How to help your child to unfold their strengths? and to transform their challenges into their superpower?
Our guest today, Dr. Kate Lund is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist, Published Author, and Keynote Speaker.
Dr. Lund is known as an expert on resilience not only because of her professional background but also because of her own life experience. As a child, she struggled as a child with a medical condition that made some of the typical activities of childhood challenging. Her parents' unwavering belief in their child built an inner resilience that led to a successful career and life despite her challenges.
In the episode, we covered some of the topics from her internationally bestselling book, Bounce, which is the ultimate guide to helping children build resilience and thrive in all areas of life!
Here, you can read more about Dr.Kate and learn from her online video class!
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How to help your child to unfold their strengths? and to transform their challenges into their superpower?
Our guest today, Dr. Kate Lund is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist, Published Author, and Keynote Speaker.
Dr. Lund is known as an expert on resilience not only because of her professional background but also because of her own life experience. As a child, she struggled as a child with a medical condition that made some of the typical activities of childhood challenging. Her parents' unwavering belief in their child built an inner resilience that led to a successful career and life despite her challenges.
In the episode, we covered some of the topics from her internationally bestselling book, Bounce, which is the ultimate guide to helping children build resilience and thrive in all areas of life!
Here, you can read more about Dr.Kate and learn from her online video class!
Related resources:
Want to support spreading Dr. Lund's Words of wisdom?
Rate and Share the Playground Talks podcast with friends and Family!
For more parenting content, follow me on Instagram and connect by email :-)
New offer!
Free Parent Talk around Healthy Boundaries.
As a certified parent coach, I can help you own your parenting style!
Want to connect?
Join the Bonding Boost Newsletter (We'll keep it short & sweet)!
Hello, Dr. Kate, how are you today?
Kate Lund:I'm good. Thank you Tammy, for having me. How are you?
Tammy:I'm doing awesome. Thank you for coming., as I mentioned before,, one of this season pillar is resilience. And so it's my honor to have you here with us, , to share your expertise about resilience and also share a bit from your. Childhood experience, so let's start with the very basic of what does it mean to be resilient. And I'm not even talking about, you know, extreme thing. It's even if my child is failing a test and he's really upset about it, does it mean that he's not resilient?
Kate Lund:Right. Yeah, no, no., so resilience in the, in the sort of big scope of things is our ability to move through and beyond challenge, whatever that challenge might be. And so your son, being really upset about not doing well on a test, that's a natural reaction, right?. And what we wanna do is help him to kind of learn and see that it's, it's okay to try again, to, you know, maybe work it from a little bit of a different angle and move through and beyond and do better next time. And so we wanna help him to develop the, , ability to not do so well and be okay about that and find another angle to come at it from if that makes.
Tammy:Sure. It's like seeing the perspective around those challenges.
Kate Lund:Exactly. Yes. So a piece of sort of building resilience, particularly in childhood over time is building that perspective is sort of developing that ability to fall down, but then get up again and move forward and realizing that falling down is part of the process.
Tammy:As long as we're in a growing, momentum.
Kate Lund:Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. Learning from those moments, learning from those times when, Hmm. Maybe we didn't do as well as we would've liked, but how can we do better next time? That's all part of building resilience.
Tammy:Got that. So we want to actually focus on this episode and how do you turn challenges into strength? So my question to you is how can a parent who listens to us and actually help his child to turn those challenges into strength and, to build resilient.
Kate Lund:Well, so using the tests as an example, You know, we wanna talk to our children. We wanna listen to them. What was the experience in not doing well? What kind of happened to move them off track and then trying to figure out how to encourage them to try again. To get back on track to move forward in that way. So it really comes down to listening, to modeling and to kind of talking through in developmentally appropriate ways. How can we take the next step, which will help us grow and learn and ultimately handle challenge better.
Tammy:So, can we dive into some examples that you can maybe share with us on how challenges can turn into a strength?
Kate Lund:Sure. Well, so it starts at the very beginning of helping your child to believe in themselves and believe in the possibility. Right. And so for me, , I'll use myself as an example., I had a, a medical challenge when I was very young. I had a, , condition called hydrocephalus, , which was diagnosed when I was four, which made a lot of the, um, kind of basic activities of childhood hard. And I couldn't do a lot of the things that other kids could do. And so, as a result of that,, my parents had to find a way to help me move forward. Despite the challenges and it wasn't always easy. And that's a really important point to make moving through challenges, helping kids see the possibility on the other side of challenge is not always easy. It's a process, but one of the big pieces in it is helping a child , to identify and understand what their strengths. Where their passions lie and help them to develop those things as a way to manage through the things that are harder.? And so focusing on what they can do as opposed to what they can't do, is a really important piece to, to kind of instill in our children early.
Tammy:Kind of balance. They think that are more challenges for them, with the things that are pretty easily done. And they actually have joy doing, is that, what do you.
Kate Lund:Yeah, exactly. So we wanna balance those out because challenge is inevitable. We're all gonna face challenge. Our kids are all gonna face challenge in some form or another, but to help them see beyond that challenge. So that they can really foster their strengths and foster the areas and the things that they're good at, that's gonna really help them to develop sort of the confidence and the courage to move forward when they hit an obstacle. If that makes sense.
Tammy:Yeah, it does So I'm getting the thing about perspective. Just take whatever challenge you have in a perspective, in a bigger context. And then I'm getting also balance it with the thing that the kids just get more easily done. And that actually leads me to my next question, cuz you talk a lot about. Finding the ordinary within the extra ordinary to help your child, , live a resilient life. And , my next question is, how do you actually find those super powers? How do you uncover them?
Kate Lund:Right. Yeah. And it's, it's a really, really good question. And it relates to, , this idea of helping our children to find their strengths and to find the things that they're good at,, and for me, , , we figured out early that I really loved to play tennis and that became my early superpower, so to speak, which helped me to move through and beyond those other things that I couldn't do so easily. So, you know, maybe, a child will discover that they really like martial arts, for example, Or they really like painting or drawing or they like to act in plays or something along those lines. What is at the core of that child that makes them who they are and how can we foster that piece of them, to help them overcome and move through and beyond challenge. And that's, that's really the big idea of what we're talking about. You know, what is that, that essence of who that child is and how can we foster and develop that to help them move beyond the things that are hard, the obstacles that come into their, into their path.
Tammy:So, what I'm sensing is that it's kind of a menu that you know, that your child could potentially do sports, maybe do music, maybe do art, and then you offer that. Or you can actually see the kid just, just performing in any occasion. And then you kind of say, okay, that might be , his super power. And then , as you mentioned, foster that and support that. So it will increase his confidence and will help him to overcome the areas where is more challenges for him. Right.
Kate Lund:Yeah, we'll help them handle or manage, you know, where those challenges are., and the other thing that's really important though, is Noticing, you know, maybe a child will wanna shift gears. Maybe they think that art is their thing, but then they get a little bit older and developmentally they, they wanna shift gears and that's okay too. So it's, really listening to and observing our children as they're moving through these different stages. So that's a really important piece as. We don't wanna pigeonhole them in one specific area and be like, okay, that's it. You know? So there's, flexibility in thinking here as well.
Tammy:Yeah. It's like don't fixate on something, just, , be flexible. I
Kate Lund:We wanna really make sure there's flexibility in it for sure. But. It's helping that child identify what's at their core and where their core strengths and passions are to help them build and develop., so they can move through when that inevitable obstacle pops up.
Tammy:Got that. So let's go back to the more challenges area. And if you could please share with us, some strategies or one effective strategy that can really help. Our kids to build their resilient.
Kate Lund:So, all of this is a process, right? There's really not an, a plus B equals C equation where we can say, okay, do this. And the child will, , be resilient. But one of the most important tenants here is this, idea of helping our children. To believe in themselves and to appreciate their own unique context, right. Because we're all different and none of us are coming from the same place or the same context. And so oftentimes, you know, we'll find that our kids are wanting to compare themselves to others and, oh, well, he's doing that. So I need to do that or, well, he's doing that better than I am. So I'm no good. And you know, all of those things are very, very. real So, what we wanna do is we wanna help our kids to believe in themselves within their own unique context., and this is much easier said than done, but without comparing themselves to , their peers sitting next to them or the kid who might be a slightly better tennis player, whatever it is, we want kids to be able over time to embrace who they are and appreciate their own unique context as a foundation for helping them to become resilient and move through challenge And as parents, we can really do this from the very beginning by listening to our kids, talking to our kids, helping them when a challenge comes up, problem solving with them is a big, big piece of it. really, really important.
Tammy:I get that it's like help your child to build his own scale. Other. Just do it according to some other people, , scale and some external feedback. So the feedback should be inside. That's what, that's my goal or that's my child goal. And let's see if I achieved that or not.
Kate Lund:Right.
Tammy:I'm getting.
Kate Lund:Yes, and yes, and, and two really important points for strategies on what we can do right there with that context. So we wanna help our children to develop their internal locus of control, and this takes time and it's a developmental skill, which has to evolve over time, but to be able to kind of manage, , their thoughts and emotions from the inside out, as opposed to reacting. Based on what's happening around them. Does that make sense? And we can really help our children to do this in the exact same ways. We've already talked about sort of listening to them, engaging them, talking to them, but also a couple other things we can do. So we really wanna think about helping our kids to manage their stress response, and that will help on. Building the internal locus of control. And so maybe we wanna teach them some mindful breathing exercises. We wanna get them outside for some physical activity. We wanna make sure they're sleeping well. And that their nutrition is, adequate for them. Whatever that looks like. So those are some really important strategies that we can implement as parents to help our kids be at their. best
Tammy:Meaning that we kind of practice those coping skills when we at the best. And so they can use it in the heat of the moment when they're really stressed.
Kate Lund:well, yeah, but also this idea of, , managing and this, this goes for all of us across the lifespan, managing our stress response, sort of, as a matter of course, each day is really important because. You know, if you think about it, if you're starting up here in sort of an emotionally charged place and then a stressor hits and you, you know, , spike up, know, , , you don't really want that. So you wanna be more like down here so that when a stressor hits, you know, maybe you go up a little bit, but you've got this consistently managed stress response so that when a stressor hits, you're not gonna be shut down by your emotional.
Tammy:Okay. So I got the idea of helping the kids to have his own stress meter, so he can kind of measure himself all the time and make. Is in a pretty much balance place. So he has the leverage to go up and down.
Kate Lund:Yes. That's exactly right. That is exactly, exactly right. Yeah. Super important. Really, really important thing for us to do with all of our kids. and, you know, there are other things that, , help them to manage stress and kind of be more balanced since physical activity. Even if they're not into sports, getting out for a walk, getting out into the backyard, doing something that's active each day and getting away from , too much screen time or that sort of thing. Really trying to shift gears in terms of where their brain is focus.
Tammy:I get that do stuff outside really helps the kids to lower the, their stress level.
Kate Lund:Yes. And you know, all of our research, , in, the field of psychology points in that direction, exercise is literally one of the most powerful things we can do to manage stress, manage mood, state, anxiety, that sort of thing. It's really, really important.
Tammy:Wow. Thank you for saying that. It's so important to understand how much time a day it recommended for a kid to exercise?
Kate Lund:Well, it, it ranges, right. But , anything between 30 minutes at a minimum, is really a recommended kind of getting out there and doing something, some other groups might recommend up to two hours, but kids are active they're they need that. They need that outlet. And I think that a lot of, , kids these days, don't experience that on a consistent basis. So , it's easy to get into a rut. And so really fostering that sense of physical activity, is really, really important for us to do as. parents
Tammy:I get that. And I want to ask another specific question. So we talked about resilience as the ability to overcome a challenge. So what would you consider as a normal duration for a kids to overcome whatever he's dealing.
Kate Lund:Yeah. You know, there's really no one size fits all because kids are all different. And just like for us, , as adults, it's, there's really not an, a plus B equals C equation in terms of moving through and beyond challenge. So. I would really say there is no normal or typical timeline for overcoming a challenge that comes.
Tammy:I will ask it from the other. Perspective. I'm wondering as a parent, what would be a red flag for me saying, well, my kid, I don't know., his friend told him something he's so upset about it. And now two days he's in bed doing nothing. So , where do you think should be a red flag for his parents to say, we need an extra support.
Kate Lund:so that would be a definite red flag where you would, , wanna get into the bedroom and kind of really try to talk with your, your child about what's going on., and based on the information you get from that, , Perhaps calling in an extra support, a call to the pediatrician, or maybe a, a therapist or a counselor just for a, a check in, but definitely trusting your gut. Your intuition as a parent is so important because you know your child best. And if this is. Super unusual, the response to whatever the friend said. Then it is time to intervene in some way, whether that's just you intervening or called to a pediatrician or perhaps a, a therapist for a chat, , but definitely paying attention to your, , intuition as a parent is super important because, you know, what's kind of the usual response and an unusual response for your own. child
Tammy:So trust your own gut. That's the main thing to
Kate Lund:Yes.
Tammy:same thing. As you said with the children, just believe in yourself and know that you know, the best for yourself and your child.
Kate Lund:Exactly. Exactly. That's so, so important. Yes.
Tammy:So since you had a medical condition, as you mentioned as a child, if you have some kind of lesson that, you know, you've learned as a child,
Kate Lund:Yeah. And I think, , the biggest lesson, I mean, there were a lot of lessons, that I learned from that experience and through that experience, But really the biggest one. And this is one that I really try to foster, across kids in my own kids. Is this idea of appreciating, understanding and appreciating individual difference. and that the importance of embracing kids, , friends, peers who are struggl. and helping them to be part of the mix as opposed to excluding them and making them feel even more different than they already do feel that kind of a thing. And I think that's such an important message for our kids, because it really, relates to so much that they're experiencing out there, particularly this idea of bullying. Right And so to really help our kids at a foundational level, from the very beginning to develop a sense of empathy, to be able to put themselves in the shoes of another child who might be struggling, that's a really important point. and a really important, lesson that evolved for me throughout my childhood
Tammy:I get that it's inclusiveness. That's the key.
Kate Lund:right. Inclusiveness and finding ways to connect, even when it might seem hard, it might seem challenging. Or, scary on some level, helping our kids to understand that, a kid who looks different Simply looks different, but there's still a kid just like them. Right. And to find points of connection. So, so important.
Tammy:I love that. Find a point of connection and that's what makes you feel the empathy towards the other?
Kate Lund:Yes, exactly. And it allows the child to, you know, on some level put themselves in, , the shoes of that child who might be struggling. and that's so important for that child. Who's struggling to help them to feel, , less different, less outside, but more kind of, moving towards being typical.
Tammy:So it also made me think that each child also has something different. So. As a parent, we can say what's the thing that are like and what, the thing that are different. That's you are also different from the other person and he's respecting you for whatever it is.
Kate Lund:Yes., and that goes back to that point of, our contexts are all different, you know, we're all coming from our own unique context with our own set of challenges and experiences and strengths, and , within that find those points of connection and use that as a jumping off. point
Tammy:Got that. Well, before we close up, I wanna ask you if you want to add anything else.
Kate Lund:You know, I think Tammy, we covered really the, the key points and I think, your questions sort of let us in that direction. So I, I don't have anything else to add at this particular point.
Tammy:Well, thank you so much for being with us and for sharing your expertise. I know that I took a couple of takeaways from these discussions, such as ask my kid, how do you, and how do you. Like from other people and perspective taking and starting work on this, stress meter
Kate Lund:ah, yes. Yes, yes.
Tammy:thank you again so much for coming.
Kate Lund:Well, thank you, Tammy, for having me. I greatly appreciate it.
Tammy:Have a great day.
Kate Lund:Thank you, you too.