My Steps In Becoming Me

Dr. Anita continues her own story of becoming. When you determine that you are taking control of your own life, what can it look like?

Transcript

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There is only one you, so be you. Growing and moving into becoming who you were designed and born to be requires you to individuate yourself from others to become the individual that you are. Hi, this is Dr. Anita with another diamond moment. The diamonds of our lives are produced through time, heat, and pressure. Each one of those elements is very vital in creating that portion of ourselves that we deem necessary or that is necessary in order to make us who we were designed to be. It's so important that we take the time to differentiate ourselves from others, from our parents, from our friends, from everyone else, because there is only one you. There's only one me. And as I grew in my spiritual search, as I shared with you in the last two episodes, my parents were very different from me. My parents had different life experiences. That's why it's so necessary to evaluate the voices that are around you, and to and sometimes it's necessary to challenge those voices, especially if they are hindering you from moving forward into your own future, into your own life. As I stated, my parents had the loss of two children in one year. This affected the way that they moved, it informed the way that they moved in their lives. And therefore, when the time came that I experienced a loss, I had to determine based on who I was what was best for me. Initially, as I shared, I went into a belief system that basically thought for you. They told you what to do, how to stand, what to be, what this means. And I neglected or moved away from listening to my innate inner self, which had brought me a fair amount of uh progress and success in my life up to that point. I was able to determine what I want and move towards those things which move towards me. So all of this in light of spirituality, we have to be willing, honestly, look at the people around us and determine whether this is a template that I need to follow. Were they called innately to be who I am? I know that in times past, particularly in terms of occupations or what you could do, in times past, it was limited by what other people maybe speaking from uh a black uh person, an African-American person in the United States. For many of those who are were of my race and gender, there was a limitation on what you could be, what you could do safely. And therefore, our parents taught us in line with what they knew to be safe. They didn't have every answer, but it comes up when you're moving through life. You encourage a challenge or you run against an obstacle, and you do have to determine what do I do? Is this a problem, something to be avoided, or is this a challenge, something that I have the ability to conquer? As I began to heal and to grow, I didn't just stay where I was, I moved around within this community that I had become a part of, and I was introduced to other thoughts and other people who moved in the same space in a different way, and it gave me the opportunity to decide, even within this religious space, how I wanted to live my life. Did I want to be limited by the limitations of others? Or was I developed enough to know what I was, what I liked, what I did not like, and to have the strength to move forward in that. Many times we're still determining what we like and what we don't like, and therefore, you there may be some trial and error. You might try something and it's not for you. Well, it took me getting to the specific point in life when I had to question those that I saw in authority to decide whether or not they had the moral fortitude to guide my life. I remember being in one place where a person in leadership stole an enormous amount of money. I determined well before that event happened that this person did not have the moral high ground that would make them be somebody that I'd want to follow. So I checked out way before that. So we really do have to look at ourselves. We have to find out as we do shadow work, remember, looking back in some of the darker spaces in life and sitting there, especially when things come up, when intuitively you feel that there's something in an experience that you've had that's going to require you to look deeper at it, and also to have the wisdom to know what you throw out. Do you throw out the baby and the bathwater? Do you throw out the bathwater? Do you keep the baby? How do you handle re-evaluating a belief system that one at one point had spoken to who you were? We really have to understand that we are all in the process of growth. One of the most powerful spiritual spiritual experiences are often the quietest and the most misunderstood. We have to look quietly at our own lives to determine if I'm at a place where I am accurately and appropriately walking in the knowledge that I've gained, or whether I'm relying on someone else's belief system to move me through this phase because, for whatever reason, I'm overwhelmed. After the loss of my child, I was overwhelmed. I didn't have the ability to ask a question. I was dealing with grief and loss and uh just a dissolution of my entire life. And therefore, the decision that I made in moving into the faith tradition that I did gave me the ability, number one, to catch my breath. It allowed me to rely on something outside of myself long enough to be able to get my balance and to be able to stand up again. I was taught by one of uh the spiritual teachers that I was under that a church, so to speak, that that uh combined fellowship in that in that way is like a hospital and people come there in order to heal. The person also said that if you've been sitting in the same place for 20 years and you're not a part of this structure of healing within that hospital setting, why are you still sitting there? Why haven't you grown enough to be able to walk on your own two feet? What is it that's hindering you? And as I grew in my belief system, I had to realize I've gone beyond what this group of people can do. I remember that the um fellowship that I was in uh was very centered in the foundations of belief, of the beliefs, and and going back to see where they started and how they got there, giving you a foundation to walk with. And I also remember that after about three years, I had been there every time the door opened. I had healed each time as I little by little I was able to receive those things that I had learned and I was applying them in my life, and I found out that I had healed enough and grown enough that I could lead that. And I remember it reminding me of elementary school and then going to second to middle school or to junior high school and then moving to high school, and I saw those levels of growth happen in my life as I moved from one phase to another, as I got more and more understanding, as I began to strengthen, as I began to heal, I grew. And then I remember moving to other fellowships where the eventual outgrowth of that ministry was really disencouraged, and I realized that there's some people that are there because they sincerely are positioned to help you in your life, and there's others who are out for themselves, to be very honest uh and frank. And I had to decide what I was going to do, and as I said, when I began to see people that had been in leadership in a faith tradition that at one point I adhered to, and I began to see what they were doing to innocent people, and I realized that somewhere in that walk I changed. Somewhere in that walk, I no longer subscribed to the things that they did. They no longer spoke for me. As a matter of fact, the things that they did, I was diametrically opposed to. And as I began to grow and as I began to look inside, and as I began to heal further, all of these things spurred by the experience that I had after retiring because I had to look at myself. If it was really true that your beliefs are bringing into your life the experiences that you're having, and you're not enjoying those experiences, then you have to look at yourself in order to change the dynamics around you. You have to look at yourself, you have to begin to hold your own life and to be able to nurture yourself in a way maybe you weren't able to do so before, but now it's time. Then it wasn't, but now it's time. As I move forward, I began to realize the the different levels of strength that I had developed during this time period, and those are the things that I will be will be sharing with you in the weeks to come. I understood that human beings have always had multiple ways of perceiving through truth. You're able to do it through your body, through intuition, through dreams, through prayer, through sensation, and through knowing. And these experiences are not dangerous, they're not acceptive or rare, but they are human. And if you've taken the time to heal yourself, then you know without a shadow of a doubt that you can trust that voice within you because you have finally learned to love yourself and to respect yourself and to realize that there is only one you. And if you're not you, who will be you? I hope that you will use this space that we're in because I'm here to normalize our lived spiritual experience without any dogma, without fear, or without control. I'm here to honor your experiences and your understanding, and I hope that you will do the same with mine as I continue to share with you. If you haven't done so, please visit my website at dranita mc.com. That's www.d-r-an-i-t-a-mc.com. Join me on fanbase and join me on noon vibe. If you haven't gotten your Diamond Journey Journal, Becoming is a Process by Me, Dr. Anita McLaughlin, please get it. This will be a great time to begin to write out and remove from yourself those limiting concepts and beliefs that you've had in a range of areas, from your personal life, your spiritual life, your physical life, from your financial life, your social life. We all are dealing with and working through different areas, but being able to look back at ourselves honestly and proclaim who we are because we've come to a place of taking the controls of our lives back into our own hands. Jesus said, the things that I do, you do greater because I'm giving you the tools to be able to challenge the beliefs that you've had and grow beyond anything that you've ever thought possible. Please continue to stay with us as we move forward. Becoming really is a process, and that process has stages.