John and Val Talk Unity

The internet has made it easy to “win” an argument and incredibly hard to keep a relationship. John Martin and Valerie Peterson go straight at the tension many Christians feel right now: we say we want peace, but our words and posts often create more offense, more division, and colder love.

We anchor the conversation in Scripture and bring it into everyday life. You’ll hear the call to “love deeply,” practice humility and patience, and live at peace with everyone, even when politics and strong opinions are involved. We talk about what “pray without ceasing” can look like in real time, especially right before you hit send. Valerie shares the simple wisdom of “Can we agree to disagree?” and why active listening helps people feel heard without surrendering your convictions.

Then we get practical: stop trying to settle big conflict through comments, DMs, and texts. We explain why face-to-face conversations build understanding, how presence and self-control protect unity, and why forgiveness is not optional if we want peace in our homes, churches, and friendships. We also share our three pillars for staying grounded: get into the Word, commit to a Christ-centered Bible-believing church, and find a small group where you can be accountable and real.

If you’ve felt pulled into online battles or weighed down by offense, listen now, share this with a friend, and leave a review so more people can find it. What’s one relationship you want to move toward peace this week?

For more information contact us at
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Transcript

Welcome And Why Peace Matters

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Well, welcome. I'm John Martin. Excited to be here today with my host, co-host, Valerie Peterson. How are you, Valerie?

SPEAKER_01 0:10

I am good. I have been so psyched for the show, and that here we are.

SPEAKER_00 0:14

Here we are.

SPEAKER_01 0:15

Here we are.

SPEAKER_00 0:16

Exciting. Yeah. It's good. We we really um just felt called to talk today about living in peace with one another, especially as believers in Jesus. We're called to live in peace. And we just we see a lot of disunity and discord and fighting out there today, especially with social media and just the all-nine world. We we see people just even in the body of Christ just battling it out. Um, and we just say, God, we need to talk about this. What what's what's Jesus telling us to do? You know, or it's so we just wanted to do that today, folks. That's it.

SPEAKER_01 1:04

That's it. This is gonna be good. Yeah, I know you have some really good scripture verses to share with our listeners today. Yeah. So how are you gonna start with?

Scriptures On Love And Humility

SPEAKER_00 1:16

Yeah, well, it's just we wanted to read a little bit about what what does God's word say about how we should live. Um, and just starting off from 1 Peter um chapter 4, it says, Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins. That's so good. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Uh, and then in um Ephesians 4, verse 2, it says, Be completely humble and gentle, be patient, bearing with one another in love.

SPEAKER_01 1:57

Those are so good, those are so good. Yeah, as you were just saying those, I was thinking of the verses in John 14, 27. My peace I leave with you, not as the world gives, I give. And I think John, there's something about recognizing when when we need to maybe pull back and spend some time with him to have his peace. His peace doesn't come from just not spending some quality time with him. I guess that's where I need to start, is we've got to be in alignment with him. It says in First Thessalonians um, I think seven, it says that we should pray without ceasing. So what does that look like? It's actually 1 Thessalonians 5. Pray without ceasing. Are we talking to him as we walk throughout our day? Maybe what we should do, maybe what we shouldn't do, if that makes sense. What are we gonna say, or maybe to have the self-control of not saying what we're gonna say or putting something online, right?

Politics And Division In The Church

SPEAKER_00 3:09

Yeah, I mean, because it's just the online world is out of control. Um, and it's really just bringing so much division among the church. Um, you know, so we've we we've got to put a stop to this, yes, you know, really and start doing some things. Uh there was one more verse I wanted to share from Colossians 3, uh chapter 3, 12, that says, Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. I just think that verse is really speaks to a lot of us that really it's a lot of it, to be honest, is political. Um, that's probably the biggest divide we have, I would say, is political. Um, and you know, it's okay for us to have our political beliefs, right? But but as believers, you know, Lord is telling us um to be compassionate, kind, humble, gentle, and have patience. And we're just not doing that. Yeah, it's it's out of control out there. And so we just wanted to come and talk real with with folks and say, how can we put a stop to this? How can what can we do, Val? Like, what are some things we're all you know falling in guilty of that's blowing it? So, what what are some strategies?

Put On Love And Listen Better

Stop Fighting Online Go Face To Face

SPEAKER_01 4:50

And well, I want to say in Hebrews 12, it says, To the best of your ability, live at peace with everyone. Doesn't say some or a few with everyone. So we've got to look at that. You know, I'm I'm I'm looking at God wants to give us, as John just said, strategies to live at peace with everyone. And you and I have kind of just, you know, what are some strategies so we can do so? One is in Colossians 3, it says, put on love. Just like we get up, we put on our shoes, we put on our makeup, we, you know, can we in the morning put on love? And what does that look for each look like for each of us? You know, how do you put on love and you keep on love? You know, keep loving throughout the day is what we've got to look and have strategies for. And for what works for some may be something else that helps somebody else. So hopefully today we can really come up with some strategies. You know, I've told you this, and I'm gonna tell my listeners, I had a wonderful dad that would say, especially as teenagers, he would say, Can we agree to disagree? And there was something about that that has stayed with me. I don't have to be right, I can listen to another person's political perspective. There's something you and I talked about, there's there's something about active listening and and caring for someone, even though, even though they don't look at things the same as you do. Can we agree once again, as my dad would say, can we agree to disagree?

SPEAKER_00 6:39

Yeah, and I I remember um Governor Mike Huckabee, he uh preached one time at Destiny Worship Center, uh, and gave just I'll never forget the title is his talk was we're all wrong. I love it. You know, uh and it's so true. I mean, everybody out there, especially online, is trying to be proven right. And truth is, we're all wrong. And you know, we're falling, and you know, I I really feel like just one of the key strategies is for us to really listen more, say less, and and and and pray more, and and and really to get offline with people and and connect with people in person. You know, like these these battles are not gonna be won online. They're just just gonna more offense, more unforgiveness. You know, we really need to, you know, with people that we have a relationship with, that we have these things, we need to get with them and say, hey, can we meet for some some coffee or get together and just, you know, I'd love to catch up with you and just, you know, because cause things get worked out more face to face. And and and I just think that's one of the big reasons this is happening because most of this offense, disunity, all it's happening online on social media, and it's just easy to okay, I got them. Yeah, you know, they blast back and then just blasting back, you know.

SPEAKER_01 8:17

So I love your strategy. And you know, as a therapist, I tell my clients don't try to work out something via text messages or emails. Like you're saying, sit down with a person, then you can see someone's body language, right? Then you can you can just interact with them. I've you we've got to admit everyone wants to be heard, yeah, and to be able to actively listen to whomever that you're sitting across the table, maybe having a cup of coffee, and just listening and not having to fire back. Do you notice sometimes we're so ready to fire back that we're not really listening to what the person is saying? Once again, can you agree to disagree? Listen as they're finished talking, then you come back and say something back. Don't don't keep firing back and forth online or even in person, right?

Self Control With Words And Posts

SPEAKER_00 9:20

Absolutely. It's another thing is when you're meeting with someone, be present. And I know I'm horrible about this, by the way. My wife would say, but you know, just take the phone and leave it in the car when you're meeting with someone and just be present with them and listen to them and try to understand where they're coming from, and um you know, ultimately agree to disagree and just have that, you know, forgiveness and get the offense out. I mean, that's that's the way the enemy is trying to divide the body of Christ is through offense. And it's not, it's gonna get much worse if it's just battled out online. We've got to get with people, especially our loved ones and relationships and and and get together for a cup of coffee, get together face to face. It it you know, it's gonna bring unity in the body of Christ.

SPEAKER_01 10:21

You know, I'm looking at in Galatians 5, it says the fruits of the Spirit are starts with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness. Last one is self-control, which is probably the most difficult one, and it's the last one. But guess what, folks? That's what God wants from us. Can we put a guard over our mouth? Oh Lord, keep a watch over the doors of my lips. Can we maybe I don't need to say that because that's not gonna bring us closer, that's gonna bring us further apart. I'm gonna hold back from saying that which I would like to say. So, once again, if we can work on having the fruits of the spirit, it doesn't say the fruits of the flesh. So, what does that mean? We've got to spend some time with the Lord to have the fruits of the spirit. So our relationship with our Heavenly Father is so important in making a change in this country. And it starts with us, it starts in our households so that you can what, John? Yeah, you know, you think about it, even with our children, actively listen and let them have their opinion. And I always have said to my kids and my grand and grandkids, your feelings are neither right or wrong. They're there, it's what we do with them that become right or wrong. You know, let's say I was really angry. Do to whip my cell phone against the wall wouldn't be the healthiest way to deal with it, right? It would be what? Maybe talking with a trusted person, getting some exercise, journaling. I mean, we can be creative in dealing with strong emotions, especially when you're online and when you want to just fire back. Maybe have that last fruit of the spirit, self-control, and not, right?

SPEAKER_00 12:20

Because words are powerful and words are um even online, you know, when you post those comments, those are words that's out there. And there's just so much of that now. It's just it's just blown up in terms of just this fighting online, and just because it's so easy, you know, like just versus getting with somebody face to face, that's not so easy.

Search Your Heart Not Theirs

SPEAKER_01 12:45

It's not so easy. You know, you just were saying life and death is in the power of the tongue. Choose life. Yeah. So yeah, choosing life. You know, is we were talking earlier. I was thinking of the verses in Psalm 139 where it says, I know when you sit, I know when you stand, I know your thoughts afar, I have the hairs numbered on your head. And then it goes on to say, search me, O Lord, and look at the ways within me. You and I've talked about this verse before. It doesn't say search the guy I'm angry at online. He's saying, search me. So can we look at ourselves and go, hmm, is it worth being that angry over this political point in the scheme of life, right? Yeah, do I need a fire back?

SPEAKER_00 13:33

Yeah, because we're all wrong. We really are ultimately, you know. I mean, we're all fallen and we need to not judge, right? We were gonna talk about that too, you know, just not judge others. There's a lot of that that goes on, so we all all need to you know not judge.

SPEAKER_01 13:54

You know, as you and I we were talking before, is it says in the word, don't come against my anointed. We don't know how God sees the person we want to fire back at. He may look at them very anointed. So if we can look at, don't come against my anointed, you know? So, yes.

Forgiveness And Renewing The Mind

SPEAKER_00 14:16

It's we're talking about living in peace, folks. That's that is the mission of this show. We just Valerie and I felt really called to talk about this topic because we need peace in this world, and we're praying for it, we're believing for it, and we're we're trying to give you some strategies. And and and one of the one last ones I have is just forgiveness. Um to live in peace, we have to live in total forgiveness. So we all need to search our hearts and just see is there anyone out there that we haven't forgiven? And and if not, to you know, reach out to God and and forgive that person in your heart.

SPEAKER_01 15:03

You know, in Colossians 3, it says, be quick to forgive. Why does it say that? Probably because God knows the effects on our heart and our mind when we're not quick, when we harbor in it. And I've got to remind everyone your mind is a powerful thing. And in a moment's time, you can be transformed by the renewing of it. So the word is powerful. And I think sometimes we can forget that he says he's not a man that he should lie in Numbers 23, or the son of man that would change his mind. Will he speak and then not act? Will he promise and then not fulfill? Can you take the word and say, I need some help in this area of my life? And it may be self-control or whatever, and wanting to fire back because he wants to continue in Philippians 1:6 to continue to do a good work in us, right? Until the day we meet him face to face. So ask for his help.

Refocus On Bringing People To Christ

SPEAKER_00 16:05

Amen. It's good because he wants to help us, yeah, he does, and he wants us to live in peace with each other and really to bring people to know Christ. And it's one thing that's come to my mind a lot is you know, we we we still have such a large part of the world that doesn't know Christ. Yet you we as believers in Jesus, we're fighting with each other. You know, we're in all this disunity, and so we just gotta stop that. Our our you know, our goal, we need to come together in peace with one another, forgiveness, and and and and really go out to bring people to Christ.

SPEAKER_01 16:54

Yeah, that should be our goal, right? That should be our goal. You know, I think in Matthew 24, I do want to say this. It says, you know, due to pestilence, rumors of war, you know, things going on in the world, you know, weird behavior um weather patterns, all of it, which we're seeing today, is it says people's love will grow cold. Now that they were talking about believer in the in that those verses, it's believers' love. And in a way, John, we can see how our love can grow cold. Yeah, and so we're just, you know, we've got to recognize even when the storms are rough around us, can we stay so grounded in who he is and that he's gonna get us through even when things are difficult, even when politically you may think see things differently than other people? Can you stay grounded in your faith and in your love, not only for God, but for others? That's where he wants us to be.

Three Pillars And One True Friend

SPEAKER_00 18:07

Amen. Well, it's been such a good, good, good talk today. And we we always like to get to our three key pillars. Is there anything else that we we wanted to discuss before we come down?

SPEAKER_01 18:22

Also, I can say I think our three pillars are gonna help with strategy for people that are listening in today. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 18:30

I thought so too. It really does, because if you follow these pillars, it's gonna bring you to forgiveness and to live in peace if you take these steps, which we always love to tell you our three key pillars, which is uh the first is to get into the word of God, and we recommend opening this Bible. If you have a Bible, open the Heartback Bible. That is suggested. If not, go to your phone, get the Bible out, but just start reading the Bible and God will talk to you through the scriptures. That is number one. Uh, the second thing is is to get into a Christ-centered Bible-believing church and just go. You're not gonna find the perfect church, just go, and we promise it will change your life. And at last, get into a small group, get into a life group that you can be folks you can be accountable to, you can make yourself vulnerable. A lot of it will be on what season of life you're in. You know, every church pretty much has marriage groups, uh, men's groups, women's groups, just whatever, get into one. And that group's gonna change your life. So I love it. Those are some key things.

SPEAKER_01 19:59

Valerie, anything else on your I do want to say another thing my dad would say is one true friend is better than a thousand acquaintances. Have that one person that you can go to, especially today. If you're really struggling with this, talk to somebody about it. There's something about just confessing, right? And just saying, I'm really struggling in this specific area of my life, no matter if it's this, right, John, or something else, find someone you can be totally honest with. It'll be like a mentor or somebody that will help you and get you connected with the right people.

Reach Out For Coffee And Close

unknown 20:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:41

And and I would just reiterate again if there's someone that you've had an offense with, um, you know, whether online or not, you know, just really reach out to that person and just say, hey, could we get together for coffee or whatever? Just would love to catch up and and just pray before you go to that meeting. And I I just I know it will be something good is gonna come about. There's gonna be healing in that. And that's that's what we need, and that's why again, we need to be going to church, we need to be in small groups, we need we need to connect with people in person.

SPEAKER_01 21:23

We just don't critical.

SPEAKER_00 21:26

It is so we just encourage you to do that, and we we believe this show is gonna bless a lot of people today. Yes, very thankful. Yeah, well, thanks, Ralph's been good. It's been great till next time.