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Hello friends, crystal here, your vibrant beat F. And did the title catch you? I'm sick of my own shit too. This episode is about when you need to place your own self in timeout. It's going to be a good one. I remember seeing a post. I think it was on Pinterest years ago. And it says sometime you just have to look at yourself and realize how ridiculous your acting. Fact. It's what's funny, of course, but it's actually very true. We're going to be talking about being honest with yourself, how important self awareness is. So many people have blind spots for themselves. I've talked about it before. How in our lives, every person we meet. Usually have a main objective and that is to be a teacher, an expander or a mirror. So what does that mean? If a person is a mirror, that's going to be a reflection and I hate to tell it. It's usually the people that trigger you. That are your mirrors. They are mirroring back to you things about yourself. You don't like. Or you haven't dug deeper in, or that you haven't healed and it can be very. Depending on where you are in your healing journey. Aggressive. It can be a lot. And then you have teachers. Self-explanatory those who are your guides, people that are going to help you. On your journey to your highest self. And then you have expanders. this one is a toss up. It's a kind of a mix between a teacher and a mirror. So there may be things where they are stretching you in that, depending on your healing journey. You're not ready for, to deal with, to act on. And it can be triggering in some ways, activating in some ways. But they are here again to help you along your self journey, into your highest self. Now, of course it's not one and done or exclusively teacher, exclusively expander, exclusively mirror. But they usually play multiple roles, but there will be a dominant characteristic at play. So this is something very important to think about as you navigate through life. When you meet new people, when you're in relationships, platonic or romantically. That you can start to understand what is it about this time in my life about this person in my life that they are teaching me, showing me mirroring to me. And I tell people, our children are some of our greatest teachers, expanders and mirrors all in one. They are literally 33.3% of each. It's not to label it good or bad. It's just to be aware. So what happens when you are sick of your own shit? And you're like that is it. I'm putting myself in a corner. So I want to talk about this in two different aspects. We're going to go a little serious, a little bit more deeper in the sense of let's talk about when there's actually something going on mentally. So for myself, many years ago, I was diagnosed with manic depressive disorder. Now I learned out years later that sometimes that can even go hand in hand with bipolar disorder. I was incredibly dysregulated incredibly high, strong. Irritated anxiety written. Name it inflamed. I was a mess. I had young children, I was married. I had a career. We lived overseas and I was very dysregulated now because I'm up Virgo because I'm a black woman because I'm a mother, there were some things I was able to conceal. Not so much for my close family and friends. But for most of the world, I was able to kind of camouflage it and cloak it under other things. That's when we were very religious. So it looked from the outside in that it was a pretty. You know, regulated family. I was always on top of my shit as far as like making sure the kids were having good grades, getting to their practices, whatever. But inside I was dying and of course whatever's on the inside is going to spill out onto the outside. So those closest to you are going to see the real illness, the vulnerabilities, the scars, the hurts, the wounds, whatever it may be. It was rough. I ended up going to get help because I felt like I was going crazy. And with a chemical imbalance, it can absolutely fill that way. My mother struggled with depression. My grandmother struggled with depression. My dad has high anxiety. It was all these, you know, kind of epigenetic tags already in play. Then you add in not having good coping skills, not even having the language to articulate what it is, having societal indoctrinations and religious trauma, living abroad. It was just so many different aspects that were just compounding. Where I got to a place where I thought I was going crazy. And in a way I was luckily, I was able to find a great psychiatrist and get on medication, which literally changed my life for the better. Now I took this medication for several years and then kind of weaned myself off. A few years went by. I picked it up again for about another year. Wean myself off again. And I haven't been on medication since now. I'm a big believer in medication. My son has ADHD. I put him on medication fairly young. My husband has ADHD. I think it's great that we have these. Resources available to us, but as I've grown and healed and learn more. We have to also understand, and I knew this even back then, it wasn't a magic pill. There was other things that needed to go into place, right? It's not just our bodies that may need. Certain epigenetic tags. But what are you eating? Not just what you're digesting internally, but what are you digesting externally? Like who is in your environment? What are you watching? What are you believing? What are you saying? All these things are gonna come into play. And as I further started on my healing journey, mind, body, and spirit, I was able to understand the importance of all these aspects and how they all play together. So you have medication. But you eat like trash and you never move your body. So you move your body all the time, but you are completely emotionally a wreck you get the point, we need mind, body, and spirit. All different cylinders need to be running at their highest capacity for that particular season. This is where a lot of people can get caught up is not understanding this season. They're in. So your best may be 70% for some seasons. It may be 40% in some seasons. It's not the percentage. It's the intention. It's the effort. It's what you doing to the best of your ability. Years ago, people would tell me, you know, everybody's doing the best they can. And I thought to myself, that's an absolute lie, but when I added everyone's doing the best they can. From their level of consciousness, it completely shifted my life. It completely shifted my narrative. It created more space and more empathy to really show kindness for everybody and their own life and their own struggles, because you never know what people are dealing with. Behind the scenes. And if we can just be kind to human beings and offer them that grace of understanding that they are operating in their level of consciousness and everybody has different journeys, different paths, different awareness, but it's up to us as individuals to live and our truest expression of self. The highest vibration that we emit is authenticity. So what does authenticity look like for you being honest with yourself, having self-awareness is. Key. Now the other aspect of that, not so. Deep is the fact that you get sick of your own shit. Like have you ever played back your own conversation and thought, okay, that was ridiculous. I know I have. More times than I can count. Have I played back the day and thought, Hmm, that was a little excessive. Did I really have to fly off the handle like that? Some of that had to do with me being a manic depressive. And some of that just had to do with me, not being honest with myself. Not articulating what I needed, understanding the importance of vulnerability and having a good support network in expressing what it is. I need it. No one is a mind reader. And it's up to us to one have understanding and clarity for self being aware of what it is we need and being able to articulate that. I was raised by old school parents that. So as women, we are taught that we just have to do it as mothers, even more so as a black woman, just keep compounding it. So it's like, you just do it, you shut your mouth and you go forth. And in the process, you start to die off piece by piece day by day. It's incredibly unhealthy way to live. It stifles your magic, your magnetised online guided, intuitive clarity. It keeps you. Stuck. It keeps you. Outside of your true expression of authenticity. And this is why I am such a champion for women, especially mothers especially black mothers to understand the importance of being honest with themselves and having communities that can help them. That can help carry the burden, carry the load. Of all the different hats that we wear. So, how do we ask for help? How do we understand how strong vulnerability actually is? And as a black woman, How we can sometimes be dangerous to show different vulnerabilities in inappropriate spaces. What is it? Inappropriate space. All these come into play. As we are navigating our healing journey. And as we grow into more self-awareness. Now I've talked about it before, but what we want to always do is understand who we are at our core. What are our belief systems? What is playing in the subconscious? What is it that you believe about yourself? Are they yours? Have they been passed down to you? Do you stand in alignment with them? All of this is part of the process. Everything is at the root. So understanding the root of your subconscious beliefs, understanding that you have been basically under hypnosis from ages zero to seven, eight years old, and having to understand what it is that you believe and why it is that you believe that. And if it's something that doesn't align or that doesn't feel in congruence with your true, authentic self understanding how to replace it with a new belief system, with a new pattern. It's almost rebuilding brick by brick and it can be very intimidating to some people. And some people love to stay in their cognitive dissonance, ignorance bliss, but if you are truly wanting to live and heal and your highest expand itself, It's going to be honest about saying I'm sick of my shit too. I'm sick of looping through negative thought patterns. I'm sick of living out of alignment. Even if you don't have all the verbiage, even if you don't understand what that may be, your body will tell you that you are not in alignment, how emotionally you will feel highly stress, irritable anxiety written physically. You may be inflamed because your cortisol levels are really high. There's so many indications that let you know, you are out of alignment. Our bodies are always talking to us. What is your body telling you? Where do you feel denseness stuck, sticky. These are all words that can help you better articulate for yourself. What is going on within me. Because whatever's in you is what's going to spill out of you. Is it compassion? Is it anxiety? Is it joy? Is it fear? Is it abundance? Is it scarcity? All of this is going to be indicators of where you are in your journey. Where there are areas that need more healing, where there areas that you are living in your expansion, where there areas you may be keeping yourself stuck or looping. It's all part of the process and the more you can become self-aware. And the more you can give yourself space and time, and that may be putting yourself in a corner for myself when I'm in my luteal phase of my cycle. I know that I need to put myself in the corner because it doesn't matter what people do. I'm going to be hyper sensitive. Hyper activated I'm going to be more emotional and it's okay. Because I'm going to allow myself space. And putting myself and what I like to call timeout. I'm not going to be out in public groups. I'm not going to be hosting large meetings. I'm going to rest my uterus. I'm going to do things that bring me joy that bring me peace. That allow me to cry. If I need to, I'm going to support myself during each stage during each season, but that takes self awareness. So understanding what it is you need for each season of your life, no matter what your gender age, race may be understanding, what makes you, you understanding what you need. And articulating those needs and creating space for those needs and being intentional with providing what that is. As I healed, what did I need? What was I listening to? What were things I needed to practice? What was the food I was eating? What was the music I was listening to? Where was I placing myself? All of this came into play, and this is why I created my living in your magic interactive journal. So that I could help you walk through your journey, as well as understanding the importance of your intuition and listening to self being self-aware to know when you need to place yourself in timeout or to know when you need to activate and use your voice and being supportive of your life during each season of your growth. To understand that your journey is going to ebb and flow. And that you have the power to create any life you desire and to understand what it feels like, mind, body, and spirit. To live in your full expression of self. I hope today, you can understand that. You are your greatest and most important relationship and having self-awareness. Is the key to living in your full expansion for living in your full expression of self for living in your full authenticity. For living in your magic. Be sure to follow me over on IgG at vibrant BF, the link is in my bio to grab your own copy of living in your magic interactive journal. And until next time friends bye-bye.