Joy Makela – Self-Care Isn't a Luxury. It's Leadership.

The healthiest leaders are the ones who learn to care for themselves first.

In this encouraging conversation, Valerie Peterson sits down with Joy Makela, licensed mental health therapist, licensed school psychologist, and founder of True Joy Counseling, to discuss one of the most overlooked topics in leadership: self-care.

Joy explains why so many leaders, parents, pastors, business owners, and caregivers view rest as a luxury instead of a necessity—and how that mindset often leads to burnout, exhaustion, anxiety, and emotional fatigue.

Together, Valerie and Joy share practical, biblical, and clinical wisdom on building a healthy rhythm of life through intentional self-care.

They discuss:

•  Why quality sleep is essential for emotional and physical health. 
•  Healthy sleep habits that improve rest. 
•  The dangers of constant screen time and distraction. 
•  Why laughter, relationships, and time in nature matter. 
•  Creating small, medium, and large self-care habits. 
•  Recognizing when stress becomes burnout. 
•  The importance of accountability and healthy community. 
•  Learning to recognize when professional counseling is needed. 
•  Putting God first and creating healthy priorities. 
•  Finding a sustainable rhythm that brings peace instead of chaos. 

Joy reminds us that leadership begins with leading ourselves well.

When we neglect our own health, we eventually have nothing left to give those we lead.

She encourages listeners to:

•  Prioritize healthy rest. 
•  Practice intentional self-care. 
•  Build meaningful relationships. 
•  Stay connected to God's Word. 
•  Find a healthy church community. 
•  Seek professional help when needed. 
•  Create rhythms that protect your emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being. 

Healthy leaders don't burn out because they care for themselves before they run empty.

How are you intentionally caring for your emotional, physical, and spiritual health today?

Connect with Joy Makela:
🌐 https://TrueJoyCounseling.com

For more information contact us at
rtrdestiny@gmail.com

Transcript

Welcome And Today’s Focus

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Well, welcome. This is Road to Redemption. I'm Valerie Peterson, your host for today. We are so glad you've tuned in. This is going to be an amazing show. I have Joy Makala here with me. She is a licensed mental health therapist in the state of Florida. She is also a licensed school psychologist, and she is the owner of Tree Joy Counseling in Niceville, Florida. Welcome, Joy. Thank you, Valerie. It's so good to be here as always. We've done this a few times. Done this a few times, yes. And always love it. Always love doing any show with you, whatever we've done through the years. We've known each other for a long time. And I think it was a God appointment years ago, right, Joy? I wholeheartedly agree. We are going to talk about today self-care for leaders.

Self-Care Is Vital For Leaders

SPEAKER_00 0:52

And Joy and I, in the work that we do, both being licensed therapists, we know the importance of taking care of yourself. Joy, what would you say to the person listening today that's really worn out from leading? Well, I think they think it's often leaders think it is just something that's a luxury. That self-care is a luxury, rest is a luxury, um, that they don't meet it. And it's vital. That is that is the message today that it is vital to continue to lead, to continue to have the energy, to continue to keep the pace with the demands and to avoid burnout. Yeah, it's so good. It's vital. You know, she was just saying that.

Sleep Hygiene And Brain Health

SPEAKER_00 1:36

I was thinking of when when we sleep, that is when our immune systems are replenished, not when we're awake. Your sleep is critical. And if you're not sleeping, please figure out. Do you have any suggestions for the person not sleeping? Well, first we need to make sure that we have a sleep hygiene. What are we doing before we lay our head down on the pillow? What are we doing in our environment? Making sure we stay away from that caffeine too late in the evening. Val, I know you love your coffee. No, we can't we just can't do it again. Especially as we age, it impacts us so, so much more um intensely. So that caffeine avoidance too close to bedtime, making sure we have a dark, cool room that we're sleeping in, other distractions and screen time. Screen time. We've got to avoid that screen time, that blue light that tells our brain stay alert, stay awake, stay alert, stay awake, that is emanating from that that that screen. So, really, really, those are the the important things we need to watch for. That's it. You've got to pace yourself and slow down before you go to bed. I know for myself, I have a routine at night, and that routine helps me. Right. And I you know, I'm thinking, Joy knows I love coffee, but no coffee for me after two o'clock in the afternoon. Research shows that after two, it can affect your sleep. So try if you're let's say you're drinking coffee, caffeine until six o'clock, seven o'clock at night, start just trying to pull back an hour and see if that makes a difference, right, Joy? Or substitute decaf. Yeah, there's still a little caffeine in decaf, but not as much as that like fully loaded caffeinated coffee. And think about being brain-wise. What's happening in the brain when we sleep? Our neuron um and neural pathways are regenerated. Our brain does some pruning. We our brain gets rid of some of the toxic toxins in um the system through the gliolymphatic um process of getting rid of toxins. So sleep is incredibly, incredibly important as a self-care. I hate to even say as self-pair, because this should just be normal. Yeah. This should just be normal. So making self-care in the sleep arena normal

Screens And The Cost Of Distraction

SPEAKER_00 4:01

for you. I would love to talk about screen time. And, you know, I do want to bring up, I was taking a walk on the beach, and I walked by this precious father and daughter. She looked about five years old, and he was on the phone. You could tell it was work. And they walked by me, and I walked the other way, I turned around, they turned around, and we, you know, past each other again. Folks, he was still on the phone. I look back at my dad. When he shut his office door, he could transition easily to become a father, you know, coming home, a husband and a father, and be there for us kids. But today we do have a huge distraction. Technology is a blessing, but it's also a distraction. Can you talk about that? Well, of course, it is a distraction, and I want to connect spiritually. Nothing God gives us in the fruit of the spirit says what what the fruit is. There's no distraction, there's no screen listed. Love, joy, peace, patience, right? Right, no distractions, chaos, very intentional. So, yes, those screen distractions, situational distractions that often present on our phone or on a screen. We've got to be very intentional, very aware. You're describing an intentional father, an intentional husband. Work is work and time for that. And we are called to work and to have purpose. We're also called to rest. Yeah. And and, you know, I work with a lot of couples in the work that I do. And so often I don't dictate when, but when a couple has a plan to turn off, turn off their phone or or put it aside, their their computer, whatever, at a certain time and they have that agreement, it can change the dynamics in the home. Absolutely, because again, it's intentional connecting time. And that is self-care. That's what we're talking about. That's care for the relationship, and that's care for ourselves. So making sure we're aware of those distractions, being intentional, making those choices that are good for us and our self-care. What would you say is one of your biggest concerns in the work that you do concerning leaders and self-care? It just doesn't happen. Like I said earlier, they see it as a luxury instead of being vital. And I think whether you're a leader of your home as a work from home mom, whether you're a leader of a ministry or a church, a leader of a business, that you're the leadership starts with yourself and that intentional self-care and it is vital, not a luxury. It's not a second or third thing. We can't do the first things that we're called to do if we're not taking care of ourselves. And so seeing that as, oh, I don't have time for, because again, leaders are busy of making sure we make time for self-care. That that SC is the largest problem, is that shift in thinking of it's got to be a priority so that we can continue to pour out into our communities, into our families, into our patients. Yeah. And I look at God wired us to be emotional, physical, and spiritual beings. And I don't know if you agree with me, even if you're married,

Small Medium Large Self-Care

SPEAKER_00 7:25

you no one else can do this for you. No, you've got to take care of you. And for myself, every day I try to figure what am I going to do for myself emotionally, physically, spiritually. You're going to laugh. But it may be stopping at Starbucks for a cup of coffee. Oh, no one's going to interject there. It can be small, medium, or large. Yeah. Right? When we say self-care to leaders, they think, oh, I don't have 24 hours or 48 hours to go get a massage or take my whole day and wipe it out of meetings. But I like to look a small, medium, large. That's it. What can you do for self-care, small, medium, large, and it doesn't have to be large all the time. And so your Starbucks example, that's a little small thing that you do for your self-care. Or I, you know what I'll do? I'll go, oh gosh, I'm going to drive a different way to work. I'm going to go down by the water. Do I and sit and maybe sip on my coffee? Do you hear me? We've got to be intentional about self-care and make it fun, right? So I'm going to interject what you said to me this morning before the show. Right? Wait, you sent me a little funny video. And laughing, watching funny pet videos, watching funny cat videos, watching funny, I don't know, porcupine videos. There's funny videos out there, and that can be your intentional, small self-care that makes you laugh and releases those feel-good brain chemicals, right? And so you and I laughed together this morning at that funny video, but set the timer because we can doom stroll going back to the screens. So set the timer. Too much, right? That I'm going to take a small break and watch funny cat videos or whatever funny videos make you laugh because it's out there. It's it. Right. So that's a healthy use of that screen that we were talking about that can get so unhealthy that we were saying earlier. But laughing too. I don't want this and this. You're going to laugh at this. But Steve Backlin, he is a minister out west, and he he has some good books on joy. Yes. Long story made short, in one of his books, he talks about, it's like a devotional, that on an average, get this, folks, adults laugh about 15 times a day, but children laugh. He's said in the book around 400 times a day. So his point is we've got to become more job-like. Right. And so we've got to do that with each other, right? Just laugh and have fun. The natural endorphins go off in our brain. Right. There's a lot of benefits, right? 100%. Yes, there are. And again, it's a small thing. It's a small thing that we can laugh. We can share a funny video with a colleague, especially leaders, if you've got that network. And that's the other self-care tip for today is making sure you have the network like you and I share. Yes, a network. Sometimes within your own business and within your own arena in the community, but also outside of it. That's so good. You've got to have that connection. It's not just sending a reel to somebody, is your connection. It is getting together with people, having lunch, maybe even in the workplace with other colleagues. It is important that we connect emotionally. And you I, you know, my dad would always say one true friend is better than a thousand acquaintances. Right. You need a true friend. You need accountability, right, girl? In your own arena of life. And if you are getting together with those colleagues, don't talk about work. Talk about the funny cat video that you saw or the vacation. And I'm looking at that as the medium self-care, a lunch, an hour or two. Where are we taking a break, stepping out of the office, getting some sunshine, getting some connection with a community, with a colleague, and relaxing and being intentional in that. And then we do the large self-care where we take, you know, a day off, two days off, a week off, and we go to a different spot, maybe tropical. I love tropical. And that's warm and and and taking that, that's large self-care. Doing that with family, doing that with people that you enjoy, being with doing the activities that you don't normally get to do, play tennis, play golf, walk on the beach. But small, medium, and large, I think, is is the message in that that we don't have to think that it's this huge self-care and it's gonna wipe out our whole day. Yeah, a cup of coffee, a bouquet, flowers. And isn't there something about getting out in nature? Yeah, just getting you being able to take a it doesn't have to be a huge wall, but you need physical exercise. Just taking a walk and looking at the beautiful trees. And and I know it's hot right now in Florida, but just for a little bit, just for like getting find an accommodation. Exactly. Because we're God's creation and we enter God's other creations in nature, it really does ground us. It does really settle our

Order Rhythm And Spiritual Priorities

SPEAKER_00 12:29

soul. I do want to, I do want to shift to uh that God is a God of order. Yes, and when we have things in order, it brings peace as leaders. You know, it says, seek ye first the kingdom of God and everything else, everything else will be added to you as well. There is something about putting him first, spending time with him, and then look at your priorities. If you're married, it should be your spouse, your children, work, right? As opposed to right, it's lower, it's more on that list. That's it. And so often we can get things out of order, but God wants us to have to help us get it back into order to put him first, then our spouse, then children, then work, church, other things. We've gotta, he is, and I'll add too not only that order, when you have order, you find rhythm. And when we're our spirit and our soul has that rhythm, and finding what is your rhythm for your daily tasks, for your self-care, for your family, for your work as leaders, that adds to the order, and I think that is relaxing and soothing to us as humans as the creation of God, right? Finding that

Self-Assessment And HALT Check-In

SPEAKER_00 13:49

rhythm. And you know, as you were talking, I was thinking, we gotta have some self-assessment. Like for myself, let's say I'm just feeling really, really anxious. I'll be like, okay, hmm, what's going on? All right, I have this full day, I am tired, I didn't sleep well last night. What do you think? You ran too much coffee. What am I gonna do to pull back and get back in decency and order and feel my normal rhythm? Exactly. So try to do some self-assessment, right? Absolutely, that reflection and that insight of am I doing well in my prayer life? Am I meditating? Am I in the word? You know, we love to talk about getting into scripture and being in the word. There is something relaxing when we can read messages from our creator. That I mean, it's the Bible is just like letters, letters from God to us. And get yourself in that rhythm and being aware when you're out of sync. Yes, that is so important. Self-awareness, you know, wow, why why am I just feeling so angry? Right. Just step back, maybe journal. I, you know, prayer journaling, like, Lord, what's going on? Sit before him. And as you said, the word, if he watches over his words of performance, it must be pretty powerful. Find some scripture verses that you can hang on to in that in the season. You know, I love in Galatians 6 9, it says, Don't get weary in the well-doing. You will reap your harvest if you faint not. Weariness shows up in many forms, right? So, once again, self-awareness. Are you weary? Take care of yourself. Once again, no one's gonna do it for you. Well, and then once you are aware of it, do something about it, right? So the awareness is the thought. We've got to enact some type of behavior or action because sometimes that's where the anxiety comes. We think about it over and over and over. I am weary, I am tired, and then we start thinking it and speaking it, right? And and being having that self-awareness of we just can't think it and feel it. We have to do something about it, and self-care is that solution. We've talked about this before, but I love in AA how they say halt. Yes, and that represents hung. If you're hungry, angry, lonely, or tired, just halt. Yeah. And and and figure out the why behind the what? And what, you know, what are you too tired? Are you too angry? Are you not eating well? Food is fuel, right, Joy? Yes, right. And doing that self-assessment, is my nutrition in line? Is my sleep in line? Is my rest in line? Am I following a rhythm? Do I have order in my life? Even order in my own body and order in my own thoughts. Yeah. You know, I love the book, Don't Sweat the Small Stuff by Carlson. And in that book, he says, give yourself permission to

Rest Days And Modeling Self-Care

SPEAKER_00 16:54

take a Sunday afternoon nap. I think some people need to hear that. Can you rest? Maybe not sleep, right? There's a difference. Absolutely. Talk about that. Like, well, in our house, we called it pajama days. I would declare them. Greg, when we became weary, when I was doing that self-assessment, when I had that self-awareness that the kids were getting snippy, I was not my best self as a parent or a mom. And I would just declare it, kids, we're having a pajama day. We're having pajama days. And so, right, maybe breakfast was for dinner that day. Maybe it was a snack dinner, but giving yourself permission to be intentional in that rest and make those behavioral decisions that boost self-care. And I think too, us mamas need to hear that. Not only leaders, but as mothers and leaders of a family and parent and kids, we don't often give ourselves enough permission to have self-care and rest when there's so many demands on it. So making that declaration and having that awareness that I can tell my kids are getting sniffy because I'm a little snippy. I can tell my kids are a little irritable because I'm a little irritable. Um, once again, that's some awareness. And I've got to remind our listeners, you cannot bring anyone further than you've come yourself. So as a parent, they're watching you. Yes. And how do you handle stress? So it's so worth becoming healthier. That's the coolest thing about getting older. But as leaders, they're watching us as well in our business industry. That's true. So we're modeling across the board within our own homes, in our own community, what self-care looks like. That is such a good point, is your colleagues, your employees at True Joy Counseling Center, right? Absolutely. They they are um definitely watching Joy and her lead team. Um what would you say to the person listening that is just totally exhausted that they're at the point that they feel depressed?

When Exhaustion Needs Professional Help

SPEAKER_00 18:57

Well, um you and I know, because this is our profession, sometimes you do need professional help. So if you're at that point, get an assessment from our professional. Again, we're licensed. Um we have a license and education and experience for a reason and have a professional assessment to see if it meets that clinical criteria. And I think a professional can tell you that hey, you just need some rest. Let's talk about a self-care plan. Let's talk about your behaviors, what are your thoughts, what are your feelings, more in the clinical arena. And I want to point out sometimes fatigue doesn't meet the clinical criteria of depression. And so we have clinical terms thrown around in everyday language. And so a a patient or a client might come in and say, Val, I'm depressed, but you've got the licensure to assess that. So my first tip is get a professional assessment and find out if it does meet a clinical criteria. If not, work with that professional of, hey, what can I do to get out of this? Yeah. And add that professional to your support network. Yes.

Three Pillars Contact Info And Prayer

SPEAKER_00 20:08

And you know, as you're talking, you know, as we close out, we always talk about three pillars to road to redemption. And I'm gonna start with accountability. We all need people to be accountable to, right? People that are there to support us, we can be honest with and transparent with. If you don't have that, you need it and find it, right? Joel, absolutely. Anything you want to add out of league, in a professional, in a friend, somebody that you can bounce those ideas off of. Second, get in the word. We talked about it earlier, but there's something about not you don't have to be in the word for an hour, just take some time. Read a psalm a day, read a proverb, whatever, and just let the Lord speak to you in the through the word. And lastly, find a great church, find a church that you are gonna be fed. And those three things we like to close with, and we really encourage you today to implement them in your life. But I want to definitely thank you for coming. If someone would like to get in touch with you, can you share with them how? Absolutely. We're at True Joy Counseling and Consulting. We also have psychiatric care. Our home office is based in Niceville, Florida, but we operate across the whole state of Florida. As you know, Valerie, with telehealth, we are our licensure allows us to operate across the state of Florida. So you can call the office, you can Google search us and find us on the internet. We have a great website that'll connect you to where you need to go. Let's close out and pray. Absolutely. Father God, we just thank you for every single listener today, people that are tuning in to this show, and we thank you. You say in Psalm 139, I know when you sit, I know when you stand, I know your thoughts from from afar. I have the hairs numbered on your on your head. Lord, you know every detail about them. You know where they're at, you know exactly what they need, and I pray something that we said today will minister to them. Thank you, Jesus, for this time, Lord. I just lift up the show and Valerie and the words that are spoken here and ask that you touch someone's heart, ears, um, and spirit, that if they have heavy spiritual needs, demands, Lord, that you fulfill them. Lord, I thank you for this audience. I thank you for this platform, and I thank you for the opportunity to share how we can get rested, renewed, and restored in you. In Jesus' mighty and precious, precious name, we pray this. Amen.