Hi everyone, and welcome to another episode of The Mummel Road podcast. My next guest is a friend of my who I met nine years ago. Like me, she had a three year old son who had received a diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder. We became friends and navigate those challenging early years together. I was keen to interview and for this podcast, knowing she would give a really open and honest opinion on the topics that we all want to speak more about. Things like how to balance the needs of every family members, when you have a child with a disability, how to navigate those why me moments that can strike at any time, how to find some precious time to do the hobbies that you love, most importantly, how to keep a sense of humour. I know you will love this conversation with and you will fall in love with her. Enjoy. And so great to have you here today. We came into each other's lives many years ago. And it's terrific to touch base. Again, thank you very much for having me. And give us some insight into your life before you had Max. You were living overseas with Toby and the girls what was life like we had arrived in the Middle East when both girls were three and one. And we had a very busy life. I was able to travel a lot with Toby when he was doing courses, or went on work. So I got a lot of time to travel the world. I spent three weeks in Singapore with the girls. And I don't know, six weeks once in Paris, so my life was very easy, and probably not so complicated and less routined he had quite the adventurous life. We certainly did. We had lots of fun times and with the girls and even once we had Maxi we still had lots of fun times but I think about those times now and they were probably a little bit more harder than they were with the girls. Max was easy. Your third child do you have two older girls? When did you and Toby your beautiful husband get the inkling that something might be a little bit different about fat Max after having two children already? I think for Toby now our biggest probably mishap was with Maxi was Lily didn't speak until she was three. So on reflection with Max, we probably could have picked it up earlier but we just thought he she he was going to be like she was so she actually was so stubborn. She actually refused to speak. And in her way She told us she would speak when she was three. And she did she actually literally started speaking at three and then she sped it started speaking so fast. We had to take her to a speech therapist because she was caught a clutter which she cluttered all her words together. So I think Toby and I missed one of the major parts Max hit all his major milestones. He walked he ate everything he slept well, he did everything like Scarlett, our middle daughter did. But it was the probably the lack of words. He didn't ever walk on his tippy toes. So it was a bit of a hard one for us. But I was talking to a friend and she was a speech therapist in Sydney. And she has moved out to Qatar. And she was the one that said to us. When we went back to Australia, she thinks we should go and see a paediatrician and have Maxie looked at to see what their thoughts are. This is a really, really important topic to discuss. Because I felt that my husband and I had the same sort of conversation with people where they some people said not too sure that that Charlie our son is is developing normally when you received that comment from your friend who's a Speechy. Did you and Toby go and have a debrief about it? What was your very first reaction? And and probably for the couple of days after that comment? How did you feel? I think Toby and I to be 100%. Honest to you, I don't think we sat down and talked about it, but not really I don't think we we would probably talk about it now. But at the time, I think we brushed it off and thought no, there's nothing wrong with Max. He's a bit late and talking. And at that stage, he didn't have behaviour problems. So I suppose for us it was just the lack of talking and we just put it down to he'll talk when he's ready like Lily did so we'll probably a little bit naive is probably the best wording and maybe because we didn't have the help overseas. There was no speech therapists there's no it is GGP normally didn't have English as their first language so it was never really picked up on. Again, that's really important for other parents to hear that The first reaction is often you're not too sure how to absorb the information, but you really want to believe that your child is developing like every other child does. And that is your first wish, I guess. Yes, I agree with you. 100%. No one wants to hear that their kid is different. They want their kid to be just like every other kid healthy. And I'm not saying next is not healthy. He's just, you know, I had a friend once. Just a quick little story, that's okay. I had a friend after Maxie was diagnosed, she said to me, you basically, you've been on this aeroplane, and you thought you're going to Hawaii and all your life, you've going to Hawaii, you've had these plans. And then you arrive somewhere, but it's not Hawaii. It's basically the Netherlands and it's different to Hawaii. It's not worse. It's not better. It's just different. And that is how I think that's a good explanation about having a kid with a disability is absolutely that's such a, it's such a terrific example, to hear you say that is really comforting for me. And I know it will be for other parents as well. So just moving forward a little bit, you made a decision to move to Brisbane. And that's where we came into each other's lives. What prompted that move. So basically, after Max was diagnosed, at the age of three, we looked at trying to get back to Australia, more for the fact that we knew we're going to need help, because the schools that were available to max weren't fantastic. Basically, I've had a look at a few of the special needs schools in Qatar. And when I arrived there, and those probably 10 Kids ranging from probably three to 17. And they were sitting there in front of the television. And I just thought, No, this isn't for me. I don't want Maxie being in an environment that he would not, I suppose, you know, relish? Absolutely, yeah, that's really important that you got that gut feeling. That's really important for other parents to hear as well, that you've got to judge your gut as well. And you didn't you knew that was not for you and your family. And you wanted to find a good solution for Max and for you guys as well. So yeah, just to confirm for the listeners, what diagnosis did Max receive. Max was diagnosed with autism. At that stage now, he recently has been said he's got dyspraxia and he's basically intellectually impaired because of his lack of language. So you and Toby seem to have managed quite a big move. Remember, you moved across countries back to Australia moved to a different city that compared to where you're from, originally. So I just wanted to get your insight now into how you and Toby cope together and as a family during some of the more challenging times. And that's quite a broad term to mean, not only Max's, sometimes challenging behaviour, but also when you had to move to a different city, you were not for where your family were, you had two other children to support. Can you just give us a bit of an insight as to how you guys manage those tricky situations and times as a family. I think when we first arrived in Brisbane, we lived in temporary accommodation. For the first three months, Max's behaviour hadn't really got too bad at that very stage. So I was lucky enough to get both of my girls settled into for two different schools. And at that time, I then put Maxie into a childcare centre. And that's when I suppose his behaviour started becoming a little bit more harder to deal with. We were waiting on our position for a EIU and that was a little bit challenging once Max got into Aru. His behaviour didn't really get any better. But as a family, I think for us having the support of a wonderful paediatrician, she's amazing. She works out through the Children's Hospital, up here in Brisbane, and she's been probably our major support as you give us support and gave us guidance into psychologists, educational psychologists, OTs species, were lucky enough to find a fantastic speech therapist who actually has a lot I have clients like Maxi, and she's been wonderful. She's been in our team for the last seven years. So and she still sees Max every two weeks. And as a family, I think, having these girls, they've always been quite mature. And they've loved max. And I think that's one of the biggest things is love. I think you just need each other, you need timeout together. I've been lucky enough. Like the other day recently, just just this is a recent thing, not in the past. But we actually got a babysitter to look after Maxi for the day on a Saturday. So we took the girls to this really fancy restaurant in Brisbane that everyone has been talking about. And we sat there, and we probably were the most appreciative people in that restaurant, because of the fact that we couldn't take Maxi there. And the girls appreciate it. And we appreciate it. And we're lucky that they've been so loving towards max. So they wonderful girls, too, even in the hard times, they absolutely adore him. Yeah, I agree thing your daughters, they are just incredible not only to max, but to other children as well, their empathy. And their understanding extends way beyond their age. And and they've just done your family so proud in the way that they cope and help you cope with those challenging situations. And I really liked how you bright raise that example of the fact that going out into some community settings is challenging when you have a child with ASD. And that's a that's a reality for us. And having having that opportunity to do that with the girls is terrific. And you're appreciated that. On the other hand, you do other things with Max, you guys go camping, and you do these terrific things as a family that he can be included in in a meaningful way. And that's, that's what I've always admired about your family is that you've you manage that situation that you're in beautifully. Everyone has their place, and everyone has their role and everyone feels valued in your family. And it's always been beautiful to watch. Yeah, that's amazing. I feel teary thinking about it, actually. And I tell you, I feel very teary thinking about it. It's a very emotional subject. And as because we still get so much love from Max, we adore him. And you're right, we do take him out and do do lots of fun activities with him. And we still travel with him. Our lives just aren't as free as other people's are. And it is hard work. And sometimes, I have been on the same holiday for the last five years with the same group of friends. And it's normally about day three or four for me that I hit a little bit of one A, I've got the kid with special needs. All my girlfriends get to sit around, they can go for coffee, they can walk down the beach and just watch their kids Max's in the bedroom crying for an hour. And then I think it gives me about a day and then I normally zipped myself out of it and say I've got a wonderful husband and I've got two amazing girls that helped me out a lot and I couldn't do it without them. You do topes and just husband for the listeners out there is a terrific husband and a terrific dad. He really is amazing, isn't he? He is He takes Max camping, they go for driving, they would be probably on most Sundays, he does an activity with Max. And Max, he has his own choice of activities, we have a folder, and Max will often write up his own schedule of what activity he wants to do with Toby. But it's normally all got to do with water. So we're very lucky to live in Queensland. Wow, that's great. I love those stories. I love that. It's so great. Now as we're talking the listeners obviously won't be able to see this but you are busy doing something with your hands. And I really want to touch on this because recently you have created a business you've got a new career. Can you give us a bit of an indication about how this came about what your business is? And how that check had a positive influence on on your life your well being you you've really developed into this career in such a spectacular way can you introduce for the listeners, what you do and why you did it and how it's going for you now and how it impacts your well being. I started about four years ago I had a girlfriend and I went and did a just a day class up in Toowoomba, on making a hat because I love fashion. I've always loved fashion. I love anything a little bit quirky and different. So I decided that I could do an art course after that. And so unfortunately Queensland don't offer TAFE courses anymore in millenary. So I have been a little bit self educated by many classes online. And also I've been fortunate enough To go to the night classes that TAFE has offered, which are normally about a six week course. And I started my military career, which is a hat making for racewear. And I suppose I started it as a little bit of something for me, I needed. I've been a hairdresser for 30 years, and I love being creative with my hands. But hairdressing is hard work on your body. And I think millenary has allowed me to sit down and be creative and have time to think in my own head. So like today, I've spent the whole day so the little red table, creating hats for Melbourne Cup, where I just get to be by myself and think, whereas as soon as Maxie gets home, I'm not by myself, I've got company at all times. So yeah, I think that's for me has been a little bit of an outlet and a positive thing in my life. And I'm really excited. I've got some girlfriends that have helped me with my social media, because I'm not very good at that. I've got a girlfriend who's done on my photographer, work, photography work. And I'm lucky enough I actually swapped them for haircuts and colours. So we have a bit of a barter system going. So that's quite good. I try every year to have one little pop up shop. But mostly I sell online. And thanks to Toby and this other friend, I've been fortunate enough to have a website, and I'm selling things off my website now, which is exciting. It's superduper exciting. Could you please just say the name of your website and your business? My military name is millenary by Entsch. And you can find me on on the internet under military by Edge ing e. Ma. Yeah, that's it's just so terrific. The creations are spectacular. And I really, I look at them, and I can see your creativity just oozing out of them. They're beautiful. They're spectacular hats, and especially around this Melbourne Cup time. It's amazing. Thank you. Yeah, and I just I again, you know, Max, Matt, how old is max now? Max is 12 and a half now he'll be 13. So even this morning, he blows my mind, we were at the Children's Hospital to go to the dentist, we go every six to nine months. And today he stood there with the little piece that goes between his mouth and he was able to hold on to the handlebars and have the machine go around him. So you can have full head, an x ray of his mouth, which I will be honest with you. I didn't think he was going to be possible doing the whole time he's stamping his feet, and his grunting through his teeth in there's a lot of noises going on. But he did it. So little challenges and little wins in life with kids like Maxine. So yeah, that's terrific. I think, you know, the fact that he's 12 and a half and that that's such a great milestone to celebrate. And to acknowledge that it's a big step for Max and it's but it's, it definitely deserves acknowledgement. And also the fact that you've done a lot of years of parenting and supporting and it's so great. Now Max is 12 and a half, you do have this space to really be yourself in your business. And I'm really, I hope that parents listening can get a little bit of, I guess, a motivation to maybe find something for themselves. But don't rush it as well. You know, you had a an opportunity that presented itself when you took it. But Max is not three, you know, that was when you're in the real midst of that diagnosis. I was winning. Yeah. And that was really hard. You know, Maxie was running around he was screaming is putting his head through walls. Life was really really hard. He wasn't sleeping we would go for it would be lucky if we get three to four hours night's sleep. Thanks to the paediatrician. She's got some some medication. And even now Max started, probably to be honest with you started this new medication, which was a massive big thing for us to actually accept. So Max's behaviour was getting to the stage where he was actually physically hurting us and the girls. And Max is quite a big kid. Anyway, he's actually same height as me now at the age of 12. So we were a little bit worried. So a couple of years ago, we decided to with the help of the paediatrician and decided to put him on some anti psychotic medication which took me months to come around to a green. Toby probably agreed a little bit more than ideas, but that was probably because Maxie was hurting him more than he was hurting me. But in the long run, it's meant that our lives have become so much easier and Max's. He's not what I thought he was going to be. I thought he's going to end up a bit of a zombie, but he hasn't became a bit of a zombie. He's just a bit more mellowed out. But trust me, he still have his meltdowns and he'll still cry for an hour and he'll carry on. He won't hurt anyone. And he's not putting his head through the wall anymore. He's just karma. But also, I think that comes with age as well, a little bit of time, I think has mellowed max out of it. Yeah, great. Again, for parents listening who are in that three year old phase, that at their, there are all these phases that we go through with our children, and, and your insight is so great into understanding some of the decisions you have to make, and that it's not going to be the same forever, there will be challenges, but there'll be different challenges. And often we can find a way through them. And this has been a really good insight into medication. I think that's hearing your perspective is probably quite important for some parents, I really thank you for sharing that we lost today. So and I'm conscious that you need to get back to your hitmaking. And we both have kids to pick up. So I really want to thank you for your time today. Your insight, as I keep reflecting on is just priceless. For the parents out there that will be listening to say think sometimes thinking that they're all alone. We miss they're not are they? Oh, no, we've been there. I've ridden that bike. I've been picked Max up many times from school even because the school is not coping. So I've had to go in. So you're not alone. There's been many stories I can tell. Absolutely. And you're amazing. And I'm sending you lots of love, and I can't wait to do it again. All right. Well, thank you very much. Okay. Isn't she amazing? And she's such a ball of energy, and she has such a terrific insight into the topic of having a child with a disability. We did discuss quite a few important topics such as medication, and balancing the needs of siblings when you have a child with a disability. If there's something that you'd like to talk more about, or you'd like me to find somebody to talk more more about. Feel free to jump onto my Facebook page and Instagram page to give me that feedback and I'll find the people I promise. Thanks so much for your time today. Remember, I'm here to help you and every road starts with small steps. My instagram and facebook page at MAMA road. I really look forward to hearing from you and looking forward to bring you another podcast see