Neurolicious - by Mummel Road

Let the pod begin! Welcome to episode one

• Emily Baitch • Season 1 • Episode 1

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No form of parenting is that easy, most parents are familiar with the usual struggles -no sleep, no 'me time', no more free weekends, and well the list goes on and on. Parenting a child on the autism spectrum can be even more challenging. Welcome to our world. A world of fun, a bit of stress, and a whole bunch of interest in neurodiversity. We are surrounded by neurodivergence in both our personal and professional lives and we are welcoming you into our space. Enjoy!

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Mummel Road Community Programs is a registered charity offering adolescents on the autism spectrum the opportunity to engage with their community in a meaningful way. To learn more about our charity or donate please read more here

Mummel Road Members get weekly support session with Emily, our advanced positive behaviour support practitioner. Learn more about our members hub here.

If you are wanting to share your story with the Neurolicious Community, please reach out to us at info@mummelroad.com.au

SPEAKER_01:

Hello friends, welcome to the Neuralicious podcast. This is a space where we can talk openly about parenting neurodiverse kids. I'm Emily, founder and director of Mammal Road, an NDIS registered autism specific service. I'm also the mum of three kids and my eldest has a ton of neuro

SPEAKER_00:

spice. And I'm Kylie, I'm a paediatric occupational therapist who has a special interest in ADHD, autism and building connection with kids who don't really seem to like anyone. We are the Brainstrust you need. And we hope the Neuralicious podcast helps you learn a few things and feel not so alone. So settle in for another episode on Neuralicious.

SPEAKER_01:

Hi, I'm Emily. And I'm Kylie. And together we are the Neuralicious podcast. We acknowledge the Wurundjeri people, the traditional keepers of the land we are recording this podcast on. Episode number one, we're into

SPEAKER_00:

it. We are. So Em, tell me. What gave you the idea to start this podcast and what's it about? Really great question, Kylie.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, I've been looking for a podcast that covers what we're going to be talking about and discussing with specialists in the field and between you and I. One that really takes into account lived experiences and tries to solve some of the problems that parents are facing today. And you know what? I can't really find it. So let's make it ourselves. Yes, absolutely. We're the best people for this job. Why? Because we're both professionals in this field. Kyle's What are you up to these days?

SPEAKER_00:

So I'm in like the last month of my occupational therapy degree. I know, I'm so excited. It's like just pushing myself to get it done. Can we get the champagne ready yet? Yes. I'm a mother of three. I'm in my very early 40s. She still looks 20. And I love to talk, so this is right in my wheelhouse. I'm loving

SPEAKER_01:

it. Kylie, I understand you professionally are amazing, but personally, why are you a good person to be on a podcast about neurodiverse thinking and neurodivergence?

SPEAKER_00:

So I am a late-in-life diagnosed ADHD person. Woo-hoo! And generally, I think while I was doing my degree, I just started to see a lot of things that were kind of ticking boxes for me in my life. When I was younger, I always felt like I fell a little left of center, but I was always very good at pretending and faking it till I made it. But underneath knowing that something wasn't quite right and like I wanted to do really well, but just sort of failing to launch on a lot of things. And along with my diagnosis came a lot of self-acceptance and understanding that I'm not broken. It's just that my brain works differently to a lot of other people. And with starting the conversation and explaining that to people comes understanding and kindness. So I just really want to get the word out that having ADHD or another... neurodivergent characteristic or neurodiverse whichever way you prefer to discuss that um isn't a bad thing you just need to find your tribe and enter life with kindness because you know it doesn't have to be an uphill struggle all the time

SPEAKER_01:

totally 100% I found you. You're my tribe.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, you're my tribe too. I just think I won the lottery. We're just tribing

SPEAKER_01:

together here.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes. So, Em, you tell me a little bit about yourself.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, I'm the mum of three as well. Really grateful to have three beautiful children. My eldest son, who now is, goodness me, 14, is divine. He received a diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder when he was three. He does have... a number of other additional needs. So he has an intellectual disability and ADHD, which make his symptoms or some of the things that he does noticeably different when we're in the community. But he is the most beautiful human being. Don't tell my other kids that. No,

SPEAKER_00:

he is amazing. I love hanging out with him. We love him.

SPEAKER_01:

And you guys will hear a lot about him. His name's Charlie B. We've got his consent to chat about him on this podcast. He's a bit of a celebrity around where we live in the Hunter Valley. And he has been a bit of a shining light for the autism community around our area. He has two younger siblings who are my two younger children. I've got to have to think about this. A nine-year-old and a 12-year-old. And they're all so amazing. Together, we make our own little tribe. And none of us would be where we're at today Unless it was for Charlie B. He's really set the tone for our family and we just love him to bits. So what I want to do is share my insight into being the parent of a child on the spectrum because while there's lots that I know and lots that professionally that I understand, life is not always easy. No. but it doesn't mean that it's not bloody fantastic.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes, absolutely, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01:

So there's lots to chat about. Today we want to look at the school holidays. In New South Wales, in Australia, they are wrapping up. today yes and look we need to unpack that there's a lot to chat about when it comes to school holidays yes

SPEAKER_00:

absolutely like I feel like towards the end of the term like I'm really burnt out and just surviving to like just begging for holidays

SPEAKER_01:

totally

SPEAKER_00:

and then you get to the holidays and it's like oh oh that's right You're at home and you want to be entertained all the time and you want... There's humans in my home. Yes. And you, oh man, you want to eat. Okay. So it brings another set of challenges that are fun, but it's a different level of demand than when you're at school through the term.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes. Just on that note, Kylie, with your ADHD, when it comes to the end of the term and you mention, you know, the word burnout or just... you're just sort of holding on by a thread. Yeah. What does that mean for you? Like what is that feeling? What does that feel like and what does that look like in your home?

SPEAKER_00:

Sure. So I try to start the term off with– really good routines. So I don't put off till tomorrow what I can do today. And I have all of the kids clothes ready and prompting them to be ready for the next day. But as the term sort of goes on and I get more tired, especially with my uni demands and work demands, I find that I start to slip and quite quickly the kids will slip too. So towards the end of the term, things are a The energy seems to be a lot more tense in the house. We're all trying to get out to school on time. I live about 15 minutes away from my kids' school. And as I get closer and closer to those school holidays, I feel like it's closer and closer to the start of school where we're screaming into the driveway and I'm kicking about like, I'm sorry, I'll do better tomorrow. And I never do better tomorrow because I'm just like holding on by a thread. And I used to be really hard on myself about that because it's like everybody else seems to be doing it. Why can't I just do these basic things where now I am a lot kinder to myself and in that case my kids don't get stressed about it either because they understand. They're like, oh, this is just the way that mum is and she's doing the best that she can. Oh, I love that. Acceptance. They actually understand like that. I am just one person and so they sort of help me to help them, I guess, which is really great. Yeah. And they do understand that I'm not coming from a place of evil. No, no, no. Like I'm not doing it to sabotage their education or anything like that. So, yeah, I just I feel like communicating my struggles.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

with the day-to-day really helps them as well

SPEAKER_01:

absolutely

SPEAKER_00:

yeah

SPEAKER_01:

and just on that note so just to give it a bit of context Kylie has had many years experience in the classroom as an SLSO or a teacher's aide she's also completed in a few weeks an occupational therapy degree she's had years of experience with supporting families to do this and yet This is a really good point that you can know all the things and life is still not easy sometimes. So I think that it's really important that together, now you're our tribe and we're our tribe, to just be a bit kinder in ourself. Some days are good, some days are tricky, and to know when to apply your energy. Is that what

SPEAKER_00:

you believe? Yeah, absolutely. And I feel like I saw this on TikTok or something, but someone once explained that, that the neurodiverse community take things really literally. So I used to think when someone said, just give it your 100%, that that meant literally 100% of what I could give on the best day, my best day, best rested day, that's what I should be doing every day, where now I understand that sometimes I'm going to wake up and I only have 50% to give.

UNKNOWN:

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00:

But giving 100%, I shouldn't give the full 50% that day because I've got to make it through the whole day.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

And it's... Accepting that and working with my motivation. So there's some days where I'll wake up and walk out into my kitchen and go, today's the day. And I just deep clean everything. And then

SPEAKER_01:

there's a focus going on

SPEAKER_00:

there. Yeah. And it's like actually harnessing that and going with it as opposed to fighting that urge because there's something else that needs to be done. Because I know that if I give myself that, I'm still ticking off something that needs to be done. And I'm allowing myself to blow off that energy, which will allow me to sit and do the actual thing I should be doing that day, if that makes sense. So currently I have two assignments that I should have started three days ago. But, you know, like when the shed wall needs to be painted, it just needs to be painted and I can't fight it. A hundred percent. Where I used to try and sit and do the assignment while I'm constantly thinking about the shed wall. Do you think

SPEAKER_01:

you'd get credit for this podcast? Because we could like tag your university professor. Do you think this is credit? If anyone's listening. I would love that. I reckon. Legit. Please, please. I reckon we could tag your professor. Yeah. Look, this is actually really helpful. We're unpacking a lot of really good things here. Be a bit kinder on Kylie with the last two assignments. There is a shed wall to be built and she's doing a podcast.

SPEAKER_00:

Absolutely. Like, you know, you don't realise these

SPEAKER_01:

other things that are... Totally. Well, on that note, with the school holidays as well, I noticed that when you're talking about your energy levels and where you apply it, I find in the school holidays there are some days when I have tolerance and I do lots of things for the kids and other days I just need a little bit of time, maybe 30 minutes to just do something myself or just have a bit of time. And I tend to find if my children see me, they call out to me and ask for like, mum. No, it's not mum. mom yeah that's about it yeah I was thinking well it's like a little lamb like a lamb my kids are not little anymore but they sound like lambs and then of course the request that comes after could you get me a drink of water I'm just I and I just really want to I'm on my way to a and b I just want to get something done and so what I find it What I find myself doing is kind of sneaking around my house, like back against the wall. Yeah. And we'll put this on our social media.

SPEAKER_00:

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01:

Swallowing around my home. Yes. So that my kids don't see me just so I can have a little bit of time without being always requested of something, a silly little request that they can do. They were very capable. And so that's my gripe about the school holidays. Yes. When I have energy for that, I do. And other times I just needed 20 minutes to be in my own little bubble.

SPEAKER_00:

Absolutely. And also that whole thing, like you can do that. 100%. If I wasn't here, you're capable of getting the drink of water. It's making me happy. Get the drink of water.

SPEAKER_01:

100%. And I think though, Kylie, with my kids, because Charlie is the eldest and he has had to have substantial support. So he's ASD level three. And I know some people don't like to use the levels as a description, but it does offer that fact that he needs substantial support. Absolutely. So he is the eldest. Yes. So he needs constant supervision.

UNKNOWN:

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01:

Unless he's sitting at the TV or his iPad or when I know that he's safe. So sometimes with the younger kids, they've grown up with me always being there because I've been there for Charlie. Yes. So I feel like in a way I love that they know that I'm there for them, but they're very capable. Yes. Very capable. super intelligent, capable human beings. And so there's a line when I say, I love you all the same, but you do not need the support that he does. So you can definitely get your drink of water. Yes. Anyway, I'm sure there are people out there that have that same thing when the eldest has additional needs. Yeah. And I'd love to hear the insights of families that are in that case, the differences when the eldest has additional needs compared to when the youngest does. Yeah, absolutely. In other cases where the youngest does, the elder may help out a little bit more and and be like i'll get them a drink yes oh wouldn't that be nice

SPEAKER_00:

that must be really hard em i find it really hard with my kids to sort of explain that i love you all equally but no we haven't all been created equal so 100

SPEAKER_01:

you

SPEAKER_00:

can do this and should do this for yourself even though maybe somebody else who is exactly the same age as you is not there yet.

SPEAKER_01:

Right. Kylie, I think this is the whole thing of our podcast. Yeah. That sentence. Yeah. That's how we should be running our country.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes. Because it's not about everybody having the exact same. It's everybody getting what they need.

SPEAKER_01:

100%.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes.

SPEAKER_01:

I would agree with that. So, Kylie, your school holidays, we did mention that the end of term is tricky.

UNKNOWN:

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01:

But the school holidays, what's that been like for you and your home?

SPEAKER_00:

Well, just when you were talking about how you were trying to dodge your kids just to get a spare 20 minutes, it made me think about how I'll wake up in the morning and no one else is awake yet and I just don't want to move because it's like they feel the vibe in the house change and everybody then starts to wake up where I would love to just head out to the kitchen and have a cup of tea. On my own. But the minute my feet hit the floor, it's like everybody's awake. Cat wants something to eat. Dog wants to go out. Kids are up. They want breakfast. So I feel like I waste like 40 minutes at the start of the day. And mine are like 13, nearly 12 and 8. Like they're not like baby babies, but still. I don't want them waking up before they're ready in the school

SPEAKER_01:

holidays. Absolutely. Do you ever think how funny that would be to try to explain that situation to someone that doesn't have kids? The fact that you have to, you know... It's almost like a basic human right to be able to just get up and have a cup of

SPEAKER_00:

tea. Oh, yeah, but no, we are starved of that. Yes, and to say

SPEAKER_01:

I can't move because when I get up it's just all kinds of chaos at the one time. Yes. And to explain that, you know, coherently to somebody that may not have children is a thing. Like it's a lot. It's a lot. But I hear you on

SPEAKER_00:

that. Yeah. And, like, I love people that don't have kids yet, but I've always said– I was the best parent before I had kids. Totally. The minute that I got a kid and I realised that they have free will and they do whatever they want made parenting so much harder.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, I think you're amazing. Your kids are beautiful. Well, they are, but it's not easy. I've got total kid envy of your kids.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, really? No, thank you. They're good out and about. They give me a hard time at home, but I'm okay with that. Totally.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. Yes. So any... positives from the school holidays. So what were your one or two favourite things that happened in the school holidays?

SPEAKER_00:

Look, it's going to sound really cliche, but I feel like through the term, we're so busy going here, there and everywhere. We never get time to sort of spend quality time together. And I was just at Coles the other day and I looked in those you know, how they have the new little section that they just sell random stuff in Coles. And I saw this game called, are you a little bit crabby or a little bit crabby or something like that. And it's a card game that you play. And we've sat down and played that card game together. And it's just so funny. And yeah, I've played games with the kids on the Switch and things like that that I don't usually get time to do. Great. Yeah, so. That sounds so good. Yeah. How about you? What about your? Well,

SPEAKER_01:

my fantastic thing from the holidays, I had a great school holidays, to be honest. It was really fun. But we went to a beachside village on the mid-north coast of New South Wales and And it was one of the places where, you know, when you find a beach or a spot that ticks all the boxes. So you can find a spot where there's flat water and waves and you can take your dog and it's not too busy and you can fish. Oh, my gosh. Do not tell everybody. No, no, no. I'm not naming any names. You tell me after the podcast. I will. I will tell you because we're going back there. But we got there and there was no decisions. I could sit and see everyone and everyone was happy. And I was just like, I was like you in the morning. I was like, no one moved. Yes. No one. We can't. Don't even discuss it. Do not discuss the happiness at the moment. And I was thinking this is the spot. And, you know, I think that. It's my favourite place in

SPEAKER_00:

Australia now. Oh, that's amazing. I have one question. What? Was there a laundromat for Charlie

SPEAKER_01:

Bean? Oh, there was. Yeah. There was one laundromat, but our house also had a... washing machine. Oh, good. But it didn't have a dryer, unfortunately. Oh, yes. But we knew that on the Airbnb flyer, we knew there wasn't a dryer. So for context, everybody, Charlie B's special interest is washing machines and clothes dryers. Loves them. He's quite partial to the lawnmower as well. But the washing machine and dryer are his favourites. So when we go away, we do need to get the Airbnb rundown on what's there.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes.

SPEAKER_01:

And we do like to holiday in a town with a laundromat. Yes. So you're right. So there was one laundromat which was great and we got to go in there. We tend to become a bit of a local celeb. We go in there every day. Charlie folds the sheets for the people and he becomes a little bit of a local fan and he's just, it's beautiful. So the routine tends to be like we drop in there, he'll start folding things, I quickly duck and get a coffee and come back and sit with him and relax. Like that's his holiday. He's like, I'm set. I have to say that was a really great holiday. The other good part about my holidays, we did go holidaying up north with some other friends and they're the most inclusive people. friends they support charlie b constantly and also if he's having a tricky day and he needs to be with me they would completely accept and absorb my other children make sure they're included they're the friends you need right when you have a child with additional needs you need to find that tribe and when you do it's brilliant and there's friends and they'll know who they are but um i cannot give them enough kudos that's amazing yeah

SPEAKER_00:

That's filled my cup for today.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, I know. I'm getting teary just thinking about it. Oh, it's lovely.

SPEAKER_00:

It is. And I get goosebumps as well. I even find a good friend is somebody that understands that kids have bad days. Yes. So you don't have bad kids. They just have bad days. 100%. And, you know, I very much will shy away from somebody that side-eyes my child because I they're not playing the game or doing exactly what they should be doing as a, in inverted commas, good child.

SPEAKER_01:

On that note, when you said that you shy away from people that give a side eye to kids, Kylie, do you know what? I wouldn't put it past you to be like having a word. Yeah. I really relate to hearing you shy away. Because as you guys will get to know, Kylie she tends to say what she thinks like there's you know I say the

SPEAKER_00:

quiet thing out loud but it is like it's not in a aggressive way it's in a way to work out and understand somebody like what do you mean by that like what let's chat let's explain

SPEAKER_01:

yes I think the school holidays I mean generally would you say that it's been if we took two steps forward in your school holidays were there any back or was it pretty positive do you reckon

SPEAKER_00:

This school holidays, I feel like it was pretty positive. But I was very ambitious because... Where we live has a lot of work to be done. So I probably didn't get quite as much work around the farm as I wanted to. Just

SPEAKER_01:

can I get context? Is that like a normal person sort of work or your ADHD lens?

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, yeah, no, no, ADHD lens. Like I have no skills whatsoever and all of a sudden I think I can paint a wall. And I've been incubating my chicken eggs and hatching chickens and, you know, doing all these skills that I don't have, doing all these activities that I have zero skills in.

SPEAKER_01:

But it's all learning. It's learning. No one has skills until they do it.

SPEAKER_00:

Exactly. I just find that there's never enough hours in the day to do the fun things.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. I know. Well, I feel the same. My holidays have been pretty good. We've had some rip-roars before in a bad way where we've all arrived at the end of the holidays pretty broken. Just it's been difficult. And I think that's fairly common with families around the world. But these holidays have been pretty good, I feel. Yeah, that's great. I'm not too exhausted, which is great. Yeah. And so that's really great. We'd love to hear about how your holidays were going. We'd love photos or just recap about holidays, maybe even like a score out of 10. You know, how good were your holidays? What's

SPEAKER_00:

your

SPEAKER_01:

score? Well, that's a good question. It was pretty good. I would like to say I'm going to say nine. Oh, that's good. I know. Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

Yours? Well, look, I'm going to say five. Okay. Because I'm just a bit disappointed with mine. Me being so close to ending uni, I'm still in that mindset.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Not in a bad way, but I could definitely have done a lot more with my kids than I did do just because my head's in the clouds. You've got a lot going

SPEAKER_01:

on. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And I think it's great that it's not– if it's a five, you're right, it's not a bad thing. It's just accepting that it was a tricky time. Yes. You know, that– We have to be honest as well. Absolutely. Because if we're not honest, other people can't be honest. Yes. So that's a bit of a circle of trust here. And we're always going to be honest about the hard bits. Oh, yeah. Because that's why

SPEAKER_00:

we're here. I will be so honest like you

SPEAKER_01:

guys. So in the coming weeks, Kylie, we'll cover topics like both of us are married. And incidentally, both of us, I always say we're both married to engineers, but Kylie's husband is a geologist and I cannot get that wrong. I'm so sorry. I do that all the time. Yes. And so we unpack what it's like being quite creative people married to very much– how would you describe it nicely? Black and white, formula-driven. Yes, technical. Technical. Technical people. So there's a lot to unpack. So that's a whole episode. Yes. We unpack, we're chatting about kids and sport, kids and food, autism in the community, ADHD in women and men and children, inclusion in societies, schools, exclusion from schools. Goodness me, the

SPEAKER_00:

list goes on. Yes, it does. I've also asked my middle son, Thomas, or Tom, to come and have a chat with us as well, just from his perspective on what it's like having a mum. with ADHD because he provides a lot of insight for me and he would be, I would say he would be the one that's affected the most with it in that he takes on the stress if I'm late or... It's really important to

SPEAKER_01:

talk about that.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, and he's so excited to come and have a chat about it.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, that's really healthy insight as well because that's important. The kids, they're very receptive to their parents. I mean, I'd also love to chat to Matt, your husband, as well. I don't know if he's into that, but maybe with enough crowd support

SPEAKER_00:

we could get him on board. Yes. my husband would chat he'd be here tomorrow right

SPEAKER_01:

yes maybe we can have dad's chat look not

SPEAKER_00:

together like them more yeah like they can't branch off and start their own podcast and then be in competition with us

SPEAKER_01:

so we've got so much in store for you guys it's fantastic for you to let us be in your ears we can't wait to get to know you and you have got so much to learn about us going to really be a place where we hear the hard times and the great times. And together, we're going to solve a lot of problems. Absolutely. Thanks so much, Em. So excited. I can't wait. Love you.

SPEAKER_00:

Bye. Thanks for joining us on the Neuralicious podcast. If you've enjoyed this conversation and want to find out more, head to the Mumble Road Facebook page where we share moments from the podcast and so much more. Like stories you

SPEAKER_01:

can relate to. And we'll ask you, the Neuralicious community, how things are going at your place. We'll also answer your questions whenever we can. Until next time, be kind to yourself.