about today, I went back to the story of Martha and Mary. It just popped in my mind of these families that are just trying to do preparations, trying to get their house ready, trying to shop right, the commercialism of our holidays and Christmas, and it really made me think about the story of Martha and Mary. Can you envision Martha just trying to prepare to host Jesus? And she's getting distracted. It says in Luke 10, 38,.
Speaker 4:Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. And she went to Jesus and said Lord, don't you care that my sister is just sitting here and left all the work to me? And what did Jesus say, right, he said? Martha said Jesus, tell her to help me. And Jesus said Martha, martha, you were worried and upset by many things, but few things are needed, indeed, only one. Mary has chosen what is better and it will not be taken away from her. What did Mary choose To sit To soak in Right, and it made me think about these really stressed families. They're doing all these busy things, yeah.
Speaker 3:But the answer's right there and we're going to remind parents today. Your kids are picking up on your stress. Yes, they, you set the stage, parents, for peace in the home. Right, joy, right. What's the verse? Where there's strife and division, it opens the door to agony and homework. Right. When you sense there's strife instead of peace this Christmas season, what can you do?
Speaker 4:Yeah, again, I'm going to go back to Luke 10, 38. What were the reminders that? Jesus said he set the boundaries. We talk often about setting boundaries and managing expectations, don't we Val? Right, right, right set the boundaries and manage expectations.
Speaker 3:Jesus set the boundaries, set the boundaries and manage the expectations of what he wanted to see happen in that situation so, parents, you cannot bring your children any further than you've come yourself, absolutely so you're setting the boundary for your children. Your children don't remember Christmases as they are growing up, or whatever age.
Speaker 4:Is it filled with anxiety and strife? Is it filled with peace and calm? Exactly.
Speaker 3:Right. He says what in the word my peace I give to you, not as the world gives, but as I give. Right, we've got to seek his peace. Even we both have adult children. They're picking up on our stress if we have it, and they're going to pick up on our peace. Right, john? Right when we have it.
Speaker 4:We're setting the stage for the entire family, generationally. I'll even put in your grandchildren, right. So, as you as a parent, who are adult children, are setting the stage for that peace, some of that tradition that calm, our adult children are picking up on it, and their children's children, right. So it is a generational thing, exactly, to have peace around Christmas. The other thing that really came to me in that verse and in that story of Martha and Mary was Jesus accepted imperfection. He was not saying let's get up, let's get up, let's get this house ready, let's get the meal prepared. He was not saying let's get up, let's get up, let's get this house ready, let's get the meal prepared. He said sit Right, I've got a word, I want to relax and have fellowship. He accepted imperfection. How big is that this time of year when people and families want?
Speaker 4:everything to look perfect. It's got to look perfect. It's got to get the perfect gift. It's got to have the perfect decorations. It's got to look perfect. Got to get the perfect gift. Yeah, got to have the perfect decorations. Yes, got to set the perfect meal and the perfect table and again, manage the expectations right out of the mouth of Jesus.
Speaker 3:And as we teach our clients, our patients, that perfectionism, you have dichotomous thinking that goes along with the perfectionism Right Either I'm good or I'm bad.
Speaker 1:Oh, the house looks gorgeous, or no? It doesn't.
Speaker 3:So finding the middle ground. No, I didn't get all those Christmas cards out this year, but it's okay. That self-talk, that self-dialogue. No, didn't make the perfect dinner, but it's okay Finding that middle ground.
Speaker 4:Right, jo, absolutely. I always remind my patients we have New Year's, you can send out New Year's cards, and if you don't get them out by New Year's, valentine's Day is right around the corner.
Speaker 3:That's it, and if you can't do any of it for a year that's okay too, that's it. That's okay too Be easy on yourself, and I just really sense the word today. Pace yourself Right. I don't know if you're seeing just that rushed the busyness. Go, go, go, go, go the busyness. Pace yourself Right. And if you don't get it all done today, you know the verse in Matthew 6, don't look at tomorrow, just stay in day. If you didn't get it done today, you have tomorrow.
Speaker 4:Well, again go back to what Jesus did. He slowed down, he wasn't buying into what Martha was doing and preparing, and, being distracted by the preparation, he said unplug, right, this is our modern term.
Speaker 3:Unplug.
Speaker 4:Unplug. He was saying slow down, sit down, calm down. The message is very, very clear yes, sit down, calm down.
Speaker 3:The message is very, very clear yes, incredible, right? I just sensed too I was thinking of a dear friend that they just got so overwhelmed with the cost of gifts. This was several years ago and I thought this was such a creative idea. So when they got together as an extended family and they usually would get gifts for everyone, they called it the brown bag Christmas and they all put a gift in a brown bag for all the adults. They put it on the tree and everyone went and you know, they know what it was, and picks, you know, a $30 gift from under the tree. Be creative, start new traditions this year.
Speaker 4:Absolutely Right of the tree. Be creative, start new traditions this year absolutely right. Well, they make apps now for extended family members to do secret santa gifts on phone apps, so again talk about using technology. I know we just said unplug but we can use technology in an appropriate, positive way to do just exactly that, to do do a secret Santa gift exchange, and the app will do the work for you. So use technology appropriately.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah.
Speaker 4:And I was thinking the other thing that came to mind with this first and the story of Martha and Mary, of the simplicity of it, of just accepting a simple get-together hosting something that's just simple, a simple meal, Because think about the first Christmas. It was pretty simple. It was pretty simple, wasn't?
Speaker 3:it, oh my goodness, in a manger.
Speaker 4:A few guests. I mean, they were big guests, but just a few. There wasn't a huge meal being prepared, we weren't, you know, decorating, we weren't doing all these things. So, reflecting back on the reason for the season, we hear that phrase, but the first Christmas was very simple, very humble, very focused on fellowship and celebration. Yeah, that's so good.
Speaker 3:As you're talking I'm thinking of Psalm 46, 10,. Be still, and know that I'm like just be still, Don't rush it If you don't have a full dinner that you had planned for people to come over. Do something different, right? Go to Whataburger, Pick up.
Speaker 1:You know you can do something.
Speaker 3:Have food delivered to your house. Just it's okay if it's not perfect.
Speaker 4:Can the presence of just being present with one another and sharing fellowship be the gift that, in a lot of families, can be the gift? Yes, and to focus again, what was Jesus saying to Martha and Mary? What's the focus here? The focus is the celebration of their birth, of our Lord and Savior.
Speaker 3:Not lose focus of that and keep it simple Fellowship can be the gift. With someone listening, david, let's say joy is just totally overwhelmed. Yeah, with a holiday season, maybe working full time, whatever. Maybe young kids what would you say to them today?
Speaker 4:I would go back to what you just said earlier what piece or portion of it can you do? We don't have to do it all. We don't have to do it all. If you've got 10 things on your list, can you do half? Can you do a third? What would make you comfortable with and it goes back to that dichotomous thinking the all or nothing, the black and white? I've got to do all 10 things? No, you don't. You really don't, you really don't. And then here's what I would say to some parents as a reminder that the kids don't notice. They don't notice. They don't notice the perfectly decorated house or the imperfectly decorated house. They notice the presence, meaning your presence with them, time spent together. They notice the fellowship, they notice the love.
Speaker 3:But don't you think some of it is to impress other people? It may not not be, and if that's the case, right, we have a choice. We can please god or we can please me. Who are we going to choose? What? Which one are we going to choose? I love that verse because it always keeps me kind of grounded, like okay, yeah, this may you know, look good to people, or please people, but, lord, what do you want?
Speaker 4:here, and I can promise you, god's not looking for the perfect Instagram post, right? How many are seeking that Like? This is going to be the perfect Instagram post. This is going to be the perfect shot. This is going to be the perfect Christmas tree that I can post. This is going to be the perfect pile of presents under the tree, or my perfectly dressed kids in their matching pajama. That God is not looking for, that perfect Instagram post.
Speaker 3:It's so good. I was, you know. As I was sitting this morning, I was like what would the Lord say to us about Christmas If he was sitting right here right now? What would he say to us? What would he want us to do this Christmas season? Do we ask him, lord? What can I cut out? Or how can I be less anxious? What can I focus on? What can I focus on, you know, joy, as we teach our clients and patients, where the mind leads, the rest of us is going to follow. So what are you saying about your situation? What are you saying about Christmas this year? Can you be aware of what you're saying? And maybe, what does it say in Romans 12 too? Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
Speaker 4:Stop that thought and say no, things do not have to be perfect this year, right, right, right, we can just celebrate the gift of having company over, or the gift of fellowship, or the gift of having coffee with friends, right?
Speaker 3:it's it's simple.
Speaker 2:It's going back to that simple gratitude and I think part of what came to my mind about what we can do is try to connect with others that because we're in such a fallen world right now a lot of people are struggling, you know, with suicide thoughts, depression, drug, you know, drug, just all this stuff is out there. A lot of people are just trying to get through the holidays and mask. But we can show the love to those people you know, uh, that are going through that in our family, or just anybody we might see as we're going throughout our day and try to spend some time with them, um, just ministering to them?
Speaker 4:um, just maybe praying for them.
Speaker 2:Um, you know, I think it's more, more time. You know, they just want to see that you care to stop and just for a minute and just say you know, is there anything that, um, we could pray about? Or, you know, just maybe try to slow down to just connect with people that maybe the Holy Spirit is calling us to connect with in the season.
Speaker 3:Because when we are, we call it in our field activity addiction. Right when we are so busy. I don't know about for the two of you, but for me, when I get so busy, I'm not aware of what the Holy Spirit is trying to tell me to do. Or hey, val, can you stop and spend a little bit of time over here with this person? I can't hear that because I'm so focused on my agenda instead of his agenda. Does that make sense?
Speaker 4:Absolutely. And then it's that vicious cycle of busyness. I'm busy, I don't know what it feels like to unplug, rest or relax, so I stay more busy and you just keep going and going back to. If we're racing around in physical presence of our body movement, we're racing around in our thoughts and our feelings as well, and I just I just said someone needs to hear this Apply self-care Just like when we're racing around in our thoughts and our feelings as well.
Speaker 3:And I just I just said someone needs to hear this apply self-care just like when we're on an airplane, in that analogy, when the air mask comes out, first over your face, then the toddler on your lap, with the person next to you, you've got to take care of you because no one's going to do it for you right, and as you take care of you, then and spend some time with the Lord and take some time away from the busyness, then you can be God-directed, then you can walk in peace, not stress, right.
Speaker 4:Yes, absolutely, self-care is huge, but it's often, as you know, being a counselor yourself, the last thing on the list in this holiday, christmas season is not taking care of yourself so that you can take care of others. It's go, go, go. And really the commercialism. I mean, we see it, we're bombarded by the messages on television, on social media, on all the screens that we take in. There's nothing saying hey, unplug this and turn to jesus.
Speaker 3:Right, yes, so, and maybe absolutely active activity addiction parents put some boundaries around your, your evening with your kids. And christmas, turn the phone over, put it up at a certain time and start some new traditions. This year, have, right, have the Christmas music going, watch a Christmas movie with some popcorn, you know Right, do those things together that your children are going to remember, right?
Speaker 4:Because, going back to what I said, they're not going to remember if your house was clean or not clean, or well-decorated or not well-decorated. They're not. They're going to remember making Christmas pizza Christmas Eve. That's our tradition because we know we're gonna have a big Christmas meal the next day, so we make homemade pizzas Christmas Eve and those are the things that my adult children remember. They don't remember if I had every right ball hung on the tree or every light. They don't. They don't remember that. They remember christmas eve pizzas.
Speaker 2:This is awesome well, I was gonna say too, my wife christine is gonna see this and be like thank you for john getting to hear this conversation because this is so for me, like all these things you're talking about the, you know, perfectionism and um being too busy, and just you, you know I struggle with these things, so this is like really speaking to me big time, and I know it's going to help a lot of other people too, but I can speak for my own.
Speaker 2:you know, having young children and wow, this is blessing me.
Speaker 3:You know I get a sense, john and Joy, that there are some people today listening that are really going through some severe situational stressors and I just encourage them to think on 2 Chronicles, 20th chapter, where the prophet said to King Jehoshaphat and all those people the battle's not yours but it's God's yours but it's God's. Try not to take on that. You have to fix some of the situations you may be walking through today. Can you trust God is working in the unseen on your behalf? The heavenlies are always at work.
Speaker 4:No matter what's happening here on earth, heavenlies are always at work, god is always at work. And you're right, val, we are hearing in our line of work. We've got death. Like John was saying, there's thoughts of suicide, there's anxiety, there's depression, and it doesn't go away in the Christmas season. And so I love that scripture, I love that verse.
Speaker 3:Just encourage them to read the entire chapter of 2 Chronicles 20, because it gives you just a reminder that praising God can help go through a season of difficulty, but also continuing to surrender your situation back to him and asking for his help.
Speaker 4:Because he's there and he wants to help us right. Absolutely, absolutely. This is a good show.
Speaker 2:it's been great and I I think, you know, as we're coming towards the end, we might really just pray for some of these folks. You know, because and all of us and our family, because we're dealing with these things and with Road to Redemption, we have kind of three key things we like to leave with people is is first, to open the Word of God, the Bible, and just right now you can do that. You can open the Bible or a Bible app.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:There are tons of them out there and just start reading His Word He'll speak to you right now. And then to get into a church. To go to a church, a Christ-centered church, during this season, and go Don't watch it on TV unless you're obviously not able to go medically but go to church, go to the services and go to a small group. Get in a small group. It's not too late. Even now there's still small groups meeting at Destiny. I know they're having a men's group meeting every Tuesday up to Christmas. So go to those small groups. Have an accountability life group that you can be vulnerable with, that can really speak into your life and connect.
Speaker 4:Connect. That's back to what you were saying earlier connecting.
Speaker 2:So let's pray. Let's just pray, dear Father. God, we thank you for the show, holy Spirit, thank you for guiding us and we just pray. Lord, for all those that are struggling with just the busyness of the holiday season, just busyness and stress, and even folks that might be thinking of thoughts of suicide. Lord, we just ask that you just come into the hearts of these people today and speak to them and let them know how loved they are, how cared for they are and just, lord, bring them your peace, bring them your peace during this holiday season and we just declare that everyone listening to this show is going to experience an incredible peace and joy throughout the remainder of this holiday season. We declare this over everyone listening right now and we just ask that you accept Jesus into your listening right now and we just ask that you accept Jesus into your hearts right now. In the name of Jesus, we pray amen, amen. Well, it's been a great show did y'all have anything else?
Speaker 3:I think we hit it all. I just really sensed what the Lord wanted to say was that it was thank you for having me.
Speaker 4:Yeah, it was good, so great, but I just really sensed what the Lord wanted to say it was sad, it was sad it was, it was Thank you for having me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was good, so great, so good.
Speaker 1:You've been listening to Road to Redemption, sharing powerful life testimonies, giving hope to those on their own road to redemption. If you have any comments or questions, we would love to connect with you. You can reach out to us at destinyradiolive. Thank you for listening and we'll see you next week on Road to Redemption.