Road To Redemption
Road To Redemption
Godly Parenting in a Digital Age - Valerie Peterson & Joy Makala
The deepening influence of social media, technology, and worldly values on children has created unprecedented challenges for parents trying to raise kids with strong spiritual foundations. In this eye-opening conversation, licensed mental health therapist's Valerie Peterson and Joy Makala share transformative insights on positive parenting through a biblical lens.
Joy begins by addressing a fundamental truth many parents overlook—we naturally parent as we were parented, unless we intentionally choose a different path. Rather than relying on societal messages, she points to Scripture as the ultimate parenting manual, emphasizing that parents must position themselves as their children's primary spiritual influencers in a world full of competing voices.
Prayer emerges as the cornerstone of effective parenting throughout the discussion. Joy encourages parents to "get on their knees" to seek divine guidance for their children's unique journeys, sharing powerful perspectives on how spiritual intervention provides wisdom beyond human capability. She and host Valerie Peterson explore practical ways families can document prayer requests together, allowing children to witness God's faithfulness firsthand.
The conversation offers refreshingly practical strategies for creating meaningful family connections in our digital age. From establishing "low-tech, no-tech" times to creating dedicated family nights and meal times, listeners gain actionable steps for fostering genuine relationships. Joy's insight that "boundaries communicate love" provides a compassionate framework for setting limits that protect children's long-term wellbeing.
Perhaps most counter-cultural is Joy's emphasis on prioritizing the marriage relationship over parent-child relationships. "The greatest gift parents can give children is a strong marriage," she explains, challenging the child-centered approach prevalent in today's society. This foundation of family stability requires intentional effort but yields profound benefits.
The episode concludes with a heartfelt encouragement to find community support through mentorship, small groups, and church involvement. No parent should attempt this challenging journey alone—the corporate anointing of spiritual community provides refreshment and strength for every season of parenting.
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Welcome to Road to Redemption, a show sharing powerful life testimonies, giving hope to those on their own road to redemption. Welcome.
Speaker 2:This is Road to Redemption, and I'm Valerie Peterson. I'm glad you've joined us today. We have an amazing guest with us. We have Joy Makala. She's a licensed mental health therapist, she is a school psychologist and also she is the owner of True Joy Counseling in Niceville, florida.
Speaker 3:Welcome, joy, thanks for having me, valerie, so glad you're here.
Speaker 2:And is this fun, or what?
Speaker 3:We've been doing this a while, haven't we, my friend?
Speaker 2:And we've just been in the same field. We love to talk and look at the issues today that need to be addressed, and today we're going to be talking about positive parenting. Everyone needs just tips for positive parenting, and so you know John Martin and I were talking about you'd be the perfect person to have on. We had Joy on in November and we did a show on dealing with holiday stress. We needed you there, girl. We all need that. We all need that. So let's start. If you could say, well, I want to start and say I look at, parenting is the most difficult job and no training manual.
Speaker 1:When a baby is born.
Speaker 2:There's no training manual in the hospital room. What happens is we tend to move towards right. Joy, yes, what we saw growing up, Absolutely Until we have some healing in maybe some areas that were not so good.
Speaker 3:Right, absolutely right. We parent the way we were parented. That's all we saw. That was the role model, as you said. That's what we see, and if we don't do it that way, sometimes we do what society shows us to do, and that's not always great either. The manual I like to remind parents when we're doing counseling is the Bible. The Bible tells us a lot of great parenting tips. Yes, I hope we can talk about some of that today?
Speaker 2:We sure can. And to start, what would you say to the person listening in is your biggest concern in what you do for a living? What would be your biggest concern as a therapist working?
Speaker 3:with families. I think it's not only my biggest concern as a licensed mental health counselor, but my concern at just living on earth is the influence of peers. Other parents that maybe haven't figured it out aren't as godly as we'd like, that don't have the same family values, aren't as godly as we'd like that don't have the same family values. Social media there's so much out there that influences our children, our teens, our young adults. That isn't from God, isn't godly, isn't from the Bible, isn't spiritual. So the influence of that is my greatest concern.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think about when we grew up. There were no, there was no social influences, None. And tell me, we did a show years ago on helicopter parenting. It was such a good show, but we kind of compared it to the 70s and what it's like today so different.
Speaker 3:Parenting was so different the free range parenting what we call right. You send your kids outside play, come back when it gets dark, when you see the street lights on. Now we don't let them walk to the end of the street to stand for the bus to come and pick them up.
Speaker 2:So what would you say to the parent that really struggles with helicopter parenting today?
Speaker 3:I think, trust God. You and I've talked about this so much. Right, we don't know the plan, the purpose for that child. So we've said get on your knees, pray, pray for that intervention, that spiritual word of what is the plan, and then trust. Trust, god's grace and goodness, that there is a plan for this child and it will be a good plan. We're promised, right, the scripture promises us as parents and people that there will be a good plan.
Speaker 2:You know this is my perspective, but the greatest gift we can give our kids, being parents, is to get on our knees. Yes, because God Almighty knows far more than we could ever know about our children. We may have three children, we may have five children, you may have one child, but think about Jeremiah 1.5. Before I knit you in your mother's womb, I knew you Psalm 137, that he was the one that weaved each of us together in our mother's womb. We're fearfully and wonderfully made. Parents need to get. The plan has already been set for that child. So we need God's mind and clear direction on how to raise them. So I love in 2 Corinthians 12, where it says my grace is sufficient. In my weakness he is my strength. Therefore, when I am weak, then I am strong. Do we dare to go to him when we're like I don't know what to do with this child, I just don't know what?
Speaker 3:to do and we've been there? We've been there, haven't you and I? We've raised children. We've been there. We know that, beyond what we're able to do humanly, we need that spiritual intervention. We talk about mental health interventions all the time right, that's what we do for a living Right. Talk about mental health interventions all the time right, that's what we do for a living right. But that spiritual intervention only comes when we're on our knees in prayer, in collaboration with the Holy Spirit.
Speaker 2:And parents need to get. There's no greater force Someone said this, claire Ogle said this to Jeff and I years ago there's no greater force than a mom and dad coming together in agreement for their children, even more than if one the husband and the wife, went to their minister, because there is the covenant before God, but covenant as a married couple.
Speaker 3:But think about what happens in business. Valerie, right, we go corporately together, we have a corporate view, a corporate vision. Our family can be that corporation and come in corporately together and pray, right, yes, pray together with that covenant and that corporate view of collaboration with the Holy Spirit Powerful.
Speaker 2:Powerful. You know, I look at the verse one will put a thousand to flight, but two will put 10,000 to flight. Maybe you're a single mom. Can you find another mom that really wants to work on being even a better mom, because we all have room to grow? He's the one that will continue to do a good work in us until the day we meet. He meets us, we meet him face to face. So we, if you have someone you can come in agreement and pray with, or a small group of moms that really want to work on being a better mom, he, it's powerful.
Speaker 3:It is incredibly powerful. But then even think when the kids are old enough and, where appropriate, include them in that corporate prayer as part of the family Right, get them on their knees with the parents. Hey, we're struggling with this. Go to God, Be vulnerable as parents Again in an appropriate, age-appropriate way. I love it.
Speaker 2:I always say that healthy families do talk, do trust, do feel, do hug and do resolve, and so I love it that you're saying, as a family, share with them age appropriate. Hey, we're going through this. Let's all pray about it.
Speaker 3:That's powerful, absolutely. It gives them a glimpse into and then gets them out of that perfectionism. That's powerful, absolutely. It gives them a glimpse into and then gets them out of that perfectionism. Society's already posting and tweeting and all the things on social media about these perfect parents or perfect families or perfect people and we know we're not that so at a family level coming in and saying we need to pray about this financial situation. Again, age appropriate we can't stress that enough right Age appropriate, for we're having this financial struggle and we can't send you to that. You know, thousands of dollars worth of kids camps over the summer. But the kids can be part of that corporate prayer and make it very, very powerful.
Speaker 2:I love in Stormy O'Martin's book the Power of the Praying Parent. She talks about just what you're saying and even writing down, as a family, your prayer requests. Yes, and so your kids can see that God is answering prayer. Now I remember doing this with my. I have to share with you, so each child I would individually. We would sit down in the fall and write down our prayer requests for them and it was so funny, like in church, joy, they would go. They knew that that was in the back of my journal and I just remember Mitch going Mom, mom, god answered that. You've got it right there when it was answered they're on the lookout. They're on the lookout that God is faithful and it's a way to look back when you write down your prayer request with your children to say he is faithful. It's good for them to see that right it is.
Speaker 3:And what you're doing in that, valerie, is influencing them right. When we're talking about social media and we're talking about all these social influencers, don't we want to be the first influencer and the largest influencer, so that what you just described, it ties it together, of being the spiritual influencer of your child's life? Love it Right. Demonstrating prayer, prayer journals, prayers answered. You're influencing them prayerfully, beyond what society is influencing them.
Speaker 2:And I want to say, if you haven't read Stormy O'Martin's book, get that book, the Power of the Praying Parent, along with, if you have adult children, grab her book on adult children. You know, raising Adult and Praying for Adult Children, both of them are so good. Yes, what do you say to the parent that is struggling with being on his or her phone all the time?
Speaker 3:The parents on the phone or the child's on the phone. No, no, the parent. Oh, low tech, no tech time. I mean whether it's dinner time, meal time, family time, prayer time. Right, insisting on low technology or no technology time, it's got to happen. That's the only way human connection is going to happen. When we get the screen out from in between us, so good.
Speaker 2:You know, I just recently was talking to a couple and the husband said you know, to his wife, I feel you're distracted, I feel that there's something else in between us as a family, and she was willing just to put her phone away at night. They came up with a corporate time that they were all going to put their phones down and do something as a family.
Speaker 3:I thought that was just, and that leads to another positive parenting tip I have I made my kids put the charging station for their phones in my bedroom at night and charging station, all three of them. They had their own plugs line them up. We're talking tablets, cell phones, laptops, any. We're talking tablets, cell phones, laptops, any. Again, low-tech, no-tech, because no technology is needed at night. You know we get the excuse of, but mom, I use it for the alarm clock. I can buy an alarm clock, right, we don't need a phone in there for alarm clock, but again, it disturbs their sleep. They're checking if they're. Again, families don't have the same rules that I have in my house and their kids are texting my kids or no? We we were able to eliminate all of that and having that um, low tech, no tech time, especially at bedtime I love that.
Speaker 2:I love it. I have this memory of walking the beach, you know, just walking the beach and and there was a sweet man and daughter about five years old. They were walking the beach, coming towards me and you could tell he was on a business call and they walked by me and I walked pretty far, turned back around, they walked by me again and he was still on the phone.
Speaker 2:What a blessing phones are People can work remotely, on and on but that's self-control, I guess I would say Joy to enjoy your children. You have one opportunity to spend quality time with your children and I just read a really good article that typically about age 10 and 11 is when there's other influences in your children's lives Coaches, peers, you know. Suddenly you get into high school girlfriends, boyfriends. You have this window. Yes, grab that window, use it and enjoy your children's company.
Speaker 3:It means accepting that you're going to be the influencer right, accepting the challenge that I'm going to be the spiritual influencer, the family values influencer. We use that word everywhere in our society. Now, everybody's an influencer and if they're not, they want to be. So I encourage the parents right to be your children and your family's spiritual influencer, the way everybody else is pursuing your children in this world.
Speaker 2:It's so good. Yeah, you know once again. Parents, your children are watching you. You are the role model concerning your marriage, concerning technology, relationships, Relationships, women to women relationships. Your daughters are watching you Absolutely and they're going to move towards what they saw and how you interacted with women.
Speaker 3:Get off your phones and enjoy your daughters, your sons, we say it in counseling all the time right, be present, be present, be present. What are you doing, what are you seeing, what are you hearing, what are you feeling, what are you tasting, if you're having a meal, and be present in that. And can we have that very human connection without the technology?
Speaker 2:I saw on national TV that there were a couple different restaurants. Excuse me that if you came in and gave them your cell phone, they would take 20% off your bill and they wanted families. These two restaurants and I don't know what's happened today if they're still doing it but they wanted families to interact around a table.
Speaker 3:What do you say to that? I think it's incredible, whether it's happening at a restaurant or near in your own home, right? Right, where you and I've talked about prescribing that meal time. Right, it doesn't have to be every day, valerie. It doesn't have to be every day, valerie, it doesn't have to be one day a week, two days a week, where you sit down and share a meal and put the phones away, put the distractions away and have conversations.
Speaker 3:Have you seen those? I use them in counseling conversation cards. These families can buy conversations cards and if it's awkward, right, and teenagers would love it to be awkward because then parents don't do it, right, mom and dad. That's so awkward I can't believe you're making me do that. But the conversation cards, if you don't know how to get it started, we make. There are products out there that you pull a card and you answer. You know an appropriate question. What was your favorite memory from childhood? What's your favorite meal that you've either eaten so many ways to connect and converse without the technology, without you know getting distracted, and just being present in that meal, and to play games together.
Speaker 2:You know, as you were talking, I was thinking, you know, when families, there's no physical touch, a great way, get twister, right, right, get twister and just interact on the floor with your kids. Yes, right.
Speaker 3:And then, when they get older, board games you teach them rules, which teaches them boundaries, which are another tip Boundaries Boundaries make kids happy. They understand how to make you happy with boundaries, they know what the rules are, they know how to stay in their lane, they know when they're going to get nudged or bumped or disciplined if they get out of their lane.
Speaker 2:Boundaries very, very important disciplined if they get out of their lane. Boundaries very, very important. Back in New York State I worked in patient care and when teens and kids came on that unit I saw they craved boundaries, absolutely Boundaries. Parents are a safety net and it tells your children that they are loved, right, joy?
Speaker 3:It tells them that you love and care about them enough that you're going to keep them safe. Boundaries, keep you safe, that you expect them to be polite and appropriate. You love me enough that you're telling me how to do this instead of sending me out into the world in a trial and error approach. And the world is harsh, is it not Valerie? The world is harsh, is it not Valerie? The world is harsh. So let's teach our children those boundaries of how to be appropriate and tell them hey, I care about you enough, I love you enough that I'm going to keep you safe, and then I'm going to help you be appropriate, I'm going to help you be polite and I'm going to help you be godly.
Speaker 2:I'm sitting here kind of laughing. I'm thinking of my kids. Now they're adults and my two daughters have their own children and they're now going. Mom, now I understand why you put that boundary down. Mom, it takes sometimes joy, being an adult to recognize your children, like you just kind of said. May not understand why you place a boundary, but to say hon, you may not understand, but I love you enough to have to set this boundary.
Speaker 3:I often say to clients and patients your job as a parent many times is to protect your child's future self from their current self. Let me say that again To protect your child's future self from their current self. Their current self wants to post everything, wants to post the selfies and the us-ies and I'm here and I'm there. We're having to protect when perhaps they look for a job. If it's on social media, it's public, someone can see it. We live in a small town here in Destin and in this county they might know somebody that saw what they posted right. So again, protecting their future self from their current self and they may not understand currently why you're doing that Exactly.
Speaker 2:And I totally agree with that. And you look at, the brain is not fully developed to age 25. Therefore, what happens especially teenage years? Teens can make quick, impulsive decisions that they can regret Right Joy Later on.
Speaker 3:And talking about that safety net right, the boundaries being the safety net, it's so that we catch them before they crash and burn Exactly Right and make a decision, an impulsive choice that is going to ruin the rest of their lives Exactly Right, that's the safety net of the boundaries and the rules. That's it. That tell them we love you enough that we're going to keep you safe from making decisions that are going to affect the rest of your life.
Speaker 2:You know I'm going to shift here and I want to talk about family time together. Yes, I'm going to shift here and I want to talk about family time together. I think today there just seems there's difficulty because of so much. Kids are doing so much extra things and going in different directions. So mom goes this way with this child this is what I see, I don't know about you and then dad goes this way with that child. So what do you say to parents concerning family time and spending time together?
Speaker 3:Well, I think what we just talked about earlier of having the mealtime right. Everybody's got to eat. So if we can plan and be strategic and intentional on mealtime when everybody has to eat, again, not every day, we get it right. Soccer practices happen at different times, ballet practices happen at different times, things happen at school, events happen at different times. But can we be strategic one day a week, two days a week, of being intentional of having that meal together? Two things right Meal together and family time, connection time and family time.
Speaker 2:And I say this is what I always suggest to my clients is have a designated night. That's family night that you kind of like for the couple. I always recommend date night and it's just important that your children see you making each other a priority. Go on a date, go out, let them see how. See you making each other a priority Right. Go on a date, go out. Let them see how much you love each other. If you don't love each other right now that much, really start working on your marriage, because your children are watching you Role modeling the relationship Exactly, so have that date night.
Speaker 2:You're probably like Val Joy we don't have the time. Make the time Right. And're probably like Val Joy we don't have the time, make the time.
Speaker 3:And we're not talking long, right An hour, 90 minutes, 120 minutes, right Two hours. We're not talking long, long times, just time to get away, to connect, to revitalize, refresh, renew that covenant in marriage so important, renew that covenant in marriage so important. I often say I think the best gift that parents can give children is a strong marriage. Oh, what do you think, val?
Speaker 2:Totally agree. We got to remember. Here's our relationship with the Lord Folks. Second, god is a God of order. He loves things done in decency and order. Then your marriage, then your children, then work, church, everything else underneath that. Now I look at my mom and dad had. They were amazing parents, but when we all left and went away to college, they separated and not only was it devastating to us as kids, but to the community, because they were amazing role models. You may be like amazing role models to so many people. Don't make your children a priority. There is going to be a day that they're going to be out of the home right, Joy.
Speaker 3:Well, let's go back to what we were talking about influencers, the social media influencers, the societal influencers. There are so many messages coming to families and parents and children that the children are the most important right. Look at buying power. They're advertisers and marketing to children because they know children can influence their parents, because children hold a larger role in our families than generations before. Generations before it was the parents, right. The parents hold the biggest part of the family, the biggest role in the family. Now it's children. So marriages are taking, it's taking its toll on marriages, but what? Again? Going back to being the spiritual influence of your family and of your children, of teaching them? No, no, no, no, Mom and dad are going to have some time together because, again, the greatest gift you can give a child is a strong marriage.
Speaker 2:You know I'm sitting here as you're talking, thinking we've got to be intentional. Yes, we've got to be intentional and even having adult children like I do, and now grandchildren, being intentional about the influence that we can be, even when your children are out of your home. It's just such an important role.
Speaker 3:It's huge. It's really really huge Because, again, the world wants you to be distracted. The world wants to play reels for you and little clips here and there. The world wants you to be distracted and distraction keeps you from God, keeps you from God's word, keeps you from spiritual growth.
Speaker 2:right, so, being intentional and mindful that the world wants to distract you and I look at the fruits of the spirit in Galatians 5, the last one. It starts with love and it ends with self-control Having the self-control to put your phone up and saying I'm going to spend quality time with my kids and my husband and doing whatever tonight. Right, that takes self-control.
Speaker 3:Joy, it absolutely does. It takes self-control. Joy, it absolutely does. Intentionality, some thoughts and cognitions and making sure. Are we thinking through this, the mindfulness that we talk about a lot in counseling? Are we thinking through what we're doing, what we're saying? Because we know teenagers don't. If the teenagers aren't, somebody's got to Exactly and hopefully that's the parents and hopefully that's the parents. And so this word of encouragement to parents of be intentional, be mindful, be the spiritual influencer on your child to combat the world's influence on them.
Speaker 2:You know I want to close with saying don't do this alone. Yes, don't do this alone. If you are parenting today and you are struggling, there's something joy about finding one person. I'm going to remind you the Titus 2 principle the older women will speak into the younger women's lives. We need women that are speaking into our lives, so we can speak into other people's lives.
Speaker 3:How many times have you spoken in my life, being a generation a season ahead? Your children are older than mine. You have grandchildren now. I'm not blessed with them yet Yet Right, but how many times, when my children were in elementary school and yours were in high school and college, did you say Joy, this too shall pass Pray. Right, you were that to me and so many others, right, thank you.
Speaker 2:But I remember praying together for our kids.
Speaker 3:Right, because we had to come in an alignment and agreement as mothers and as parents that we were going to spiritually influence our kids. And yes, I love what you're saying of finding somebody else that you can connect with, that you can pray with, that can speak in. That's a season ahead of you in parenting. So important, so important.
Speaker 2:And find a small group. Yes, I don't know about you, but just getting together with a group of women that are like-minded, wanting to really work on being a healthy parent. There's something about community and a group of men.
Speaker 3:There's something about community and a group of men, right, thank you. Parenting happens with men as well, and so finding that group of men that'll pray with you in a small group of men, or even just one other that'll say, hey, this is tough.
Speaker 2:This being a dad is tough and I love all these men, small groups that are happening to be, you know, better husbands and better fathers.
Speaker 1:So thank you for bringing that up.
Speaker 2:And lastly I want to say find a good, bible-based church that you can be fed in. There's something about that corporate anointing. When you join together in church, I don't know about you, but I walk out and I feel lighter. When I walk together in church, I don't know about you, but I walk out and I feel lighter.
Speaker 3:Yes, when I walk out of church Because we've been spirit fed and filled and so we can take on the world Exactly.
Speaker 2:Exactly. We are so grateful that you've joined us today. I want to thank Joy McAuliffe. She is the founder of True Joy Counseling. Where can people check you out online?
Speaker 3:Absolutely online at truejoycounselingcom. Call our office. We've got ladies in the front office that'll take your call and walk you through any questions you have, or a registration process if you want to be a client or a patient.
Speaker 2:Yes, Thank you, Joy. So much for coming on here today.
Speaker 3:It's my pleasure. You know we love doing this. Yes.
Speaker 1:You've been listening to Road to Redemption, sharing powerful life testimonies, giving hope to those on their own road to redemption. If you have any comments or questions, we would love to connect with you. You can reach out to us at destinyradiolive. Thank you for listening and we'll see you next week on Road to Redemption.